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keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Have any other women experienced this? Posted: 10/24/2009 5:13:44 PM
Here's a thought: 1 . Exchange a couple e-mails. If he doesn't show any interest by asking questions, don't bother wasting yout time on a date. 2. On a date, first call him on his behaviour. ' Hey! You seem to be talking about yourself. I'm here.' If he continues, pull the plug. Go home. True, he might not notice, but that's not your problem. I once went on a 15 minute date. It went south. I bailed.

Keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Can you handle me? Posted: 9/29/2009 7:56:09 AM
If I were to receive an e-mail from a guy asking if I could handle him, Rather than taking the bait, I would cheerfully reply 'Yes ! I have a Hazmat Suit. Will I need lead lined gloves, too? Chemical or Bio-chemical? ' If I were really lucky, I would be blocked ! ( Not always a bad thing. ) This leaves me free to get back to my real life and purpose - finding another person who doesn't talk in code or play simple sh#*% games.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

addiction recovery and dating risk Posted: 6/21/2009 7:03:24 AM
Lots of good advice in answer to this question It bears repeating that all the 12 step programs recommend not getting into a relationship for one year after getting clean/sober/straight. Thinking of getting involved with a boozer ? Google ‘Thiq alcoholic’ and see what might happen . Look at all the facts and base your own decision on them. If the addict is contentedly in denial not recovery - read the forums here for first person experiences from both sides.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

Does anyone see the irony in asking a bunch of single people for relationship advice? Posted: 6/17/2009 11:29:31 AM
Let me understand your reasoning: Married = Successful Relationship Divorced, Single , Unmarried for any reason = Unsuccessful relationship. I haven’t found this to be true all the time. Sometimes one partner in a marriage puts up with a cheating, or abusive, or general jerk of a spouse because ‘what would the neighbors, relatives, church members THINK if I left or D-D-Divorced?’ Or ‘ I might have to get a job if I left’. Sometimes it takes more honesty and courage to say ‘This isn’t working. I need to take action’ , than ignore problems. Ever noticed that you can’t clap with one hand ? I used to work for a railroad ( Penn Central) and came up with this comparison between trains and relationships. Some of our passenger trains started in Boston and terminated in Phila while others keep going clear to Florida. The trains that reach the end of their run in Phila are not bad trains compared to the Florida trains, they only reached the end of their line having gone as far as they were supposed to go. Not all relationships reach the 50 year mark, even though that was the original intention / hope. Part of what I do is set up ground rules. Unromantic, but necessary. If the other person is not going to play by the rules, they can’t play in my game. What am I left with ? My self esteem. ( I liked the comment about asking a priest for relationship advice.)

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 71 (view)

Should I pretend to be more helpless? Posted: 6/17/2009 10:49:25 AM
Please look at a calendar . Do you see the year ? Notice how it is NOT 1952. You are not Harriet Nelson and Father Doesn’t Know Best. Do not pretend to be helpless. We women owe it to ourselves, our children, our significant others, anybody we are role models for, and now that I think of it, the entire universe, to be the best, honest, smartest, most competent person we can be and not hide our talents behind false modesty or that fake little girl act. Personal Example: I am good at math. In my spare time, when I can fit it in my schedule, I am a volunteer math tutor for GED students and pre-teens. If I faked the dumb blonde routine, more than a couple people would be floundering. Growing up, I received no encouragement , in fact quite the opposite. My mother once told me while looking at a great math test score - that no man would EVER love me is I continued getting good grades -good probably meaning better grades than boys got. I was widowed when my kids were young , and knowing how to handle ( read juggle ) finances is why the three of us lived in a house, not a cardboard box formerly containing a refrigerator. I suggest we classify your GF and my mother as out of touch and clueless. Your family of origin taught you right. The clincher: As I was told recently ‘ An Intelligent woman is SEXY’. If you have already had a Frontal Lobotomy, ignore this message.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Anyone ever have their first-time date show up with their mom? Posted: 6/13/2009 6:45:19 AM
Show up with their mom ? Or any entourage that wasn't known or agreed upon. Memorize these three words ' Run, Forest, Run. Tatoo them on your bod if necessary. There are some decent, honest, semi-normal, NICE individuals on this board, ans some, well, individuals that don't make it into the first catagory. The trick is to figure out who is who. Anybody for passing a law that the flakes and low lifes can only date other flakes?

