online dating service
REGISTER | MAIL/PROFILE | HELP | NOW ONLINE | SEARCH | RATING | FORUMS | SUCCESS STORIES

 

     
Posted In Forum:
Home   login   MyForums  
Show ALL Forums  
 
 Author Thread: PLEASE HELP!!!!
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
PLEASE HELP!!!!
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:23:16 PM

Bigdaddyjinx,,,,,,,,,,,,,ya,,men got lots of exuses for cheating.

Wow...they don't have readin' books out in the land of Newf?

It's called comprehension Swell...look into it.

The OP stated rather directly that they WERE NO LONGER A COUPLE. You CANNOT cheat on someone you're NOT WITH.

Read a book...if you can.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
PLEASE HELP!!!!
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:31:24 PM
OP -- Holy F*CK.

Wow man, I've seen some heavy power trippers in my day but YOU have just managed to immediately make yourself one of the top 3.

Post 2 and 3 summed it up for you rather nicely.

You need f*ckin' help. BIG TIME.

Who gives YOU the right to dictate where he goes and what he does? Are you his parole officer? If you were my woman and had a fit when I went to the bar WITH MY FRIENDS, I'd just laugh right in your face and tell you not to expect me back...like, ever.

And your juvenile and infantile hissy fits and silent treatment are ploys one would expect from the juveniles of this world...not a 44 year old woman. Your ridiculousness is only compounded by the words you barfed out here in your post.

You treated him like a possession and pitched a fit when he didn't bow down before you...you treated him like a friggin dog...so of course he'd seek solace with someone familiar. It's the oldest story in the book. And then you act like forgiveness is something YOU have the power to offer...get f*cking over yourself already. He has done nothing to warrant anything to be forgiven for. If anything, the forgiveness is HIS and his alone to give to YOU.

I hope he grows a spine and a brain overnight and realizes what a control freak you are and decides that it'd be better to be with someone he hates, than someone who he'd grow to hate MORE over time.

Your attitude makes me wanna projectile vomit all over the crowd.

You failed at life.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
A Matter of Trust
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:18:06 PM
OP -- Answer me this...

If this incident happened 2 years ago, and she is your ex...how is it that she only "recently" made you aware of this debacle and how she felt about it?

If she was your ex, why does it matter what happened 2 years ago? Why does it matter that she feels you can't be trusted to tell the truth? Is there any point to your post at ALL?

She - is - your - ex.

This thread is pointless.

(wow...must be Sunday)
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
sticking to your own 'kind'
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:14:22 PM

Has it liberated and enabled people to date outside their culture by connecting people all over the world?

OP -- The MIND and CHOICE are the only tools one ever needs or needed to liberate and enable themselves to date outside their culture. Personally, I don't understand how an adult would come to a conclusion that connecting to people "all over the world" would accomplish this same liberation and/or enabling? Are you for real? What does that have to do with anything? Are you suggesting that the planet has become segregated and whites lives on one continent, blacks on another, Hispanics on another and so on? You never had the chance to take a peek in your own back yard then I take it?

Wow...just wow.

Truly all one needs is the mind, and choice. Make up their own minds about what they want and who they want as opposed to what their ignorant Moms and Dads and Grammas and Grampas have to say about it. Freedom to choose who they want to spend time with as opposed to society and stigma dictating their choices for them by suggesting this is right and that is not.

Being online and able to communicate to people all over the world has jack shit to do with it. People have been in mixed relationships since WAY before the interwebs came to be...

As for the grand scheme of things itself...interracial dating...like with anything else, it's someone's cup of tea and others wouldn't bother.

But the interwebs have nothing to do with it.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Communicating every day
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:58:35 PM

In the beginnings of a new relationship... For you personally, how often is the minimum to talking, whether it be through the phone, text, or e-mail? If consistent daily contact doesn't exist, what do you usually think? I want honest answers!

OP -- My answer is precisely 104 hours. LOL.

There's 1440 hours to go around in a 2 month (60 day) stretch. I consider this the "new" or honeymoon phase of any relationship. In that time, I estimated roughly 4 hours per week to communicate plus an average 8 hours for "date night" which would happen a minimum of weekly.

So 104 hours is how much time one could expect me to invest into the "newness" of the relationship.

Any more is pretty much suffocation.

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Married woman becoming pregnant as the result of rape - does husband stay or leave
Posted: 11/21/2009 4:03:54 PM

... and sadly, some women will claim rape when in reality they have been unfaithful and are trying to hide the truth.

Surely you jest...I mean, c'mon now...implying that women LIE about affairs? Implying women cheat at all?! That's borderline heresy.

We all know women never lie, and never cheat...

 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Can a relationship really last if diff sex drives?
Posted: 11/21/2009 4:00:27 PM
OP -- Holy fek!

You LIVE together...in just 3 months?!

Wow girl...you failed before you even began.

This thread FAILS
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 597 (view)
 
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/21/2009 3:08:35 PM

LOL!, I'm personally a sucker for men who exude those qualities that make me want to call them "Master"...LOL! but King works too!

Well Boo Boo...if you're one that kneels before the King, you KNOW what he's gonna holler...



Verity -- "Awesome" works. We'll go with that.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 592 (view)
 
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/21/2009 2:54:04 PM

And that was what prompted my question.

Despite his being an "Alpha", AND having enormous wealth and power, what would that make a man that is more desirable than such a wealthy and powerful Alpha?

What label do we give to that man?

I'd say Uber-Alpha.

But I prefer the title of King personally
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Married woman becoming pregnant as the result of rape - does husband stay or leave
Posted: 11/21/2009 2:33:50 PM

And all you men who think it's somehow reasonable to hold a brand-new life, innocent of any wrongdoing, responsible for the circumstances of his/her origin, oughta be ashamed of yourselves. That is just pathetically weak.

I'm ashamed of nothing. The only thing "pathetically weak" is the sanctimonious, "holier than thou" garbage you just spouted. You know where you can stick that statement too...

Hint, it's just several inches south of the small of your back...

Men aren't holding the child "responsible" for anything. They are, though, holding the soon-to-be MOTHER responsible for exacerbating her own victimization by allowing the **stard byproduct to be born. Thus practically guaranteeing perpetual, never ending victimization and trauma and drama for the rest of her days.

Like someone mentioned earlier...makes one wonder just how much "rape" was really involved at that point.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 584 (view)
 
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/21/2009 2:21:45 PM

Well, Belle Lass, Boudacia Smile, daisypetals, daisypetals 01, diasypetals001, or whatever...

Yea, talk about identity crisis eh? I guess this is what people do after they've been booted repeatedly...


I do claim to be more desirable (sexually, and for the purposes of a relationship) than Hugh (Alpha)Hefner, to the vast majority of women.

