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Thread: The Attraction/Chemistry Fingerprint - Can We Change It?

ForumDoofus

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

The Attraction/Chemistry Fingerprint - Can We Change It? Posted: 5/9/2007 12:19:40 PM
All of us have a fingerprint for attraction and chemistry. It can be looks, voice, personality, confidence, sense of humor, intelligence, sensuality, or any combination thereof. When we meet a person of the opposite gender who closely matches our attraction/chemistry fingerprint (called the "ACF" from now on), it's an almost electric experience. The passion swells, our ability to use reason and logic falters. We see that person just as a response to the ACF, not necessarily seeing his or her true nature. It's wonderful. It's scary. It's like being on a type of drug. Letting our ACF completely rule our romantic lives can be problematic. There are so many stories of men and women finding horrible relationship partners consistently. There are so many stories right here on PoF about a string of dismally failed relationships. Yet, the pattern of finding the wrong man or woman continues. The ACF leads so many astray. So, if our ACF is indeed leading us astray, can we change it? Can we train ourselves to develop an ACF for a different type of person of the opposite sex? Or, are we doomed to have profound chemistry and feel intense attraction for the completely wrong type of person again and again and again? Just questions here, no answers.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 189 (view)

Feminism and relationships Posted: 4/26/2007 12:08:09 PM
...women's experiences... This is certainly valid. It is, however, a two-way street. To understand and appreciate a woman's experience is worthy and honorable and brings much to our cultural and social understanding of gender relations in a political context. To equally (ah, there's that pesky "equality" thing) understand a man's experience is worthy and honorable and brings much to our cultural and social understanding of gender relations in a political context. Let's do both, shall we?

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 182 (view)

Feminism and relationships Posted: 4/26/2007 11:25:00 AM
shame on you to spew forth such misinformation and lump all the male contributors of the thread as stupid. No wonder debates like this have to be repeated over and over. What ever happened to the search for truth? The Prof is not teaching, she is spreading dogma. The "but everyone knows that" type of dogma that is rarely questioned for fear of insults and ridicule. True scholars are willing to face insults and ridicule in order to seek the truth. And one of the cardinal rules regarding debate is that the first one to use a personal insult loses the argument. Attacking the messenger means that the messenger is usually right and the listener simply doesn't want to hear the message. That's woefully unintellectual. So everytime I am accused of being misogynist I know that I am right.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

Why? Posted: 4/24/2007 11:13:55 AM
This actually happened to me last year. I went out with a friend of a friend for a real, official date. She was a nice woman in her mid-30s, smart, educated, self-reliant, and quite attractive to me. We had a nice dinner at a mid-priced restaurant. During our dinner, she made the distinct point that men should listen carefully to what women say. I agreed with her. The time comes to pay the check. She graciously offers to split the tab. I defer. She insists we go dutch. Again, I resist. I believe that a man should pay for dinner. Call me wacky. In fact I actually give my credit card to the server. She raises an eyebrow and then gives HER credit card to the server. "Please split the bill" she states pleasantly but firmly. Not much I can do at this point. So, we each paid half and left with the agreement to see each other again. Within two days I hear from my friend who had set me up with this woman. The conversation went something like this: " 'Mary' doesn't want to go out with you again." "Oh, I thought we had a good date." "Well, she said you were cheap and wouldn't pay for dinner." "I tried to pay for dinner!" (I'm completely flummoxed at this point). "She said that you should have paid no matter what she said." (at this point, I have realized that 'Mary' is as stupid as a box of rocks so I can respond with some honesty.) "I see. Please tell Mary that she is the reason so many men don't take what a woman says seriously. If she wants to be taken seriously she needs to realize that her words matter." No more dinner first dates for me. Coffee and a walk sounds much more appropriate without the social and gender minefield of who pays!

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

She asks me Do you think she's beautiful? Posted: 4/20/2007 10:41:31 AM
The other question that women ask too frequently is, "do you think I'm fat?" followed up by the completely sadistic phrase, "Please, be honest". Gee, how much does she hate and disrespect her man for putting him into a completely lose-lose situation?

