It's been a year, he won't give me oral! chat & forums.

Show ALL Forums

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Author

Thread: It's been a year, he won't give me oral!

Phenomenally43

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 54 (view)

It's been a year, he won't give me oral! Posted: 4/18/2013 8:46:05 PM
If you are left feeling " unfinished" after sexual intimacy, no amount of prompting, compromise or encouragement will make up for an essential lack in your relationship. Oral isn't for everyone... That being said, there are plenty of partners who will satisfy you sexually, emotionally and intellectually. Ask yourself why you would choose to accept less than what you want. This isn't so much about him as it is about you... Don't you deserve to feel fulfilled? He sounds like the kind of man who isn't invested in your pleasure... Which may be a red flag for what's in store for your future in many other important areas. I'd move on, not because of sexual incompatibility but because selfish people will never fulfill the exact purpose of a relationship; to be vulnerable; to overcome challenges; to explore & to grow.

Phenomenally43

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 67 (view)

aaaarrrrgggghhhh! Posted: 4/11/2013 9:19:16 PM
OP... Get your situation together before trying to date. Separation and medical issues are not attractive to women seeking a relationship. If the tables were turned, would you really want a woman who is still maried & needing surgery? As an aside, you can remain insured from a former spouse by contributing to the insurance... Unless there are also financial concerns... Which kinda makes dating a problem. Wanting isn't enough. Get your stuff resolved THEN date. Your future partner will appreciate & respect you and closing the lid on old business and being healthy is a HUGE turn on! All the best.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 28 (view)

Unjustified hostility - fight back, or just let it go? Posted: 10/14/2012 8:00:04 AM
The Internet is a place of anonymity and people who would never insult you or make sexual remarks so aggressively become emboldened behind a computer screen... Delete, block and move on.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 33 (view)

Would you contact someone who does not have a full body shot picture in their profile? Posted: 10/12/2012 8:08:56 AM
I have learned the hard way, that 9/10 times a profile without a full body shot is bound to disappoint in person. My first POF date had what appeared to be blurry pictures. It turned out that he was 20 older than he stated on his profile and his pictures were blurred on purpose... Most 45 year olds don't have puffy ankles and liver spots:( Monday I went on a meet date with a guy who only had seated pictures, but a seemingly normal sized torso. We spoke and he inquired about my weight and current pictures then mentioned that he could stand to loose 25 lbs... When I a thrived at the bar I walked passed him twice because the guy from the pictures wasn't there. I got a text that he was at the bar, but there was only a guy with a super sized rump seated there... It was him! I was shocked that a man could have such generous curves below and such poor mathematical skills... When he turned around, he also had a rotund belly in front and giant thighs as well. I am sure that someone will be attracted to him, but I was completely turned off, mostly about being lied to. I felt tricked by his failure to mention that his 25 pounds were actually times 3... He stated that I was rude for mentioning his excess poundage and I told him he was a liar because he wasn't just Reubinesque; he was short too! From now on current full body shots are a must. 1-2 shots with face in and in profile should do the trick:) Happy fishing

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 79 (view)

How to ask about debt......?? Posted: 7/31/2012 7:46:48 PM
If you are considering a long-term relationship, finances do play an important role, just as life styles and interests do. In your case, after only 4 dates you may be jumping the gun, but all the same, pay attention to how she spends, if she appears to be stable and is fiscally responsible in her every day life. Some of the most intriguing people may have financial issues (none of which should EVER become you issue), while other, more stable people are just BORING! If her debt is associated with education, medical bills or home loans, then I would cautiously continue to date... and keep finances separate; if it's consumer debt, with creditors calling... I'd address it and ask her how/if she plans to repair it. It sounds like this issue is super important to you and asking an uninvolved audience about her finances will never give you the answer you seek... just ask her, but approach it with an attitude of concern about your future and not an credit review. If it's a deal breaker, ask... otherwise, relax & enjoy... these things have a way of working themselves out in the end- so long as finances do not become enmeshed with infatuation. Take care of your business and watch how she takes care of her own & good luck!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 4 (view)

To the women who go to night clubs Posted: 5/2/2012 7:27:19 PM
I go to a local bar with my girls to dance... we love the music, have lots of friends there & it's comfortable. I never dated anyone I met there and most likely never will. Nice guys but to close for comfort. It kind of pollutes the atmosphere if things don't work out and since it's a place I enjoy, I keep it simple enough to go back.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 12 (view)

Perhaps its time Posted: 5/2/2012 6:54:35 PM
Do you have references?

