30 year old kids living with me? Would it make him Untouchable? chat & forums.

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greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 77 (view)

30 year old kids living with me? Would it make him Untouchable? Posted: 3/9/2009 4:52:10 AM
Hijacking this thread.... For us folks a few decades over 30... How about "if our 30 year old kids live with US"? My daughter and son in law live with me. I preferred it to living alone and they just couldn't earn enough for an apartment in a safe area. I love my family and they provide me with the companionship I need. I wonder if a guy is turned off by that. It's true I am a little more selective because I'm not quite as howlingly lonely and desperate for any human to bounce conversation off of.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 432 (view)

Is sex as important to you as it once was? Posted: 1/10/2009 6:10:43 AM
"Wow, only one response from a man. I wonder what all the older men who are unable to function because of BP from obesity, diabetes, etc. actually do. There must be women out there that are satisfied with a sexless relationship , ." Yep. They just aren't answering this survey. Yeah, I wish I could find one of those non-superstud kind of guys! I'll admit to some inadequacy in that area and I have always felt it has made me socially crippled. I stayed in an ill-matched marriage because I didn't think I could 'satisfy' anyone else. I find sex to be a physical skill like bike-riding, tennis etc. Some are just better than others. And certainly as a young girl in a certain time we were not "taught" to be good at that skill. Within 3 years (1965-1968) it went from "being a virgin is great" to "you should be into Free Love". And there wasn't much of a way to acquire the training. Which is not to say, I wouldn't be OK with meeting someone who was a good teacher! But that would have to be a person who was not a Super Stud who thought of sex-on-demand as a natural right of every male! Perhaps an older man with less intense desire would be more 'at my level'.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

When Friends Move in, Part II Posted: 11/2/2008 7:25:36 AM
This is kinda long, just letting you know. Several months ago a guy I knew in high school showed up at my door. He was retired & living in his van & traveling around. I posted a thread here about how he parked his van in the back and I kind of invited him to stay for awhile, 'cause we had a brief intense friendship in the 60s. Also, I just felt he a rest & needed a place to stay. Well he stayed for 3 months. He was the NICESt guy. Open, free spirited, gentle, and acted totally interested in me. Always asked me everything about myself. Well what girl could resist that? We took walks together, cooked meals, I asked him if he was interested in more than a friendship. He said no, but still we had great Friend chemistry. Then he kind of had a personality change. He stopped walking with me, became reclusive, avoided me, only talked to me about how I could organize my house better, spent all his time on my broadband internet connection. The chemistry disappeared, but still I felt sorry for him 'cause he was essentially homeless; I wanted to help. Finally a few weeks ago I got mad & flew off the handle 'cause people were making noise late at night. It upset him. I don't think he has ever lived with anyone or experienced the normal ups & downs of household life with others. (Never married, never had a girlfriend at age 57.) He didn't show his face for a week, and finally I asked him what was up. He told me I had 'wrecked our chemistry" and listed everything that was wrong with me. I was "self absorbed" because i always talked about myself. (he was the one who always asked 'leading questions' about me.) He psychoanalyzed all my "issues" like something out of a psychobabble book (he has all these books about Communication, and he gave me several as presents too. When someone gives you too many self-improvement books, you wonder what they are trying to say.) I was still willing to remain friends with him until the end of the conversation, when I brought up some of the problems I saw in HIM. He saw no reason why I should talk about HIS problems, and he got this panicky look on his face. He started picking apart every word I said and his conversation started twisting around like a pretzel, almost a word salad. I quickly ended this conversation & went to bed, and it occurred to me that this guy had serious mental issues. (he had been in a mental hospital and had electroshock therapy back in the 60s.) So I asked him to leave. This was by email. Though he had never been physically violent, I just didn't feel like confronting someone who had mental issues face to face. People don't like it when you tell them they are crazy. Well, he behaved just fine, and he left 2 days ago. I was relieved, but it was bittersweet. His stay was like a "mini-marriage". For a month we cooked meals together. He hung out with my family. He saw me in my PJ's. He saw our lifestyle & messy house like a family member. (One of his critiques was 'the house was a craphole". But when he first came, he said he "liked" my messy house.) And, like many marriages, the love chemistry cooled off into lukewarm co-existence. And at the end, I learned that I was being observed under a microscope and psychoanalyzed, and everything I did was wrong. I'm still trying to process this bittersweet experience. What did I conclude? 1) Maybe it's better to NOT live with friends/lovers. When they see your messy house and you see that they sleep till 4 PM, live on Ensure and spend the rest of the day/nite online, you will feel less romantic about them. 2) Beware of trying to "help" someone by letting them stay with you. I didn't see anything particularly self absorbed about me feeling sorry for my friend, wanting him to have a comfortable place to shower & relax instead of his cold van. I guess I was wrong. 3) If someone is 57 and probably a virgin, there probably IS a reason why. I still don't know if I handled the breakup properly. I didn't even go out & say goodbye. I didn't tell him "the reason I asked you to leave was not because you hurt my Ego by telling me the bad stuff about myself. It was because I think you're not playing with a full deck." I don't know what he thinks...whether he is hurt, glad to be rid of me, angry or what. I keep writing draft emails trying to explain myself...OK, maybe trying to get the Last Word... and I don't send them. People tout 'communication' and "honesty" all the time but maybe sometimes it's better to just be quiet, not be honest, swallow the hurt & let it fade away. And not invite anyone else to live with me.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