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 271 (view)

Are women scared off by harleys Posted: 4/18/2007 12:29:57 PM
... fact is alot of florida bikers are riding the coat tails of ABATE. We will continue to go to the capitol & fight the good fight cause we believe in less government & more personal freedom. He's absolutely right! Hell, I wear a helmet ALL the time but the personal freedom to decide not to wear a helmet is something that simply must be protected. Without organizations like ABATE, government would quietly and quickly step in to make life "safer" for everyone at the expense of the personal freedoms we hold dear. So I give much gratitude to ABATE even though my fat noggin is ensconced in a helmet each time I ride.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

She asks me Do you think she's beautiful? Posted: 4/18/2007 12:24:59 PM
It's fishing for compliments and it's not a particularly appealing behavior. If you want to teach a lesson, respond with "She's gorgeous and I'd love to see the two of you together in some hot girl-on-girl action." If you don't want to sleep on the sofa, respond with "What girl?"

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 104 (view)

The Wing-Man Posted: 4/18/2007 10:38:07 AM
It does work but usually for younger folks (under 30 or so) and in settings where a group dynamic comes into play - bars and clubs, usually. Of course, there is the whole "wing girl" concept where another girl serves to break the ice. Once people gain sufficient wisdom and maturity to shed all that insecurity nonsense, the wing man, wing girl thing is usually unnecessary.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

What is he doing?! Posted: 4/18/2007 10:34:11 AM
This poor fellow is in your "Friend Zone" and in denial. Do both of yourselves a big favor - remove him from your life. It sounds harsh but it would be best for you both. It would be good for him because he has to finally learn that you will never be his romantic or intimate partner. It's good for you because you you won't to worry about his never-to-be-fulfilled dreams with you. Good luck!

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 155 (view)

Winks are now live and running. Posted: 4/17/2007 9:06:23 PM
HEY ADMIN!!!!! Since you are watching this thread I have a SERIOUS COMPLAINT! I noticed an online advertisement - right next to my primary photo. Here is what the advertisement stated: "Is he going to kill you?" [Ad for a detective agency] Gee, thanks for such a nice caption right next to my photo! Please screen your advertisers and their content before you take their checks.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

Are strong independant women a turn off? Posted: 4/17/2007 9:48:12 AM
I care little about a woman's financial success or material success or "independence" Is she pleasant, easy-going, tolerant, intelligent, attractive (to me), non-judgmental, willing to put my happiness equal to hers? That's what counts to me. It's been my direct and very consistent experience that women who loudly proclaim their independence have had none of the characteristics I am seeking in a woman. No biggie... plenty of fish out there.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 108 (view)

Those Tattoos on the small of the back Posted: 4/13/2007 2:06:04 PM
They can be cool but they are a fad. Fads come and go, that's the nature of society and culture. But with a tattoo, it's pretty much permanent (unless one has lots of money and an extremely high tolerance for pain). Remember the fashion fads from the '80s? Imagine women buying leg-warmers and head bands and being forced to wear them FOREVER. Imagine men buying Member's Only jackets and being forced to wear them FOREVER.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

a man's presence- why be intimidated and stay clear? Posted: 4/11/2007 8:02:08 PM
His very demeanor and attitude towards other people is basically reprehensible and appalling, and not someone that I would normally find in the least bit attrative. The man makes me soak my panties in under three typed words. And who says women don't fall for bad boys?! This dude is reprehensible and appalling yet he makes her panties wet. Hey nice guys, are you reading this?!?!?!?

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Age stigma over 40? Posted: 4/11/2007 2:02:19 PM
And why are so many "older" men unable to give up this animalistic need for some other human being to be carrying their DNA? That's the biological imperative at work! It's not always reasonable but it IS instinct. Ever meet a woman who is desperate to have kids? She's so desperate that she finds a completely unsuitable partner or father, maybe even voluntarily becoming a single mother. Yup, that's the biological imperative at work, too! It's not always reasonable but it IS instinct. It's sometimes very hard to resolve the conflict between biological need (instinct) and logic or social conditioning. Sometimes, that biological instinct is manifested in searching for a mate. I believe it's called "chemistry" between people.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Age stigma over 40? Posted: 4/11/2007 1:33:47 PM
...the younger women, however, behave as though threatened by the presence of a graceful, intelligent, attractive woman who happens to be over 40... I have seen that very phenomenon and it's quite ugly. Younger women have SO much to learn from women who have wisdom, grace, and experience. Hell, MEN have so much to learn from women who have wisdom, grace, and experience!

