Law school graduation--is it too soon to invite him? chat & forums.

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Thread: Law school graduation--is it too soon to invite him?

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Law school graduation--is it too soon to invite him? Posted: 5/22/2013 10:08:03 AM
You've been dating only two months and it seems as if you are emotionally invested far more than he is, but I would at this stage it's hardly uncommon. Many people feel after a few weeks of dating, that family is not to be introduced yet. He has his son that weekend and may feel it is too soon for him to participate in a family type occasion with you. Congratulations on your graduation, Law School is no small achievement. I do not think he was belittling the magnitude of your event, but is probably a time best spent with family and friends that have been there along the way.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

About to Lose my Best Friend.... Posted: 5/22/2013 9:17:05 AM
I think your friendship with S should take priority over anything else. She is your "best friend" according to your post and that should mean something. If you actually value the relationship, then S needs to be more important to you than some guy you like to hit sushi bars with. You've only known him a few month, S is a person you have real history with. Being honest with your BF about where you are and who you are with is great, but how many 90 minute drives to hang out with another guy is he going to accept, especially when he has told you he does not like R? R is hardly a brother or childhood friend, he's someone who friend zoned you. Respecting the boundaries of friendships and love relationships is part of growing up. Decide whether or not your friend's character flaws are too much to deal with or accept them. Is this momentary lapse of consideration on your part or her jealous tantrum more than your friendship can bear? The fact is you knew they were dating and should have wondered why if you were getting together with him, that she was being excluded. The dynamic of your friendship with both should have changed as soon as they started to date. You may not have romantic feelings for R, but you don't really know what his intentions are towards your best friend and he did throw you under the bus when confronted by her, not exactly a positive trait.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

So Today Posted: 5/21/2013 11:15:24 AM
Your wife was an enormous part of your life. It would be odd for you not to go through an entire range of emotions when triggered like that. My Aunt died last week and at her memorial service they also included many family photos. My Aunt was always smiling and laughing. I got to see a lot of childhood photos I had not seen in years. So many happy memories mixed in with bad haircuts from the 70's and 80's. My cousins and I were laughing through our tears.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

should i be worried. Posted: 5/21/2013 11:09:34 AM
Ignore him. You have done nothing wrong and you have nothing to fear. He's an idiot for making baseless threats. Stay off voxer, set up a new email account only for internet dating purposes. Trade a few emails and then meet in a public place.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Custody Battle Because Of New Boyfriend Posted: 5/21/2013 10:49:44 AM
This is an excellent example of what can happen when neither parent requests a custody/financial agreement after a break up. I have found that sometimes being nice and assuming everything will always go smoothly is very naive. Ask for either joint shared physical or custodial custody. Write down everything and insist on any communication regarding your daughter be done via email so you can keep records. The make up and high heels is what all 3 year old girls do. Dress-up is very normal. But if you feel she is being sexualized then get copies of the videos and present them to the court. Be very diligent, kids need protection and you can run a back ground check on the BF easily for under $50.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

About to Lose my Best Friend.... Posted: 5/21/2013 10:13:07 AM
Maybe I am too old for this level of BS, but I don't hang around other women's partners and not include them in the plans. You have been friends with her a long time, why did neither you or her BF even think to include her? Makes me wonder why your BF does not like R. Perhaps the green monster is very present in both realtionships.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

When Is It Time To Say Enough is Enough? Posted: 5/20/2013 12:39:32 PM
It's your choice. But what are you gaining by not staying online? A lady that would be an excellent match for you may join tomorrow. Finding a good fit should take time.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