What is the difference maker for you with profiles? Posted: 10/1/2008 8:35:18 AM
A great profile is a big plus!! If I feel I have something in common with the person, I am way more interested in writing. (at my age, looks aren't much of a factor because most of us don't look that great.) Conversely, a generic profile doesn't do anything for me. Aren't we all " kind, honest to a fault, know how to treat a woman" and don't we all like "walks on the beach". GIMME A BREAK. Is everyone afraid they might turn someone off if they write something real about themselves? Don't be afraid to step out of line, tell us what you're really like. I'll admit on a profile that I am "unconventional" and "not a high-heels & fine dining kind of person." I wouldn't want to go on a generic date with someone who has nothing more to say than "I like to have fun"... what the hell would we do and what would we talk about? laura

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 141 (view)

beautiful people, ugly genitals... Posted: 8/27/2008 12:22:41 PM
>Beautiful people ,ugly genitals ? Yeah, most people look kind of ridiculous in the nude... I've been to clothing optional festivals and was glad that the Gods invented Clothes, sheets & Darkness...

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

Your worst sexual experience Posted: 8/27/2008 10:21:23 AM
>she used roadkill as sex toys. LOL. But actually, if it is a hot & humid day, it doesn't matter if you showered right before the date... there is a lot of natural bacteria growing down there and it is not always going to "smell like a rose". I guess that is why God invented "regular vanilla sex" (just genitalia, no oral.)

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 204 (view)

Cave man days, bring'em back Posted: 6/30/2008 8:27:43 PM
"We need more of a caveman attitude!!" Sure, if you can club me a brontosaurus steak, I'm all yours!!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 118 (view)

The instant chemistry demand Posted: 6/30/2008 8:25:31 PM
Chemistry is so vague & undefinable...I think it boils down to "one of the people must really like the other one. (let's call it a He.) He pays attention to her, makes her feel good about herself. (which is what all people need most of all). Thus she enjoys being with him, and falls in love with him!" But if neither of them feels all that strongly or is that interested in the other, the relationship never goes any farther.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 258 (view)

Domestic Violence Posted: 6/29/2008 5:42:42 AM
I once dated a guy who had previously dated an abusive girlfriend. I don't know if she physically hit him but she used every manipulative trick in the book, locked him out of the house, spoiled countless vacations, a million crying jags & scenes, verbal & psychic hurricanes etc. I was thinking about getting 'serious' with him when I started to get unusual messages from him, he's 'confused" etc. Turns out this girl had come back into his life. He needed to "help her", needed "time" to "straighten things out." I realized what was happening. "You can't stay away from her because you are addicted to being a 'rescuer'". I'm just a boring date but she "makes you feel like Jesus" because only YOU can "help" her. He did not enjoy being told this. I haven't heard from him since. At last I understood the word "co=dependent". As for your situation... avoid people with 'problems' who need to be "helped" no matter how much fake love & flowers they shower you with!!! Good luck.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

What to say to women who don't put anything in their profiles? Posted: 6/29/2008 5:32:27 AM
Someone with almost nothing in their profile is probably a spam dater. They email hundreds of people with a generic message. Yawn! Profiles are the most important part of online dating. It is the ONLY thing you have to show online. People, please take the time to write something real about yourself. Avoid annoying cliches like "looking for a good woman" "Honest to a fault" (really! What does THAT mean) "romantic dinners" "my friends say that I am...." "a sense of humor" and of course, "walks on the beach". How romantic is that beach or dinner going to be with thousands of POF'ers roaming around there!! Also, lots of people barely put anything in the 'interests" section. What are we supposed to talk about on that long walk if you don't have any interests??

