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virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

You're too posh for me!!! Posted: 1/4/2009 7:47:52 AM
It doesn't bother me when I date a girl who comes from a family with money (I sure don't) or makes more money than me, unless she throws it in my face. Then it's over. Went out with a girl and things were going okay when she mentioned that she makes more money at her job and always would. Life's too short to deal with that, I was working full-time and doing fine, there was no need for her to say that. Sounds like you did nothing wrong, he was feeling a little insecure and needs someone a little less financially secure than you I guess. There are plenty of other guys who will appreciate your position and outlook so no big deal. Happy New Year!

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 68 (view)

men outnumber women on dating sites Fact? or Myth? Posted: 1/4/2009 7:26:01 AM
I did the 10 mile radius search for guys and for girls, 22 pages of guys, 21 pages of girls, pretty close to even down here. That was age group 32-45. Why men would use the internet more than women do for dating? Well, if a decent looking woman walks into a nightclub, sports bar, wherever and hits on a guy, what are her chances of getting a positive response? Very, very good, 90% maybe? A decent looking guy? If he does it right, maybe 50%. Men have to try harder. Women have to be a little more cautious so that they don't end up alone with a very aggressive guy, men rarely have to worry about that. If a woman wants a long-term, satisying relationship, THEN she has her work cut out for her, determining if a guy is legit, honest and trustworthy. I've found that there are quite a few women who aren't trustworthy but at least they weren't just trying to get laid, they had other motives, some of which I still haven't figured out. I personally hate meeting women in social gatherings because it's really hard to say anything that doesn't sound like a pickup line. Breaking the ice is easier on here and when I meet them the first time they know enough about me and I them and it's not very awkward. That's just me, I love to write and pretty much write like I talk so it's easy.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Change- oh the horror Posted: 12/21/2008 10:31:37 AM
Changing underwear should be second nature and anyone who has no clue that they stink probably are clueless about alot of things. If you can't stand the smell of whomever you are with then you should probably sniff elsewhere. When someone is really trying to change someone they are seeing there are bound to be problems. Earlier this year I was with a girl for about 6 weeks who did not like the look of men's feet, including mine. If I am not working or going out at night I wear shorts and sandals, in decent shape, not surfer-dude bum stuff. She wanted me to wear shoes and pants unless we were going to the beach. There is no way, we are in Florida. So that relationship was doomed, not just for that reason but that wasn't good. Buying someone clothes you'd like to see them in is one thing, demanding they change 75% of their wardrobe is another. Changing someone in any significant way, who they are, their lifestyle, really altering their appearance to satisfy your wants is a bad idea, not many women want to be with a guy who only wants them if they drop a few dress sizes. Showering, good hygiene, combing hair, looking presentable are not usually unreasonable requests, grunge has been out for awhile anyway.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 70 (view)

What do you think of White Suburban Women who act likeHoodrats? Posted: 12/7/2008 12:38:03 PM
Personally, I think the only time a white person should talk like a hoodrat is for comic effect and even then it should be used right or it sounds really pathetic and insulting. I used to goof at a couple of jobs I worked at and the black guys I worked with thought it was hilarious. One guy named Jerry said "Julie and Kat both want you Joel, you got the whole customer service after your a$$." I just danced a little and sang "Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never gonna get it." Destiny's Child song I think, and Jerry fell down laughing. It can be humorous if the white person is aware of what they are doing and saying and that they are ridiculous, when they do it seriously, sad, sad, sad. Maybe one that grew up in the hood and that's how they were raised can get away with it but it still cracks me up. Like white girls with corn rows, gets me every time.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

People who go MIA - is there just general thoughtlessness nowadays? Posted: 12/7/2008 9:43:53 AM
I'm pretty sure this not-so-phenomenal phenomenon has happened to everybody who has spent a fair amount of time online. Reasons could range from the person was talking to several people at once and found one that was closer or they just liked more to the other person dying/getting in an accident/gravely ill. Although the latter is rare and probably is the reason 1% or less of the time, you know it happens. There are also those that get scared when the real feelings emerge and get cold feet when it starts looking like a real, grown-up relationship is in the offing. I've become distant from women I had been talking to, usually because I decided we lived too far apart and it wasn't going to lead anywhere. Since I was looking for a relationship and not a booty call, I saw no point in it. The grown up thing would be to talk to her and be upfront, I have chickened out in the past but would still respond to emails and questions, never just went from "I have feelings for you" to nothing, unless the woman went psycho, once they start insults or nastiness I owe them nothing. This is a great medium to meet a mate but is fraught with problems, the convenience and annonimity of it all has it's price.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

why does my boyfriend go soft during intmacy Posted: 12/7/2008 8:20:27 AM
I'll just say that Replaced, that was harsh. You are definitely not athletic judging from your sad sack picture and a bit of a toad as well. Guys that feel the need to brag about the number of women they have been with have probably: 1) Been with some pretty low self-esteem, bottom dweller women 2) Are lying 3) Suffering from justified feelings of inadequacy As far as latin men being better in some way, not according to my peruvian girlfriend.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 378 (view)

