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sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

You know your a Mom when.. Posted: 9/23/2009 12:34:33 PM
four words.............................."Because I said so!"

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 938 (view)

Post a JOKE! Posted: 8/18/2009 9:52:29 AM
The Heaviest Element Known to Science Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

A most terrible event! Posted: 8/14/2009 5:04:06 AM
I had a most unsettling dream this morning. God sneezed---and I didn't know what to say!

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

funniest profile intros Posted: 8/11/2009 11:50:42 AM
True Profile, not from this site, had me laughing out loud! "I'm tired of my situation and looking for a new lease on life. I'm 46, attractive, witty, and fun, and great in bed. I'm also in debt. I want to love and to be loved generously. I'm hoping for a wealthy lady who can help take care of my financial situation, and someone I am attracted to who loves a lot of affection and great sex and fun. I have a job and I am willing to work, so I'm not just a pretty boy looking for a completely free ride. If you're are a good lady and believe you fit my descriptions, please contact me. I am willing to leave my wife, as things are just not working out. I just want to be happy and be able to love someone freely and be loved for the rest of my life. You take care of me, and I will take care of you, baby! Thanks, I'm looking forward to hearing from you.... " I wonder if he got any responses?

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Cute quickies, funny quotes and phrases... Posted: 8/6/2009 4:25:51 AM
Sex is like snow: You don't know how many inches you'll get or how long it's going to last. No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery. Build a man a fire, he's warm for a night. Light a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

REDNECK COMEDY CLUB Posted: 8/5/2009 2:13:44 PM
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde lady walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement & announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length. Bubba and Junior are currently doing government work supervising the reconstruction of those New Orleans Levees.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Best Walks into a bar jokes Posted: 8/5/2009 1:44:30 PM
A deck of cards walks into a bar. Bartender says "Sit over there, I'll deal with you later".

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

What is marriage Posted: 8/5/2009 10:10:04 AM
From "Marriage Lines" by Ogden Nash I Do I Will I Have How wise I am to have instructed the butler to instruct the first footman to instruct the second footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage; I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage. Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen, I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between flora and fauna and flotsam and jetsam, I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgetsam, And he refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or the gas pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate or drown, And she says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the windowsill, it's raining in, and he replies Oh they're all right, it's only raining straight down. That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce, Because it's the only known example of the happy meeting Of the immovable object and the irresistible force. So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat over everything debatable and combatable, Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Best Walks into a bar jokes Posted: 8/4/2009 4:52:25 AM
its "a baby seal walks into a club" ... Ah, jeez, yes...how embarrassing....next time I won't walk into a bar before posting in the forums. >hic<

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Best Walks into a bar jokes Posted: 8/3/2009 1:50:58 PM
Love "bar" jokes! one of my all-time favorites: Baby seal walks into a bar.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Tear Jerker Movies Posted: 5/3/2009 12:18:31 PM
This girl isn't usually into chick flicks, but my sister talked me into "The Notebook" & I found myself utterly captivated & bawling. A few not mentioned so that I would share with a guy: Big Fish Life as a House Ladder 49 A Life Less Ordinary

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Cologne for your man? Posted: 4/15/2009 12:53:29 PM
Just Ivory Soap and your scent.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Why you miss so much the humor? Posted: 1/27/2009 12:11:31 PM
Women want a guy with a sense of humor not to MAKE THEM LAUGH, but to LAUGH ALONG WITH. It's very disconcerting to have that blank stare when a humorous jibe or amusing thought come along. Humor displays a flexibility of mind and soul. Also, not every sense of humor is alike, so one would prefer to spend time with people on similar wavelengths.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Im 18 shes almost 16 Posted: 12/19/2008 12:33:40 PM
I had to laugh when I read this--no offense OP. Just brought an amusing memory to the surface....When my daugher was 15 going into her sophomore year in school, she met a boy of 18, just graduated. We sat across from each other at dinner and talked about it. After listening to her expound on the virtues and merits of this wonderful guy, I told her that it was easy to understand how a 15 year old could become infatuated with an 18 year old. My concern was why an 18 year old was fishing around in 15 year old waters. She was quiet for a moment,****d her head to one side and exclaimed "Mommy, he's not a loser!" Think about it, there are plenty of cool girls out there that are eligible for your attentions. She may be cool, she may seem mature, but she still lacks the years. If you can back off a bit and wait for her while maintaining platonic contact, it could be very rewarding down the road. Give her the gift of time.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Difference Between Whats Right and Whats Expected Posted: 12/18/2008 10:51:39 AM
In civil terms, Marriage is a merger, not an aquistion. As such, it is right to expect both parties to contribute to day-to-day operations to succeed. OP, if you want to avoid problems in the future, take the time to spell out and sort out those tasks and responsibilities before co-habitation. Make sure both parties understand the needs of the merged household as well as the capabilities and disciplines of the contributing members. True love is really grand, I have had the privilege to experience it first-hand. However, it must go hand-in-hand with practicality. Without a clear sense of reality, it cannot be said to be TRUE.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