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 106 (view)

Over 60, should I lay down and wait for death??????? Posted: 5/18/2008 7:11:31 AM
I'm 57. I am asking myself this question. I have been dealing with a case of depression because my 2 sons graduated from college, they will soon move away, I'm single, and I don't have a huge social network because I'm mostly an introvert. Thinking about a future of being alone in an empty house... I just wonder how I could face that. I wonder "does it get any better"? When people retire, do they suddenly have time for a social life that they didn't have when they were working & busy? Do people get friendlier? I don't care about the slippers, thermal vests, makeup. What bothers me is that as you get older you get sicker, lonelier, more disrespected and more unwanted.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 101 (view)

Anyone MIss the 60's and 70's? Posted: 5/18/2008 7:06:12 AM
>Up until the 1920s or so, the latter approach was used. That is for at least 7 millennia. As with Prohibition, the War on Drugs, an intrinsically American idea, is an evident failure that in itself has destroyed more lives than the drug culture itself has done. All the pot heads from the 60s and 70s are now wearing ties, living in the suburbs, and voting Republican. Figure it out...... Yeah. I have been having a depression & anxiety problem. I just got prescribed Wellbutrin. What I don't understand is why I can't smoke a joint, which relaxes & mellows me out, but it is OK to take a psychoactive drug made by a giant Pharmaceutical corporation. Oh, wait a sec, I just answered my own question!!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 100 (view)

Anyone MIss the 60's and 70's? Posted: 5/18/2008 7:03:35 AM
I'll chime in. What I miss: music was waaay better. On the other hand, now we have the technology to make our own music with Cubase & other recording programs. I really miss the idealism and the naive belief we could make the world better. I spoze that was just the optimism of youth. But now there is a sense of hopelessness. I feel we have ruined this planet and I don't see how things can improve until Mother Nature decides to get rid of most of us. For this reason I'm not exactly pushing for Grandchildren. The other thing I really hate about Today is that developers and corporations have increased their stranglehold on our economy & our planet.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Do you find yourself becoming apathetic about finding love? Posted: 2/9/2008 1:31:51 PM
Yes. I'm apathetic about "luv". At least I don't waste a lot of time & mental energy trying to contact guys, getting all excited if I see someone interesting, or if someone contacts me. Sure I'd love it if I met a great guy... but it's not my main focus anymore. I think that by the time you're my age (vintage) we are biologically not emitting attraction vibes like we did when we were at prime reproductive age (20). So it is much harder to start and keep a relationship. We have been thru a lot, we like our own space and we like to do our own thing, we're not so ready to drop everything to be with The One. I know that I cherish my privacy, my own tastes in food, I like my personal space 'just so'. On the other hand, Cats are wonderful companions who are great in bed!!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

Why am I still single, you ask? Good question! Posted: 12/20/2007 5:29:56 PM
I've been away from this site a long time because I've given up on blind dates for awhile too. Soooo.... 'still single'. But I thought I'd check in for entertainment. My 2 cents. 1) DON'T depend on a GPS. They can get you far more lost than before. They will feed you directions relative to where you were 2 minutes ago and by that time you've made 2 more lefts and the directions are totally bogus. I had a GPS do this to me once. I was sure glad I recognized one of the streets from a job I had 20 years ago. 2) I agree that it's way better to date people within close range and in familiar areas, unless there is some hugely compelling factor that draws you together. There is just no point. It's about math: The hassle & tension factor rise exponentially with distance. So the magnetism/chemistry factor has to be exponentially greater. 3) If you don't enjoy the same activities, there's not much potential. I always invite my dates on a hike, because hiking is my #1 activity and if they don't like that, we wouldn't be spending much time together.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 586 (view)

