Here's one I've known for a long time... chat & forums.

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scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 27 (view)

Here's one I've known for a long time... Posted: 8/21/2009 8:49:19 AM
"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." --Albert Einstein

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 171 (view)

Equity question for women who have children... Posted: 1/1/2008 10:27:31 AM
Let's say you have just two children. You tell a new guy in your life that the kids will always be first, that he'll never be more important than #3. He tells you no problem, that you'll never be more important than #3 in his life, either. Do you: A) accept that as fair, or B) expect to be #1 in his life, while he's only #3 (at best) in yours, NOT an equitable situation, or C) Make him #1 in yours, so you both have what you want (arguably the Biblical view of marriage, incidentally, for those here who are Christian)?

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 51 (view)

Prenuptial Agreements and Maximum Child Support payment! Posted: 12/31/2007 7:32:13 AM
Several thoughts... 1) Estimates of what percentage of "child support" payments actually get spent on children range between 20-40%. 2) The custodial parent (90-95% of the time will be the mother, even if the father wanted them and has NOTHING to indicate he's any worse of a parent than the mother) has NO legal obligation to spend ANY of CS money on the kids. 3) The amount of money that foster parents are paid each month to take care of a child in their custody is what each state has determined is the REAL cost of adequately taking care of a child. I don't think that in justice that any mandatory involuntary interhousehold CS award should ever exceed that. Here's what those are (from an October 2007 report): The monthly rates recommended by the report, averaged out on a national basis, were $629 for 2-year-olds, $721 for 9-year-olds and $790 for 16-year-olds. Currently, the average actual monthly base rates offered by states are $488 for 2-year-olds, $509 for 9-year-olds and $568 for 16-year-olds. 4) Child support is historically (until relatively recently) been understood to be what a father provides HIS children in HIS household, and is not money but food, clothing, etc. If his children are removed from his household through no choice or fault of his own, arguably he has had his ability (and obligation) to provide CS removed as well, until such time as his still-minor children are returned to his household. 5) Any woman posting here that a legally blameless father hit by a no-fault divorce owes most of his income (no matter how much above the childrens's actual needs as defined in #3) as CS/alimony post-divorce, even if his ex is able-bodied and thus equally capable of working, is IMO going to permanently get crossed off the "marriageable" list by any male on this site who reads that post.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 8 (view)

Prenuptial Agreements and Maximum Child Support payment! Posted: 12/30/2007 9:59:29 AM
While any clause in a prenuptial agreement limiting child support will be ignored by all U.S. divorce courts, I have heard of one legal loophole that can work to the same end. Simply include a clause in a PA that whatever child support is awarded, she owes an equal amount to you as a private debt.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 253 (view)

WHY ARE WOMEN OVER 30 A FAILURE WHEN THEY ARE SINGLE AND CHILDLESS? Posted: 12/30/2007 9:05:54 AM
Back to the original thread topic... What is meant by "failure", when referring to >30-age childless women? Well, biologically, most are not going to have large families if they haven't started them by that point, often not even have children numbers at replacement levels (which incidentally is 3, not 2, unlike what most Westerners think now). That's just fact, given the majority of their fertile years are behind those with no children to show for that time. However, if a woman chooses to focus on a career to the exclusion of having a family, in effect living her life as a single (but productive) man historically has, then judging her life as a success or failure has to involve criteria than did she produce the next generation to replace herself and a man, when they both die and are gone from the Earth. I happen to believe that most jobs are not of trancendant value, not really great things for the world in the long run. Thus, I argue that most people will find they can make a real difference for good in the long run by having families, over trying to cure cancer, successfully fight eminent domain laws, restore the Constitution, end the income tax, fix immigration, reduce the divorce rate, take socialism out of the schools, or whatever worthy cause they settle into in preference to the hard but noble work of making and raising a good family.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 114 (view)

he pulls out Posted: 2/19/2007 4:37:44 AM
Well, it works like this for me. I feel less than fully accepted by my partner if I'm not leaving a little bit of myself inside her at the end. Heck, if there's not been complete fellatio in the relationship (or recently), I feel that way. That goes triple for intercourse where I don't finishe inside her sans condom. I'd just as soon skip actually having sex as do that. For those who think I'm at major STD risk, let me give you this thought. There is sex and sexual relationships where condoms are appropriate, and sex where they are not. I give the first type a miss, seeing not much point to them.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 234 (view)

At what point do you give up on Romance? Posted: 2/19/2007 4:29:26 AM
Well, if the guy is at all decent, if you're giving him good sex, and aren't causing him problems in his life, odds are he'll be motivated to try to give you the romance in turn that you need. You just have to let him know. Tell him OUTSIDE the bedroom, and unthreateningly.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 132 (view)

Honest Liars? Posted: 2/18/2007 6:47:34 PM
Whatever I am, I am honest. I've done everything I've claimed, and have every interest I've mentioned.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 136 (view)

Women Writing to Men First? Posted: 2/17/2007 6:49:46 PM
I like it when a woman writes to me first. I know that she's at least tentatively interested, for starters. Women on dating sites are reputed to get considerably more messages than guys on them do, especially if childless and under 40 (which is what I'm looking for). And, since I have a more elaborate (okay, long) profile than most other people here, men or women, we have more in common at our starting point, than if I messaged her based upon seeing a brief profile of hers with "If you want to know more about me, send me a message!".

