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h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Any Meaning Behind This -? Posted: 11/15/2009 8:25:04 PM
Hair snuggling during friend hugs is a grave violation of protocol. If guys do this to you, you have to limit them to handshakes, for their own good as much as for yours. This behaviour is a basically a last chance cop-a-feel from guys who genuinely hoped for more than friendship. You are entitled to your curious-but-not-bothered perspective, but recognize the emotional pain that these guys are going through. It would be kinder to keep a bit more emotional distance until their heartache subsides.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Tell him how I feel or shut my pie hole? Posted: 11/11/2009 5:57:08 PM
You would make things highly uncomfortable by telling him how you feel about him. You have nothing to gain by crossing that particular line. Nothing you say will change the fact that he doesn't want to date you. On the other hand, you could lose a valuable friendship. Also, the concept of emotional infidelity is a crock. You two were friends. In a healthy relationship, even in marriage, friendship is not infidelity.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Was He Too Blunt? Posted: 11/11/2009 6:26:39 AM
What he said to you indicates that he has no class and that he is ruled by vulgar impulses. I'm afraid that "get too comfortable" doesn't really cover it. He has no respect for women, and thinks so little of you that he can't be bothered to give you a basic level of courtesy. Thinking of cutting him out? What's to think about?

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Bye Bye Tories Posted: 11/8/2009 6:22:37 PM
In the last election, the party's majority increased under Stelmach. Next time, even if the PCs lose a third of their seats, they'd still form the next government. Why would the PCs listen to the public? Voters give them undeserved majorities time after time after time. If the public wanted a government that was responsive to public opinion and the needs of the province, they wouldn't hand them a blank cheque every election. The unending rule of the PCs in Alberta is a never ending nightmare. There is no escape.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Play hard? Posted: 11/4/2009 3:45:33 PM
Generally, it means that the guy likes sports and the outdoors, and that he generally stays active with hobbies and projects. This would be the sort of guy who rebuilds his car after work, builds an addition on his house on the weekend and plays on three different sports teams. On the other hand, it could be a meaningless cliche. It is best to ask the specific guy what he means by the phrase if you want to know for sure.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

FLU CLINICS CLOSING Posted: 10/31/2009 6:36:23 PM
I went to the SE clinic this morning. Anyone who didn't start lining up by about seven thirty got turned away, and that's after a lot of people gave up before they reached the head of the line. Many people were saving spots for their friends and relatives, and that made it hard for the clinic to estimate where the cutoff would be, so throughout the day, they went along and moved up the cutoff point. People who were told at eleven AM that they would make it in were told at 2 PM that they weren't going to make the cut. When a nurse came around to tell people that they wouldn't make it in, two policemen went with her. No one got aggressive, but a lot of people were dissatisfied and frustrated. The real problem was that the whole thing wasn't organized for a fair and orderly distribution of the vaccine. Now that they are starting over, maybe they'll put a bit of thought into how to fix the problems.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

What does Undecided/Open mean regarding Wants Kids Posted: 10/27/2009 5:50:34 PM
A man who says that he wants children arouses all sorts of fears and insecurities in women, so most men just say that they are undecided. I blame feminism, partly. When should you ask about intentions regarding children? For a twenty year old, maybe after meeting the parents. If you feel like being a bit wicked, ask it when you are meeting the parents. For people over the age of 25, ask it on the first date. If you have a good rapport, ask it before the first date. Life's too short to fumble around the issue, and anyone who freaks out isn't worth dating.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Why do i get all the weird men?? Posted: 10/27/2009 5:42:07 PM
Why do i attract these people? This is the sort of question that only you can answer. But if these people aren't your cup of tea, then your whole strategy of passive dating should be reevaluated. Instead of waiting for someone to be attracted to you, figure out who you want and take matters into your own hands. Be the hunter, not the hunted. It's hard work, requiring skill, patience and bit of luck. You won't catch everything you chase, but at least you can choose your quarry.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Is it ok to date my brother's best friend?? Posted: 10/27/2009 5:33:02 PM
It is a very risky proposition. It might cause resentment on the part of your brother, and if you break up with his friend, it might strain their friendship. You are better off keeping your dating life separate from your family.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Is Online dating ruining it for the real world of dating? Posted: 10/24/2009 1:58:07 PM
The real world dating scene was a barren wasteland before online dating, it is one now, and it will continue to be one ... forever! Hahahahha! Okay, so maybe it isn't that bad, but I don't think that it has ever been easy. Dating and being single, and trying to meet people and connect is a long, hard, painful, humiliating process. Online dating gives people the false hope that they can cheat the system, that they can find the person of their dreams in five easy mouseclicks. You may be right that online dating takes some people out of circulation, but few people date exclusively online for any sustained period of time. If there was no online dating and no internet, the pool of available dates wouldn't increase all that much.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