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 457 (view)

Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why? Posted: 6/13/2009 6:33:13 AM
There are men who refuse to date women their own age an older? ? ? ? ? ? Dang ! Nobody tells me anything ! Can I get on somebody's e-mail CC list ? I hate being so clueless and out of the loop! First - Check my profile and zero in on the age thing. So WHY do I get PoF e-mails from guys 20 or more years younger saying 'So, do you date younger men?' Then they say something about maturity, intelligence, good attitude, sense of humor, honesty, and occasionally they ( and there have been multiple e-mails) have the audacity to say that I look ATTRACTIVE ! ( So I paraphrased - the word used was Hot.) If men in my age group ( aka Pushing 60) want to date younger women, well nothing I can do to change that. Let those men answer questions like ' Did you know Paul McCarthy was in a band before 'Wings?' Rots of Ruck, fella. And why are younger women looking to date older, gray haired ( or follicle-ly challenged) men? Where are the men in there age group ? Oh, uh, I guess we already know who they cute young guys are e-mailing. But its all the fault of older guys trying to regain their lost youth by dating young women who of course are not looking for a Sugar Daddy or father figure that created this vacuum. Not my fault I like to go to dinner and dancing. I don't have enough money to be a cougar. I have to rely on personality, a winning smile plus I don't sweat the small stuff. ( And it's ALL small stuff, Grasshopper). I am having too much fun to worry about age restrictions. ;-)

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 84 (view)

Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles Posted: 6/13/2009 5:34:12 AM
"I just read something in a woman's profile that I think is so wonderful I strongly believe ALL women here on pof should cut and paste into their profiles: I'm not running a ploy to get free meals. I'm happy to meet at a restaurant and pay for myself, if you still think you'd like to get to know me. " Wow ! Now I know how to attract cheap guys ! I was so confused ! And I wondered how I always attracted gentlemen. I have a new ploy ! Watch my profile to see when I add this. I plan to do it on the 12th. That's the 12th of never. Good Luck Indiana, with that mindset that all women want is a "Free" meal. I am returning to my home planet now. We think differently on Earth.

Keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 97 (view)

Why women want guys to come to THEM Posted: 6/12/2009 6:50:12 PM
So Recup: Can I assume that you've never heard of Charles Darwin ? ;-)

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Question for the ladies - need perspective Posted: 6/2/2009 11:15:05 AM
I went out with a self defined ‘sensitive guy’ . It took me carefully reading several e-mails and listening to what he was saying about an ex-wife and girlfriend who ran screaming into the sunset, to realize that this meant he was sensitive to his own feelings and no one else’s feelings and opinions were important. I am now allergic to sensitive guys.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

My first actual online meet Posted: 6/2/2009 11:04:26 AM
Ginger That wasn’t a date - that was a power play. The first couple dates of a relationship set the tone - who makes the decisions, who sets the pace, how far to push the envelope. Manipulative people have a field day with their petty little games, as they test your limits. Controlling people play this game - both men and women. I’ll bet if you said, ‘but I was looking forward to seeing Movie 1’ - you would have seen a lot of resistance and it wouldn’t have happened. I have ended dates after 15 minutes. If a situation is going downhill, why waste an entire evening ? You dodged the bullet, young lady. If a similar situation occurs again, you will know what to do. Don’t hesitate to end a date if it starts to funny , strange, weird or uncomfortable in any way. Pull that plug and go home. No one on this board wants to see your dating story on Law and Order - SVU.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

1sr meeting without talking on the phone Posted: 5/23/2009 5:11:35 AM
Queensgirl I think you are getting some good advice and observations posted here. Consider 'Raising the Bar' standard wise. No phone then don't even consider a meeting. Its a red flag for married or worse - a very paranoid person?( They are such fun to be around. ) If you are looking to meet a nice guy, why waste your precious time playing games with these evasive characters ? As the famed Dr Phil would say ' You are burning daylight'. Hit delete, focus and move on.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

Dating Litmus Test Posted: 5/15/2009 5:54:28 AM
I agree with TruthinessIncorporate -Deliberately set up Litmus tests are manipulative. That being said, I am not running a personal democracy. I do look for red flags. If there are lots of Red Flags it’s not May First and I’m not in the Kremlin, it is time for me to leave. I notice behavior both toward me and others, inconsistencies in stories and I make a decision to date or not to date based on my observations and what my gut tells me. I don’t have a protective father or brother to watch out for me, and it is my responsibility to ask the right questions, collect enough information, and decide who I want to spend my time with. Litmus test, games, Red Flags - not synonyms. Some more necessary than others . That’s necessary for survival