Long hair on older women Posted: 9/29/2007 7:40:03 PM
"i personaly dont like long hair in men" Actually that's one of my buttons. I love long hair on men!!!! I came of age in the Hippie times and within a few years guys went from crew cuts to long & flowing. Yum!! It stood for a complete change in mind-set from 50s conformity to 60's free-spiritedness. That established my ideal of beauty for my whole life. Even now when I see a guy with long hair I think "that's a kindred spirit". Unfortunately most of those hippies have lost that beautiful hair.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 191 (view)

how do you feel about getting old? Posted: 9/27/2007 10:15:52 AM
The worst part of growing old is the disillusionment with all the things I used to believe in... the collapse of most of my ambitions, dreams and hopes. I used to be so idealistic. Now my brain can't help but focus on the negative and dwell on the hurts and bad things and betrayals. I am constantly fighting against the "bad" side of my brain that asks "what is there to live for and look forward to?" Everything I tried to do, everyone I tried to fit in with... a big nothing. Dating has certainly been a loss. It's not going to get any better either. Friends who have retired have found that that isn't so great either. They experience loneliness, lack of connection, uselessness. I used to enjoy good health but in the last few years it's been one thing after another. Like an old car I am just getting more rusty & decrepit. I sure hope I can carry thru with my resolution: if I get heart problems or other serious medical issues, SAY NO to life-prolonging medicine. I've worked in nursing homes and I think that the life that is prolonged is NOT WORTH IT. Better to go out quick. Oh yeah, and save millions in medicare $$ that way too. The hidden solution to the social security shortfall: serious re-thinking on end-of-life Medicare and keeping millions of suffering old patients alive when they'd rather be mercifully put to sleep like a beloved dog. We treat our animals more kindly than our grandparents. Ooops. Controversial. Boo hoo! Thanks for listening.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 581 (view)

Long hair on older women Posted: 9/27/2007 9:36:33 AM
I have worn mine long since age 16. I was glad to say goodbye to huge rollers, hairsprays, and the hair 'teasing" that was fashionable in the mid 60s. Then along came the hippie look and I was right in fashion. It takes me awhile to brush my hair, but that's way preferable to all the maintenance short hair requires: frequent trips to the salon, curling/styling irons, etc. Sometimes i think my hair looks "raggedy", but that's me: the hippie look. With my skinny face I would look far worse with short hair. I think the short permed hair makes women look older. My mom had that look. It is a 'grandmother' look. Once you get a perm, I'm told your hair is "ruined" as far as looking natural. Yes I would like my hair to look less 'ragged" but I can't find a stylist who can create what I want. First thing I go in the shop and they want to start cutting & cutting. So I don't go to the shop anymore.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Ending a Date Honestly Posted: 9/26/2007 8:28:25 PM
"Then he sent a chicken mail to me." I don't get it. What's a chicken mail? I've been on lots of 'first dates". You certainly can't make up your mind about someone you have met ONCE. This person is a stranger. Of course he was nice to your face. People are always polite to strangers.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

How do I get a date if I am too shy to talk to women? Posted: 9/11/2007 1:06:53 PM
"The problem is I would rather get into a car accident than talk to a woman. I mean I ride a motorcycle without a helmet...that's stupid and dangerous but I can't walk across a room and start a conversation. What do I do? : )" Rather get in a car wreck? Ride without a helmet? That's crazy!! How about this...when you see a woman, imagine she is a motorcycle. Seriously though...I can't read your profile so I don't know if you have any hobbies, but it helps if you go somewhere that people share your interests & like what you do. If you get really good at something, you can use it as a social prop. Example, things like cooking, dancing (women LOVE guys who can dance. You don't even have to talk!!) playing music (I've used a guitar as a social prop for years!) Even something silly like "I can read palms". Just become an expert at something and be the 'life of the party." Good luck! Offer a woman a ride on your cycle, but for Gods sake give her a helmet.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Seeking a sexless relationship Posted: 9/8/2007 6:21:40 AM
"I think you are looking for a asexual relationship. And believe it or not, there are people out there that feel the same as you do. Contrary to popular media, sex is not essential to life, and there is many different levels and kinds of intimacy. Before viagara, and estrogen treatements, and even after, people after the end of their sexual life managed to continue to live happy lives together as married couples" Thank you for a sensible word!! It amazes me how people seem to think that if they don't get sex they will just dry up & wither away. Us single folks go without sex for very long times and we're just fine!! Especially in this age of frightening sexual diseases, I can see why some people would just decide it wasn't worth the hassle! Getting your jollies thru a plastic bag isn't that much of a turn-on. Hand-holding, massages and walking arm in arm ... THAT's romantic. Moreso than plastic dental dams I daresay.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Don't be the The White Bread Sandwich When Their Panini Maker of Love Breaks Down Posted: 9/7/2007 10:46:40 PM
"Thank God I have my music and band functions on the weekends..." Yeah. Not having Dates has inspired me to become a musician. Guitar, bass and keyboards. That should take a few years worth of weekends. I'm getting some recording gear so I can "play with myself" (intendre intended) all the time. If I could find a band that would take an old lady (me) that would be great 'cause I'd never have to worry about Dates on weekends again. Sometime I'd like to start my own band and call it "Sublimator". Music and art have always been my form of sublimation. Lots of other people's too. Why do ya think someone painted the Sistine Chapel?

