Halloween costumes: You, a special somone, or crazy ideas chat & forums.

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Thread: Halloween costumes: You, a special somone, or crazy ideas

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 17 (view)

Halloween costumes: You, a special somone, or crazy ideas Posted: 10/30/2007 7:00:07 AM
I can't decide between two costumes. I can either wear a fly costume(with fly head and wings),throw a poncho over it, and wear a sombrero;I'd be a Spanish Fly. Or, I could wear the poncho and sombrero with an alien mask and call myself The Mexican Alien.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 11 (view)

You So Ugly.... Posted: 11/27/2006 1:11:19 PM
You so ugly,the orangutans gather to look at you when you visit the zoo.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 11 (view)

Chupacabras Posted: 11/9/2006 5:40:40 AM
It turns out El Chupacabra was just a hoax by the US Border Patrol. Since it didn't hinder Mexican immigrants, you can now find El Chupie (as he likes to be called) in a Laredo,Texas Zoo petting farm.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 18 (view)

I can see your private parts... Posted: 11/9/2006 5:16:07 AM
I point it out to everyone else in the room. Then, I let the person know about the faux pas.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 4 (view)

BEST thing you have ever done for anyone... Posted: 11/8/2006 9:46:32 AM
I was brushing off my car before work one snowy Thursday a couple of years ago. I looked up the hill and I see a young lady having trouble getting her wheelchair up the ramp to her apartment complex.I run up and she informs me her battery is dead,and I push her up the ramp. After helping her to the door,I went back and finished cleaning off my car and left for work. A meeting was called before the start of our shift,so I walked into the breakroom and sat in the back with the intellectual crowd. LOL Once the meeting starts,our plant manager calls me to the front of the crowd. I've no idea what's going on;so I took that mile long walk from the back of the room to the front. He starts by telling people that he saw a spectacular thing in today's world in which everyone is too busy to stop and lend a hand. After telling everyone how he saw me helping out my neighbor as he drove to work, he took up a collection and I was given that Thursday and Friday off with pay. It's not necessarily the BEST thing I've done,but just a reminder that someone does take notice for your good deeds.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 54 (view)

on t-shirts Posted: 9/7/2006 7:15:27 AM
Finish Your Beer. There are sober people in India. Beer: It's What Helps White Men Dance Drink Til I Look Better Herpe the Love Bug I used to talk to my plants before I saw the Little Shop of Horrors. Your mini skirts shows off your maxi pad. Ever notice that 'Cupid' rhymes with 'Stupid'? A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest?

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 5 (view)

Idiots among us Posted: 9/6/2006 9:16:54 PM
My first job out of high school, I saw the janitor dump a barrel with wheels into one without, then drag it across the warehouse.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 2 (view)

Things NOT to say to a Naked Man/Woman.. Posted: 9/4/2006 1:25:29 AM
Things NOT to say to a naked woman...(sniff, sniff) "Is that cat food?"

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 8 (view)

The Split-up Posted: 9/4/2006 1:12:53 AM
It was a joke, people. I actually got it somewhere else and thought you would appreciate it, not go at each other because of it. Light that doobie, take a couple of hits, THEN try reading jokes.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

The Split-up Posted: 9/1/2006 1:32:04 PM
She told me our budget couldn't support my beer allowance. Then I caught her spending: $65 for make-up, $150 for a cut and color, $35 for a manicure, $45 for a pedicure, $50 for vitamins, $300 for clothes, and $600 for a gym membership. I asked why I had to give up something and not her. She said she needed it to look pretty for me. I told her that's what the beer is for. I don't think she's coming back.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 9 (view)

Where do you see yourself in 5 beers? Posted: 8/29/2006 3:21:36 PM
Flirting with the toothless bartender hoping to score a free shot of Cuervo.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 19 (view)

Guys what makes a woman tick? Posted: 8/27/2006 9:16:08 PM
A small,vibrating,circular motion with my fingertip right on the clitoris usually makes my woman tick AND kick.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

Tennis ball Posted: 8/25/2006 10:32:52 PM
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the sidewalk. Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling. "What do you have in your pocket?", she asked. "Tennis ball,? the man said smiling back. "Wow," said the blond looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

More Brain Stuff... From Cambridge University Posted: 8/24/2006 4:40:31 AM
Got any ideas to help my dyslexic friend who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog?