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

When did Curvy begin to mean Obese? Posted: 4/17/2009 6:57:23 AM
When I read ‘poptart’ in previous posts, I thought Brittany Spears’ Now that I’ve stopped free associating: I have a ‘Gibson Girl’ figure, but since not too many people know who Gibson was, I don’t use that as a reference . There is a difference between obese and voluptuous. There is also a difference between curvy and fat. BBW could fit in anywhere, but probably near Reubenesque, but could be closer to Jabba the Hut. BUT It’s all subjective. If a person labels themselves with any fun adjective, and their close circle of friends doesn’t care one way or another, - - - - Let it slide ! If you don’t like what you see in a picture on PoF before you meet or even communicate with a person , move on to the next profile. Honest in posted pictures - necessary, but different thread. More jelly rolls than a bakery - I like that.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

The rejection gets rough... Posted: 8/17/2008 4:46:42 AM
Josie responding to 'What am I doing wrong ?' (And this is only my humble opinion ) This is a dating site, showcase yourself. First lines of your profile you are talking extensively about your daughter. I am not sure that guys will want to date you to have a long conversation about your daughter, and if they did, wouldn’t being overly interested be a red flag ? Your students are a big part of your life ? Will there be any space left for dating ? Interests too numerous to mention ? How can anyone respond to those interests if they don’t know what they are ? Exercising is sort of general and vague and science is also broad based and neither could cause a another person to say ‘Wow ! I’m into skiing / swimming/ biking too ! Might have a connection here.’ More pictures including a head shot might be helpful to grab attention instead of the mysterious distant shot. You are told you are ( several traits here) . Don't you know what you are ? Do you rely on the opinion of others to define yourself ? Hope I didn’t come off sounding too harsh.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Previous marriages Posted: 8/5/2008 11:36:00 AM
Something I've noticed: I am asked out by men who's past marriages lasted 25 - 30 years. Several of the men stopped their Emotional Growth at time they got married . A long duration does not equal a healthy relationship. I used to think it did. Sometimes I have hear the story that one partner didn't believe in divorce. Didn't believe in working on the marriage either. The word I'm looking for is stalemate. One category that stays married forever, almost is stoners and alkies. That codependent bond is hard to break, and there is no motivation to break it. I know women who stay married to serial cheaters rather than kick their a$$ to the curb. Where is the honor in this? She gets to celebrate a Thirtieth Anniversary of what ? I would prefer to date a person who had the courage to look at his relationship and decide he wants and deserves a great relationship, either it will be the one he is in, or will find a better one. If divorce happens more than once, you can hear society saying tsk,tsk, tsk, another Liz Taylor or Zsa-Zsa. Never married by age 60 ? How expensive is their StarWars Action Figure Collection ? I judge on the mental health of the person. Where am I coming from ? Married once, widowed.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Dating Dilemma: Breaking Up Posted: 7/18/2008 5:33:32 AM
Here's what works for me: 1. I get my mind clear about what I want, don't want, and where I am going with my life. I do this BEFORE involving the guy I am dating in a discussion. 2. I have 'the talk' in person. It goes something like ' We need to re-evaluate this relationship. You are wonderful, I am wonderful, we are not wonderful together' . I let the other person retain their dignity. I usually hear ' I don't want to lose your friendship.' Breaking up via text message - very tacky . Is Brittany Spears your role model ? Worked well for her, didn't it. Starting to date a new person without first ending a current relationship ? Tacky, immature and something third graders do. When dating a new guy and it looks like it could last for a period of time, I ask how he ended his past relationships, and I explain my expectations. Past performance being an indicator of future performance, etc. If he is a disappear into the sunset kinda guy, I ask myself do I like red flags and do I want a disrespectful man in my life. I don't.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship? Posted: 7/10/2008 1:20:01 PM
Me ? Wrong ? I dated an alcoholic. I didn't recognize all the symptoms or the repercussions until the bottom suddenly dropped out. I thought he was a normal, logical, HONEST person, but the 12 steppers say Talk the talk AND walk the walk for a good reason. I want to thank ALL the people on PoF that honestly post their experiences dating an alcoholic, being an active or former alkie. I won't be repeating the same mistake thanks to all of youse guys - that's how we talk here in Philly. And I will strain with every cell in my body to NOT be Co-Dependant I think ' wrong . . Last relationship' is misleading. Not all relationships end because someone did something wrong. My theory - take it or leave it - is relationships are like trains. Some start in say, Boston and end in Phila, while others start in Boston and go clear thru to Florida. The trains that terminate in Phila are not bad trains, they have just gone as far as they were supposed to go. Sometimes relationships are only good for several years instead of decades. Wise people have enought sense to accept the fact, have 'the discussion' and part amicably . 'The Discussion', when I have it goes something like ' You are wonderful, I am wonderful, but we aren't wonderful together'. Both of us have our dignity and can go forward to reach our dreams. Keeper