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 27 (view)

Is he worth waiting for? Posted: 4/27/2012 11:29:57 PM
OP- its nice to feel wanted, but you need to decide what YOU want... Lots of people are simply fishing for attention and nothing more. IF you want a significant relationship AND are pulled toward this man, then wait... Cautiously... I'd still date around. You never know what can happen. It sounds like this guy has a full plate. Ask yourself if you want to sign up for his issues. This may be a blessing in disguise- he's showing you what his life is about and he's not bound to make you a priority over his troubled child. I wish you the best!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 42 (view)

how long is long enough to wait for intimacy??? Posted: 2/26/2012 8:26:58 AM
First things first; is this is how love is supposed to make you feel? Ask yourself why you'd settle for crumbs and call it love in the first place... I suspect you are getting something out of the situation as well. Might you be willing to play the long suffering sex martyr because the role suits your needs as well? Your words are at odds with your behavior. If you want intimacy, you'll find a partner who meets that need; you claim to want intimacy but remain involved with a man who likens intimacy with you to a room of snakes...that's horrible! If his behavior discomforts you, distresses you or causes you anguish can you really call it love? Or are you in love with the idea of being a long suffering martyr to a man who clearly is not able to meet your needs? Something to think about:)

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 75 (view)

i'm just not into you anymore! Posted: 2/21/2012 6:35:05 AM
Legally you should present him with an eviction notice- download the form for your state online for free. Once you have completed the form, following the directions it gives him 30 days. After that the police can & will assist you. Best of luck.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 25 (view)

favorite steak seasoning Posted: 1/18/2012 8:02:31 AM
Season with fresh ground black pepper & sea salt. Let come to room temp. Grill in just smoking browned butter on a hot surface (use vent-it smokes), Cook to desired done ness. Tent foil for 3-5 mins. Add garlic butter or crab butter... ENJOY! Garlic butter: 1/4 stick Irish butter-room temp 1-2 cloves fresh garlic Parsley 1/2 tsp Parmesan cheese Salt Pepper Crab butter: Same as above & add cooked crabmeat Put pats of yummy goodness on steak just after plating

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 36 (view)

does forgiveness work? Posted: 1/16/2012 6:42:33 AM
Very well said!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 9 (view)

Tarnished women Posted: 1/13/2012 8:56:55 AM
Most PEOPLE become somewhat tarnished by life's ups and downs, especially after marrying, divorcing, job changes, children, etc... It's a matter of experience. The optimism you had at 20 is significantly lower at 40 and beyond. If you are only attracting or attracted to women with insurmountable issues you may want to look at yourself. If on the other hand you are seeking a woman with few or little issues, you may do better with someone substantially younger. The Internet offers a wide range of options and with that come individuals who have had past experiences that shape them in ways we do not find attractive. Read some of the forums here to get a grasp on the origins of these tarnished souls and I think you'll find that too many people have valid reasons to be a bit closed off. The trick is remaining optimistic while keeping a level head... You may find value in learning how best to go about dating online by reading the forums. I wish you every success!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 3 (view)

Is he thanking bout me. Posted: 12/22/2011 10:58:05 AM
Darling girl, you posted the same message in another forum asking about why you are still thinking about this looser... It's time to let go. If he's thinking About you, I can verify that it's only in the context of using you again. You don't need our advice because what you are really after is a co-signer to endorse you continuing a really sad involvement with a man who does not treat you well. Seriously, stop obsessing and posting your desperation on the Internet & get busy in your own life. Fake it till you feel good is my advice. In the mean time, delete him from your contacts, throw away physical reminders (pictures, etc) and talk yourself out of impulses to contact him and do something for someone less fortunate... It gets better with practice! Best of luck

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 22 (view)

Weird kind of advice Posted: 12/20/2011 8:13:08 PM
I'd lovingly pack little sis's stuff and place a carefully crafted and finely detailed bill for the 3/4 years worth of rent and leave them next to the front door; If she's old enough to own property she's certainly old enough to pay for the roof over her head. Leave the bf drama to the couple involved. Loving your sister doesn't mean you take on her stuff; sometimes it means dumping it back in her life to sort through. Then I'd question my own boundaries, introspect a bit on my ability to participate in a LTR (what with kids and financial doo-doo) and take a few months to gain/regain equilibrium. It seems that your sister & her situation may have just been a huge messy prolonged distraction from you taking care of your own situation. Get rid of external stuff and then your path/mind should be clear enough to save your self... Just my opinion.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 33 (view)

Married Man....now i have a wife harassing me Posted: 12/18/2011 9:43:05 AM
Copy his profile & email it to her. Write a short note, 'my sympathies but I am new in town & was unaware of his status. I wish you all the best,'then block them both. Live & learn.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 21 (view)

