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curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Is this really happening again? Posted: 11/22/2009 4:49:11 PM
So you have dug your nails into that one "hope" that he will come around. Okay - lets look at this. You are waiting "patiently" for him to see your worth. He cant see it. You have shown it over and over - he STILL cant see it. You KNOW he loves you otherwise - why not test that by NOT going back. You are his fallback girl - when he has exhausted every other possiblity with someone else he comes back to you. YOU see it as love. HE sees it as convienence. You can not show your worth to someone who is blind to it. He CHOOSES not to see it. So - personality problem with him - yeah probably and you are holding on to the one shred of hope he will see the light. Personality problem with you - yeah, you are allowing his behavior towards you. Are you not worth more- is your fear of being alone so great that you would let someone treat you like something they can rub thier shoes on? I think its time for you to go no contact. Find what is wrong that you are willing to put up with this bad bahavior. Every woman and man wants to be loved. You have ended up with an emotional abuser and you are frozen by his abuse to do anything about it because you feel this is what you deserve. You deserve so much better than this treatment. No contact.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Maroni's Sauce and Meatballs Posted: 11/18/2009 5:51:59 PM
I was actually posting from my blackberry and did not want to type out all that is involved so I just used the "italian seasoning" thing. So here it is - chopped up basil very fine, I usually buy dry and put it in my chopper - I freeze some basil and sometimes use that. I also crush bay leaf. Oregano and a pinch of thyme. Is that more specific for you and regarding the "italian" was never said- well in MY defense when you make a post about "sauce and meatballs" would not the whole WORLD assume he meant italian???? Sorry about the horn twisting there. Maybe because its from an Italian Girl who lives and breathes italian food.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

what is the reason for ... Posted: 11/18/2009 5:10:42 PM
My insight - he is setting you up. He wants to see if you are okay with it first. Then he is going to take it to the webcam or the phone. Will he meet you - probably not. He just wants to get his balls off. He is probably some guy in his Moms basement who touches himself everytime he talks to you. Is he a perv - well if you are into it then no. Any guy who tells you in conversation without meeting him that he is masturbating or masterbates alot is way too much info for a stranger. Thats what you are- an object to him for his pleasure. More freaks on the web then you can count.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

2nd chance... yes or no Posted: 11/18/2009 4:08:28 PM
okay a couple ppl posted while I was writing the one right before me is not crazy i am talking about the lady whose talking about him only coming back because he is horny Amber honey - the crazy lady is probably right. I think she has probably been in the dating pool long before you stuck your toe in it. OP - What he did to you - you know, the rent, going out with his buds, acting like a frat boy with no responsibility - remember that guy? Remember how you felt that night? Remember how he didnt give a shit, gave you a hard time and told you to go fcck yourself? Yeah well that guy - is still the same guy. People dont change over night. They have to WANT to change. Do this - Tell him you will DATE him - you will see other people because you need him to be a responsible guy. See how he reacts - if he cares he will not step over your boundries. He will honor your words, prove that he has changed. Dont let him live with you - take it slow if you want. Let him prove he is worthy of you. Dont give into anything, including SEX. Just see what he does - now, I will bet you dinner he will be able to do this for a month and will revert back to the ***hole. Why you ask???? Because people have patterns - his pattern with you is that you have always taken his shit. So - go date other guys. You already know what he is all about and really dont you want someone who is responsible WITHOUT having to teach them how? Unless you want to raise a grown child then move back in with him.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 47 (view)

The BEST crockpot recipes...please post yours~ Posted: 11/18/2009 3:55:18 PM
Okay - I made the "To die for roast" with the seasoning packets and it came out awesome. I will deffinately make it again. My next try is going to be Slow Cooker Thanksgiving Turkey Breast with Stuffing That SparklingRose posted here - my favorite dinner in the whole world is turkey and stuffing. The only Holiday I really can tolerate. Now another contribution: Pulled Pork - Pork Tenderloin - 2lbs. 1 can or bottle of rootbeer or coke- I used rootbeer and I used about a half a liter bottle. I covered the whole tenderloin in it. Your favorite barbeque sauce - or homemade Put the pork in the crockpot. Pour the soda over it. Cover and cook for 6 to 7 hours on low. Remove the pork - shred the pork with a fork. Dump out the soda. Put the shredded pork back in with your favorite sauce. Cook on low for about an hour. Grab a bun. Load it up and eat. Stuff is good. God I love my crockpot. I never used one until a few months ago. I make everything in it.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Maroni's Sauce and Meatballs Posted: 11/18/2009 4:32:06 AM
Boo ! Baked meatballs- that's not Italian. What are you half amidigani (American in case you don't know). The sciscca way. Fry in olive oil. That's the right way. Add some fennel seed to your meatball base. That's a meatball. Oh. And use beef, pork and veal. Not straight ground beef. One egg. Breadcrumb. Fresh parsley. Locatelli cheese. Italian seasoning. Salt and pepper. Fennel seed. Chopped up garlic. There. Vivians meatballs. I will post my sauce recipe later. Some Italians do pass off whole tomatoes As sauce. That's marinara. Not sauce. Sauce has paste and tomato puree. I'm sure it was good. Anything is good with a price tag. The proper way to learn this stuff is to find yourself a little old italian lady who stands about four foot two with a bun in her head an apron and orthopedic shoes. That's a teacher of sauce and meatballs. These foodie people need to take lessons from her. We are losing the old way of making things with these neuvo cooking skills.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

