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Quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 95 (view)

I dont love him Posted: 2/7/2009 4:16:45 PM
The sad truth about people (strangers in public forums, especially) is that they tend to judge first, commiserate second. I try to remember that you never know who you're talking to or how negatively that person is going to take what you say to them. I don't like the idea of throwing an extra brick on anybody's load. I doubt very sersiously ANYONE here has lived life free of the kind of trouble we bring on our own damn selves. I didn't read your post as you looking for sympathy; more that you were looking for someone to tell you what you already know for yourself. You don't love the guy, you shouldn't be with him. Relationships between two people who are completely committed and 100% in love are hard enough. A lifetime with someone you don't have love in your heart for? Impossibly difficult. Don't do that to yourself, the children you already have or the one you're carrying now. You don't have to be together to co-parent. Work something out and stay true to yourself.

Quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 893 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 10/11/2008 11:31:26 PM
I started this thread more than a year and a half ago....in the hopes that SOMEone out there knew the struggle of disillusionment, pain and outrage I came to live with for more than 3 yrs. I can't even say how wonderful it is, to come back to the forum and see that people are still sharing, venting and gaining support from it. My ex is still the yawning black hole of the universe. He has moved on to yet another woman who is the "cure" for what ails him. It's a pattern that will always stay the same, all I can do is be thankful that it's not me. The roles have been reversed and I am now the woman who has attempted to warn others...I remember getting the same warning myself, and not listening. Yea...they are that good at what they do. He has moved out of state (thankfully), far away from me and my children, and for that I am truly thankful to God. He attempts to make excuse his neglect and total lack of parenting with constant phone calls. I put my foot down, explained to him that my children are too young to care about talking on the phone to a virtual stranger, and that that is exactly what he is. Their step father has been in their lives now longer than he was, and we're talking years vs. months. I can only hope that as time passes, we instill in them enough self love to understand that blood doesn't always tell, and his sickness has nothing to do with them. I am blessed in that the drama and turmoil culminated while my kids were still infants, and with any luck they will have no memory of any of it. I've advised him that he can keep up with what is going on in their lives, but on my terms and only on my terms. I really don't want him having any contact at this point, and luckily it doesn't seem like that will be a problem anytime soon. It's actually funny, because I've watched him....struggle with what he is. I do believe now he recognizes there is something very wrong with him. The pity is in that there is either nothing he WANTS to do, or nothing he can. Either way, it's not my problem and my job is to protect whats mine therefore, I don't have the time nor the inclination for sympathy. I will never...ever forget what's gone before. Blessings to ALL of you who have been touched by someone of this nature. You're still standing, and you REALIZE the problem lies outside of yourself, not within. In my opinion, that makes us ALL warriors.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 731 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 12/9/2007 12:05:46 AM
Wow...look at my lil' thread!!! Unbelievable! I've been a complete ass about keeping up, please forgive me. The quads, and the man (now the "fiance"!!) have been pretty time consuming. But I wanted to post to let y'all know that I've come through for quick reads now and again, and I'm just so pleased that so many people have found comfort, help and information here amongst one and other. My ex is still out of state (thankfully) and still playing the role of concerned parent via phone calls. But he doesn't darken our doorstep and these days when the false promises start coming, we just shake our heads and laugh after hanging up. We all know the drill, and so does he. Unfortunately, he will never be self aware enough to admit it. I've got loads of pages to read yet, but know that I'm thinking about so many of you that I got to know a bit here. I'm proud, awed and inspired by the fact that the topic is still going even though its because many of us have shared such negative experiences. Blessings to each and every one of you.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 339 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 6/27/2007 5:38:13 AM
NotherFish- you clearly cannot say its "cultural". Not unless you have a different definition of culture than Daniel Webster. By the same token that "alot of Non-black fathers will say (behind close doors) "You can date any one BUT a black man..." or your words to that effect....are you allowing that ALOT of "non-black" fathers aren't saying that at all, in front of OR behind closed doors? And you're sounding like its only "non-black" families that have issues with their children dating interracially. The connotations THERE are huge and not attractive, so I'll give ya the benefit of the doubt on that one. Clearly it could be just my perception of how you're saying it. For the record, of my, oh, I dunno.....5 fairly serious relationships with white men, I haven't met a family who took issue with me after meeting me. If they did before and he simply didn't tell me, I couldn't know. But I've been accepted and loved. But these were, ofcourse, thinking people. Not prone to sweeping generalizations obviously. But again, simply my personal experience talking here. I cannot speak for the rest of the country or daters in general. But I do know MANY, many interracial couples..... The rest of what you said is personal preference and mindset. Period. And as we all keep belaboring...thats an individual's right. I'm glad I live where I do. In fact, I'm about to call my mama right now and thank her.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 328 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 6/26/2007 10:02:27 AM
^^^^^I don't know what sites your visiting....but in my experience, its just the opposite. The profiles are few and far between that specify they will only date a specific race. As to your sister and her friends....they are now officially the minority. Maybe its geographical. But I see more interracial couples walking around here in central IL. than I've ever seen in my life. My bf and I barely even get a look these days. And I've rarely had a man on a dating site reject me over color. In fact, its happened one time..and I remember it because it was the ONLY time. At that point, I responded that I was sorry for whatever experience lead him to his preconceptions and wished him luck. I wasn't too put off by it because only AFTER I'd messaged him did I realize he had a umm..physical deal breaker that had I known about it, I wouldn't have messaged him anyway. I think your experience Notherfish is not a true representation of U.S. culture at this point. Myself, my friends and family as well as my co-workers paint a different picture than the one you describe.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Strong muscular guys Posted: 6/18/2007 3:43:25 PM
This question absolutely floors me......