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 106 (view)

It's not just the guys that won't read profiles before contacting... Posted: 2/17/2007 6:01:23 PM
The majority of the women who've messaged me have hardly looked at my profile before shooting off an e-mail. I know it's a long one, but there's lots of time-saving info in there. I just don't get it; I read women's profiles all the way through prior to messaging them.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 1495 (view)

Not being directly mentioned here... Posted: 2/16/2007 10:19:21 PM
Is how many women who have children are genuinely interested in dating a man, going by what they seem to think is an acceptable arrangement. When I've dated women with children, all too often the kids are right in the middle of everything right up until it's time for me to go home. The mother may be happy for me to come over and socialize with (e.g., entertain) her kids in between occasional brief, noncomplex verbal exchanges with her, as she runs around the house doing stuff for the kids. Going anywhere together usually ends up being running errands that either are directly for the kids (with them along, regardless of what my mood may be about having anyone else besides her with me right then) or are household chores, or are buying not just her, but all of them, a meal out (with more child- than adult-level conversation). For a woman I'd date who had 2 children, I would be buying 3 other people meals, but would get given one meal when she bought or cooked me one. Basically, all too often in my experience, women with children in the house who wish to "date" just seem to want someone around some of the time who will do things to help out that the father of her kids used to do. It gets back to the equity issue: a woman with children wants a man who dates her to accept being # (#of kids + 1) in her life, but expects to be #1 in his. A woman with 3 kids is expecting a man who dates her to never be more than #4 priority in her life, but would absolutely lose it if he indicated that she would thus be #4 priority person in his life. There's just no equity in such a relationship. If a woman I was otherwise attracted to who has children could figure out a way around this, I'd certainly be willing to give dating her a try.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 78 (view)

Most of what I thought when I read the initial post has been answered by other posters... Posted: 2/11/2007 10:38:58 PM
Except for these two thoughts: 1) It's a bit late for the original poster, but there was a way to have gotten to the same goal without a "have you been with anyone else during the 10 months?" direct question. She could have simply said to him, "I really care about you and want us to be only each other's. Isn't that what you want, too?" Odds are, he'd have thought quickly that yes, she's all he needs, and that he won't be with anyone else in the future (as long as this relationship goes on). This avoids the result she got, from asking the very different question "Have you been with anyone else since XXX?" 2) For someone who has been having regular sex with a person for 10 months not to have gone exclusive on their own, I'd suspect there is something they're not happy about. With guys, usually it's frequency/quality of sex, the costs inherent in the relationship (distance/money/time/anything that adds to what I call "the bull**** factor"). I'd recommend asking him what he's not happy about. By all means, do NOT do it in bed. Preferably, do it via e-mail or IM, not by phone. (By e-mail he gets a chance to think, and IM not really; your preference.) You'll get the clearest communication that way.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 15 (view)

what is love??? Posted: 2/11/2007 9:00:49 AM
My version, acquired through much soul-searching, pain, and joy... Love is when one special person represents the whole other sex to you. It's when their happiness is more important than your own, because you cannot be happy unless they are. It's when it's not a sacrifice to sacrifice for that person. Love is when their hand in yours means more than running through the whole Kama Sutra or Masters & Johnson with a famous Hollywood star would be. It's when you are sure that no matter what life problems arise, how hard things get, you would rather face life with them, than an easy life without them. Love is the spirit commanding you, that there is the other half of your soul, as necessary for life that is more than going through the motions as is the right half of a boat for keeping it afloat. Love is when you have found someone worthy of your best, when your best readily bubbles up from you, knowing that this is where it is supposed to go, that this is what your heroism as a man (or woman) has been waiting so long for. Love is when you want to commit to someone as certainly as you want to continue breathing air, and for essentially the same reason. Love is when you are made completely vulnerable to someone else, and your fear is a small thing compared with wanting them to be able to touch you, to touch your life, in every way. Love ardently seeks ways to be together, to trust, to love, not looking for ways to not be together, to not trust, to not love. (You tend to find what you seek, after all, and why not seek love instead of its absence?) Love forgives all, seventy times seven. Love is what we need to give and get more than anything else in the world. Love is what we know we have, or don't have, in our lives the most when we are in our beds, about to go to sleep for the night.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 24 (view)

Latest thoughts... Posted: 2/10/2007 6:31:00 AM
I've substantially reworked my profile. Have at it.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 23 (view)

