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hemlockstones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

What does a guy mean by low maintenance? Posted: 9/14/2009 1:53:05 PM
High maintenance usually refers to how much work we have to do for you, not how much upkeep you do for yourself. It can have financial, time/work, or emotional costs, depending on the woman. Some women demand that you spend a ton of money on them, aka the golddigger. Some other women simple make constant demands on your time and show no independence for daily living. They always want you to drive them somewhere instead of getting their own transportation together. Then there are the insecure ones who need constant reassurance or they freak out. That's just exhausting. All I ask of a woman is to show some ability to look after herself. I am a very helpful person, glad to lend a hand, a shoulder, or a dollar when needed. Relationships should be about supporting each other, after all. But if it becomes an incessant drain on time, energy, and resources...that's high maintenance and I can't stand it.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

be careful when meeting people Posted: 2/18/2008 3:03:51 PM
stick around here if you want to enjoy yourself and laugh with us ! Oh yeah, getting beat up is a barrel of laughs. Go look up "schadenfreude". It seems to be a popular attitude these days. Look, if you want to call "BS!" on this story, that's one thing. But if you accept the truth of the tale, blaming the victim of this set-up scenario is just stupid. It could have happened to anyone. His sins were simply being too patient and too naive. We now returned to our regularly schedule stone-casting.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Am I a tool? Posted: 1/22/2008 3:18:13 PM
good for you if you can help her find her way out of this trap, but don't expect too much too soon. abusive relationships are incredibly sticky and complicated. anyone who claims to have an easy answer is simply ignorant. but don't think about getting with her after she's done with him (if ever). just keep that thought out of your head and you'll be a better friend. that's what she needs, not another suitor waiting in the wings to rescue her.

hemlockstones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

do men shower? Posted: 1/7/2008 1:41:10 PM
I shower at least daily and always smell fresh and clean. so pick me, pick me!

hemlockstones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Male Ejaculation, Facials... Posted: 1/7/2008 1:15:22 PM
it seems to react with water to get even stickier. seems somewhat resistant to soap, too. how annoying, every morning the same icky mess to deal with.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 82 (view)

Debt Free Living, How Important Is It To You? Posted: 12/4/2007 11:32:50 AM
just recently, I decided that financial independence was crucial for me to make a serious commitment to anyone. I simply cannot afford to support someone, owing to my own earlier mistakes. so really massive debt-load would probably make me turn away. but she doesn't need to be totally debt-free, so long as she can manage her debt and still contribute reasonably to shared living expenses.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Why do people say you have to love my dog/cat/animals Posted: 12/4/2007 11:24:40 AM
in most cases, they probably just mean "don't hate my pet". some people don't like animals, and that will not bode well for a relationship with a pet owner. however, if the pet owner puts devotion to his or her pet(s) above the value of a human relationship, that's a red flag. I would stay away from someone like that.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Age Limit for dating Posted: 12/4/2007 10:05:25 AM
presuming we are adults, age is irrelevant. it's all about the income.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

When you think they aer out of your league, Do you let them know you're interested? Posted: 12/3/2007 3:27:34 PM
Here in Canada, it is illegal for any medical practitioner to get involved with someone who is or ever has been a patient. Very likely he would lose his license here . The regulators take it extremely seriously. I guess maybe it's different in the US though.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 73 (view)

I love him but we can't have sex! Posted: 11/28/2007 9:14:31 AM
well done, you made the right move. is it possible that someone got advice on PoF that was actually helpful and led to a better understanding? hahaha! possibly you can be good friends. but until he sorts himself out and cuts down the heavy drinking, he will not be capable of anything resembling marriage. best wishes to both of you.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Opinions please Posted: 11/27/2007 9:54:11 AM
If she pays back the quarter million, then it might be worth it. Otherwise, he should forget it.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 177 (view)

astrology and relationships Posted: 11/27/2007 8:41:14 AM
nope, it's all superstitious hokum. having said that, scorpios have always been big trouble for me.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

Best tv show...ever Posted: 11/27/2007 8:15:41 AM
Supercar! Now that was great TV. It even had Mitch the monkey, for you simian lovers. Satisfactory, most satifactory! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054567/

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Well the Holidays are almost here! Posted: 11/24/2007 9:12:11 AM
The best part is when I get to dress up and play Santa Claus for a bunch of kids. Oh the power of the red suit! The worst part is eating too much and getting fat. But that helps me prepare for the role, so really it's all good.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 75 (view)

