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carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

anyone have an answer? Posted: 11/20/2009 1:38:18 PM
Bite your tongue until you get out of the house unless you want to ruin your relationship with your folks. It is their home and they apparently view that as it means they are in charge since you are living there. Parents often have a tough time separating the adult child from a child. But of course, we are hearing your side only, their view of the living with them situation may be very different.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

anyone have an answer? Posted: 11/20/2009 1:26:35 PM
The only way to really avoid this is by getting your own place. They are not going to stop because they still view you as a child living under their roof.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Embarrassing moments brought to you by your kids Posted: 11/20/2009 1:21:39 PM
I was in line at the deli department in a supermarket and I turned to look at my 3 year old son in the carriage and noticed he was chewing. I was about to scold him for going into my purse and taking gum when I noticed a large bite missing from a long loaf of Italian bread sticking out of the wagon next to ours. I high tailed it out of there.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

33 and tired of chasing @$$ Posted: 11/20/2009 9:23:58 AM
You're 33 and living like you are 23. Smoking 3 x a week? No wonder you don't have the motivation to do anything. Women your age are looking to settle down and start a family and it is hard to imagine that with a guy that is stoned out of his gourd half the time and does not have a real job.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Being committed to the relationship Posted: 11/20/2009 9:12:48 AM
4 1/2 years of dating on and off should tell you 100% that OFF is the way to go.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

My date plans dates with short notice ! Posted: 11/20/2009 8:00:14 AM
Face it, he is not interested enough to call you daily or 'plan' a weekend date ahead of time. He probably needs more than 3 dates to feel any sense of obligation to do that. Make plans for your weekends, call him or shoot him an email if you would like to see him but don't play games or sit around waiting for the MAN to call the WOMAN. You're a 36 year old engineer not some HS girl.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

which one??? Posted: 11/19/2009 10:14:47 AM
Normally I would not condone dating in the workplace but seeing as you are only 20 chances are you are entry level and it would not affect anyone else. But try to get over on man before you hop on another.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

What should I do about this....? Posted: 11/19/2009 10:12:57 AM
I would go as sign of respect, they publish obits in the paper and many friends and old neighbors will show. If you are not there I think it would make a far bigger statement about you to him.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Curious - mothers who don't have their kids Posted: 11/19/2009 10:11:22 AM
My son has two male friends who went to live with their Dads when they were 12 and 13. It was no reflection on the Mother or their relationship with her. They just needed or wanted to be around their Dad more. It is not uncommon for teen boys to want a strong male role model. It would devistate me if my son left to live with his Father but only because I would miss him do much, not because his Dad is not a good parent.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Hes my fallback guy but I want something new. Posted: 11/19/2009 10:06:38 AM
It's not that complicated, you don't want to tell him the truth because there are no other options right now. Bad. Grow up and talk to him like an adult, what you are doing right now is just mean.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Althetic Child, wants to be in soccor, but shared visitation makes that impossible, suggestions? Posted: 11/19/2009 10:00:03 AM
Talk to her father. Perhaps there is a team half way between both of you and you can each drive on your separate weekends. Many proud parents travel long distance to see their kids play.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Wants to know about past realationship Posted: 11/19/2009 9:52:47 AM
I would suggest there was no reason to tell someone you have only known 5 weeks this information, but now that you have, full disclosure is nessesary. After that tidbit I'd want to know what he did and if you were aware of it when dating him. It says a lot about your character.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

We broke up, we made promises, a year and half later, i feel absolutely horrid. Posted: 11/19/2009 6:50:41 AM
Don't expect a teenager to act like an adult. 17 year olds should not be entering into love contracts with each other.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