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

People who are late Posted: 5/20/2008 11:46:00 AM
An accident delayed you once or twice ? sure. Traffic ? it happens. Showing up late 323 times and calling it a coincidence ? Don’t think so. Sometimes there‘s more to it I have encountered too many people that enjoy being late. It shows who is important 'You had to wait for ME, so THERE !' ' You think you set the boundaries, and I showed you where they really were ! ! !' It is disrespectful and a power play, pure and simple. I used to give my neighbor a ride to work and she was usually late. This went on for weeks. I carefully explained that I would not be late to my job on her account. Two days later, she asked me to wait a minute. Actually I waited two minutes before leaving. Next day when she got a hold of me, and she finished sputtering and huffing, I repeated what I was and was not willing to tolerate. Miraculously, she was cured of being late. Don’t kid yourself. Its a power play. The only question is, do you want to waste your time with this simple, childish game ? I don’t .

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Instant Coffee, Instant LTR Posted: 5/4/2008 8:33:15 AM
I seem to have a different sense time than many of the men who contact me looking to make my acquaintance. I prefer to get acquainted by exchanging several e-mails before exchanging phone numbers and certainly before a face to face meeting. Just because a person meets the correct age-location-height-weight-non-smoking criteria doesn’t necessarily make a good match. I use the written work as an eliminator both for me and the person I am corresponding with. It seems like a prudent idea to discover early on that we have too few things in common to sustain a five minute conversation . Also I eliminate the ‘players’ by being too much trouble. Good to get them off the table early . No, I am not thinking e-mailing forever. Two weeks is not forever. In what time-space continuum did you get your calendar ? When I have said that I am not comfortable phoning at such an early stage, (and having my number and name appear on a caller’s ID revealing way too much about me ), I don’t react well to being pressured or guilt tripped into calling. This seems like a bad harbinger of things to come - Insisting I do something I am not ready to do . Do I get a lot of two e-mails then nothing probably because another fish grabbed the bait ? Yes. Do I get another e-mail several months later from the same person ( who keeps lousy records of contacts) with the same request to call ? Although I am not a betting person, I can bet on that ! Instant Oatmeal, Instant Coffee, Instant Lottery tickets but there is no instant perfect LTR even though one might wish there was. I insist on a longer timeline. Let the spam begin ! Call me a throwback to earlier times when dance cards were in vogue, but I don’t have a lot of ohmygod moments. ( ohmygod he’s married !, ohmygod he’s an alcoholic !, rage-a-holic !, any type of -holic, ohmygod he lied and misrepresented himself ! ohmygod he can’t even SPELL integrity !) Also. You won’t ever see me on Jerry Springer whining about Internet Dating Disasters. While I am typing up a storm: I’ve heard for the first three months of dating a new person, you are dating a mirage. This is not my theory, but I like it and it resonates with me. You are projecting your hopes, expectations, dreams, beliefs , and feelings on the other person, and of course both of you are on your best behavior. After about three months, each of us begins to tip our hand. Minor imperfections show themselves. Sometimes major, deal-breaking imperfections appear also. Reality sets in. You are not Prince Charming, and I am not a Fairy Princess. Anyone who tried to walk 20 feet in glass slippers is glad of this. And I can work with real. --- Keeper

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

How far off am I? Set me on the right course! Posted: 2/4/2008 12:46:54 PM
Let me see if I understand what you are saying : 1. You had 20 years to work on your marriage, but didn't. Maybe took it for granted ? 2. You were an emotional cheater during your marriage, giving your time and energy to women other than your wife. ( As a former wife, I can tell you how this feels . The word 'soul-killing' comes to mind) 3. After separating, you decided to get into counseling . 4. Suddenly it is important to eat healthy and give up smoking, but it wasn't while your marriage existed, even though your wife wanted it. 5. You found religion. 6. You are questioning if SHE is lying, even though you did all the lying for many years ? That's rich. 7. Now, 20 years later, you decided to have an Epiphany, after being asked how many times ? And this wonderful Epiphany only occured after she decided to start dating ? There might be a jealousy factor here. Yours is not an origional scenerio. Based on similar stories, if the couple reunites, He starts smoking, overeating, emotionally cheating, lying, and picks up several more bad habits confident in the knowledge that wifey will take him back again. And again. And yet again. Precedent has been established. If you care even a sliver about the woman, let her get off the merry-go -round and let her go lead her life. If you get her back, you don't have any motivation to maintain to new behaviour - you won. Stop playing that Lucy-Charlie Brown-Football game, you being Lucy saying ' Come back ! It will be like you wanted it to be'. You had your chance (or chances). You blew it. Cowboy up. That ship has sailed .