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Age stigma over 40? Posted: 4/11/2007 12:29:00 PM
Women over 40? They can be phenomenal! Here is what I have found for most of them (I say most, disclaimer at the end). They have usually tossed out that dreary, conventional life script that forces people to adhere to a series of pre-ordained "lifestyle" events which are considered a guideline for being "successful". They have found the ability to enjoy so many more aspects of life (including sexuality) without inhibitions and hang ups. They have learned the subtle aspects of relationship diplomacy, compromise, tolerance, forgiveness, and general niceness. They have found a sense of inner confidence that is absolutely compelling. They have abandoned the ridiculous notions of storybook romances and can bring a man into her life and enjoy him or who he is, not what she expects him to be. They know that Prince Charming is a myth and that most men have elements of a prince. The over-40 women are MATURE enough to recognize those prince-like elements in every man. They have learned that there is actually nothing wrong with making a man happy. They have learned to smile at life's challenges and difficulties I could go on and on. I thoroughly and completely adore women over 40! However, there is a minority of over-40 women who haven't grown up. We know who they are - * Still waiting for Prince Charming or Mr. Perfect and all the while building up some terribly bitter attitudes towards men. * Never quite learned that being a b1tch is NOT a mark of independence and assertiveness, it's just being, well, a b1tch. To add, they think being nice is somehow a sign of weakness. * Still thinks that possessing female genitalia entitles her to special treatment. * Thinks men are inferior human beings not worthy of respect.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

do men not feel the same sense of violation as women? Posted: 4/11/2007 11:16:48 AM
What if that "female sexual coercion" made her pregnant? Would the "father" still be responsible for child support? How's THAT for a tough question?

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Why do good guys get kicked Posted: 4/11/2007 10:23:44 AM
Women like men who are men. Rapacious psychos like men they can walk all over. Grow yourself a pair and deal with it. A tough thing to hear but EVERY "nice guy" should take this to heart. Then they should pick up a copy of "Double Your Dating".

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Why do good guys get kicked Posted: 4/11/2007 9:16:18 AM
There are 49 'good guy' threads going at the moment. There are 50 'nice guy' threads going at the moment. Very true. I found this amazing. Yet there is a reason for it - it's obviously happening to a great many guys and it's obviously extremely important to them! I say respect this, address this, and find some ways to deal constructively with this. We should respect ALL gender-related social issues, that's equality. So, we could request that the PoF moderators delete these threads but that won't make the issue go away. These guys are being honest (and doesn't everyone want honesty?) If the threads were deleted (as they usually are - kind of sexist if you ask me), a great many guys will still have this issue but they'll find other ways to express themselves, sometimes in very negative ways. Here's a nasty little unintended consequence to "nice" guys being so romantically and sexually unrequited - they become players. And there is a very scary and very successful industry and subculture completely devoted to turning nice guys into players.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

What makes a woman intimidating?????????????? Posted: 4/9/2007 7:28:32 PM
Women don't intimidate me unless armed with a deadly weapon.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

The Man Brain Posted: 4/8/2007 8:53:29 PM
And I think we are at the point where we should at least acknowledge each other for holidays: Valentines, birthdays, special occassions, etc. Should I have to remind him of these things or should he just know? Holidays are important to you. Not him... "just know"?!?!?!?! oh, that is wildly funny.... expecting a man to read minds... think about dating women if want your partner to read minds. You are imposing your definition of a relationship on him.. Stop watching Oprah, Dr. Phil, and please stop watching chick flicks. Seriously, think about making HIM happy instead of thinking of your own needs and happiness.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

How do men go from.... Posted: 4/8/2007 8:44:42 PM
I would ask the same question of women.. Indeed.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