When should I move on? Posted: 11/19/2009 6:15:29 AM
You don't need to post a picture if you are concerned about him finding you. Keep the information on your profile very benign, do not mention anything about your kids other than to say you have some. You can email a picture to someone after your correspond with them and decide they are worth meeting. May I suggest joining a book club or finding a very casual social group just to get out of the house once in a while? (wine tasting, hiking, cooking) use the website meetup.com to find some in your area. Casual friends can be a real life saver when you need a confidence or emotional boost. Get out gradually, don't introduce your children or invite someone to your home until you are comfortable with it. Relax, take your time and it will work out. You are stronger than you think.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Should I hang in there Posted: 11/19/2009 6:00:35 AM
I agree with Chardy, its all sour grapes. You don't like the idea that you spent time and energy caring about someone that is ready to move on without you. Don't be surprised if the ill health is BS too.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Start off as the new partner, then become their parent Posted: 11/19/2009 5:51:07 AM
assertive, rich and complex personality Says you. Sometimes it is far easier to go along in order to get along. What you may see as healthy debate or assertiveness becomes an annoying urge to control the situation. For type B's like myself we honestly could give a sh1t what movie we see or restaurant we go to, who makes the decision for something so banal is not that big a deal to us.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Second marriages, do they work? Posted: 11/18/2009 10:40:19 AM
My parents marriage has worked for 47 years. Een though they had all the 'issues' that are supposed to cause problems. Crazy Exes, judgemental relatives etc.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Is there any recourse??? Posted: 11/18/2009 10:35:33 AM
Dating a couple of different men in a short 6 week period would lead me to guess that you are NOT filtering or spending a resonable amount of time getting to know the man before meeting them. Try more email time, short coffee dates in public places and weed out the freaks. I have met nothing but normal kind people on here.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

A question for you all... Posted: 11/17/2009 12:22:27 PM
Alpha Males can be charming, witty, kind and generous. They are just in complete control of their lives. A jerk is just a jerk.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Liking someone for who they are rather than what they offer Posted: 11/17/2009 10:42:02 AM
You certainly can be broke and happy. Plenty of my friends and I in our 20's were just that and they were some of the best times of my life. But when you are looking to marry and start a family, it is hard to feed them words and warm them with philosophy. A woman looking for a man to have a family with wants to know he will take the responcibility of family very seriously, that he will put aside his own comforts or wants in order to care for greater needs of the children. When you are a parent having a nest egg, extra cash for emergencies, life goals and focus on the future are not options anymore...they are harsh reality. Try to set yourself up for success, even if you do not meet the right girl for years starting a retirement plan, saving money for a rainy day, having a logical and relaiable career path, no more McJobs if you want kids!!!

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

No-one likes him except me Posted: 11/17/2009 10:22:21 AM
He said he left a $30 hr job sold all his possesions during the worst economy in decades to take a road trip? Now within a couple of months he's broke and you are supporting him? Listen to your family. The Job, TV etc. are probably complete BS.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

I can't take this anymore! Posted: 11/17/2009 10:18:52 AM
the house is under my name, I solely hold the mortgage and the deed to the property Then why do you need to sell it or ask his permission to do so? Call your lawyer tell he/she the divorce proceedings need to be filed immediately or you are calling the bar association. If you cannot afford your mortgage move out and rent the property. But like the others have said you are prolonging the role of victim as long as you allow your Ex to call the shots.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Current girlfriend keep insisting on meeting my ex...Drama Drama Drama!!! Posted: 11/17/2009 10:05:20 AM
If your GF wants to let that kind of drama into her life then tell her to be a big girl and make the call herself. Unless she is helping you to raise your children there is no need fo her and your Ex to ever speak, especially when your Ex appears to be completely psycho.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

having a tough time. (could use alot of help.) Posted: 11/16/2009 1:39:11 PM
i'm waiting on his part as to give me an final answer Final Answer? You're divorced. That WAS your final answer. For some odd reason you have refused to accept it and have allowed him to manipulate you into believing that there is some type of future for the two of you. In the mean time he IS dating whether he admits it or not and has moved on with his life. You need to cut off all contact with him. Stop calling, emailing, texting and get some help. Your previous therapist did not help you because you'd rather live in some adolescent fantasy world where the man comes back. He doesn't.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Am I doing the right thing? Posted: 11/16/2009 9:46:19 AM
You're all a bunch of carefree teenagers. Enjoy it and lose the drama.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

single mom's pressured into lesbian sex Posted: 11/16/2009 9:41:23 AM
Is this question for real or are you just looking for a new wack off fantasy?

