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Thread: SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER?

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 149 (view)

SHOULD HUGE FINANCIAL DEBT BE A DEAL BREAKER? Posted: 2/13/2008 7:21:30 PM
Coming from a similar situation, i have an astronomical amount of student loan debt. While I can not go and spend all my income on frivolous items, I am not denied any pleasures in life. I go out to movies several times a month, eat out at least once a week, etc. Things are better for both of us because we are in each others lives, and we share the burden together. Just because I am dating in debt does not mean I can't have any spending money, and I tend to think more about decisions instead of thoughtlessly spending and having little to show for it and material goods that don't mean much to me.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

Friends with Exes - Is It Really Such A Bad Thing? Posted: 2/13/2008 7:05:05 PM
I do not think it is a character flaw to be able to be friends with someone you should have cared about if you entered into a relationship with them. Dating is an experience to learn and grow to know another person, and hopefully if you are dating a person, you grow to respect them and share common goals and interests. That a relationship is not static and does not remain with romantic interests does not mean a relationship or friendship is flawed. THe only problem is to make sure that boundaries of friendship are not crossed into romantic relationships again if one or both of the people are in new relationships.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Syracuse Social Posted: 2/13/2008 6:51:46 PM
Bumping the post because it would be nice to meet some new people.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

how long should someome wait to date again after lossing a mate Posted: 2/13/2008 6:45:30 PM
As you said, it depends on the individual and the circumstances. I don't think hiding behind pain and emotionally distancing one self from relationships is healthy for years, but jumping in without allowing any healing time is just as bad. I think age and life experience plays a great deal in the subject.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 163 (view)

Ladies: guy kissing you or asking to kiss you? Posted: 2/4/2007 5:49:04 PM
I would really rather be asked. I do not going around kissing everyone the first time we meet, and being surprised that way is not a pleasant surprise when there is no attraction.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

IDIOT Posted: 2/4/2007 5:19:40 PM
I am really against the idea of thinking you are protected because you have pepper spray. For one thing, pepper spray is not mace, and some people have high tolerance to those things. The second thing, like any weapon you have it has to be accessible at the time. You can't say, please wait on your attack while I get out the pepper spray. Even if out, the spray must be pointed in the right direction, and wind conditions could cause it to harm the very person it is meant to protect. If you think you want to get your daughter such a device, make sure she takes a class on the proper use and limitations on it.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Why do women say they love you then dump you? Posted: 1/31/2007 10:16:46 PM
Well, since the thread has been revived- you can love someone with all your heart, but be better off not in a relationship. Love can't be rationalized into or out of existence. Sometimes you are with a person, in a situation, that just is not good for you physically or mentally, and you know you shouldn't be in it. It takes a strong person to move away from a relationship when they love someone, but know it isn't good for them.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Should I tell her? Posted: 1/31/2007 9:41:16 PM
One thing that catchs my eye is that you say you were not that interested in dating before, that it wan't a priority because of school and other issues. now that apparently some of those issues are resolved, or are in the process of being resolved, it seems like you may possibly feel that there is no hurdle to you dating- however you find yourself focusing on a woman that you know is unavailable. I wonder if this is not another barrier you have put up for yourself, instead of searching for someone you know you is available and that would result in an investment on your part, you choose one that is not only in a relationship, but has been in one for several years. If you truely think you are ready to date, and put in the time and emotional investment in another person, I wouldn't try to do it with someone who already has a serious relationship. She has been in that relationship several years, and regardless of whether she has feelings for you, wouldn't you be wary of merely being the rebound man?

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

How Much of the Ex Can You Handle? Posted: 1/30/2007 12:45:46 AM
I don't know about barring her from the house completely, but it would be reasonable to expect some boundaries to be established, including perhaps calling before visiting, having some of the meetings outside of the house hold, requring her to knock and be physically invited in. Find out what what sort of boundaries that he is willing to accept and if they are enough to satisfy you. If they are, then see them implemented first, and see how they well they are enforced before you move in with the guy.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 122 (view)

Disabled for life, should I be too? Posted: 1/30/2007 12:34:27 AM
I can't answer for your wife, but if that happened to me, I would want my loved one to find happiness. As they say, life is too short. it isn't that you don't love her, and won't be there for her, so it seems a shame to spend years of your life denying yourself a chance to find someone who is capible of loving you back and of being able to interact with you in a meaningful way. With or without vows, when you love someone, you should be there in sickness and health for them. But you can love them, honor them, respect them, without being with them. Never desert them, but don't put living on hold while waiting for someone to basically die.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Should i lie to my friends/family if i meet someone on-line? Posted: 1/26/2007 1:39:02 PM
I always told about meeting people online, and after I did, my friends started meeting people online too. One of them married a guy she met online, but she never told her parents or even her brother how she met. It really was a shame :(