What does BFF mean? Posted: 10/21/2009 8:04:19 PM
It means that the guy is a Paris Hilton fan or a teenage girl. No wonder he didn't answer you.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Tired of Sexual overtures by men I havent even met yet...... Posted: 10/15/2009 2:06:25 PM
There are many men looking for serious relationships on sites like this, but they tend to get crowded out by their more aggressive and vulgar colleagues. If you want to find them, you will have to look for them and probably make the first move. Considering how many women claim to want this kind of guy, if you see any, snap them up, because they won't last long. For women, being propositioned is a hazard inherent to online dating. You either deal with it, or you will have challenges. One alternative you might consider is taking classes, joining clubs or volunteering with organizations that will allow you to get to know men outside of the pressure cooker of the dating scene.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

separation rules Posted: 10/15/2009 1:58:42 PM
Divorce is the gold standard of official and final separation from a former spouse. Legal separation is a close second. Unless a man is very traditional, either of these is a green light to date a woman. Anything less must be considered on a case by case basis. Some men might be a bit cautious about dating a woman living for years as a roommate with her non-divorced, non-separated husband. Even if you understand that it's over, he might not, and you're living in the same house, so picking you up or dropping you off might be uncomfortable, never mind spending a night together.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

One guy at a time - WHY Posted: 10/15/2009 8:00:33 AM
Is it right that they ask No does it matter that there is more than one at a time No Seeing more than one guy, at least before establishing a formal dating relationship, is fair game, and no reasonable man should be upset, or even surprised, by the idea. He's probably doing the same thing, anyway. However, there is sometimes an irrational, instinctive component to men that, if aroused, can result in unreasonable feelings of jealousy or possessiveness. So don't bring the subject up. If they ask about other guys, don't answer. If you have to, be vague. Let them know that if you talk to them or even meet with them, that it is only a preliminary step to a relationship. If you encounter men who can't deal with this, steer clear; they are probably bad relationship material anyway, and might turn out to be stalkers and weirdos.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

How old are you and what age do you consider to be old for a women? Posted: 10/14/2009 5:46:00 PM
For men who want a long term relationship, it is important to consider the issue of children. For various reasons, it is a good idea for a woman to start having children no later than early to mid thirties. A man often wants to spend a few years (e.g. 5 years) of marriage before children, and it may take a few years, especially these days, to convince a woman to marry. That is why many men look for women in their late twenties or younger.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

do you have to put out first? Posted: 10/10/2009 12:15:56 PM
Some women want an instant relationship with no sex, and some men want instant sex with no relationship. We live in a society that promotes instant gratification, and this is especially true on the internet. If you want a quick fix, then sleep with him right away. That will, at least, get his attention. After that, you still have the task of convincing him that you are good relationship material. If you want a man to fall madly, yet platonically, in love with you, you will need a lot more effort and a whole lot of patience. Think of them as tortoise and hare approaches. Both will get you to the finish line.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Self Image Posted: 10/1/2009 10:19:11 PM
The first is attractive, though challenging. The second kind of woman is unattractive. To be modest and self effacing is to discourage any kind of scrutiny or social contact. Unless no alternative is available, men will pass this sort of woman by and focus their attention on women who are approachable and open to conversation and social interaction that leads to attraction. A woman who downplays her sex appeal is clearly not interested in romance or courtship, and a lot of guys will take a pass on her as well. Insecure women? They are bad news. More likely to cry than to laugh, they aren't terribly appealing.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Should sex be discussed? Posted: 10/1/2009 10:06:01 AM
Personally, I think that discussions about sex are generally a bad idea, at least between men and women who are seeing each other. If a man isn't getting sex, there are two possible reasons. Either he isn't up for it, in which case he is inadequate. Or, he doesn't inspire desire in his woman, in which case he is also inadequate. The only thing that talking about will do is to rub that fact in his face. It is best to give it some time and see if the problem resolves itself. Take that time as an opportunity to focus on other aspects of the relationship. At the end of the day, if the passion has fizzled, talking about it won't change anything.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