Dating a Social Worker with a Psychology background... OUCH Posted: 12/15/2011 7:43:40 AM
I dated a terribly insecure man and yes, I hold an MA in Clinical Psychology. My career has little to do with my dating life HOWEVER having this background makes me more aware of pertinent personality and or psycho-social issues. That being said, there are protocols, ethical standards and common sense in all things ... We are not constantly evaluating you and if we conclude that we don't want to date you, it isn't a symptom of depression; rather an exercise in choice. My guy was fearful of me diagnosing him, his friends & family... The reality was that I thought they were all lovely people and I enjoyed being in their company. What ultimately turned me off was his obsessing about his ex and criticizing her as well as his friends & family...I found that to be a huge indicator of his personality which was rather ****y. The funny thing was that he made triple my salary as a Gaffer with a high school diploma but was always on edge because of my degrees... If you are drawn to people who scare you you might want to look at that... If you can be involved with a woman and understand that her profession is what she "does to earn money" versus "who she is", you may find a really sensitive, mature & honorable woman to spend time with.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 20 (view)

Looking for some advice about a girl I've been dating. Posted: 12/15/2011 7:27:35 AM
Since she DIDN'T have sex with you it means that she's interested in developing something more substantial. Sex is easy; relationships take work...Reasonably attractive women can engage in a sexual romp almost at at time... Men give it away. To develop a relationship outside of sex is more challenging as sex often clouds one's perspective and all of those yummy chemicals are spinning out of control: taking the time to develop a relationship without sex indicates that she's interested in a long term relationship. Best of luck!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 163 (view)

worst date u went on Posted: 12/15/2011 7:16:44 AM
Two: the first was my first POF date. Local guy invites me to the beach for a walk... Sounded great... Until he showed up 7+ years older than his picture and with a disgusting cancerous looking growth peeking out of his mouth! I could not look away; it was like a huge boil that I was certain was gonna blow at any moment. What intrigued me most was that he seemed totally fine with it... I guess it takes all kinds. The second was with another gentleman who lied about his age: said he was 47, showed up looking 62. Again, I was mesmerized by his swollen puffy old man ankles and the pink, almost poodle like tears weaping from his eyes... I'm certain that there are some women who'd go for that, but I'm not one of them. I suppose that people figure they will charm you out if noticing that they are hideous or as old as dirt, but really... Be honest... Someone's gonna love you.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 93 (view)

Is there really UNCONDITIONAL love? Posted: 12/11/2011 7:08:00 AM
It seems to me that when individuals discuss " unconditional love" the term becomes synonymous with testing boundaries and putting up with disrespect & often abuse. Love is conditional, relationships are transactional and individuals who seek unconditional circumstances have unrealistic expectations that the person loving them should tolerate EVERYTHING the other does... That's not love; it's abusing a person with poor self esteem who doesn't have the tools to set limits or the strength to walk away.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 93 (view)

Forgotten wallet leads to disaster Posted: 10/15/2011 9:30:23 AM
I've had two experiences where guys had no cash (left wallet in other pants & didn't know parking was cash). The first guy (no wallet) I'd dated before & I suspected that he did this to other women, so I cheerfully paid then when we got to his house I asked for reimbursement. He became enraged and said, "if I'd have known you were going to charge me, I wouldn't have eaten". I politely told him to pay up or give the food back... Nothing is free & I'm no chump... He paid. Guy 2 claimed not to know that parking was cash pay on our first meet & greet. He paid for****ails and I extended him a $5.00 bill for parking... Then he said, (while looking in my wallet)... I think it may be more... I grabbed the $5.00 gave him a $20, which was all I had and told him to loose my number. In both instances I tried to give the benefit of doubt to each, but discovered they were both trying to get over. In your case, I'd suggest sending a check & a nice card expressing thanks for time enjoyed and let go. When a woman has decided she wants out, it's usually not spur of the moment... Seems she wanted an out and you gave her one.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 36 (view)

Modern work schedule Posted: 10/12/2011 10:32:18 PM
Are your experiences connected to your having to cancel or reschedule dates for work, or being inconsistent? In my experience many professional men & women use work conflicts to cancel dates. It's a viable excuse that leaves the cancelled upon feeling insecure/rejected if it happens too often...especially when you meet online. I think it's because we all have had experiences/have heard of being traded in for a bigger better deal...you feel foolish for investing time & energy in a person who clearly has no time for you. No sane woman would want a man who cannot sustain himself financially. Similarly, no sane man makes dates with dynamic, interesting women & has to cancel repeatedly, yet expects her to hang around because HE makes a decent salary... Unless of course he's contributing to her welfare...which is marriage & not dating. I guess the presumption is that if you can garner a 100k salary, you'd do well to master a calendar too & keep your commitments. Just one woman's reason for letting a few really good guys with enormous salaries go back to the pond. Some of us just want a consistent partner who has time & makes the effort to build a lasting relationship... not a paycheck.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 22 (view)

