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RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 109 (view)

Men over 45 who dye their hair Posted: 11/21/2009 6:54:54 PM
I'm not dying my hair mainly because of my mom. She's 70 and has a full head of silver hair that looks terrific. I won't have the full head of it, but I'll take the silver over the dyes/gels/liquids/creams every day of the week.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Nero 9 Lite For Free. Posted: 11/10/2009 1:52:13 PM
I gave up on Roxio and Nero a couple of years ago.... they get more bloated with each new version (I have software for photo editing and mp3s, I don't need it in my burn software - and I am not "burning" my vinyl 33s and 45s anytime soon). I stumbled on CDBurnerXP a couple of years ago, and it does all you could want from burning software - burns everything from CDs to BRs, makes flawless ISO discs (I used it to make my Win7 beta and RC installation discs) - and yep, it's 100% free.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Tech Support Firm Recommends to Wait with Windows 7 Upgrade. Posted: 11/3/2009 5:48:31 PM
Been running Win7 Beta and RC on a machine that met the bare minimums... AMD Athlon 64 X2 3800, 1.5GB of PC3200 RAM, on board audio and video. Neither the hardware nor the OS have flinched all year. In fact, some software runs better on the Win7 machine than on the XP machine (Athlon-64 X2 5200, 2GB of PC2-5300, on board video, separate 7.1 audio card). As for software, I am running as much on the Win7 RC as I can match up with the XP. If there wasn't a Win7-approved version or it wasn't Windows-universal, running the installation file in compatibility mode for Vista took care of it.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Trying to make the shoe fit as we age Posted: 9/10/2009 8:14:19 AM
In the teens and twenties, people are still essentially Play-doh... they are still experiencing things that will mold/shape the way they behave as adults. In the thirties, the clay has stiffened a bit but can still have the general shape refined. We've generally become who we'll be, but are still willing to respond and adjust to other ideas. But for the most part, once you clear your 40s, the clay is pretty hard, and there's not going to be too much change, save for a serious incident. We have become the "round holes" and the square pegs that come along make look nice, but it's up to us to admit - to ourselves and the others - that the square peg won't fit. There's no excuse for "accidental misrepresentation" on POF. Yes, some of the data you enter must be edited within a short time frame or it becomes permanent, but anyone can easily edit their text to say "sorry, I missed the edit window regarding X, and I'm really Q." If someone's profile seems vague or overly general, then one should politely inquire for specifics before making a decision... there's a very polite way to do that - "Hi! I was reading your profile and was wondering if you could answer a question I have..." - anyone with some semblance of civility will answer such an inquiry just as politely. If their answer shows the shoe won't fit, then you thank them for their time and move on. If their answer continues to exhibit generalities and misdirection, then you definitely move on.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

How many of you have DISABLED Microsoft Updates? Posted: 8/25/2009 8:01:47 PM
I have never allowed automatic updates. I check for them manually once a week with my regular maintenance routine, and on Update Tuesday. I select what I want and install them. In fact, the only auto-update I have activated is my AVG anti-virus because it's completely non-disruptive. Every other auto-update is disabled on both my WinXP SP3 and Win7 RC machines.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Too much baggage to start a new relationship ??? Posted: 8/3/2009 8:05:28 PM
You TELL Me how a grown man is supposed to live on $1000 a month ??? Rent food vehicle maintenance gas utilities What's left ? Oh wait........nothing !! Im not making excuses for him. I"m not an idiot. I can see his quandry Simple answer: Get More Jobs. I have had a second job for over 10 years. If I found myself in a situation where I needed even more income, Walmart and Home Depot are just 10 minutes away - damn right I'll stock shelves at 6 am! "Woe is me" doesn't get the bills paid if you're that far behind... getting off your butt and working 16 hours a day, 7 days a week does, if that's what it takes. This guy needs to look himself in the mirror and get his act together - either alone or with the help of some counseling. He's got children all over, so he's clearly not responsible with sex. If he's that damaged from past relationships, he should have sought help a while ago. Having your employer go under is not an excuse for money problems... I worked for the same company for 19 years - my primary job - they went under in April of 2008 with just 10 days' notice; I had a new job making the same money in 1 week. And if that job hadn't come along, I'd be working 3-4 places if that's what it took. You say this is the kind of guy who will "do the right thing"... well, the "right thing" is to dig out of the hole he's in, THEN he can think about dating. Cyn, your thought process is clearly clouded by the fact that you're in love with him. He can do no wrong in your eyes. You come up with a reason for every time you feel hurt and confused (which apparently is more often than anyone should put up with). You don't like most of the responses you've gotten here, but happily point out anyone who agrees with you. This man has not demonstrated that he can be a stable person capable of a strong relationship... you only HOPE he can. These are the clearest signs of someone who has chosen heart over head, and simply dismiss the possibility they made a poor decision.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Too much baggage to start a new relationship ??? Posted: 8/3/2009 9:47:51 AM
The next day I called him, no answer. I texted him, no response. Then at 7 pm he calls me and says and I quote, "we're not dating, we never were. We were just hanging out" Dont contact me again. Bye Abrupt endings like this are usually the only clue I need to consider them gone... especially when they come up with an excuse for why "there never was" a relationship. His mistake was leading you on prior to this point. Your mistake was taking him back after this point - especially getting back in bed. As soon as you recognized feeling hurt and confused a second time, he needed to be shown the door. He lives 2 hours away. That's definitely more in the area of F-Buddy distance than relationship distance. It's far enough to be an excuse if he doesn't want to show up ("I'm too tired to drive 4 hours total") and will keep you from making a spontaneous/surprise visit as well. You also didn't mention ever making the trip to his place for one of these scheduled get-togethers, which means he was holding the cards. If this guy really has all the issues he claims, then he should make himself a hands-off zone and get his life in order before he tries to share it with anyone else. One doesn't have to dispose of all their baggage, but it should be lined up neatly in the closet.

roadtrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Should I Prefer Daisies? Posted: 6/17/2009 3:03:09 PM
Photographically, you are outnumbered by your pets, and the one picture of you is an extended head shot. My usual advice applies here: would you be interested in a car if the only picture you saw was of the grille? That's not an anti-pet or anti-dog comment, but the purpose of your profile is you're looking for someone to be interested in you. There's also a bit of negativity in the text... the classic "if you're (this), I'm not for you". It comes across better if you simply point out your preferences instead of detailing the undesirables... it makes a more positive impression. Otherwise, you're on a good path!

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Meeting in real life Posted: 5/31/2009 4:00:58 PM
I LOVE being asked out by women... even if it's just to lunch with no expectations. OP, since you see this guy at the gym, the best way to strike up a conversation is to use your surroundings as the icebreaker. Say something like "I'm using this equipment on this setting - should I turn it up a notch?" That will get him talking and will probably ease the pressure both of you may be feeling.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Talking Dirty, Finances and Dating Posted: 5/31/2009 3:50:53 PM
Unfortunately, finances do matter, although the relative cost of living in any given area does come into play. Someone in a major metro area making $80K is just getting by; that same salary in West Nowhere could have them living quite well. I'm not looking for a millionaire, but I probably wouldn't be comfortable with someone who can't keep up with the monthly necessities, like keeping the electricity on. And because of the circumstances involved (and the resulting connectivity to finances), I also find someone's health important. Back in February, my cousin died of a massive heart attack just three weeks after his 40th birthday. There was a history (his father died the same way in 1996), and he was being treated for heart risks, but it was still unexpected, even to his cardiologist. His younger brother is also at risk, but because he's a free-lancer, has no health insurance whatsoever - if he gets a similar diagnosis, he's finished financially. I'm not saying it's a failing criteria for a partner; I dated a gal who had leukemia (under control). And I certainly wouldn't kick a partner to the curb if she developed a chronic condition after we were together. But if they're indifferent about their health and health care, that could become a financial crisis too... and it says something about their priorities.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Review me? Posted: 5/31/2009 3:26:50 PM
The two pictures you have posted are a little non-descript. They're taken at unusual angles and you don't get a clear look at your face. Think about what position someone would have to be to see you from that angle - crouched and with their head tilted - a little strange, right? You should always have one full-height body shot, too. The text is a little choppy. Break common thoughts into separate paragraphs - musical interests in one, lifestyle in another, and so forth. You also probably want to expand a little on what you're looking for... "cuddling and reflecting on life" is a little vague and is limited in how often you can do it. What are some of the things you hope to do together? Are you looking for another musician, or someone completely opposite? Otherwise, I think you're on the right track - good luck!

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Windows7 Rc, have you got yours? Posted: 5/25/2009 9:49:08 AM
I ran the 32-bit beta from January, and now run the 64-bit RC. My backup PC is below minimum standard (low grade on-board video and only 1.5GB of PC3200 RAM), but it's running just fine. I installed as much of my old software as possible (some required Vista compatibility mode, as they could not figure out what OS I was using), and I've only run into very minor glitches - most of which are the software' issue (when 3 programs can open mpgs with no sweat but the 4th can't, that's not Win7's fault). Only security/permissions issue I've encountered is my Atomic Clock program isn't allowed to update the system clock... yet. I'll work on that when I have time.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Best Free Applications/Software??? Posted: 5/14/2009 5:20:17 PM
Two of my favorites right now: CDBurnerXP - completely free burning software, burns everything from CD-R to Blu-Ray, makes excellent ISOs, and doesn't bloat your puter with all the stuff Roxio and Nero have been adding lately FLVPlayer4Free - great movie viewer, not only handles FLV files, but WMV, MPG, AVI, and MP4. Makes decent screen-caps too.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

If we could Rewind? Posted: 4/11/2009 7:32:32 PM
November 1985... my junior year of college. A 12-ounce bag of nacho cheese Doritos and a slightly-warm 2-liter bottle of birch beer... essentially consumed in one sitting. That set off a 4 month chain of health events that I'm still paying for in 2009. It didn't cause the health issue, but certainly kicked it to redline at a time when I could have taken care of it while it was still very mild and sporadic. It actually knocked me out of college, and I'm sure I would have been on a very different path of life than what actually came to pass.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