freinds with the ex Posted: 11/17/2009 5:42:29 PM
well it is about time you learned to work things out... what confuses me though is how come you did not do this when you were together...you know like when ir really mattered! Yeah - Im thinking this too. Now we will hear from all the people who will shove down our throats- "we are better at being friends" Yeah okay. OP- No. I choose not to be friends- actually They are all dead to me. Being in a relationship is being thier friend too. One component you missed while in a relationship - so now you have found it. Good for you - have a good time being her friend.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 1244 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 11/17/2009 5:08:37 PM
So you are saying a narcissist mirrors who they are with? My ex bf was super romantic in the beginning of our relationship, told me he loved me, wanted to marry me, then he became disinterested, changed his tune & said he could never be in love. Then started blaming me for all my faults, telling me he couldn't be with me because I was needy, clingy, etc. I hope you are not beating yourself up over this very ill man- you KNOW its HIM. Its all about him. Even if he has no diagnosis as a narcissist he is still displaying the TRAITS of this personality disorder. Yeah its wonderful, isnt it - well thats until they decide to devalue you and start to ignore you and your needs because it really is all about them and satisfying them which pretty much last about five minutes. During this devalue this is when they start to pick at all YOUR faults - everything thats wrong with you - your body parts that dont equate into thier view of perfectness, like they are- I think the best part is when they leave you - they will go with ANYTHING - they are not choosy - as long as it is supply. Yeah they have the nerve to pick on whats wrong in thier EYES with YOU. God forbid you should be as low as they are and start picking at THIER faults - but then again, you SEE no faults because you are so in love with them. They have no faults except thier incredible low self esteem of themselves which they mirror back to you and leave you with - feeling bad about yourself. Best thing he did was leave you - I know it left you there standing wondering "what the fcck" but really he has given you the biggest gift in the world this holiday season. I know you may not feel this way right now- I know you probably miss pretend guy but always rememeber- it was all pretend. As others have told you here and I may add they ALL know what they are talking about here - he was mirroring you. Great in the beginning - you thank the heavens for finding the man of your dreams - he slowly starts to turn into your worst nightmare. Get away - he is giving you an out. NO CONTACT. Nothing. Change everything. Make a new life and if you have to get some therapy. They leave you with some nasty psychological crap. Also - great places to talk and vent on the web where you can talk to other women and you will see you are not the only one with this drama. Good luck and stay No Contact.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Interested in your thoughts about this... Posted: 11/16/2009 3:58:42 PM
I might sound naive to you guys but she only lied once and only because she knew that this will make me upset and i will make a bigger deal out of this. Before you start saying "ohh you are blind and all" Let me just say that ive been through enough relationships to know when someone is lying to me and when someone using me, when someone is hiding something or not interested in me. So......... If you know it all why are you here asking us? You know it all. You are willing to have a relationship with someone with no character -she lied - what do you think - the lies wont get bigger to "protect" you and your feelings? So you know everything. You have been in enough relationships to know when someone is yanking your chain - You think she is yanking? I sure do. Maybe if she yanks even harder you will COMPROMISE your character, integrity and everything that makes you, you alittle more. Yeah - I think you should stay with her, I mean hey, she only lied to protect you. By lying to you I feel that she only has YOUR best interest at heart - Not her own. No I dont think this has anything to do with the kind of girl she is. She probably does not even know she lies half the time. Its like second nature. Yeah - ask her to marry you.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

How would you take this? Posted: 11/16/2009 4:18:01 AM
Your not anything. You have feelings and long distance makes those feelings overwhelming because you don't have that physical thing. You only have words. You have no actions. Actions are what you see. Words are cheap. He can say anything and you will believe it because its all you have. Long distance when involving different countries is a huge challenge. Even bigger when the other person is just half hearted into doing the real work like meeting. What do you do- get out of fantasy land. He has no plans of being with you. He could be using the old girlfriend feelings As an excuse. No contact. Heal. Find yourself and start concentrating on why you have a need to connect with someone so far away. We tend when they are far and we have not met them to believe they are someone they are not. I'm betting he is more fantasy then reality. Get out and get on with your life. You are wasting your time because his life may be something totally different then what he has presented to you. Now you are demanding things he cannot deliver so its time to let you down easy. Many people are not what they present in a situation like this. I know you have feelings but those feelings are for pretend guy. Get back in reality.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

cheating, how prevalent is it? Posted: 11/15/2009 6:38:40 PM
NEVER trust an animal that can bleed for seven days and still not die! Thats right. Never ever trust us. OP - cheating. hmmmm.... You work at Walmart dont you? God man. I am so fccking sick of cheating. I am so fccking sick of blowing smoke about cheating. These people suck. They just suck. They need thier own planet.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