Latest thoughts... Posted: 2/10/2007 4:21:38 AM
Re my "having been on POF two years": I was inactive for almost all of that time. I only came back to the site within the last week. A woman having children who need a father... Yes, that's true enough. But, need does not justify a claim, not on someone unaffiliated with them. Most of the time, an unattached woman who has children mostly seems to just need someone to do things for her, and can't really do much in return for someone else. They generally just don't have their lives together enough to be able to offer a genuine relationship that is relatively equitable. There are exceptions, but most people aren't exceptions, by definition. Whatever a person's views on charity, usually people want to find the best person they can FOR THEM. If someone else's "need" was the only consideration, everyone reading this would have started their search for a man/woman to date at the Waterfront Mission, local homeless shelter or halfway house, etc. Too, being a stepparent is a classic "duties without rights, required to act loving even when you're probably not loved" situation. It's a bit like being married to someone, when they're not married to you. Anyway, the ideal father for the children is most often their original father, the one the mother did marry/should have married, and I would not want to be in the way of the two of them reconciling one day. A conservative man being "unmarriageable"... Not at all; in fact we are much better marriage material than liberal men. (I will add that virtually every woman that has dated me for 3 months has wanted marriage with me, and yes, there have been some.) There is a pretty good article available online on this subject by a friend of mine named Bernard Chapin entitled "Dating Suggestions for the Conservative Male". Some excerpts from it (yes, I have permission to publish it): =========================================================== "“Yes, I’m a conservative but what girl in their right mind would want a man who wasn’t?” That’s a tough one because it’s accurate. Conservative men make the best fathers. (If the girl has no interest in marriage, see rule 2 above. Deploy in the short-term and then get out!) What kind of woman wants to marry a Bill Clinton relativist type anyway? No sane one, that’s for sure. If your motto is “smash monogamy” then you have no business getting married in the first place. Those guys view being faithful as “a part-time reality” and will skillfully deconstruct their vows anytime their wives leave the room. Society doesn’t need any more of them and point out to her how you’re superior." "Make sure to tell them that these “feminist” guys are the first ones who’ll stab them in the back. They’ll faultlessly confess “I gotta be me, you gotta be you, and that’s why I did your sister.” Some analysis. I’ve received lectures from these losers before and they’re hypocritical scum. Oh, sure, Bern’s an anti-radical feminist but these guys are the ones who go around lying all the time. At least conservative men are more likely to honestly say what we think. Under the amphibian constrains of political correctness no one, particularly leftist man, can live a life as a legitimate human being. These guys don’t care about family and view children as a hassle or being perspective friends. Children are neither and these bozos will never be the paternal type. We are. Even if these girls outwardly hate conservatives, there’s something deep in the genes that warmly receives us. Most girls are not looking for a [female dog] and could never respect someone they dominate all the time. We fill an inherent need in their longterm plans even if it takes a while for them to appreciate it. What about the conservative lifestyle? Is a coke-head or a guy who smokes so much dope that he can barely walk up a flight of stairs an attractive option for anyone? Eventually they’ll see these guys for the waste of life that they are. Conservative men take women to places they’ll long remember. We’ll never say “Baby, let’s pack some tofu and get in the hybrid to go chant at the Pentagon” but we’ll be the first to stop the chatter and appreciate the things in life that are most important. Conservative man is far more likely to take someone to the symphony to hear the classics. Both conservative man and his Bach are well-tempered. There’s no need to see some guy atop a lama playing a sonata he wrote in the bathtub the week before. No, our existence is too short for gimmicks and the conservative man isn’t afraid to say so. Once your identity is uncovered, it’s time to play your Mozart, rub her neck, shut the blinds and ignite the kind of fireworks that only a conservative man can produce."

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 17 (view)

P.S.: Posted: 2/8/2007 9:53:42 PM
What I did in describing a possible first date was to describe some harmless, safe flirting (in a public place, how could it be unsafe?). Nonetheless, if my wording unsettles some people, obviously that part should be redone. Feminist women... They generally are terribly critical of even the best men, typically will put their careers above marriage and family, generally cannot accept any division of responsibilities in marriage as equitable, and take seriously the opinions of some of the most deranged people in public life today. I see and hear quite enough of them as I go through my public life. Why would I want to let one into my private life? Scientist women... There still aren't all that many of them, not in the hard sciences (where I work), and the ones that want families generally are impelled by the limits of their biology to leave their work on average much earlier in their lives than do men. The ones that stay with fulltime careers much past their mid-20s have by default made family a lower priority (if any priority). I just don't see much chance of meeting one through my work, not when of the 60 or so people I've met in the last 2 years of my work that do what I do, only 1 was a woman, and that one was a feminist and married (if insecurely). ======================================================= There are a lot of good responses above, if more informative than kind. Thank you all for what you've said so far.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 16 (view)

Some answers... Posted: 2/8/2007 9:39:25 PM
No, I'm not looking for a woman in her teens. My ideal is 28-32. That's too narrow to be what I put down, though. Cats -- no, they don't belong inside, at least where I live. Whatever house they live in, they turn it into pretty much just their house. I need some place to live, and can't see paying rent on a place dedicated to cats rather than people, where I'm not really welcome. There is a whole universe where there can be cats; let the dwelling I live be one place where there aren't any. I like dogs (if they're not bait-sized, at least 20 pounds) as much as I do birds. Physical requirements... This is a tricky concern IMO. While still a bit stocky, I am in pretty good shape with how much I exercise (over 3 hours fast walking most days now). I'm not as slender as the people I'm a peer with for how much I can do, and routinely outdistance the people with bodies that look like mine. (I was routinely doing 15-mile days at the end of my Appalachian Trail thruhike last year, with 3 days over 18 miles.) Basically, I'm heavier than the fast, and faster than the (also) heavy. How do I resolve this? Scientist type... I'm a geologist (master's-level). I work in the petroleum industry. The majority of the time I'm on projects in the Rocky Mountains. However, in 2005, I also did projects in California, offshore Louisiana (evacuated for Hurricane Katrina, as a matter of fact), and Alaska (both the Kenai Peninsula and the North Slope above the Arctic Circle). When the oil industry has been in the toilet, I also work in the biotech field (have two papers published in this, and two patents in the works) and environmental science, FWIW. Overseas... Spent 3 years in Japan, 20 months in Taiwan, 6 months in Europe, and have also visited South America, Korea, Guam, and the Phillippines. Not sure how to comment succinctly on the job and where-I've-traveled subjects, though.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 11 (view)

An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think... Posted: 2/7/2007 10:05:49 AM
Thank you for all the replies. This was very useful. Two quick responses (I'll say more later when I have time): 1) Taking out the negative stuff is a very good point. 2) The reason for the age cutoff of 36 is because I want to start a family. Fertility in women (but not men) starts to go down at a pretty good clip at 27, and past about 35 tends to be very low. It's not that I'm not attracted to women of my own age; it's just that I probably would not get to have children of my own if I married a woman of 40+, losing out on something of tremendous importance to giving my life ultimate meaning. (I have no interest in adoption or trying to be Daddy to another man's children, whom I won't have known all along.)