People who think you are hot V2. Posted: 12/7/2008 7:54:30 AM
How do you assume these women would think I am hot? That is a bit misleading, but of the 18 who MIGHT be interested, I would date two of them judging from their profiles. Why not the rest? Distance, age, initial attraction, smoking, etc...Of the 5 listed whom I've had contact with in the past, two of them, one lives too far away but I do consider a friend of sorts, the other just seems very nice and is easy on the eyes in a very good, "girl next door" way. I guess this new feature is entertaining and nothing wrong with it, I think most people would have better luck just doing a search on their own though. Just an old salt remembering our Pearl Harbor vets and those lost there

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Why are men afraid of affection? Posted: 10/4/2008 9:41:49 AM
I really have to like or love a girl to want to cuddle, snuggle, hold hands and all the PDA stuff. I've been out with girls where I felt no chemistry and they wanted to do all that stuff and I wasn't feeling it, if I had it would have been fake, leading them on. But if I am in love? Oh yeah, touching throughout the day, stroking her hair, her cheek, looking in her eyes, the whole enchilada. There's nothing better. My parents were very much like that up until the day dad died, very good examples.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Is Unrequited Love still Real Love? Posted: 10/4/2008 9:33:27 AM
I'm assuming we are talking about being IN love, romantic relationship love. I would say you can love someone in that way even though the love is not mutual. It sucks and I believe cannot last, if it is one way and the love is not returned it will die. I believe many marriages I've seen are suffering from this and it is horrible for the person who is still in love, to give and give and receive no validation or nurturing, ugh. I will never love a woman or stay in a relationship again if she does not love me as well, done that before and learned my lesson, too much pride and life is not long enough to stay in a loveless relationship again.If we are talking about just generally loving someone and not having the love returned, absolutely. Anyone who loves a relative who has alzheimers experiences that, or a seriously troubled teenager, or anyone having problems and not able to express love.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Ethical issue: when your friend and your ex like each other Posted: 10/2/2008 2:34:12 PM
Unless you live in a small town with very few people to choose from to date, why would a person date a friend's ex? I see that you live in Santa Cruz, I've been there, my ex is from Hayward, California in the bay area. The whole place was overpopulated 17 years ago when I was there last. Why would someone who is a true friend start dating your ex? Makes no sense to me. I would never date an ex of one of my friends, and I grew up in a fairly small town in Iowa. Admittedly my friends and I had different tastes in women so there wasn't much temptation there. So, personally, I think your friend is in the wrong, as a friend. That being said, what she and he do is none of your business. You may lose your friend, and your ex as a friend, but that's just the way it is. One or both may try to come back in some capacity to you when their relationship has run it's course, as most relationships usually do. It's up to you then as to whether you want them back as friends or whatever. For now, you are probably better off without either of them. Go to the beach and have fun.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Out of the woodwork Posted: 9/29/2008 9:35:28 AM
Virlia, I've seen your picture and I totally get it. First of all, what on earth did the girls look like that they cheated on you with? What's wrong with the "fish-and-chips" crowd over there? 20/20 hindsight, buyer's remorse, thinking with the bigger head, all reasons to come back to you. Bask in it and find yourself a good man. Were I single, a little younger and a few thousand miles closer...

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Odd dating requests... Posted: 9/29/2008 8:08:51 AM
I think this girl is some kind of OCD hoarder and has a dresser full of men's underwear. That is a girlfriend-type request, very odd for a first date. If I REALLY liked her I might've given her mine, but some of those run $5 per pair, I would really have to like her. Best to keep a cheap pair of Fruit-of-the-Looms onhand for future requests, complete with itching powder for the girl you really don't want to see again.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Is it possible to ahve a relationship like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward in todays time? Posted: 9/29/2008 7:26:48 AM
Absolutely, my parents had that same kind of relationship until my dad died just shy of their 25th anniversary. It takes two people who both want it, are totally committed and will not stray no matter what temptation comes their way. Today there is so much more access to temptation, so much of the world is at our fingertips but come on, Paul Newman must've had beautiful women throwing themselves at him on a daily basis, he worked with stunning actresses, was rich, famous and looked like Matthew McConaughey in his day. If he could stay faithful anybody could, they just have to want that kind of relationship bad enough. Newman was one of very few celebrities that I truly admired and wanted to meet. He seemed to be the real deal.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 116 (view)