I saw my ex's new woman/I don't know what I feel Posted: 11/15/2009 5:30:33 PM
You are stuck because you are still looking for validation from him - a man who has total disregard for your feelings. A man who could give a shit after 25 years of how you feel. A man who could care less - the only thing that matters is his selfishness and you losing weight to "fit"into his world. YOU want into his world? And why in all that is holy are you continueing to drive and do things for this guy??? Get away from him. Period. No contact. No nothing. Get on with your life - he is a weight around your neck and in order to heal your self esteem from his emotional and mental abuse and the NOW abuse from his new victim you have to stay away and find a new path.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

how to get over it! Posted: 11/15/2009 8:57:45 AM
Anicca and her post here is heaven sent to you. I could not have said it better myself. Not you. Him. Someday you will look back on this and try to figure out what you saw. You saw nothing. All lies and manipulation and if its any consulation many of us have been where you are standing. Even us older, should know better girls. Read her post over and over. No contact. Heal. You will replay it and that's all part of healing process. Missing him or not understanding why this has happened has nothing to do with how much you loved him but just means how sensitive you are and how his behavior has affected you.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

The BEST crockpot recipes...please post yours~ Posted: 11/14/2009 7:06:36 PM
I made this today and it turned out excellent - I was very pleased. If you like Pea Soup then this is for you - Its the California Pizza Kitchen Smashed Pea and Barley Soup - Done in a crock pot. I have a 5 quart crock pot. Im sure you can do this in a smaller one. 2 cups of split peas 1/2 cup of barley 3 cans of chicken or vegtable broth - 14.5 oz cans or 6 cups 2 1/2 cans of water 1/2 onion minced 1 clove of garlic minced 2 teaspoons of lemon juice 1 teaspoon of salt 1 teaspoon of sugar 1/4 teaspoon of parsley - I used dry 1/4 teaspoon of white pepper pinch of thyme - I used a 1/2 teaspoon and it came out good 2 medium carrots diced -(about one cup) more if you like carrots 1/4 cup celery diced - I used three ribs Rinse the beans. Put them in the bottom of your pot. Layer the barley then put the celery, carrots and onion. Add your spices, garlic and lemon. Add the liquid. Cook on high for the first hour. Set to low for 6+ hours. It comes out thick and wonderful. Vegetarian and if you use vegtable broth it becomes vegan. I was actually very pleasantly surprised. I hope whoever tries it is suprised too.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

The Ex Posted: 11/14/2009 4:15:11 PM
People have patterns. These patterns were established a long time ago for him. Will he change - he will change for the time it takes to get you BACK to being what he wants you to be. When he has you locked back into the girl you were with him he will revert back to his pattern. His mask will slip and he will be the man he is and will always be. He will be nothing more than the loser he is. Do you want to subject yourself to this emotional abuse again. He has done it in the past. He has no respect for your relationship. What makes you think he has it now - you think he found it somewhere- No. He has just perfected his art in manipulation of you - he is manipulating you emotionally and mentally. He is abusing you very subtly and you are not even aware of it. You do this - you DO NOT move. You DO NOT do anything. Sit on your hands. Let him PROVE he has changed. Give him a deadline. Give him time to find a job and establish himself - give him time to SHOW YOU he has changed. In the meantime, have your baby and raise your daughter in a conductive environment CLOSE to YOUR FAMILY. Do NOT do anything. Make him DO THE WORK on himself and SHOW you he is doing this work - do not enter this blindly, move in and EXPECT the change to happen while you are there- it wont. Dont even CONSIDER moving that precious little girl into a home with a sex offender. You are just asking to be on the news. He has many issues - you cant fix him. He can only fix himself. I know you love him and are empathetic to his plight - do not mistake feeling sorry for someone for love. He knows the kind of woman you are and he is BETTING on you to feel you need to do this. Dont do this. Stay with your family and let him fix himself - if given enough rope, Im betting and I am the betting kind of girl - he WILL fcck up with you again.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

EX'S... wtf man??? Why is this so flippin hard? Posted: 11/13/2009 3:17:15 AM
Just so you know Danny-no one is posting here with malice. Just experience. I think we have all done the second chance thing and we have all had the same ending result. Its great again in the beginning but then the same issues come into play again. We are just trying to save you some more heartbreak. That's all. You can romanticise it all you want. We are just trying to help you out. If you are one of the lucky ones, then we wish you well but unfortunately when something breaks, no amount of glue from the heart will restore it. If you are so inclined As to give a second chance, then I wish you well. I'm sure we will all be here again to help you out.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

The betrayal of my ex haunts me.... Posted: 11/11/2009 3:36:48 PM
Charlie honey - you were emotionally abused. This guy could have been any guy. It just happened to be him. SHE did this to you - she CHOSE to cheat with him. He did not twist her arm. Yeah he made himself available to her- but really Charlie if she is any kind of woman then she would have never done this to you to begin with. She is devoid of character, integrity, honor and strength. She is weak. She is selfish. I feel that you need someone to talk too. I feel that you are experiencing some form of post traumatic stress due to the emotional abuse you were subjected too. I know you like to come here and talk - I also know that this playing over in your head is really part of your body purging the toxins of what you felt. It really is a part of the healing process. You really need to focus on YOU. No contact. Please you must live for YOU - you need to see that she means nothing now and you mean everything and your recovery is very important. Please stop contact. Please stop listening to her crap. She is not for you. She does not deserve you. Tell me Charlie - Do you really need validation from a cheater and a liar of the man that you are? You are a kind man - a man that feels. Dont let that ever change because of someone who could not see your worth. We see your worth - and we see you are worth so much more than this selfish, cheating, lying cnt.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

