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wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Made my heart skip a beat Posted: 5/24/2009 3:03:03 AM
Oh yes, I say I collect lovers...some of my friends I made just that way, telling them how nice it was to see people in love. I miss that so much, I had it once. Seeing people in love that way helps me believe that the real thing CAN happen, and still might for me. I remember seeing a couple in their seventies sitting on a bench in a mall. They were holding hands and whispering to each other from time to time. I was going through a divorce and I just had to say how nice it was, seeing that. They told me they had been together almost 50 years. She had been in a bad relationship, bought a bus ticket to anywhere with what money she had left. When she got off the bus, he was the first man she saw. He asked her to lunch, they were married the next day and were still madly in love. I feel very lucky to have met them!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

Just not going there any more. Posted: 5/24/2009 2:48:36 AM
Wow, seems like when I was young, life was more complicated. All those zinging hormones confusing the issue. Just trying to get a good job and keep a roof over our heads...no, it was aways complicated. Starting over was never easy for me. I've had bad relationships too, seriously BAD. I can relate to staying unattached to keep from being hurt. But to never be open to falling in love again? I'm not expecting it, but I sure won't ignore it if it happens. Take my time, make sure things are what they seem to be, yes. Weigh the risk and issues, you bet. And if the guy is what he seems to be, well, I'm going to throw myself at him body and soul and adore him totally. And yes, I'll probably be scared. But, boy, I hope it happens. And yep, it would depend on the complications, a married guy would be right out of the question!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

WTF is this? Ladies I need your advise please. Posted: 5/24/2009 1:21:14 AM
She's telling you loud and clear she isn't ready for a relationship...listen to her, not your chemistry. We can be powerfully drawn to the wrong people. HUGE red flag, this woman wants a man back who abused her. People who want abusive relationships back are usually addicted to them. They may love being cuddled and safe temporarily, but without help they will be drawn back into an abusive relationship again and again. You've got a very confused lady there. And no, you can't rescue her. All the love and tenderness in the world can't fix a problem like that. Guys who stroke hair and give foot massages shouldn't go to waste. Keep looking.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

Men, Does It Disturb You If... Posted: 5/24/2009 12:59:26 AM
Love this thread. When I read the first post, all I could think of was butt crack showing and chewing toenails at all. Now I have a whole new list of things I don't like. Shorts on either sex that expose too much. Pepto Dismal Pink stretch pants on any but the very young. Always expect to see a curly pig tail coming out the back. Green teeth Anyone that says "Pull my finger" Baseball caps. Rarely attractive Comb overs. Don't even THINK about trying to hide it under a baseball cap. We still know. Same for those little pancake hats. Automatically think "bald spot" especially if you are driving a tiny spots car. Dreadlocks with weeds in them. Especially if the weeds are still growing. More than 25 studs...in the face. Guy had more metal in his face than there is in my car! After that one post, I also had to see if I was still flexible enough to chew my toenails, should I ever become insane enough to want to. I am. Learn something new every day. I too want to know why women pluck their eyebrows then draw them in. I've been wondering that ever since I was a child and was traumatized by a friend's grandmother. Especially when they draw them in a different color than their hair. Just creepy.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 71 (view)

Pesuading someone over 45 to do a background check on their SO Posted: 2/10/2009 7:14:52 AM
I managed to survive my sociopathic X but he sure did a great job of trashing my life, so yes, I will check anyone I get seriously interested in. I'd probably tell them I was going to and suggest they do the same to me. Altough he had never been arrested, there were things in his past that he had lied about that would have tipped me off that he wasn't quite the Mr. Good Guy persona he has polished up so very well. His sad tales of failing because of other people/issues would have shown up that he not only had no work ethic, but that he had no concern for paying for things he "bought". Even without the background check, listen to what they say, watch what they DO. If they don't match, you've got trouble. Out of state and pushing for marriage, sounds at the very least that things should be moving a lot slower for your friend. Anyone I get serious about is going to have to be willing to be honest with me. Mistakes made in his wild youth are one thing, mistakes made within the last 6 months are something else again!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Don't you wish you could BLOCK in real time? Posted: 12/18/2007 2:41:28 PM
Wow! I really don't need a block! But I have the same problem in my home town of being relatied to everyone, although none of my .... I was going to say close cousins have gone to prison, but he was only close in relationship. How quickly we forget! I'm taking notes here...used to be a guy, pervert, fists of fury.. But most of those only work on NEW people. The fists of fury would be good, but I'm obviously such a wimp!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 116 (view)