question for the guys... Posted: 10/1/2009 9:54:59 AM
Why does a guy put that he is seeking a LTR but then say he's "not ready" to find a girlfriend? Some guys have longer timelines that you do and aren't ready to leap into something as important as a lifelong commitment without laying the groundwork. An LTR is a long term project. It takes time and patience Why do internet dating and "seek LTR" if your not? Why not just be honest and say "dating" or "intimate encounter"? It's a marketing decision. Evidently, the approach you recommend doesn't achieve the desired results. Caveat emptor. Why are men so flakey? Why r men so scared? You're begging the question. Most men are neither. You need to find a way to focus on the segment of the male population that has the characteristics you desire, rather than the flakey/scared demographic.. Why is it that any woman who comes after the "one who hurt him" are the ones who pay? You only pay if you get involved with someone who is damaged and irresponsible. Why is a guys pain so much more profound than a womans? Pain affects men differently that it does women, especially as it pertains to relationships. If you are going to date men, you have to accept that they have a different perspective. If I carry an "issue" from the past into something new, I get the "I'm not that guy" lecture, but if he does it I get the "u have to respect my boundaries" lecture? Boundaries and baggage are two separate issues. Respect is fundamental to relationships, successful ones anyway. As for boundaries, push them at your own peril. Forcing someone to give you a relationship on your terms usually doesn't work. You have to negotiate, earn trust, compromise and at the end of the day, accept.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Why would a man..... Posted: 9/29/2009 7:20:42 PM
Why would he go after a woman who is wanting more? Well, first of all, this kind of guy doesn't care what a woman wants. He goes after the kind of woman you describe because many such women will give him what he's asking for. If women would put their foot down and stop giving sex to these good time guys, they would quickly change their tune. Why would he go after a woman who is vulnerable? A woman who isn't vulnerable would shut him down. Why go after a woman he will probably hurt? Men like this don't care who they hurt. As for your suggestion that random sex men date random sex women, it's not going to happen. Random sex women make up an extremely small fraction of the female population. There aren't enough to go around.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

texting,texting,texting...... Posted: 9/27/2009 7:43:49 PM
Texting is convenient, but sterile and unromantic. Progress be darned! The old fashioned way is better, at least until the relationship goes stale. Any guy who cares about you and is half way romantic is going to spend face time with you, send you greeting cards and handwritten letters, and talk to you on the phone, just so he can hear your voice. The higher the percentage of text communication, the less interested he is.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Question for guys help me please!! Posted: 9/27/2009 7:40:05 PM
No relationship is perfect, and this one sounds like it might take a lot of effort if you want it to work for you. You may want to consult an astrologer, or at least read up a bit more about Geminis if you are going to date one. The problems you have encountered aren't entirely atypical of this sign. You have to take the good with the bad. Also, low self esteem or not, you shouldn't go pining after your ex-boyfriends while you are still attached. What was his sign, anyway?

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

When you get mixed signals, which do you believe? Posted: 9/27/2009 7:26:06 PM
I think it is the grief talking. You can't really trust what he says when he is in a highly emotional state. My guess is that on some level, he would like to have a stable, long term relationship, just like on some level, an alcoholic would like to be sober. When his life gets back to normal, his natural aversion to monogamy and marriage will reassert itself. Are you stupid for having a little hope? Not at all. It means you're human, and you have a heart. However, at this point, you should step back, give the whole thing a bit of time to settle out, and if, after a while, you begin to believe that he has changed, proceed with caution.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