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 11 (view)

mall of america have u been there? Posted: 2/6/2007 9:53:12 PM
Been to the Mall of America a number of times... Big place with lots of stores. Not cheap, though. You'd do better at big outlet malls or specialty shops (located where rents, and thus item prices, are lower) IMO. Also, I believe that the MOA management won't allow a store that is going out of business to mention that on a sign.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 22 (view)

Valentine's Day... Posted: 2/6/2007 9:50:15 PM
The holiday that all men think should be moved to February 29th.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 614 (view)

Mail order brides Posted: 2/6/2007 9:48:15 PM
Or, maybe they just want to look for a wife among a group of women that aren't constantly critical of men.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think... Posted: 2/6/2007 9:42:51 PM
I put enough in there, I know that my profile will get some strong opinions. I welcome them; go ahead and tell me what you think. As all men (including at times certainly including me) notoriously habitually fail at understanding women, I figure that women members will likely have more that is useful to tell me.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 179 (view)

so what is it that men really want????? Posted: 2/6/2007 9:36:12 PM
Love us. Like our touch. Want to be with us. Let us still be men, have hobbies and friends. Feed us sometimes. Always round up sexually; don't turn us down much or badly. Don't make us insecure about you being faithful to us. Don't make us feel used or that we are wasting our time. Praise us. Never share intimate secrets about us with your friends. Make us feel that we are unique. Don't make us feel guilty about working too much or out of town. Never insult our penis length or how much money we make (if we have jobs), the price of our car or our house size. Get along with our friends and family. Don't buy any cats or bring any inside the house. Don't fill the house with all sorts of woman stuff (crafts, etc.) that makes us feel it's not our house, that there's no place for us there. Don't put all those little square or circular pillows all over the bed and couches. Have glasses and bowls big enough to hold servings that will satisfy us. (Hint: 16 or 32+ oz. glasses and bowls big enough to hold almost a whole box of cereal fill the bill.) Don't communicate with us by hints; on relationship stuff, we usually have to get hit with things between the eyes to grasp them, so be very direct when you have to tell us something. Don't let our snoring drive you into sleeping in another room. Accept that even though we have a hard time remembering birthdays and anniversaries, we still love you. And, remember to love us. Encourage us in the endeavors that are important to us. Find a way to respect what we do. Be what I call "the wing beneath my wings, not the glue beneath my feet". And love us.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 78 (view)

Have you, yourself ever dated someone that you met online ? Posted: 2/6/2007 9:22:43 PM
Online is the primary way I've met women since I split from my wife in '03. I accept that most women aren't going to be interested in me from what they can see on my profile (oh, what they don't know... ) ). I also accept that many women I see online have something that absolutely prevents them from being right for me from my POV. Throw in that most women on a site that I spend time on that could be compatible with me, will never even know I was on that site, so they and I won't even get the chance to size each other up. This makes it seem as if there is practically no one that will be a good match for a particular person, and that there is no point to trying to meet someone this way. True and false, respectively. There are so many singles online now, that there are hundreds if not thousands of people of the opposite sex out there that would be pretty good, quite decent matches. It's just a game of spending the time and accepting the ego hits to keep looking long enough.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 80 (view)

On dealing with a woman partner that doesn't like receiving oral... Posted: 2/6/2007 9:12:00 PM
Actually, it's not rare. In my experience, many woman have admitted they have never cared for that, that it does nothing for them, no matter how much they like other sexual activities. A number of women have told me that they want intercourse and fellatio in the relationship, but feel no need to have cunnilingus be a part of their sex life. I actually handle women having either alternative of a strong desire for it, or not wanting it at all, rather well IMO. Cunnilingus only does something for me if the woman enjoys it. So, if she doesn't want it, neither do I, and I don't miss it. Now, if you're talking about a woman who doesn't have in her nonreluctantly giving oral to the man she loves, that's a very different situation, at least for me.

scientistguy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

Valentine's Day Rules? Posted: 2/6/2007 6:44:18 PM
Well, first off, there is no good way to break up with someone. There are bad, and worse, ones. I think she should do it ASAP when she knows it's not going to work out, and to do so with finality. It should not be dragged out, giving him false hope, etc., etc. And, no mercy sex.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 12 (view)

Piercings...Sexy??? Posted: 4/20/2005 9:23:40 AM
http://www.sillyjokes.co.uk/images/dress-up/masks/horror/frankenstein.jpg

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 9 (view)

AGE DIFFERENCE IN DATING Posted: 4/20/2005 9:08:51 AM
Everyone here is leaving out the most obvious issue about major age differences between people who get involved with each other. A 45-YO man and a 25-YO woman can almost certainly still have children together, while a 45-YO woman and a 25-YO man cannot. Some people will consider that an advantage, if they don't want children, either in general, or at that time. If they do, though, then it works the other way. For example, I'm 43, and want to find a woman to marry and have a family together with. If I accepted a woman my own age, I'd almost certainly be SOL, so I have to hold out for one who is younger, say, under 33, preferably.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 20 (view)

The confirmed bachelor/bachelorette Posted: 4/20/2005 9:01:02 AM
By the way, the correct term for a female who is a never-married single past youth is "spinster", not "bachelorette".