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older? Posted: 1/18/2008 5:55:33 PM
Actually, I don’t think it is harder. That ‘pool of prospective dates’ that existed when we are in our twenties ? It didn’t really exist. It was an illusion. People that looked good, could dance well, and told jokes weren’t necessarily eligible, marriage material or even relationship material. After several decades, some of us have acquired the ability to recognize a red flag when we see it. After developing the recognize-red-flag skill, comes the ability to use common sense and not waste vauable time on a non workable ( for me ) situation. When I do find a potential LTR, all is good.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Closing account after replying to your message Posted: 12/23/2007 6:31:39 AM
I totally agree with Jester 1977 . Make it people are VERY odd sometimes. We can't control that, but we can either drop it and get on with life or Drive ourselves nuts wondering why they did it, coming up with obscure yet clever reasons , justifying the behavior. Excuse me, I have to go write a note to myself on the topic of NOT driving myself nuts. Thank you for the insight Jester

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Gingerbread houses -Its easy Posted: 12/10/2007 4:30:56 PM
Guys ! This works for me- tried and true : 1. Take an empty box the size you want the house to be. Some years I use a saltine box. Cut another two pieces of light cardboard for the roof. 2. Roll out the gingerbread dough and cut the same size as the sides of the box (walls). Bake of course. And let cool. 3. Slap a dab of any kind of icing on the sides of the box for adhesion and assemble . Decorate with more icing and any candies you desire. Did I mention I am one of them dang problem solving engineers ?

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

When you find out he's not who he says he is! Posted: 11/12/2007 5:40:09 PM
Kat First my empathy and sympathy; Then a different angle. Some of what we ( OK, I mean “I”) see in the person we date is a reflection of what we are looking for and want to exist in the other person. If the gods are smiling, reality and fantasy are similar. It is so necessary to keep one’s eyes open, do frequent reality checks and insist he earn your trust before giving one’s heart. This is SO hard, but consider the alrternative. I am in the ( hopefully) final stage of rebuilding myself after the skilled liar I tangled with in ’06. I am a reality based person and talk until I am blue in the face, , ask questions and wait for answers. I insist on honesty in any relationship I get into. He looked me in my eyes and claimed he was as honest and ‘could ask him anything’. I make loyalty a pillar of my relationships. He told stories of how he stuck with a wife sick with cancer for 13 years as proof of his ability understand loyalty. Having had a similar tragic loss myself, I reassured him that life was worth going on even without his beloved ‘ Joyce.’ . He took me to meet his family. He used the famous ‘L’ word. One night I had to work late, and we planned to meet afterwards. I called two hours before our scheduled date ( on a holiday) and we told each other how much we were looking forward to meeting. I did not put words in his mouth. Later , when he was late, I found he had ended the call, walked back into a bar , picked up a tramp, and had one night stand. To say I was devastated doesn't describe it. My dreams and expectations shattered. I am coming to grasp, with reading, meditation, and thinking, that my dreams , wants , needs and desires are My dreams, wants, etc., and they still are, and I will find someone who feels the same and can follow through. Unfortunately I wasted my precious time on an insincere, shallow man who was very good at talking the talk without backing up his words. Doggone liar. Why isn't there a pathological liar test kit available at Rite-Aid ? I hope for you that you can reach this same plateau. This good looking cad is still running around ! He has upped the ante and when last heard of was smooth-talking prosperous widows in Yardley, Bucks County. PA . If anyone is Single in Yardley, beware and duck ! There is a gold digger on the loose. --- Still a Keeper

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Why buy the Cow when you can get the milk for free ? Posted: 8/22/2007 2:49:34 PM
I’m tired of other guys having all the fun posting opinionated questions. It’s My Turn. Why buy the cow ? That barnyard gate swings in two directions ! A guy doesn't want to ‘buy’, well that means the bovine is free, now doesn’t it ? Free to distribute milk to whoever she chooses. Free to be the cow that jumped over the moon. should she so desire. Free to paraphrase the old line ‘ Hello Sailor, can I buy you a . . . . glass of milk ? Entitled to say ‘ I have gotten a better deal at a new dairy. No more more milk for you.’ Holsteins need to realize they are NOT powerless animals, at the whim of another. IMHO any woman who buys into the ‘free milk=no one owns the poor cow’ scenario needs to ask herself some pointed self esteem questions, and also question if she gives her power away . A guy might buy a cow for the same reason he buys a car – Pride of Ownership. Those of us with something between our ears know – It ain’t about the price of milk . Well - all that venting felt good. Alright you fishes.. . . . . .. Got Milk ?