Am I old fashion or are guys better looking in jeans and a tee? Posted: 3/28/2009 10:30:23 PM
Sapphireeyes, post 19: It is funny but my favorite thing to wear is jeans, but so many men want to wear dress slacks to meet you...I would prefer them in jeans but they say it is a sign of respect when they dress up...unfortunately they resemble my father when they show up with the dress pants and a button up shirt ...normally some sort of plaid or stripe.... It's partially out of respect that a guy will attempt to dress a little better on a first meeting - the real answer to that is, women will badmouth the guy to all her friends for the next 6 months about how much of a lazy slob he was to just wear jeans on a first date, even if they were appropriate (amusement park, outdoor activity, etc.). I'm lucky in the fact that I work from home and thus wear jeans and a t-shirt every day. Since I'm in a chair at a desk, they have to be comfortable, so I make sure they fit properly. There's no point in wearing clothes I constantly have to adjust. And since weight does fluctuate occasionally, I also don't toss the jeans that might be too snug in the waist this year, or too loose next year - I may need them again. I keep about three sets of them in three general waist sizes depending on how much I'm weighing at the time... and I have at least 4 general shades (light blue, medium blue, dark blue, and black). This way, I know I have a good fitting pair of jeans to wear in public should the need arise that will go with any shirt or occasion. Heck, I went to my 25th high school reunion (2007) in a navy blazer, a white dress shirt, and some light blue Levi's 505s. All my old friends said I looked great. I don't even own a tie, let alone a suit... and the dressiest pants I have are Dockers-type casual slacks - so I know most of the time, my first impression on someone will indeed be in jeans, so they better look and fit properly. And once they're too worn down to be presentable, they become the jeans for cleaning house or working on my truck. They work for me.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Why would someone say they want to be friends? Posted: 2/22/2009 7:16:04 AM
I'm friends with all but 2 of my ex's. Now we aren't best friends but I do know that if I see them in public, we chat briefly and if I ever needed help, they would help me. I'm friends with more than a few women I've been involved with from girlfriend to friends with benefits because I like them as people and there's no reason to throw them out when the romantic (or physical stuff) stops. I'm with loft222, FormulaG, and Helen1967. I'm still friends with my ex-girlfriends... why? Because not liking each other was never the reason the romance ended. Maybe that's because I'm not a "one-and-done" or a serial dater. The "date" won't happen until after we have connected on several fronts, so she will be someone I'd be interested in talking to anyway. So for me, friendship is not an "alternative relationship" to dating someone; it was there in the first place.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 383 (view)

Why do women who show cleavage get upset when a guy stares at their breasts? Posted: 2/21/2009 10:25:00 AM
The gal I was with back in 98 had stepped out from her office for lunch. She was strolling down a sidewalk and passed by a younger guy. (She had Ds and it was summer, do the math LOL - no way to hide 'em.) This guy obviously failed tact class, as she actually heard him say "Man, that's a nice pair of t!ts" - so being the bold type she was, she spun around and said with a big grin "I'll be sure and tell my boyfriend you like 'em!" He quickly threw up his hands and backpedaled "No, no, I don't want any trouble!" She couldn't wait to call and tell me that story later that day... little did the guy know that this was an LDR and said boyfriend was a time zone away. I bring her up because in this instance, it actually was a cleavage picture that "landed me". Tasteful but sexy as hell. We were an item for 6 months (the distance really did hurt), but we're still very good friends today and we still laugh about things like that from 11 years ago. My general opinion on cleavage is simple... ladies, if you're gonna show it (or genuinely can't conceal the front porch), just don't be crude about it. (Hell, Match allows you to say "chest" is your best feature.) But guys can tell if you're wearing something obviously too small/tight/low and they'll react just as blatantly.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

who should do the calling? Posted: 2/17/2009 10:32:06 AM
I find it amazing that people are sophisticated and tech-savvy enough to want to meet via internet dating/meeting sites, then somehow revert to the days of "Leave It To Beaver" as far as calling each other. You can't say that relationships should be equal - except for telephoning each other. If I want to talk to her, I will dial her number... but I would also expect her to call me when she wants to speak to me. Sitting around waiting for the phone to ring is not the sign of maturity and confidence I would expect from someone I was involved with. If I find myself making a severe majority of the phone calls, I will "call" her on it.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 114 (view)

Racism in Dating Posted: 2/10/2009 5:01:56 PM
I really do appreciate the time you all took to further explain your situations. And your perspective is appreciated as well. And racism does occur internally, meaning from within the same group. I've been called an "Oreo" plenty of times by other blacks. One of the points I had hoped to make from my initial post - in referencing my thoroughly integrated school classmates, the 6 year old at the same location as the elderly woman, and my godson drawing the picture of me - is that children generally don't "see" race. It's usually something they will be taught by an adult or a peer who learned it from an adult. So until that generational thought process is stopped, racism will continue.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 111 (view)