No fear, No expectations Posted: 4/5/2007 10:24:19 AM
This strikes me as a very healthy attitude towards online dating! Bravo! The bonus of not having fear is that risks are easier to take. I try to adopt this approach but it's not always easy. I do have a few expectations if I do date the same person more than a few times. For the initial contact, I do have NO expectations whatsoever. Long term expecations are not as easy to rein in. Many of us do have the expectation of forming a long-lasting intimate relationship. This element can too easily cloud the first meeting, even the very first email!. I wish that men and women could simply enjoy each other's company (emotionally, physically, whatever) and not let agendas and ulterior motives ruin things. Of course, I also believe in the Easter Bunny.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 162 (view)

The Art of War. Posted: 4/4/2007 9:57:49 AM
I think alot of the posters here were too focussed on the word "Devious". After all,isn't the dance of seduction based on some sort of manipulation? She wears a certain perfume,or buys sexy lingerie in order to appeal to his senses. He takes to a romantic restaurant,or buys her flowers ,in order to appease hers. Hell..even the "virtual roses' on this site could be considered manipulative if you think about it. We want to get under someone's skin...into their thoughts,and we find whatever way we can do that. Very good point. One person's "manipulation" might be another person's "courtship". Sam picked some hot-button vocabulary words, that's all.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Can't Sustain a Relationship Posted: 4/4/2007 9:44:05 AM
most women and i mean most just looking for someone decent who treats them righ....have fun together, have mutual respect , be there when they are down when they are up....sometimes love develops slowly and yes it can last for ever..the initial tummy butterfly love goes fairly quickly ,but then the true love for the other person for whom they are can last for ever. This is probably the best way to handle dating and relationships. Let's enjoy each other's company, treat each other with respect and dignity and affection, and then let love grow over time. If this really happened, then those nice girls and nice guys would find each and let build and mature. Then we would have no more self pity from the nice girls and nice guys. I wish it were always true. Look at the enormous number of female profiles where "chemistry", "attraction", "I'll know him when I see him" types of comments are made. Sure, not all... but so many! This is the reality of meeting, dating, and forming relationships. It's that spark, those butterflies, that swiftly beating heart. Hell, it's like a drug!

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Women and small dogs Posted: 4/3/2007 6:02:16 PM
There seems to be a vast plague of wee canine beasties in the arms of women these days. I see them in purses, in cars, dressed up (oh, the horror!), carted around, carried around, fawned over, spoiled with human food, spoken to like actual kids, etc, etc.... So, can one of the women please address this recent canine social trend with some commentary and opinions. Is this a fashion thing? Is this a substitute for something else? This one has me genuinely perplexed.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

which woman would you marry? Posted: 4/3/2007 5:23:35 PM
Yup... golddigger fantasy.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Valentine's Day 2008 Wedding Posted: 4/3/2007 11:28:40 AM
To most of us, picking out the location, dresses, tuxes andrings, and setting the date, is called planning to get married. Technically, that's planning a wedding and has little to do with the actual marriage. And the woman sounds like she's being a slave to the standard life script being married by a certain age. That's major insecurity in my book. Folks over 40 and have hopefully learned that life is not about a standard script and that making enormous, life-altering decisions (and actions) based on the pressures of others is not a good course of action.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Children or love? Posted: 4/3/2007 7:29:16 AM
Sadly, this is one of those issues where there can be no compromise. Once you have kids, you can't exactly give them back. But do know that having kids is a lifestyle choice, not a law. Also, the urge for a woman to have kids is often an urgent biological need and not a rational and logical decisions (see references to that pesky "biological clock"). In matters so incredibly important as having kids, try to think more with your head and not your uterus. That sounds cold, I know, but so many parents have kids and realize that it was a poor decision. Of course, you won't hear that from the responses here, few parents are courageous enough to admit they made the wrong decision. Also, kids ultimately grow up, grow older, and grow out of the house, leaving the parents as they started, just the two of them. Do consider adoption as a wonderful alternative.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

married, no kids... Posted: 4/3/2007 7:19:18 AM
The reasons to have kids are just as selfish as the reasons not to have kids. Judging people on their lifestyle choices is not particularly polite.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Are men these days old fashioned? Posted: 4/2/2007 8:28:41 PM
men do not mind an 'equal'........ what they MIND is a woman with an independent "TUDE"...... big major difference. They also mind the 'double standard' of women who want to be independent when it suits them.....but also 'old fashioned' when....well...it suits them TOO. Yup. What he said.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