New Flirt... Gift Posted: 12/18/2007 2:26:36 AM
Oh thank god, when I saw that thing (the brunette) I thought I was hallucinating. It's so small and I kept thinking, naaaawwww, that's just toooo tacky! Evidently not. Thank goodness I didn't see the purse, I'd think I was blinded! You know, they really ought to have mouse-overs on these things. Like when the mouse goes over the brunette it says GIRL IN SEXY UNDERWEAR IN SUGGESTIVE POSE so we know where we are. I mean, I'd want an explanation for that purse too, if I'd seen it. I think the flirts are cute, I just got my first one, but yeah, lets not be sexist here. Girl in underwear, now we need some beefcake. By the looks of the profiles, plenty of guys here will volunteer. I find both ideas repulsive, but then, I don't have to send 'em! Ouch ouch, it hurts to laugh this much! I JUST went back to see if the purse is there, and now the brunette is a beer! OMG Brunette=beer! They've been watching too many commercials!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Internet friendships with pof members from overseas Posted: 12/16/2007 3:50:46 AM
Since I'm a night owl, it's easier for me to have friendships with people on the other side of the world. Problem is, I now know more people in Oz than I do here, I'm going to have to emmigrate! And I have a fantastic new friend from England. Actually, I can be a little more open with them, since I don't have to worry about them showing up and stalking me! I talk to a lot of Canadians too, but I consider them neighbors since they are right next door... Come to think of it, one of the reasons I joined POF over other sites was a profile from an Austrailan guy who I thought was really cool. He never answered, but by then I had other friends.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

Oh what a relief it is... Posted: 12/16/2007 3:31:28 AM
lol.. what a relief to not have to pretend I didnt see the condom wrapper under the bed That brought back a memory from a past relationship...not having to worry if the sock I just pulled out from under his bed was mine or my best friend's! Or wondering why it was taking them an hour to go pick up a bag of chips that was a ten minute drive!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 126 (view)

When you find out he's not who he says he is! Posted: 12/16/2007 3:09:57 AM
You are so welcome Kat. I checked out as perfect prey. There were a lot of bad things going on in my life, I definately fit into the "bit too nice", didn't even expect him to support himself. I was desperate to be loved, and boy, did he give me the illusion. I used to keep thinking, this is just too good to be real! Yep! I keep reading how dating sites are sociopath's feeding grounds, so when I read something like your story, I try to let people know it's real, it's out there, it happens all the time. I'm 99% sure one has already contacted me on POF. I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of flack about not being trusting enough, thinking all men are evil, all that. First, both sexes are sociopaths, so I would have to think everyone in the world is evil, which frankly, is just too tiring! And no, I'm not trusting any more. Anyone who can't share their background with me won't be with me. I'll share my background, spots and all. Kat, I think you did a wonderful job of sharing the information, much more than I could have done. And I bet you have saved some one some grief with that information!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Mind readers Posted: 12/16/2007 2:57:28 AM
Not wanting to hijack the thread, but it does fit under mind readers. What's with this expecting to get the perfect gift when you haven't given the other person clues? Especially with men, quite often they have no idea whether a sexy Victoria's Secret outfit is the perfect gift or will get them lambasted for being sexist. Me, I give loooong lists, from $1.00 on up. Why take chances? OK, back to the original thread. Just a private gripe when I hear a friend whining she wanted perfume and her husband gave her a skill saw.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

past regret:you know now you should never have let them go. Posted: 12/14/2007 3:22:38 PM
No regrets I let him go, but regrets he was an alcoholic so no way would it work. Still think of him from time to time, but wouldn't want to ever meet him again.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 72 (view)

what is the meaning behind this?? Posted: 12/14/2007 3:07:40 PM
If he wasn't interested, why would he be jealous?? It's called dog-in-the-manger. Some people don't give a damn about you, but boy, they don't want to see anyone else snooping around what they now consider "their property" So, OP, let's see if I've got this right. 1)You have now decided this guy is not worth your time and are actually getting annoyed by all this sudden attention, believing it to not exactly be sincere. 2) You are looking forward to dating someone else tonight. So as far as I can tell, the only real question left is how did the date with the other guy go Hmmmm?