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

I'm needing objective advice Posted: 9/6/2007 1:27:56 PM
Of course I agree with everyone here that you need to dump his a$$. I'd go a step further. Play a few games RIGHT BACK AT HIM. Next time you have a date.... STAND HIM UP. Tell him 'you're not ready'. If you have a guy friend, let this jerk see you two together making all cuddly. How much you wanna bet if he thinks he can't have you, suddenly he'll decide he wants you.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 184 (view)

I'm not attracted to women my age. Posted: 9/5/2007 9:51:36 AM
Hahahaha!!! It only gets worse. Wait till you're in your 50s. I don't think I quite look my age and the problem is, it is hard to feel physical attraction to people who look like 'grandfathers'. Not to be shallow and I'm sure they are nice people, but the cells are just not reacting. (You know that our cells have only one thing on their mind.) The trouble with our society being so youth-oriented is... once you are over the hill, there is such a long slope down! It gives you a looooooong time to re-evaluate your self, identity, goals and images when you are no longer Hot, Attractive, Successful, Sexy and with a Great future ahead of you. Enjoy the long coast.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Acceptance of single life - Right or wrong Posted: 9/4/2007 8:17:02 PM
"I have accepted my status as "Single". For it shall be and has been my destiny." I'm usually ok with being single, I enjoy my freedom. But I don't like being around a lot of mushy couples who want you to see their wedding pix and listen to their talk about undying Luv. The soppy public media also gets in your face with their propaganda about "the One and Only" (so they can sell wedding dresses, furniture, insurance etc.) TV, too, where everyone has perfect teeth and perfect relationships. It's all a Dream, folks!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

my experience Posted: 9/4/2007 7:58:27 PM
"If you live in a small town in which folks drop by each other's homes all the time, I don't think he did anything wrong, at least not by community standards. (The OP's standards may be different, but he may not know them yet.)" I'm glad you brought this up. I lived in a college town full of students and they were always cruising the sidewalks, visiting, dropping in on each other. I also lived in a foreign country where on Saturday afternoons it was the tradition to promenade about & drop in on neighbors. They didn't have phones, and cars weren't that common either. Whereas now we live in these suburban deserts where you DON"T walk anywhere, nothing spontaneous ever happens and nobody EVER visits anyone else "just because". So maybe this guy comes from a background like the first examples I mentioned!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

curiosity has killed my cat! Posted: 9/2/2007 8:25:51 PM
The difference between bars & the internet: the internet is like a bar where you can hear what the other person is saying and you don't have to buy them drinks.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 86 (view)

3 in the morning and all is lost Posted: 9/2/2007 8:23:16 PM
Yep, we've all been there. The problem is, you can't really depend entirely on someone else for your happiness. Someone else can't be your entire world or you are bound to get hurt. Yes, it is great if we can find a special someone, etc. but if we don't, we need to learn how to find the strength in our own selves to make life worth living.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 189 (view)