Does the shrink ever help? Posted: 9/24/2008 12:43:00 PM
That was funny whyt, I have very limited experience with counselors/therapists/shrinks/psychologists/psychiatrists. I don't know who I saw in 1979 after my dad died but my mom had me see some guy at my school. I was 12, my dad had died suddenly and the whole family was upended. I guess because I was at a crucial age, just on the edge of teendom, my mom thought I needed a psychiatrist more than my 5 brothers and sisters. I was always a private kid too, didn't talk much to my mom or family about what I was thinking or going through. At any rate, saw that guy a few times and it was worthless. I was feeling insulted anyway, like my mom thought something was wrong with me, that she thought I was crazy, so my attitude going in was not good. And if I don't talk to people I know, why would I open up to this strange, chunky, balding man who didn't know me from Adam's housecat? It was a waste of everyone's time and someone's money. I think there are uses for shrinks, there are probably good ones who know their stuff and care. There are people who can benefit from seeing them I'm sure. Beyond that? Eh, to each their own. I don't know anybody personally who swears by a shrink's help. I do know people who have seen the same therapist for years, they say it does them good but it seems to me they are using the shrink as a way to vent, a crutch, and may need that therapist for the rest of their life. Helps with the shrink's house payment I guess. Maybe if someone believes it helps, that's all that matters.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Getting Over Girlfriends Past Posted: 9/24/2008 10:44:04 AM
Simmons, I am with you on this one. Maybe it is just wrong but I really have avoided girls my friends had been with, just never wanted my friends having firsthand intimate knowledge of my girlfriend or wife. My ex and I had a discussion one time about her past and mine, I always regretted it. Didn't break us up but it made clear to me that her view of sex was much more casual than mine. One or two casual flings maybe, but a long list? She sounds like a 7/11. One guy she had sex with just because he played football for UW Madison. Absolutely no chance of a relationship, she just got bragging rights that she had sex with him. And there were others that were just as meaningful. She made it clear that given the chance she would have done a Lewinsky on the president, whether she were married or not. Nice. Of course she ended the relationship by cheating with another married guy. Maybe your girl has changed her ways, maybe she never cheated on anyone, guess that's for you to figure out, but first figure out if you can truly get over her past. I'm pretty sure I couldn't and trust would always be an issue, if that's a character flaw than so be it. I never had sex with a girl I didn't really like, passed up a few opportunities with girls who were ready and willing but I knew I didn't like them and that it would be just flat-out sex. Doesn't make me a saint but I do have standards. And saying she was under the influence is weak, I've never done anything I didn't want to do under the influence and if that's the case, than don't go under the influence. After the first couple times a person should be able to figure that out. Good luck 2.0.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 354 (view)

Who likes coffee for a frist date?? Posted: 9/24/2008 3:20:01 AM
What I suggest, and like, is a nice big mall for a first date. You can walk around as long as you like, or sit down for a cup of coffee. There is plenty of stuff and people to look at and talk about, if you want to sit down and get something to eat there is plenty to choose from. And if the date lasts long enough, the one I like in Tampa has a few places that serve drinks and one has a dance floor. On the other hand, if there is no interest on one or both people's part, it's easy to walk different directions and get lost. There are plenty of people around so the woman feels safe and with all the window shopping you can kind of get an idea what the other person likes if you see them again and want to buy them a little something. Works for me.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 101 (view)

Is Text Messaging Making It Even Harder? Posted: 9/24/2008 3:00:50 AM
I love texting. It is a great way to let my girlfriend know throughout the day that I am thinking about her and she does the same, we actually talk every night when she's on break from work. When I have a question for my ex about something for our boys it allows me to ask without having to talk to her and allows her to answer back at her leisure. It was also a great way to find out more about her affair 3 1/2 years ago, and his phone #. It's also a good way to let my friends and family back home know that I'm thinking about them, I send random texts every few days or weeks and they do the same, keep them on my phone to read every now and then and it makes me smile. That being said, someone who texts too much can be annoying and having an argument via texting is the most aggravating experience I've ever had. And any long messages take too long to type out and with my phone sometimes the memory is full but doesn't tell me that until I type out a maximum length message and I lose what I typed. Blood pressure goes up and I curse Motorola and the technology they rode in on.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Another heart in desperate need of repair Posted: 9/23/2008 1:07:25 PM
You chould chat with Folkcarver, he wrote a thread and was in the same situation as you, was best friends and still in love with his ex girlfriend for two years then BAM, she found another guy finally and he lost her as a friend too. I rarely stay close friends with a girl I loved and staying close friends with a girl you still love is just asking to get hurt. Eventually she is going to find someone else and very rarely will the new guy want her old boyfriend hanging around in any capacity.Nor is it likely that she would want the old boyfriend who is still in love with her around, chancing that he might muck up her new relationship. It is a shame that you did not move on two years ago, you might be ready for a good relationship with a woman more fitting for you, hindsight is 20/20, right? You are a tenacious character, hanging around 2 years hoping she comes around to having relations again, with determination like that you should be able to find another girl when you are ready. Good luck Jimbo, I feel for you.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

ladies choice Posted: 9/23/2008 5:14:46 AM
You have to be kidding, 49, 63 or 75 favorites? Most of the women on here with a decent picture are well over 100 on favorites, one was on over 800. She is older than me, attractive, articulate, humorous and a frequent forum poster, so I can see why she is on so many. But, as others have pointed out, favorites lists mean very little. Some girls on over 100 or 200 have good pictures, hardly any text, so I guess guys just want to have their pictures easily accessible; don't ask why. As for what your friend said about a guy needing to stand head and shoulders above the others to get noticed, maybe, but that's not hard. A few decent pictures and some thought invested into the text, with humor included, is enough to seperate a guy from the rest. Why is there such a discrepancy between men and women on here? Alot of desperate men who are making alot of women become disillusioned and resigned to single life. And their desperation is like huge chunks of fat in the dating artery, clogging it up with their spammy come-ons, preventing good non-fatty honest communication from getting through. If a girl gets 50 emails in one day, and only one of them is from a decent quality guy looking for something real, there's a very good chance he's going to get flushed with the crapola.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 78 (view)