Hef has all the traits found commonly in the Alpha type. I'm firmly convinced though, that his prestige and power (not to mention wealth) and affluence in general is what drives his "cool points" up a few notches over the rest. However, strip him of his affluence and power and prestige and he'd still be very Alpha, but let's face it...in a pit of other Alphas he'd be a castoff compared to much younger counterparts.

Without his "extras", Hef would be a very lonely Alpha indeed.

He'd be out prowling trailer parks or retirement homes...
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Depressed Women from Quebec and Facebook
Posted: 11/21/2009 2:09:02 PM
I read the story and can't say I'm surprised. Not surprised at the candor of the "victim", nor the response from the insurance company.

I read further through roughly 15 pages of responses to that article, and the most talked about thing was "How did they access supposedly private pictures??" Well, I dunno about anyone else, but it took me just one quick Google image search by name to bring up her photos. And from her Facebook account no less. Oddly enough, yes she has restrictions placed on her account...but anyone that knows Google would understand that in order to index, privacy means nothing to their search spiders. I did one on my name, and not coincidentally of the first row of 5 pics...3 of them were from Facebook.

If one does happen to have a private picture, they have to follow a defined process to get the pic removed from the Google index and then never spidered again. So really, it ain't all that hard to track someone down as long as you know the name and what they look like. Google can be your friend or your enemy.

But enough education...

Now it had been suggested that her Doc informed her to do "fun things" to try and combat her affliction, which I can attest to. My Doc gave me similar instructions. So I get that part. I even kinda understand the Chippendale's, nights out, and even the trip to a sunny locale. Sounds like "fun things" in the context, agreed? However...it was her candor that has me skeptical at best that she ever had an affliction to begin with. Being depressed and doing "fun things" to try and fight it is one thing...posting pics of such seems a little cavalier, and smacks of "Look at me!! Woo!!".

Had she taken the trip and left it at that, no harm no foul. Being so bold as to post them on her Facebook, whereby all her friends can see the pics and be all jealous and envious in the "Look at me!! Woo!!" sorta way...wow man, that just smacks of "faker".

Especially after more than a year of "illness".

I have a feeling that this is hardly the last we'll hear of this story too. I'm curious to see how this all unfolds. They'll either expose her as a fraud and expect to be compensated for her activity, or this may have the potential to set a precedent for those that follow. Making it even harder to get insurance at a reasonable cost.

I'm not hardly an advocate of insurance companies because I see them pretty much all as the enemy and just out for their own ends - but in situations like this, I have to wonder just how "ill" she really was afterall to have been so brash?

I wonder how this will pan out?
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Oprah show ending - Arrogant to the end.
Posted: 11/21/2009 1:29:58 PM
The conspiracy theorist in me believes that the timing is critical for this, and she had this planned for years now.

Leaves the show after the contract expires.

Runs for President in the next election which *should* be the following year (barring scandals that see your Prez impeached earlier).

Wins the election is a friggin landslide just based on popularity...and to "Keep America In The Black" (or some other ridiculous yet catchy slogan regarding some manner of economic upturn by that time and inside joke to the first black Prez).

First Obama broke the mold...now Oprah will continue the chain AND reinvent it by now not only being black, but FEMALE.

You watch. You heard it here first.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
College- A Dream Deferred.. Once Again, Penalizing the Poor
Posted: 11/21/2009 1:20:26 PM

What hasn't gone up steadily for the last four years?

People work at the colleges and need more money to make ends meet.

The schools use electricity, fuel and all other utilities...which have gone up.

They have to pay for healthcare for the the employees.

If I had to point a finger...I'd be pointing it at oil companies and healthcare.

Rev said it all right there...'cept for the healthcare bit (I'm Canadian and we don't play that game up here).

Things cost money. Utilities cost money. Even in the recession, things will STILL cost money. Everything has gone up up up in the past 5 years, and at times exponentially. This includes cost of living. This also, however, includes salaries.

So all these poor hard done by students who wanna try and get their fancy degrees to get the big ass salaries still expect to pay a low cost to get the education to do it? Nice try. You're choosing a vocation or field of expertise, and very VERY likely a high ceiling salary one too. But yet they whine and piss and moan because the reality of inflated salaries, high inflation, higher cost of living, and greedy oil companies makes that difficult?

Wah.

All this whining and b!tching is just another clear example of wanting the brass ring for the cost of a copper penny. Want it all and expect to pay little (or nothing).

Don't like the reality of it all? Then quit. Your country went to war for that right to choose...and no one is holding a gun to your head to say "Get a degree so you can be filthy rich someday!"

School costs money. Fact. Live with it, or choose to leave it. Whining about just makes you look stupid.

We call that counterproductive.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Women who don't shave
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:59:49 PM

Pubic hair has a function. It contains/concentrates pheramones/scents. It acts like a cushion during sex. It protects delicate tissues from irritation by clothing. Absorbs and distributes moisture.

Hey now...don't let facts get in the way of a perfectly good fad.

You'll run the risk of disillusioning countless millions out there.

(then they'll be forced to come up with some other useless rhetoric)
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Conflict in the bedroom.
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:56:29 PM

First, Jinx bud... Librarians can be VERY wild! Be careful with them labels...

And for some very odd reason...I'm now imagining you geared out as a librarian...

And I may need some "alone time" now too...
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Married woman becoming pregnant as the result of rape - does husband stay or leave
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:38:34 PM

You wouldn't want to be married to someone who didn't have the capacity to raise the child of the man who raped his wife? This isn't some step-kid he agreed to raise when he married into the family. His wife was raped and is now carrying someone else's child.

+1 My sentiments exactly.

Beyond just the pro-life/pro-choice debate that is fruitless and pointless...we're talking about a byproduct of RAPE here people. Leave religion in the Church and start using your friggin heads for a change!

If my SO (married or just steady relationship) was RAPED and was now pregnant as a result of the attack...there is absolutely, positively NO WAY IN HELL I would choose to stay with her if she decided to keep the child. It's not bad enough that I'd now have to live through the aftermath of the assault itself which will leave her emotionally and likely mentally crippled for some time to come, but now to also help raise a product of RAPE?!

Get real.

Not a f*ckin' chance.

If she elected to keep the kid for WHATEVER "reason"...I'd be done. She'd be on her own to raise the **stard byproduct. She can look to the rapist for child support and assistance raising his seed. I would never, EVER commit myself to supporting her in the decision to keep it. Nope.

She obviously cares not about MY feelings on the matter, so to Hell with her. I hope her trauma and **stard child keep her warm at night as she plods through life alone and miserable. And I would have no problems sleeping at night either for my choice to leave, just FYI.

This ain't raising a step-child. This is raising a **stard offspring of a brutal crime.

BIG DIFFERENCE.