Sleeping alone Posted: 8/31/2007 9:58:47 AM
"I miss walking the dogs, sitting in bed reading the Sunday paper, cooking dinner together, going camping, or on vacation, talking about our future, gardening, fixing up the house, going grocery shopping - the simple everyday things." Me too... but we gotta remind ourselves, there were lots of things about being married we don't miss... like the cold icy stares, the angst-filled nights & weekends (when you are glad to go to work on Monday, you know you had a bad weekend and a bad marriage) , the jealousy, the headgames, things that ruined those vacations and chores etc. If our marriages were so great, we wouldn't be on this forum. At least going to bed is always peaceful when you're alone and you only have your own troubles to deal with!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 188 (view)

Sleeping alone Posted: 8/31/2007 9:51:03 AM
"I do not need him sleeping in my bed, crowding me, taking my covers, moving around, laying any heavy limbs on me, etc when I want to SLEEP. SLEEP is waaaaaaay better alone" Yep! After my divorce I got to sleep with all my favorite things.... books, novel manuscript, guitar. Things that didn't snore, hog the covers, turn the fan on when it was 60 degrees, etc. Also, if you want to cuddle, get a nice kitty cat!!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 448 (view)

How do we end up being so non-compatible? [Valid Topic] Posted: 8/28/2007 8:34:41 AM
The OP needs to go out and slay some mammoths with a stone knife, come home with a slab of raw meat, beat on his chest, howl at the moon and show us poor Western girls what a REAL MAN is like.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 447 (view)

How do we end up being so non-compatible? [Valid Topic] Posted: 8/28/2007 8:20:30 AM
"Eastern European women on the other hand know exactly what it means to be a woman. They're proud to be real women, not women trying to be men or compete with men, but to be compatible with men." GROAN!! Is this thread still here??? I haven't read the 18 pages of responses so mine may be redundant. My comment is "Why doesn't this self-described "Sex Machine" tell us "exactly what it means to be a woman"???? He shows a pic of himself lifting weights and has almost nothing to say in his profile. Wonder what's his idea of a 'Real Woman". Gosh, I couldn't possibly guess. We can see that he is obsessed with bodybuilding and maybe afraid of women who are as strong as he is. Wonder if he thinks he's a "Real Man". Mr. Sex Machine, have you ever thought maybe the reason why 50 percent of "Western" marriages end in divorce might be 50 percent the fault of "Western men" too??? If you don't like the West, go back where you came from. Or get yourself a Russian mail-order bride.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

Not Single/Not Looking Posted: 8/26/2007 6:14:40 AM
"I am in a relationship but like to talk to people on this site because I just like to make new friends" "Friends" with people of the opposite sex really seems to be a GRAY AREA to me. It really depends on what kind of friendship you're talking about. I think it has to be a specific sort of friendship, like "just friends at work to gripe about the boss" or, in my case, "musical friends to jam with." Possibly "hiking partners" or professional colleagues to swap information or learn about a specific interest. If you are advertising to meet strangers for the purpose of 'friendship/hang out", it gets a little weird. Somebody in the relationship is hoping there will be something more than friendship. What the heck, I'm hoping to meet musical jam buddies, but can always hope there'll be a little more chemistry going on. (Not if they're married though.) Especially if you're already in a relationship, the boundaries of outside friendships will have to be pretty specific. Or Boyfriend is going to be unhappy.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

The Tragic Truth Posted: 8/24/2007 3:09:18 PM
"Now I am faced with the tragic reality that we are no longer happy in the relationship, sexual intimacy is but a memory and something I did as a child" Alas, I feel your pain. But if you want to cheat, how would you feel if your wife also indulged in some extracurricular activities? Maybe after you both had your fling, you would get sick of dating strangers like we all do on POF and come back to each other appreciating the years and family that you have in common. Being single might look great to you now, but believe me, it's not all that great. Plus, you probably wouldn't get laid any more often.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Is there really anything wrong with co-dependence? Posted: 8/23/2007 5:18:19 AM
"Co-dependence" is not an addiction to love. Co-dependence is when two people enable bad habits or addictions in each other. They feed off each other, so to speak. A co-dependent relationship is toxic to both partners." I think it qualifies when a guy stays with a woman who is like a bomb waiting to go off, always exploding, cursing him out, throwing his stuff out, then turning around and adoring him & calling him 24-7... because he loves the feeling of how f'd up she is, she NEEDS him so much because she is such a basket case. He needs her as much as she needs him. He doesn't need an equal relationship with an independent woman.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Is anyone else getting tired of this whole dating thing? Posted: 8/21/2007 5:40:42 AM
I'm tired of the whole dating thing and I really don't think it's possible to "advertise" on a site and expect to meet the Love of your Life. All a dating site is good for is to find out who lives nearby and shares some common interests. Then you can set up a first meeting which is equivalent to the first time you meet someone in church, athletic club, whatever, and decide if you would like to spend more time w/them. People like the OP are expecting waaaay too much from this site.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