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 42 (view)

Younger Women - Older Men Posted: 4/13/2005 5:05:15 PM
Meow, I'm not looking for an 18-YO. I don't expect sufficient maturity for my standards to be common under age 26 (it's hardly universal in women substantially older). Also, no, I don't intend for a second for my future wife to deliver out in the bush. I intend to have a home near a major city there, simply having a vacation cabin out in the woods, just as people often do in the lower 48.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 41 (view)

Younger Women - Older Men Posted: 4/13/2005 5:05:04 PM
Meow, I'm not looking for an 18-YO. I don't expect sufficient maturity for my standards to be common under age 26 (it's hardly universal in women substantially older). Also, no, I don't intend for a second for my future wife to deliver out in the bush. I intend to have a home near a major city there, simply having a vacation cabin out in the woods, just as people often do in the lower 48.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 9 (view)

Why are older women not into younger guys??? Posted: 4/13/2005 4:47:21 PM
Here's why: The strong tendency that women of all ages have in their dating/marital selection called HYPERGAMY.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 39 (view)

Younger Women - Older Men Posted: 4/13/2005 4:18:44 PM
SP said: "I don't think that love should be based on science . " What I have done here is analyze what people mostly do anyway, either consciously or by instinct. Guys will generally prefer younger women BC that inclination has been selected for evolutionarily, since younger women are far more likely to be able to have children, to have healthier ones (the risk of a mother giving birth to a baby with Down's syndrome goes up about 50 times from age 24 to age 44), and to have more of them. Women will continue to generally preferentially seek out men who they perceive (consciously or not) as above average in their gene quality and ability to provide for children she bears, even if consciously she does not intend to have any children from that relationship. Try imagining agreeing to start dating a chronically unemployed bald midget, and you'll feel at a primal level exactly what I'm talking about. For people who do NOT follow those tendencies (guys who are only ever attracted to women over 40 during their lives, or women who don't care if a man has a source of income or gets jailed a lot), every generation their genes tend to get removed from the gene pool. You ought to read those three articles I posted links to; it shouldn't take you twenty minutes. For anyone who wants to understand dating/mating strategies better, I suggest reading the appropriate chapter in Richard Dawkin's excellent book "The Selfish Gene". Anyone who deservedly graduated from high school should be able to get through it.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 38 (view)

Younger Women - Older Men Posted: 4/13/2005 4:07:16 PM
Meow said: "point is not when its for the sake of leaving a child to have an egotistical man's name." My motivation to marry and start a family is not to pass on my last name (it's one of the more common ones in America, I might add). It's because I want to be a husband and father. Anyway, I'd like to see most high school kids keep up with ME.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 32 (view)

Younger Women - Older Men Posted: 4/13/2005 2:13:59 PM
Meow, I hiked over 9 miles yesterday with a heavy pack through mountains. 2 of the 3 guys I currently work with are substantially younger than I am (13-20 years younger, to be exact), and they couldn't do that if their life depended upon it. I also don't smoke, hardly drink, don't do drugs, and eat a very healthy diet. The only issue I have is weight, and it's going down fast. I'm probably going to be around a while.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 25 (view)

Younger Women - Older Men Posted: 4/13/2005 1:17:03 PM
Important point here... Older men/younger women makes far more sense as a family-forming unit than does older women/younger men. That is primarily BC women have lost on average almost all their ability to have children by their early 40s, while men can still father children for up to decades later. I'm 43, and looking for a woman to marry I can have children with. If I went with a woman my own age, that would mean largely giving up that dream and goal. I really need to find a woman no older than mid-30s, preferably somewhat younger. Fortunately, most women prefer or at least don't mind guys being at least somewhat older. This is part of what is called by psychologists as HYPERGAMY, or preferentially seeking males that are older, better-educated, higher social status, or have higher income. However, the age part of this has been weakened somewhat IMO by girls and young women becoming habituated to dating classmate males in school, who are typically very close to them in age. At the late high-school level and beyond, this similiar-age dating is actually fairly maladaptive, as biologically the women are ready for marriage and starting a family, while the men are typically nowhere near economically ready to provide for a wife and family. (They can impregnate them, and pass along STDs to them, though, but that's about it, other than recreation.) When the women are substantially older than the men, ideally the women would be beyond child-bearing age (or don't want to have children), as only very infrequently do men marry women who are, say, ten or more years older than themselves. If a woman of 35 who wants children dates a man who is 24, odds are he will not marry her (and calulates correctly he still has oodles of time yet in which to have children), and meanwhile she may be in her last relationship before she runs out of fertility due to advancing age. As able as a younger man may be at coital athleticism, I would expect that for many women under the age of 40 they are time wasters if stayed with beyond short-term comfort (and short-term sexual relationships are an increasingly bad idea in an age of multiple incurable STDs). Limerick about older women from the point of view of not-so-old men, allegedly coined by Benjamin Franklin: "They don't tell; they don't swell (get PG); and, they're grateful as h***." At older ages such as 60+, men are much more likely to be impotent from circulatory system or prostate issues than at previous ages, if they are even alive. Remember that women outlive men by an average of 4-8 years, depending on the study. In the nursing homes, women outnumber men by an average of something like 4:1. At these ages, holding out for older men may not be a good strategy for women. I've heard from a couple of sources that men commonly date younger women primarily for low-B.S. sex, and in some cases for their money, but hesitate to generalize on that. Here is a set of no-holds-barred articles on the subject of older women/younger men, in order from first highest to last lowest: http://mensnewsdaily.com/archive/c-e/chapin/03/chapin122303.htm http://mensnewsdaily.com/archive/c-e/chapin/03/chapin122803.htm http://mensnewsdaily.com/archive/c-e/chapin/2004/chapin010204.htm So, even at the high school level, and continuing all the way to almost Social Security age, it makes the most fundamental kind of sense for women to date men who are older than themselves.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 92 (view)