Racism in Dating Posted: 2/10/2009 2:58:05 PM
Unless you know for a fact by speaking to her, that it wasn't because she was elderly and you were a young, strong man, but in fact because you were black, then yes, it's still an assumption. There are too many possible reasons for that having took place to assume it was because you're black. We were the only two people on the sidewalk at the time. This was not Broadway we were on, but a quiet suburban street in a residential neighborhood near the college campus. Where did I ever imply any of the above? // Please show me where I did this. From your earlier statement: It sounds to me that you have taken issue with many people based soley on the color of their skin and your assumptions. I'd give us the benefit of the doubt. That is your assumption based on what you have read. You are assuming that I was assuming. "It sounds to me" implies your opinion. I could take up a lot of bandwidth explaining the details of what I initially posted, but there's no reason to do so. Your life experiences are such that you haven't seen the behavior that some of us are referencing, and that's fine. But to suggest that other people's experiences and conclusions are "assumptions" because of your interpretation is shortsighted. As I noted, I was lucky enough to grow up in a town where background was a non-issue - but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced racism elsewhere, and thus don't recognize it.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 108 (view)

Racism in Dating Posted: 2/10/2009 1:50:23 PM
Only1DayWalker: Some things are just human nature, and I wouldn't assume that she crossed the street because you were black, unless you were able to speak to her. This was not a bad neighborhood (quite the opposite), and I was going to an expensive university. The fact that she looked at me, crossed the street, went ONE BLOCK, and crossed back to continue walking where I had been, is not "an assumption" - and her actions were sufficient for any reasonable person to make the same conclusion. It sounds to me that you have taken issue with many people based soley on the color of their skin and your assumptions. I'd give us the benefit of the doubt. If your client had been black, would you have drawn the same conclusions? How about if she was hispanic? I haven't taken issue with anyone. I am reporting my observations and making very reasonable conclusions based on actions. I didn't go into all the details of conversations that transpired between myself and that client before and after we met in person, but there was a MAJOR change in her tone after meeting me. Where did I say ALL of my white clients are like this? Where did I say EVERY elderly white woman avoided me on the sidewalk? For that one woman who did, I can say with pride that 20 others have asked me to help them cross a busy street or reach a high-shelf item in a store. The assumption being made is YOURS, as you imply I am against many people because of the actions of a handful.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 92 (view)

Racism in Dating Posted: 2/9/2009 8:50:01 PM
I was lucky enough to grow up in a thoroughly integrated town. We kids didn't care what color/race/nationality/religion/gender you were... and our high school reunions have reflected that attitude decades later - we're all genuinely happy to see our old friends again. The most important lesson I learned about racism came in college. After my freshman year, I had a small apartment and walked to the campus every day. On my way, I passed an all-girls academy, grades K-8. One morning, I was walking to the college campus, and had just passed the academy. An adorable little girl (white), couldn't have been more than 6 years old, was walking towards me on the sidewalk in her school uniform with her book bag. As she approached me, she flashed a huge smile, said a bright bubbly "Hi!", and kept walking. I was so surprised, all I could think to do was smile and wave. On that very same block not that much later, I watched in dismay as an elderly white woman chose to cross the street, walk one block on the opposite side of the street, then crossed back so she wouldn't have to walk past me on the same sidewalk. Taught me all I needed to know. My 4 godchildren are white (three brothers and a sister). When he was about 7, the second oldest had a school assignment to draw someone he admired. The teacher noted he drew a man with a lot of brown crayon. Inquiring who the person was, he promptly replied "My uncle!" (This is how the children were introduced to me.) The teacher actually called their mother after school, concerned over this situation and wondering how a white boy could think he had a black uncle. Their mother promptly began laughing, but explained who I was in relation to the children. While I have not been turned down in the manner the OP was, I have certainly had my share of "I don't date your type" replies in other settings... one of which was when I was simply talking with a woman in a chat room - said nothing about ever meeting, let alone dating - but apparently upon seeing my profile picture, she felt the need to send an email noting I was not her type. (Ooooookay...) At my previous job, one client who had only dealt with me over the phone, took a liking to me so much that she said she was considering introducing me to her daughter because I seemed like such a great guy. Our companies then had an in-person conference, and upon seeing I had a "year-round tan", never mentioned her daughter again. Personally, I wouldn't be here without interracial relationships (we have traced the Native American and Dutch lines in our family back to the mid 1800s) or teen pregnancies (my paternal grandmother conceived all her children before she was 20). So I have never had an issue with either. Race has never been a concern of mine - I have been attracted to women of all ethnicities, just as I have been unattracted to women of all ethnicities. It's the individual that matters, not their categorization.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Would you break it off with someone you like? Posted: 2/8/2009 4:20:35 PM
I can't/won't force anyone to like me. As a result, I will move on when they don't. If I'm not doing cartwheels in my head over her, I shouldn't waste her time or emotions either.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Seeking someone who has never been married? Posted: 2/8/2009 3:06:55 PM
As a never-married guy, I have to say I wouldn't decide based on previous marital status. I have met women who finally gained some maturity and independence after their divorce. They're more than ready to love someone, but also recognize that they don't have to put up with the crap any more. I have met never-married women who are seemingly clueless to what a solid relationship involves. They're all but living the lyrics of those 60s songs like "I Will Follow Him" or "Johnny Angel"... I had a co-worker some years back who thought her bf was the man of all men despite the fact he more than occasionally treated her like something he stepped in on the sidewalk - that would result in a loud screaming match, but the next day, who was dropping her off at work? Even with the expansion of the fish pond (thanks to the internet), the odds of finding one's ideal/dream mate are still really low. The ability to accept and compromise are just as important to a successful relationship as sticking to your standards and beliefs.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Windows 7 to come in 6 editions Posted: 2/6/2009 10:22:16 PM
Been running the Win 7 Ultimate 32-bit beta for a while on my backup computer... remarkably stable for a beta. Found all my hardware right away, and so far, all of my software that I added is working. When the next beta comes out this summer, I'll try the 64-bit (the processor is an Athlon 64 X2 so no worries there). In release, I would definitely use Win 7 Pro instead of Ultimate... I'm considering a dual OS though... Linux/Win 7 combo, because I have some apps that have no Linux version. But I'll worry about that in 2010.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 443 (view)