why cant guys tell you if they dont like you after one date Posted: 8/18/2007 6:20:44 AM
One big factor in online dating is that people are "shopping". I see this in so many threads, the person seems to like you, you get a date & that's it. The first date shouldn't even really be considered a date. It should be thought of as a 'first contact in real life'. Like when you meet someone for the first time at a party, grocery store, wherever. You see what they look like, how they talk, what kind of personality (bossy, shy, tongue tied?) they have. All the stuff that can't be conveyed online. I'm sure it's possible to have e-mails and realize you have common interests... and then meet face to face and see that you don't feel like carrying things any further. Our online personalities may not be like our real ones. It shouldn't necessarily mean hard feelings. It is just part of life. Also, the person could be 'shopping' by emailing several people, keeping options open. He/she has to meet these people, meanwhile keep the door open for meeting the other ones too. It is all part of life and it happened before computers. It has nothing to do with being "shallow", "cowardly' or any other negative attribute. I think it should be understood, having a date from POF is nowhere near the "getting serious" stage.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Hey, whoya callin' chicken? :) Posted: 8/14/2007 1:20:43 PM
Whatever happened to the dogs & cats analogy? "A dog person is Needy and they jump all over the place to get attention and you have to walk them everyday. They are loving but high maintenance. A cat person is self sufficient, but if they like you they just might sit in your lap & purr... but only when they want to."

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 190 (view)

women always marking their territory. What the hell is that about? Posted: 8/14/2007 11:24:19 AM
"Everytime i get involved with a new woman this happens, usually after the second or third sleep over it starts" What? You like her enough to sleep with her, but you don't like her 'marking territory'? You don't think sleeping with someone is a form of getting 'territory'? Like duh, she wants the visual clues to be there in case you bring another woman in!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

If I hear another You'll find the right woman thing one more time I am going to scream Posted: 8/14/2007 10:08:20 AM
"women here come across as being fake and have something stuck up their butts." If I hear that line once more I'll scream. AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!:frustrated: I feel like giving up a lot of the time too. Who wants to date a 50 something woman??? I'm getting to the point of enjoying my own company 'cause that's all I'm likely to get.:

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Is there really anything wrong with co-dependence? Posted: 8/14/2007 7:29:48 AM
"Is it really that bad of a thing for a person to desire to have someone to hold, someone to wrap their arms around and love, someone to take out with them and do everything together with? It almost seems as if people think I have a problem or something, like I'm not normal for having romantic ideals!" That's not co-dependence as I understand it. We'd all like that. I'd LOVE to have that. But I'm not going to try & force it to happen with everyone I go on 2 dates with... it's a very rare thing. My understanding of co-dependence is someone who is so desperate to have someone who is IN LOVE with them, that they will dump a good friend/companion who they get along with and like, because she doesn't fill his every waking hour but has other interests too. He'll dump her for a woman who chases and worships him, even though their relationship is emplty, vapid and dysfunctional. He does this because he has a deep psychological need to be needed, loved and adored. He didn't understand it himself...why he was letting his psycho Ex back into his life. I wrote him back & told him exactly what the attraction was. "She is so F'd up, she makes you feel like Jesus for 'helping' her. Hope you like it up on that Cross!"

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 188 (view)

exotic dancers Posted: 8/12/2007 7:58:00 AM
"C"ome on guys and gals,...how many times have you been walking down the street and saw that hot guy/gal with a great ass and said to yourself,...Dam thats fine,..I want a piece of that!. Its the same thing at the clubs,...but you actually get a chance to talk to them. Its all a FANTASY." I'm just curious, never having experienced this... what do you talk about?? Do you have 'real' conversations, or are the conversations part of the fantasy? As in 'conversations where the really hot guys/gals pretend they think you're Hot & attractive?" Do they act as if they are interested in you as a person? Or else maybe they listen to your troubles and pretend they care, like if you go to a shrink? Hmmm. Just curious.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 185 (view)