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Men's Hands Posted: 12/14/2007 2:50:16 PM
Not a deal breaker, but just a nice added attraction! Pretty much Charlie's list only missing number 5. I don't like spatulate ends on the fingers either, for some reason. And this is very silly, but I just remembered a boyfriend's hands from more than 20 years ago. Didn't realize they made THAT big of an impression on me at the time. I like guys who have hands big enough to make mine feel small.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay Posted: 12/14/2007 2:38:25 PM
Well, I'm pretty open about how I feel, so I doubt any body dating me would need to lie. I suppose if I had any doubts that way, I'd bring the subject around to it gently, not rip someone apart. This all goes back to knowing who you are dating in the first place. Certainly shouldn't you know something about them before you are hopping in bed with them? Like, if they had AIDS? Which can be carried by perfectly straight people. If I had been in a long term relationship and found out my partner was cheating on me with either sex, I'd be pretty mad. And if you do ask them, what guarentee do you have that they won't lie?

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Mind readers Posted: 12/14/2007 2:06:57 PM
Happycritter, I could really use a skill saw, so if whoever you give it to doesn't appreciate it, send it my way please. Gotta go with those who say every situation is different, but I do like the "excuse touching" putting a hand on my back or shoulder. Besides, if they have sweaty nasty hands there you go, no chemistry! I'm from the era where the women did NOT make the moves, so it's hard retraining. If I've had fun, I'd love the guy to say, hey, this was great, let's do it again sometime. I guess if he didn't say it, but seemed to have a good time, I might ask if he wanted to get together again. (aaaagggh fear of rejection!) I've also had men say if I wanted to move the relationship to a different level, to let them know, the next move was mine and they didn't push it. I like that one because I have to figure out what I really feel about that person (if I don't know already) and maybe talk to them and get some miscommunications ironed out. He does have to be willing and able to talk about a relationship though. The "I dunno, whaddaever you want" doesn't cut it.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 123 (view)

When you find out he's not who he says he is! Posted: 12/14/2007 1:47:54 PM
So I have no answer for you - indedd I have the question, "What do you do when you find out she's not who she says she is"? For heavens sake, this is NOT a gender question. Granted, more women get killed or physically hurt, but there are black widows waiting out there for men too. Same rules apply. Check them out. See if there are red flags. After reading what some of the guys have posted women doing to them in public, I'd really want to do the best I could to make sure the person is sane first! Glad it didn't get physical, don't 'cha just hate fighting over someone you don't even WANT?

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

Oh what a relief it is... Posted: 12/12/2007 7:59:41 PM
the Batmobile had a harder time fitting into the batcave.... My husband's best friend kissed like that, I'd been warned so I always managed to dodge him. But I'm there in my reception line, and here he comes like a gigantic sucker fish! And after you have unstuck yourself from his tonsils you have to be polite and not say ewwww, yuuuuck, nasty! Certain other traits match too, our ex's would have made a wonderful couple.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Women who make the man the 'center of their world' Posted: 12/10/2007 2:07:24 AM
When I first met my ex I was out going, had lots of friends had my own life. Slowwwwly over a period of years, I just wasn't seeing them as much. Then we moved for his job, and I really didn't know any one and since he never liked going any where...bet you can see where this is going. Yes, he was totally the center of my world. Yes, it was SICK, SICK, SICK! But it happened over such a slow period of time and there were other things (I found out later he manipulated) that kept me isolated. Plus, we lived way out in the country, which is lovely, but no one visits. I still have trouble seeing how it happened. Guys used to critize me because I was "too independent" (What's with that anyway?") Even the X said at the begining of the relationship he was afraid I'd just change my mind and leave him. Oh, if I only had! The man in my life is always going to be A central part of my world, that's just how I am. But I'll never make the mistake of making him my whole world again. Bleah.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 207 (view)