signing off parental rights- do you agree Posted: 4/2/2007 7:42:11 PM
Male birth control pill. It really is time. Give men a better option for contraception and they will use it (despite the male-bashers wailing and gnashing of teeth). With reproductive responsibility comes reproductive privilege. With a pill like that for men, the reverse "oops" is possible. Gee sweetie, I forgot that I was TAKING the pill.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 73 (view)

the Art of War Posted: 4/2/2007 11:37:56 AM
Full disclosure anyone? Told them about all your ex's? When you lost your virginity? How much you earn? What you really think of those shoes? That you snore at night? That your bra is a pushup? That that nice car is actually a lease? Your real feelings about marriage and children? What you really feel about their mother/father/friends? That you are unsure whether they're being honest with you? That you're really not that into them? That you're so into them that it blinds you every time you hear their voice? And you did it as soon as you met them, yes? Of course you did, because you don't play games. This whole post was positively brilliant. Sadly, it might be shunted away into an intellectual corner where it gathers dust. Worse, it will be rationalized into irrelevance by some tricky and dishonest reasoning. But I'm going to save it and post it every time there is a thread about honesty, games, and manipulation.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

do guys get Intimidated? Posted: 4/2/2007 9:56:47 AM
I have learned to hate the term “Independent Woman”. It has nothing to do with what they have - and everything to do with their attitude. I have just seen TOO MANY of them wear it around like a badge of honor. They just can not seem to give it a rest. Some of them are really bad - really bad ................... barf. THEN I read all of the “I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT AND IF HE DON’T LIKE IT HE CAN LUMP IT” - “I don’t need a damn man anyway”. I wish they would just STFU. Amen. I care little about a woman's financial success or material success or "independence" Is she pleasant, easy-going, tolerant, intelligent, attractive (to me), non-judgmental, willing to put my happiness equal to hers? That's what counts to me. It's been my direct and very consistent experience that women who loudly proclaim their independence have had none of the characteristics I am seeking in a woman. No biggie... plenty of fish out there.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

the Art of War Posted: 4/2/2007 9:22:20 AM
Anyone catch this line? Isn't it ironic though? Admitting to deception, cunning and guile is more honest than proclaiming honesty and not owning up to some of the games we don't even realise we play. Anyone? This is the most shockingly honest thing I have read on any of these forums.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 100 (view)

What makes him think................ Posted: 4/1/2007 6:49:49 PM
Here is the savage irony here - While that fellow in the club violated some very basic rules of etiquette, his boorish tactic worked. It worked incredibly well. It worked so well that this thread has gone on for a couple of months and four pages of postings. Imagine all the interactions we have with other people. They are usually pleasant and completely forgettable. Worse, compliments are usually ignored with a polite "thank you" and nothing more. But this rude fellow uses an old tactic to create an emotional response. He used the conflict between compliment and insult to create interest - negative interest in this case. So, we all excoriate him. Considering his rudeness, rightfully so. But consider this - we all remember this guy. He's probably using that exact same tactic to collect phone numbers and dates. Alas.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

I see every girl saying this, I can't understand it! Posted: 4/1/2007 3:23:37 PM
Don't forget: soul mate real man knight in shining armor Mr. Right Maybe the PoF moderator(s) need to start deleting profiles for excess meaningless cliche usage.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Dating International,Is It the Best? Posted: 3/30/2007 12:19:53 PM
This is a matter of opinion. However, the stigma of the "mail order bride" concept is being lifted quite quickly. The number of men seeking visas for such international romance has quadrupled in the past few years. If I had a friend who sought romance overseas, I would tell him to be careful but to go for it! Hey, there is nothing wrong with outsourcing brides. Globalization! Different cultures have different ways of looking at romance and marriage. Some might be more in tune with your world outlook, whatever that might be. I'm reminded of a crass joke told to me by a very sweet woman from Venezuela who is happily married to an American man. "When a Latin woman wants something from her husband, she spoils him. When an American woman wants something from her husband, she divorces him."

