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thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

visitation enforcement? Posted: 1/12/2008 11:31:28 AM
That's why I said you need to have third party witnesses, emails, voice mails, etc...like the other poster said you need to back up what you're writing down. I journal everything with my ex and it helped me get permanent supervised visitation along with having witnesses to his skipping visitation and picking fights in front of my child. I'm not saying journaling alone will make a case, but it helps you keep track of dates and details of things that have happened. Good luck, thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

visitation enforcement? Posted: 1/12/2008 9:15:49 AM
Unfortunately, you can't force him to show up for visitation, but you should be documenting everything and the affect it's having on your child/children. If it gets to the point that you feel his involvement is very deterimental to your kid then you will have documentation to make a change in custody/visitation. Make sure you have third party witnesses who are willing to testify, keep voicemails, emails, etc..of his behavior. Good luck, I'm sorry he's not doing what's right for the child. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Men who are interested, then the ex comes back on scene!! Posted: 11/20/2007 4:42:41 PM
I agree move on. I dated a guy for three months and he was the first guy I had connected with in four years and after meeting his parents, siblings and friends at his 40th birthday party...word got back to the ex who had been out of the picture for five years and he gave her another chance. It went belly up after about two weeks. He called and I said "Sorry, you only get one chance with me." I'll admit it was hard to say that to him, but I respect myself too much to be second best.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 117 (view)

If someone emails you with misspelled words and bad grammar, do you respond? Posted: 11/20/2007 4:30:25 PM
It depends on how bad it is. We all make mistakes and those I can forgive, but if it is really bad then I won't respond.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

On Turning 40 (For ladies.) Posted: 11/20/2007 2:00:51 PM
Wonderful...I love the bullet points. I turn 40 this coming July and I think I'm better than ever! I've invited a bunch of friends to take a cruise to celebrate mine and many of their 40th birthdays. Now all I need is a slightly younger man who can appreciate all that I have to give! Any takers?, lol

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 304 (view)

I'm not attracted to women my age. Posted: 11/16/2007 11:02:16 AM
OP, I'm 39 and I've had the same thought about the men our age on here! While there are some who are in shape (not looking for perfect, only someone who makes an effort to stay in shape) many have let themselves go. Of course, I think it has to do with the limited geographical area I'm looking in also. And I'll admit that I'm picky, but I know what I want, which is no more than what I offer.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 791 (view)

so, why are you still single? Posted: 11/15/2007 8:13:38 AM
Yep, hear it quite often especially from one of my sisters-in law. I just respond that I'm single because I want to be!

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 73 (view)

meeting the kids way to soon! Posted: 11/14/2007 1:23:46 PM
OP, I didn't read all the other posts, but no one meets my daughter unless we are very serious about each other. A revolving door of men is not good for kids.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 1200 (view)

older women younger men Posted: 11/14/2007 1:21:49 PM
I've almost always dated guys a little younger (2-3 years) than me and it's worked out great. Lately, I've been attracting guys around my age or a few years older and honestly I haven't been impressed. I realize that we're all getting older and our bodies are showing some of the signs, but for goodness sake why do you think I'm going to jump at the chance to date a guy who isn't taking care of himself no matter what his age. I'm not perfect, but I work out, eat well and do my best to look good...I expect the same in anyone I date. I need a man who has brains and takes care of himself physically as I expect great conversation and GREAT SEX!!!!

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

I am noticing a trend in women over 30 Posted: 10/27/2007 9:18:49 PM
Amen gymgurl...I'm there with you!

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 134 (view)

Horrible kisser = deal breaker???? Posted: 10/27/2007 8:35:05 PM
Yes, that would be the end of the relationship as kissing is one of my favorite things in the world. A kiss can do so much! thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Really Freaky Sex Posted: 10/27/2007 8:33:23 PM
I'll take some of what phllpsrh is having! Picnic table, city park...sounds like when I lot my virginity, LOL.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

The rebound guy Posted: 10/27/2007 8:25:25 PM
The OP is probably talking about the guys who are "separated" and I agree that both men and women need to take some time to be single and get their life together before pursing another relationship. If I see "separated" in the profile, I quickly move on. As a rule, I don't date anyone who hasn't been divorced/on their own for at least a year. I don't want to be the rebound person and I find people who can't be alone way too needy! thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