EX'S... wtf man??? Why is this so flippin hard? Posted: 11/11/2009 12:52:07 PM
Are you going to change your lifestyle? Your job? Then things will not change. She may be accepting for a while but then crap will creep in again. I don't care how gorgeous she is. I am quite gorgeous and have done things that my guys did not know about. You were the first to get through the top layer of ice. Okay. If you want to justify to yourself that you can live with this because she is gorgeous and you believe everything she says including the virgin thing then by all means go for it. These are deffinately valid reasons to close your eyes to the problems from the past. I'm sure they will never come up again. Go for it. Miss gorgeous deserves all your trust and you know- I even believe her too.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

EX'S... wtf man??? Why is this so flippin hard? Posted: 11/11/2009 9:23:26 AM
You guys are 22. She abandoned you to find some strange. She is having a lull right now in her search. She loves you. She KNOWS you love her. She will spend time with you, make empty promises to you and will leave. Again. She left the first time. Why? She hasn't changed in this short period of time. Neither have her reasons for leaving the first time. You have two choices- Be alone by yourself and find what you need. Be alone in a relationship with her waiting for her to find an excuse to leave again. I can tell you I love you too. Sometimes they are empty words.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 92 (view)

What do you make of this? Is this BPD? Posted: 11/10/2009 5:53:17 PM
Regardless of what he has - IF he is showing TRAITS of any personality disorder, be it narcissism, borderline, sociopath - really - if he is treating you as though you feel that you should watch what you say to him, not take up too much of his time, or just act like a hair in his as s why even put yourself through it. Okay yeah, you like him but really if you are a "fixer" kind of girl, this probably is a job left to someone else. You cant fix him - you cant make him WANT to be the man you want. You want someone who is much more compatable to you - he is too much work - like pulling teeth - punishing you for things you say or do. Really look at this - yeah he may be this great guy 10% of the time but the other 90% you are having to do all the work - is this what you want? Relationships are easy. When you are with someone who is there for you they are easy. You work for a common goal and that is to get to know each other, have fun together and fall in love. You are doing all the work. You are wanting things from him he cannot give you and probably cant give them to anyone. So - hmmm what do we do - well that is up to you. If you like being emotionally abused by him then you should stay - MAYBE SOMEDAY - he will come to his senses and see what a great girl you are or you can walk away and see if he really wants you to be part of his life. See the problem with us is that we see that 10% and we want it soo freaking bad - we want what he is that 10% all the time so we dig our nails into him hoping he will be that guy that we got a glimpse of - well, usually the 90% guy is who they really are.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

The one you love has a new love.... Posted: 11/8/2009 5:38:52 PM
What is this crap about THIER happiness -who gives a rats a s s if they are happy or not or even living. The goal is to become indifferent. To not even care. Why is she less of a person because she does not wish him happiness? Does it make her less? Does it take away from her? No - it makes her a woman who has loved deeply and completely. He on the other hand used that love against her . To fullfill whatever he needed from her and to then cast her aside. What is wrong with her pain - is this not called "Broken Hearts" ? Why do people come here and badger others for HOW they feel - is she not allowed to feel this way - is she not allowed to express herself? And whose business is it if she does it over and over. She is hurting. It is irrelevant how she should BEHAVE. She is hurting and has every right to reach out to us that care for her. We all feel on different levels. Some feel very very deeply. Sometimes it is very hard to just "shake it off". What has happened to empathy, compassion for your fellow man? No - you come here and hurt her and abuse her even more with your callous words to her instead of seeing her pain. You have now turned this thread into exactly what you wanted it to be - You have caused her to have to come here and DEFEND her pain - so you could point at her and say "ahhhah!!! See - she is a very bitter, man hating woman. Some of you here are really heartless. OP - yeah the one I love has a new love. Had her all lined up before he left. He also has a personality issue and other issues which he drowns out. My feelings -let her deal with him now. He is still the same man he was before and will always be that man. I, like you loved him fiercely. Completely. Sometimes its not enough and makes no difference. All I can do is learn. Look for the signs and find someone who is as passionate about me as I am about them.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 200 (view)

When is the last time you cryed ? Why do we cry ? Posted: 11/8/2009 5:15:57 PM
So we drove all the way to Toronto in total silence.When he dropped me off at my apartment he said im sorry i hurt you.What would any of you do in this situation? Tell him to go fcck himself - but he obviously does that on a daily basis in just his treatment of you. Dont look back - look forward. He is verbally and emotionally abusive. Just think what could have been. If you are going to cry, cry tears of joy that you know what a fccktard he is. If someone cannot accept you for you and all that you are, then he is not worth accepting one ioda of what he is. Including his need to hurt you. He is sorry - My Mother always says, "the best word is the word unsaid".

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Need help caught gf Posted: 11/6/2009 5:25:53 PM
There was alot of heart put into me sneaking out at night and calling her during my desert training, spending every moment i could running ontop of a hill just to get reception to call her, and she would be so happy. By the time we met it felt like we've already known eachother. God you are adorable. I wish I was 23 again. Oh your problem, right - okay. Well - She is YOUNG - she LOVES the attention. She has this hot soldier boy paying attention to her - hmmm. Lets see what else is out there, you know, he is going away for at least a year right??? You are so cute and I feel so sorry that she is acting her age. She is you know. YOU are also deploying - I also know you feel real close to her- YOU are being deployed you know. I also know its going to be very hard for you to know what is really going on with her and those trust issues are a ****. YOu are being deployed you know. Get it yet. YOUR service comes first. YOUR SAFETY comes first. Worrying about this girl who you SWEAR "gets" you like no other girl is actually a figment of your imagination. It takes a very strong mature woman to wait for her man. Believe me, alot goes on with this situation. Some women and men are loyal. They wait. Some are weak and through no fault of thier own when they are involved with military - fcck up. She is young. You will never know. So - thats where trust comes in - Can you trust her? So - whats your gut telling you???? Go with that. It never lies. Best of luck honey. Come back and if you can, let us know how you are doing by posting on the forums if you can. PS - dont listen to the "dear John" crap. Plenty of us have been there and did not desert our man when he had to go away, or cheat or anything.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