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Guys, if you met the right woman would you consider marriage? Posted: 3/28/2007 6:22:50 PM
No. A committed relationship, sure. But marriage is primarily a legal contract, just WORDS. I would rather have my ACTIONS of loyalty, support, devotion, passion, trust, sacrifice to be a living testament to my love. Anyone can sign a piece of paper. It's far more difficult to back it up with actions.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

Sex chat too fast Posted: 3/28/2007 6:19:17 AM
I've always been a bit perplexed by the quick, online transition to matters sexual. Sure, sex is quite the motivator but this business of excess prurience while online seems so cheap and tawdry. Despite our biological urges (for both women and men) there is still a real, live person typing away on the other end. I believe that learning about that other person and exchanging ideas is far more rewarding. Frankly, sex is way too easy a topic. As for those web cams, I will never own one and never will. Yikes!

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Ever have a crush on a cartoon? Posted: 3/27/2007 5:20:51 PM
All those Disney princesses. I remember seeing some wickedly accurate still images to show those princesses in rather adult situations. Wow!

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Out of the friend zone...For the guys, Who keep posting threads about this subject... Posted: 3/26/2007 10:24:09 AM
The OP is fundamentally correct. Certainly, women do mature and get wiser with age but the concept of the "Friend Zone" can be applied to all ages. Both men and women always want that visceral attraction. That's simply human nature. This problem has arisen because many women are wanting to maintain a public image that might be contrary to their essential human nature. They write "Looking for a nice guy" because they are supposed to say that. This is where the disconnect between words and actions start. The profile communicates all the things that she is supposed to be, not necessarily who she is. She might be a deeply sexual person. She might only respond to bad boys who make her libido soar. She might secretly want to be a "kept woman" and not worry about her job or career, just keeping a man happy and the house clean. Maybe she wants a strong, masculine, somewhat controlling man. Sadly, this single woman is more concerned with how society perceives her and much less about what she actually understands who she is. Now the man makes a terrible mistake. He actually reads the profiles of the women and takes them very seriously. He wrongfully assumes that the women are being honest with themselves. So, he writes a profile which (he believes) women will respond to. He describes himself as a "nice guy". He attempts to address all the requests of the single women. So, he makes up his own lies to address the lies of the women. The single man sends out some emails. He writes nice things. He writes compliments and pleasantries trying to convince the single woman that he matches her preferences in a man. He's also insecure and almost desperate to please. Now the fun really starts. The single woman, letting visceral attraction kick in, only responds to the men to whom she is honestly and genuinely attracted to. All the sweet words of nice guys who will respect her becomes instantly irrelevant as she looks at the emails and chat invitations. And to whom is she responded to? Confident, honest guys. Rich guys. Bad boys. Physically attractive men. She dates some of these guys. Many are "players" who have realized that they have the right combination of looks and personality (and maybe wealth) to make women swoon with pure, almost animalistic attraction. Unfortunately, too many of these men take advantage and then move on to the next woman. So, the single woman felt the attraction, hoped for a long-term relationship, and then discovered they have been "played". She complains loudly and quite publicly - and on her now revised profile - at how there are no nice, respectful men. Those are public words to convince the world that she's still the nice girl. Privately she fails to adjust her expectations and her attractions. But she simply can't easily change that deep, irrational attraction she feels. The cycle repeats itself. Again. She responds to a new man. The same thing happens - she has a brief yet very passionate relationship that ultimately goes nowhere. Then she responds to another man and a pattern is established. Soon, she becomes a serial dater, always looking for a man she is not attracted to and always finding men she is attracted to. That nice, single man is not having much luck with his emails and other attempts at finding a woman online. So, he starts talking to other guys, especially the confident guys who never seem to be without dates or girlfriends. The nice, single man learns the secret: be confident, don't be so nice, ignore what women say and focus on what they do. The nice guy slowly becomes a player. He becomes a player because it works. In fact, it works so well that he realizes he doesn't have to settle for any one woman. What started as blatant dishonesty has evolved into a sexual free-for-all with women in denial and players having a field day. Frankly, biology wins, as it should. This doesn't mean that biology must be destiny. It just means that we are foolish and dishonest to ignore it. Honesty is a difficult accomplishment when public expectations and private attraction don't necessarily match.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 300 (view)

For the Men Over 30 Posted: 3/25/2007 4:09:40 PM
Consider this quote told to a wife - "If your husband is happy, you're both doing something wrong." While it was probably told as a joke, the fact that it was said speaks volumes about the expectations of a man's happiness in marriage.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

cant or wont talk about his feeling? Posted: 3/23/2007 8:05:47 AM
I find that men that have the ability to express their feelings are more attractive. And that is your preference and subjective opinion. I strongly suspect that many (if not most) men have experienced women who find too much sensitivity and willingness to show emotions in a man is a turn-off. As has been stated before, men tend to show their feelings through their actions. We're men. We're different from women. Ain't it grand?!