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 544 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 6/16/2007 8:49:23 AM
******MY ENABLING, DENYING, OBLIVIOUS MIL************************* ...came to visit the kids yesterday. She admitted to my boyfriend (once she got him alone) that she had come intending to "check him out...and let him know what she thought". Now, nevermind, this man is in here doing what her sorry, mentally disturbed son couldn't. IE helping me raise these kids. But I digress. She said that she had decided NOT to call him out about treating us well, blah blah blah...all because she could SEE that he was a good man. Folks, she then went on to hem the poor guy up on the porch for a half hour MAKING EXCUSES for my ex! I walked out on the porch just as she was going on and on about his father and how he had rejected the family....ad nauseum. Unbelievable! I held it together..and tried to play it cool. I simply said, "well, that sucks for him but life goes on". She clammed up, but I could see she had more to say. She has been a nice person. He's her child, and being a mother now, I understand that I'd love my child to the distraction of all else. But once there were grandchildren involved......once I SEEN his complete and utter lack of humility, his contempt and hostility.... lack of motivation, empathy..... Anyway, I thought it was kinda funny when it was over. She stayed for a total of 3 1/2 hrs. Now she's gone. Supposedly they will BOTH be coming in July. Oh joy. Hope he's made hotel arrangements.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 538 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 6/8/2007 5:29:42 AM
^^^^^ Girrrrrl. You should have shot him. Truly.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 307 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 6/8/2007 5:18:09 AM
BTW... what happened 300.. or even 100 years ago really shouldn't affect you now. The black people who DON'T claim racism at every opportunity and who WORK to prove thier abilities... succeed. Oh, Fred....Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, FRED! I don't even know where to start with these two statements. I really don't. So I think I'll just say this: Only a person truly unaffected by the repercussions of "what happened 300 yrs ago" could even say that. Truly. And what you seem to be saying (cuz I don't want to put words in ANYone's mouth) is that there is no way that society can be blamed past OR present for someone not getting ahead? We have only to SHUT UP and never even think someone is discriminating against us, and the floodgates of prosperity will open?? So, I guess that whole Dr. King thing was just unnecessary. The man didn't know what he was talking about when he said skin color was denying an entire race of people access to proper education? My mama is lying when she talks about having to take my aunt (her younger sister) 5 miles down the road for a drink of water when they would allow them inside a "whites only" restaurant? My grandfather really didn't have to stand and watch while a white sharecropper with HALF his payload was paid TWICE what he was. According to your analysis, if he just forced himself to believe that it really wasn't racism, he would have opened his pocket and seen the money had doubled. And no, this didn't stop there. There are instances of the same type of ...abuse, outright abuse happening in America TODAY. I have SEEN a child put on one list as opposed to others...by simple virtue of the fact that her NAME sounded black. I've SEEN a family get up and move to a different location in a restaurant once they realized their waiter was a young black man. It goes on and on. And to be told by ANYone that these people should just shut up and not cry "Racism!" at the top of their voices......well, that just saddens me. And it pisses me off. As far as the education and learning thing...I would agree to some extent. My point was that we aren't all starting from the same place. Its a cycle hun. People who were disenfranchised and denied access to education and training breed MORE people who work menial jobs and are uneducated. Thats not my opinion, but a social experiment thats been in the making since America came into being. It is way too Pollyanna for anyone to say that there is no racism or that people should just shrug it off, get over it, or anything else cliche like that. THIS is the type of thing promotes frustration and seperatism among the races. If you were....I dunno, smacked around by someone, reported it to the police only to have them say "Oh, its your imagination. You must just be upset over something else." How would that make ya feel? This entire debate borders on the ridiculous. It truly does.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 643 (view)

When it comes to the opposite sex, what is your weakness? Posted: 6/7/2007 3:33:51 PM
A deep soulful voice, dark hair, shoulders and a firm ass.....damn, just described my man!

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 535 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 6/7/2007 6:25:06 AM
Yes, I would say that was true in my particular situation Allritenow. The odd thing is that his mother, although somewhat paranoid and more than a little high strung at times, was pretty much a stable influence in his life. She worked, kept a roof over their heads, and evidently showed consistent love to him. His father on the other hand..a real piece of work who abused her and had mood swings that ranged from the loving family man to pure rage. Another argument for getting away from these people when their are children involved. His mom influenced this condition as well, don't get me wrong. Her repeated acceptance and inabling of his CONSTANT bad behavior is the stuff of legend in his family. This man was in the juvenile justice system by age 15....and she did little, if nothing, to reign in his behavior. She just made sure she was there to bail him out and still plays that role to this day.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 305 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 6/7/2007 6:17:16 AM
Daydreamer, PLEASE read what Jordan just posted. Please. And my opinion carries no more weight than yours. MY implication with that statement should be clear. You are singling me out over and over again..picking apart my position, when you claim it doesn't really differ from yours that much. But I think MY opinion is more deserving of respect? No...I simply wasn't going to slink away with it when confronted by someone who disagreed with my terminology. I'm betting no one will read the above post...although it THOROUGHLY sums up the entire argument here. All dozen + pages of it. From a white man no less, so maybe the opinion won't be deemed as playing that dumbass card. Again, thanks JordanMardan. Standing O for you!...

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 392 (view)

Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password! Posted: 6/7/2007 6:04:11 AM
Oh, absolutely ArtofLiving! I couldn't agree more. Obviously this guy was up to no good in the first place, or else her asking the question wouldn't have rung his bell so hard.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 301 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 6/2/2007 1:33:14 PM
Its not "discredit"ing someone to state the reasons for one's OWN opinion. Thats the entire concept behind debate. Why post opinions if you can't solidify your own when someone disagrees? And you DID say and imply something about race. Albeit mistakenly. Its not my fault hat I took your typo literally. I don't read minds and can't really imagine why I would have thought you didn't mean it. You acknowleded last night that you typed the word "you" when you didn't mean me although your response was addressed to me. I'm done arguing about it. You have an issue with what I said or how I said it, then oh well. Nothing I can do about it. I'm not overly fond of your phrasing either, or your continued insistance on calling me out for having an opinion. Even though thats what you say you are defending for another poster. This is dumb. It is a beautiful..and innocent thing to be able to live life truly believing that, as you said earlier "Most people don't have it in them to truly be racist." I'm sorry, but when you've experienced true hate the way some have, that statement boarders on ludicrous. It would be beautiful ...but its just not the reality that many people have had shoved down their throats. But you are surely entitled to your opinion and I've grown so tired of trying to clarify mine that I find I'm losing sight of the entire point of this discussion. I think the person the OP posted in regards to is a racist b!tch. I just do. My reasons have filled up about 3 pages of this discussion. I really can't elaborate any more. My grandmama used to tell us kids that "Some folks don't believe fat meat is greasy even when they see the grease running out of it." I find that pretty well sums up this entire exchange. May not make sense to anyone raised north of the Mason Dixon line, but it sure fits this situation for me.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 299 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 6/1/2007 8:45:56 PM
Daydreamer, I don't know if I'm truly flakin' here...or if you are just being really....well, I don't know how to say that so its not offensive. When I said "it made it something else for me" that was a nod to the fact that it was MY interpretation. Not gospel truth and not something that anyone else had to agree with. In fact, I went on to say it again, in the SAME post. It made it something else for ME....in other words, I was attempting to explain my opinion. I wasn't trying to say that I knew for a fact this is what the woman meant. Only that her turn of phrase made it racist FOR ME. The rest of your breakdown becomes superfluous. You are acknowledging that you didn't intend the "you" you responded with as meaning ME in particular. I had no way of knowing that, so I responded in kind...with the belief that you were, indeed, implying that my opinion was tainted by race. Call it "bullsh!t" but YOU were the one who said it, in error, but you still said it. What was I supposed to think? YOU brought up race by misphrasing your post. I responded to what I THOUGHT your meaning was by interpreting the words, not mind reading. NOW I know its not what you meant. I wasn't trying to assume anything about anyone. This is a discussion board..where all discussions are based on opinion. You get to post yours. I get to post mine and so on and so forth. As long as I'm not claiming that your opinion or anyone else's is not valid, or claiming to have some inner knowledge of the right or wrong of it, I'm not doing a thing wrong. I guess I understand your post, and I don't. I wasn't assuming anything, merely stating my opininion. I don't think I'll ever see it any other way, so maybe we'll just have to leave it at that.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 522 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 6/1/2007 9:03:43 AM
Thanks, Ox. I completely agree in that there is only so much I can do..ANYone can do. You're intellect, compassion and intuitiveness are evident in your posts and I know that your son's outcome is no reflection on you or anything you did or did not do. I can't remember now who asked the question (what I felt about the genetic correlation) but I guess the basic answer is simply that any parent will and would do what they could to even the odds. I really feel its like Ox said....some people will have every home and family advantage in the world..and still turn out rotten and evil to the core. This goes for anything, not just NPD. We all know a kid or an adult who had the best parents and most supportive upbringing. Only to mature into a selfish, hateful individual. This is no different. Genetica predisposition can only account for a fraction of it. What will be will be and is ultimately in the hands of the individual.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 294 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 6/1/2007 8:52:19 AM
Daydreamer, YOU contradicted yourself and at least I really pointed it out. You keep saying that you're pointing out where I did, but if you could quote me it would be appreciated. It seems that one of us is speaking a foreign langauge. And thank you for telling me just WHY I feel the way I do. It MUST be because I'm black cuz God knows its not possible for anyone of color to have come to the same conclusion by simple deduction. I mean, all the white folks here who agree with me must just be channeling their inner blackness. GMAFB. I've made this my own "personal battle"?? Are you high? The only battle I'm waging is to get folks to read my posts in full and not misconstrue whats said in them. I don't give a flaming rat's ass whether or not anyone else agrees with me, only that they see exactly what I'm saying and not put words or connotations on it that don't exist. The OP was bothered enough to post the question. I'm not the ONLY one coming right back time and time again to make my point, yet its MY personal battle. Oh ya, that one must be because I'm so invested because I'm black again. I'm wondering what your investment is then? Or Drg's? Could it just be human interest in a controversial topic? Naaaaa..must be cuz you're white. I don't know you, therefore it would be a little..patronizing for me to label your interest in any way. Am I not deserving of the same courtesy? You're all over the place....I'm making an assumption because I'm black, but you're saying that you agree that the lady in question (and I use that term loosely) is "an idiot"?? I guess it must be true then, since you get to have that opinion and NOT be black. I mean, I'm rambling here, but do you see what you're saying? Cuz I think I do. Or maybe I don't. Or maybe YOU don't. Hell, I don't know. All I know is that my color has nothing to do with my logic in this. I have no issue with anyone preferring to date or not date whomever. ONCE AGAIN, I say that it is because of the descriptive term she used....that wonderful "ewww" that says to me as a rational person (not just a rational BLACK person) that she finds black people repulsive in some way. Gaby- while I applaud your...open dialog and truly see where you are coming from AND going with your post, I gotta say that I'm NOT Pinnochio, nor have I ever scrutinized an entire race of people simply because one of them wronged me in some way. Theres no way of convincing you of this about me or anybody else I guess. But its kind of sad that the world is such that its more believeable that someone HAS had racist moments than not.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

thongs above your belt line Posted: 5/31/2007 10:27:29 AM
Has anyone allowed for accidents here? I know personally, I would never wear one with the INTENTION of showing it out in public. But it happens. Jeans are so low rise these days...and no, not everyone is running out to Vickies (Victoria's Secret) to buy a whole new wardrobe of underwear just to be on the safe side. Yes, there are the plain old low rise Fruit of the Loom panties...but honestly, I'm not always thinking of what underwear I put on from day to day. I just grab a pair. Now if its for my honey.....