Predator or Paranoid? What are his intentions? Posted: 5/20/2013 10:57:23 AM
You are a mother and there is something about this man that set your Mama Bear radar off, even if it took Dr Phil to confirm your feelings. Your good friend also expressing concern would be enough for most women to say, Next!!!! Listen to your gut instincts, the more you discover about him the more the warning buzzers should be going off. But for some crazy reason you are getting very defensive when other parents or posters wonder why you are apparently hell bent on going ahead with the meeting. Are men that scarce in your area? You say you are moving in with your Dad, have you told him every detail you have shared with us? Maybe he is 100% truthful about his unpaid parking tickets landing him in jail, but my experience tells me that a person that will ignore a minor thing to the point where it becomes a massive problem, is very likely to have other issues in their life that are also being neglected. This is the kind of problem that happens to slackers and idiots. Normal people do not get locked in the slammer over parking tickets, common sense would tell you he had months and months of notices from the State prior to anyone signing a warrant for his arrest. His brother (who you also do not know) vouching for him should mean zero to you. Think with your head and not your crotch, the guy is bad news.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

She Left Me For A Tattoo Artist Band Biker Mechanic Posted: 5/20/2013 10:11:43 AM
I had been talking to a woman from Cullman for awhile and was planning on meeting So, another man threw his hat into the ring first and she jumped at it. How many endless conversations do you need to have in order to meet someone for a cup of coffee? You waited too long. I am not sure how you made the jump from mechanic/artist/musician to full blown scary Hells Angel gang bang.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Possible Red Flag? Posted: 5/20/2013 10:05:38 AM
Your profile says a man must believe in god and should love animals. So your red flags are basically reasons to fear a guy that appears to fit your idea of a good mate.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

I'm a damn mess-sucked into the drama, need help out. (Long) Posted: 5/17/2013 11:15:03 AM
You've been divorced for only a year. You say you left your Ex three times before you decided his abuse was never going to end and then filed for divorce. So you barely break off from a crappy marriage and then fall into this piece of sh1t? You have been dating this man for 8-9 months and guess what......? You're doing the same exact thing, breaking up with him every few days and then taking his pathetic ass back. You do not see any type of a pattern here? The problem is you, it's not the bad boys. You can't let go. You hold on to bad relationships with a death grip.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

How to tell if you've moved past friends with benefits Posted: 5/10/2013 9:50:32 AM
When he starts to introduce you to friends and especially family as 'my girlfriend'.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

WTH, I mean, really??? Posted: 5/9/2013 6:38:11 AM
So now you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this man is a liar about everything. All your questions about his mixed signals over the years were because nothing ever added up about this guy. Jerks like him are not living a golden life, his entire foundation is built on lies. He lies to everyone about everything. I would suggest that the next time he emails or IMs you, that you tell him that you will contact his wife if he ever tries to talk to you again. Then move on and stop blaming yourself. You trusted him because it is in your nature to trust and love.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

How does one let things go? Posted: 5/8/2013 1:36:19 PM
3 dates is a little early to become exclusve, but she did agree to it. The issue you have I believe is with the lie, not the date. I don't think you will move forward until you do discuss this completely with her. Why ignore it? What else is going to bother you that you just try to ignore?

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Not sure what to do..Help Posted: 5/8/2013 7:17:39 AM
I would suggest joining some new Meetup groups you can find online. You may not be ready to date but finding a new social circle will certainly get you prepped to be out there again.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

going on 10 months, should I love her or leave her? Posted: 5/7/2013 12:14:13 PM
It's been 10 months and you simply don't love her, you gave it a shot and you discovered she wasn't what you wanted. You cannot force affection or fake feelings for someone long term. Walk away and let her find someone better suited to her. I think the fact that you are checking out her friends is really immature. Man up and set her free.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Is life alone a question that should be asked.(not bitching) Posted: 5/6/2013 12:59:23 PM
Yes, I believe there are many people out there that would be far happier not having to work on a love relationship or share their time/space/belongings with another person. In order to have sucessful love relationships you have to be constantly considering another humans feelings, needs and desires. It can be nice to just focus on yourself and have the freedom to live wherever and however makes you happy. Being alone does not mean they are lonely, it may just be a preferred state.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Should I date yet? Posted: 5/6/2013 12:52:27 PM
I think the last thing you should be focusing on is a new relationship right now. You have so many issues that need your full attention. I believe you need to concentrate on recovery and finding employment. Just because you did not drink around your GF or her child did not make the issue non-existent, it just showed you were a somewhat functioning alcoholic. In order to be a good partner you need to be a self supporting sober adult.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Did I Blow It? Posted: 5/6/2013 12:14:38 PM
You did nothing wrong. She may have been speaking to multiple people online and simply moved on the the next guy. You kept your previous commitment and that was the priority that day. If this was a good chance for you.......it would have turned out better. Don't bog yourself down with regrets of what never was.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 76 (view)