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

would you think this was a little over board? Posted: 3/23/2007 6:53:24 AM
Yes. She knew you smoked. You were honest about it. She DECIDED on her own free will to go out with you. Yet she communicated (verbally, non-verbally, it matters not) that she didn't like your smoking. Hmmmm, her actions are clear (she went out with you) yet completely contradict her words and communication. Sorry, but this one is NOT a keeper - she's inconsistent and irrational.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 78 (view)

Come here go away. Posted: 3/22/2007 9:15:26 PM
I have a very dear older male friend who is a regular on these sites and he is totally typical. He will not even spend time with a woman who might imperil his precious wallet. If she ain't got her own everything he will not see her more than once and his friends are the same way. the wallet ain't gonna keep your warm or laugh at your jokes or even try to understand the changes that aging will bring. OK, here is the conundrum - Rightly or wrongly, a man's success - and too often, his attractiveness - is determined by his wallet. [ok, cue the crowd of women to post about how they don't care about how much a man earns or has in the bank. Sorry ladies, most men simply don't believe that because our experience has shown us otherwise.] So, a man guards his assets VERY carefully. Marriage is a shockingly huge financial risk for a man. If a relationship doesn't work out, a man needs to keep his financial assets so he can be appealing in the wonderful world of dating once he is single again. Imagine this scenario - when a woman marries a man, she hypothetically runs the risk of losing her teeth, hair, figure, skin tone, and a leg should the man decide to divorce and take those things from her. Do you think she would be appealing in the dating marketplace? If this were the case, NO woman would risk marriage.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 261 (view)

Over 45 men wanting athletic women??? Posted: 3/17/2007 6:59:14 PM
It's ludicrous. The whole weight thing is ludicrous. Why would we judge a person on weight? It's not ludicrous. It's about preferences, NOT making judgements. Attraction has so many facets involved. Why shouldn't appearance be part of that? And men over 45 who want athletic women? Hah - the should order mail-order brides... Actually, many do. The number of American men applying for "engagement" visas has quadrupled in the past five years. Again, this is an issue of physical preference. Your preferences might be broader than others. That's fine. But please don't judge others (or insult them, shame them, etc.) for merely having preferences relating to physical attraction. If I had a dollar for every time a female fishie has stated that I am poor match because I don't have a full head of hair then I would be able to afford a hair transplant! You stated your own preferences quite clearly: he communicates well, is intelligent, clean, handles his booty well and is fun to be around Those are preferences relating to attraction. I respect those. We all should respect your preferences. You should respect ours.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Solving a rat 'problem' (slight, mind you) and bringing over Ms. Right Posted: 3/13/2007 5:54:02 AM
Give the rat a name. With that simple act, household vermin becomes a beloved pet.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 73 (view)

why dont men get it? Posted: 3/11/2007 5:48:35 PM
dropped mega hints Yeah, right. You dropped mega hints if you were trying to pick up a woman. But no, you're trying to pick up a guy. Here's some advice - if you want to communicate something, don't use your own language, use the language or your audience. Dropping hints and then blaming the guy is a tactic for wee girls still in high school. Grow up, please.

twowheels

Joined: 11/13/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

using a sex buddy for sperm? Posted: 3/11/2007 5:35:04 PM
Ah, stealing sperm for selfish, biologically-driven reasons. Here's a lovely story from Craigslist which addresses exactly that (this was NOT me!) I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago: I got a vasectomy. I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company. I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl. We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully. Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity. At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri. So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it. Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically. It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready. I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared. She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?" Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper. I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately. I tell her simply, "You're screwed". Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared. I continue. "I am sterile" Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it." I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine." This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes." I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine." I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing. I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing. Epilogue - I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women. The Moral of the Story - Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

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