In Love after two weeks? Posted: 11/4/2009 5:39:26 PM
Im going to just throw this out there- personality disorder. Addiction - declaring love very fast blah blah blah. Romantic narcissist. Sorry. Sweeps you off your feet -well actually hypnotizes you with all the great sex. Tells you all these wonderful things about yourself. Gets you hooked. Makes excuses NOT to see you - abandons you - comes back. on and on. He may very well be genuine but because of his spilling his guts over his past- probably something she really would see as a red flag but isnt - means he is weaving her into his web, getting her to accept things she would normally not. Its like a hit and run. Let me know when he disapears. Oh yeah one more thing- not seeing her but texting her constantly - monopolizing her time - her giving him all the attention. I dont know - Normally I would tell you that - hey man, let it flow. That was my first thought. Im going with my gut thought here. Wait one more thing - is he charming - yeah charming and we can talk about things and he "gets" me. Yeah all part of the web. It happens very very fast too. Good luck.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

is it wrong to want revenge?? Posted: 11/4/2009 4:49:45 PM
Yours seem so heartfelt, that they are sometimes hard to pass by without an aknowledgement of some sort. I am going to take that as a compliment. They are heartfelt. Its not wrong to want some kind of revenge. Our egos are huge, our hearts are even bigger. They shrink every time someone pulls a fast one on us and we miss it because we are blinded by our love for them.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

is it wrong to want revenge?? Posted: 11/4/2009 4:18:24 PM
^^^^^ Lime - my dearest LIME!! LOL!! No - I take nothing personal from you. Honestly. Someone said that here on the forums and I never forgot it- have been dying to use it and had the opportunity!!! Im not telling her how she should feel - I know how she feels. See, Lime - we share that bond called a vagina. So Lime, tell me- why is it that you always signal me out???? Nice picture by the way- oh yeah, OP - dont worry about revenge. His life is his revenge . Have a good one and I hope you meet a great guy that makes you not even remember his name anymore.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

is it wrong to want revenge?? Posted: 11/4/2009 3:46:33 PM
You want revenge on a self centered, arrogant, ignorant, unfaithful underachiever? You are devistatated over this? Look at his life - he is already getting his revenge. Your pride and your ego are bruised. You dont feel you were special enough - guess what- he wasnt. You are just "reacting" to what you perceive is his new found happiness. What you are failing to see is that she is now YOU. He will treat her the same shitty way and leave her the same shitty way. The best revenge - let him live his sorry life and YOU live the best and the happiest you can and get over him. As some very wise woman once said on these forums- "he is not worth the steam off your shit".

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

What's wrong with me? Posted: 11/2/2009 7:01:20 PM
You know- when you don't react then we are cold, distant or whatever. When we do react we are smothering. You know. Fcck it man. You can't Win. I am convinced some of you just don't know what you want. You whine about- " she won't touch me." " she won't do this". "she won't pay attention to me" wah wah. You cry big tears on theses forums then when we respond to your needs- show you love then its interpreted As smothering? You can't win. This is getting too hard. This sucks. Why bother. Honey- don't listen to this bullshit. Be yourself. If he interprets it As "smothering" tell him to go find himself some cold bitch who treats him like shit. Apparently you need to be a stepford or a manequin.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