the first date and he wont respect your pet Posted: 12/10/2007 1:52:46 AM
HA! CONTROL FREAK ALERT! Rude dude, kick 'm to the curb. They don't like my cats, they won't like me. We're a lot alike. Seriously, I work a lot with odd animals, it's not every one's cup of tea to be handed a wallaby to hold while I go warm up the bottle. I can't imagine any one who didn't like animals WANTING to date me. After my ex left and I let my big cat sleep with me again, I noticed while he IS a bedhog, he doesn't snore. He does hog the blankets though. Never cheats on me either.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

One more day.... Posted: 12/10/2007 1:40:28 AM
I'd like more than one too, but of the people in my life who have passed away, none left without knowing how much I loved them. So I would pick my Great Aunt. She died before I was born. She had a facinating life, ran away to join the circus, was a show girl, actresss, lots of things. My aunt looked so much like her I can't tell them apart in old pictures. But I have her letters and scrapbooks and what she really wanted was a family. She really loved children and animals, so I would like to spend some time with her and tell her how close I've always felt to her, even though we never got to meet. She had lovely auburn hair, well, she was beautiful, but I would like to tell her that there was another red head in the family after all. I guess I would like her to know she was loved, even though I never met her.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

Oh what a relief it is... Posted: 12/10/2007 12:57:11 AM
Point taken, I'll never try to start a light hearted thread again. It's just most of these threads turn so NASTY I was trying to do one that wasn't. As for those who have NOT been in an abusive relationship, please do not critize those who have. You have no idea how it happens, what that persons background is, anything. It's a rape of the spirit. There are many kinds of abuse, and not all physical, for male and female. You ever see a "hen pecked" husband? Sometimes their spouses hit too. But if they stand by her and try to help her, they are just considered good husbands. They are victims of abuse also, and sometimes even more trapped in their situation than a woman is, especially where stepchildren are concerned. If you think I'm saying this because I'm a survivor, you are right. My X was a sociopath, who had hidden himself very neatly for over a decade. I was very much in love with him and trusted him totally until the day he left me flat. Try wrapping your head around the fact your best friend and lover not only doesn't love you, but he's been slowly killing you. It ain't easy. I never liked Movies of the Week, and here I am in one. You want to email me, I'll be happy to tell you how I got in that situation. But I'm not going to put it on here. All I wanted to say with this thread is sometimes not matter how miserable you are, you realize there is something good happening also, and it surprises the heck out of you. Thought it might be fun to see what others came up with. So, do what you will with this thread. At least some us had fun with it. Some of us vented, but so long as it was about something they were glad to be out of, that's fine too. I still say no bashing the other sex in general. Some of the things my guy friends have told me were pretty darn funny. So it's up to you guys to abandon the thread or keep it going. I no longer take responsibility for it. Me, I'm going to go build a snow man out of the frost build-up in my freezer

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Oh what a relief it is... Posted: 12/7/2007 6:05:23 PM
CutieTx, I just found a video audition on-line that my ex did. I keep it on my favorites, and when ever I start to feel down or like I can't make it, I just watch a few seconds of that, and I'm all better again! My, he rolled downhill fast!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Why is there all these pervs? Posted: 12/7/2007 5:57:56 PM
Love, love, LOVE that block button! Yes, I do think there are more pervs of both sexes nowadays, or maybe we just see them more because we have the internet. Wonder why you see so many of them? Do a sex offenders search just for the area you are in. Scaaaaaryyyy. And just think, most of 'em have computers now, some even in prison. Nice. He goes to take you back to his place and it has bars on the door. Oh, and watch those people with the cute little ankle bracelets, those are NOT a fashion statement!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Oh what a relief it is... Posted: 12/7/2007 5:43:49 PM
OK, people, listen up. I'm the OP so I'm the one who knows what the thread was intended to be. The "oh woe is me" bit was overstated (it wasn't meant to be taken so seriously), but most of us have felt that way some time or another. But even when you are hurting, you start noticing these little freedoms, little tiny bits of relief. I just wanted this to be a light post about the things we are glad we ARE NOT missing anymore, OK? If you've never felt like your heart was broken, go away, you aren't going to understand this thread. Or stay and have a giggle, BUT DONT FIGHT. Play nice children. Here's another one for me. Three years after my first divorce, as a single mom, making my own way, I suddenly realized I could buy my own furniture. I didn't have to use my parents hand me downs and I didn't have to consult with anyone else on the color scheme (my daughter being too young at the time to care). It was a total revelation, like, Wow, I'm a big girl now! All the stress and problems I handled every day didn't make me feel like a grown up, the freedom to pick out my own furniture did.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Oh what a relief it is... Posted: 12/7/2007 3:40:27 PM
No more bad sex (which sometimes is worse than no sex.) Gotta disagree on this one. Bad sex is ALWAYS worse than no sex.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