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

Fast Drive Posted: 8/24/2006 4:31:27 AM
A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about hisslow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I"ll remove one piece of clothing." He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. "Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!" The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he'a a goner!"

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

Irish Viagra Posted: 8/22/2006 8:09:35 AM
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor. "Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin". "Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went". It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!". "Really? What happened" asked the doctor? "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!" "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"? "Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again".

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 53 (view)

You Might Be Older Than Dirt.........IF......... Posted: 8/20/2006 9:19:30 PM
You Might Be Older Than Dirt if you remember Lawrence Welk on tv.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 6 (view)

funny sayings Posted: 8/16/2006 9:00:31 PM
Jesus loves you, eveybody else hates you.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

George Bush faces school children Posted: 8/15/2006 10:45:45 PM
That was funny!

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 50 (view)

You Might Be Older Than Dirt.........IF......... Posted: 8/14/2006 10:37:04 PM
You Might Be Older Than Dirt If....you had an adapter so you could play your new cassette tape in the 8-track player!

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 2 (view)

Favorite Shirts with Words Posted: 8/14/2006 11:22:26 AM
I saw a guy wearing a T-shirt in the 3-4XL size that read,"I see small people".

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

Electric Anniversary Posted: 8/14/2006 11:13:52 AM
An eldery couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern, the husband leans over and asks his wife... "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you." "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "Ok", he says, "How about taking a stroll a round there again and we can do it for old times sake." "Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea,"she answers. There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see this: two old-timers having sex against a fence, I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." He follows them... They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers, she turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in, suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling "Ohhhh, God" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed, he thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, "That was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is." As the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else, you must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together... Is there some sort of secret? "No, there's no secret" the old man says, "Fifty years ago that darn fence wasn't electric."

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 4 (view)

Anger management question........ Posted: 8/1/2006 4:35:53 AM
All it did was piss me off!!!!!

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 22 (view)

Mama Jokes Posted: 5/31/2006 2:14:32 AM
Yo mama is so short, you can see her Nike's in her license photo! Yo mama is so short, her hair smells like feet!

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 23 (view)

Gangsta rappers VS. the U.S. Military Posted: 5/27/2006 1:41:13 AM
Didistudher, some people haven't been exposed to different cultures.All they know is what their parents instilled on them while watching Hee- Haw. If these people you have targeted with your comments could see how unintelligent they are perceived, maybe they would also be trying to come to the dark side.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 4 (view)

How You Can Tell When Its Going To Be a Rotten Day Posted: 5/24/2006 4:15:35 AM
You roll off the bed and step in doggie-doo.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 9 (view)

Well screw you guys I'm going home(South Park) Posted: 5/24/2006 4:14:29 AM
"Who wants to pound my vag?" Who said it?

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 5 (view)

Well screw you guys I'm going home(South Park) Posted: 5/23/2006 5:19:06 AM
"I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like: hey, you get your **** ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!" -Cartman

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 12 (view)

funny names.... Posted: 5/22/2006 12:10:18 PM
I worked with a guy named Orel Sexton; preferred to be called Jim.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 146 (view)

You Know Youre Too Horny When... Posted: 5/17/2006 12:31:27 PM
Viagra wants your secret recipe.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 7 (view)

Who would win? Posted: 5/15/2006 7:43:44 AM
The leprechaun happens to be Chuck Norris' illegitimate son from a gone crazy St.Patrick's Day party, so he would easily win with a roundhouse kick.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 4 (view)

SING-A LONG C-MON PEOPLE! Posted: 5/1/2006 1:27:26 AM
La la la la la la la la ............................................ He is the Dancing Queen Young and Sweet, only 17 Dancing Queen Feel the beat of his tamborine Oh, yeah He can dance, he can jive Having the time of his life See that girl,uh, guy watch that scene He is the Dancing Queen .

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 42 (view)

Do nerds actually have girlfriends? Posted: 4/29/2006 12:56:41 AM
Have you ever thought about asking out a Hispanic woman? Your Spanish is better than average. Just hang in there, you'll meet a nice girl eventually. Don't give up, either;Barry Bonds doesn't hit a homerun every time he bats.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 2 (view)

hmmm Posted: 4/29/2006 12:43:54 AM
I broke out the lotion and tissue halfway through! I curse you, evil woman!