Help from Ex wife Posted: 5/6/2013 11:30:12 AM
He's still very much involved with his Ex wife, they have history together and share friends. From the sound of his texts back and forth, his feelings are still strong and he has no intention of breaking off communication with her. What would I do? I'd break up with him and find a man that is only interested in dating me.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

How frequenty should a couple be having sex for my age 39? Posted: 5/6/2013 10:58:01 AM
6 times in a month? So once maybe twice a week. I think the right answer is, what feels normal for you? How often do you spend time together? Do you see each her a few times a week? Are you going out, staying home? Many relationships start off hot and heavy but then trickle off as life gets in the way. The one thing I will comment on is, if you are showing up at her house just to get laid, she has probably figured that out. No lady wants her bedroom being treated like a fast food drive thru. At 5 months I would hope you are still romancing her outside the sheets. Is this the same gal that won't go to sporting events and concerts with you? Or are all your GFs the complete opposite of what you are really looking for?

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Childfree life Posted: 5/2/2013 1:51:18 PM
I have do children, but I hope insight is valid to you. I knew from when I was a child myself that I wanted a family. It was as obvious to me as my eye color or my favorite flavor of ice cream. My best friend however, always said she was not interested in having a child. And when she married she and her husband did not want kids, they are happy with their decision and lead a wonderful fulfilling life. They were always on the same page. I do also know three older women that claim their biggest regret is not having kids. It was a good decision in their 30's and 40's but now that they are retired they are the only ones among their friends that do not have children. All their friends have people that look out for them, care for them and keep them active. I do firmly believe that you have to be with people of a like mind, but I also think that since you are young and have not met a man you want to marry, you may not be sure. Not wanting kids puts you in a rather unique category, it is not like an aversion to mushrooms or the color pink, you cannot change your mind once a kid arrives.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Extreme body mods Posted: 5/1/2013 11:11:41 AM
I think it is the kind of thing that should be addressed within a date or two, some women will be incredibly turned on and the others just won't be your type. Body modification certainly has its fans. Going forward, I will be constantly wondering if the grandmotherly HR lady at my job is a closet freak.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 107 (view)

PROBLEM with stepkid Posted: 5/1/2013 6:39:54 AM
wow, so no one ever got help from their parents and there are no parents out there willing to help their kids. Read the entire thread. The OP and her husband have been putting up with this overgrown child for years. The girl's family are more than willing to standup and support the girl and baby, but the son wants things his way and is asking the OP and her new husband to renovate their home to suit him. He has a history of drugs, arrest and laziness. Not exactly someone I'd continue to enable. Nomad, I think you need to give your husband an ultimatum, either the boy gets his own place or you do. You did not sign up to support the habits of the bad seed. If the kid is working full time then he needs to move out. You can be a good parent and practice tough love at the same time.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Let Freedom Ring, or Get her a Ring? Posted: 4/30/2013 12:41:53 PM
Get her a ring???? You don't even know if you want to date her. Take it slowly, keep the kid out of it, and allow time to disentangle yourselves from other relationships. This is not the time to be exclusive, it is far too soon knowing your history.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends Posted: 4/28/2013 12:55:29 PM
I think nothing good can come of being friends with this guy, do you think his real GF will stand for it for very long? He has been stringing you along since day one and will continue to do so. What is your biggest hope, that he will see the light and return to you? You deserve more than to be his second choice. Cut off all contact. You need to assume that at least half of what he says is complete BS and the other half is just his side of the story.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Young adult children from his/her marriage Posted: 4/28/2013 12:40:01 PM
I would not enable either of these adult children. You are renting, therefore are not in a position to allow these two to just move in, it goes against your landlords rental agreement and could get you tossed out. I would continue to ready the family home for rental as planned. Both young men were well aware that the home was being sold and Mom was leaving as these things do not happen overnight. I would have their father tell them to start looking for a room to rent. Anyone working 6 days a week should be able to afford an apartment/room. As far as the 2nd son, it's time for him to be self supporting, perhaps his brother may be willing to help him out but at 21, how much longer is his childhood supposed to last? The only way a young person is going to move forward in life is to take charge of it. I am assuming it is not convenient to your employment which is why you and your BF are not going to be occupying the family home. Owning a house and renting one sounds a bit silly otherwise.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Difference between authentic and inauthentic love Posted: 4/19/2013 8:44:16 AM
my life is not trying to become popular on POF by putting my two sense in someone elses forum especially when the conclusion you arrived at comes off as ignorant. I'm too busy working on my Master's So the point of your post is? If it is not an issue for your relationship, if its not an issue for your family...............