If you suddenly became blind, how would your idea of the perfect mate change? Posted: 12/7/2007 6:14:53 AM
Well I'm the touchy feely type, so I'm not sure much would change. Except you no longer go to resteraunts with low table candles, they set the menu's on fire while you are all squinched up trying to read to your blind partner. Then someone else would have to do the squinching and driving, cool! I kinda like guys with big noses, so that would probably make the terrain even more interesting. One benefit long term for me would I would no longer worry so much about how I looked. If he said, "Honey, you look beautiful" I'd believe him!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

where it going Posted: 12/7/2007 6:05:22 AM
In your profile you say you are tired of being treated like dirt. Think about that for a minute. This guy doesn't seem to be making you feel secure and happy. Find out who he really is. Where he works, where he lives, ten to one his wife has no idea they are "separated". You need to know more about this guy.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 87 (view)

When you find out he's not who he says he is! Posted: 12/7/2007 5:48:43 AM
Thanks for posting all that Kat. I kind of think we need a warning sticky thread stuck somewhere on the forums. Especially since most people think it's only a male thing, and it can be either sex. He lived a lie almost perfectly for 14 1/2 years. By the end of that time I had no self worth, although he told me a dozen times a day he loved me, and I was so physically ill my doctor thought I had less than 6 months to live. My ex had control over all my medications (no, I don't know how that happened. It's like a glacier, you don't see it move but you get crushed anyway) and was tampering with them, plus adding others, all the while snarfing down my pain pills, which I don't take often because, ironically, I'm afraid of getting addicted! He began acting so weird I thought he was either physically ill or having a mid-life crisis. I told him I was going to go back to taking care of my own medications. Two days later he was gone. Poof! Four days after I'd been handling my own meds, my daughter looked at me and told me I'd looked better than I had for years. As time went on we found more and more out about him. He has this Mr. Nice Guy image to keep up, that and control. He targets women who have health problems and then plays "oh so wonderful husband" and we are sooo grateful for him standing by us, and taking over the bills and...before you know it there is no you left. People still won't believe he is what he is, he spread horrible lies about me. Well, I wouldn't have believed it either, I was totally, madly in love with him until the day he dropped me. He sat there and told me lies...stupid ones, that this was just a trial separation...and something switched off. After you see the slug under the pretty shell, you can never go back! There is a good site called LoveFraud, sponsored by some ladies who got caught by these guys, the case histories are facinating.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Oh what a relief it is... Posted: 12/7/2007 5:26:07 AM
It is sad and sickening to think that people are so dependent on someone else to a point where they can`t function without them,this isn`t Love. Your quite right, it isn't love. And I was married to the same guy as the others, only mine was polite. And murderous. But that wasn't the intent of the thread, I just put all that stuff up there because that's how we feel when we get dumped, also there are a few song lyrics in there. Generic break-up blues. My child is an adult. It didn't hurt her any less to suddenly be dumped by a man who she'd been calling Dad for 14 years. He dumped her too. I was just trying to come up with some fun stuff we suddenly realize we don't have to put up with, like snoring. Pantyhose always dripping on the bathrooom floor. Lying about the vacuum cleaner being broken. Let's hear some good stuff!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Oh what a relief it is... Posted: 12/7/2007 2:10:00 AM
Alright, you're laying there on the floor in tiny broken pieces, your life as you know it has ended, it will never be the same, the sun won't shine any more, the birds won't sing...all that. But somewhere along the point there comes a sneaking little relief about something you will no longer have to put up with. It can be tiny or large, and it might not make you feel a bit better, it might not have been even something you realized had been bothering you. But there is always SOMETHING. My first one, in between the sobbing and hiccupping on my poor daughter's shoulder, was to realize I WAS FINISHING A SENTENCE! THERE! I FINISHED ANOTHER ONE! In 14 years I had rarely been able to finish a sentence without being interupted. My next revelation came a bit later when I realized I no longer had to pretend I believed all those stupid little lies he was telling me. I hadn't even known they were bothering me that much. OK, those are mine, let's hear yours.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