Has anyone here gone on 100 online dates? Posted: 9/22/2008 11:12:38 AM
I'd say an attractive women in a well-populated area could easily hit 100 first dates in a year or so. I had 12 or so in my first four months here before meeting my girlfriend and saw a couple others exclusively for 3 to 7 weeks in there too. If dating were a person's goal it would be pretty easy to reach 100 within 2 years. It's just too expensive and I personally love being in a good relationship. Dating is fun though. And some that I met I knew were not going to be more than friends before we met, I just wanted to meet them because they were decent women. And bad dates? Classic, provide the best conversation for future good dates. I would try to go on 100 first dates just for the material.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

Yeah, that sense of humour thing is nice but..... Posted: 9/22/2008 10:26:21 AM
Not sure I'd want to see a stooge get laid, even before Larry and Moe died 33 years ago. I can pretty much guarantee they got laid plenty in their day. Chris Farley and John Belushi? Oh yeah, girls a-plenty. And short, fat, bald jewish dudes? Like Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy? You could argue that women are or were with those guys not because of their senses of humor but because they were wealthy as a result of their humor, true, but most genuinely funny guys I know who aren't smelly or repulsive in some other way seem to have no problem getting dates. I'd say a good sense of humor can make a guy stand out and possibly put him above a better looking guy who is a boring stiff. From a guy's standpoint, I was with a girl for four months in 1996 who had no perceivable sense of humor, she never made me laugh once, not a single chuckle, guffaw or snort. It was excruciating. She laughed but was reserved about it and seemed to fear drawing attention to herself. A true wallflower. A good sense of humor would seem to be a pretty important personality trait to most people when in a long term relationship. Four months was my limit without one, everything else about her was great, but I need to laugh with my partner. And there is a huge difference between a good sense of humor and bad, some people don't know that and wonder why theirs turns people away. Too raunchy, too insulting, too sarcastic, too much.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Should have never remained friends...have now lost that too. Posted: 9/19/2008 9:51:13 PM
Hey folkcarver, one of your homeboys here, from just outside of Cedar Rapids. You have my sympathy, I know what smalltown Iowa living is like, and you are heading into the worst time of year for this to happen. Hopefully you will have your kids around for the holidays, after the holidays, when the lights and decorations come down and it's 0 degrees outside, ugh. There is the biggest reason for me being in Florida. And you are right, the dating pool around Walnut isn't even deep enough to get wet in. Take care of yourself, concentrate on the kids and hobbies, get a couple Dr Phil books if you must but stay occupied through the winter and come out better in the spring. Once your son graduates maybe you can move to a bigger town/city and have a better time, start off fresh, meet someone (or more) new and make memories for the next stage of your life. I generally don't stay in contact with ex girlfriends because of these situations. New boyfriends and girlfriends can be jealous, sometimes rightly so, and if the ex has to choose between her new guy or causing a rift in her new relationship by being my friend, chances are she will choose the new guy. Does you no good now, and being in a small town you are bound to run into exes anyway, it's rough. Sounds like you never really fell out of love with her either, so even though you didn't have sex these past two years she was more than a best friend to you. Take care of yourself man.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

If you came home and found your partner in bed with another... Posted: 9/19/2008 5:14:48 PM
I often wonder about this because my ex wife did cheat for 1 1/2 years & I only found out when she told me about it. This guy, also married and with two kids, would come over to my house on Thursday nights, because my ex mother-in-law would take our sons overnight and I worked my second job all night, till 6AM or so Friday. If I had not felt good and went straight home after my first job I would've walked right in on them. I trusted her though, had no suspicions and my damn work ethic would not allow me to skip the second job. What would I have done if I had walked in on them? I really don't know, it would've taken me by such surprise he may have been able to run out and leave before I could've reacted. I've seen pictures of the guy and he wasn't much physically. I would not have left quietly but not sure I would've lost it. Just don't know until it happens. The guy deserved a good beating though, it's a shame he never got it. Forgive the cheater? Definitely, I did after 2 years. Stay with a cheater? No flippin way, no trust, no relationship. I had very bad taste in women back then. I'm much better now.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 141 (view)

Real Dolls - Documentary and thoughts Posted: 9/18/2008 4:10:16 PM
Well, not much surprises me anymore, that did a little but you know stuff like this goes on. It is sad, a little disturbing, but these guys aren't hurting anyone else so why not? They have a point, the dolls are providing them with companionship that they are not going to get because they are apparently totally inept at dealing with women. I'd say the worst part is that once they choose to get a doll and start this lifestyle, they are more or less dooming themselves to that way of life. The initial cost is pretty high, there's this doll lying around that not alot of women are going to like if they start dating the guy. Once the guy becomes accustomed to doll-sex it might be hard to get with a real women that actually has to be willing and wants to be satisfied, not to mention someone who wants to go out and do stuff. The doll seems to kind of enable the guy to further alienate himself from society and mute his already dismal social skills. Not only will they have a hard time dating but now with these dolls they are used to a porn star body and probably won't even like a normal, average female body with imperfections and effects of aging. These guys are destined to be rubber pumpers for life. The dolls are impressive though.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

