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 Author Thread: the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 200 (view)
 
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 8/8/2011 11:14:31 PM
Couple of points that REALLY need to be made:

1. I suspect most of the people's gripes come from the fact that virtually none of her wants have anything to do with the actual personalities or traits of her potential match. They fall either how much money can he provide, or how good looking he is. Now, I really don't think it's bad to have demands at all, but this set of her's really puts a large restriction, and if this is the mindset she encourages most women to have, then a lot of really good men are going to be shit outta luck because of this stupidity.

2. People saying that insist that these are demands that anyone can easily meet: realize that not every can be an uber successful person, especially in this economy. People are struggling right now to meet ends meet. So honestly, Jen is pretty much denying a chance for roughly 50% of the men in the US right of the bat. This is honestly what put me off so much....because she thinks (and apparently a lot of people in this thread) it's incredibly simple to just be successful.
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
silence in san diego
Posted: 8/8/2011 10:57:49 PM
Advice so far is pretty bad, considering our age group, IMO.

Honestly, Socal is a rough place for dating for men period. High standard of living equates to higher demand of financial support, which leads A LOT of high maintenance and shallowness in women (especially in Orange County, for which I have lived at for 5 years).

I actually like your profile, to be honest. You outlined a passion of yours, clarify it, and mention other interests, but not in detail; which allows the women to have more to look forward to when you do meet and allows her to ask questions. I honestly have no real complaints about it, except maybe the grammar and capitalization.

As for finding women, good luck, because I'm stumped myself. Single women here don't EVER come out down here, at least in my area, lol
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
equal opportunity
Posted: 8/8/2011 10:52:56 PM
I actually completely agree with you, OP....but apparently, it's kinda taboo to admit it
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
POF vs Night Clubs/Bars
Posted: 7/29/2011 10:27:59 PM
I personally HATE picking up at bars and nightclubs. They're good for having a good time with friends, but many of the girls there tend to either go with their BFs, or are not looking for a relationship.
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 133 (view)
 
Why do Guys play with Girls hearts?
Posted: 7/29/2011 9:27:14 PM
Why do women always play with men's hearts?? =(
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Dating outside your race
Posted: 7/29/2011 9:22:33 PM
I'm strangely attracted to white girls, lol (I'm Asian)

I'd be open to dating any girl really, but there's something about white girls that just entices me...
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Gettting no where with this site?
Posted: 7/29/2011 9:19:38 PM
I think he's made it clear that his messages aren't generic, otherwise I agree with the above post.

Then again, I'm not getting much luck either; maybe the Cali girls are just rough, lol
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
ever seen a relative , friend , co-worker on a dating while searching it
Posted: 7/29/2011 9:12:22 PM
Fortunately no...i'd be hella embarrassed if that happens, lol
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Rap Music
Posted: 7/28/2011 8:12:01 PM
All the ignorance in this thread of hip hop culture is kinda disgusting, tbh
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Rap Music
Posted: 7/25/2011 11:11:17 PM
I honestly would find it attractive if a women actually appreciates hip-hop culture nowadays, instead of it being a detriment. It's the genre that gets the most hate and is one of the most understood out there. o.O
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Comic Book Geek
Posted: 7/25/2011 9:56:12 PM


I wasn't suggesting that he travel for conventions, but that he should just get out and travel in general. But if he does have to travel to get to a convention, there are a lot of ways to cut costs of such a trip. Hostels are generally a lot cheaper than hotels, if there is a motel near by that could also be an option. If he has friends that want to go, they can split the cost.


I've been to conventions aplenty. They're going to be expensive no matter what kind of costs you cut.

Also, they're good for supporting your hobby and checking the stuff out for your own interest. They're generally a bad place to pick up girls
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Who admits to using drugs?
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:39:53 PM
Here's the thing: if you like the occasional marijuana, YOU CANNOT ADMIT IT PUBLICLY IN A WEBSITE LIKE THIS. You never know what kind of future employer will stumble upon POF and see it. So of course almost everyone is going to say no, no matter if you do it or not.
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 86 (view)
 
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:34:08 PM
So I guess we have different definitions of what's unreasonable and what isn't. Fair enough.

But let's dissect her needs:



…are you educated?

Many quality men did not necessarily get a Bachelors (or apparently to her standard, a Masters). Many went the apprenticeship route, or even been involved with their own business without going through further education. Education =/= knowledge....why is it so important that he's educated in the level she desires?



…do you have a career instead of a job?

Especially in this economy, people have been struggling to get a job PERIOD. Even with masters. Perhaps is tied to her previous want, where she basically wants someone with money. If a man is happy with what he's doing, even if it is not a career per se, why should it matter if's a career instead of a job? I suspect it's like others think: because she's a gold digger and wants the money.



…do you go to the gym to look healthy and attractive?
…did you invest the money for a nice haircut?