Whats the Best Accent you've hear that you love... and why Posted: 2/2/2009 7:20:21 PM
1 - The "Scarlett O'Hara" Southern Belle accent 2 - New Zealand - had a galpal from the land of kiwi... I could listen to her read the phone book out loud...

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 68 (view)

Why I never meet anyone without a picture.... Posted: 1/25/2009 1:25:48 PM
I've had experiences both good and bad without pictures. Back in 1996, there was the gal I met in a chat room. She was a very good conversationalist, and we were able to talk about lots of tings. While our residences were over an hour apart, we only worked about 25 minutes from each other, so things looked possible. We added telephone conversation, and things clicked even more - on one occasion, we spent literally all night on the phone, from 11 pm to 8 am. She had that light soft bedroom voice that a guy could listen to for days. She even ended up being the first woman to send me flowers - she sent a bouquet to my office for my birthday. I did have a picture and had sent it; she did not have a picture. But back them, digital cameras weren't the rage and scanners were a "luxury item", not to mention most of us were on dial-up back then. So I politely pressed for a description, which was always given as "average." We decided to go on a picnic date the weekend after my birthday (yeah, the flowers won me over). She knew who she was looking for, but I of course did not. I heard her voice from behind "there you are" and I tuned around to see her for the first time. Was she a model? No, and maybe a few pounds heavier than I expected, but she still had a cute face and I already knew the personality. We ended up staying there until the park police kicked people out because it was too dark, but not before sharing a pretty serious kiss. Unfortunately, (and to her credit, she had warned me), her family did not approve of their Irish daughter being involved with anyone of color, and she was forced to choose her family or me. She was very upset about it and tried to avoid me, but I was able to convince her that I wasn't mad at her and talked her into meeting me for lunch again. And again, we ended up spending all day together. We're still friends to this day, even though she moved down to Florida a couple of years after we met. So good things can happen. In contrast, I have far more issue with Glamour Shots and other professionally posed pictures. Why post a picture at your absolute maximum best, when you likely didn't look like that before the shoot and haven't looked like it since? Those encounters can be even more disconcerting than no picture at all, because you've been given an image to work with.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

This ain't my first rodeo!!! Posted: 1/25/2009 12:37:06 PM
BBW2love: <div class="quote"> My bf says. "what do you want from the store, babe?" I tell him. He comes back with what he thinks I should have from the store. It always has to be a bargain or bought with a coupon. It can't be what I specifically asked for. This isn't so much a control thing as it is most men not knowing how to shop for food. When I was a teen and sent to the store, a list from my mom would be very specific, often including brand names and package sizes. A list from Dad would be beyond generic. Mom's list: 1 pound 80% ground beef bologna spiced ham Kraft American cheese (coupon) Dad's list, exact same items (not making this up): chop meat cold cuts Didn't help any that Dad wasn't a great speller, either. First time he handed me a list that said "chop meat" on it, it literally took me a few minutes to figure out what that meant. To the original topic, "This ain't my first rodeo" happens in more than just domestic relationships. My favorite is when so called "experts" try their best to look for the most complicated solutions to what is usually the simplest of problems. I wrote my first computer program as a senior in high school in the fall of 1981, and I've been doing it as a profession for the last 18 years. I can build a PC from scratch by buying all the parts. But of course, my degree is not in computer science, nor do I have all the cool certificates for taking courses from Microsoft. So I often enjoy when one of these younger IT staffers try to figure out a tech problem that I already know can be solved in a matter of minutes. "Well, I may have to upgrade this, unplug and replace that, make sure the wires inside are connected, and so on." And I'll chime in, "Or, you could go to Advanced Properties, make sure Item Z in unchecked, and reboot." Which is usually followed by a lot of "Ummmm... uhhh..." I also work part time in the auto industry and once got a "help question" that went along the lines of "I gave my car a tune-up in the back yard and then it ran horribly - so I changed the muffler, catalytic converter, intake manifold, and put in a new battery, but none of that helped. What should I do?" Hmmmm... since none of those parts were at issue before this tune-up, I guess double-checking what you did during the tune-up was not an option... Of course, going back to dear old Dad, here was one my sister witnessed, so I have proof it happened... he was in the living room tugging away on the TV knob and it would not come on. "You kids are always messing with this thing!" Very casually, I got up from the kitchen table, strolled into the living room, pulled the knob next to the one Dad was yanking on, and kept walking. Dad was tugging on the contrast knob instead of the on/off knob. After it hit him, even he had to laugh.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