My boyfriend is addicted to strip clubs Posted: 9/16/2008 8:38:51 PM
I can see from your profile that you are still looking for 1 good man and a long term relationship so maybe this boyfriend isn't much of a boyfriend anyway? At any rate, scoff if you will but I do not frequent strip clubs and the few times I have gone were because one of my friends wanted to go, I never initiated going. I do think it is fun with the right group of guys, we would bring drinks in and have alot of laughs. Other than that, it's a waste of money. The place we usually went (in Iowa) cost $10 to get in, $20 for a lap dance (I have never had one, paid for one for my best friend's brother's birthday) and untold $1's thrown on the stage and put in g-strings. I don't even particularly want to touch the girls after seeing some of the greasy regulars touching them, those guys really should take a couple of those $1's and get a bar of Irish Spring and some toothpaste. There is no other reason to go to a strip club except for the girls, drinks (assuming they aren't a juice bar) are not better or cheaper and the place is geared to get the guy's money out of his pocket and to the girls, it's not Cheers for crying out loud. I've been in Florida for six months now and have yet to step into a strip club, even though they are more common down here than Taco Bells and McDonalds combined. It's just too easy to meet real women who could earn a living as a stripper but chose not to. Find a real man who appreciates what he has at home.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

opinions needed please Posted: 9/16/2008 11:50:25 AM
I'm not sure if this is worth responding to because you have essentially said that neither of you will move closer to the other so it would seem there will be no relationship coming of this. That being said, I'm sure you've heard the overused statement "Don't make someone your priority when they make you their option", that would seem to fit here. Gas costs alot more now but back in 1988-89 I dated my ex when I was stationed in San Diego and she lived up by San Francisco. I drove 950 miles round trip every other weekend for 6 months to see her, in a car that was older than me and had no working gauges. Dating from a distance is possible but sounds like she is too busy to even do that, once this "store" she is managing opens up, chances are she will be even busier, I do admire her work ethic. I knew there was an end to it, that my girl would move if things were going well, you don't have that. And gas costs three times as much now. I am sure you can find someone within an easy 4 hour drive if you put your mind to it. If you decide to pursue this I wish you luck, but it would seem you are only in for heartache in the end.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Too anxious?? Posted: 9/15/2008 9:50:13 AM
I can't speak for this guy EbonyQ but were it me, I definitely would've followed through. If the guy is as good looking as you say, and he is obviously not shy, he may just have a full plate and set you aside, which you do not need. I seriously doubt he is a stalker or a pervert, just a guy with game. A stalker or pervert, I would tend to think, would've called you for sure. You have it going on, no need to worry about that. Have a great week.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Saying things you don't mean Posted: 9/13/2008 7:03:23 AM
Carolann is right, that is elementary school/middle school behavior. I haven't done anything like that as an adult and honestly can't say I did that as a teen either. I won't say hurtful things in an argument and I also won't break things or punch holes in the wall for the same reason: it causes useless damage that I will have to pay for later, totally unproductive. My ex said some very hurtful things when we argued and I lost respect for her, it definitely undermined our already hurting relationship. It exposed some serious flaws in her character and made me trust her even less, which we did not need. As soon as someone starts with the low blows, it's Titanic time as far as I'm concerned.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

What is friends first? Posted: 9/13/2008 6:47:23 AM
Friends first is a good idea, in theory, and sometimes works well. However, what can happen is it starts out that way, then one half of the couple feels the chemistry and attraction and is ready to progress beyond friends, but the other half doesn't feel it as much and decides to keep it at the friends level. I think friends first works best if it doesn't go on too long, first date fine, maybe second date, but after that both people should be honest with each other and know if there is enough there to go beyond friends. Doesn't have to be sex, but I always know if I am really interested in a girl, enough to kiss and maybe take a trial just-see-you period, by the third date. That's me, I am an open person and don't like dating in limbo. One of the more crushing things to hear when you are really into a person is "I think we make really good friends" or "I like you as a friend". Ugh, I've heard it and I've said it, doesn't matter, it sucks either way. I will say though that I understand why people, especially women, say friends first. Makes for a good safety net and it lets the sharper guys know that they should not expect sex on the first date. Won't deter the neandrethals though.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

how do you move on? Posted: 9/10/2008 11:12:25 AM
That is one sad story Randrmom, and you have my sympathy. I went through a similar experience when in April 2005 my then wife of 4 years told me she had been seeing another guy for 1 1/2 years AND my 7 1/2 month old son wasn't mine. After trying to stay together for 6 months (she didn't put any effort into it, she gave up back when she started cheating), we seperated and filed. I wasn't able to forgive her for another year after that, around Christmas of 2006. Then I started off the new year 2007 fresh and began dating. I noticed you are searching for a long term relationship, please don't do that. I don't care that you are not divorced yet, you are obviously hurting so bad still, I feel you are not even close to being ready to start a serious relationship yet. You need friends, people who understand and are supportive. I know it's tough to be alone, especially when your cheating ex has someone (even a skank), but if you wait until you are ready and in the meantime work on yourself, you will be much better off. Sounds like your ex is screwed for awhile, maybe the rest of his life with his breeding habits, you can come out of this much better. If you prepare yourself well and are ready when a good, faithful and responsible man comes along, all that your ex put you through will be just an unpleasant memory, and he will be the one who hurts when he sees you in a loving relationship. It can happen, trust me. Forgiveness is tough, and to me does not take religious beliefs to do. It took me 1 1/2 years, maybe a little longer, to forgive her. I will never forget and don't want to, and forgiving her did not mean that I wanted to be with her, because I don't. It's a little hard for me to describe, but it gave me some inner peace. The hurtful thoughts were gone, I was able to talk to her without the cynicism and sarcasm running rampant, made me more pleasant to be around, I slept better, freed up my mind for more productive thoughts. It also enabled me to accept my youngest boy, for a year I took my older twin boys on my weekends but not him. Even though he was a baby/toddler in that year he missed me greatly and it was heartbreaking for everyone involved. Now he comes with me on my weekends. What your ex did was not a mistake, even one night of cheating is not a mistake, he made some bad choices. Choices that ruined his daughters' chances of having their parents together. That is what upset me most. But for your sake and the girls' sakes you should eventually forgive him and heal yourself. You can't help what he does, how he acts or feels, but you can do wonders for yourself. You are young and can have a bright future, just trudge through this mess he made and concentrate on the future. Good luck