What's wrong with me? Posted: 11/2/2009 6:25:35 AM
So.... Your looking for that one piece of crap that you did to blame this all on yourself. Hmmm... Your looking to find so desperately what you did wrong- oh my god! I loved him too much. Oh my god! I did everything for him including driving a long way to see HIM! Oh my god! I did everything for him- showed him CONSTANTLY how much I loved him. Soo... One day he tells you its over. Just like that. Some lame fccking excuse you were too much. Too smothering. Blah blah blah. Wake up beautiful. He is not worth you. Lots of guys love women who PAY ATTENTION to them. You did nothing. You showed your feelings. See him for what he is- a man who could not SEE your worth.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Say anything you want! Posted: 10/30/2009 6:43:24 PM
"Soooo.... how's Walmart been to ya???" I love this!!! Thank you SparklingRose!!! I know you would never mock my or any other persons pain here- You are one class act here. Thank you - I lovvvvvvvvvvvvveeee this line.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Feeling unappreciated... Posted: 10/29/2009 4:21:33 PM
Of course, these views will fly over your obtuse, narrow-minded skull as will anything that does not square with your view. You obviously have not read Charlies posting history. Maybe you should take a look at that before you plant his cross on Calgary and hang him on it. Charlie is a very sad guy who believed in love. He believed that his actions would show her how much he loved her and would make her a better person. They didnt. They caused her to do some very harmful things to Charlies self esteem and self worth. I know there are two sides to the story. I also know that people who experience emotional abuse at the hands of another usually shy away from telling thier stories because of people like you who blame the victim and dont believe that a Woman can abuse a Man - He should be strong enough to walk. Emotional, physical and mental - its all abuse. So on behalf of Charlie I would like to thank you for just instilling more abuse towards him and continueing to make him feel like it was ALL him and he is the CAUSE of all his problems - that he is a weak young man and should just walk away and get a hold of himself. SOME people who are abused by others grow an attachment to thier abusers- Like Charlie has and that is why when he posts here - alot of us listen and try to steer him in the right direction. He does not always take our advice because he is frozen by his abuse. When he has had enough he ALONE will take the right steps and get the help he needs to get back on track. But for now - we are here to help guide him - if he takes the advice then thats great but he wont until he is ready. Find a little compassion for people - We do not know what thier lives hold everyday - only our own.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Say anything you want! Posted: 10/29/2009 3:26:33 PM
Well, I guess I should give this some thought................................ ...........................F U C K Y O U.................................................... You lied to me................................F U C K Y O U......................... You cheated on me and left for some "howdy doody c &nt" Walmart whore. She can f u c k ing HAVE YOU. .....................................F U C K Y O U ........................................... I treated you like a king................................................................... .................................F U C K Y O U.................................................. I waited forever for you and this is what I a waited for- to be treated like shit ...................................................................................................... You were right - NO ONE will ever love you like I did. (thanks, that felt good. Im gonna go chain smoke now.) Edit - Hey Nudig!! LOL!!! Yeah you gotta laugh huh.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

How do you get over someone? Posted: 10/28/2009 3:43:36 PM
How do you get over someone you ask?? hmm............................. You focus on YOU - you bring the focus back to YOU. They are gone - they are living life - the life they choose which is not your concern-YOUR concern is to now start living. Whats that mean - it means you cut contact. You do nice things for yourself. You treat yourself kind. You stop beating yourself up and stop reliving the relationship over and over and over again to find that one peice that blames you for its demiss. You look at yourself - you look at the person and you SEE through your heart that they had faults, they were not perfect for YOU - they did not have your best interest at heart. You knock them off the pedestal you have placed them, get rid of the candles and roses that you have set up as a shrine to them and remove the halo from atop thier head- YOU SEE them for what they were- someone who did not see the kind, loving soul that YOU are. See them as they REALLY are - just hurtful souls who could not see your worth or value. They now have no worth or value. They suck as human beings for being so selfish as to not see what you are. Thier LOSS but someone elses wonderful gain because YOU can love. Completely and honestly - through all flaws and all issues because you are pure of heart and not looking for ways to hurt them. You pick yourself up - dust yourself off and SEE what kind of person YOU are. What YOU can bring that is great to your next relationship and you go find that woman or man that is worthy of you. There is NO time in this life to waste on people who did not see your worth. It is useless and time consuming to try to figure out WHY people do what they do - accept that people are flawed - they lie, they cheat - they do mean and hurtful things to end things. Do not waste one moment trying to figure it out. They do these things because it is the person THEY are - NOT what YOU are. Thats how you get over them.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Feeling unappreciated... Posted: 10/27/2009 5:04:39 PM
Yes Charlie. There are days for me like you, I still lick my wounds. Those days are getting fewer though because I focus on ME, my well being, accepting that this person was not fiercely loyal to me and did not have my best interest at heart. It is a hard pill to swallow when you realize someone that you loved and wanted a future with did not want the same with you. It is very hard to accept that you have been used. NOT because you are WEAK but because you are STRONG and you believe in GIVING and SHOWING your love. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Only death. Love is a chance we all take. We can either crawl back under our rock or we can retreat, get strong again and live life for ourselves. Love ourselves and be good to ourselves, not beat ourselves up for loving someone but celebrate the fact that we can love. They cant. One more thing - Everything in your relationship played out exactly how it was suppose to - you could have done nothing to prevent it. You can not make people act the way they should - everyone has a free will. She followed the only pattern she knows in how to treat others. She is a very ill young lady. It is not your job to save her. Save yourself FROM her.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Ex Posted: 10/24/2009 6:53:00 PM
Talk is cheap - He lives there right? Well his ACTIONS are telling another story. He may very well love you - he may be very confused. His confusion is his own making. You are able to walk away. I know it hurts but for you- its the only thing you can do - and are you not more important to you? Let him go - He left his family once. He will find someone else to leave them again - his girls are not his priority - HE is his priority. You just got caught in the crossfire.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Is it still cheating...with no sex? Posted: 10/24/2009 5:04:24 PM
I am glad to see that YOU see him for what he is. Very disrespectful to you and your relationship to even think that you would accept this from him as I am pretty sure he would never accept this from you. I have had this happen and it is beyond me that they actually THINK we are so stupid as not to know what is going on. Good luck to you and continue to have no contact with him. You deserve so much more than some guy who has a need to lie to you - like you were not worth the truth.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

WTF. Posted: 10/24/2009 4:15:51 PM
You would "think" they would be done with thier stupid crap like cheating, lying and that "no chemistry" bullshit. What he had - well, I dont know what he had but he wants you to feel bad about it. Dont feel bad about it and dont change. Be the wonderful, kind, loving woman you are - he just didnt feel something. I can bet he did in the beginning but probably somebody shaked thier ass in front of him and his bird did a dance he wants to explore. Better to find out now what kind of man he is. I dont know what he is but I can probably bet he does this in every relationship - starts off smoking hot and then I dont know - he gets a brain fart. Dont always think it is you and YOU need to change. Sometimes its THEM and thier stupid out of this world expectations or just that they are still in that "discovery" period in thier lives. I dont know - this age group that we are in - its rough. Its like high school dating all over again.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