guys who kiss up to women.? Posted: 8/12/2008 5:50:36 AM
I find an unbalanced amount of ‘kissing up’ makes me very uncomfortable. There’s just not a lot of room to dance up there on a pedestal. Matter of fact, I just discontinued communication with a suitor who was too complementary. To put a picture to it: think of a kitten, having been picked up by a child—petted , hugged, stroked & generally made a fuss over because he thinks it’s so pretty, soft, etc. What’s the kitten do? Squirm & wriggle. As the child works harder to hold on, all the while cooing soft sounds and endearments, the more the kitten will try to get away & the farther she will run when finally loose.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Things not to say on a first date.. . Posted: 7/31/2008 9:23:21 AM
True quotes from various fishies: Is that your real hair? Are those your real breasts? Yup, um-hmm, I could marry you. You remind me a lot of my ex. She used to............

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs. Posted: 5/29/2008 11:59:30 AM
Virgin Couriers: "We've never been late"

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Where men are men and ... Posted: 5/22/2008 10:10:06 AM
Paraphrased from Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide Series, 'Those were the days. When men were real men, women were real women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri'.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

white dot Posted: 5/22/2008 9:57:09 AM
Real stupidity beats artificial intellegence every time.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Need some inventive funny names. Posted: 4/21/2008 5:02:27 AM
Lunch, Dinner, & Picnic

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Funny, but real names... Posted: 12/6/2007 10:55:10 AM
Some really good ones here, guys! Co-worker's name: Bud Hull Once I must have dialed the wrong number to call him, and was caught off-balance when a female answered what I thought was his work cell. "Um, I'm looking for Bud Hull." She hung up on me. There was a girl in our school named Sally Edwards; she married Edward Sally. Now she's Sally Sally.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

How do you flirt with a guy? Posted: 11/29/2007 4:55:28 AM
Oh, and to answer the OP's question--good question... In school there was this one guy I used to exchange punches. I think I have grown out of that...

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

How do you flirt with a guy? Posted: 11/29/2007 4:51:52 AM
flirting is for the pretty girlie girls I beg to differ. Flirting takes all forms, even for those of us of a tomboyish nature. Being the guy-girl buddy is a form of flirting--it's just another angle in marketing yourself to the guys. However, it DOES take nerve if you have not already been introduced to the gentleman. That's a hurdle some of us shy ones never jump.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Skincare products for guys? Posted: 11/14/2007 9:45:44 AM
Touch means a lot to a girl. If she's running her hands along you, your face, whatever, not only will she enjoy the texture of you better, you'll be able to feel it more if the skin is properly moisturized. Also, although I enjoy the firm callouses of a man that works with his hands, but I do not enjoy the cracked dry surfaces of his un-manicured hand snagging in my hair or on my skin. Don't let the macho pressure get to you, merlotman. Keep up the good work.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

What are you thinking ?? Posted: 11/13/2007 9:39:10 AM
So you are both lying there, perhaps still panting and waiting for the pounding of your hearts to slow down....she's probably mentally re-hashing all the delights in which you two just partook....she is wondering which chapter in that you are re-reading. Tell her truly. 'I was remembering how good it felt when you......' 'Wow, it really felt good when you....' or 'How the heck do I keep ending up on the wet spot?' 'Who is Frank and why did she keep calling out his name?'

