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Thread: based on my profile, what kind of woman for me?

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

based on my profile, what kind of woman for me? Posted: 10/31/2009 10:49:46 AM
thank you for the post, it gave me some new insights. so um activism and vegetarianism etc to find people in the same community of people interested in helping others/ with similar values, um deep thinker? maybe search for profiles with a minimum amount of text in their profiles? pick a few interests that might suggest someone has an inquiring mind or a broad range of interests? I'm getting a feeling people with serious career minded-ness, if it is not specifically in a field which supports these interests/ traits, probably might not have the time or inclination to spend time on this sort of thing. hmmm. so like if i searched for someone interested in quantum physics or a nerdy topic, and some spirituality issue, for the kind of open-mindedness and capacity for non-linear, non-rational coherent thought, and maybe someone interested in like, say, activism or some particular cause that connects with my own values, in terms of like... finding someone who cares about the world, people etc. I guess if i can find a range of these sorts of things to search, and then use partial subsets, ie so that not everything has to be included (is the interest search an "or" inclusive search, that will find any of the terms, and bring back the ones with the most hits as 'better' results?) so that i can find people with some similarities, but perhaps who are different enough that they will challenge me and help me to grow by seeing things in a different way...

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

based on my profile, what kind of woman for me? Posted: 10/31/2009 10:34:28 AM
I find many, very different, people, write very similar profiles, which do not do much to tell me who they really are. It takes a lot of time to go through a lot of profiles, ie reading them if there is a fair bit of content, but I feel like I end up going on pictures, in a sort of almost random, gut reaction way. I have no way in general to test if this method is very effective or not. The database format is useful and organized, but it seems that when I do a search for 'interests', it is not searching their profiles, just the field called interests. This means 1 - if I do not match search terminology precisely, regardless of similar interests, because i used a similar meaning word that is different, I will not find this person in a search unless I do multiple searches going through the thesaurus or whatever. I'm not sure if this is an "and' search, meaning every search term i put it must be there, or an "or " search, where it will pick up any terms if present and not exclude and hits that don't have all the search terms. Both of these kinds of searches can be useful once you are aware of terminology conventions (which the hyperlinking of popular interest terms one includes on their profile might inform one of) but 2 - if people describe themselves, and their interests, and don't something in the interest field, since the advanced search seems to only allow to search the interests field nothing in the profile or dating sections will be found. this frustrates me when i try to do a targetted search, ie instead of just looking for the cutest, 'easiest' girl in close proximity, because I've read profiles of people in whom I'm interested or share interests, etc, and they don't show up in searches for similar people etc, so in effect I feel like putting serious effort into targetting my search through the search engines on here feels sometimes like a waste of time. Perhaps I could look in the forums for how the search function works on this site and improve my use of it with some knowledge. Similarly, I find it frustrating that I get some people ranked as "good matches" for me, when I search my matches, with percentages or some such sometimes, but it doesn't tell me WHY they are coming up as good matches, ie what feature/ term or whatever it hit, so if I find the priorities as expressed by the search algorithms or my own profile in whatever way it is used to generate matches is not gelling with what suits me, I cannot reflect on what modifications to make to refine its match generative capacity to become more refined to my needs. So it becomes more of like, becoming passive, working on my profile or some such, and hoping someone will stumble on it and take interest. If I find a way to make an awesome profile, that lots and lots of people like, I will get a huge number of hits, potentially like women out there with really nice pictures on their profiles, and it may not be that any of these people are suitable for me, its just that I wrote a profile to get the maximum number of people to respond, instead of the people who would mesh with me best, etc, and i waste time vetting all this traffic, disappointing others and myself and finding i use pof less and less... So, just to shorten things up, I expect to meet random people that I may or may not find as romantic possibilities in my everyday life, in person, but if I'm searching for that one-in-a-million person not directly connected to me through time or space in my everyday life... I need to understand how people can find things, how the search works, how to make sure the things I think are most important can be found, and that the relative importance of these things can be communicated such that it helps target the search. Because some people don't spend a huge amount of time on the internet, or are less internet literate, making this inherent in the tools and procedures and methodology so that someone can click a few links or type a few words, with, if they do not know specifically how to frame the right question to get the results they want, a question framed such that the few words they type when they answer the question given will help get to the place they want to be, which is kind of the virtual domain/ set of those whose needs and gifts match their own needs and gifts. wow long post. :/

