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Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

showing my picture Posted: 12/16/2006 9:19:59 AM
Dotnet: I know how you feel, I didn't post a picture for a long while either, but the fact is that if you want any sort of response you'll need to post a picture, because people do more than just judge how pretty the picture is, they also use it as some sort of a gauge of the person behind the picture. It's just hard being a guy on sites like this, because (by social norm) its the women who do the picking and there's nothing anybody can do about that fact (Of course it's just as hard, if not harder, being a woman on a site like this, and in general, but for different reasons). The other posters in this thread are right, you would do well to listen to what they say. For all of us, all we can do is present ourselves, warts and all, and trust people to have the good sense and enough depth of vision to look below the surface, because that's exactly what the good ones will do. So my advice is to suck it up, post a picture, and be prepared to growl (to yourself only!!) when you see an unread/deleted (or even worse, read/deleted) next to a note you sent. It just means that one of the not-so-good ones has just weeded herself out. Keep the faith buddy, there ARE good ones (people, men, women) out there, just means hanging in there while the rest weed themselves out.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 47 (view)

Can you get TOO used to being single? Posted: 12/4/2006 3:51:41 AM
Champ: The OP asked about getting TOO used to being single (his caps), which, although vague, is the question I was referring to. In a general way I agree with everything you said earlier (msg #40) but that's not quite the question he asked or that I was responding to. IMHO, there's not a single thing in the world wrong with doing what you want to do, up to and including "throwing in the towel," if it's what you REALLY want to do. In my post I was answering his question, as I understood it, based on my own experience, as I hope I made clear. That is, my own experience of feeling the tug of inertia vs. the pull to find a relationship in my life (aka getting off my a$$ and looking for it) and how sometimes, inertia wins and how one (I) COULD easily just give into inertia permanently and stop trying. But I would never presume to preach about what anyone else should or shouldn't do about finding a 'significant other', or anything else for that matter, and I don't believe I was.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Guys who say no? Posted: 12/3/2006 9:17:36 AM
Well, I've said no (politely). Why are all (and I do mean almost all) you women so thunderstruck by this idea? Sex (and intimacy) comes with a price, for us guys too, and sometimes the price has just been too high, for various reasons. I'm way more surprised by you women's reactions than the guys, don't you all realize that there's a heart attached to that pecker down there? Some quotes from page 1 of this thread: Does this happen? Seriously? Guys don't say no, they don't know how, and mean it. IF something like that happened my reaction would be taht I owuld be a little hurt and want to know why and if he was honest about reasons then i'd understand. how "owuld" you react if he asked for an explanation if you said no. "Honest about reasons"??? If "no means no", for women, then no means no. Period. Guys say no???? Where? When? I didn't know that could happen I would ask why and wonder if he was gay or had a fear of intimacy I don't understand the question. A guy who says no to sex? I still don't get the question. are you kidding? never met a guy who said no. does such exist? That's just one page. I'm a little too disgusted with the female half of the species after reading this to read the other pages in this thread, but I'd bet they go on in that vein. Women: read the posts here, especially from the younger guys and listen. If you don't want to be treated like meat, if you want to have your feelings respected, then respect theirs. Yeesh! We're all just people here.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Can you get TOO used to being single? Posted: 12/3/2006 8:18:43 AM
From my experience, yes. TheatreGuy asked about being TOO used to it, by which I guess he meant settling for singledom (please clarify if that's not what you meant, TG, or other people if that's not what your read by all caps on the word 'too'). Personally, I am aware of that danger in myself, of settling for the comfortable and familiar instead of taking the risk. If I sit down and have a good talk with myself (like I did when I signed up for POF) I realize that singledom, while comfortable, isn't exactly happy, you know? Maybe I'm a little greedy, but 'comfortable,' in the end, doesn't hold a candle to happy. I want happy, which means being prepared to do the work, take the risks and weather the bruises (etc.) of a relationship. But I had to sit down and think long and hard about it. In TG2003's particular case, I think what people have said is right, he just hasn't met the right person yet, or is maybe a little over-anxious about meeting THE ONE, but he's still looking, which says he isn't TOO used to being single, yet. If he stopped looking, or turned oportunities down, then yeah, I'd say maybe he should worry about it, but he isn't, so I wouldn't worry about it in his case.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 997 (view)

Do You Men Read Our Whole Profiles? Posted: 12/3/2006 7:20:44 AM
For anyone who catches my eye, absolutely. And I sit and consider them, too. I know we're all torn between the wish to sell oneself and the need to be accurate and truthful, so I realize both are components of every profile, but I like to see how people handle those conflicting impulses. How they do that says a lot about the person writing the profile.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Will this make a DIFFERENCE? Posted: 12/2/2006 10:18:43 AM
this was not done in a deceitful way as I have explained in this post, I am horrified about it and tried to cancel the date myself , but he wouldn't let me do it! Well, there's your answer, from the guy whose opinion would matter most of all. He agrees with the rest of us: Doesn't matter.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Is it really important that a girl knows how to cook. Posted: 12/2/2006 9:53:37 AM
No. If you're over 20 and still alive, you've figured out how to find food for yourself, and this includes guys, and figuring out a strategy for getting food together is not your (the woman's) JOB any more than it is the guys. If you mean cooking well, still no. That is an art/science (aka a hobby) that should be persued by someone just because they like it, again, if the woman doesn't want to persue it, its should be up to her. It sounds to me, from your first posting in this thread, that you're a bit of a victim of intra-female politics, which is unfortunate all by itself, but you shouldn't worry about cooking anymore than you should worry about it being your job to pick up his socks. Not to say people don't do it, (gourmet cooking and picking up the significant other's socks) but doing it and thinking its your job to do it are two different things. Personally, I've always cooked better than my significant others, so I did it and used them as guinea pigs, which may be why I'm here on a dating site, but that's another story.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