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Divorce frustration Posted: 4/18/2013 6:38:41 AM
You're living with a married man that is using you as a substitute for the Ex that threw his ass out. Common sense would be for him to get his own place.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

It's been a year, he won't give me oral! Posted: 4/18/2013 6:36:19 AM
From your posts he sounds like a lousy lover and he's not willing to change. Next!

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

7-Day contact rule?!? Posted: 4/17/2013 12:14:55 PM
There's nothing up, he is NOT interested in you. If a man does not contact you within 48 hours move on. Hard to get is a game and I don't play games.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

No I love you, and b/f still on POF while in relationship - Help! Posted: 4/17/2013 6:46:41 AM
He is not in love with you, you're both young and he does not feel it as deeply as you do. Most people will not tell someone they love them if they don't and it is a huge amount of pressure in a new realtionship. You have a huge jealous streak and he is not ready for any kind of commitment to you. You are not out of your mind, but you are certainly hurting any chances you have of a good relationship as long as you continue to snoop and question a man's motives. Young guys want to have sex, date, have fun and enjoy their youth. They do not want to be shackled to some girl that needs to be told 'I love you' all the time. They have the rest of their lives to settle down.......and so do you.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

downgrading to lower education or profession on profile Posted: 4/16/2013 1:20:44 PM
The more you have in common with a person the better the odds of being a good match. Why would an intelligent and accomplished person think it's a good idea to start off lying? It is the choice of an idiot.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Learned my lesson dating a single parent Posted: 4/16/2013 1:04:25 PM
She's married and her husband knows she's contacted you on a dating site......do you not see anything wrong here?

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

(Long) Help Me Understand Her: Why? Posted: 4/16/2013 12:57:52 PM
She's made it very clear she does not consider you BF material, but I think she really wants to have a bit of a fling with you. Trust me you will get over her.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Sperm & Egg Donors: How would this effect your feelings? Posted: 4/16/2013 12:17:42 PM
I think what you are doing is great. I would do the same for a family member if they asked me, my sister and her husband spent 3 years trying to conceive it was very stressful and heartbreaking for them. Stranger donations are a bit more unusual to me. I saw a special on Dateline one time about a single woman and her daughter that searched out her donor. He was happy to meet them but was very clear he would never be her 'father'. I remember he also showed up very late to their original meeting and it left them both feeling very let down. It turned out he not only had willingly fathered 5 children with his various girl friends, and had donated sperm to many different clinics. He was bright, well educated and crazy as a loon. He believed he was helping the world be a better place by filling it with his superior progeny.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Me and my wife is seperated. She is seeing someone else and I want her back Posted: 4/16/2013 10:23:11 AM
Personally I would file for divorce and tell her to get out.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