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 518 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 5/31/2007 10:09:41 AM
Well...let me see how to answer this. No disrespect to any of the knowledgable folks here at all. Its my belief that NPD can be a ...genetic TRAIT. That much like a plant, that trait would need favorable conditions...and fertilization to mature. I think that my ex's parents...their actions and the way he grew up all played a role in bringing out the TRAIT he had even as a youngster. Being powerless while he watched his mother be abused as a boy. Having a father that showed complete apathy toward him. It all went into the mixing bowl and helped him learn how to shut down or turn off real emotion. I will do everything in my power not to give any genetic factors the fertile ground to grow in. Even now, my babies are only 20 months old, I emphasize the REASONS why they aren't to do certain things that all toddlers are infamous for. "You don't hit your brother because that makes him feel bad and you need to LOVE your brother." If the power of suggestion holds any real power at all, I am hoping their personalities take root in THOSE things, rather than in any need to disassociate themselves from others. Really, thats all I can do. I really do believe that part of it is indeed genetic. Must like science is finding links between alcoholism, eating disorders and the like. But one still has to ask oneself if those conditions would have manifested under ANY circumstances or if they had to have favorable ones. With absolutly no disrespect to Ox...I am so not saying you raised your child in some way that fascilitated his NPD. However, I picked up on your saying that your father has it as well. Not that it rubbed off, but seeing it manifested in someone in a role of...patriarch may have factored in I suppose. I don't know. They've got my genes too. And I am one of the most empathetic emotion driven people I've ever known to exist. I'm hoping with that as a factor, we can do all we can to see them grow into healthy adults. It has GOT to help knowing that this could be a predisposition and being aware and alert to any indicators.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 291 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/31/2007 9:59:13 AM
Huh? I said that the way she said it made it something else for ME. As in my opinion. As in the reason I'm debating. As in WHY I think she is making a racial judgement. I'm not on any "defense". I wasn't the one who made that nasty remark and just because I happen to BE black and arguing in favor of thinking she's a nasty racist shrew....doesn't put ME on the defensive. How can you call something "misinterpretation" when you aren't the one who said it therefore can't really know for sure if its being misinterpreted? YOU are "assuming" that she didn't say it because she held any racist views. Now whose playing the Lets Assume Knowledge Game? I never claimed to be the all knowing all seeing...I simply gave my opinion and continue to do so. Again, it was "But once she made the comment the WAY that she did, it became something else FOR ME" Not for you. Not for Drg, or the OP or ANYone else. Please don't MISINTERPRET what I say .....

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 289 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/30/2007 11:11:15 PM
Quad if he hadn't intended using it as a excuse for rejection then he wouldn't have asked it. Oh, REALLY? OK, I'll play along with the Lets Assume Knowledge Game. Or may I assume you know the OP intimately and feel confident interpreting his intentions for him? Umm...taken off THIS thread from YOU Drg. Unless you know the female in question then no you don't. You are instead speculating and that is a poor way to decide if it is racist. Uh huh. Its also a piss poor way to decide someone ISN'T. Exchange the word "female" for male in this instance and you are officially the new pot calling little ole Miss Kettle black. Guess that makes me Miss Kettle. Nice to meet you. I'm not reaching for anything. I'm simply debating your vehement insistance that the woman just can't possibly be a racist and your continued insistance on ignoring the derogatory adjective (the infamous "eww") that is the basis for MY position. I don't care who dates who and I'm certainly not calling them racist because of it and only it (their preference). But once she made the comment the WAY that she did, it became something else for me.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 513 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 5/30/2007 5:24:20 PM
I have been hearing from him via email or Myspace at least a few times per week lately. And its funny how he keeps repeating the same two sentences. "Things are happening for me that i never thought possible. I'm grateful that you are the mother of my kids and I understand why you didn't want to be with me now." Umm...ok. Good. Glad you understand that I DIDN'T and DON'T.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 287 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/30/2007 5:19:32 PM
So please don't try to insult my intelligence by claiming that it doesn't happen and wasn't what the OP of this thread was trying to do himself. And the price of tea in China is what? What the HELL does that have to do with anything? No one in THIS thread has said that it never happens..people "playing the race card" as you love to put it Drg. If they have, then PLEASE, please, please point out the message number and the id cuz I'll take them to task MYself. That isn't proof that that was the intent of the OP here. I don't even see how you arrived at that conclusion. The more you protest that oh-no-the-female-in-question-couldn't-possibly-be-a-racist, the more you sound like you're making excuses for her. And you know what THAT makes it sound like in turn, right? Please explain to me how one black man admitting that in ONE situation HE had used race to lay a guilt trip then paints EVERY black person as using their race to do the same thing? I'm begging you, please explain it.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 281 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/30/2007 1:10:05 PM
Why is it that we keep going back to "racism isn't just against blacks" or its not just "a white man's disease?" I just wondered. Cuz I swear, I don't see any of that being the point of what the OP asked. He asked if HE had been discriminated against. I am hoping that, in this day and age, the very least we can all freely acknowledge is that its not just blacks in this country who are victims of racism. Kunta- now having said what I JUST posted above, I have to say that you are arguing the racist point of view FOR them. Your entire post WREAKED of the now infamous black racist view of whites. "I know a lion's nature" Riiiight. I dont think so. To even make the comparison is so offensive that I find MYSELF ready to apologize to all the Caucasion posters in the thread.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 291 (view)

When she won't do oral sex Posted: 5/30/2007 12:42:26 PM
This is so much more complicated than just loving you for you, or him for him...or any of those cliches. For a relationship to work...long term, you have got to tend to so many intricacies...sex being one of them. A person has to be satisfied in ALL facets of the relationship for it to last. I don't think its so much that a guy OR a woman would hang so much on oral. Its just that maybe it affects the way they see their partner in terms of intimacy. If it seems someone has a ..no fly zone in terms of what they will do in bed (the "normal" stuff, not hanging off the ceiling fixtures) it could affect how comfortable they are in bed with you. I could understand that. Now if these are men that you haven't dated long...I wouldn't give a crap. I mean, if its initial sex and you're saying "Hey, I'd rather not" and he takes off...bye. Big deal But I'd say that if its a love relationship, you might want to review other options as far as satisfying your partner in that way. I can't see asking my guy to go forever without it. Its not the end all be all for him, but ofcourse, he enjoys it when it happens. I wouldn't expect HIM to tell me I had to go the next 50 yrs without it either. That would probably cause a problem, not because I CAN'T do without it, but because I'd think his refusal was saying something more.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

i think its a womans playground on dating sites---its not a place for men Posted: 5/30/2007 8:04:41 AM
Oh ya...unless men aren't interested in single WOMEN, then I would say that a dating site has to be a place for them. Not the ONLY place, but still a place. I mean, who are we choosing from on our playground if not you guys?