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 216 (view)

women marketable after 30? Surely you jest Posted: 8/20/2007 1:45:05 PM
Now you've got my dander up ! I have left 50 in the dust and it never enterer my mind that I am ”Not Marketable’, whatever the heck that means. FYI --my posted picture is 3 months old . First thing, I have my head on straight and compared to many 21 year olds, I REALLY have my act together. I hold up my end of a conversation with insight, logic and common sense, rather than hanging on a man’s every word as if each was a guaranteed pearl of wisdom. I know what I want in a relationship, what is a non-negotiable deal breaker, and when I see more baggage than a luggage shop, I have enough sense to get moving, not waste my precious time staying around and FIX a solution less problem. I am comfortable in my own skin. I have mellowed, though. I saw a tee shirt that said – across the front at chest level in smallish letters, “I have these, I don’t need brains.” In my youth, I might have picketed the store. Now I laugh and congratulate myself for not being silly enough to spend twenty dollars on a dumb shirt. The next time a 20 year old guy hits on me, (as happened 2 weeks ago) I will be sure to ask if he has heard that older women aren't marketable. And we can have a good laugh about it. This pseudo-fact doesn't seem to have made it to my world. I do have limits. I seldom date men under 40. Its a maturity and life experience thing. I will concede on one word. It IS unfair to contrast me with much younger woman, because this package can blow the doors off any bimbo who feels the need to use the word ‘LIKE’ 9 times in every sentence. Questions anyone ? If you are here for advice, here’s some. Stop talking to that idiot and order him back to his home galaxy. As a German Minister of Propaganda once said ‘ if you shout anything loud enough, and long enough, people will believe it.’ Don't listen to that dribble else you might start to believe it!

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 1506 (view)

Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all? Posted: 7/18/2007 9:02:35 AM
Let me jump in on the less popular side of this discussion. Last year I started talking to a guy who had no posted picture. His reason was that he did not take a good picture. After a number of e-mails, he sounded honest and straightforward and we met. He was an average looking toward borderline handsome gentleman originally from Scotland. After several dates, he didn't show any chemistry toward me, for whatever reason, and we both moved on with no hard feelings. The outcome wouldn't have been any different with a picture. My point is, there are some normal people out there with no pictures. I hope this does not give ammo to the duplicitous people , or ‘people in law enforcement – undercover’, or people who are planning to run for political office’, or any other dog and pony show reason.. I ask a lot of questions, look for red flags, trust my gut instincts and say NO when I deem necessary.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

Why Don't Women Pick Up Men On Dating Sites? Posted: 6/15/2007 1:52:23 PM
Crizella Many people here are on target with the reasons. Specifically misterclean, justmeandmax, subhacker, smile98765 and Geneseo when I can stop laughing at his take on the matter . Like the cliche ways - A Faint heart never won a fair lady. I would like to see a man demonstrate that he is interested in me enough to send an e-mail, rather than a guy who is wating for me to do all the work. I am a retired mother ! Don't do reruns ! You can't push a string. And JDMETRO you have a great smile. If I were in Texas AND you considered dating older women , your soccer buddy wouldn't be the one with my number.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Please help, i might be looking at this all wrong. Posted: 6/1/2007 6:50:58 AM
Here is a different angle to view the situation: It is unfortunate that the guy acted as he did. He is in the scum category, but he did not ask for advice. He did not indicate any desire for change and might not even know we (board posters) even exist. Reclassify him as a ‘teaching experience’ . Your female friend could be honest and open – with herself. What does she define she wants, needs, expects from a male-female “situation” be it FWB, dating, love, long term, or what. And step two, what is she doing to reach her goals. One analogy I have heard is the ‘red velvet rope’ reference. Just like in a club, only select few get past the red velvet rope into the VIP section. As a woman, I need to do my own screening and eliminating the cads up front. I need to treat myself respectfully , set my limits, and NOT GIVE AWAY MY OWN POWER, even though these actions look unfeminine. This is my life I am running. If a guy does not hit my mark, he does not get past MY rope. If he wants something casual, FWB type , No Go! We don’t match because I am a long term kinda babe. This eliminates the awful gnashing of teeth and regret later on my part. ( Anyone here ever hear of Charles Darwin, Survival of the Fittest ?) I might get called cold, heartless, the “B” word. I am not an arrogant, high maintenance woman. Actually I am trying to work up to being low maintenance. On the other hand, you have never seen me on Jerry Springer . Excuse me while I go take my own advice. Last year I blinked , and a charming, silver tongued , Richard Gere look-alike pushed my buttons , and had me forgetting what I must do to survive happily in life. TDH46, I enjoy reading the threads you create. They make me think - always a good thing. PS : Remember the proverb everybody : Time wounds all heals.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