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 572 (view)
 
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:23:49 PM

Food Buyer, 3 hr per week @17.60hr =52.80 per week
Nurse, 1 hr per week @24.63hr =24.63 per week
Teachers Aide/Tutor 2 hr per week @ 8.97hr =17.94 per week
Waitress 2.25 per week @ 7.58hr =17.05 per week
Seamstress .75 hrper week @10.68hr = 8.01 per week
Laundress 3 hr per week @ 8.07hr =24.21 per week
Driver 3.5 hr per week @ 9.71hr =33.99 per week
Gardener 2.25hr per week @12.03hr =26.69 per week
Family Counselor 2 hr per week @17.11hr =34.22 per week
Maintenance Worker 1 hr per week @13.40hr =13.40 per week
Child Care WOrker 40 hr per week @ 8.32hr =332.80 per week
Janitor/Cleaning 7.5 hr per week @ 9.77hr =73.28 per week
Main/Housekeeper 2.5 hr per week @ 8.42hr =21.05 per week
Cook 12 hr per week @ 8.30hr =99.60 per week
Errand runner 3.5 hr per week @ 9.01hr =31.54 per week
Budget Analyst 3.5 hr per week @26.65hr =93.28 per week
Interior Decorator 1 hr per week @21.39hr =21.39 per week
Child Psychologist 5 hr per week @27.79hr =138.95 per week
Household buyer 2 hr per week @10.99hr =21.98 per week
Dishwasher 6.2 hr per week @ 7.45hr =46.19 per week
Dietitian 1.2 hr per week @20.68hr =24.82 per week
Secretary 2.0 hr per week @12.69hr =25.38 per week
Public Relations 1 hr per week @23.19hr =23.19 per week
Animal Caretaker 1.50 per week @ 9.28hr =13.92 per week

Hmm...what dreck.

Yanno, if women wanna play the "I'm still oppressed" card and wanna now declare monetary value to things they should be doing at home while the other is out bringing home the bacon...maybe we just need to focus on the BOLD entry above for a moment...

Seeing as how that list outlines some pretty far reaching entries, really it works out to one goes to work their 40 hours a week and one stays home to care for the kid(s) 40 hours a week. The rest is actually optional, so spare me the drama. If they wanna cry hardship, then maybe the b!tch should get off her ass and back to the workforce where she could (possibly) earn more than $30K/yr.

Using that ridiculous set of stats, a child care worker at $332.80/week...I'd gladly pay my share at $166.40/week to have someone take care of the kids while BOTH of us are in the workforce. Then she can't whine and b!tch and complain about how hard done by she is. Itemizing her "duties" with a monetary value is pointless. Her options are to go back to the workforce and earn a living like I would, and have nothing to b!tch about being so hard done by...or just sit there and shut her gape and accept that she CHOSE to stay at home while I go to work, and lose the friggin list.

Pissed off about all the "work" you do at the home front while he's off at his job? Then go back to the workforce yourself and split the nanny cost. Problem solved.

Housewife = $30K
Having to put up with her incessant whining about "I do (this) and I do (that) ALL DAY!!" without sticking a foot up her ass = PRICELESS

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Would a person who suffered a brain injury be a turn off for you?
Posted: 11/20/2009 5:56:42 PM
OP -- This is one of those rather touchy, "hot potato" topics to be sure.

I had to think about it. REALLY had to think about it. I thought about one of my people...he has a teen son that has a very serious speech impediment (stuttering). In a sense - this bears some similarity to the disorder you mentioned in the sense that patience is required to get a full coherent sentence out...so this is why I mentioned it. I like his kid, and I appreciate that he has this issue. My best friend as a kid had the same problem. It's rough when you're used to back and forth dialog getting interrupted and is delayed by impediments...but I realized after thinking about it, that I do have the patience. I did as a kid with my best friend, and I do as an adult with my buddy's kid.

Now the conditions are radically different in that one can be "fixed" somewhat, where the other not so much...but the context of patience for either remains the same. If this condition means that one would have to wait for the other to form the words and sort them out before getting them to their yaps...then I could say yes, I'd be able to cope with someone like that.

However, I don't think I could form a romantic bond with them. All I'd be able to think about would be "what if?", as in, "What if it happens again...what if it gets worse...what if..." As a friend, I could do it sure. As a romantic interest, I think I'd have no stomach to push forward. That lingering paranoia would consume me. I have to admit that to myself. A stutter for example doesn't really get much worse, or can happen again...but brain trauma is so hit and miss that the odds would just stagger me. Both have impacts and involve the expression ability...but one can possibly get worse and the other not so much.

For me, I'd err on the side of caution and keep them around as friends and not as romantic pursuits.

But that's just me.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Conflict in the bedroom.
Posted: 11/20/2009 1:06:13 PM
OP -- D00d...if the "hard sex" is what you're all about, then quit dating delicate flowers and start looking into BDSM sites and their ilk.

You can't expect a librarian type to break out the Cat O' Nine Tails just because YOU happen to enjoy it. That's how you roll, then date inside your class and quit expecting them to conform to your standards.

That'd be like dating the BDSM crowd and expecting them to be "dainty" when they have sex.

FAIL.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:58:34 PM

I agree with you on this point. BUT this is not really an issue about feminism, its about marketing dollars and getting someone to want to buy their product and there are just as many men making money off of this as women. Lets be realistic here, if I had a buck for everytime I heard a man call another man a **** because he didnt suck it up, I would be a rich woman. If men are really worried about this then they will also have to accept that they are part of the problem not just the feminazi's....

Grizz -- Let's not detract from the original topic too much, k?

This isn't about feminazis. This ain't about the almighty dollar. This is about the perpetualization that sees a hundred self esteem clinics/workshops/etc that are aimed at WOMEN and the one or two aimed at MEN. The stark disparity between the two. Like women's self esteem is so much more valid than that of their male counterpart. Women have support waiting should they want it, but men are told to just "suck it up" and be a "real" man.

OT - We (men) didn't start this mess...nor did women really. Stupid sheep who follow stupid slogans and ads did. Blame them for not having enough brain matter to be the wolves among the sheep. Blame them for accepting that this is "in" and this is not...that this is "acceptable" and that is not. That this is what men/women REALLY want, and that is not. Blame them for having not two IQ points to rub together.

Don't assume men have any more or less role in this mess just because generations of sheep fell for the bait that was offered. They're all gender neutral workers, slaving away for "the man" (see: greedy corporations) to make sure that the sheep spend their money here and not across the street. They just pretty it up with pretenses that they actually care.

They care...about your money. Nothing else. We ALL know that.

But that ain't what the topic is about.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
men and emotional maturity
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:46:46 PM

Kinda makes sense considering I have been told I am hung like a hamster.

HA!! Then I got ya beat! I'm hung like a lightswitch

So na na na na na naaaaaaaa...

Where was I? Oh yea...

OP -- I dunno man, that seems like a pretty far reach. Assuming that men are genetically wired to scamper at the sign of commitment. Seems like a far reach indeed...

I can see their point though. Most married will NOT like their SO hanging with their single buddies because they're "bad influences". Gawd forbid that they actually get to enjoy a night out here and there doing the girly thing, or the guy thing on occasion.