T.V. and Hollywood`s effect on physical requirements. Posted: 1/19/2009 8:24:01 PM
But she's hardly a household name, if that's what you mean... Exactly what I mean Or to look at it another way, Alex Rodriguez and the backup outfielder for the Kansas City Royals are both major-league baseball players... but A-Rod is a celebrity.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

T.V. and Hollywood`s effect on physical requirements. Posted: 1/19/2009 8:13:02 PM
Not all celebrities are fake. My cousin is a successful and very classically-beautiful model, and in her magazine photos she looks basically like she does in real life, with just a normal face of makeup on. I differentiate models from celebrities. I have had the pleasure of meeting models over the years; one I met back in the 90s was positively stunning. But that was a part-time job for her - her day job was in an office. That's far from "celebrity" status. Being a celebrity is all about the fame and publicity - if a magazine or catalog model doesn't reveal who he/she is, then it's simply a profession, and that sounds like your cousin. A successful model doesn't necessarily have to be a famous one.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

T.V. and Hollywood`s effect on physical requirements. Posted: 1/19/2009 7:24:10 PM
This all started long before People, Entertainment Tonight, and The National Enquirer. For those of us over 40, think back to junior high and high school - we were programmed to believe the "ideals" were the football captain and head cheerleader... everyone else was second-class. As for Hollywood, Frankie and Annette on the beach were the couple to strive for, even into the 1970s. The problem isn't teenagers; every generation of teens has their fads. The problems is the people who refuse to accept their age and/or their physique. The women who get boob jobs because it's a lot easier to add to your chest than subtract from your hips. The guys who stuck with the preppy look 2 decades too long because it gives them the "country club" aura. Women who think they're still slim/hip enough to wear whatever Cher has on, even though they're all well over 50 and look ridiculous if not downright scary in low-hip pants and bare stomachs. The older guy who doesn't realize women still drool over Sean Connery primarily because of what he was, not what he is. Personally, I could care less about what celebrities are up to, and can't stand the fact that the media assumes I know who these people are just by their face or first name. I have no desire to emulate any of them. Hell, I've seen cashiers at Sears who look better than some of these "celebrities".

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Knock out looks VS roly poly cute or plain Posted: 1/14/2009 12:28:14 PM
I have met women of all 4 "types"... beautiful and the intelligence/compassion to go with it, beautiful and a real jerk, plain and intelligent/compassionate, and plain who are jerks. It's about the total package, not any one aspect. When two "total packages" get together, you have a happy couple for a long time.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Getting a guy to go see the (ugh!) doctor Posted: 1/7/2009 9:32:22 PM
Both of my grandfathers got prostate cancer, one has died from it already. So I suck it up and get the finger every year. It beats the alternative. My cholesterol was a little high, so my doctor and I worked on getting it down - now it's actually well below the range of concern. I need to lose a few pounds and exercise more, but other than that, I'm just fine. Ideo, you're using the wrong tact if you're telling men to see a doctor because something might be wrong. Go the other way - tell them to see a doctor for the same reason they change the oil in their car, to make sure everything stays "right". If everything is in working order, the doctor visit is just once a year.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Has anybody seen my midlife crisis? Posted: 1/7/2009 9:03:32 PM
"When my dad hit 50 in 1988, he traded a Pontiac station wagon with wood paneling for a Thunderbird Turbo. I think that qualifies" Hi Roadtrip3500: Why does this signify a midlife crisis? I just signed up for motorcycle school....so does that mean i am having a post midlife crisis? lol.... You'd have to know my dad... He's been driving a minivan since 2001 - his "retirement Winnebago"

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Ever been asked,Why aren't you married? Posted: 1/7/2009 3:58:33 PM
At my 20th high school reunion, my single classmates said "Don't worry, you'll find someone... no one's in a rush now". The married classmates all said "I just adore [my spouse], and that's why I brought them with me!" At my 25th reunion, those same married classmates came by themselves... and both the single and married classmates all said to me "You're still single? STAY THAT WAY!" So when someone asks why I'm not married, I say "Because I've been told not to!"