We`ve split up n she lied to me about there not being anybody else Posted: 10/23/2009 4:52:39 AM
Thanks forum. See, I see it this way- Until you actually let yourself feel your feelings- anger. Sadness. Lonliness do you actually see what part they played Breakups are not always- "it takes two". Sometimes it just takes ones bad behavior to sink it. Unfortunately on these forums you hear a lot about what YOU did and how YOU screwed up too. Sometimes you don't screw up. Sometimes someone is so devious and so devoid of others feelings be it their selfishness and uncaring ways, they can throw the match all by themselves. We need to look at the whole picture- if we are only bringing peace and love to the relationship how did we screw up? Were we their doormat- fodder for them to play with? A pushover? Let them go. Heal. Take care of yourself. Sometimes it just takes one. Even if we do screw up- we are not responsible for others behaviors or reactions. They are. They choose to do what they do.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

We`ve split up n she lied to me about there not being anybody else Posted: 10/22/2009 4:03:07 PM
They PURPOSELY do this because they do not have the balls or in her case vagina to take the blame. They want you to be stuck - to wallow in your sorrow and take all the blame - relive the relationship over and over so you can find that ONE thing you did to hurt her feelings. She wants you stuck. She wants YOU to hurt. They make you feel bad, guilty, it was all your fault and they walk away and carry on with thier new life. She is nothing but a liar and a cheater - so she MADE YOU feel it was your fault. No - she is a coward. Has no integrity or character and thats what SHE is. YOU are a man of integrity and would never ever hurt her. So what do you do - NO CONTACT. None. Tell her to fcck off and have a nice life. YOU heal. YOU find that girl that is worthy of the good man that you are. She is a shitbag. SEE her for what she REALLY is and you will heal alot faster. She can not be trusted. Apparently not with your feelings. She abandoned you and lied to you so her conscience could be free from guilt. They convince themselves because they are weak people. Good luck and no contact. She does not deserve another word from your lips except - fcck you.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 105 (view)

And what was your part in it? Posted: 10/21/2009 9:37:44 AM
Lying to my face and me taking it all along knowing the truth and not standing up for myself because his lies had beat me down and I so wanted to believe he loved me. Being desperate and wanting to fix the men in the two most important relationships to me and falling in love with two men who were broken. Failing to recognize my need to fix these guys and blowing off the really good guys who were so good for me and loved me for me. Putting up with absolute crap and convincing myself this is the best I could do. My fault. Totally my fault. I own my actions in both of these relationships. I was not strong enough to walk away. I allowed both of them to do something very ugly to me and they got away with it and I retreated back to my cave.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

No Contact even though we were never actually committed?? Posted: 10/20/2009 5:19:52 PM
You know what - continue to talk to him, be his friend, be his fallback girl - ruin every chance you have with a good guy who only has eyes for you. Really - do it because you are looking for that one person to tell you what you are continually telling yourself - but you need it validated and that is he is a great guy - Here, I will do it for you: He is soooo worth waiting for - Im sorry honey it did not work out- but be his friend and hang in there for another long period of wasted time- Im sure he will come to his senses some day honey and see he wants to spend the rest of his life with you -its okay if he is banging this other chick - you just go on and date other guys, use them and let them have feelings for you - break thier hearts but yeah honey - hold that torch of friendship for this guy - EVENTUALLY when he has EXHAUSTED ALL HIS POSSIBILITIES WITH OTHER CHICKS and has no one else to put up with his bullshit - yeah honey you will have your happy ever after with him. There - thats what you want to hear.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

What to do??? Advice Posted: 10/20/2009 8:45:25 AM
I have to go with c.ty up there only I would tell them BOTH to go Fcck themselves. Don't be a pushover or a bleeding heart for her. Tell her to fcck off -no more contact and you heal. And yeah-the two pieces of crap that you call one your girlfriend have probably been going at it behind your back. All the more reason not to pee on her when she is on fire. No contact Op. Take the trash out of your life.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Should we stay friends? Posted: 10/19/2009 6:02:15 PM
I just don't want to cut off future possibilities because I don't handle things correctly now. The correct way to handle things is to tell him that he is in a relationship and to stop contacting you. If he contacts you, ignore him. He obviously gets something from you- an ego rub. Thats all it is. NO CONTACT. He moved on - whether he is happy or not is irrelevant. What is relevant is now he has you in his triangle. He has your attention and her attention. So - when you were first you have now slipped to second. Tell him to fcck off - thats how you handle it correctly.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Should we stay friends? Posted: 10/19/2009 5:45:38 PM
But I don't want him getting completely over me either. So by staying in his life and being visible to him you think something may come of it- See I dont get your whole post. See, you go on about how strong you are, you are dating, blah blah blah - he is a great guy- He ISNT a great guy. Wake the hell up. Your relationship imploded for reasons you are not saying - he gets in a new relationship right away and by your words "seems really into her" - but in the next breath you want advice on how to get the "spark" back which means you SECRETLY really really really want HIM to SEE what a great girl you are and by HANGING around- even if its the crumbs of a friendship you are willing to do this because he is such a GREAT GUY. God man - he isnt this great guy. He is being nice to you - he does not want to rock the boat. He has a new relationship and you are looking for ways to CUT IN on that relationship in the CONTEXT of being his friend, hanging around and being visable to him. Your post is very transparent no matter how much you try to hide your feelings behind the honkey doorey this is a great guy and I made mistakes too attitude. Go date. Go have a great life. Meet that guy that will be there for you. Dont worry about being friends with this guy. YOU dont want to be his friend and you know it. You want more. OP- you are 35 years old. You sound like you are 21 here. Stop this nonsense- You are worth more than this - somebodys crumbs. YOU are throwing loaves at this guy- turning yourself inside out. Stop it. No contact. Just get your shit together- learn from your mistakes - own what you did in the relationship and move on.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