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Do you believe some are better at attracting others online, while some better in real life? Posted: 9/8/2008 7:45:04 PM
Personally, I've always hated breaking the ice in person and anything I would say sounded like a cheesy pick-up line. I also apparently can look standoffish and unapproachable. Ever since I was a kid I loved to write though, so online is the perfect way to break the ice and get to know someone before meeting them. And for whatever reason I really don't get nervous when meeting someone for the first time, so online works great for me. This is how I met my last ex (but I don't blame the internet) and my current girlfriend. Works for me!

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 100 (view)

How would sudden wealth change your dating style. Posted: 9/7/2008 9:22:49 PM
Lateef, you have a very good plan for dating if you became obscenely wealthy. I tend to think that I would do something very similar, and I do not consider it lying at all. Just having a modest car, house and material possessions is not lying. I've been with my current girlfriend for a couple months and she has no idea what I have in the bank (not much), she does not care. I'd like to think that if I became Bill Gates rich (mindboggling) that I would still be with her because she is extremely nice, level-headed and obviously is not a golddigger since she is with me. I don't think I would get a mansion either, a place on the beach that is as hurricane proof as it can be, couple thousand square feet, that's it. A Viper in the garage with factory stereo, nothing fancy. I'd probably get a very modest job, maybe even teach, something that would help people but would have to have a flexible schedule for traveling. I'd even settle for Trump rich at this point.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

What ever happened to courtship? Posted: 9/7/2008 8:58:47 PM
I'm not really interested in walking a girl home from school, at 42, not sure what school I'd be walking her home from. In my life romance and chivalry is alive and well, but there is kissing and fornication so it's not your traditional courtship. What you are talking about may still exist, my grandparents and parents had very nice, Norman Rockwell courtships, one set of grandparents met at a church ice cream social and I can pretty much guarantee he didn't get up her skirt on the first date, don't want to know when he finally did frankly. My teen years were actually pretty sweet and innocent, first girlfriend was a virgin as was I, but the kissing and oral, eh, not quite "The Waltons" show material. I dunno Ulysses, if I get to the third date and there's not some seriously heavy petting, I figure she's giving me the business and make a hasty retreat to the malt shop, see what Lumpy and Eddie are doing. Go make some railroad pennies or something.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 84 (view)

Is God a Good Dating Coach??? Posted: 9/7/2008 10:31:15 AM
I believe in God but not in using him as a crutch or a scapegoat. My first ex had a friend who would leave everything up to God, bills, jobs, boyfriends, whatever, never worried about anything. She went bankrupt and last I heard was in a disaster of a marriage. I do believe that the Lord helps those who helps themselves, not sure where that is from but I believe it. If something is entirely out of my hands, a sick loved one, natural disasters, someone is hurting and in need of comfort I can't give, I pray for them and leave it up to God. For things in my personal or professional life, I still pray but do what I can to cinch the deals or improve my odds. I seriously think God has better things to do than worry about my love life.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Met someone you connect with only to find out...... Posted: 9/6/2008 1:40:30 AM
Bad, bad, bad. Nothing good could come of this. My girlfriend has a friend who is getting played by a married guy. He's "getting seperated" from his wife, has been for three months, but still goes home to her and she calls when he is at the girl's apartment. From what I can see he comes over to eat and have sex. She is falling for him, has fallen for him, and he just keeps sleeping with two women. Has recently asked his "girlfriend" for three more months to get seperated from his wife. I had no idea it took that long to pack a couple gym bags and walk out a door. Dating someone who is still with their spouse is just asking for pain.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

looks are everything Posted: 9/6/2008 1:20:45 AM
There really can be nothing gained from not putting a picture or 8 up on your profile. Speaking for myself, I assume the worst when there is no picture, and on the occasions that I messaged someone who had no picture and finally got to see a picture, my assumptions were right. If a person will not like the way you look in your best picture, chances are they won't like the way you look in person either. Why go through that experience? Everyone should put a picture up if they really want to meet someone. And saying you aren't photogenic? Met women in real life who said that and guess what? I'm sorry but they looked just like their pictures. There is something they just aren't seeing in their mirrors I guess. Just be real and hope for the best.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 70 (view)