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

bf has bad time management Posted: 11/16/2009 9:11:07 AM
Break up with him. He obviously does not take punctuality very seriosly and it WILL affect him his entire life. Should you marry it will affect you as well. But I am also concerned with the amount of screaming and yelling you seem to do. He's disrespectful if he is late but it is OK for you to go ballistic every time he is? Sounds like you are just as out of control and immature as he is. If you do not like the way your relationship is going or if this problem is causing you to lose your cool daily, why bother????

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Dating A Single Child Posted: 11/16/2009 8:54:47 AM
You could marry someone with many siblings that are not in your childrens life at all. Many families no longer live in the same area or are all that close. My Ex and I lived in Colorado after college for 10 years, none of our family members lived within 1000 miles. My brotherand sister made the trek yearly and my parents visited at least 2-3 times a year. We never received a visit from one of my Exes 5 siblings or his parents the entire time we lived there. None of them are broke and we offered to fly his parents out every Christmas but they hated flying. some families are just like that.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Do you feel you Do More in a relationship - Or does your SO do more for you? Posted: 11/16/2009 8:23:10 AM
I don't keep a running tally. I think the 'burdens' of any good friendship/relationship shift shoulders regularly.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/16/2009 7:09:06 AM
and i feel he feels the same way. You talk about everything EXCEPT that? It sounds to me like you hope he feels the same way. FWB going on two years, best friends, you go out on the weekends and you love him? Sounds like someone is keeping their options open and it is not you. FWB is not about love its about sex. I would have to ask the question"what the hell is going on here" because otherwise you are going to be left with a big empty void in your life when he decides to bail.

CAROLANN0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

8 month old up through the night again Posted: 11/15/2009 6:07:14 PM
The one thing you can guarantee with a child is once YOU get a routine established, it changes. Very normal.

CAROLANN0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Are the cards stacked against me? Posted: 11/15/2009 6:06:03 PM
You structered your life 5.5 years ago to be a SAHM. What plans do you have to be a self supporting adult? Are you going to lose your home and your mind once alimony goes away? As a single Mother that is the sole support of two kids, I have to wonder if you are able to cover your lifestyle, your family and home. Date casually and enjoy your life. Be positive and get rid of any dependence on the Ex. Mine went from 6 figures to zero and living with Mom in 2 years. You have to prepare.

CAROLANN0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

cheating, how prevalent is it? Posted: 11/15/2009 5:58:04 PM
I've never cheated on an exclusive relationship, nor to my knowledge has a partner cheated on me. I'd say not that prevelent amongst couples that communicate well.

CAROLANN0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Prove Me Wrong, PLEASE Posted: 11/15/2009 5:54:49 PM
Requirement? No. Desired? Oh yeah..........................

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Well you chose them Posted: 11/13/2009 12:20:57 PM
But way too late carolanne, you had kids with him and you complain about him all the time Yeah, and a whole lotta good that does me.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Well you chose them Posted: 11/13/2009 11:11:33 AM
I did choose him. At 23 he seemed funny and fun and was very different from the straight laced parents that raised me. I loved the fact that he was not afraid of my Mother like I was, he told her flat out if she did not like him Too Bad!!! He remained the same, anyone that did not like him, disagreed with his opinions, questioned his work or wanted to be heard was told 'Too Bad'. Mortgage need paid? Too Bad. Credit Card agency was on the phone? Too Bad. He quit every job he ever had at least once a year. Too Bad. I changed for the better I believe. I grew up and he chose to continue to be the same brand of selfish he was before kids, responsibilities and real jobs became part of our adult lives. I dealt with adulthood straight on and he remained the same. Did I choose him? Sure. But I also chose to leave him.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Birthday party dilemma Posted: 11/13/2009 11:01:11 AM
I think it was extremly rude of her to even ask. Had she offered to pay upfront for any expenses that would be different. I have always believed that parents should not insist that siblings be included in everything. Birthday parties are expensive. I suppose she just dropped them both off so you could babysit too?