exotic dancers Posted: 8/12/2007 6:35:50 AM
"I'm wondering, does the occupation of Priest have the same suspicions? CEO?????? Used car salesman????? Yep Priest = Little boys. CEO = Everybody Used car salesman = Anybody Ha haha, at least a stripper would have a better knowledge of what makes a man happy." CEO= ALL THEIR EMPLOYEES and anyone else who has money including the entire planet. At least a stripper doesn't bulldoze and rape the planet like rich corporate greedsters do. Those guys are the REAL "strippers", Hahahah!!! Seriously, back to the topic: if the original poster wants to weed out the jerks: Change your profile. Don't put up any sexy pics and don't have a sexy sounding screen name. Emphasize everything about yourself that is serious & respectable, i.e. do you like books like War & peace? At the very end of your profile, add that you work as a dancer but that you definitely are only doing it because it pays well and helps you survive financially. And heck, there's not a whole lot of other good jobs unless you have an MBA and know the right people. Heck, a lot of jobs are "selling your body". You have to give customers fake smiles and pretend that you are super cheerful and "can I do anything else to help you?" (I hate that line, especially if you've called with a complaint. I feel sorry for the customer service rep who has to voice that demeaning, a$$-kissing line.)

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 339 (view)

Why do Men ask to see your pics then NEVER talk to you again....? Posted: 8/4/2007 3:44:57 PM
"f your out and see someone that catches your eye than your goiing to approach them, if someone doesnt not catch your eye than your not goiing to say to yourself " I bet that person has a nice personality i should go and talk to them" " You might if the person has something else going for them... like they are a great guitar player who just finished an awesome set, or some other thing that interests you. My point is: if you weren't born with supermodel looks, go for something "interesting" that might attract others of like mind to want to get to know you. Wear eye-catching outfits, have a unique tattoo, have a talent, be interesting. If you are nice looking but bland & vanilla, I wouldn't know what to talk to you about.

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 248 (view)

worse thing anybody said to you before they broke your heart. Posted: 8/1/2007 1:17:08 PM
I like you & I'm attracted to you and I know that if we stayed together we'd have sexual vibes...but I only want to date a VEGAN. So why did he contact ME?

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 86 (view)

Would this scare you? Posted: 7/31/2007 11:32:02 AM
I don't think it's weird at all. I used to print the profiles of anyone who was a remote possibility. It would be a lot more embarassing if he didn't print them out and re-read them, and then he let something slip, like "I see in your profile you like nude polo-playing??? OOOPS, That was the OTHER chick I've been writing to!"

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Is this inappropriate or am I being a prude Posted: 7/30/2007 6:30:57 PM
Here's how you get rid of a creep: creep him right back!! In this case... ask him if HE likes to wear skirts and if he would send a pic of himself in one!!!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

if a guy turned up for a date in a costume, what would you do? Posted: 7/29/2007 6:36:11 PM
"People who use the word "boring" are usually boring." I don't think first and 2nd dates are "boring" but I do think they are usually not fun. You are so overly self conscious and worried you might say/do the wrong thing. Trying to make a 'good impression' and not talk too much about the Ex, or let on that you've been hurt and are scared, or talk politics/religion, or have any sort of quirks. I don't know how anyone gets any kind of chemistry going under these circumstances!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

if a guy turned up for a date in a costume, what would you do? Posted: 7/29/2007 6:32:32 PM
Only if you tell the girl beforehand and see if SHE wants to wear a costume too. Then it would be way fun & funny and a conversation starter. I think it would be great to inject a little humor into the grim, job-interview-like vibe of a Blind Date!!! Where's your sense of humor, people? The whole thing needs to be laughed at! If there were some laughter in the first date, maybe there'd be a second date!

greenfeather

Joined: 11/11/2006

Msg: 65 (view)

celibacy...whos doing it,who isnt, whose seriously considering Posted: 7/29/2007 7:52:35 AM
Interesting question, I think admitting it on a forum would kill one's chances with most of the potential dates... but a question occurred to me... some people I know are on Lexapro for anxiety, they think it's great and helps their social anxiety. So it helps them in finding relationships. However! It also kills the sex drive!!! Sooo...what does it do, help them have better platonic relationships? Maybe just with other folks who are also on meds? curious minds want to know.

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