Drugs Posted: 11/23/2007 2:54:44 PM
you can always tell who is a potsmoker by their answers whitetigress, why should that be worthy of comment? common interests will lead to shared opinions. pot smokers are under attack by the entire power of government and law enforcement, although there has never been a good argument for its prohibition. so of course users will keep trying to rebut the lame excuses made for throwing them in jail. therefore they will tend to say the same things. usually it's in response to the same old lies and illogical arguments. quod erat demonstrandum.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Do we attract what we get? Posted: 11/23/2007 2:08:23 PM
In simple terms, of course our actions have results, and the same actions will tend to bring the same results under identical conditions. But like most responders here, I see no mystical forces at work. To put it in fishy terms of relationships, we tend to repeatedly attract the same type of person because we are the types that attract those types. Stands to reason that two people who are very similar may also be attracted to the same range of people. This does not mean that mystic waves emitted by your inner being are drawing these folks to you. On a related note, researchers recently reported that they have disproved the common idea that cancer outcomes are in any way determined by attitude. This study showed that cancer patients could be positive or negative, and it had no effect on their recovery. Although this is sad news for some patients, I am personally glad to put an end to the guilt that some well-meaning people load upon the afflicted. If you get sick with cancer, in most cases it is not your fault. Having a sunnier personality would not have prevented it.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

a man's sensuality.... Posted: 11/16/2007 2:57:38 PM
I'm pretty much numb in the nipples. So usually playing with them just feels weird, like french kissing right after a trip to the dentist.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Is it true about capri pants? Posted: 10/3/2007 2:52:54 PM
nothing wrong with 'em in general. personally I don't like them with really high heels, and that goes for jeans too. screams "trailer park" to me. when I see that, I assume closer inspection will reveal badly chipped nail polish and signs of indifferent hygeine. I know, it's pure prejudice.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Just a really Dumb, Possibly Boring Question... Posted: 10/3/2007 2:40:40 PM
I like the idea of complimenting strangers, so long as it's sincere. I give them out whenever it seems appropriate, and yes it makes me feel as good as the recipient. Why be stingy with them? But again, it must be sincere or it is mere flattery. Context and content are also important, to avoid giving someone the creeps with inappropriately personal remarks.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 93 (view)

leaving socks on during sex Posted: 9/25/2007 9:52:43 AM
I have a thing about knee socks, always have. Something about them revs me up. As a kink, it's pretty vanilla, but there ya go.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Not emotional enough for a relationship? Posted: 9/6/2007 8:47:38 AM
You're perfect, don't ever change. Seriously. Men (or women) who get upset if you don't engage them in dram-antics are just confused because you won't play their game. Don't bother about them.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

is this bad news? Posted: 8/21/2007 3:01:44 PM
You're fine. I have to agree (with all respect) with some other posters that you may be over-analyzing. The text message is just chatty/casual, and sounds like he is in a nice comfort zone with you. Probably he just wasn't in that kissy-cuddly mood at the moment. Don't worry about it. If you obsess about micro-details like this, you'll drive yourself nuts...and eventually him too. Now is a good time to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

is this bad news? Posted: 8/20/2007 11:12:35 AM
He's hoping for permission to proceed, but is probably willing to wait until you are ready. He knows you are hesitant and doesn't want to offend you...but he's definitely saying that he wants it as soon as possible.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Better for women to be poor, uneducated and hot? Posted: 7/26/2007 8:15:46 AM
Feeding the troll is highly discouraged. Too true! And yet here we are, wasting our time on a worthless thread. Oh when will we ever learn?

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

A Serious Problem for a Serious Guy Posted: 7/20/2007 1:41:10 PM
Humour is important for understanding the universe, because it can open our minds to the unexpected. None of us has the final answer, so in all humility we do need to lighten up a lot of the time. Therefore, humans value a good laugh, and rightly so. But it's not easy for all of us to pull off on a date. Only thing worse than being boringly pedantic is trying too hard to be funny and failing at it. Good luck, buddy.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

Long hair freaky people....Doesn't anyone like to clean up anymore Posted: 7/20/2007 1:17:20 PM
Oh, how I yearn for my long Jimmy Page wannabe locks. I want to show my freak flag blowing in the wind. But now that I am showing more scalp skin up top, it just doesn't work. Nothing worse than that shower-curtain-around-an-egg look.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

girlfriend having lunch with exboyfriend Posted: 7/20/2007 12:53:36 PM
Ron9, I sure feel sorry for any woman who has to put up with your antiquated notions. Shame on her? You must be joking. Maybe you would like her to wear a big red A now. How is having lunch with a friend of the opposite sex (whether an ex or otherwise) disrespectful? This could only be true in a world where love = ownership. I sincerely wish that we can all put that kind of nonsense behind us.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Can a younger woman date an older man? Posted: 7/19/2007 1:02:07 PM
the only problem with wide age gaps is that there are developmental stages that we usually go through in the life process. most often, it is best if we can go through those stages with someone who is sharing that same journey with us. but everyone is different, so this is just a guideline, not an immutable law of nature.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