What am I to do?! I feel helpless.. Posted: 10/11/2007 12:58:13 PM
With age comes wisdom...aligirl said it very well. You need to realize that you don't need a man to be happy and the only reason you should have a threesome is if you are doing it for you. Move on...this guy isn't worth it. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

how many people communicate openly w/the childs other parent Posted: 8/6/2007 11:59:47 AM
OP, you are right. You should be able to have an open discussion with the mother about how to work together to be great parents. It sounds like you are doing your part so I don't see why she wouldn't want to work with you. At some point, we all have to get over the old hurts from the relationship and focus on our children. I hope for all of your sakes you can get to that point. Good luck, thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 101 (view)

ex is getting remarried and wants my kid to call her MOM Posted: 6/22/2007 10:29:10 AM
I agree with tobi12 from the first pages of responses...your ex is lashing out at you. I'm in a similar situation...have sole legal/physical custody and my ex is remarried to a woman that both my daughter and I like (ex is abusive so I also feel sorry for her). Her father repeatedly refers to his wife (to my daughter) as her other mother. They have been together since my daughter was 2 and she's now 9 so he's been trying this for awhile. However, his wife told my daughter point blank that "your mom is your mom, and even though I love you like a mom I would never try to take her place." They (daugher and stepmom) agreed that she would call her stepmom by her first name and we all basically just ignore my ex when he tries to force the "mom" issue. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Seeking an elegant, poignant response Posted: 6/9/2007 7:20:36 AM
devenjohn, I agree with your post completely. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

Single dads still attractive? Posted: 6/6/2007 9:34:10 AM
I find men who are raising their children to be very attractive! It shows that their priorities are in the right place and that they are potentially loving and caring mates. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 87 (view)

Mans Hands Posted: 5/29/2007 8:55:49 AM
Big, rough, but clean....ummm.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Has Your Children's Father/Mother Ever Suprised You (Nicely)? Posted: 5/14/2007 1:32:59 PM
While my ex didn't get me anything for Mother's Day (didn't expect him to) he and his wife did tell me Happy Mother's Day and I told his wife the same. I have always made sure we (my 9-year- old daughter and I) buy him, his wife, and his family Christmas gifts and at least send birthday cards. I just believe that it is the right thing to do as it shows my daughter that she should show him and his family respect and also shows that we don't hate each other, lol. A couple of years ago, he and his family actually started getting me Christmas gifts, which I appreciate, but don't expect. I do think it makes my daughter feel good though because due to his supervised visits we're always together at my house for Christmas and she would get worried that I felt left out when I didn't have a gift to open....so maybe the gift giving was at her suggestion...who knows. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Need A MOM's opinoin Posted: 5/14/2007 1:17:08 PM
Amen, Chatterbox! I've also been wondering what this guy's ex did that he feels it's all her fault their daughter is out of control? All he said was that she was strict...and that seems to be what most of the posters are advising him to be. Not saying his ex hasn't screwed up and isn't screwing up, but the fact that he's putting a the majority of the blame on her tells me he's not willing to admit that he's also at fault. However, I'm glad that he's trying to rectify the situation now, and I wish him luck. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

my children hate me Posted: 3/19/2007 2:32:55 PM
heyred76, Don't beat yourself up. You've done the right thing by getting yourself and the kids out of that situation. However, I do have to point out that your ex isn't such a "good father" if he is bad mouthing you and teaching his sons to disrespect their mother. He is creating a new generation of abusers. I would suggest that you make sure you attorney knows about this behavior in front of the children so it can be considered in custody and visitation. Male or female, you don't trash your ex to or in front of your kids no matter how you feel about one another. You get along in front of the kids to lessen the impact of the divorce on them! Your ex needs mental help. Good luck, thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 65 (view)

mother brainwashing kids Posted: 3/19/2007 2:03:28 PM
OP, I just wanted to say good luck! I've never understood parents who couldn't get along for the sake of the kids. My ex was abusive in every way and he has permanent supervised visits; however, I let him into my home with his wife, parents and siblings (and some of my family for protection) and we get along. My daughter knows why the visits are supervised because she witnessed him beating his girlfriend (now wife), but I never badmouth him. When she asks about the domestic violence, I explain that it's an illness and that we can only pray that her father is better and she has to base her relationship with him on how he treats her. A few months after I left my ex, I decided that being angry and hateful was a waste of my time and energy and he wasn't worth it. I think that's why I can now be serene and calm when around him. I think if you can reach this state toward your ex after all the custody issues are settled then you will find it much easier to focus on your daughters. Of course, I'm not discounting the fact that you have to go through the angry/hateful stage because that's a part of the process and without it you won't ever truly heal. You've gotten some good advice on reconnecting with them. Be loving, consistent and firm and they'll find their way back to you. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