Forum personality impact on dating life Posted: 10/19/2009 5:25:54 PM
Well - I guess this explains why I cant get a date. Huge impact on my dating life. My dating life does not exist. I guess Im a piranha here- LOL!!

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Should we stay friends? Posted: 10/19/2009 4:55:08 PM
Why in all that is holy would you want to wait for some guy to make up his stupid mind over you - are you not worth more than - "oh let me think about it while I am boning someone else". Why why why. Tell me why you feel the need to have him as your best friend- is he the only guy in town? Why ? Why why why You are wasting not only your time but letting people, life experiences and every other thing in life pass you bye for some freaking guy who is already into someone else but cant live without your friendship - why? Why do you want to RESPARK something that should have stayed SPARKED TO BEGIN WITH? Why would you even think that his opinion of the woman you are matters - why? Do you get it yet? Do you get that you are worth so much more than some guys crumbs that is not worth another breath from your lips? Get on with it. Find that beautiful woman that you are that he has somehow lost sight of because he is staring at the sun too long and get on with it- kick his sorry little freaking butt crack to the curb and make a great life. YOU do not need to waste time on people in your life who can not make up thier mind.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad Posted: 10/18/2009 7:08:19 PM
Curly.. with all do respect: . You need to realize that there are some people (men and women) who are not monogamous and they most likely never will be. It doesn't matter how attentive their partner is, how much they love them or anything else.... They.Will.Not.Settle sexually for only one man/woman. These types of people are the minority when it comes to infidelity. They are what they are and they will continue who they are until they are too tired/old/sick to do it anymore. Some are just that way.. and will be that way no matter how attentive or how much they love who they have settled down with Wishes - I know. I know this first hand. Thats why these cheater threads are just so unbelievable to me in some of the responses. I know some will cheat once and are very remorseful - things are worked out or whatever. I also know the chronic cheater. As far as being a victim - she is. He does it to her every time he is with someone else, whether she knows about it or not. Not saying she feels or sees herself as a victim but she is a victim of his actions. She does not have to live or feel this way but every time he does this - he hurts her. No one deserves to be cheated on - its like a form of abuse, be it physical, emotional , or mental. No bruise but still pain. Thats what I meant.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad Posted: 10/18/2009 6:43:20 PM
So I dont know - lets see, here- You have his dick in your mouth every fcck*ing night. You keep a clean house, he has good food and clean clothes. You work eight fccking hours a day - you do your share and its still your fccking fault. Yeah okay. Cheaters cheat because they can. Cheaters cheat because they are assholes. Cheaters cheat because they have no character, morals, respect for the relationship or for YOU. Thats why they cheat. NO its not both parties. It takes one party to cheat and yeah its all her fccking fault. She could take a million protein shots from him and it still would be her fault. She was not enticing, she was this, she was that - God. Its never ending. Victimize her a little more. This is such crap thinking. If you actually take a poll of cheaters they will ALWAYS blame the spouse or lover that they were not getting what THEY want wah! wah! wah! Poor fccking excuse. They cheat because they want too. No one twist thier arms. No one lets thier dick fall into another vagina without CONSCOUSLY pulling down thier zipper. Get out of the relationship. God man - I cant believe people continuously try to defend the fccking cheater. What about the victim - YOU just continue to victimize her. She is this , she is that- thats why it did not work. Take some fccking responsibility for your stupid actions. Stop Vicitmizing her. He already did.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 1212 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 10/18/2009 7:37:38 AM
No this is absolutely not a gender issue but the percentages that it affects are higher in men than women but woman still hold this Title as a very close second. Maybe Quasi knows something more about the women side. My Research has led me into zeroing in on men. I know during my research that women are just As bad but their pathology is slightly different in some behaviors. I have read some info on women and know of some info that deals directly with women narcissists. The info for men overshadows it but its pretty basic and can be applied to both sexes as far As traits and behaviors. So the info that I am spewing applies to both here. Not gender specific. And its only info attributed to first hand experience and a lot of research.

curlygrl

Joined: 11/8/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper? Posted: 10/17/2009 7:14:41 PM
Anything in life has the possibility of leading to something deeper. I think the chance you take here is that someone will develop deeper feelings for the other. But like anything- its the chance you take. If you want to take that chance and are sure you can keep your feelings in check then do what you need to do. Im not going to sit here and moralize the FWB concept. If it works for you -hey its your life. Your body - your mind. Do what you need to do. Some people have very strong opinions involving this situation. Its not for everyone.

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