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 415 (view)

A question of height ... Posted: 5/30/2007 6:47:35 AM
^^^ Realizing, ofcourse, that the two are not mutually exclusive?

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 413 (view)

A question of height ... Posted: 5/30/2007 6:42:26 AM
I might get in trouble for saying this..naaaaw..lol My guy is exactly my height and I am average or an inch or so above for a woman. However, I come from a family of giants (EVERY child born to my parents is now 5'11 and above, with me being only 5'6) I think he was guilty of the same thing a lot of guys are guilty of when we first spoke...a couple inches height embellishment. I prefer to think it may have been wishful thinking instead (his answer was exactly two inches taller than I KNOW I am and he's my height exactly as previously stated). It all goes back to that female instinct to choose a mate who gives the impression of being able to protect them. As long as a guy comes across as strong and capable of doing that, I don't think its a problem. Was it a big deal? No. Not at all. Am I some type of saint who doesn't care about the whole height perception with couples? Not really...it just didn't matter when I began talking to him. Do I tend to wear flats when we go out? Depends on what mood I'm in. He's still bigger than me, so its not as if I feel like I'm The Giant and he's Jack.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

i think its a womans playground on dating sites---its not a place for men Posted: 5/30/2007 6:30:52 AM
If that were the case, I wouldn't think that so many of us would have such a difficult time finding someone. I mean, really..if it were just a candyland for all of us females to pick and choose whoever we wanted.....we would be searching for all of about one day. EVERYone on a dating site has sent out interest only to hear nothing back. EVERYone. WIth the notable exceptions of the folks who are just so hot looking that ANYbody would want to screw them. But thats just interest in sex. Not real interest int he person.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 678 (view)

guys who don't like blowjobs Posted: 5/29/2007 7:58:06 PM
I can't even go here....I thought I had something to add, but no, I really can't.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 511 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 5/29/2007 7:47:56 PM
Ya know, Cosmic. I kept thinking that EVENTUALLY his mama would get tired of his phone calls asking for money to be bailed out of whatever situation he found himself in. That was his answer for everything....and when I questioned it, he told me that MY family was dysfunctional and it wasn't his fault that we weren't there for each other. I know we've all been there....they get you to the point where you have been living in their reality for so long, you start believing their logic. After I bailed him outta jail the first last and only time...I realize now that I emotionally withdrew. I started the process of "leaving" him before I took action to do so. I can see now that my children have been a blessing to me in MANY ways. Not the least of which is the fact that having them gave me the desire to get away from him. While in a sense he had defeated my spirit for years, I wouldn't allow him to do it to them and that was enough to get me out of it. HE thought that having a child would cement my devotion to him, or at the very least, my willingness to stay in the relationship. Terrible miscalculation on his part. Backfired, big time. Only a man with no true sense of parental love could ever underestimate the wrath of a mother bear defending her cubs.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 509 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 5/29/2007 6:40:15 PM
Cosmic, my understanding of what has been listed is that Histrionic manifests in women specifically, NPD in men. Allrite- see, my take on my ex and the kids is...ownership. Also he feels that since they "came" from him, they are an EXTENSION of him and as such worthy of his so called love. I have no doubt he believes he loves them and in so much as he is capable of that emotion (obviously not by most rational definitions) he does indeed "love" his children. For us normal folk, that kind of love would mean the willingness for self sacrifice. We would all do anything for our kids...to take care of them, provide for them and see them healthy. I dare say most men with NPD only think they would. When it came down to it, if we were broke and ready to be thrown on the streets evicted from our home, THIS man would have lamented the unfairness of it all...but he wouldn't have "lowered" himself to go take a menial job he felt was beneath him. Thats the best example I can give. He will SAY he is willing to do anything for them. But I've yet to see a true example of it.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 506 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 5/29/2007 5:28:46 PM
Amen. That list is published on every site I've ever visited regarding NPD and mentioned in every book or publication. Its not difficult to see the pattern when you've lived with or been involved with someone who is stuck with these behaviors. In fact, when you read the criteria...if its a true case of NPD, the words seem to JUMP off the page at you. I, personally, found myself shouting at the screen and clapping in agreement. It was as though someone wrote the book of my life with this man and his personality. My ex has all 9 behaviors. In abundance. And its so graphic and glaring in his case that even others recognize them when I've discussed this list with them. My family in particular.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 504 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 5/29/2007 6:59:36 AM
Another little tidbit. I've been playing the role of half assed believer with him. In other words, since he left town, I really haven't cared WHAT his story currently is. But I know that to demonstrate true apathy would only escalate his behavior....he would no doubt DO something to prove to himself that his behavior still has impact on me. So now I'M the one that says all the right things. I keep maintaining that he has an "open door" to the kids and that my current partner "has no desire" to take his place as "dad". In reality, my s/o IS their father at this point. He provides a large chunk of their physical needs and takes care of them monetarily as much as I do. But my ex N is happy with the answers I provide and secure that his position is not being violated. Anyway, my point was to share his recent disclosure. He calls one day last week to say that he "got a job offer....in Florida" Now, nevermind the fact that the logistics of just HOW he would even be in a position to get an offer there make no sense. I went along with it. He said that he hadn't made a decision yet and that he was weighing the pro's and con's. A little background, if I may. When this man left the state 6 weeks ago, he left me a letter going on and on about how "I know you don't think I'm coming back, but I would never move away from my children for long." Uh huh....riiiight. I couldn't help myself. I reminded him of that very letter. His response was, ofcourse, that this move would be FOR the children. To secure their financial stability and help me with the financial obligation of raising them. Riiiiiight, again. When I pointed out that while he might consider the supposed salary to be a good one, he would still have not one, not two, but THREE child support cases that came before MY children's needs...he said that ofcourse he had thought of that and figured it into the equation. The main point now is that his salary would escalate and he would eventually become part owner of this fictional establishment. (I really am laughing inside at this point folks) Now, I know that the lame leopard of NPD does NOT change his spots. Therefore I see this new opportunity for what it is. He has met another victim for narcissistic supply and she just so happens to live in Florida. Another online conquest no doubt. People, against my better judgement, I went ahead and let him know that this is EXACTLY why he is going. He found a new, more believable (so he thought) lie for this as well. That, "No, it isn't about a woman. I'm actually proud of myself for that." See that folks? By ADMITTING that as his past pattern, he thinks it lends credibility to the lie! At one time, it may have worked. Unfortunately for him, I'm no longer fooled by even his most cleverly constructed deceptions . I got tired of laughing inside without being able to laugh out loud and feigned belief. Enough was enough. I told him it sounded like he knew what he was doing and realized that that much was true. I, on the other hand was going to blow the best thing to happen since the hell that was my marriage ended. HE'S LEAVING! We will now be able to raise these kids in peace and without interference. He keeps claiming that his visits will be just a flight away and frequent. But we all know whats going to happen, so I'm happy.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 389 (view)

Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password! Posted: 5/28/2007 6:59:46 PM
Well, "Kelly" since you asked, for the most part I, myself, post in the same ongoing threads that I started or became a part of when I joined the site. I have one that is now 400+ pages on a very personal subject for me. An illness that someone in my life has. I've gotten a lot of info and support from some of the folks on this board. The other topics I post on are generally relationship related. Asking opinions on this or that.....much like THIS topic. For the life of me, I can't figure out WHY some people are so bothered by non-singles posting in the FORUMS of all places. Its not like we're hogging the men (or women as the case may be) and its certainly not as if our opinions or insights are any less valid for the fact that we are no longer looking for a mate. If someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. The theory that "You might cheat if someone really hot messaged you" is ridiculous. If one is the type to cheat on someone you supposedly love, you're gonna do it regardless of whether someone messages you or you have to go looking for it.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 989 (view)

older women younger men Posted: 5/28/2007 6:52:36 PM
Dreamer- I wasn't responding to anything you said at all. My post was a response to the "its about sex" answers this topic was repeating. I've read more answers talking about sex than any other reason. I don't feel thats a fair representation.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 385 (view)

Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password! Posted: 5/28/2007 9:16:54 AM
As one of the oddballs who are in a relationship and still posting here....it wouldn't be a big deal for me. I sit here and post in the forums with him literally 2 ft. away from me watching t.v. or talking. I laugh and read some of the post to him and get his opinion before I start typing. And ya, I've got his password...he uses the same one for everything. Sure, maybe he has some "secret" accounts some where, but it still boils down to trust and if thats how you're gonna think all the time, you'll drive yourself crazy and your mate will be driven away. I don't see anything wrong with her having it if she wants it..and I'm wondering why its such a big deal to the OP. If theres nothing to hide.....why not make her feel good about it AND up the trust level by sharing it? Lonelywind- I guess I would agree with what you're saying if its an obvious problem. My man trusts me and knows he has nothing to worry about as far as my posting here or blogging on the net. I mean, ofcourse, out of respect, I ASKED..."hey, do you mind if I keep posting?" His response was "I don't give a sh!t, knock yourself out" I got my guy. He got his girl. Both our profiles reflect this and I very rarely even have someone disrespect that enough to contact me with a come on. They get smacked down fairly quick if they do. And I suppose if it wasn't meant for non-singles to post in the forums..the admin. wouldn't allow it.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 983 (view)