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Disclosing certain information Posted: 11/13/2009 10:43:43 AM
Just say he was a complete A-Hole and it took you a few years to admit it to yourself and get the nerve up to leave. You do not need to air all your dirty laundry unless you have not put it behind you and somehow feel a need to explain yourself or your reactions to certain stimuli.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Possible for a man to love two women at once? Posted: 11/13/2009 10:38:51 AM
Don't you get it? Although he is mourning the loss of his marriage and family he needs someone to have sex with while he is waiting to see if his wife will return. He is a liar, a user and you were naive enough to fall for his BS.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Should a potential LTR's FAMILY BACKGROUND make a difference? Posted: 11/12/2009 10:07:43 AM
Had I met and gotten to know my Exes family prior to our marriage I would have run like hell. We moved 2000 miles away and yet their drama, anger, depression and ignorance held to us like glue.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

When do I ask again, or do I? Posted: 11/12/2009 9:52:50 AM
14 hours away? Far East or Russia? Beware of scams my friend, they prey on those looking for love. Calling each other sweetheart and pineing over a stranger are clear signs that you are vunerable.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 274 (view)

are women playing GOD when they become pregnant Posted: 11/11/2009 1:37:51 PM
What exactly do you want, men do not get pregnant and the only thing you can control in this world is your own reactions to situations. A man has 100% control who he has sex with and whether or not he wants to put himself in a position where a partner can be impregnated. If you are so afraid of becoming a father the answer to me seems quite simple, don't have sex with anyone you would not want to accidently impregnate. Self control is too much to ask?

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Baffled, Hurt and I Did Give Too Much of Myself Too Early... Posted: 11/11/2009 9:46:01 AM
She's a Mom and has to weigh the options of trying to start a relationship with someone that lives HOURS away. It may have little to do with you personally, but seriously what kind of dating can you posibly do when you are so far way? Yuo spent the night once and now will expect to be asked to stay over always. Do you want to uproot your entire life? Do you want to leave Maryland? Will seeing her once a month be enough for you? She more than likely does not want to get her or her kids involved with someone that is not there.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

6 month relationship Posted: 11/11/2009 9:32:08 AM
If getting married is your goal then you need to decide exactly how importnat it really is for you. You can have a long loving relationship with someone without a piece of paper to seal the deal. How long has he been divorced? If it is only a short while he may be bvery unwilling to take the plunge a 2nd time.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

i wanna know what you think of this?? Posted: 11/11/2009 9:29:01 AM
She's got you on ths back burner, I advise you to keep looking and block her.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Plan B for a teenager Posted: 11/10/2009 11:09:05 AM
I would say she is not mature enough for the responcibility of sexual intercourse or the pill and should look into other options for birth control. Talk to her Dr about her getting the shot instead. You can see to it that she gets it every 3 months like clockwork because if you leave it up to a 15 year old you can start calling yourself Grandma in the next year or two.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

someone please try and help me understand... Posted: 11/10/2009 10:13:19 AM
Get your act together and go to court, when you have a visitation schedule and a child support amount written in stone he can no longer blame you for his un-involvement. An hour away is nothing, many non custodial parents drive further than that to see their kids weekly. Stop caring what he thinks just be the best mom you can be.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Visitation: Dos and Don'ts Posted: 11/10/2009 10:05:41 AM
If they go to school or daycare every day what is the difference? Your opinion just seems to be more important than your Exes to you.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Should I get divorced? Posted: 11/10/2009 9:53:18 AM
You married a teenager and expect her to act like a responcible adult? Highly unlikely. Unless you are both willing and able to go to couples therapy I doubt the relationship will last. Your relationship with your child is another matter. Get a good lawyer file for joint shared physical custody and keep accurate records of everything.

carolann0308

Joined: 12/9/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

He says he loves her... Posted: 11/10/2009 9:12:30 AM
He sounds like a despicable loser and she sounds like a whiny baby that needs to grow up, grow a set and kick his ass to the curb instead of whining about how he mistreats such a good woman. He will never change and she's going to grow old waiting for him to. I feel sorry for the children.

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