Educated? Posted: 10/8/2011 4:23:54 PM
Like most qualifiers, educated is vastly overstated & often over valued. I am happy to date self made men who are cultured, well read and those who can spell. I've encountered men who have technical training, high school diplomas and those like me who have Master's level education...it's a big pond. Today I was approached by a Ph.D. who insisted on identifying himself as 'Dr.' (dud) my pet name for him. He was an egomaniacal, bible thumping cave man... His education did nothing to enhance him as a prospective date in the least! His having a Ph.D. may make some women hot, but his non personality and list of demands were a major red flags... If the presumption is that education = common sense/intellect/compatibility consider that it may be quite the opposite. I know more than a few Ph.D's that don't have any social skills... they test well & publish research. I try to evaluate each man on the combination of his profile, compatible interests & experiences, how he expressesses himself in email & if he's physically appealing... I'm not looking for a mirror image of myself. I'm much more than my degrees & I would hope to see past any potential dates CV/resume. So, if a man has humor, wit, integrity & can converse on a wide variety of topics... I'll give it a try... Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Happy fishing!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 12 (view)

A piece of me died when you left.... Posted: 10/6/2011 8:45:29 PM
Your rant has nothing to do with me. Your assumptions illuminate the wearing of a very large ass hat. My degree and experience allow me to clearly see the underlying issues of what you posted and when I see a fool (tool), I call him on it. That’s not a Clinical category…just plain messiness. I know nothing of your personality aside from the self pitying intensely insecure young man you appear to be which is evident from your posts. All of my opinions are based on what you have written and I stand by my opinion based on the information you provided herein. Fortunately, I am neither suffering a broken heart nor do I choose to vent in a public forum over people who found me lacking 7 years ago....I have a life. As for looking for destructive and/or bad qualities in men...you are so off base: I am of the opinion that most men in general have many wonderful qualities and those who are working through difficulties need not use public forums to piss and moan...it's unmanly at best and hugely unattractive. Saying that you are not having a pity party belies the fact that this is all you have written about. You have shown yourself to be intensely dysfunctional and wallowing in self pity over a woman who has clearly moved on and made a life for herself...time to get a clue and stop projecting/vomiting on the general public. If you are having issues with closure- again, I suggest that you pursue counseling or get with some trusted and wise friends to vent to. Not getting the attention you sought and venting at responders to what you wrote speaks to your inability to handle criticism...What exactly are you looking for? If you were self aware enough and had a shred of pride, you'd follow wise suggestions and get a clue. Women don't want bad boys; just grown men who know how to learn from past experiences and use past mistakes for their own betterment to build solid mature relationships that can last. You will garner far more respect and understanding by putting your big boy pants on and accepting that sometimes, even with the very best intentions, relationships don't work out...they don't need to be dug up and published 7 years post mortem. Identifying me as your target does not change the fact that you started this thread because you can't handle your emotions or your alcohol.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 10 (view)

A piece of me died when you left.... Posted: 10/6/2011 6:18:25 PM
Ever consider just writing your feelings in a letter that you don't post online or ever mail? What about counseling or talking with a friend? It gets the angries out while protecting you from looking like a tool in a public forum. Maybe women aren't attracted to the angry, sullen, drunken, hostile, obsessive vibes you emit... Posting your inner most stuff online while drunk is not something healthy people with healthy egos do…Most have an ego defense that would not allow public humiliation...most would at least have the sense to remove the post when sober. The fact that you left it up and now defend it seems rather suspect and looks like a cry for attention to the one that got away. She may not be on the sight, but someone she knows might be. Passive aggressive men are best left alone…And you come off as exceedingly passive aggressive. Women will thank you for these posts because you are exactly the guy they should steer clear of…most don’t give a warning but bad news is written all over you. Grow up, take a break and give yourself more time to move past...If for no other reason than to protect yourself from becoming ostracized and a joke to women you have yet to meet...obviously you are not ready to date and any woman you encounter is sure to feel the wrath of what's left over from your past relationship...Wow

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 40 (view)

Self pity? Not here. Advice needed? Absolutely Posted: 10/6/2011 5:53:50 PM
Wanting is NEVER enough...it's the doing that counts.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 39 (view)

Self pity? Not here. Advice needed? Absolutely Posted: 10/6/2011 5:51:46 PM
Your story reminds me of the Asperger kids and young adults I work with who are impaired with autism spectrum related disorders and comorbid diagnoses. Most of them, once they reach the age of majority or leave school struggle with self care, advocacy, depression, anxiety and connecting to a world in which they feel somewhat invisable. Self care issues can be addressed by requesting your home care agency/worker to assign you a personal attendant or Adaptive Skills Training. In the US these services fall under a category for persons with diabling conditions as needing supervision and/or intervention services and are included in most State or Federal Insurance programs or are run by indpendent State Agencies. If you found your way onto POF you can certainly find your local Province website and reserach the services offered in your community. Every is deserving of love and it is important that you try to live a full & happy life... While doing so, it is important to be mindful of what you have to "OFFER" as opposed to what it is that you are seeking...Most people struggle with this...even those of us who have little or no impairment. At the moment I don't think that you are at all prepared to date, but are on the raod to preparing for it in the future. I wish you every success!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 51 (view)