Are you guys socialized to be passive-aggressive? Posted: 7/19/2007 11:11:37 AM
The problem I often find with the "I want to make you happy" approach is people not listening to each other in terms of what will make someone happy. brilliant observation, Oriole. so true. we often presume to know what the other person needs, especially when it is neatly congruent with what we wish to provide. as is often the case, the key here is communication. truly listening to each other is such a simple solution to so many problems, and yet we so often skip it.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Are you guys socialized to be passive-aggressive? Posted: 7/18/2007 2:53:49 PM
wow, so much anger simmering here. you know, I have numerous women friends who always treat me with kindness and consideration of my feelings. they don't twist the meaning of what I say, they don't assault my integrity, they don't assume the worst of me, and they don't project their negative emotions onto me. but then...I am not in a relationship with any of them. the last time I was in a serious relationship, all these and more ego-battering treats were served to me regularly, and I was expected to smile as I swallowed them. this leads me to surmise that it is a distorted view of relationship that is at fault here, rather than contempt for men in general.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Do any guys actually like pessimistic girls? Posted: 7/12/2007 3:45:17 PM
Better than those bloody optimists. Those idiots will get you killed if you listen to them. "No problem, that thunderstorm is a long ways off. We can easily play another few holes." ZAP!

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

If he loves me...whys he chatting online/datingsites Posted: 5/15/2007 1:58:18 PM
I actually think that the ease and apparent anonymity of cruising online dating sites leads to a form of addictive behaviour. I have heard this same story from so many people..."he swears he loves only me and I am sure he is not actually meeting anyone else, but he still goes online"...that I am convinced there is a mass social phenomenon here. It's a strange new addiction that is ravaging otherwise viable relationships. I don't say this to condone or excuse the behaviour, but sometimes we have to understand what is going on before we can decide what to do.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

what do guys want when they say they are looking for friends? Posted: 5/15/2007 1:30:27 PM
I'm a firm believer of your observation, about the guys who "suck up" to females. I started believing this when I read the posts by guys about cuddling. macky42: what's wrong with cuddling? not manly enough or something? is it automatically sucking up if a man claims to enjoy it? what are you saying?

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Men...........women.........and sleep Posted: 2/7/2007 10:00:17 AM
I recommend a book called "The Sleep Thieves" by Stanley Coren. Apparently a lot of us are chronically sleep deprived and don't even realize it. It affects our health and well being in a myriad of ways, sometimes overt and sometimes subtle. If you cannot imagine starting your day without coffee or tea, then perhaps consider the possibility that you are not getting enough sleep.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Men...........women.........and sleep Posted: 2/6/2007 8:48:48 AM
^^^ Hey, how did that dup post happen?

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Men...........women.........and sleep Posted: 2/5/2007 2:58:25 PM
So now we know...different sleep patterns have a variety of causes. Even healthy people may need more or less sleep. I need about 8 hours and I have noticed that some people who get by with less consider it a weakness or moral failing. I tell them I just have more dreams to get through each night. In fact, I am probably doing some of their share, since they seme to be slacking off on their sleep chores.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Men...........women.........and sleep Posted: 2/5/2007 2:58:00 PM
So now we know...different sleep patterns have a variety of causes. Even healthy people may need more or less sleep. I need about 8 hours and I have noticed that some people who get by with less consider it a weakness or moral failing. I tell them I just have more dreams to get through each night. In fact, I am probably doing some of their share, since they seme to be slacking off on their sleep chores.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

It takes men longer... Posted: 2/5/2007 2:44:07 PM
My first love dumped me by moving in with my best friend. It was a complicated situation, and I was somewhat complicit. Yet it took me 7 years to recover and I lived like a monk through most of my 20s as a result. You could say it was a slow recovery, yeah. Since then I have practised preemptive the break-up method and avoided the problem. Epilogue: First love and ex-best friend are still together 30 years later. So it worked out well all around.

hemlockstones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Nice to (not ) know ya.... Posted: 2/3/2007 8:22:36 AM
pretending to think I am an interesting person ...when the interest is predicated on that they might be able to get some. nothing you reported about the conversation indicated that he was just out for sex. clearly he wanted to date you, and you gave him the "friends only" answer. he wanted more, but why do you interpret that as only wanting to "get some"? what makes you think he was pretending? you're way, way off base here. take a hard look at your attitude.

hemlockstones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Something I was told about the average guyon site Posted: 2/3/2007 7:58:10 AM
online is just like real life...only with more reading.... good one subotai, I love it!