Where are all the GOOD GUYS at??? Posted: 4/13/2005 11:36:31 AM
KR, even if you don't agree with my preferences, the ones I mentioned still arguably cover points most guys would consider critical. Would a woman who was routinely unfaithful, violent, grossly financially irresponsible, addicted to an illegal drug, etc., qualify to most guys as a good woman? Surely not.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 87 (view)

Where are all the GOOD GUYS at??? Posted: 4/13/2005 8:48:43 AM
I consider myself a good guy, being healthy, regularly work out (walk hilly roads with a heavy pack over 25 miles a week currently), honorable, have a Master's degree, am employed at a good job, want to marry and start a family, and with few or no vices. I'm holding out for a good woman. I define such a woman as having these characteristics (including but not only): 1) Does not have any children. 2) Wants to have children (ideally 2 - 4). 3) Young enough to still have a reasonable chance at having children (e.g., under age 33). 4) Faithful, even if I have to be out of town for extended periods of time due to my work. Generally honorable and honest. 5) Does not want to be a man. 6) Does not want me to be a woman. 7) Physically healthy and able, the same race as I am, and intelligent. 8) Not unreasonable appearance. I'm not looking for a beauty queen, considering many other attributes far more important than moderate differences in attractiveness. However, I could not bring myself to date or marry a woman who was 300 pounds or a 28AA bra size. (Hair length longer than a typical conservative man's hair style is on the expected list, too.) 9) Generally similiar beliefs and values, e.g., should be contemptuous of feminism/socialism/anti-white racism such as affirmative action, doesn't want America to become Northern Mexico, not anti-gun, nonenvironmentalist, noncreationist, believes if people need a helping hand they should look at the end of their arm or to family, has no problem grasping that homosexuals and women who give birth outside of marriage are tragic messed up people not to be emulated (or time/money spent enabling) in any way who are responsible for their own problems, believes that the man deserves an equal say in the decision to bring children into the world, etc. 10) Does not believe in divorce for reasons other than those allowed for the >80% of American history pre-1960s, e.g, infidelity, drug use, desertion, infertility, etc. ("I'm bored", "You're not as good in bed now as you were 25 years ago", "You don't make as much money as this guy I used to date/my best friend's husband does", or "You're away at work too much" don't qualify.) 11) Would rather raise her own children in preference to institutionalizing them (also known as putting them in nonrelative day care). 12) Is well-read, loves to read, and early on in a relationship would want to read the twenty or so books that are most important to me. Would generally rather read a good book than watch TV, and agrees with me that TV access for kids makes about as much sense as allowing tobacco and illegal drug use by them. 13) Considers as I do the public schools to be an unsafe immoral cesspool that mostly indoctrinate in leftist gobbledygook rather than teach academics, and would prefer to homeschool. 14) Has/had a close healthy relationship with her parents, especially her father. 15) Was raised exposed to a good marital role model, so can be expected to emulate that type of marriage rather than the divorce/illegitimacy model so many children are "raised" under these days. That means that her parents were married before her birth, she was raised in an intact marital household, and her parents are still faithfully married and residing together if still alive. 16) Can be religious or not, but should be noncreationist, pro-choice WRT pregnancies that will result in a handicapped child, and would not neglect her family by attending church more than once a week. 17) Has some domestic skills and is willing to use them as part of making the family unit survive and prosper. Cannot think she is nobility (which we don't recognize any Americans as in any event) so never has to do any physical work to help out her family. 18) In a conflict between a job and her marriage and family, would choose her marriage and family. 19) Highly affectionate and sexual, but not open to flirting with other men once committed to me. Should not insist on going to bars/dance halls with sexually active single/divorced/maritally unfaithful female friends without me. Should be reasonably modest in dress in public. No lesbian past nor tendencies. 20) No weirdness or big problems like gambling, alcoholism, tobacco use at any level, other drug use, occult/astrological/New Age beliefs, any tatooing, piercing beyond 1 set modest earrings, etc. 21) Neither has nor would ever want cats inside where she lived, as in my experience they typically make entire houses filthy and not places I can live (and certainly would not help pay rent or mortgage payments on). 22) Remotely similiar tastes in food. Means will try new things, enjoys Oriental food, likes healthy food like whole-grains and lots of vegetables (would never bring white bread into the house), but preferably not a vegetarian (especially the evangelistic/vegan ones). 23) Financially responsible. Means negligible credit card use or debts, lives within her means, and is a saver. Should respond to lowered income with lowered spending, pays bills on time, and doesn't bounce checks. 24) Emotionally stable and nonviolent. Does not engage in behavior like destroying my possessions during PMS or because I had to work late one night without much notice. 25) Will learn something about my interests and hobbies, and would at least consider going hiking with me. 26) Remotely similiar musical tastes, meaning would not want to loudly play [c]rap/"alternative"/country music with maximum twang most of the time. I don't think those are unreasonable expectations, although women on this site that radically differ in many of those areas will no doubt disagree.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 77 (view)

Single lonely mom 4 kids Posted: 4/12/2005 2:18:36 PM
Juces, you said: "I don[']t look at the flaws of the other person" If you give no consideration to flaws someone you are thinking about becoming involved with has, you would be the only person on the planet to act that way.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 51 (view)