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Has anybody seen my midlife crisis? Posted: 1/7/2009 3:41:13 PM
When my dad hit 50 in 1988, he traded a Pontiac station wagon with wood paneling for a Thunderbird Turbo. I think that qualifies (I already drive what I want, so that won't happen to me.) Just from observation, the MLC appears to happen with people who are stagnant... and I don't mean one job, one spouse the whole time, but stagnant in stature. Even if you change jobs, the new ones are never more exciting or lucrative than the previous. That "same ol same ol" rut in the relationship where you know what will happen a week before it does. Going through the motions, for lack of a better phrase. The MLC shakes that up. It's something unexpected for that person, something a little out of character. It could be new wheels, a new home with wild furnishings and a game room, a May-December romance... but always something very different than what's been going on. Unfortunately, I know I'm in a classic path to that MLC. I've been pretty stagnant for years. Maybe it will hit early and I'll do something bizarre this year Maybe it hits at 50. Maybe it never happens at all. I'll just have to wait and see.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Is she just a friend? Posted: 1/1/2009 1:40:30 PM
She's manipulative and you're feeding it. She is thoroughly enjoying the fact that she says "Jump" and you ask "How high?" I'm assuming she's around your age (early 20s), and I have seen this from other women I know in that age range - it's a control issue with these gals. In your case, she wants you around when it's convenient for her, and you're not making it any better by getting in the same bed with her, knowing nothing will happen but snoring. When I want a snugglemonster, my goddaughter is good for that, but that's what I expect from a child. Not so with adult relationships... regular sharing of a bed should be leading into or out of something a bit more advanced.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 179 (view)

Single, Over 45 and Starving? Posted: 12/27/2008 5:09:14 PM
I enjoy cooking. I watched my mother do it when I was a kid, and picked it right up. When most of the guys were taking wood shop in 7th grade, I took cooking (yes, I was the only male in that class... bonus). I was a restaurant cook during my college years. And I still enjoy cooking today, and do it often - for myself. Yes, I could go to the supermarket and spend $5 for a frozen dinner, but I'd actually rather bake the turkey breast filets and steam the vegetables myself. On football Sundays, I toss some ground sirloin tip into my cast-iron grill pan (George Foreman doesn't need any of my money, this pan should outlive me) and bake some the big Nathan's oversize fries for my weekly NY Giants fix. For the price of 3 sandwiches at Subway, I can buy enough bread and cold cuts for two weeks. When it's my turn to host either Thanksgiving or Christmas (we rotate in the family), no one is allowed in the kitchen with me. I make just about everything. the oven is lit all day, all the stove burners are flame-on... heck, I even make the dinner biscuits from scratch (and I mean starting with a bag of flour, not a can of Pillsbury from the refrigerated section). A galpal of mine is a first-gen Italian American... her parents and grandparents were born in Italy and moved to the US. She didn't believe my "bragging" about my homemade lasagna until she tried it - she even watched me make it. She concluded it was better than hers, better than her mother's, and tied her grandmother's lasagna. Can't get a better review than that. (And before anyone asks, it's not an actual recipe, I just kinda "do it", but I'll answer emails about it.) My kitchen is equipped... mixing bowls, bakeware, measuring cups and spoons, knife set, cutting board, multiple sizes of pots and pans, and all sorts of gadgets. I never use a food processor, and I haven't used my blender in 6 years - I prefer to prepare by hand. But that's just me... I know it's not the norm.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

How do you get over a crush? Posted: 12/26/2008 2:54:57 PM
Been there done that. It was clear we hit it off well when we first met (she picked up a part-time job at my firm where I was full-time), but she was engaged, so off-limits. Engagement breaks off but before I even have the chance to take a gamble, she says she is taking a break from dating. Fine, still off-limits. She meets a guy on a plane during a business trip and she's dating again. You see the pattern here. And yet, she always enjoyed talking to me, grabbing a bite to eat from time to time, and we never missed each other's birthday. The friendship lasted for years until she got laid off from her day job and found herself scrambling. But I understood pretty quickly the crush was mine only and I was able to let it go and keep the friendship instead. It's the Dreaded Friend Zone and once there, you better be happy with just that, or you'll just tear your hair out. If your crush is such that your first thought upon seeing her is always "What if she and I...?", then you need to part company - and don't hesitate to tell her why.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Don't you think Seven months is long enough ?????? Posted: 12/22/2008 6:37:05 AM
Ok, so you were having an affair with a married man? You've "been with" him for 7 months, but his wife only left him in October of 08? That's three months ago. It sounds like he's got enough stress without someone hounding him for a "relationship" If he was married for a lot of years, it might take him a very long time to "get over" his wife. I would just give it a rest, and if you can't give him the time he needs, at least cut him loose so he won't be stressed over you and you can move on and find someone who wants what you do. C'mon folks, the OP corrected this early in the thread - gotta read more than just the first post!

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 70 (view)

Is owning a home a positive or negative? Posted: 12/20/2008 9:38:09 PM
In my case, I chose an apartment over ownership in 2002 because I knew ownership would have put me on the ragged edge of disaster financially, and the time for upkeep would be limited. At the time, I had plenty of cash for a reasonable down payment and qualified for all the "first-time buyer" programs. But as we've seen recently, some of the people who were in my shoes and chose ownership are foreclosing because their rising ARM interest killed them. That could have easily been me, especially this past April when my employer of 19 years went under with one week notice and no severance. (I got lucky and was snapped up by a larger competitor right away.) The physical dwelling anyone chooses should be a personal decision - and unless it's a rat-infested slum, trailer on the verge of collapse, or some other indication of poor judgment/safety, it shouldn't matter in this day and age if one pays the rent or the mortgage.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Review my profile please Posted: 12/20/2008 9:15:08 PM
Try to add one full-height picture... guys are visual creatures and are wary about women who only post headshots. And I agree, add some smiles too. The text is excellent - you're detailed, clear, and give a guy all he needs to make that initial decision to write to you. Best of luck!