Refusal to have unprotected sex. Posted: 9/25/2011 9:09:57 AM
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing... Remember that your sexual relationship, complete with all of the pleasures & responsibilities is YOURS. She isn't loving you by insisting that you do things that push your comfort & safety buttons. This is a good time to really evaluate the relationship; not to prove your worth by succumbing to her demands. Boundaries, communication & respect are the healthy foundation of all successful lasting relationships. Talk with her but in the end...Go with your gut.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 20 (view)

read for help :) Posted: 9/20/2011 9:14:49 PM
There's a great thread in the Broken Hearts forum titled, "so you want a second chance" by jabarian here...some good info on how to heal...check it out.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 24 (view)

Always the dumper or always the dumpee? Posted: 9/20/2011 8:30:11 PM
I used to think that I was the dumpee in most relationships ( teens to mid 20's), until a good friend reminded me that I have ended a lot of my most recent relationships (superficial dating of months or less)... of the past 4, I have been the dumper, but often had regrets...there are always regrets. I agree with the opinion that some too bail quickly but I think that with experience and knowledge of what works for you, there is a sense in not prolonging the inevitable....if it ain't good, right or fixable, cut bait. I have no delusions of Knights in shining armor, or having unrealistic expectations...just an understanding that everyone is not my special someone and that finding a suitable mate takes lots of humor, a generous amount of bravery and the ability to move along with grace. You have to wonder when people can't keep relationships together if it's a matter of them or their picker...Hmmm...Either calls for introspection...Nice thread!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 41 (view)

RE: Random's post Posted: 9/18/2011 7:05:31 PM
[One big indicator that speaks volumes against mental illness in the case of your friend is the fact she knew the people were hallucinations. Most schizo-whatever people can't distinguish hallucinations from reality.] RE: The above...Contrary to your belief, it is widely known by medical professionals, individuals with disorders and clinicians that Schzioaffected individuals and those who suffer from Bipolar DO know that they are hallucinating, especially as symptoms wax and wane (intensify and calm). This is the most painful part of their experience because it is frustrating to explain unless you have studied it, worked with clients or experienced it first hand. The obvious question is, if they know better why don't they stop? Short & simple: they Do know better...and they can't...it's biological, not a matter of will. OP, your friend is showing signs that she is aware of her issues and understands that what she is experiencing is unreal...this does not remove the diagnosis; it reinforces the fact that she is aware of her symptoms. I'd advise you to encourage her to follow up with her care team because this is an indication that she is cycling. As with Schizoaffected individuals, Bipolar has subtypes as well: BP I- At least 1 episode of both manic episodes and major depression; BPII-has hypo manic features (energetic episodes) & depression and; Cyclothymia where the individual cycles between cyclothymic episodes and mild depression. Unfortunately the medications prescribed often have detrimental side effects (the remedy is worse than the illness), so they stop treatment and symptoms increase, just like any other disease. Most people associate typical homeless or delusional individuals observed on street corners or portrayed in the media as impacted by hallucinations. The fact is that many people suffer these disorders in silence due to the public's impression that you are either crazy or sane...the reality is that sometimes people are just ill, but no less deserving our love, respect & understanding.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 30 (view)

Hallucinations.... Posted: 9/18/2011 5:06:50 PM
Sorry- I just read the other part of your post...so she’s Bipolar? That's not far from Schizoaffective. Bipolar should not be confused with Borderline (Single white Female, Girl Interrupted - Angelina Jole, or Fatal Attraction), that's a whole other category of illness. Although individuals with this disorder do have families, relationships, jobs & dreams, their inability to self regulate causes extreme problems in their social interactions. As her friend, I would suggest: 1. DO NOT ENCOURAGE HER TO CONSUME ALCOHOL - Alcohol is a neurotoxin (kills brain cells) and a depressant. If she couples it with meds it's not good. Some effects of medications will be potentiated (increased exponentially) while others will change will alter other neurotransmitter systems in the brain. 2. ENCOURAGE HER TO STICK TO MEDS- she will want to stop because of the restraint feeling & that's BIG TROUBLE. If she tells you she is feeling better or you notice a change in her appearance (wearing clothes that aren't for the weather or situation, hygiene, sleep patterns, thought becomes non linear, etc) get her help. 3. Get a list of her contacts & Doctors and discuss with them what works for her- a team approach. I applaud you for standing by your friend. Having mental illness is really no different from having physical illness and trying to educate your self is much better than abandoning her. There are a number of mental health sites that you can access that have forums like this one. I have attached two for your reference Bipolar Forums www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-support-forums Bipolar Disorder Forum www.psychforums.com/bipolar/ Best of luck!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 28 (view)