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

based on my profile, what kind of woman for me? Posted: 10/29/2009 3:32:18 PM
It seems it was suggested that the 'ask a girl' thread was not appropriate for this particular request, because of reviewing the profile, so I've decided to re-ask the question here, although I'm more interested in hearing what women have to say in general on this topic, and the question isn't specifically how to fix my profile, but how to... figure out what kind of woman i would be looking for... if someone is aware of other threads where this has been discussed i would certainly be interested in having a peek there... not so much interested in getting lots of hits, as finding more people with whom the both of us can relate and connect well on a number of levels, whether romantically or not. (original (closed) thread) http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts13332642.aspx "Yeah, basically... I guess I try and be really flexible in terms of what and who I might like... intellectually that is my stance anyways... but I think I might be setting myself and others up for relationships/ dates that will be unsatisfying t each other. I guess I'm having a hard time knowing what I want/ who I would like,, in some ways... I can do brainstorming, or like try to make lists of women i've known, admired, got along with, etc and why, but I thought I would ask on here. I suppose I could refine my search criteria or focus my profile more to suit the kind of woman who would fulfil me, or feel I have something worthwhile to offer them and fulfill them also. I'm a little loathe to use the communication filters to block certain people; I'm not getting so many communications that it's been a problem, but more than that, I understand that what I think I want may be different than what I need; that my expectations may be misleading, and I may find people I don't expect to be very rewarding to share time etc with. Are there any suggestions on how I can test my expectations vs reality, ie see what I really like and how I feel about certain traits, etc? I know lots of people seem to like to use zodiac signs or like these quizzes from magazines... I donno... I just have a feeling i won't find the girl of my dreams if I wouldn' t recognize her if I saw her, know what I really want and need, what I have to offer to someone else, and how to recognize that need i can fulfill in another. Wow. You could probably have just read the subject line and not have read all this rambling. :/ anyways, thanks in advance for the help." also, i've used the personality quizzes and chemistry stuff... read through what was in the related links... still not really sure how the site uses this information to suggest people... for instance, sometimes people who seem to have been on the site only briefly, with almost filler text or minimal details, and potentially know chemistry etc tests on their profile, have come up as recommended. Maybe I'm just odder than I thought, and pof can't find any matches O_O; anyways, plenty of fish is a good experiment for me, to explore myself and how to relate to others, share who i am, and explore what i'm looking for in a mate... so regardless of solving my 'problem', i still find the insight provide by inquiring useful, so comments of that nature are welcome also. It's possible me hermitic nature and minimal experience with dating and romantic relationships is a factor in not having a sense of myself or others in this regard; short of suddenly bucking this trend, any other ways to educate, or reeducate myself, in this? Deangelo and double your dating is interesting enough, and my 'art' or inter-relating romantically could certainly use work; however I would like my relationships to have meaningful content, as well, and the seeming implicit idea of not being attached to the woman (at least in that 'she's not that special, you can replace her, etc) doesn't really appeal to me that much, even if some of his psychology regarding people's fears and compensating mechanisms seem to be of merit. Sorry i'm trying to write clearly and instead i'm probably coming off as pretentious and using big words, etc. I'll rewrite this if my meaning is not clear once i reread it people's comments and have a clearer idea of what I want to say and how to express it. maikeru333

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

based on my profile, what kind of woman for me? [ NO PROFILE REVIEWS] Posted: 10/27/2009 11:15:12 AM
Yeah, basically... I guess I try and be really flexible in terms of what and who I might like... intellectually that is my stance anyways... but I think I might be setting myself and others up for relationships/ dates that will be unsatisfying t each other. I guess I'm having a hard time knowing what I want/ who I would like,, in some ways... I can do brainstorming, or like try to make lists of women i've known, admired, got along with, etc and why, but I thought I would ask on here. I suppose I could refine my search criteria or focus my profile more to suit the kind of woman who would fulfil me, or feel I have something worthwhile to offer them and fulfill them also. I'm a little loathe to use the communication filters to block certain people; I'm not getting so many communications that it's been a problem, but more than that, I understand that what I think I want may be different than what I need; that my expectations may be misleading, and I may find people I don't expect to be very rewarding to share time etc with. Are there any suggestions on how I can test my expectations vs reality, ie see what I really like and how I feel about certain traits, etc? I know lots of people seem to like to use zodiac signs or like these quizzes from magazines... I donno... I just have a feeling i won't find the girl of my dreams if I wouldn' t recognize her if I saw her, know what I really want and need, what I have to offer to someone else, and how to recognize that need i can fulfill in another. Wow. You could probably have just read the subject line and not have read all this rambling. :/ anyways, thanks in advance for the help.