Why don't people like to use condoms when we know there are deadly diseases we can catch? Posted: 4/12/2005 7:24:48 AM
It'd be interesting to know how many of the women here who insist upon condoms ever have them on their partners during extended bouts of fellatio. Likewise, I wonder if they want a plastic dropcloth (the type that is used when painting) between them and their partner when receiving cunnilingus? I would sum up the situation thusly: there is sex that condoms are appropriate for, and sex that it is not appropriate for. For many reasons besides pure sensation, many males will feel that the first type is not worth it (feeling that it's more like disinterested cybersex than meaningful lovemaking), and avoid it. I understand their thinking completely.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 75 (view)

Single lonely mom 4 kids Posted: 4/12/2005 6:36:13 AM
Criss, here's an easy way to get clarity on your situation. Imagine your likely response if an interesting, attractive guy you were talking to let on that he was a single parent with eight children at home. How much would he have to have going for him for you to continue being interested in possibly dating him? He has four more kids than you do, with all that entails. Well, when childless unattached guys talk to you, and find out you have four children, they are also considering someone who has four more children than they do. Put yourself in their shoes; how much would you think you would have to have going for you for them to rationally pick being with you over women with no children? Just being a decent cook, having a good sense of humor, or a nice body that you're willing to share isn't going to do it IMO; there are millions of unattached childless women with one or more of those attributes. Anyway, past late twenties, most guys start wanting more from a woman than her having a trapeze mounted on the ceiling above her bed. Think of it as salesmanship; how can you convince a worthwhile guy that you are as a package a good deal? I'd advise looking for guys with custody of multiple children who don't earn significantly more than you do; that way, everyone's negatives cancel out. Good luck; I expect you'll need it.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 26 (view)

What would you if you found out.......?????? Posted: 4/12/2005 6:15:50 AM
I would get up, silently walk out, destroy all contact information I had of theirs (address, phone #, e-mail address, etc.), and refuse all contact attempts they ever made again. My reasoning is as follows: 1) I don't believe there is such a thing as operations that change one's sex. A man who has had such an operation does not become a woman, but a mutilated man. His karyotype (chromosones) would not have changed, and neither would his experiences as a male growing up. I have no inclination whatsoever to have sex or a sexually-based relationship with a man, and never will. 2) A man that has an operation that he thinks will change his sex, and then tries to have sex with another man is simply another type of homosexual man IMO, albeit one that is sneakier and probably even more screwed-up than the average homo. I wouldn't even want someone with that many problems as a friend. 3) Anyone attempting what you described in your lead post has engaged in fraudulent behavior, a type fundamentally comparable to or worse IMO than someone conveniently "forgetting" about currently having a spouse or an incurable STD before preparing to have sex with me. I have no tolerance for dishonesty of that magnitude in anyone (not just in women that I date, but friends, neighbors, relatives, etc.), and would instantly, completely, and permanently purge them from my life to the maximum extent practical. I believe completely in the adage that "The dishonest have nothing to offer the honest.".

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 67 (view)

Single lonely mom 4 kids Posted: 4/8/2005 6:06:34 AM
Criss, if I understand what you correctly, you said you were looking for an unselfish guy, who didn't want sex. Putting myself in the mind of the guys who routinely just keep on going when they find out you have 4 kids already in the house, I'd like to ask you: 1) Why don't you think a guy should be selfish about looking out for his own interests? 2) If a guy already has friends, especially if he has all he has time for, and ones that can go do things with him (go rock climbing over the weekend on an hour's notice, say), why would he want to reduce the time he spends with them to be with someone whose only difference in what they can offer him is the perpetual serious hassle factor of having a bunch of kids in the house? 3) If a guy wouldn't want to have 4 kids of his own (and few do these days), what do you think the odds would be that he would want 4 kids of someone else's? The way I figure it, the bulk of the guys who want that many kids will generally already have them by a fairly young age, practically always before 40. I'm something of an exception, in that I am currently childless, but wish to remarry and have 2-3 children. I'm not an exception, however, in that I have no interest in adopting children of any age; they're mine biologically, or I won't share a roof with them (not counting when my or my next wife's nieces/nephews visit, friends of our kids sleep over, etc.). There's a deep biological instinct at work here, that can't be denied, legislated away, or guilt-tripped out of people, whether men or women. People that would rather dedicate their lives to caring for other people's children, rather than producing and caring for their own biological offspring, will be selected out of the gene pool to some extent every generation. It's an evolutionary things, similiar to men generally finding younger women (18 - 28, say) the most attractive; they are far more likely to be fertile than 40-YO+ women. Men that always preferred older women in general even when young themselves would be selected out in every generation. Is it absolutely out of the question to reconcile with the children's father? He's the one guy on Earth that would likely be least bothered by their presence, all else being remotely equal...

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 28 (view)

Master Strategies for Meeting the Opposite Sex Posted: 4/7/2005 1:08:23 PM
I've heard this is the best possible pickup line for men to use that can be imagined: "Hi, I'm a billionaire!" The worst one would probably be something like "Hi, do you cook and clean?", right up with "I miss my mommy. Would you be my mommy?". For women, the best one might be something like mentioning how your father owns a liquor store/Harley-Davidson dealership/huge underutilizeded deep-sea fishing boat/professional sports team (and always has spare front-row seat tickets), and how you'll do just anything in bed since all you care about is making your man happy. The worst one for women? Well, telling them that your beliefs would make you celibate even after marriage, or about your five constantly-in-trouble kids with expensive health problems whose situations rarely let you out of the house ought to do it...