can a relationship survive a 45 year age gap, Posted: 5/20/2007 5:03:52 PM
Hmmm Do you think she could be channeling Anna Nicole Smith ? Now everybody get real !

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Hopeless romantic in profiles - Minus ! Posted: 5/20/2007 9:29:34 AM
“Hopeless Romantic who likes to walk on the beach and has Family Values”. Is there a limit to the number of cliches that can be used in one profile ? Perhaps there should be. I have asked point blank, what hopeless romantic means and have never gotten a clear answer. It HINTS at bringing flowers, writing poetry, the wine-fireplace scenario, and crying at movies It seems to be used by guys that confuse flowers with weeds, haven't read poetry since elementary school, prefer to drink beer, and cry at movies ( even the ones starring Arnold Schwartznegger.) No put down here, I like beer. I am on PoF because I am trying to connect, and knowing honestly who I am dealing with will make a whole bunch easier. I don't have energy or inclination to play 20 questions to determine what you mean to say. If you want to play word games, try crossword puzzles. Honest communication trumps Hopeless Romantic every time. I did have an incident at work: One guy put his profile on a dating site and listed ‘ walks on the beach’. Several of us cornered him and asked ‘which beach ? He made a face and said he hated beaches and it was only there to attract chicks. ‘Who’s on First’ is the funniest comedy routine - ever. When trying to get to know a person, vague phrases don't work. My theory is : the operative word in ‘Hopeless Romantic’ is Hopeless. Talk the talk, and walk the walk.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Can a "casual comment "instantly turn you off? Posted: 4/29/2007 3:32:57 PM
VBX You asked a good , non frivolous question ! I agree with the posters who call it a red flag rather than casual comment. My experience happened when I was watching TV with a now ex boyfriend. A woman on a show was getting upset and yelling. Her husband was standing nearby. The now ex frowned expressing his disapproval, and casually mentioned that her husband should 'tune' her. 'Tune?', I asked calmly for verification. 'Yes', he said. He should have slapped her around so she wouldn't behave like that. Since he tipped his hand as showed he believed it was OK for men to hit women, I knew it was time to get myself OUT of there before it became subjective rather than theoretical !

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 121 (view)

Bald Posted: 4/29/2007 10:15:38 AM
Dear Miami Man: Let’s look at this a different way: First some background: I was watching TV some time ago an infomercial about men’s hair re growth was shown. It features some young , healthy guys whining about how they wouldn't go swimming without a hat. Following this up was a spot with the president of the ‘Bald Men of America’ club. The man had a head like a billiard ball, and he said, “Hey, It’s what’s in your head, not on it.’ As a woman in the dating world, if I was choosing, I would go for the confident guy , this is a no brainer. Why you should count your lucky stars: On a dating site like this,is not a democracy. It is necessary to eliminate people who we do not match up with for age, geographical, height, occupation, personal preference – aka ‘shallow’ , and many other reasons. Hopefully this will not be done in a cruel, mean-spirited manner. For example. I am out of your age range. Would you want to find out after six months ,that a woman was dating you for your curly locks, your flashy car, big house, or something superficial ? In some circles this is called ‘ Burning daylight’. In others it is wasting your precious time. You in a position to eliminate the lightweights and gold diggers. What’s left ? Uh, real people. I don’t know if ‘Bald is beautiful’, but it sure isn't the most important asset . Let’s pause here for a second and feel sad for all those movie star handsome and beautiful people who are frequently getting hit on for their looks alone. It must be hard for them to ‘connect’. Last note: There is a short piece of literature that turns an initially undesirable situation into an extremely desirable one. Its Called Tom Sawyer: Whitewashing the fence, by good old Mark Twain. .