If you're not sure if a woman is interested... Posted: 9/24/2009 8:56:26 PM
At the stage you have described, the point of no return has been reached, or at least the point of diminishing returns. From a romantic or sexual perspective, it's time to write the whole thing off. new female friend you've been hanging out with, or a girl you've asked out once... Once you enter the friendship zone, it's checkmate. Move on. Similarly, if you've gone on a date and seen no signs of interest, then forget about it. Who you think is cute and interesting, though not the most impressive lady you've ever dated or anything (then again you've only known her a short time). Cute and interesting is for women friends. Not the most impressive means not interested. I wouldn't date someone who didn't impress me at least a little bit. A short time, sometime s a matter of twenty minutes, is all it takes to reach a conclusion. People would be a lot happier if they would trust their instincts instead of plodding on with relationships that aren't going anywhere. She hasn't given you any signals that she obviously wants to sleep with you ... just acts friendly. Great. She's a pal, a buddy, someone you can watch chick flicks with. How far will you take it before moving on? In this scenario, it has gone too far already. Cut and run, and don't look back. Do you wait for a lady who is very obviously into you romantically before trying to make your move(s)? Even subtly interested in close enough. In the situation you describe, the woman is disinterested. There is no point in making a move that will almost certainly be rejected. Or do you pursue a bit until you get a definite "no"? One date is more than a bit. Not interested means no. Unresponsive means no. How much more definite can you get?

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Men, what makes you decide? Posted: 9/24/2009 10:01:12 AM
The decision of whether or not to pursue a woman is based on compatibility. If a woman and a man are not compatible, intimacy does not change the fact. That's why it's a good idea to hold off on the nookie until enough evidence exists to suggest the bare minimum compatibility to continue on.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Just another one of those lines? Posted: 9/24/2009 9:53:47 AM
Easy to love is a lot like it's not you, it's me. It's an indication that the basis of your breakup is not any reprehensible fault of yours nor any specific action you have taken that would justify a breakup. The unspoken second part of the statement is that, easy to love or not, he doesn't love you. <div class="quote">It was a lame break up, though. The truly memorable breakups, the ones with tears, flying plates, restraining orders and boiled rabbits, are pretty rare, and they aren't as much fun as people say. To pull them off, you have to really work up to them, or be insane. Fortunately, you're young enough that it's not too late to have one, if that's what you really want.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

The Majority threw in the towel too early! Posted: 9/24/2009 9:37:51 AM
Is this normal that a man would rather drive up here and meet me for another date, then me drive up there and meet him? No, it's rather suspicious, actually. He might be married, live in a bad neighbourhood or be wanted by the police in his home town. should i continue contact by calling him tonight just to say hello, or stick with the AIM method of waiting for him to contact me first? Don't call him just to say hello. Saying hello is part of the overhead of a phone call; it is not the substance of the call, nor is it sufficient justification, in and of itself, for a phone call. Best to let him contact you. I do put wayy to much thought into dating and men, but jeez I cant help it. That's a cop out. You can help it. It's your life. If you aren't willing to make the effort for yourself, no one else can really do anything for you. i have alot on my plate right now, work, school, a police exam in two days, dogs, and then i put this guy into the mix. So take him out of the mix. Set priorities. Work, school, police exams, and even dogs take precedence over a guy with a busted lower ball joint.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

intimidation? or not interested.... Posted: 9/23/2009 8:15:01 PM
When the reason for rejection is either intimidation or lack of interest, the balance of probability favours the latter explanation. why would someone knock me off the list before they actually meet me? Eliminating candidates before meeting them bypasses the stressful, time consuming and often costly process of initiating, sustaining and ending a relationship with someone who may not be suitable. When you graduate from college and go to look for work, you will encounter the same dynamic with potential employers. I feel like a decent catch Once you finish your degree, take an MBA and pay attention to economics and marketing. Being a good catch only works to your advantage if you can convince people (preferably people who interest you) that you offer something that they want in a relationship on terms that they can accept. That's a whole other skill set than renting an apartment, working in a lab or going to school.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Do you agree with this? Posted: 9/16/2009 9:19:41 AM
The advice is generally sound, though of course, though there are exceptional circumstances in which it does not apply. In the general case, men will initiate contact with women they find attractive, they will be rejected most of the time, and they will continue to approach women until some women accepts their overtures, until they become discouraged and drop out of the dating pool, or death, whichever comes first. The woman's role is to assess the advances of would be suitors and to reject the undesirables. The problem arises when a woman's pool of suitors doesn't meet her expectations. She could go out and start approaching the men she wants; sometimes this works, but often, it is counterproductive, for the reasons stated in the OP quote, among others. A better bet would be to increase her attractiveness (e.g. revamp profile), or to focus her efforts at drawing out the right kind of men (e.g. go to specialized dating site). Another possibility could be that the right kind of guy is lost in the mass of unsuitable candidates, In this case, she either needs to segment her market and reduce the number of unsuitable offers, or she needs to deal with the overhead of rejection by being more rapid, decisive and brutal in her rejection. So ... agree, although women rarely initiate anyway, so it's not a big adjustment.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