The Brightside Posted: 4/16/2013 9:26:50 AM
Your friend needs to be a bit more supportive, if everyone had that attitude we'd never leave the house. You had a pleasant time but it was not a match. Consider it a stepping stone to the right girl for you.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Gay child Posted: 4/16/2013 9:24:16 AM
It is not abnormal for a parent to take a while to get used to the idea of having a gay child. Hopefully the mother will come around and both parents will remain where they are in order to support this teens choice. Coming out to parents at 16 is probably the hardest thing this child has ever had to do. The entire family needs to accept and support the choice. Moving to a new province should not be in the cards for the Dad at this time.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

I screwed up royally need advice........... Posted: 4/16/2013 8:18:39 AM
5 months? At 29 years of age I would think a GF of 5 months would be invited to your birthday party. So what your post is telling me is that you don't have the nads to bring a girl home. Grow up. If you were this woman's date to a wedding (I also assume you were not just showing up) you should never have left to help your brother with his car trouble. "I'm at a wedding" should be a good enough reason to ask your brother to please call someone else. What kind of overbearing unreasonable family do you belong to????? What is the point of dating someone that accuses you of cheating, you don't feel close enough to introduce to your parents and you don't think twice about blowing off for some BS excuse?

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

i'm taking a nap Posted: 4/11/2013 5:41:30 PM
Why don't you try a few 'meetup' groups in your area? Try making some new friends, give yourself some time to sort out your finances and health issues before looking for a GF. You really have to get your divorce rolling if you want to date. I would think the new Obamacare laws would help you get treatment without having to stay married to your Ex. Most women on here are looking for a man they can forge a loving relationship with, and if you are still technically 'married' and plan to remain that way for a while, it is going to be hard to convince a gal you are sincere. Would you want to date a woman that had a husband, even if he lived 5 miles away from her?

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

I'm having a hard time. Posted: 4/11/2013 5:28:33 PM
At 20 I think you will have far more luck meeting a girl face to face.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

so here is my problem Posted: 4/11/2013 5:24:10 PM
She messaged you to break the date, that was polite. You can certainly thank her for contacting you and tell her that you will be happy to consider meeting in the future if she is interested. You don't need to go any further. She knows exactly how to contact you, if she wants to try another time. Leave the ball in her court and move on.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Was I wrong? Posted: 4/11/2013 12:59:15 PM
You were right to call it off, she is very unreasonable to expect you to wait a month or more between dates.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Girl finds sexual activity nasty... Posted: 4/11/2013 12:57:19 PM
You're not a match, you want a normal relationship and she is demented.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits Posted: 4/11/2013 12:55:19 PM
If you have not met then you are not friends, this man was strictly looking to get laid nothing more. I would advise you to stay off the chat feature, for some reason the topic ALWAYS turns to sex on there.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

aaaarrrrgggghhhh! Posted: 4/11/2013 12:43:31 PM
she has been living in her own place since leaving almost a year ago So you have actually been separated for less than a year. Be truthful if asked, no one considers lack of sex the same thing as being separated. The fact that you are not going to get divorced so you can be on her insurance means you plan on being tied to her for some time. Date very casually, do not look for a relationship at this point because you are in no position to offer one.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Mixed feeling about girl @ work (NEED ADVICE) Posted: 4/11/2013 6:42:04 AM
How much younger is she? If she is over 21 ask her out. The worst that can happen is she says no thank you.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Separated status - does it really matter? Why? Posted: 4/10/2013 11:49:57 AM
There are many kinds of separated, if he is been through court and is simply waiting for the divorce papers in the mail you may feel more comfortable going forward, he may have moved on with his life but helps his ex with health insurance. But then there are the guys on here that LIVE with their wives, can't afford to get divorced, sleep on the couch and who consider themselves separated. LOL So you have to ask all the details.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Boyfriend can't deal with drama? Posted: 4/10/2013 11:35:29 AM
Two months and he is acting like an a-hole? At this stage he is supposed to be on his best behavior. Between ditching you at the party and ignoring your calls I would hardly advise you to move forward with him. Chances are the gals at the party are friends of his Ex wife. "She was insecure about her postion in life" you got all that from being at a party with her for an hour and a half? That was great of you not to brag about your huge career and you sound a bit full of yourself, having a bachelors degree hardly puts you in a position to be overly smug.

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