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

what would people see if Posted: 11/12/2007 9:35:43 AM
Morning excerpts from the hidden observer: How many times is she going to hit that snooze?.....Wow! I don’t think I have ever heard anyone crack, pop & groan as much just getting out of bed…...Hey, don’t close that door, I am supposed to be observing you everywhere!......Ugh, don’t you hate it when the toast lands butter side down—What? no 5-second rule? ...…Right, like mumbling under her breath “keys, keys, keys” and walking in circles is sooo productive…. Workday: All that running around, she’d do well to insert a soundbite in the background of a pinball machine. Ding-ding---clacketa, woodooawoodooawoodooawoodooawoo—ding! ..…..At least she stops long enough to take a bite a t lunch & check her personal emails & relax by reading through the POF Forums. Evening: It’s dark out early but she still goes for her evening walk. .… Dinner looks simple enough, proving once again the food eaten over the sink tastes better to single people than at the perfectly good table over there…....tube on in the background while she putters around the house.. ….It’s a bit early to think about crawling into bed isn’t it? Oh, she wants to read for a bit before her eyes close…… Thank goodness that’s over, I was almost bored to tears.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Romantic Gestures, and Touching = Pressure For Sex? Posted: 10/31/2007 8:51:46 AM
Just a hunch, but perhaps, she is just a little gun shy & all the signals and approaches you have been making weren't wrong at all. Perhaps something in her past experience told her to muster up the courage to speak her mind at that 2nd date. She took a chance that you may not react in a positive manner thus a nervous withdrawal and distancing for the remainder of the date. Your answers seem to have helped. She is still actively interested in seeing you more. Please ignore the previous respondents on this thread who encourage you to play games with this lady. Take her conversation and subsequent invitation to see her again at face value.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Halloween costumes: You, a special somone, or crazy ideas Posted: 10/31/2007 5:17:43 AM
One year I did dress as a lamp. The shade was attached to a hapt covered in gold cloth with a little flashlight. I dangled a pull chain from my earring. the dress was all gold cloth with a hula-hoop at the bottom to make it flair out like the lamp's base. I won second prize. Then there was the time I went as the kite-eating tree from the Peanuts comic strip. One year I put a box and white cloth over my shoulders and glued table settings around the top & went as an entree. first Prise. Last year I sewed a few kitchen utinsels onto a toga and went as "Anioa", the goddess of things that get stuck in drawers. The year I went as 'Yo-Gert': a combination of a shepherdess and hip-hop rapster. Have fun, ya'll! Best Witches.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Ocassional Smoker Posted: 10/30/2007 3:37:57 PM
For some of us smoking, like drinking, can be an indulgence rather than a dependence. Occasionally a light nicotine buzz is very satisfying.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

std's when/ how to tell when trying to find love on line? Posted: 10/26/2007 5:37:05 AM
'I don't care if it is just for friends. totally platonic they have a right to know.. You tell them up front.. ' SassySky, it's called a Sexually Transmitted Disease, not a "Platonically Transmitted Disease. For some, it is hard enough to share with someone else that there is danger in your fireworks, and you think that everyone needs to know before even shaking hands with her? Not every meeting results in a sexual encounter. A person carrying this kind of burden definately has to think twice, thrice, before slipping into bed with a new partner, but until things progress realistically in that direction, why should it be the scarlett letter? Yes, she has a moral obligation to disclose the risks. Yes, some potential partners are going to run away. But then there may be the one who already has it with nothing to fear or the one who cares enough to take the chance. I've known folks in this situation before who found good partners and more. Good for you OP! Keep looking, keep the faith, but let people get to know you first. Hopefully, you'll find that mate and only have to tell your secret one last time.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Dallas - San Antonio (June 13th- 16th) Posted: 5/29/2007 3:55:16 PM
Max, If you want to see the Stockyards, do so at about 4:30 in the afternoon. Every day you can see a real Texas longhorn cattle drive through the Stockyards. Afterwards at that time of day, there are plenty of local saloons starting up happy hour and Joe T Garcia's will teach you the true definition of "Tex-Mex". Be sure & take some time to walk around Downtown Fort Worth too. Have fun!

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex? Posted: 5/23/2007 3:53:29 PM
Went to check out my late husband's new workplace on a Saturday morning. Clothes went flying and we decided to try a mixing one of his wonderful mustache rides with the forklift way in the back of the warehouse. Suddenly we heard his boss walk in. Partner set a world record for getting dressed so he could run to the front & head the boss off in order to give me enough time to climb down and find my clothes. I never did find my panties.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

Would you? Posted: 5/23/2007 2:43:23 PM
As vg_angel so wisely says "Life can be an adventure if you are willing to take the chance". I mean, really gals--- so many responses expressing the certainty that if you don't hit it off with Mr. Potential, the trip is a total loss. Hey! You're on holiday and in a new place just waiting to be explored. Are we all such whimps that we can't sight-see by ourselves? To twist an old maxim: Life introduces you to a lemon, make lemonade.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Texas Small Town Fever Posted: 5/22/2007 4:46:34 PM
www.texashighways.com Esp. check out the News & Events section. Oh, Also, go to the store & buy yourself a map book called "the Roads of Texas". Happy traveling!