When girls harass guys Posted: 9/15/2009 11:41:57 AM
Your son was lucky that there were witnesses; otherwise, he would have been severely and unmercifully punished. The law doesn't treat genders the same, and in a situation like this, her word will be believed over his. Talking to her parents won't help. They taught her this behaviour, they will side with her 100% and they are probably planning to sue you anyway. Keep precise notes on all of her bizarre antics. Record everything. Make sure that your son exercises extreme caution, and is never alone with her. You might also talk to a lawyer, and see what your options are. You might also have your lawyer talk to the school, to see what can be done. Does a guy have any recourse? He can avoid her, or her can surrender to her advances. Other than that, there's not much he can do, unless he can get enough evidence together to get a restraining order or a conviction.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Serious question... Posted: 9/15/2009 8:45:23 AM
how come I have never seen a face to face initiation of courtship happen in a respectful, direct, and polite manner Women routinely ignore polite attempts by men to engage them in conversation and reflexively dismiss men's invitations for friendly interaction. Only the most persistent and the most forward are able to catch a woman's attention, and even then, most will be rejected. Under these circumstances, some men adopt a prospecting mentality, approaching a large number of women with a quick, direct, attention grabbing sales pitches, and quickly moving on if there is no interest. I don't approve, of course, but women played their part in bringing about this situation. You are a young, attractive, intelligent woman. Ipso facto, you are being politely approached by dozens of men every day, probably more, and you are shutting them down without thinking about it, without any of these men or incidents entering your conscious mind. Or could it be that you don't want to be approached? Some women hang out with gay men to avoid being hit on. Maybe you need to reexamine some of your assumptions. Where do you imagine someone ought to look for a significant relationship? For what it's worth, my advice would be to take a look at people at work, in classes or clubs (not dance clubs, but hobby clubs, sports clubs, groups that do things you enjoy) and through introductions by friends and family.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Being Stood Up - twice in one night!! Posted: 9/14/2009 9:11:43 PM
Why do people play games? Because they think they can gain some kind of advantage. Is it hard for people to tell you how they feel? No, but they might think that being honest will get in the way of their cynical schemes. It is just one big joke? Yes. Sometimes you just have to shake your head and chuckle at the whole big mess that men and women make out of the search for love and happiness. How do you decide if it is all worth it? That's a personal decision. What do you want out of it, and what are you willing to put into it? Some people are not willing to put in a basic level of honesty and respect. You can either take a risk and get emotionally invested, or you can play it cool at first until you get a sense that the other person isn't a dud.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Anti Aging cream for men Posted: 9/14/2009 8:33:02 PM
Get some bag balm, the stuff used on cow udders. Apparently, Shania Twain used it, and look at her. The good thing about it is that if someone catches you buying it, you can just say it's for your cow, act like a farmer, and no questions asked. If you get caught with Oil of Olay (or Cosmo), you'll have some explaining to do, and saying it's for your 21 year old girlfriend just isn't going to fly.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Too Accomodating = Boring? Posted: 9/14/2009 11:32:54 AM
A man doesn't want to date a jellyfish. Better to have a woman with intelligence, drive and ambition, even if that results in the occasional scuffle, than someone who can't hold her own.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Do politics matter? Posted: 9/10/2009 11:26:55 PM
For me, uniformity of political views is not necessary in a relationship, as long as there is room for respectful discussions. There will be some agree-to-disagree topics that aren't brought up, except during major fights. Mind you, I enjoy political discussions and intelligent conversation for its own sake, even (perhaps especially) with people who have a different ideological perspective than mine. I also don't think an argument is necessarily a bad thing.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Silence service is ? Posted: 9/10/2009 11:15:32 PM
When he first offered to heat your meals, you had the option of refusing. By accepting his services, you effectively entered into a relationship with him, and a relation ship is a two way street. Each person has to contribute. If he helps you out with your lunch, it is only fair that you should return the favour.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