What destructive things have your kids done? Posted: 1/30/2007 3:25:52 PM
OP, I wouldn't call my daughter destructive, but some of the things she's done in the name of being curious and creative haven't exactly left things unscathed. However, I would rather see the cat wearing lipstick and see her and her cousin with matching uneven haircuts than have a child who didn't want to experiment and find out the whys and hows of things! I remember when I was a kid, my cousins and I were always into something. We lived on a farm so the world was ours to explore. Let's see some of the famous ones that get brought up at all the family gatherings include making "Walnut Soup" (hmm...walnut stain stays on your clothes forever and your skin for a really long time!); losing our boots in hip deep mud in a farm field, and sliding down a steep creek embankment in the timber into shallow water (almost broke an arm on that one). Oh Yeah, forgot that my uncle would give us cigars and firecrackers (little ones) every fourth of July...bless his departed soul. The adults would all sit around and watch and the only rule was that you couldn't throw at each other above the knees. Considering that my mom is very over protective and rarely didn't check on us in 10-minute intervals I would say we were very clever!

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 168 (view)

Have you had to BURY one of your kids? Posted: 1/23/2007 12:56:00 PM
csimonds, Sounds like that judge is really in the pocket of your ex's family because from what you described there is no way you should have a problem getting sole legal and physical custody of your child and getting supervised visitation. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I wish you luck and perserverance to get your child back. YEAIDID, No wonder you are feeling so much rage, you've been hit below the belt three times in a row. I can't begin to know how you feel, but I want you to know that my thoughts are with you. Hang in there and check into therapy to help you deal with your multiple losses. Good luck to you both.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

help me out please... Posted: 1/23/2007 12:32:42 PM
I hope your talk with your friend went well. He really sounds like a potential abuser and she needs to get him out of her life. I hope the next time she meets someone she doesn't let them meet her children until the relationship is seriously pointed in the long-term direction. Always better safe than sorry.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

San Antonio, TX Posted: 1/10/2007 7:41:35 AM
Wanderingbeauty, Thanks for the comments. The tour bus sounds like a good plan, and we'd love the river cruise. Fortunately, we won't have to worry about parking unless we decide to rent a car. If we do, I'll keep your advice in mind. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

San Antonio, TX Posted: 1/9/2007 10:32:06 AM
I'm taking a spur of the moment trip to San Antonio for the weekend. Anyone have suggestions on good places to eat or visit that are beyond the typical tourist attractions (my daughter has already said she wants to go to the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum and the Guiness World Records museum...)? Thanks, thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

is there anyway the exs girlfriend can have a say in what happens with my child Posted: 1/8/2007 8:19:09 AM
"no option on that one i tried to fight it he was charged for beating the hell out of me when i was 9 months pregnant and he tried to kill my child but the family courts in this country don't care i was told by the judge that if i do not give in and give him some visitation that he would consider giveing him custody" OP, so they have given him totally unsupervised and overnight visitation? OMG...that's crazy! You must have had a whack job for a judge! I have sole legal and physical custody and he's had supervised visits for more than five years now, after his girlfriend (now wife) testified for me that he was beating her in front of my child. Before that incident, that courts had given him back unsupervised visitation. However, with the girlfriend's testimony and my attorney making it clear that we would come back for the judge if anything happened to my child, I got permanent supervised. However, he can take me back to court to challenge it...which he did three years ago, but the case never went anywhere. I'm sure when she's older we'll be back in court, which scares me because he's beat every woman in his life, including his mother. A pre-teen or teenager will make an excellent victim for his anger issues. As for the girlfriend...she has no say in your child's life and you need to quit talking to her. Go only through your attorney! thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Custody/Divorce Costs Posted: 1/6/2007 7:42:24 PM
OP, after about a 1 1/2 years of my ex playing the continuance game (with me losing days from work)... I ended up with about $4,000 in legal fees, which he was ordered to a pay...yeah, right. I've paid it all off and my attorney has filed suit against him, but since he moved to another state she can't garnish his wages. I'll never see that money...sigh! But it doesn't matter, because I have what I want--sole custody and supervised visitation. You do what you have to to do right by your kids. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

new girl friend hanging with kids 2 weeks after seperation Posted: 1/5/2007 1:17:51 PM
OP, I don't think what your ex is doing is at all appropriate, but you know what my ex did the same thing. He had a string of girlfriends parading around in front of my daughter within weeks...believe me I was not jealous...I left the abusive creep. He actually eventually married one of those girlfriends and they just had a baby (six years down the road) so I was lucky that the woman my daughter became very attached to has stuck around (although I feel sorry for her!). I also know now that even if their marriage ends, the stepmom will still be in my daughter's life. I'm grateful that she is a good person who had my daughter's best interests at heart. The problem with bringing new people around your kids so soon is that they're still recovering from the split between their parents. And how is your child going to feel if he gets attached to someone who is only around for a short period of time? Your ex needs to think about how this could affect his son. His focus should be his child when it is his time to spend with his son, especially this early on in the game. JMO thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Joint custody or Sole custody Posted: 1/4/2007 2:44:06 PM
OP, as a single mom who has sole physical and legal custody (ex also has supervised visits) for my child's safety, I say go for the joint physical and legal custody....if only I had an ex who was sane and could put my child's best interest first. However, I did see one post suggesting that maybe instead of switching homes every few days, instead each parent having her for a week at a time...that may provide more consistency in her life. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you get it all tied up legally for everyone's protection. Good luck, and kudos for caring enough to want to be in your child's life.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 439 (view)