Hallucinations.... Posted: 9/18/2011 4:45:13 PM
Schizoaffective disordered individuals lead typical lives but often suffer from hallucinations, usually when they stop taking medication. These individuals are also typed into two subtypes: bipolar (mood swings between severe highs -mania and extreme lows-depression), and depressive (severe depressive) type. They experience recurring cycles depending on adhering to medication schedules and stressors. Unfortunately these individuals often feel "cured" when they are medicated (stabilized) and will stop taking meds because they cause the individual to feel "restrained" or subdued (if fact there is a term in psychiatric medicine that deals with neuroleptic drugs - those used to treat disordered thinking, as chemical restraints). Interestingly, they are often the "life of the party" and can become hyper sexual, expansive in thoughts and expression and fearless...not the fun girl type, the I need to put you on a 3-day psychiatric hold type...this is serious. These individuals do not differ much from typical populations until symptoms begin to express, usually when they are headed for a manic swing or toward a depressive down spiral, or experience stress (remember that stress is not always negative- meeting new people- even hunky new guys online or looking forward to a trip can be stressful too)...Or...she could see dead people??? But I'd wager that if you asked about her relationship history (many broken relationships with EXTREME opinions of her partners, e.g., idealized "he could do no wrong- I will always love him" obsessive type or "he was Satan himself-that guys destroyed me hateful types), family history (typically there is a close family member parent/grand parent aunt or uncle) that may be bipolar or schizophrenic or she may have a history of instability (living, work or a history of incarceration), would suggestthat your new girl isn't psychic, but mentally ill. Relationships can help them a great deal to be stable but can often cause the partner to flee because thinking s seriously disorganized, but not the same as with Schizophrenia. You can access more information by looking the DSM-IV-TR which is the diagnostic service manuel for Psychiatric illness or general information on mental/emotional disorders- Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_disorder. I hold an MA in Clinical Psychology and have worked with this and other affected populations for over 10 years. Either way…fun times!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 37 (view)

How long would you date someone before you would expect to be exclusive? Posted: 9/18/2011 7:34:17 AM
You have only been on the site for 3 weeks... 3 weeks and you are sexually involved with a man who tells you are special while he samples mediocrity on a regular basis...he's playing you... Geeze...3 weeks!!!!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 69 (view)

How do I delete all my fiance’s accounts and posts? Posted: 9/18/2011 7:12:06 AM
He's not your project. Even if he has psycho-emotional issues, he has freedom of choice. You need to stop and get help for yourself... You are not well & God help that baby.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 20 (view)

Do women test kiss? Posted: 9/15/2011 9:20:33 PM
I am not an advocate of the "test kiss" but I have been known to fall out of like with men who just don't excite me physically following a series of poor kisses...if the chemicals ain't right...it's just wrong. I have had LTR with men who I didn't enjoy kissing but they had other aspects that drew me in and made it feasible. That being said, I had an experience very similar to yours (chemistry, compatibility, humor, life goals, interests, etc. over a few weeks' time), where our third date ended in a kiss that can only be described as body melting...yup...it hit EVERY note and I am certain that he felt the same. The chemistry was so incredible that we made out like horny teenagers; sweating up the car windows for hours...it was the best EVER…I’d never heard a man moan from kissing, (no below the neck action)! I know that he felt the same because he couldn't stop texting and commenting on it for days to follow. Kisses of this sort are rare and it's a wonderful feeling...but it's all chemicals and does not portend a future. Unfortunately, he had outside pressures and responsibilities that made me a very low priority and there was no end date in sight so I ended things. I regret this but I am a one man at a time woman seriously seeking a relationship (with lots more yummy kisses & stuff). It seems that what you felt was very real and that she may have felt all of those sparks too, but her considerable obligations and issues are at the fore front of her mind as they should be...Divorce, loss of family home, bankruptcy…that’s a lot. Rather than keep you dangling, she cut you loose. It happens to the best of us.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 36 (view)

What is going on here? Ex issues... Posted: 9/15/2011 5:44:09 PM
Darling girl... Breaking up is excruciating...even for D-bag ex boyfriends who commit crimes against humanity and pretty girls. He is doing what we all do to some extent (although he externalizes to the extreme)...he is venting and processing his pain, frustration, anger, helplessness, desire and general ****e'd-up-ed-ness that occurs with beach break, fracture and crack of the heart. Boys hurt too. Since you appear to be somewhat detached from the emotional turmoil…take this moment to be strong, push on and create distance. This means NO CONTACT...NOT THROUGH FRIENDS, TWITTER, FB, SNAIL MAIL, EMAIL, JUNGLE DRUMS or PIGEONS. You don't need to concern yourself about ANYTHING connected to him....EVER. As for your stuff...9 times out of 10 when people break up "STUFF" is the top shelf excuse for continued contact/stalking/harassment/future bad break ups/etc. Let the stuff go and move on...or make it ALL ABOUT the STUFF and keep the drama alive. Happiness is a choice!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 18 (view)