Singles are perceived as having a steady supply of trim/penis too, whereas married are perceived to have been cut off after the honeymoon (or first kid...whichever comes first).

It's all about who you're with that will determine your Fate in that arena.

If you dated for looks, then chances are you'll scamper when the commitment bomb comes up. If you dated for good company, then chances are you're gonna wanna stick around even longer. It's all about the choices we make. Naturally, people can always use the bait and switch and be all fun having, sex having people right up until the rings get exchanged...but those are slim odds indeed. Their track record will generally speak volumes to their long term "worth".

But to assume that the majority of men are hard wired to flee when commitment is raised...preposterous.

Some men look forward to it.

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Is love enough?
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:35:37 PM

Is love enough to make a relationship last for the long run. I love this guy, he's very sweet. but I wonder if it will last for the long haul. We share a few things in common, but I'm not interested in his favorite hobby and he's not interested in mine. Should this be a concern?

OP -- This is the kinda thing people write songs about. In fact, Patti Smythe did back in the day (1992) called "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough"...a duet with Don Henley. You should listen to it.

Anyways...

Like the song implies, sometimes love just AIN'T "enough". In the context of your particular post though, just because the two of you have hobbies that you enjoy that the other doesn't...why are you concerning yourself with such trivialities? Does he beat you? Does he lie to you? Does he steal from you?

No?

Then maybe you should just concern yourself with IMPORTANT things, and not with hobbies that each of you enjoy separately. It amazes me just how often people go out and f*ck up a good thing because of stupid and niggling shit like this. Almost like they are WANTING to find something to end the relationship for. That's just mental illness at its finest. Self sabotage is a sign of illness in case you're wondering.

Sounds more to me like you're a little needy and have this pressing demand to spend ALL your time together. That is unhealthy. The fact that each of you have hobbies you enjoy ALONE is a GOOD thing. It means that, while enjoying that hobby...you also get to enjoy some "me" time. "ME" TIME IS ESSENTIAL FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO SURVIVE.

It can't always be every moment spent together. That's called suffocation/smothering.

So really, you should be GLAD and borderline relieved that this is the case with you and your man. At least it pretty much guarantees "me" time now and then. If I was being pursued by someone who also enjoyed EVERYTHING I did...I'd be guaranteeing myself zero "me" time. That just ain't cool. There has to be just enough difference to ensure some quality "me" time. Saves the hassle of saying no when they ask "Can I come too? I also like (whatever)"

Be glad OP. Enjoy that you have differences that will offer each of you some SPACE and room to breathe now and then.

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:24:23 PM

Men don't matter. They're expendable, and so no one hardly much cares if they have self-esteem issues. They can die sooner, suffer more on-the-job deaths, more violent crime, and more suicide, but it doesn't hardly register on the societal radar screen -- unless maybe it affects some woman and/or her kids.

+1 Couldn't have said it better myself.

Men for the most part are often ignored. if they have "problems", they're reminded to be "real" men and suck it up.

Someone, somewhere along the way, femmed up society to the Nth degree and men are now casualties that slip through the cracks. Well, I guess they always have been casualties, but they dare not reveal themselves as such for the slight on their man card that would render them sissies.

Men have esteem issues as well. It's just that no one cares enough to launch any campaigns to counter the very real problems they face.

After all, "real" men would just suck it up, right?

 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Does this ring true for anyone?
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:18:49 PM

: if potential love comes your way when you're down on your luck economically- why push it away because you can't afford to date lavishly at the moment, if you ultimately truly want it.

AMNF -- This is an interesting question. Really interesting actually. I think it's interesting to me because I get to see it from myself, and from others around me all the time and have never really thought about it until I read it here.

So, with regard to the first part of your query...pride would be my answer for that. We, as people, have an understanding as to just how far our pride will extend, and we carry our own beliefs and such...but when it comes to interpersonal situations where pride shouldn't be a factor, it generally is.

As a "traditional" man, where we are *supposed* to do all the courting and "heavy lifting" as it were...having a lack of financial resources would put that man in the state of "How can I afford a SO?" And I guess that's the saddest part...is wondering how he can "afford" one. But it's true. Any "traditional" man who meets the "traditional" woman knows that he is gonna be on the hook for the lion's share of financial situations. Let's say $10 for every $1 she contributes. This, to me, will always be HIS failing. In some cases, she may be perfectly willing and almost wanting to contribute more, but him being all "traditional" and such will see it as an affront to his masculinity...OR...he's just a sucker that's so desperate for companionship that he'll let her ride his gravy train til he's so deep in debt he can't see straight. He dates the "gold digger" type.

Seriously though, pride seems to be the root cause of the "why". Pride that he wants to be the provider and can't be, and has the impression that he HAS to be, though this may NOT be the case at all. But the man sees what he wants to see. He sees it as having to "afford" a SO. Yes, in a lot of cases that's exactly what it is...but of those few cases where it wouldn't be, he'd never know 'cause he errs on the side of odds and sees ALL as having to be "afforded".

Pride. My hunch is this one poison is why people push away what they ultimately want during financial hardships.


:if a person you liked approaches you on a relationship level but you want to play hard to get for whatever reasons, you're pushing them away. You want to decide when it's right for you.

Now this one is a little trickier.

Some people play the "hard to get" card assuming that this is what the other party wants to see. That somehow, if they just fall for their obvious charms they'll be seen as "easy". So they play hard to get. Or...they are flaky and don't really know what they want, let alone WHO, so they play hard to get because it's a knee-jerk reaction for them. Or they're just control freaks who get off on knowing that they can dangle people by delicate strings like a marionette and puppet master.

But it is true - in a lot of cases, if you continue to play hard to get, you'll render yourself impossible to want. Then you'll have nothing but your mind games to keep you company at night. Men AND women don't seem to grasp that concept. Playing a little hard to get can be fun and exciting...but when it becomes a game that's being played, the other will likely just wanna walk away leaving you to post about it on POF about what a loser they are or whatever because they wouldn't play your silly little game.

Power.

That's what this is about. Power and control. Who has it, and who wants it. And of course...who abuses it.

It's like I've said before, I don't play hard to get...I play hard to want. Yet this doesn't stop people from trying their hands. There are those though, that make a living outta playing hard to get, getting off on seeing him/her practically whimper at their feet for a date...a visit...or "more".

They play the odds. They know that the first few won't play their silly little games, but sooner or later they'll find the one so desperate that WILL play their game, and then the fun begins for them. The rest try to play the game for whatever reasons...don't know when to stop playing it...and in the end, like you said, end up pushing the other away by their actions. Happens more often than not. It's all about control.

We all want it. Some have it. Others abuse it.

The rest just don't know when enough is enough.

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Her Orgasm
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:35:02 AM

Nevertheless, what do you men think? Do you think women are responsible for their own orgasms?

100%.