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Wits end trying to understand men Posted: 2/2/2007 3:23:16 PM
Actually I understand your feelings...but you do need to back off a bit. Internet and phone relationships are powerful fantasy machines. It is so-o-o-o easy to build up a illusory sense of intimacy, based only on the exchange of words. Even with the f2f meeting under your belt, it is still early days and you have been moving at supersonic speed. Real relationships need more time than that to build. You may have a good start, but that's all it is. Perhaps this guy got a little nervous about the speed at which you were moving. It often happens that we feel wonderful initial connections with people, yet it does not turn into anything lasting. Since I've been meeting people on the Internet, that has happened at least a couple of dozen times. We met, had great conversations...then for one reason or another, we moved on. Why? It's a mystery. No hurt, no blame. So don't stress. If you both feel the lasting attraction, he will contact you. As others have said, he may just need time to collect his wits after the dizzying ride you have both been on. And yes, if that's what's happening here, he will deeply appreciate your understanding of his need to sort things out. Or he may figure out that he doesn't want to take it further. A gentleman would take the time to tell you that honestly but gently. Unfortunately, many lack the courage to do that. Give him a week to call. After that, sorry, but the odds are that he's left the building.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Why are men so arrogant? Posted: 2/1/2007 11:17:08 AM
probably just a chatterbox when he is nervous, but you don't have enough to draw any conclusions yet. I say give him another shot if that was the only problem. he may turn out to be capable of real dialogue yet. but if he turns out to be speed-rapping because he's a methedrine addict, then you should consider avoiding further contact.

hemlockstones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

if a girl brings to his attention that he didn't call when he said he would Posted: 1/31/2007 8:21:18 AM
I am going to assume that there was some sort of reasonable time frame to all this, and that you did not jump the gun by calling him too soon with your question. Common courtesy requires that if he says he is going to call, then he must do so. It's not harsh to question why a committment (albeit an informal one) was not honoured. He should have apologized for the lapse in courtesy, and that would be the end of it. Instead he ran away like a little puppy after a spanking. Sorry to say it, but he was probably not really interested anyway.

hemlockstones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 115 (view)

Cute or Hot? Posted: 1/31/2007 8:01:26 AM
^^^^ brilliant advice!

hemlockstones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

what do you think of the Viewed Me section Posted: 1/31/2007 7:41:35 AM
I'd like to know why I have someone showing in that who viewed me section when my profile is hidden? Has anyone found that their profile sometimes becomes spontaneously 'unhidden'? Or am I losing my marbles?

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Why does he not want more than dating? Posted: 1/30/2007 1:46:25 PM
ummm...did you say almost a month? that's only a long time if you are a mayfly. for humans, it is barely enough time to tell whether or not you are fatally allergic to each other. give it time. if you are really good for each other, you will both realize it soon enough.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

what is the likely houd of getting pregant from a one night stand? Posted: 1/30/2007 10:35:46 AM
who actuallly believes this story? not me. gotta be a fake.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

what do you think of the Viewed Me section Posted: 1/30/2007 10:21:41 AM
belly18dancer: I peeked at your profile, but because I have disabled "Who's viewed me?", I think you will never know. I lurk in the shadows. Muahahaha! Wait a minute...did I just give away my evil plan? Dang! smacks self on forehead

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Guys: Why do you have to end the friendship? Posted: 1/30/2007 8:29:34 AM
If you can't tell its not there after three dates then the issue is with you not him Huh? This seems senseless to me, and rather judgemental. You think you can know someone after three dates? Not likely. In fact, TBK seems to think there is something wrong with anyone who lacks that kind of psychic power. Of course, many will disagree with me. It seems like the world is split into two camps on this issue. I have a good friend who simply will not date someone if she is seeing anyone else at all. That's the rule from day one. To me, he seems deluded, but he insists that there is no other way to roll. If she will not commit to exclusivity early on, then he see her as playing games and simply not serious enough. Personally, I agree with the posters who like to spend time with a variety of people, and over time discover if any of them is an exceptionally good match. I do not believe that is possible within two or three dates. So I guess we are either leapers or creepers. I used to be a leaper, but I found that it led to mistakes and subsequent misery. Relationships are a lobster trap: easy to get in, hard to get out. So now I am a creeper (but not a creep, I hope ). I date various women, and someone of them have become true friends. This approach brings me more happiness. But I also agree with Arealangel that it is important to be careful with words and actions during that time. I am affectionate and passionate, and it is very easy to fall into the trap of implied intimacy too early.

HemlockStones

Joined: 10/27/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

can u av a female as a best m8 Posted: 1/29/2007 3:54:56 PM
apparently it is more common than we thought. I've had good girl/woman friends since I was a kid. I just love these women for all sorts of reasons. sure, there is often sexual tension. hell, I have had sexual tension with my financial adviser, bus drivers, servers at my favourite lunch spot, etc. etc. Don't even talk about my massage therapist! It's part of human life, so we just deal with it and try not to ruin anything by acting inappropriately.

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