older women younger men Posted: 5/28/2007 9:06:23 AM
Obviously there are those who only date someone younger than them for the "sex". If it takes a younger guy to hit it the right way, then I'd say your past partners weren't doing you justice. Every case is different. To always minimize it to the physical is just ridiculous. There are men AND woman who are more mature than others 10 yrs their senior. Its about the two individuals involved.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 500 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 5/28/2007 8:58:26 AM
sometimes it is AS dangerous to believe someone is suffering from one disorder when in fact they may have something other than the one we believe they have, what this does is limit any help/options we or others may be able to give. While I suppose I would technically agree with this....I'd like to point out that for anyone who even THINKS, theorizes, or has a passing thought that this is the disordersomeone in their lives is suffering from, all the points here remain valid. Run. Get away. Divorce them. Cut them off. Its not my job to help him. I dare say, its not any victim's fault to "help" their attacker, which is exactly what this equates to. The psychological kidnapping and esteem rape that these people commit is as real as any crime. I don't think a layman's diagnosis is harmful to them....I mean, its not like they believe us anyway. "Help" from us isn't what they need. Even if it was at one point, it was a complete and total waste of my time and a danger to my children to even make the attempts that I did. I don't care what name it needs to go by...by his very nature, the man is capable of pure evil. If he needs help, he better take his ass to a professional. Thats his right. MY right is to call a spade a spade by my own definitions. The reality is that even while its a very difficult disorder to diagnose, its NOT my job or my problem TO diagnose. I really don't give a crap if I'm right or wrong and I wasn't going to wait around for a second opinion. After I spoke to a therapist, and added in my own experiences with the man...compared them to every article and research publication I could find....I MYSELF diagnosed him and was done with it. I think to require more is to ....well, put ourselves in the position of waiting for permission to get these people out of our lives. Reminds me of his mother...I think until SHE hears something irrefutable, she will always believe the lies and REFUSE to believe he is capable of the things he has done. The fact that it might never happen isn't going to keep her from wasting her time, money and resources.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 271 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/26/2007 12:02:55 AM
Dare2care- you were so nice in your post, I'd give ya a virtual smack on the cheek if I could. As it is, I'll say that you phrased your response in a way that acknowledged the "slight" of what was said to the OP here....but still showed your disagreement of my take on her words. I can respect that. I guess perhaps the word that suits best here is....ignorant. The woman in question showed her COMPLETE and total ignorance and made herself look unflattering as far as I'm concerned. You make a good point in comparing it to the woefully illogical statement made in that part of the film (Platoon). Who knows what made her use that word..."ewww" WHAT??? I'd have to say it was "Eew, I'm too ignorant to talk to a person instead of a color." I've, ofcourse, heard the saying you mentioned..."once you go black....". I've found it diminishes the individuality of black women and men as a race.....not to mention a little sad. With that, we perpetuate the very stereotypes we fight. As far as not dating outside one's race making one a racist....no, it doesn't ofcourse. THAT would depend on a person's reasons for it.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 268 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/24/2007 6:49:45 PM
^^^ OK, so I have to point out that as individuals the ONLY thing we have to form an opinion of anything about another person is there words and actions. Because of the format here...a discussion board, words are the only medium of communication ANY of us has to base our posts, opinions, views.....its all word-reaction. I don't know this shrew, and should someone point her out to me in a crowd I'd probably walk the other way before she handed me an "eww" and I had to pop her one. Mine is simply one opinion in an 20 odd page discussion. I get to have one, and even post about it just like everyone else has been doing for MONTHS here. I don't even have to be right since theres no way anyone can prove I am or aren't. Thats the beauty of opinion.....there is no right or wrong. I think the way she phrased her response gives reason to suspect a deeper "issue" with African Americans. Again, my opinion. I shared it, pointing out supporting reasons and logic FOR said opinion. Just as my personal opinion is that you, Drg, are making way too many excuses for her behavior. But its your right to defend her response AND to have an opinion of your own about it. I don't get to tell you that you're using "poor" judgement to base your opinion on(even though thats exactly what you just told me).....I don't even get to tell you that your vehement defense of the nasty remark she made brings to mind the words "thou doest protest too much". She isn't paying my bills, feeding my kids, warming my bed or taking care of my mama. So, as far as I'm concerned her backward, RACIST, asinine, judgemental, ignorant (you get the point) a$$ can go crawl under a rock and share her views of my people with the insect population. In fact, as far as I'm concerned anyone who said that can take the first A-train straight to hell. Thats MY opinion. And FORUMSONLY....you missed my point, so I'll restate. Her "eww, no" didn't say "I don't date black people because I'm a racist." No indeed it did not. The "eew, no" said "I don't date black people because I find there is something disgusting about them." Whether that is physical, mental, or otherwise, that says racist to me. It doesn't have to for everyone....and I'm not about to sit her and profess that its only because I'm a black person because I've seen plenty of white people post here with the same reaction that I have. But thats my take on what she said. It just is. I think that making this remark innocent is the equivalent of choosing to think there are no real racist on the site...and thats just not true. There are plenty. And I've had to have racist behavior actually pointed out to me at times because I'm such a friggin Pollyanna and wasn't raised to think about it overmuch. And my final thought on all this talk about "the race card". I WILL say in this instance that if someone had ever truly experienced being hated this way....black OR white...if you had ever had your child blatantly discriminated against, lost a job, been denied a job....overheard a conversation...its not a "card" for most people. Don't let the cries of some mislead. Its very real, and its not a game for those of us forced to play. This is just how I feel about what she said and the OP's original question. We're all entitled.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 486 (view)

How do you feel about interacial dating? Posted: 5/24/2007 11:04:55 AM
Plums, what in the world of all thats holy would you know about my "match"? You've never been able to match me ....WHAT THE HELL are you talking about? I feel like the caveman on the GEICO commercial. "Whaaat?" I don't care WHAT you stated all those months...and months...and months ago. You started in on me right after I said I dated white men. 1 + 1 = 2.......so its not difficult to figure out. Obvious you may have read, but not comprehended my posts. Stick to the material and put on your big girl panties and deal. You sound ridiculous and I'm fairly certain the rest of the posters here are sick of our little personal battle. So I'll save time and answer the next 5 lil' comebacks you have for me. Here ya go... "I know what you are but what am I?" "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me" "Bite me" "Eat my shorts." I feel 8 yrs old again...NOW we're contemporaries. Beatles- in the immortal words of Charlie Brown's teacher.."Wah wah wah wah..wah wah wah...". Got it? Good. Cuz this has gotten beyond ridiculous. You love black women for all the right reasons, ok? You are completely vindicated and just in your thoughts, actions, preferences, decisions ad nauseum.....ok? I swear, I don't care enough about one dude's opinion to keep at this, so get the last word and lets move on. I've got some new opinions to post in some other topics. Jewel--methinks someone has gotten turned down one too many times. Either way, he hasn't come back to clarify what he said, so I guess thats that.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 265 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/24/2007 10:56:59 AM
The "eeeeeew, no" comment was not racist in my opinion Well, ofcourse not in your opinion. But saying that you find an entire race's facial features "unattractive"...well, I won't say thats racist, but the statement in and of itself isn't attractive either. I can't see myself EVER saying that I find an entire race of people unattractive. It just doesn't make sense...I mean, have I seen every person of that race? I feel the need to quote a man we could all learn from here....well, at least put my own spin on it. UGLY is as ugly does...as well as stupid. Thank you Forest. Pamela, the situation you described as happening to you is completely different. THAT guy was just being an ass. Drg...we both know thats not what the person in question said or meant. C'mon man. Sometimes people are just mean spirited and hateful. Period. Unless you know this chick, I'd say that we could all just chalk her attitude up to being a class A b!tch. Period.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 261 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/23/2007 9:58:53 PM
OK so you feel that a persons preference makes them racist. Wow...where did you come up with THAT from what I keep saying? I feel that a person who finds the idea of dating a particular race DISGUSTING (as signified by her use of the term "eww") to be racist. And "when it comes down to it" is NEVER what a person actually said. Its someone else's interpretation of what was said. But anyway, had she simply said any NUMBER of things in response to reflect her lack of attraction....it would have been fine. Here are some examples of what a NON racist response might have been: "No, I don't find myself attracted to black men." "No, I don't." (simple and to the point) "I've never met a black man I cared to date." "Thanks for your interest, but no, I don't currently date black men and don't see it changing right now." I could go on forever. The point being that her use of a derogatory euphamism...."EWWWW" means that she finds SOMEthing about dating someone black abhorrent, distasteful...just plain nasty. We are not some sub-species..and while she has EVERY right to date and be attracted to whichever race she chooses it still makes her a racist to think that dating a black man is disgusting, nasty, gross, beneath her, solely by virtue of his being black. And in my experience, the only people that think of someone saying they have been discriminated against should always be thought of as "playing the race card" are those who have never experienced it first hand. It hurts. It really does. Its not a game, or the OJ trial, or something to be thrown out at every slight. Its real, no matter if your black, white, or other.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 482 (view)