yes or no? Friends with benefits! Posted: 1/1/2007 6:43:46 PM
Had one who was an ex and a good friend...but seemed like neither of us could move on because of it so I went cold turkey this summer. I don't think I would do it again, but it was good while it lasted.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 91 (view)

Do you ladies really do this? Posted: 12/30/2006 8:48:06 AM
I haven't read all of the posts, but wow, who have you guys been dating? Maybe I'm just too forthright and honest (qualities that some men don't seem to like), but I've never even thought of "testing" a man. If I say something or do something then you'll know exactly where I'm coming from! I hate games.... thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 173 (view)

How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help? Posted: 12/28/2006 2:06:13 PM
Ditto to Icequeen's recognition of great single dads! Wouldn't life be easier if all parents would just put their kids first and work with the ex to be an effective and loving co-parent? For everyone who doesn't have that situation though and is still doing a spectacular job, I say BRAVO!

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 172 (view)

How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help? Posted: 12/28/2006 1:56:50 PM
My ex lives 12 hours away and only has supervised visitation due to his abusive ways. I have sole legal and physical custody. My help comes from family and friends and that's fine because he's a bad influence that I try to keep to a minimum. It's not easy, but worth it.

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

Pop-up Christmas Dad.... Posted: 12/27/2006 1:43:51 PM
dannol, Great advice. Co-parenting involves compromise and logic. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 65 (view)

Pop-up Christmas Dad.... Posted: 12/27/2006 1:40:16 PM
Hello...Spiderham... Did you not read the part of him driving while impaired and likely doing drugs with his sister...just the environment alone is child endangerment. It doesn't sound to me like this is an issue between her and him, but an issue of him being irresponsible. If anything she sounds like she still has hope that he could turn out to be a real father. She's just decide to take her self out of the middle like you suggested she do! She's no longer arranging his visits for him. Why should she bend over backwards and change her plans just because he decides days before Christmas to see the kids after not seeing them for 8 months? I'm not saying don't let him see them, but he needs to give "reasonable" notice. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 64 (view)

Pop-up Christmas Dad.... Posted: 12/27/2006 1:31:02 PM
OP, I know I'm late in my response, but here's my two cents.... If he had been making an effort I would probably accomodate him, but he hasn't so I don't think you should. I don't know how old your girls are, but after not seeing him for 8 months I doubt they would be comfortable going on an overnight with him and I don't think I would be comfortable sending them. I would tell him that you already have plans but you'd be happy to schedule another time for him to see the girls. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

A Little Input Here Please Posted: 12/26/2006 2:35:29 PM
OP, I would suggest you either talk to your ex or the ex-mother-in-law and settle it once and for all...I also would not suggest making any sorts of excuses about the gift. I know that it may open you up to more questions from your daughter and she may feel hurt, but at least she will know where she stands. You shouldn't bad mouth the ex mother in law, but you also shouldn't hide the facts. You can just say this is from your grandmother. If she asks more about her, just tell her that you're not sure why she hasn't met her, but that you love her very much. I would also suggest that your ex be asked to field these questions about his mother if he is involved in your child's life. JMO thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

How do you say how you feel...? Posted: 12/26/2006 1:13:08 PM
Good advice and put so nicely! You need to move on OP. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 215 (view)

Your boyfriend tells a sexual joke to your daughter ! Posted: 12/26/2006 9:55:08 AM
Scary...that would be the end of him in my world! That mother obviously has issues. I feel for the daughter. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 214 (view)

Your boyfriend tells a sexual joke to your daughter ! Posted: 12/26/2006 9:53:57 AM
Scary...that would be the end of him in my world! That mother obviously has issues. I feel for the daughter. thetwojanes

thetwojanes

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 246 (view)

I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms Posted: 12/22/2006 1:11:36 PM
Well said van Isle. I think the trap many women and men fall into is that they jump into one relationship after another without ever taking the time to figure our why they keep making the same mistakes. If you aren't healthy and happy with yourself then chances are you won't be able to have a healthy and happy relationship. thetwojanes

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