rate my profile Posted: 12/1/2006 4:08:44 PM
Well, I think it's better. Things jibe a little more than they did before, which is better, but I still think it's unclear on what exactly you're looking for. That's a pretty big word (bicurious) to drop into the middle of your 'About Me' section with no other explanation. 'Bicurious' implies the possibiliy of a romantic relationship, is that what you're looking for? I think you need a little more explanation of what you want.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

rate my profile Posted: 12/1/2006 6:59:51 AM
Gee, S&S, you sound kinda forlorn. Ok, here's my take on it: First off, if what you're really looking for is female pals, then it's a little misleading. I get the definite sense of two messages being sent at once, one says "I want friends to pal around with" and another that says "maybe a lesbian gf wouldn't be so bad after all." I get this impression because 1) you start off talking about sex, the very first thing. Gives the impression you got on here with sex in mind, although what you're saying is the exact opposite. You want to keep it, since its a big part of what you're saying, so I'd say just move that first line to the bottom of your paragraph (also, where is 2?) and I think you'll be ok. 2) You rate the "Hottest Girls Alive," another thing to give a different impression than I think you're trying to give. Does it matter to you what other people think of your opinion of hot girls? Do you think your impression of hot girls will attract (female) pals to you? I'd just lose that part if I were you. Your picture is nice, you look like a friendly, open person which is good, but a few more, maybe one with the bf, maybe one or two doing women-pal things (????) would be good. Since you're explicitly trying to attract women pals (and not the "pervs") the more clothes the better. Also, be patient, I imagine this will be a tough market to break into since this is mostly a dating site with women and men looking for each other. It'll take some time. Good luck, I know something of the loneliness of moving to a new town and how utterly and completely it sucks, but there are real people out there, just give it time and keep trying, you'll find them.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

howz this one Posted: 12/1/2006 5:35:54 AM
Well, I notice most of the people commenting here are guys (and I'm another one), which are definitely not your target audience, so maybe you should take this all with a grain of salt, at least until a few more women answer. But for what it's worth here's what I thought: For one, spelling (and grammar and punctuation) DO count. For anybody used to reading anything such mistakes jump out and knock you between the eyes, an effect you don't want to have on a woman reading your blurb. Make sure you spell the first person singular pronoun "I" and not "i", otherwise you sound like you're still in high school. On your paragraph describing yourself and what you're looking for, I'd say its actually pretty good. Some of your spelling mistakes are obvious errors (the word is "friends", not "freinds") but some actually help paint a picture ("yellin out to buddies helpimstuck") which is good, that's what you want to do. That line actually made me chuckle, which is also good, an effect you definitely want to have on a woman reading your blurb. So, run the thing through spellcheck on your computer but don't take spellcheck's word for it without thinking, e.g. I'd say 'yellin' ought to stay 'yellin'. Overall, I liked your blurb about yourself. It paints a picture of what kind of guy you are (although drop the "Not shure what else to write," nobody is) and what kind of woman you'd like to meet, nice and succinct. Keep it as is for the most part. Your pictures look pretty good to me too. The head shot is ok, although you SURE look young in it (but, maybe you do look young, and, well, you are young) but you should have one of your full body shots taken a little closer in, I had to squint and still couldn't quite see what you looked like. I disagree with opencountry1 about your house, it looks like a shack that's seen better days but if you like it as is and want people to know you live in a shack (and any prospective women friends that they may be spending time in a shack) then by all means, go for it. Of course, I live in Alabama where shacks are plentiful (and besides, I just like them), so take that with a grain of salt, too. You've obviously been getting some responses since you appear on 5 people's favorites lists, so you're doing something right, use these comments to figure out what that was and keep doing it. Good luck.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

breakups? Posted: 11/30/2006 6:12:45 AM
Yes, just recently. Necessary, but one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Once bitten, twice shy Posted: 11/30/2006 4:38:26 AM
Many wise words here. I think most of them boil down to the simple fact that before any of us are men or women we are human beings, and we all have hearts that can be hurt, badly. And hurt hearts just need time to heal, and nothing besides time will do. Now, I have a question for you Mgrrl, you ask why is it so hard to get a divorced man to have a serious relationship again, my question is why is trying to "get" anybody to do anything even an issue? We can show what we ourselves are open for, and ask the other person what they're open for, but beyond that "getting" somebody else to do anything isn't exactly playing fair, is it? Personally, I don't like to be "gotten" to do anything. I like to be asked, and my answer respected. That's my idea of playing fair.

Joined: 11/23/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Here's something new Posted: 11/30/2006 3:54:29 AM
Well, sure, I would. Dating somebody is some sort of mixture of physical attraction and personal attraction (being attracted to the other's personality). It'd be a lie to say a bald (or balding) head was a big turn-on for me, but that could be be compensated for by a bright personality. It's the over all mixture that matters in the final analysis, and for me, personality matters a LOT.

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