I have said it before and will say it again - if they can't even talk about sex...then they shouldn't be doing it. With anyone.

I am not a mind reader. I will not play guessing games. I don't like "clues".

I'm an adult. I expect to be treated as such. If you like something I do, then ask me to continue. If you don't like what I'm doing, tell me to stop or at the very least change it up a bit or whatever. If there's something you really like and I haven't even attempted it yet, then say something.

Do not make me guess.

Do not put out "hints".

Do not say shit like "You should just KNOW".

I have ears. You have a mouth. Speak words and my ears will hear them.

It's a pretty simple concept.

The rest...FAIL.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:22:15 AM

Tonight she wanted to meet up just for coffee, so I meet her at the coffee shop, we order our drinks, and I'm thinking because she invited me out that she would offer to pay....but no, she just stood there staring into space. I didn't want to cause a scene there and tell her to pay, but this is just now getting ridiculous.

Yep...it's 2009 OP, not 1950

This is why you should go Dutch right from jump. It's all about equality dontcha know.

Courting is a two way street. So is paying. Unless you looked at the welfare office for this one, she has no excuse not to be chipping in.

Dump her. Don't waste breath on "the talk". It'll just end in drama.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/19/2009 8:27:09 AM

So we don't grow old alone.
Life's stresses, sorrows, and tragedies are easier to deal with, when you have an understanding partner to help share the pain and disappoinments with.
Life's happier moments are more enjoyable and more memorable when you have someone to share them with.
Life's obstacles are easier overcome when you have someone to help you find your way around them.

WOW...who knew that DEPENDENCE could be summed up so neatly?

Ugh

OP -- You're likely to get a waft of differing responses to this age old question, I'm sure. Most will practically rhyme word for word with one another too. So actually, lemme change that to say you'll get several respondents. Look for textual parrots.

This question has been done to death here. There's no general consensus. Most toss around the "It's not NEED it's WANT"...but really, they're WANTING pretty feverishly, so this is just a ruse to gloss over the "NEED". Some people just have no clue how to be on their own. They HAVE to be dependent on someone else or they just can't function. They have to feel "needed" or they just can't function. And everyone they meet is "the one".

It's the same old story each time.

You sound like one of "them" that will always have that on their minds. Pretend to live life, but underneath the facade there's that pressing and almost consuming drive to find "him/her". It's just who you are and who you'll always be. Rather than fight it, just accept that you're needy and can't live life without the presence of a second. Life without it is just meh, and to you that's just unacceptable. People around you have someone, so why can't YOU, right? They're happy, and YOU deserve to be happy too, right?

Don't fight it. Just embrace it. Believe me, there's enough male needies out there too that would match you need for need, so your odds are pretty great. Just sit back and wait for them to contact you so that you don't have to do any of the work yourself. No sense in appearing too needy if you don't have to, right?

In the meantime, the rest of us are gonna go out and enjoy our lives as-is.

Toodles...
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Coincidences or Not?
Posted: 11/19/2009 2:28:30 AM
OP -- I believe that everything happens for a reason. Certain events in our life are just supposed to happen, when they happen. It's what goes on in the meantime that feels like, or appears as coincidence.

Coincidence to me, is what people need to see to help them sleep better at night knowing they are "masters of their own destiny". Heaven forbid if they ever believed that some events in their life were preordained. That would mean they're not in control! Can't have that now can we?

<--- insert eye roll here

Coincidence is for the self involved and narrow minded out there. In my life, I've just seen far too much to ever believe in coincidence. Things were set in motion that were just too perfectly timed...too perfectly delivered...just too perfect to be random. Too perfect to be coincidence.

I believe in Fate, and providence. Destiny. My whole life hasn't been mapped, but there are certain things that will happen to me that will not happen any other way...it's what goes on in between that will either accelerate the event, or delay it...but there's never an escape from it.

Here's something I say to those out there that try to debunk Fate and the like...the ones that like to think they're in total control...Fate is about a selected event in your life that WILL happen and there's nothing you can do to change that event...ever hear of death?

Yep. Death. The only proof one would ever need that Fate has a plan for all of us. It's only what goes on in between that delays or accelerates the event. If people were so fully in control of their own lives and destinies...death wouldn't affect us all equally. Some would die, and others wouldn't. They'd control whether they die or not. People that died would only die out of coincidence.

And we all know that just ain't ever the case.

Fate is real. Coincidence is not. Learn to accept it.

So there.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Hitting On Someone Elses BF/GF
Posted: 11/18/2009 11:21:37 AM

sure it's fair game, in fact, if im out with my SO and some dude hits on her, i leave the ball in her court to choose, not that she ever does much choosing, and im always there to back her up if need be. if some dude wants to buy her drinks, or make her laugh, by all means, everyone likes some entertainment and free drinks, who am i to ruin that for her.

+1

That's kinda how I see it too. Some guy wants to try and mack my woman, feel free. If she doesn't want any part in it, then she can handle her shit. If she wants to soak him for drinks and such just to prove what a tool he is...so be it. If she wants to indulge him, and then herself later on...then whatever (guess she wasn't really my woman afterall lol). In any case, she's a big girl wearin' big girl panties...she can handle her own business, and I am WAY too old (and mentally mature) to do the jealous boyfriend thing.

As for me, I don't try to fish in someone else's pond. That's just tacky. I keep my flirting to those I know (yes I do flirt with my people's SO's), or those I who I get as single. If they're strangers who are taken...I won't waste my time. That's just bad form.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Blast from the past - Ex's
Posted: 11/18/2009 10:53:33 AM

Will the ex always win ? Is the past foundation with all it's cracks stronger that the potential of the fresh new relationship in front of them ?

OP -- The ex doesn't always win. I think you know that too. Let's face it, some people we call "ex" should be little more than that and most of us are quite thankful for it.

Still, there are those occasional few that are truly one of a kind. So unique unto themselves that for some reason or another, even after we've "moved on" they have left such a deep impression on us that most (or any) of us would literally drop everything on the spot if they gave the word. We'd dump whatever, stop whatever, end whatever if they said they wanted another shot.

Some exes do win. And they always will.

Just depends on the "who".

You ask if the past foundation could be stronger than the potential for something newer...and the answer will likely always be yes. Again, depending on the "who". The way I see it, you can think of it like this...and you just need one cliche to sum it all up...

"They just don't make 'em like that anymore."

I can look back at buildings, and cars, and things, and gadgets and so on from days gone by that were built to last. They were built with purpose. Some may be clunky and subpar compared to today's *ahem* "standards"...but really, were they? Nope. Think of the Colosseum in Rome...or the Sphinx in Egypt...or the Acropolis...think of the way cars were built to pretty much withstand a building being thrown at them as compared to today's cars which are manufactured outta plastic, fibreglass and Playdoh...think of computers that you'd have to blow up to get to stop as compared to today's which are more or less disposable and can break if you look at them the wrong way...you get the picture.