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

My mother was (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 3/6/2007 7:40:23 PM
From my involuntary experience, those people who posted the suggestions, 'Run Away', 'Run far away', and 'run like hell', are giving exellent advice. There are several good books on the subject available from Amazon. If you have had a brush with a BPD, read these so you will understand and NEVER go near these guys again! The BPDs have no respect for other people's boundaries. The world exists for them. No one deserves respect. The rages are the worst. Anything, any event , real or imagined, will set them off. And they can turn on a dime, going from wild-eyed rage, to sweetness and light in a New York Second. There is no medicine for this condition because BPDs know exactly what they are doing. There is no chemical imbalance to correct. For those who admit to being a BPD, I do not care what in your history made you act like you do, When I was getting banked off walls, I did not give a rat's hindquarters for your lame justification. Life is too short.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Does asking what do you do for a living ..mean how much money do you have ? Posted: 3/4/2007 10:12:08 AM
When I ask what a person does for a living, I am asking, in my shorthand ,what is your mind set ? How are we going to communicate ? What do we have in common ? Do you do something vastly different than me that I can ask you questions and learn about ? I am in IT ( computers) usually, unless I get bored and take a break from the field. My style of thinking is rational, deductive reasoning, straightforward and logical. People who have get thru life ( both male and female) riding on someone else's dime, and the ' I'm beautiful, therefore I'm entitled' crowd and I really should not be in the same universe. I am not a mercenary person. My New Years resolution is to work UP to being a Low Maintenance woman. If a person believes that money defines them and makes them a better person, and its more than Green Ink on paper that thrills utility companies to receive from me every month, I have to wish these guys 'Have a nice life. Bye'. I see a conflict in values without a solution. Some here posted that 'work doesn't define us'. I only half agree. Not all occupations have an on/off switch. I say this because my father was a car salesman. Old Dad would look us in the eye, make a statement and if you believed it, it became "TRUTH" . I avoid some occupations, including Ford Salesmen. Wonder why.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 160 (view)

am I a d***** for doing this... Posted: 2/13/2007 10:31:11 AM
No Rlian, You are Not. I am female , not overweight, and old enough to remember that Paul McCartney was in a band BEFORE "Wings ". Way back when, girls/ women had this theory: That it was possible to find a guy - and then change the things about him she did not like. This did not work / has never worked/ will never work. People should be respected for what they choose to be. Know what is acceptable to you before investing yout time and (emotional) energy. My dealbreakers are Married , Alcoholics, Liars of all sorts, or Druggies at the top of the list. Other preferences figure in later. I don't think I could be interested in an obese person, or couch potato either, because exercising and healthy eating is too big a part of my life. What you might consider is put pencil to paper , decide what you want, and when to cut your losses if there is no match , sooner rather than later. By dragging on, you are 'burning daylight' , both yours and her's and the real potential partners both of you could have. Best of Luck

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Do you need to understand in order to move on? Posted: 1/25/2007 10:22:45 AM
Sue I also get in that trap where I need to know exactly what happened. Rather than waste more of my life, I started giving myself 'closure'. I have this quote flash up on my computer screen at startup: Release the past. Because when you focus on the past you deny yourself the future. Another poster wrote " Accept that it is what it is and let go. Accept that you may never get answers. " I would like to add Accept and KNOW that the person who denied you the knowledge you needed, wil get their karma returned to them - in spades ! I try not to be smug when this happens, but it is difficult.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Step one Posted: 1/22/2007 4:14:35 PM
First thing - get a book on Codependence. Alcoholic aren't in it by themselves. It takes an 'enabler'. Possibly that is you. There is a good book called 'Codependent No More' that is straight shooting. You don't want to escape from this situation and find yet another Alcoholic, do you ? Please say no. You don't want your kids to mirror the situation you are in when they grow up and get married ? After learning the buzzwords, The other posters are right. Al-Anon is a great support group. Dealing with an Alky is like gum on the shoe.

keeper515

Joined: 11/26/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Is There Guys Out There For Nerdy, Librarian Type Girls? Posted: 1/15/2007 5:37:17 PM
I am probably older than most of you ( because I am older than dirt) and the answer is Oh my gosh, YES ! There is something questionable about the High Maintenence dollymop who can't live without the admiration of total strangers and not stray more than 10 feet from a mirror. I am intelligent, warm, mature, and comfortable in my own skin. I attract men who think the same, and appreciate and respect these qualities in another. For the men who don't - hope they have a nice life -- elsewhere. Oh ! As a second wave, I attract men who have dated a self-centered , all flash, bimboesque girl, have realized what a loosing game that is, and are practically doing triple back flips to meet real , down to earth woman. I clean up well, but I don't play that card until down the road a bit. In a nutshell, Electric, don't worry yourself about others, focus on yourself, your wants and needs, and your strong points.

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