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

need some feedback Posted: 6/25/2009 12:04:44 AM
thx for the advice: i've made some changes. I can't select multiple options, like dating, long term, hang out, activity partner, dating, intimiate encounter, etc... so um... friends just seems to be the one which is most sincere, doesn't preclude the others, but is the essence of what i seek. i can do things with people who aren't friends, but it is the friendship part that makes the doing sweeter. i think for specific things i could find other ways to meet people who i don't connect with on a higher/deeper level as much. but i'm guessing what i select will affect searches a fair bit, so... maybe i will switch it to dating, later... Michael

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

So far this thing hasnt really played out so well... Posted: 6/23/2009 11:53:51 PM
hey i think everytime you send a message to someone, there's like this add just above send... it's like top 10 things women want to talk about, top 10 they don't... so aspirations and dreams was like one of the top ones i think, politics was one of the low ones... try copy and paste the list somewhere, see if anything comes up that fits those things about yourself to share? there will probably be time to get into the other stuff later, but like find what they are tuned into first i think... Also, i think asking questions sometimes might help... learn to listen, then when you find in conversation you tap on something you are both into and energetic about, you can jump in a bit, and the conversation hopefully will take a -good- life of its own... as long as you know how to disagree without insulting someone anyways i think... or feeling insulted. Good fishing to you.

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

need some feedback Posted: 6/23/2009 11:43:54 PM
So, what's good, what's bad; how is it functionally as it stands? Could someone share some favourite girls profiles, and favourite men's profiles, based on them being written well/functionally, etc maybe different types to exemplify different approaches? I'm not sure if my old profile is on here still, or if i posted it in the forums... so comparing the old profile to new would be cool also, if that were possible.... Does anyone know how much space each block of text takes, so I could potentially write it elsewhere and paste it in, knowing it will not be truncated? What do most people talk about in first messages; ie what things, that you don't include in your profile, do you talk about second and third, etc, to see how well you match with another person's needs, etc? Thanks :)

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Exclusionary Tactics Posted: 5/14/2009 1:56:58 PM
how do i remove individual profiles from showing up? do i have to block them or something?

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 249 (view)

on the nice guy issue Posted: 5/14/2009 12:21:37 PM
I think if someone is such a 'nice guy' that they avoid all confrontation, ie the doormat, the girl may feel like 'you're not being yourself', don't know who you are or what you want, are trying to be manipulative in the sense of behaving 'how you think people want you to' instead of in a sincere fashion... some girls do the barbie doll thing, with guys sometimes its the 'nice guy' syndrome. Sometimes, conflict is good. You need to communicate. You won't always agree. One can be respectful and compassionate, yet also honest and direct (or you can at least try). If you are 'blaming girls for never liking the nice guys', it is possible you are doing some transference, and behaving in a passive aggressive manner. Choosing not to be aggressive, in reaction to how we 'nice guys' sometimes perceive males to be, as a$$holes, doesn't mean the opposite, of avoiding all confrontation, is better. If its hard at first, or you are not confident, try to let the other person do more of the talking, and try to listen, and understand first (probably good advice anyways). It may also give you time to think of how to broach a subject which might be sensitive gracefully (guys tend to be less skilled at this, I think, but it is worth practice if you want someone you love to open up, especially if you like people who are very sensitive and have been wounded a lot...) rather than letting it fester or fade. You don't have to give advice, but a well-thought out opinion, even if ignored, may let her know you care about her problems, if you can find the courage to share them, when you should (and hold your tongue sometimes, when you shouldn't... no, I don't know, I'm still learning the difference, it depends on the person... but timing is everything; if you remember what was said, rather than sharing when someone is still sensitive and raw, if you wait a day or so, and mention something when they feel stronger, safer, more confident, it may be more useful to them, anyways. Michael