In some cases, with the particular "who", the foundation from the past is stronger than anything that will ever come after them because they just don't make 'em like that anymore.

It's a slight to those that want to compete in the same ring because they'll never be able to out and ask someone, "So...you have anyone from your past you'd drop everything for?"...but this is the risk we all take when we want a relationship. Some will not have to worry about competing with exes...and others will. But we'll never really know. There's no sign that people wear that says "I know who my 'who' is - engage at your own peril".

The trick is to be sure the "who" is really worth the effort expended. If this represents an on again/off again where your relationship could easily be fodder for Jerry Springer, then you're just hooked on the drama and not the "who".

I know who my "who" is. If I was ever asked, I'd say as much. Though there was a time when I denied it to everyone, including myself. Anyone that comes into my life would understand from jump that they'll be walking in an immense shadow that was cast on my life from just one person, and that if there came a day she just up and said "Let's try this again" that I would drop whoever I was with like a bad habit and go back to the durable past as opposed to the fragile future.

Will it ever happen? No one knows. Not even me. Risk is all part of the game.

Interesting topic OP. Well done.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Fingers and Tounges
Posted: 11/18/2009 9:48:47 AM
OP -- Of the women I've ever been with, there was just the one that I can think of that had an aversion to both - fingers, and tongues.

Now to be fair, this was due almost entirely to an absence of it. As in, never having experienced it before. So she didn't know if she liked it or hated it, but knew that she was avoiding it. Naturally this made for one on one contact to be tense at best. I helped her get over one, but not the other...

As for the rest I've been with, they all enjoy it or at least tolerate it for the sake of attempted foreplay.

However, even in saying that, this reflects my own personal experience. I have heard from those around me that they have been with, or are with those that don't like fingers or tongues (for whatever reason) and this confuses and aggravates them beyond measure. Sadly, rather than go out and find someone they CAN enjoy it with mutually, they stay because they are whipped. But that's their cross to bear.

Best thing I can say is, some women have aversions to one or both, and if you happen to enjoy participation in either/or...then hook up with one who does as well.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Current girlfriend keep insisting on meeting my ex...Drama Drama Drama!!!
Posted: 11/17/2009 1:54:00 PM
OP -- Provided that you're not a troll in disguise, here's what I can say...

From your post, it sounds like A) your ex is a jackal, high strung, emotionally retarded, and a racist...and B) your current beau seems to be interested in high drama.

Warning flags on the play brother...on all counts.

I'd be VERY concerned that my current beau would WANT to meet up with my ex, considering all that has transpired and the obvious racial overtones. Sounds to me like she's itching for a confrontation, or an outright bout of fisticuffs. In either case, just reeks of drama and displays emotional immaturity. SHe's bordering on being as emotionally retarded as your ex.

You sure know how to pick 'em.

Best bet is try try and suss out the "why". WHY does she insist on meeting the ex?

She's knowingly and willingly wanting to walk into a minefield, so one has to ask WHY.

Grill her about it and try to ascertain her reasoning for the insistence. If it starts to smack of juvenile "meet me by the monkey bars after school" kinda crap...then maybe you need to create a new ex with the new beau by kicking her ass to the curb as well.

I don't know why, but I can SOOOOOO see this whole scene starting with a "Na na na na na na...he's with me" chant if they DO meet. Then sit back and watch the sparks fly. I'd prefer ringside if you got any?
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
No-one likes him except me
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:31:08 AM
OP -- Normally I'd be the first one to say screw what others say, as long as YOU are happy with your choice. However, when it comes to things like this...that's seldom the case. People around us tend to see things we don't, because we're blinded by the "honeymoon phase" of things.

If they're all saying pretty much the same thing, I'd heed their words. If YOU are the only one that likes him, then this should be the ONLY Red Flag you need to see.

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 11/16/2009 11:05:10 PM

Reading all the threads on FWB's and whether or not they can develop into a relationship or not got me wondering something...

There seems to be a few people who feel that once a man is in a FWB relationship he has the best win-win situation. He gets the sex, requiring no committment and no responsibility, little or no drama, likely not monogamous and he's usually free to continue to play the field...

So, once a man has been in a FWB for a while, and it ends (for whatever reason - irrelevant), is he more likely to look for another FWB as opposed to a serious relationship.... in other words does he get "hooked" on FWBing....?

Church -- Interesting question.

I'd suggest that with the marketplace being what it is today, and comparing notes against what we see written here daily...is it really any wonder why men predominantly are looking for more FWB type situations as opposed to real relationships? I mean seriously...have you READ the sheer amount of antiquated entitlement threads going on? The ones where women still expect this archaic ritual of courting and men doing all the heavy lifting (so to speak) while they sit there and do nothing except make an appearance and assume that's "their part"?

Yea...THOSE threads.

Can't swing a cat without hitting one.

So honestly...what motivation do men have in the 21st century to involve themselves beyond the FWB thing? Not much. Like you prefaced, they get all the frills and none of the headaches. If it doesn't fly, there's no divorce...or breakup...just "C ya" and done. Quick and clean.

Women continue to give men absolutely no meaningful reason to wanna involve themselves in the "real" relationship, and really that's their own damn fault. So if they can get a shag here and there without the hassles and hangups that entail a "real" relationship...why wouldn't they?

But hooked on them? Hmm...I'm skeptical.

I suppose if a FWB didn't pan out for me 'cause she wanted "more" so I need to move on...unless the next one in line has something tangible to offer, then it'll just be another FWB thing for me. As long as I know I can get the frills and none of the headaches that come with real relationships...there's no point in me looking for anything but FWB. If I meet someone that really knocks my socks off in every way, and understands that equality means "across the board" and not just the modern version of "when it's convenient"...then I may look beyond the FWB and actually head towards the light...the "real" relationship.

Until then, FWB is the only way to fly.

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
I can't take this anymore!
Posted: 11/16/2009 4:26:27 PM

If I was him, I would not agree either. It appears that he had no say in it, because again you're saying YOU had the lawyer write it up...
Again, it seems like YOU are being controlling... even to your wording that "I had the lawyer write up"....

To me, it sounds like he's quite naturally rebelling against you railroading him... and quite frankly, so would I.....

+1 Everything that Church said, make it a double for me...

Anyone with eyesight could see the sheer amount of "me me me all about me" in your post, and yet you have the steel to claim HE is the controlling one? Wow, that's ballsy...

YOUR papers you drafted...

YOU putting the house up for sale...

YOUR Lawyer drafting other papers...

If anyone has control issues, it seems to be...YOU. Buddy just seems smarter than the average bear by using your papers for kindling. It's probably all they were good for anyways. And quite frankly, beyond the clear "me me me all about me" context that was so evident...we're really only hearing YOUR side of events. YOU playing "the victim" and him nowhere in sight to defend himself, or provide his account of events (which I can only imagine contrasts yours like day and night).