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

communication Posted: 12/20/2008 8:47:50 PM
After reading all the responses here, there really seems to be an issue with definitions of "communication". When it is noted that communication is necessary in a relationship, it's about the quality, not the quantity. You can talk to someone 4 times a day and effectively not say a damn thing... and you can talk to someone once a week and have some pretty deep/intense conversation. Clearly, the OP prefers the latter (and so do I). Yes, there are people who live to chat and can do it all day, every day even if they talk for a living. Then there are people like the OP who feel that talking is their occupation and doing it that much more in daily personal life is draining. His GF should recognize that and accept that there will be days (the OP did say "sometimes", not "every day") where he needs time/space to just unwind. I work on and with computers every day - getting a "tech support" call every day from a friend after I'm done would annoy the crap out of me. "Girldiver" said she was married to a chef who wouldn't cook after work - I was a restaurant cook in my college years, and when I got home, I usually just had a big bowl of cereal - the stove was the last thing I wanted to use after being in a fast-paced kitchen all day. So I definitely understand what the OP means.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Don't you think Seven months is long enough ?????? Posted: 12/20/2008 8:26:17 PM
Hoosierlady, we really need to know a few more things. What exactly have you two been doing these 7 months - actual dates, just a casual dinner together once in a while, daily phone calls, sex? What did he say to you when you first met - did he start out gangbusters then cool off, or has he been consistent this whole time? Knowing how he interacts with you makes a difference... if he has not been romantic with you, then you're in a one-sided love affair and probably need to retreat. If he started out romantic and cooled off, then he likely feels you're a great friend but not the one that gives him butterflies. And as others noted, if he has already had 2 stress-induced heart attacks, then he has likely been advised to calm himself down and keep emotions in check - if he gets the hint that you're pressuring him into something he's not ready for (or doesn't want at all), he will cut the friendship too.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 65 (view)

Christmas/Holiday gifts Posted: 12/19/2008 6:50:34 PM
My godchildren are getting a brand new computer with a widescreen LCD monitor - it's already tucked away at their grandmother's house. The 4 kids have been going through custody hell for nearly 2 years now, and they deserve it.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 131 (view)

Should you give up your male friends?? Posted: 12/19/2008 6:32:39 PM
All my closest friends are female. Many of them have become "de-facto sisters" and for all intents and purposes, I consider them a package deal. Any woman I date has to understand and accept this, and I reciprocate in terms of her male friends. Your closest friends, especially those you've had a long time (10+ years), become part of your extended family. I've watched my galpals go through marriage, childbirth, health issues, and divorce - and when they need an ear or a hug, they know they'll get it from me. Someone asking me to dismiss them may as well request I ditch my parents as well.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Body Issues? Posted: 12/19/2008 6:08:59 PM
I was lucky enough to figure out in college that women have curves. Unless she's a fitness fanatic, most moms will have a bit of stretch to the tummy. It's not uncommon, and it's not as bad as your experience with one guy should lead you to believe. Instead of trying to hide what you are thinking is a flaw, you should be letting potential suitors know that "This is me, this is how I look, and I have better things to spend my money on than plastic surgery." While we all have our fantasy of physical ideal, the reality is you're never going to meet the person who looks like that dream. If I find 75% of that "physical dream girl", I'm WAY ahead of the game. Only 12 women a year make the centerfold of Playboy... that doesn't make all the rest ugly.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Spontaneous Arrousal Posted: 12/19/2008 5:45:52 PM
"Loading" is not an issue. "Reloading" is. In my teens and 20s, it was quantity, but now in my 40s, it's quality. So instead of three consecutive 30-minute sessions, a lady may get one 75-minute session. The gun will only fire once, but she'll have a lot more fun until it happens.

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

How do find out their REAL age? Posted: 10/22/2008 3:03:37 PM
I'm happy about my age... it's the oldest I've ever been. (hiding fake ID used to allow me to post in the Dating Over 45 forum)

RoadTrip3500

Joined: 10/28/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Guys, friendship advice and your take? Posted: 9/22/2008 12:15:54 PM
I don't wish it were more, I just wish it were the same as before. I do need to accept the change. There is a part of me that would rather risk the friendship by putting it out there and getting to the nitty gritty of it than continuing on in this weird fade zone.. and another part of me that knows if he was willing to talk about it then he would have already so I should just let it be and let it progress or die out naturally. Haha, then I go back again to the first thought with the idea that I have nothing to lose by putting it out there because the friendship is fading anyway. sigh "More" meaning more than what you have now... that's what I understood your initial post to be asking. That weird fade zone is the platonic equivalent of the Dreaded Friend Zone for romance... part of you wants to just say "the hell with THIS" and move on. It comes down to whether you can see yourself still chatting with this person 5 years from now after both of you may have gotten married, had kids, moved, changed jobs, maybe gone through a brief tough stretch. If you can say yes to that, then airing it out might be worth your while.

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