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 5 (view)

Mama Jokes Posted: 4/26/2006 12:10:22 PM
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday. Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry. Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her! Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone! Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose. Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car! Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

Mama Jokes Posted: 4/26/2006 2:01:56 AM
Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals. Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince. Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died. Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class. Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it. Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper. Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 20 (view)

Gangsta rappers VS. the U.S. Military Posted: 4/23/2006 10:58:07 PM
I can certainly understand why everyone has a negative attitude towards this genre of music. But, not all of it is bad. There's actually some of it that people can relate to because of the area and people they grew up around. Some lyrics actually touch you and carry a message, a good message. It's kinda like listening to country music. So you can't bring the entire "hip -hop" world down to the level of some of these rappers.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 16 (view)

Cancer and its negative and positive effects on relationships. Posted: 4/23/2006 8:41:16 AM
I'm really glad I got to read this today. My mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had a hysterectomy a few months ago. My sisters and I instinctly took the day off work to be by her side. This was one of the hardest days of her life; second only to laying my brother to rest 12 years ago. Her husband; her third and not our father,was nowhere to be found. His supervisor "would not authorize a day off" for him. Mom was hurt, but forgave him. During the last four months,he has started cooking for himself,washing his own dishes,won't use mom's glasses or utensils,and even removes his bar of soap after his shower. According to mom, he became less affectionate every day until he finally moved out. Mom is really hurt by this, but still allows him to stay with her at his convenience. He only comes over when he needs something translated or written in English for him. To top it all off, he stayed with her all last week so he could make sure she took time off work to be with him during some medical exams. I will be showing her all your entries regarding this and hope she sees him for the selfish ass that he is and starts living a better life without him. Thank you and may God bless you all.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 7 (view)

Gangsta rappers VS. the U.S. Military Posted: 4/22/2006 1:15:18 AM
I think it's just an image thing. Look at all the young kids who listen to this music and try to imitate the "lifestyle". You promote the violence associated with these lyrics and these kids will go out and buy that particular artist's CD. It's a sad thing these younsters aren't aware of the fabricated reputations of most of these performers.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 36 (view)

Have You Ever Busted Someone??? .... Posted: 3/26/2006 7:04:13 AM
Why all the bitterness? Let's just get naked and have a group hug-Illiterate people on the left, everyone else over here.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 31 (view)

Cartoons Posted: 3/24/2006 4:02:43 PM
What about Marvin the Martian, Michigan J. Frog, and Foghorn Leghorn?

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 38 (view)

question for all the shy guys out there.. Posted: 3/24/2006 3:51:57 PM
I used to be shy. But then I realized that other guys were actually doing well with women just by talking to them. So, if I like a woman now,I won't hesitate and let some other guy beat me to her.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 88 (view)

Bumper Stickers Posted: 3/24/2006 1:03:01 PM
No ass,no gas, no grass? Nobody rides for free!

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 28 (view)

Chuck Norris Posted: 3/23/2006 2:30:17 PM
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep. Chuck Norris' penis has a Hemi. Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris makes onions CRY!!! When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help. There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher. Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 4 (view)

Have You Ever Busted Someone??? .... Posted: 3/23/2006 9:16:57 AM
What the heck was that?!? I know it wasn't Spanish.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 26 (view)

Chuck Norris Posted: 3/23/2006 5:11:35 AM
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "ChuckNorris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick." Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes. Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean. One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 29 (view)

Cartoons Posted: 3/22/2006 7:03:54 PM
I like to style my romantic moves after Pepe Le Pew. With a robot named Bender Rodriguez, who doesn't like Futurama?

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 23 (view)

Chuck Norris Posted: 3/22/2006 4:11:59 PM
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt. Chuck Norris never gets sick because his white blood cells know karate. Chuch Norris was born with pubic hair. Chuck Norris made the pope question his own sexuality. Mr. T is not black but permanently bruised after questioning the power of Chuck Norris. Micheal Jackson once told Chuck Norris he wasn’t that great. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the black off him. The last thing Helen Kellar saw or heard was a roundhouse kick form Chuck Norris. Jesus was never crucified and killed … What actually happened was that Jesus called Chuck Norris a girl.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 22 (view)

Chuck Norris Posted: 3/22/2006 3:30:14 PM
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”. The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the $#@* out.

Artmiranda

Joined: 12/3/2004

Msg: 2 (view)

Can someone explain the fascination people have with Nascar? Posted: 3/20/2006 3:31:15 PM
It's their rare chance to see a car go faster than 45mph and not leave a big blue cloud behind it?

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