How do you feel about interacial dating? Posted: 5/23/2007 9:48:19 PM
Beatles, your half assed apology wasn't worth the use of the word. NOW we get to your true feelings....you just wanted to vent anyway, so glad you did it. I COULD carry on, but you have done a good enough job of making yourself look like the business end of a horse. Oh, and have it your way. I won't accept your apology then. Does THAT satisfy? Oh, hell..nevermind. Don't want another excuse for you to talk to me. Gypsy, I can respect someone with your attitude. I wish more people shared it, but this thread has brought out a lot of ....thinly concealed hate. I guess the folks who say they are just "being real" should get points for honesty. But I stil find myself saddened by their views. Jewel, what WAS that dude talking about anyway? I feel for any black man who can, even jokingly, refer to himself or anyone else for that matter, as "jungle man". And ya....sounded a wee bit bitter.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 257 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/23/2007 8:26:31 AM
Drg, I'm not seeing the question as "insecure". I see it as polite. Not to mention, necessary in some situations. I've had plenty of men tell me that they didn't want to "waste my time" if it turned out I didn't even date outside my race. I don't think someone asks out of ....well, an attempt to corner a person into saying what they want to hear. And her response was clear. The rejection WAS racially motivated. I'm not one to cry racism at every turn, but this one seems obvious. He didn't say it was racially motivated....he posed the question to the board ASKING IF it was. And quite clearly, it was indeed. I have no doubt had he asked her straight up "Hey, are you saying no becasue I'm black?" the answer would have been a resounding "Yes!" And probably followed by her emptying the contents of her stomach on her keyboard. I guess it would be nice to not have to think about it...whether or not someone you think you could be interested in will not return that interest because of your race. But I'm just saying that I've been there. In a situation where I KNOW what I'm bringing to the table....but still have to wonder if I won't even get a shot at showing it because I'm rejected right off the jump because he doesn't date black women. It happens.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 471 (view)

How do you feel about interacial dating? Posted: 5/23/2007 8:17:17 AM
So...you're now actually chastising me for my lack of proper forum etiquette? I'm sorry. I had no idea there were rule regarding how to type someone's screen name here if you are directing a comment toward them. Silly, silly me. But I'll take the apology since its a discussion board, and as such doesn't mitigate tearing people or their opinions to shreds. Thats just dumb. I'm assuming we all real lives here. As to this: even "PLUM" thought my position was legit, too. Plums hates me and has since I posted my preference for caucasion men and gave an anecdote about my current relationship. Believe me, this is not paranoia on my part. She generally pops in anytime she see's my name on the boards with one of her oh so clever (my tongue is firmly in my cheek here) observations on either my character, physical form or whatever else she can think of to insult at the time. Its been noted by other users in the past...and I had thought perhaps her constant attempts to bait me were over once I left the boards for a few months. Evidently she was overcome with joy to see me back . One can only presume this is due to some personal void. Really, who knows? Not hugged enough as a child...hugged TOO much. Its really not for me to say. But she's up my butt firmly enough to alert me as to any irregularity I might experience, so I laugh it off most days. And this only because she doesn't provide me with sufficient challenge to bother with more direct attempts to "get back" at her. She co-signs...whenever someone else seems to disagree with me. I'm assuming that, too, is due to a lack of something or another. But anyway, I'm sorry if my post was unclear and it came across in a manner which I did not intend. Thanks for the apology. We're very grown up, aren't we?

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 255 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 5/22/2007 6:00:56 PM
I'm sorry, but the "eww" which proceeded the "no" makes it something else entirely. When I say "eww" its because I find something disgusting, abhorrent.....distasteful enough to pull a face and be offended by the idea. THAT is offensive...and somewhat, no, to hell with it, VERY racist. She could have simply stated "No, I don't find myself attracted to black men." and that would be that. No offense implied with that. But"Ewww, no"???? Screw her.

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 976 (view)

older women younger men Posted: 5/22/2007 5:58:12 PM
Wow. Can't it just be a case of two people meeting and being into each other? I mean, does it always have to be that someone was singled out BECAUSE of their age? I'm 36 (and damn fine, so no, I don't need a younger man to make me "feel good" about myself") and my S/O is 25. He is the most mature, grounded, moral male I've met in my life......and that includes my ex husband who is 34. No contest in terms of maturity level. Sure, we live in a society that makes you question the right or the wrong of it, and I did at first. Almost didn't give the guy a chance and ALMOST missed out on the best thing to happen to me other than the birth of my children. It has nothing to do with ANYthing other than the feelings we shared from the beginnning. A meeting of the minds, a physical attraction, and like values. Thats it. And if someone finds love, no matter what age it comes in, I'd really suggest they grab it. Ya, I know some might say that the age diff for us isn't as big a gap as it is for some, but still...does it really matter?

quadmom

Joined: 11/6/2006

Msg: 777 (view)

Circumsized or not circumsized Posted: 5/22/2007 5:47:32 PM
Wow, Jessikaowl...I feel for the poor man who procreates with you! Dang! Is that really fair? I mean...NO ONE suffered more during pregnancy than I did carrying four babies at once. But I would never say their father had no say in the decisions that impact our children's lives. That is just.....well, wrong IMO. By the same token, I wouldn't base a medical decision for my children solely on what their father had done either. That doesn't seem quite right to me either. But damn...men have a say in the same medical decisions for their children as we do. And thats assuming that the man in question is present and a participant in the child's life.

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