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 51 (view)

Would you? Posted: 5/22/2007 4:01:56 PM
Ahhh, lovely San Marcos, the prettier little hill country sister of Austin, home of not one, but two outlet malls and several tubing rental venues. What’s not to fantasize over? Joking aside…Would I follow through? HMMMM...Tough call, when you ask like that. Let's modify this question & ask if I would pay my own travel costs to walk in his world for a few days. Note here the removal of any potential ‘strings’. Well then, by golly, make it happen darlin’! Two adults that find a spark online & by phone & want to explore fire-building potential should explore as far as they are comfortable. Sometimes we can tell that little voice inside that wants to hold us back to SHUT UP! Fantasies needn’t always remain just fantasies.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

Can a casual comment instantly turn you off? Posted: 5/13/2007 5:26:34 PM
Not just for dating situations: "Suposably" "Aks" a question "Eck-setera" "Ir-regardless" It would be impolite to correct the language mangler in many situations so I bite my tounge, but....Augh!

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Soul mates-- Body mates? Posted: 5/6/2007 12:26:10 PM
Yes, and Oh! the joy in finding someone with libido, rhythms, temperatures, energy, humor and fit to match yours during build up, climax & cool down. However, I don't think I would have ever allowed myself to discover this if I hadn't already seen in us companionable spirits.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Funny Things Writtne On a Truck Posted: 4/12/2007 11:43:55 AM
Virgin Couriers--We've never been late

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Funny Things Writtne On a Truck Posted: 4/12/2007 11:43:15 AM
Written by finger on the back of an SUV that looked like it had just had a very fun off-road experience: "I wish my wife were this dirty!"

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

~~ Happy Easter ~~ Posted: 4/8/2007 10:32:03 AM
Snowfall in April! How great is that? Careful tho, don't go trying to catch snowflakes on your tongue--the birds are already migrating north. yuch!

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Would you double date with your son or daughter Posted: 3/27/2007 10:34:45 AM
Absolutely. Have done so. My daughter & I thoroughly each night. We've also done several 'girl's night out' together. We share a couple of favorite venues. She gets as big a kick as I do when we are mistaken for sisters.

sharizzhere

Joined: 12/13/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

The Most Difficult Thing You've Ever Had To Do....... Posted: 2/22/2007 8:56:52 AM
My husband died seven years ago. We were so rightly suited to each other that he passed to me the additional strength I needed to survive after he was gone. Things are still a bit of a blur, but I remember preferring to worry about how to pay the bills over that great gaping ragged hole in my soul. It was time to be strong for my daughter. She still had high school and college to get through. I also survived by changing jobs and becoming involved in the community. As Mark Twain put it, "Grief can take care of itself, but to get full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with." So after a few years, I found someone with whom I could share again. He shone a new light in my heart. It was a joyous partnership of passion, play, productivity, and potential. Early on in the relationship he expressed his goal of one day moving to the Northwest. The true meaning of his dream solidified about a year into the relationship. The opportunity of a transfer came in his company and he took it. By that time, my daughter was away at college, so I considered going with him. Also by that time my job had turned into a career with a company I loved. No guarantees that the office in Oregon would have room for me. What could I do? I helped him sell his house, I visited a few times to get a feel for this new part of the country, and I tried to decide while he settled in and patiently waited for me. My daughter was back in town trying to finish college. She was still in that transitional phase towards independent adulthood & in the end, I turned him down. I wasn’t prepared to leave her. It’s one thing for a child to leave the nest, it’s quite another for the parent to go. A couple of months ago she finished college and moved to New England to pursue love and a job opportunity. I am very happy and proud in her flight. Who’s to say what is more difficult? Was the hardest part was watching my husband die then finding life & love again? Or was it harder yet after finding love again only to turn away from it, regroup, and start over? Regardless of hardship----Yes, I will take the test again. I want to find someone & I know he’s out there—I found true partnership before, I will find it again. That’s why I am on POF. Potential is a wonderful word. My point to you, Aries Girl, is that there are wonderful memories and lessons learned from the relationship you enjoyed with this man. His path & yours crossed significantly. Use it, be strong for your child, turn to the future.

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