Your post told me everything I'd need to know. Your selfishness is abundant. 2 sides of the story remain hidden. Your ex seems like he's ahead of the curve, and good for him I say. I wouldn't let anyone railroad me either. I just hope he stays smart and doesn't let you roll over him.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
When is the time right?
Posted: 11/16/2009 1:41:34 PM
OP -- If you don't wanna be hurt/feel used/hear "I don't wanna see you anymore"...then quite simply, DO NOT DATE.

Stay single.

Be happy with that guarantee.

You won't hurt yourself. You won't use yourself. You can't hear "I don't wanna see you anymore" from yourself...let's face it, we can't ever escape ourselves.

But if you're looking for some guarantee that you won't face those perils from the real world...get real. Won't happen. Life doesn't present you with security blankets, and life sure as HELL won't coddle you to protect your feelings.

Dating and relationships imply a certain inherent risk. You either wanna risk it and possibly lose, or just don't even bother. But don't go through life expecting it to coddle you to spare you the grief. Just won't happen.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Silent Sex
Posted: 11/16/2009 12:37:29 PM

I have a problem of being absolutly silent from foreplay till end during sex. No matter how mind-blowing the sex or how much I'm enjoying it or how much noise she is making, for some odd reason I never make a noise nor do I ever feel the need to.

OP -- You most certainly don't have any "problem"...so just get that shit out your head ASAP. It's only a "problem" to those jackals out there that think A) sex should sound off like a friggin porno casting call, or B) they're in serious need of validation.

There's nothing wrong with being quiet during sex. Odd that the ONLY ones I ever hear complaints from are...women. Funny how that happens huh?

"My man doesn't make any sounds!"
"My man doesn't moan, groan or anything!"
"My man likes to play dead during sex!"
"I had to hold a mirror under his nose to make sure he was still breathing!"

And so on...

Sex is simple. Did you enjoy it? Did they enjoy it? Did you both get off? Are you both gonna do it again? Answer yes, and what's the issue? NOTHING.

"Oh, but he was so quiet...I hate that!"

YAWN. Bored now.

There's nothing wrong with you, nor are you weird. Some people just like to make big productions about sex like they're trying to prove something. Simple question to those that do like the big productions...if the world was rendered incapable of sound...would you then just not bother having sex? Not bloody likely.

So it's "them" that need to get over their insatiable demands for noise.

You're just fine.

Just sayin'............
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
having a tough time. (could use alot of help.)
Posted: 11/16/2009 12:27:04 PM
OP -- "Friends" don't make demands, such as you have. Namely the imposition of staying ONLY if there's some chance you two could rekindle.

That's not friendship.

That's negotiation.

Unless you mistyped something, you are DIVORCED. This would imply that both parties have gone through the motions of making it final and official. If your demands would be fitting, you'd at MOST be separated. I could hardly see someone going through the agony and expense of a divorce only to go back and do it all over again just because YOU want another chance. Separated, I'd say you had some odds...divorced, not a chance.

So if you're going to make demands to stay friends...best to just cut all ties and both go your separate ways.

You're just swimming against the current otherwise. And being rather selfish about it too...

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
honest answer...
Posted: 11/16/2009 4:29:32 AM
Sorry OP...but all I'm getting from your post is talk of "feelings" and "presumptions". Not a single tangible entry to be found. All just talk of how you "feel" he feels the same, and "presume" he also loves you.

Pretty weak.

Like trying to hold back a freight train with wet spaghetti...

You're kidding yourself, and leading your mind and heart down what I'm sure is a one way street. He's your best friend because there's no commitment or namby-pamby talk of "more". 20:1 that if you approach the subject and start quizzing him about "more", you're just gonna end up with nothing.

If you want "more" then you never shoulda had the FWB to begin with. If he wanted you "that way", he woulda seen to it to have a real relationship with you from the start and never entered into a FWB thing with you. You just wanna convince yourself that your presumptions and feelings are spot on...

But they're not. I can almost put money on it.

He has FWB. If he wanted a relationship, he'd have pursued one. He's just not that into you or he'd have done so already, and long ago.

Quit foolin' yourself.

Accept what you have as you have it, and appreciate it for what it is...or want and seek more and you'll lose what little you DO have right now.

Your choice.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Why do second marriages fail more often?
Posted: 11/16/2009 4:21:25 AM
Aside from the 2nd marriages that are involving widowers...I think the reason has a lot to do with the "rebound" phenomenon.

Just like with relationships, marriages can also see the "rebound". Last time I checked, there wasn't much to say as far as successful rebound relationships...so by that token, why would a rebound marriage fare much better? Chances are it wouldn't, and doesn't.

When you rebound, you tend to be rash and impulsive about it. On average, most don't waste much time between relationships...and a staggering amount don't waste much time between marriages. Dunno if it's about not learning lessons as much as it is about scrambling to be with someone 'cause gawd forbid you're single/alone.

Rebound relationships fail...so too do rebound marriages.

I think if more people concerned themselves with proper "healing" times, and adequate resolution regarding debt/kids/finances/settlements/etc (post-breakup), and spent FAR less time worrying about whether they'll have a date next Friday or whatever...the numbers would come down. Stop concerning themselves with the "OMG I'M ALONE!!" factor, and concentrated more on resolving their former life before moving on.

In other words, avoid the "rebound".

Sadly though, most people are just too damn stupid for their own good and they'd rather rebound and fail rather than taking steps to settle their old lives, because gee...they can't manage being alone.

JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
bf has bad time management
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:21:06 AM
Holy sweet Jesus in mustard wrap...

Wow OP...you failed at life. You fail so hard I can't even begin listing just how many things are so very wrong with you and your post. Holy snap...

I think you should do the world a favor and either A) move to a remote island and remain a party of one, or B) attend an anger management class ASAP.

Epic fail.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
cell phones and cheating
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:04:06 AM

is it wrong to look into yr so cell phone if you think something is wrong?

OP -- Well DUH it's wrong. You're an adult...you should know this by now. Snooping is just flat out bad form and shows the world how immature and insecure the snoop really is. There is NO justification for snooping. What you're doing is directly invading someone else's privacy. Chances are YOU wouldn't appreciate people sifting through your shit, so why would it be okay to do it to someone else because you think something is "wrong"?

It wouldn't be "okay".

Snoops all need a special swift kick in the ass with the business end of a frozen boot.

If you think there's something "wrong", then approach your SO about it like AN ADULT. It's called respect. Look it up - it's in the Dictionary.

If you don't like the answer your SO gives you, or you still have reason to think that something's "wrong"...then forego the snooping and just cut ties with them. I know if my SO thought it wise to snoop instead of asking me directly about her suspicions...she'd be punted to the curb without even a second thought or a backwards glance. And I wouldn't care to hear the litany of "reasons" why they thought it best to snoop instead of coming out and asking me first instead. She'd be done. Over. Kaput.