One does not necessarily have to go to the gym to look attractive....a gym membership, after all, isn't really inexpensive. Some keep fit in other ways. In fact, some are perfectly attractive without needing to work out. One does not need to invest money for nice hair. One can easily groom their hair themselves. I have the impression here, she's setting a high standard for looks, and would only care about men that has a high standard of beauty.



…have you built healthy social skills?


I admit this should really apply to everyone, but then again, her definition of social skills are subjective.



…have you found your own place to live?
…is that place clean and nicely furnished?


I see absolutely no problem with not having you're own place at all. Living with parents or roommates allows for more financial stability. In fact, I think this is by far the most ridiculous one, because most people period don't generally keep a place to themselves. Even in marriage, there should exist a contribution from both parties. Of course, it's kind of expected to keep it clean, but expecting their own place is really too much. I'd reckon this means she wants a guy who has money...which again, cements gold digger status.



…have you avoided stupid mistakes (such as being divorced at the age of 23)?


Who the hell is she to judge for things like this? Circumstances are different. What gives her the right to say, being divorced at age 23 is a "stupid mistake"? Most "mistakes" we can learn from, and depending on what happened, being divorced at that age may not necessarily be a mistake at all. Here, she's being judgmental to the fullest.

Although it's not unreasonable to meet some of these criteria, it IS unreasonable to expect all of it in a man. Also, notice has she mentions ALMOST NO PERSONALITY QUALITIES? Most of her wants involve either looks or finance.

Point is, A LOT of good men with plentiful of good qualities are going to be overlooked because of obnoxiously high standards like this, especially in this society we live in now. The way the OP presented herself, she values looks and money over good traits that these nice guys haves that she overlooks because she cares too much about superficial shit.I mean sure, it's good to have physical attraction or financial stability, but she basically admits she wont even give a chance to know you if you don't meet her obnoxiously high criteria
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 74 (view)
 
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:25:56 PM
What entitlement issues are you talking about. There is a clear distinction between high standards and stupidly high that most cannot meet, and OP definitely falls under the latter.

I dont ask for too much in a partner, but if shes asking for THAT much, maybe shes the one with entitlement issues
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Comic Book Geek
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:09:28 PM
^ traveling for conventions is ridiculiously expensive (hotels, tickets, food alone..and thets not counting the convention itself). And most girls that go there go with their boyfriends
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 72 (view)
 
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:04:03 PM
Seriously, she puts a ridiculiously high standard most HUMANS struggle to realistically meet. Shes critcizing the nice guys for not meeting that obnoxiously high standard. If this is the precedent that women set for their dating partners, she needs to understand that she is contributing to problems and has no right to complain about them
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Comic Book Geek
Posted: 7/25/2011 1:39:04 PM
^sadly, nerdy women are low supply, high demand. Its virtually impossible to find a single one
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 1408 (view)
 
Introduce Yourself Here.
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:38:20 AM
^this guy has it right, lol

That said...hi guys! ^.^
I'm 23 (24 in a few months) from the southern part of San Diego (619)
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 526 (view)
 
IS it me or should HIP HOP be DEAD YET?
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:25:22 AM
^this man gets props.

Hip-Hop one of the most misunderstood mediums of music out there. The mainstream stuff kind of tainted it, but nowadays, it's not even relevant in pop music anymore (the EDM influenced stuff has been largely taking over).

There's A LOT of good underground stuff if you actually take the time to find and appreciate
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Comic Book Geek
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:18:25 AM
The whole thing is honestly a giant gender issue.

Fact is, women, sadly, are generally not into that kind of stuff. I love my geeky hobbies, but most women don't tend to appreciate them. It makes things harder to connect with them in that sort of medium.

I would 100% be open if a women shared her interests with me, and would respect those interests.
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
24 years old and have never been in a relationship...
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:09:57 AM
I'm roughly in the same boat as you, except I'm a male....

Through conversations with my peers, are really open about experience and don't really care about relationship experience.

Women, however, tend to be a different story....
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 57 (view)
 
the nice guy...are you willing to put in the time?
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:37:42 AM
OP has serious judgmental issues.
If all women have the same philosophy as you, the you really should recognize why most nice guys struggle. Maybe if you realize that many of these nice guys DO in fact try hard, but cannot meet the ridiculously high standards that you (and perhaps most woman) set, maybe you can see the answer to your own question.
 ndralcasid
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Best way to meet women...
Posted: 5/2/2011 8:30:57 PM
I think a lot of people are completely missing the point of the OPs question

The issue isn't shyness, but where he can meet girls. Honestly, not being in school is a huge problem with meeting girls (something I'm dealing with since I graduated). The best advice I can give is meet girls through your interests, but depending on what those are, that can be easier said than done. I will say that friends of friends work WONDERS
 
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