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 46 (view)

How much do you like intelligence? Posted: 4/7/2005 12:49:37 PM
Intelligence in a woman is WONDERFUL. The more, the better. The smarter a woman is, the better she can on average handle life, manage to be and stay interesting, and have a sense of proportion about everything. The more intelligent women are far more likely to be assets WRT to my work and to fit in socially, whatever level life finds me in. They know on the average better how to take care of themselves, so they'll be around longer. I can talk to them about what I'm doing at work lately (I'm a scientist) and not have them bored enough within 15 seconds to turn on the TV and raise the volume so they can't hear me. They're better able to take care of kids well, from feeding them nutritiously (hint: doesn't involve fast food, fried food, white bread, or soft drinks) to being better able to properly supervise kids' schooling if I'm out in the field with my job and not able to be involved in doing it. They have a better sense of humor, at the least understanding all of my jokes. Oh, and holding everything else like health, appearance, and generosity of spirit constant, they are practically always better in bed. Give me a woman with as much in the way of brains as possible, please.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 72 (view)

Would you date a woman/man with kids,yes/no and why? Posted: 4/7/2005 12:33:35 PM
No. Period. Learned my lesson on this one a while back. If a woman I was considering dating or marrying had kids already.. She can't really travel even in the beginning of the relationship, not with the speed/flexibility/inexpensiveness that the childless can. Dating a woman who already has children in the house means that you lose out forever (or until retirement, if you both live that long, and your bodies hold together, neither guaranteed) on that phase of being together that so many people treasure. I personally want to date and marry someone who can and will go on months-long hiking trips with me; what woman with multiple kids aged 2 - 12 in the house is going to do that? Not only does it mean that either she doen't want more kids, or likely won't want as many as I would want. Their kids' bad habits (from the part of their upbringing I wasn't involved in) will inevitably affect the kids I would have together with such a woman, if I married her. Then, there's the feeling of being used by raising some other guy's progeny, that he may not have even wanted. (He may have had a good reason for wanting nothing more to do with them, too...) The feeling would be too much like having volunteered to be the human equivalent of targets of cowbirds, magpies, or whydahs, or having your taxes doubled when your income has stayed the same. Too, the prospect of years of getting told "You're not my dad! I don't have to do what you tell me to do! F*** you!!!" is not particularly enticing. If you marry a person who already had children, not for one moment will you ever be the most important person in their life. It's a bit like intentionally marrying someone who already has an ongoing affair on the side that they don't intend to end for, oh, a couple of decades at least. I'm not arguing that the parent who gets custody after a divorce should put them up for adoption, Rather, that it would be wisest to figure that any parent with children still in their home is already spoken for, and not available for dating while the kids are still around. If a woman is over 40 by the time the kids leave, IMO she has all but missed the boat for remarriage, given why men marry (mostly to have children) and the shortage of available men willing to marry women over 40. Plus, even if she had kids, but they have moved out, there is a nontrivial chance they'll want to move back in with mom (and you, no matter how you feel about it) when they flunk out of college, decide they don't like working for a living/paying rent, screw up a marriage when they have multiple small children (who, with my luck, would be kleptomaniacs, pyromaniacs, colicky, or would have some horrifically expensive chronic medical problem). Then, there's considerable movement in the laws in this country toward where some people who married a person who already had children (and never adopted them) have ended up having to pay child support for those children no one says they produced or ever agreed to be responsible for. Marry a woman with a 2-YO, stay with her less than 3 years, and end up on the hook for half or more of your incomefor another 15+ years, all the way through college and maybe grad school. So much for ever being able to start your own family with another woman... No to dating or marrying women with children in the house of any age, or marrying ones whose kids have left, but whose kids are under, say, age 30. It's just too likely to end up being worse than being alone.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 4 (view)

Invited to weddings Posted: 4/6/2005 2:30:59 PM
Why weddings even exist in the first place: I have several theories on this. Of course, they are partially to make the intended couple both go through with getting married, and to place rather more importance on fulfilling vows (fidelity, staying together, etc.) made publicly than privately made ones, etc. However, I think there are a couple of other purposes that not everyone thinks of. 1) It gives other people the idea, both men and women, or makes their inclination to marry even stronger, if they had it already. 2) It brings together people who would not have met otherwise, and to a large degree screens them. Except perhaps for BFs/GFs, people at weddings are pretty much known quantities to multiple attendees.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

Robert Herrick's "To The Virgins" Posted: 4/5/2005 5:16:00 PM
http://www.ftrain.com/poem_to_the_virgins.html To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time By Robert Herrick Gather ye rosebuds while ye may... Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old time is still a-flying; And this same flower that smiles today Tomorrow will be dying. The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun, The higher he's a-getting, The sooner will his race be run, And nearer he's to setting. That age is best which is the first, When youth and blood are warmer; But being spent, the worse, and worst Times still succeed the former. Then be not coy, but use your time, And, while ye may, go marry; For, having lost but once your prime, You may forever tarry.

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 53 (view)

Kissing Posted: 4/5/2005 5:08:47 PM
About kissing... I find prolonged kissing a woman to be unfulfilling unless it involves caressing her breasts as well. Since early on in a relationship many women find the latter to be a big step forward (that they may or may not be ready for), I find that something else tends to work out better as a way of acting to express more than affection, less than sex. That is extended backrubs. If that is bestowed upon a women for several hours with any kind of skill and feeling, it is at least as pleasing to the woman as kissing for that length of time would be, if not more so...

ScientistGuy

Joined: 12/1/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

'messages from deleted users' doesn't work? Posted: 4/5/2005 4:45:08 PM
Great. My most recent message was from someone whose profile was deleted shortly after they messaged me, and before I got a chance to read it. Now I'll never know what they were like, or had to say.

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