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Desperately clinging to an EX ? Stalking ? Posted: 1/26/2007 12:39:26 PM
As other have eloquently put it, just because you are no longer with someone,doesn't mean the friendship is dead, or the love does not exist in some form. I was with my ex for almost 7 years, and you could consider us almost as friends growing up together too. We still share the same interests, still find the same things in common to talk about, still care about what happens in each others lives and are there for them if they need help.We understand each other in ways that other people don't.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Bumping into ex's? Posted: 1/26/2007 12:10:32 PM
My ex is on here and hes on my favorites list too. lol. He read about POF from my blog on myspace about this and joined. I also told my other ex about this place. Both ex's are on my myspace list, one of them even on my favorites and im on his. lol.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Is it right to trash & put personal info on internet after BAD breakup ? Posted: 1/23/2007 2:33:16 PM
It isn't right. It doesn't show good character if someone lashes out to hurt someone just because they are mad. I think it is fortunate that you did get out of that relationship, since it shows a small bit of what he is capible of.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 212 (view)

does anyone ever reply to mail Posted: 1/23/2007 2:29:37 PM
I try to reply to every person that emails me, but don't always get around to it for a few days. The thing that annoys me is that while I will respond to someone who writes to me, is the fact that the people who write often have not even bothered looking at my profile and will ask things that are right there to see (not just on this site, but on others where I have a more detailed profile). if they can not even be bothered to do that, it can be frustrating to take time to respond to them. I am also more interested in responding if someone puts something in thier profile to give you some common ground to work from.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

OK....What is everyones definition of dating? Posted: 1/20/2007 2:48:44 PM
I think it all depends on the context. You can go out on a date with someone, but not be dating them. You can be single and not looking (aka not dating at all), or you can be single and out dating people as in going out on dates to explore new potentials. Or you can be dating someone, as in a relationship with that person.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 430 (view)

DO PEOPLE REALLY WANT TO MEET? Posted: 1/20/2007 2:16:30 PM
I think people do want to meet, but that pictures help show us the nature of the problem. Too many people do look just at the pictures and don't read anything of the profile. On so many sites I get asked questions that are answered right in my profile. Before I answer any email I always look at a persons profile to know how I want to respond. For example, I am not going to encourage someone to write to me if they are separated from thier wife because I think they should use that time to work on thier relationship with thier spouse and I do not want to be a rebound. If people took the time to really look at profiles, they may actually connect with someone who has the same interests, values, and who is looking for the same thing. I however believe that pictures have some value- by the time you reach a certain age you do tend to be aware of things that are more likely to attract you. No matter how good a person is, how much you have in common with someone, it is that extra bit of attraction that raises someone from a friend to more. I do think attraction can grow, but there has to be some minimal building blocks to start with I think.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Syracuse Posted: 1/16/2007 4:09:06 PM
I would be interested in going. I even brought some friends aboard this website locally too, so depending on the date I might be able to drag some others along.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Syracuse Posted: 1/14/2007 11:32:30 PM
Im from syracuse and interested in meeting new people. I even joined up with http://www.meetup.com/ to try to meet local people too. I think it would be fun to meet as a group- that way you really get to meet new friends, not searching just for that special some one, so that you get to know people you wouldn't meet otherwise.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Found someone.. Posted: 1/14/2007 11:29:19 PM
Congratulations and hope for a happy future :)

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

breaking up Posted: 1/14/2007 11:02:33 PM
You know that you should not stick around. He cheated on you and he moved another woman in. If he regretted what he did, he would not be moving someone else, he would have been doing everything possible to make amends to you and to keep your family together. Its hard to start over after all these years, and kids, but you, by continuing to sleep with him and wondering about him, are denying yourself the chance to move on and get over him. You are keeping yourself tied physically and emotionally to a relationship that has already ended.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

culture shocked Posted: 1/14/2007 10:34:28 PM
I presume if you married this woman she would be leaving her family and moving to Canada to be with you, which is a lot to ask any of any person. You agreed to marry each other, and if you are not sure you want to marry her, you should discuss this with her. She may not want to move to be with someone who does not want to be with her, and even though she may seem traditional now because she agreed to marry you through parental arrangement, do you know enough about her to know how traditional she is herself? Just be honest and discuss all the options with with her. Who knows. maybe she would not want to stay around there if the marriage was called off, but she doesn't have to marry in order to move or maybe she will find someone non traditional who doesn't mind she had a marriage called off.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

ladies advice needed Posted: 1/14/2007 10:18:25 PM
She said she was sick, then you get a call and its no where near where she should be for someone being sick. You had a reason to try to contact her because you were worried and curious as to what really was going on. I don't see anything wrong with that. I do see something wrong with claiming to be sick, going out partying, and not admitting to any thing wrong with her behavior.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Love is NOT enough - Do you agree? Posted: 1/14/2007 10:06:03 PM
I agree that love isn't enough, but I think mind blowing relationships do exist. The I can't wait to see them, just seeing them makes you happy, still get the fluttery pulse from just holding thier hand even after dating for years DOES exist and I was fortunate to have one. Not every relationship starts out with the total fireworks, but I definitely don't think you should give up on looking for it.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