Self esteem issues Posted: 9/15/2011 5:25:33 PM
Tread lightly...often we have rescue in mind and confuse it with romance. As his friend, be an encouragement and support to help him find ways to build his own esteem. Otherwise he will never be man enough to pursue you or to hold on to a relationship if you are doing all of the work. As well, it may become burdensome to you after the sheen of newness wears off and then when you have to move along he will be devastated. Seek healthy relationships with men who are ready & able to participate fully and keep your friend as a friend for now...IMHO

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 62 (view)

Definition of Spark Posted: 9/10/2011 5:08:14 PM
I think a lot of men define it as that very special feeling they get...in their pants.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 30 (view)

Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic? Posted: 9/10/2011 5:03:35 PM
I had a brief experience with a workaholic...he made dates & cancelled them, texted when I asked him to call and scheduled activities involving his friends & family for all of his free time leaving none for me...all the while professing his affection & interest in me. In 6 weeks time we had 7 dates scheduled but he only showed up for 3...work was always the issue. My conclusion was that he: A) liked the IDEA of dating but had emotional issues & tried to maintain semi-relationship status by keeping me involved while all the time canceling. (This is typical of people who have fear of rejection issues...I'd have to be a real jerk to make demands of a man who is only trying to work in this economy...it's a no win scenario because to make a break would make me demanding, but to stay kinda makes me a punk). B) He thought that it was REASONABLE to seek out dates, string them along and cancel because he thought he DESERVED to have their interest while he made his money (he told me he had done this before with other women & couldn't figure out why he wasn't a keeper). The really crazy thing is that when we were together it was a dynamic experience and there were some very wonderful chemicals involved...he was great on paper but couldn't make the leap in person...bummer! C) He simply wasn't that in to me....When men like-like you, they will move heaven & earth (which includes) work to see you... In the end I decided it wasn’t really important that I understand his reasons, but that I make a decision for me…I shook him loose. Unless you are in a committed defined relationship, I'd let him know that this situation discomforts you and if changes weren't on the horizon, I'd cut & run. Feeling like you can’t communicate with the man you are involved with (and I presume will be/have been intimate with) is just not Ok. Presidents, Pilots and Surgeons make time…why can’t he? And to those who say that the only alternative is to date an unemployed looser...that's not it. Have a job & date, or have 3 jobs and don't but don't waste other people's time while you make your bread. In my experience workaholism without an end date is not really dating...it's him having you as an audience to his oh-so busy life ...the question is do you want to be a partner or a bystander?

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 22 (view)

lack of desire for a relationship Posted: 9/10/2011 4:29:36 PM
I had an almost 8 year period when I just didn't have the Ump to pursue or maintain a relationship (deep apathy). I was under a great deal of stress and concluded that it would not be a good move to include a significant other in my situation at the time. I worked hard to resolve what needed to be resolved and removed those things I found unnecessary. I think it's normal to take a moment (a day to a matter of years), to yourself. Too many seek fulfillment in relationships and engage others' at the worst possible time...I didn't want someone to save me from myself, instead I developed the skills to work through what I needed to. Now I have a good skill set that allows me to be mature, open & ready for a partner, versus needy and dependent. I learned that I was completely rational, my lustful urges came back (with a vengeance -lol), and now I am better equipped to engage in a relationship without all of the distractions....I enjoy my own company and have a really decent life that I now feel is something I can share with a partner...and Yeah...few profiles appeal to me but I think it's just a matter of finding the right fish to hook.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 12 (view)

To have never had a chance at love. Advice on coping with it? Posted: 9/8/2011 9:11:44 PM
I would encourage you to investigate/access community mental health agencies...NOT because there is something wrong with you, but because you were raised in a way that causes you distress and anxiety in social settings involving women. There is nothing wrong with accessing help...if you had a broken limb or a rotten tooth, you'd go to qualified professionals...feeling broken inside (or feeling the need to create distance when intimate relationships develop), has it's remedy. I get the sense that you are honestly trying to forge a normal, healthy and enjoyable life and making strides toward wholeness is commendable! If you are not ready or able to get professional help, you can always align yourself with adults in your community who are living the life and have the kinds of relationships you desire ...most would be willing to give support & guidance to help you along the way.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 115 (view)

Should i be insulted? Would you be? Posted: 9/7/2011 2:45:47 PM
I think the standard should be the same for both sexes...especially in a dating relationship. Why should a man be expected to pay his dates rent and childcare costs and what does that say about a woman who'd expect it, even an 8 day loan? Maybe taking on a part time job won't leave a lot of time for dates, but it will do wonders for your dignity...employment and financial responsibility go a long way when trying to establish a LTR... when you are in a place to pursue one.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 112 (view)