A man totally disappeared after the 1st date... Posted: 9/9/2009 8:05:11 AM
I don't like this guy really,but his behavior gave a feeling that I am not attactive From a guy's perspective, a woman who doesn't like him has very little appeal. The two of you went on a first date, it didn't work out, so further avenues were not pursued. Am I missing something?

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Is he just not into me? Posted: 9/9/2009 7:55:45 AM
My guess is that this guy did have genuine feelings for you. Then you broke up, so he tried to set those feelings aside. Then, out of the blue, you send him a book, and all of his emotional wounds get ripped open. When he calls you, he is honest that he still has feelings for you. However, after the call, he realizes that being together with you is just not going to work. He could call you up and explain why he isn't going to call you anymore, but that would be awkward and possibly make things worse. Was this a ploy to see if a booty call was available? Don't blame the victim. You sent him the book, so only you can answer this question. Were you hoping for a booty call?

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

am i just an idiot for going with my gut? Posted: 9/8/2009 7:26:09 AM
If this guy agreed to hang around like a puppie dog, waiting for the day that you would overcome your irrational attachment to your ex, then he would be a pretty sorry excuse for a man. His ultimatum is reasonable and a reflection of a mature and assertive personality. The first order of business is to get over your ex. The memory of him is emotional dead weight, and to the extent that it hinders your ability to make new emotional connections, it is a destructive influence. Second, don't date this guy. Depression, arrests and family fist fights are a bad sign. Your gut was probably telling you that he was bad news.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

do guys just like the idea of me? Posted: 9/8/2009 7:16:44 AM
The only way to know for certain is to get the honest observations of someone who sees how you act around single and attached men. You may be giving off subtle cues that discourage the former and embolden the latter. You might also examine your own mind and your own heart. If you have subconcious relationship preferences or perceptions that are embodied by many attached men, you might be gravitating toward them. Talk this over with your good friends. You might be surprised about their honest opinions on the matter.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Ambivalent and overcautious? Posted: 9/7/2009 11:28:33 PM
I found the problem. Your profile says, "Drop me a line if you would like to chat". Men tend to take this sort of invitation literally, and that's why they foolishly dropped you a line to, you know, chat. As for your question about men on POF having some wear and tear, it's probably true. Look closely and you'll see find a few nicks and scratches, but also the maturity and the wisdom that comes with experience. As for commitment, once you have been through a relationship or two, you still want commitment, but you may be a bit more careful before jumping into it.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Nice guy hasnt asked me out since second date Posted: 9/7/2009 6:36:31 PM
It is a bad sign that he hasn't asked you out, or at least provided some kind of explanation for his negligence. What should you do? First, accept the possibility that this guy was a player, and that he moved on after he got what he wanted. Second, the next time you are in touch with him, ask him something like "So, are you going to ask me out again?". After you get your answer, it's up to you. I think you may have to move on. Good luck.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Is it real or is it Memorex? Posted: 9/7/2009 6:30:58 PM
This guy doesn't really know what he wants. He's hot and he's cold, he's enthusiastic and he's dismissive. He also has a very poor grasp of what you are thinking, apparently projecting his own confusion by accusing you of being reluctant and disinterested. Finally, he withdraws in a rude and inconsiderate manner, suggesting that he is no longer interested in pursuing the relationship. He may be coping with personal problems, drug addiction or mental illness. I don't think you'll see him again.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT ???? Posted: 9/7/2009 6:15:57 PM
The answers provided on this forum are supposed to be frank. Many of the people who ask the questions need a wake up call, not because they are, in general, lame, but because they have lost their perspective. A roundabout, sugar coated answer wouldn't get through to them. Don't get offended by honest, well intentioned guidance. Putting aside sex,>>thats a given In the post feminist age, sex is anything but given. It is more often put aside. Is it important that your partner fulfill traditional gender roles? Traditional gender roles have gone the way of the dodo. No one expects that anymore. Would you like a woman who will work, cook, shop and keep house, take care of the kids, and be ready for intimate encounters at the end of the day? This sort of woman is called a single mother. When such a woman finds a man, the situation changes, in that he works, cooks, and keeps house. She shops, and taking care of the kids is a shared responsibility, especially if any are his. There are no intimate encounters, at least not within the relationship. Are you a man who just wants to maintain the cars, handle the finances, meet with your buddies for a drink at the sports bar or where-ever venue? That's what single men do, and it isn't bad. However, most men end up giving it all up to get married. One of the problems with asking for a catalog of requirements is that compatibility involves a lot of subtle, sub-conscious judgment calls that are difficult to list and quantify. When you find a woman you want, you feel it before you know it. But here are a few guidelines. I appreciate a woman who understands and enjoys some of the things that I do, who has fun when we get together, who understands commitment, and who is honest and trustworthy. Supportive is good and monogamy is nice, but I'm realistic.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