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

profile review #2 Posted: 5/14/2009 10:02:01 AM
I want to give rewriting my profile another shot. I'm going to review the writing tips, and hopefully be able to get some feedback from people as I make changes. I may change some of the pictures. Michael

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

feature request - exclude from search list Posted: 5/14/2009 8:21:32 AM
Hi. Just noticing my memory isn't great, and sometimes I end up contacting the same person, who expressed they were not interested, more than once (emails expire, etc, so I can't track that way). Would it be possible, reasonable to implement and exclude list, ie once you've contacted someone, you can check 'exclude' if they were not interested, and then they no longer show up in searches or the random display (optionally). It would feel nice to get the feeling that over time one could narrow the field down and, of the kinds of people in which one is interested, perhaps focus on one with mutual interest, rather than say someone who is online on pof a lot or just has a lot of the same criteria one is looking for in searches. If one can clear the list, or remove some entries, ie it is editable, than people could still change their minds, but still not be inundated with search hits that are not useful at the present time. Thanks. Michael

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

profile review Posted: 6/26/2008 11:38:05 PM
and then there's the 'being recognized by your profile picture in the community' thing...

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

profile review Posted: 6/23/2008 2:13:07 PM
Thanks for the advice. Very specific, and it makes sense to me immediately. I'll have to open my profile in another window so I remember those changes to make though... lol I may have some better pictures... I just feel like... it's depressing to like give someone high expectations and then let them down, you know? If I like had some awesome picture or something, and then someone met in person expecting I would be like that, or like that 'all the time', it would be a let down for them, and I would probably sense it and I would just become self conscious and not able to just try and 'get to know the person' or something... Or not. I donno. I guess a good thing about being on here, is learning how people see me a little bit, too, or 'how I come off' to people in interactions, which is something I often don't really notice... I don't know if it's something I would change, but at least it helps me get to know who I am a little better, and maybe that will help me know what I want and need a little better, too...

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

profile review Posted: 6/11/2008 4:30:21 AM
ps do they use stickies in this forum? I guess there is already a profile tips link gleaned from this forum etc? Anyways, I will try to read some other people's to at least get a sense of other people's situations when I have time... principles and best practices, etc

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

profile review Posted: 6/11/2008 4:28:11 AM
Ok don't laugh, I showed the profile to my mom, and she was like... certain things seemed too judgmental and stuff, or like self-righteous and preachy (ie value judgments, commentary on society). So I want a second and third opinion etc etc. I don't want to be SOOO honest at the outset that noone will give me a chance, but I don't want to be so 'out to please' that I will get lots of hits with people who are entirely incompatible or whatever -that is, I'm thinking by being honest about some things, that some people might find a negative, that it will help people 'self-select' who is more my type or whatever. I"m using pictures right now, but I'm undecided whether or not I want any showing by default - I have a bad habit of clicking on faces based on appearance alone, and I would rather be deeper than that myself (so I filled out some of the personality stuff, so hopefully I can do personality searches and stuff) but I guess finding someone who only looks at my image and then sends a message, without reading my profile, for instance, is the opposite of what I'm looking for (ok, its probably less a problem for me than someone who is really attractive, but the point is appearances can be deceiving, so I'm trying to find a way to not rely on them as a first judgment). Anyway, any help is appreciated, constructive help appreciated the most. :)

Joined: 12/12/2006

Msg: 67 (view)

what is your type???? ....... visual imprinting of our perfect mate Posted: 1/26/2007 6:57:48 AM
I think genetic traits and predisposition can show themselves in someone's mental outlook etc ... certainly there is the 'nurture' aspect as well, how the environment shapes us, but I do think much of the mental landscape may have it's roots in some genetic heritage as well... which may or may not come across well online, depending on the person, probably. I wonder if Jung's mental 'archetypes' vary based on genetic heritage? Or perhaps they are so primeval that these mental constructs go back to roots where mankind was more or less of one variety...

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