Why do professional athletes always have hot wifes. Posted: 9/6/2008 1:01:25 AM
Questions like this always seem to be based on the assumption that physically beautiful women are empty or ugly inside, soulless and superficial. Some I've met are but others are just as beautiful inside as they are out. I would say it's a minority and some of these pro athletes definitely fall for the money-grubbers who are really not far from being a high-end prostitute and are looking for a comfy ride and see a big pay-off when the end of the relationship comes. One example of an apparently loving and real relationship is Favre, he's been with his wife since high school and they really seem to be in love after 20 years together. She is beautiful but like most on here have pointed out, with everything at your disposal (makeup, fitness gear, top-notch medical care) and no need to have a job, an average looking person can look really good.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

CODES Posted: 9/5/2008 5:22:17 AM
Wow, total honesty on PoF? If that happened the amount of hatemail, complaints, hurt feelings and deleted profiles would increase exponentially. Does anyone REALLY want to hear that they are too fat, fugly, decrepit, old, poor, illiterate or otherwise unsuitable to date? I think these "little white lies" or "codes" as the OP calls them, are very necessary on here and in the real world. Watch the presidential campaign, it's how you make people feel better while totally dissing them. It's the american way.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Dating 4 months after you have been seperated Posted: 9/4/2008 6:23:43 AM
Well, I've lived in a glass house before and won't throw any stones. I've been married and divorced twice, first marriage 7 years and the second 5 years, and there was 4 years between the first divorce and the second marriage so there was no rebound and jumping right into another marriage. I started dating the month after my first wife left and it was for all the wrong reasons. Knew the marriage was over, how disappointed my family was going to be, winter was just arriving and I hated it and would get depressed, I dated just to be with someone. There was no real chance of a long term relationship with any quality. After I got seperated from the second wife I didn't even want to date and drag someone else into the mess, waited until the divorce was final and then a few months after that. It all depends on the person I think. How long was your marriage? Why did the marriage dissolve? Did you have children with your ex? I think these things all have bearings on when a person should start dating and how seriously. As long as you are open with the girl you are dating about how you feel about your ex, how you feel about her and are honest about your marital status, I say let her decide if she wants to take a chance with you, buyer beware. It took me about a year after my second divorce to really be ready to date seriously but that was just me. Have fun.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 80 (view)

When do you tell your date you smoke a little weed? Posted: 9/2/2008 11:00:47 AM
Before you start on the fourth bag of sour cream and onion chips because by then the jig is up anyway. I was around pot most of my teen years, my best friend smoked it and his three older brothers grew and sold it so I passed alot of bowls, bongs and joints while watching HBO and playing Atari. I didn't smoke it myself and they were cool with that. I smoked an occasional cigar and stole a cigarette or two from girls at bars and smoked them just goofing around. I drink socially because it's legal, won't smoke anything illegal, don't like even taking prescription or over the counter drugs unless I absolutely have to. I am a naturally relaxed, even tempered and romantic person, massages generally annoy me because I don't tense up. Just never had a reason to get high. That being said, if I ever get a terminal disease or find myself in alot of pain I will be lighting up every day. I don't have a problem being around people who smoke pot, just don't want it in my house or my car and it always sucked trying to hold a conversation with someone who is stoned, like being the designated driver, kind of not much fun to look at. No sense in telling your date you smoke weed unless you need to do it on the date to mellow you out and make you romantic as you say. Then you may as well tell her because she'll most likely catch a whiff of it on you. If she smokes too, score. Save the long bong for date two.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 374 (view)

Very long hair on a woman is very femine and sexy, but few women have long hair Posted: 9/2/2008 10:29:54 AM
I love long hair on women and would have long hair myself if I had been blessed with good hair genes. My girlfriend has long hair and as much as I hate to say this I would not blame her if she got it cut. Down here it is pretty much in the 90s every day this time of year and she has thick, heavy hair. I can't believe how hot her hair gets, you could almost cook an egg on the back of her neck. And the wind blows it into her mouth or it sticks to her face from sweat. So I have alot of appreciation for women who grow their hair long and keep it that way for years. It can be a pain and alot of work. I tell her often how much I like it, just so she knows.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Shallowness Posted: 9/2/2008 7:08:53 AM
Some things are mislabeled as shallow when they are actually values and standards. There is a difference. If a girl wants a guy who is taller than her, that's pretty understandable, tends to be the way the dating world works. If someone is in good shape and wants someone who is also in shape, makes sense. They would like to be with someone who can keep up, is active and will participate in sports, activities with them. Wanting someone who cares about their personal hygiene and simple stuff like combing their hair when they go out, putting on some cologne or perfume so they smell good for their partner, pretty much a no-brainer, it's attractive. For me, I've always tended to gravitate towards women who are similar to me physically, not a twig, in decent shape, have a good build, intelligence and good wit, even tempered, etc...Been called shallow by a couple of women who did not like the fact that I expected my partner to exercise regularly or they did not get my sense of humor and took offense somehow, not a big deal, a couple women being upset with me I can handle. Anyone expecting personal appearance to not matter in the dating world is being very unrealistic, everything matters to some degree. And I have gone out with two girls in my life who were fine physical specimens, very pretty, very attractive bodies, but one had no sense of humor, the other was not very intelligent and I was not interested in them at all. They both seemed to like me but because they were lacking one of the non-physical charateristics that I value I could not get with them. Can't guess how many outwardly beautiful women I've met who had terrible personalities too, but I'm sure they weren't attracted to me either so everybody won in those situations. Gold diggers and high maintenance women want nothing to do with me.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