why won't he just leave me be? Posted: 9/3/2009 8:53:44 AM
Apparently, he thinks your past interest in him will deliver a convenient, low effort fling. Don't give him the satisfaction.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

one and the same man? Posted: 9/3/2009 8:49:22 AM
Bravo for taking a stand on plagiarism. People who can't be bothered to come up with an original profile don't deserve to date, and this is doubly true of people who liberally copy another person's profile without attribution. I wish there were more women like you.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

why do Posted: 9/2/2009 8:38:45 AM
Most men can get into a woman's pants, but few have the body to really look good. Men should really avoid wearing women's clothes in general, unless they have the figure for it. A good tailor can only do so much. As for getting intimate with a woman, in my experience, most men would like to, but only a small number assume that they can have any woman that they want. This small group of men, called players, are very good at obtaining gratification of their insatiable lust. There are many men who respect women and treat them like people with feelings and brains. They have many labels, including "friends", "nice guys", "cuckolds" and so on, but most often, they are nameless, because they are invisible to women, who are too busy putting out for players and chasing pretty boys. I hope this helps.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Guys, At What Point Do You Imagine This -? Posted: 9/1/2009 7:18:13 PM
I only imagine women naked if they are intelligent, honest and sincere, with a strong commitment to equality, peace, justice and compassion. Okay, so that's a lie. Any woman who is cute, beautiful, super hot or anything else is fair game for thoughts about what lies beneath her clothing. Some thoughts are fleeting, and quickly suppressed. For example, thoughts about a friend, a respected colleague, a melt in your mouth innocent woman or an unattractive woman would be quickly forced into the subconscious. As for ravishing women in my mind, I have rarely had this fantasy. I'm more for seduction and generally consensual acts with women, real or imagined.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Men like the chase? Posted: 8/31/2009 8:13:47 PM
Men like the chase, but the chase has nothing to do with your situation. Men like to pursue and win over women who challenge, tease, evade, maneuvre and intrigue. You just treated him like dirt. There's a big difference. He's not leaving you for your own good, he's leaving you for his own good. He sounds like a good man, and you hurt him. If you have any decency at all, let him go. Also, he's not testing you. Testing people is a foolish, childish game. I think he just doesn't want to be with you.

h0ldfast

Joined: 12/19/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Bootycalls Posted: 8/31/2009 8:05:35 PM
Women sometimes want to just get laid, but usually this only happens in science fiction novels, comic books and porno movies. More often, women demand ceremony, tribute and above all, sacrifice. Men would gladly stop all the elaborate masquerades of courtship if only women would allow it. After all, it is men who suffer for it. This isn't high school. It's sad to say, but life is high school. All the teenage crap is played out over and over again through out life, all the pettiness, the cliques, the games, the angst. There is no escape.

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