Insecurity is never sexy. Never appealing. Snoopy people reek of it.

Snoops need to "think" about that...
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
What Would You Do? Trying to Make sense of the Ex Factor...
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:02:32 AM
OP -- Damn...for a second there I thought I was reading my own horror story...you have NO immediate idea just how closely your post resembles my own past...no bloody idea.

Scary actually. Almost made me sniffly...

Anyways. As other posters have already alluded to, this is one of those "nothing ventured, nothing gained" kinda deals. You're 27 so even you should know this by now. You said that shortly after the breakup you tried to make peace somewhat, which he acknowledged but politely declined and I imagine that was completely circumstantial all things considered. One can forgive harsh words and actions, but truly...one never really forgets. Those stinging jabs may be felt perpetually despite forgiveness being rendered. It's just the way the psyche responds.

So now here you are, pining away for "the one". Convinced he is just that, but at a loss as to how to proceed. Well, if you don't step forward, you'll always be in the shadow of what you had, and always left to ponder the "what if". Believe me, you do NOT want that. Ever. The "what if" is deadly and can render one mentally incapacitated to an extent. It'll ravage your mind and leave it looking like a war torn part of the world before too long.

In your case, again as some have already pointed out, you need to make the effort. If not for any other reason than to just quell the voices in your heart and head that are leading you to thoughts of him and what once was. The worst he can say is "F*ck off" and tell you to go kill yourself slowly with a thousand paper cuts.

If you don't make the gesture, you'll always be left with just the "what if". I'd suggest learning how to form a proper paragraph first though. Reading walls of text ain't pretty and shows little attention to detail. It's sloppy, and this is not the impression you want to send as "Here's some word vomit for you". Clean that up first, really.

There's nothing wrong with admitting that you're one who believes in soulmates. I do too. So closely does your story mirror my own that it has me thinking the "what if" now. Like you, I had a falling out with my ex fiance a few years back after a critical mental breakdown that neither one of us handled very well. Except that I know she moved on and got herself re-engaged, this time to her choice of successors. Last I heard thought, there's trouble in paradise and she reappeared on my radar. So like you, I'm asking myself if it's time for me to admit that she was my "one".

I digress.

Bottom line is, if the love you shared was in any way meaningful and valuable to you then or now in retrospect...throw caution to the wind and make first contact. A brief letter minus the apology would suffice. Perhaps just a quick "I'd like to talk to you face to face" kinda thing. Just a written ice breaker. Then say what you need to say one on one. The personal touch goes a lot further than mere email banter. Just be careful not to tread over the past too much. He was there. He remembers what happened and likely doesn't want, nor need any reminders. Just let him know that you think he's "the one" and it's been on your mind a lot. Enough to finally break the silence and get some face time with him. Then see where it goes.

If he declines a revisit to days gone by, and doesn't see much cause or reason to try again - then let that be that. At least you can sleep soundly at night knowing that you took the chance, rolled the dice, and accepted the outcome. You can't lose what you don't have, so even a "Thanks but no thanks" is losing nothing. So in essence, you have nothing at all to lose, but everything to gain.

Some people say that once broken, things will never be the same. They're right. But that doesn't mean that it can't be better. The only thing preventing that is effort. Learning from mistakes instead of repeating them.

Best of luck to you. I'm actually gettin' soggy eyed just thinking about it now.

Eesh. Look at me go...ugh.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 47 (view)
 
BF will not tell me his birthdate or where he works - is this wierd to you guys?
Posted: 11/14/2009 12:40:09 AM
OP -- Leave it to a chick to determine that birthdate and job location are "very important things". Ugh. They're important...why?

Checking up on him?

Wanna keep tabs?

It's called P R I V A C Y. Look it up, it's an actual word. I'm not kidding.

YOU think it's important...but you've known this guy for a scant 2 months (8 weeks approx). You think he should divulge this pertinent info...why? Because YOU deem it as "very important things"? Get a grip.

If after 6-9 months or so he still hasn't shed any light on either, THEN worry. 2 months in, you're still getting to know one another...so you're just a bunny-boiler in disguise at this point. Not only that, but you REEK of insecurity and mistrust.

You chicks are too funny for words some days...making mountains outta molehills. Really.

You've known the guy 8 weeks. Get a grip.

When he's ready to tell you, he will. Until then, cool your heels and pay attention to REAL "important things".
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/13/2009 5:37:38 PM
Um yea...OP...you DO know that POF has these great things called forums, right?

What makes you think him being "here" implies he's still looking?

Sounds like sheer paranoia to me. And the smack of insecurity.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Chain emails - Do you pass them on? Check the facts?
Posted: 11/13/2009 3:25:13 PM
I just wanted to add - I just logged into my Facebook and saw yet another "THIS IS NO JOKE!! PASS IT ON!!" alert type status update. This time is was about a couple that wants to be added as a friend so they can steal pics of your kids to sell to pedos.

It's a scam. A lift. A new twist on an older story that wasn't true either.

Makes me wonder why people who have no issue logging in to FB to spend likely hours on there can't spend 5 seconds to verify "alerts" before they post them? All you're doing is pissing people off and causing panic until that pissed off person reminds you that it is all bunk and you should remove the friggin update.

I'm so sad at the state of intelligence in today's society. Or rather, the lack thereof.

Pathetic.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 61 (view)
 
sweep me off my feet?
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:36:48 PM

i see on several female profiles the rather egotistical challenge for the male reader to "sweep me off my feet." this implies several things to me but what does it mean to you.?
answers from both males and females are appreciated.

OP -- I don't see it as a challenge in any way...I see it as you do in the sense that it's A) stirring the pot, B) egotistical and shallow, and C) proves they have read FAR too many Harlequin novels for their own good. These types expect to be wined and dined with little to no effort on their own, and I'm sure that most actually DO expect fully to see some dude show up on a white horse with shining armor all around.

They fail.

Then I move on.

Pretty simple.

Now if a profile says what they will do for US (their potential suitor) then I'll read further 'cause right off the bat I know they have a brain in their head.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Chain emails - Do you pass them on? Check the facts?
Posted: 11/12/2009 5:44:10 PM
OMG...these chain letters and spams are so rampant that I have blocked very good friends from ever emailing me again.

I give them ONE warning to check their facts first before hitting send. If they do it again, they are blocked. I have no time for people who just pass shit along cause it "looked legit" and could take 3 f*cking seconds (average Google search time at MOST) to see it's all crap.

Just cause it "looks legit" don't mean shit...most of that heartwrencing shit is what gets passed along the most.

And 99.99% of it is just shit.

People need to start thinking.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Mooching off
Posted: 11/12/2009 12:00:30 PM

She must be a stunna' if you ignored more red flags than a Chinese parade!

+1

Wow OP...just wow. Maybe next time you should follow "Big Terrator" and not "Little Terrator"?

Just sayin'............
 
Show ALL Forums