How long should people search on a dating site Posted: 12/16/2006 3:33:35 PM
When dating becomes all consuming or a chore, then I would think it was time for a break. I would stay on as long as you feel optimism for meeting new people, even if they only turn out to be friends. What is important is not to date someone, just to date someone. There is a difference in being overyly picky and not giving anyone a chance, vs knowing there just is no potential. Only you can know how your choices have been made over the past years.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 71 (view)

Is it odd to be 19 and never of had a boyfriend? Posted: 12/16/2006 3:15:25 PM
I was 19 before I had a boyfriend. I did not date much until 18 either. I see it as a very positive thing that someone doesn't want to date, just to date, just to have someone. Having confidence in yourself as a person and enjoying who you are are very important things, and it takes a strong person not to cave to pressure just to date anyone to fit in. I think it is a good thing to give people a chance to get to know you, so even if you are not sure of an attraction on the part of someone asking, giving a chance to learn and grow as a person through discovery of new friends and interests is great. However, don't ever let yourself be pressured into a dating bf/gf situation. You aren't doing yourself or them any favors if the interest is not there.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Why dont guys just tell you there not into you Posted: 12/16/2006 3:01:23 PM
The hard part about getting to know someone is you don't know what their actions mean. I meet a guy once that I had no clue what to think. We started talking by a lake early afternoon, and ended up out to lunch, then back at the lake, watched the stars, talked to early morning hours out there. It was starting to get cool out there and I was sort of hoping he would offer a hug, so I thought he wasn't interested at all. yet why keep talking all those hours? Well, we ended up dating for a while, so it goes to show that yes he was interested, but you can't expect him to be like others you meet who called x many times, or acted certain ways, because he is not them. Some things you only find out by getting to know them more.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 95 (view)

How old is too old to still be living with your parents? Would you date someone that still did? Posted: 12/16/2006 2:53:26 PM
As others have said, it absolutely depends on the circumstances. When I met my ex fi, he lived with his parents, and at 19 was going to college and lived with them until a bit over a year ago... Thier house was 10 minutes from our college, and I spent most of my time there too. My other boyfriend was 28 and lived at home. He had recently gotten a good job, but his previous job didn't pay enough to afford his own apartment, but the fact was he was working and he willing to work and was seeking to improve his life. I like the fact that I got to meet his family, get to know them and thier values and to see how he treats them too.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking? Posted: 12/16/2006 2:39:18 PM
Lust that people may feel for an "attractive" person isn't love. I believe love comes from the knowing of the person whom you love, and that can't usually come in one day, one view. Anyone that won't give you a chance to get to know you as even a friend then, is not the type of person that you should want anyways.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 1207 (view)

Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all? Posted: 12/16/2006 2:34:27 PM
I have met people without pictures before. Obviously it does not go well when they really misrepresent thier looks because if htey would do that about something they know they can't hide, what would they do behind your back? I met my ex whom I dated for 7 years and all he had was a picture of when he was like 6 on his ad. We talked for about a week straight before meeting, and getting to know him first and then growing to like him as a person first made the first date so much more special. I hate to sound superficial because I have met many people online that did not spark an immediate interest based upon attraction to thier looks, but if most of them worked out as dating candidates, I wouldn't be here. They made great friends because of common interests we had talked about before, but the spark was still lacking in person. I don't think it is necessarily bad to want a picture because there are some things we have learned about ourselves over the years, and we are just saving some time if we cut out the ones that we know are absolutely not the type we could ever be attracted to.

Joined: 12/8/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

a little help Posted: 12/16/2006 2:09:18 PM
I am not much help because I had been out of the dating game almost 7 years. I would just go with the object to get out, make a new friend, and not feel pressure to find out if he is the potential for long term. You are lucky about this first date because at least on a site like this, you already know more about a person than if you were asked out by a stranger at school or out- you know they are single, they are looking, they are interested in you, and you have read thier profile for hobbies, interests, etc. You already have a good basis to start a conversation when you go out. Good luck

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