A few questions posed to you about long distance relationships Posted: 8/29/2008 6:03:34 PM
Yes, the communication, flirting and whatnot are necessary, even moreso in long distance relationships to keep the sparks alive, how long people can maintain it is up to the people. I have done long distance for a few months, but without a light at the end of the tunnel, not for me. I need to be with my girl physically, and not just sex, but holding hands, kissing and all that. Go to movies and eat dinner together. I hate distance for more than a few days at a time. There is no replacing looking a person in the eyes face-to-face, webcamming it isn't even close. I've heard people keeping up a long distance relationship for a year and more, my parents did it for 3 years before meeting and got engaged on the first date, stayed engaged for 1 1/2 years and were happily married 24 1/2 years with seven kids before dad died. But they were exceptional people and that was the early 1950s. Alot more temptation and access to more people these days, whole different world.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 75 (view)

so many men just don't know how to do it! Posted: 8/29/2008 11:28:49 AM
Okay, goodquestion, I have to call you on this one. Just because a guy cums does not mean he orgasms? Are you serious and do you have a reference book for me to look to? I have orgasmed every time I came, I am sure, otherwise what was all that shaking and lightheadedness? I'm not saying you're full of sh1t but it sounds a little like "I got drunk but didn't drink anything." Women vary so much on orgasms, my first ex, maybe once every three times we were together, the girlfriend after her never had an orgasm at age 29, in the four months I was with her I managed to give her one and believe me, I worked for that boy scout badge. There has been a few, I'd say three, that I could count on them having multiple orgasms every time, some that would only once. I work very hard to make my girl happy, her climaxing is just as important to me as having one myself. Some are easier than others to please, some more inhibited (like my first ex), I do my best and never hang my head in shame, neither of them.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

She sends this text before we meet up.... Posted: 8/29/2008 10:35:16 AM
Now how cornfed could that redneck be? If you were in Iowa I'd say yes, and to leave what was most likely one of my cousins out of this. Anyway, what's your beef fly? Weren't any of her friends worth a passing glance? That may have fixed her wagon if you'd left with one of them. She would've had to hear about the sweet roll you gave her friend and all she had was a tail of smothering horror from the bar's backroom. But you blew it, if you'd kept your cool and hung around it could've been you laying pipe on the pinball machine but cornfed Festus got the prize pig. Hang on there chum, you'll get another chance at happy hour, just bring some pork rinds for the redneck and a flask for lushy.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 141 (view)

This site did nothing for me Posted: 8/29/2008 10:22:21 AM
Karl, you're a chameleon and a snake. From message 75 to 140 you did go from Shallow Hal to Dr Phil. I still believe in honesty and good humor (not the ice cream) as being the best way to get results on PoF. But I admire you're confession in #75 that you turned into a used Karl salesman and hid all the defects to make a sale. Women will get what they fall for, if deep down the guy is good and they can reach that then I guess it's all good. And if sexygrama isn't sexy, then I guess I have never seen a sexy grandma. Brain better check his own profile for sentence structure and spelling. I think it's time to finally turn that brain on and buy some larger underwear, the ones he's wearing are obviously riding up and making him a tad grumpy. You go grams.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Would you want to know? What do you think about this? Posted: 8/29/2008 9:35:36 AM
Hmmm, yes and no. My girlfriend asks me about some details about my ex girlfriends and sometimes gets upset when I tell her what she wanted to know. She gets jealous and is somewhat possessive. For some reason she gets especially jealous of the last girl I dated before her. Part of the reason is because she was only a couple of weeks before so it is very recent and another is because the ex girl is puerto rican. My girlfriend is peruvian. I have been finding out that 1) latinas are very proud of the country they are from and 2) they do not like their boyfriend's ex girlfriends and even moreso when they are latina. I'm sure there are exceptions but this has held very true to ones I have dated. So when she asks questions I weigh my answers carefully and sometimes just tell her "I will not talk about it because I know you'll get upset." Surprisingly this seems to be acceptable to her. It's a learning experience for an Iowa boy born and raised in white bread central.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Was it me? Posted: 8/29/2008 12:46:31 AM
Personally I think it was a challenge and he was curious to get close to you in the beginning and once he did his curiosity was sated and he moved on. Stick a fork in this guy, he's done.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

The 'go to' piece of clothing Posted: 8/29/2008 12:37:13 AM
Cynderella, ah, um, wow. Let me know in advance when you go out, I'll be your paparazzi.

virgilskid

Joined: 10/29/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Would you ever have sex with a person who has a name of one of your siblings? Posted: 8/29/2008 12:20:09 AM
My sisters have older, biblical names not used much today so I never started a relationship with a girl having one of those names, not an issue. One girl a few months ago had the same name as my mom, which is a fairly unusual name and yes, that felt very strange to say her name during sex. It was very fruedian and almost made me laugh when I said it, which is not what a girl wants to hear. Just struck me as something out of an "American Pie" movie or something. Thinking about sex and my mom is just not something I like to do, almost had myself convinced that she is the only virgin in history to have seven kids.

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