Should i be insulted? Would you be? Posted: 9/7/2011 1:41:40 PM
No...you shouldn't be insulted...you should put in overtime, go to a pawn shop or have a yard sale... NEVER ASK A WOMAN YOU ARE DATING FOR $$$ unless you want to end the relationship. Dating is when you show you BEST attributes & abilities,, not the best time to expose financial distress. As we get a bit older and wiser, women come to realise that, while a man may not be expected to pay 100% for dates, that we measure his ability to become a life partner by how he handles his finances. Not being in a position to pay your rent is a HUGE RED FLAG. This signals that this particular man may not manage his recurring responsibilities (rent is due every 30 days), may be living beyond his means or YIKES...may need for her to reach into her pocketbook to help support HIS lifestyle, which includes supporting children that AREN'T HERS. You would be well warned to NEVER let a woman know that you have fallen short, until such time as you are in a true partnership (marriage)...then I am sure she would feel more at ease contributing.

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 2 (view)

Profile review from females please Posted: 8/31/2011 4:28:43 PM
Your profile looks great. You mention a career that is uncommon...women like unusual or exotic things...maybe discuss your profession & copy into word & spell check...found a few minor errors. Best of luck!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 8 (view)

does my profile come across as sincere? Posted: 8/31/2011 4:24:43 PM
I like the profile, but would consider putting the request for a French Speaker soemwhere at the beginning (girls love a man who speaks multiple languages), even if they don't. I noticed that the majority for your photos show you and other people...try to get a few with just you and scale back on the family, pets and dirt bike. They clash with your being educated, professionally driven & independent...or change your profile to reflect fun & family values. Also-It may just be me, but when I see a guy in a picture with an attractive female, I move on figuring he's just out of a relationship or a game player (we only know it's your sister if we click on the image). Best of luck!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 3 (view)

re wrote my rpofile tell me what u think Posted: 8/31/2011 4:15:28 PM
I do think a better picture would be good to have. Maybe you have a friend with a camera & can get some pictures of you doing fun things that a lady would like. I like to see a man being active or smiling. Have fun!

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 2 (view)

re wrote my rpofile tell me what u think Posted: 8/31/2011 4:14:04 PM
Dear Charles, I work with LD adults and thought I would help you out a bit. I read your profile and wrote it over to say the things I think you meant, in a clear way. Please do not think that I mean any harm because I just want to help. I wish you all luck & happiness! Rona Hello Ladies…My Name is Charles. I’m a little shy but a really nice guy once you get to know me. I don’t talk a lot because I am busy listening to what you have to say. I think that’s important. I am a true Southern Gentleman and try to be thoughtful and gentle with other people. I enjoy most foods and being a true Southerner I love football…The Dallas Cowboys and Texas Longhorns are my two favorite teams. I wonder what you like? I am mildly learning disabled, but like Forrest Gump, “I know what Love is”... In my opinion, that was one of the best love stories of all times and really showed the deep feeling that people with disabilities have and all that we have to give. I am smart in many ways, but I don’t write well, so talking on the phone would be best for me. I would like to find a gentle woman who is kind and gracious. I am not a drinker but don’t mind if you do, just not too much. I don’t smoke and prefer that you don’t either. I am a friendly person and get on well with kids. I don’t want anyone who doesn’t treat others well and is playing games. I am sincerely seeking a relationship and hope that you will find me to be someone you’d like to know. I had some help writing this, but we all need a little help from time to time, don't we?

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 1 (view)

New & Imrpoved? Posted: 8/31/2011 3:56:51 PM
Hey Guys...it's been about a month & I keep getting the same feed back...Wow...great profile but really detailed, comprehensive, exhaustive, wordy etc. I like that the men who actually read it are intelligent, but it's not getting me many dates (or at least the kinds I would enjoy). I've changed up the style and tried to edit it down & would love getting any feedback. Specific edits would be helpful...I just don't have a knack for saying what I want in a sentence!....HELP

Phenomenally42

Joined: 7/16/2011

Msg: 43 (view)

Relationships & Texting Posted: 8/31/2011 8:49:24 AM
Texting has lead to the demise of two (seemingly) promising relationships. I seem to attract/ be attracted to men whose jobs don't allow for much face:face or telephonic conversation (Gaffer on film sets & IT guy working Server support). In the first case (Gaffer), he'd insist on texting all day even though I had a full time job teaching. He'd get angry that I didn't respond (I couldn't), then pick fights with me... After 2.5 mos I shook him loose... With a text. The IT guy was recent & began by calling, but would only text after the 2nd date. Then he began with too much sexual chatter and when I asked him to call me (usually during this type of banter), he'd continue to text. My mistake was in continuing with him. Funny though, I broke off with him... Via text as I felt it was the medium he was most comfortable with! In my experience, people who resort to text and even email to some extent have difficulty with interpersonal relationships, vulnerability & intimacy. Both these men were terribly immature and unfortunately I sunk to their level by trying to keep up with a form of communication that displeases me... Show up or call:)

Show ALL Forums