WTF this is a great time for her to break it off!!!! Posted: 12/7/2007 1:41:31 AM
It's not you, it's not gender specific. Most break ups occur during the holiday season. My ex walked out on me right before Thanksgiving. WooHoo, Merry Christmas and all that. Actually I've heard more stories about women being dumped then than men, these forums at least give me the other side. Not only the most suicides occur during this season, more terminally ill and old people do to. Just thought I'd mention that... My daughter's boyfriend has a therory. He says guys like to propose during a holiday, because if the relationship ends badly, it will ruin that holiday for her forever! And here I thought it was just because it was so they could remember it easier and save on gifts. What a rat, to walk out on you when the children are involved! Seems like so many people I read about on here use their children as pawns in the dating game.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 85 (view)

When you find out he's not who he says he is! Posted: 12/7/2007 1:14:41 AM
As SOON as you start really getting interested in a guy, run a background check on him, like you did afterwards. It helps if you know if they are actually who they say they are before you even meet them. Pathological liar test, do a search for Sociopath. There are guidelines and warning signs. I was talking to a guy who from the first letter I was pretty sure was a liar and probably abusive. I refused to give him any personal information...I was married to a sociopath, I DID learn something...and pretty soon he was doing all that running down business saying "I'm just blunt and honest, that's just my way." Which means I get to bully you and be rude to you and you aren't supposed to say anything because I'm being honest. Sure enough, within a week he was calling me names because I had triggered him ( made it clear I wasn't falling for it) He started out looking really good on paper and all romantic and lovey dovey, maybe before I might have bought it. Now red flags go up. I'm not saying all liars are sociopaths, but all sociopaths are liars, so it's a pretty good guide.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

something new.... Posted: 12/7/2007 12:27:25 AM
"If they dump you once, they'll dump you again" My ex sister-in-law, referring to her brother. Seems to be true too. They start nosing around again because you are getting attention and starting to god-forbid get over him. Once they prove they can get you back, it's buh-bye again. Also, old boyfriends, even if they were bad boyfriends are familiar, and we tend to choose the familiar over a new challenge. Give the new guy a chance but keep the old one out of your life. Take it slow, make sure you aren't on the rebound, but have fun. Maybe you shouldn't be talking to your ex so much, and you would get over him faster.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 111 (view)

Have you ever clicked on a profile, only to find.... Posted: 12/6/2007 12:01:14 PM
Mine's on another site, with a video. Boy, did that give me closure! Yuck! Ewwww! Also his bio was just hysterically funny when you know the truth. I actually have it on my favorites, when I have a down day I look at him and think, at least I'm out of THAT! It honestly is inspiring, he tried to ruin my life and I look at him and think, "No way baby!" and I'm ready to go again.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Don't you wish you could BLOCK in real time? Posted: 12/6/2007 11:15:45 AM
Random, I was thinking more about the kind where you can't just get up and walk out. And all the stalkers and nutcases that keep calling you forever after you've told them not to (no call blocking back then) I was just thinking how nice it was I didn't have to listen to this kook in real life, because he honestly sounded rather dangerous. He was one of those who kept saying, "I'm just blunt and honest" which means "I get to be as rude as I want to be." As soon as I hear that phrase I think, hoo boy, another egomaniac who hasn't figured out why he's so unpopular. People who are proud of their faults. Yeah, real winners there. Therapy IS available!. ladydi8, if you came from the same neck of the woods I did, we'd be related. My family homesteaded the area, as a child EVERYONE was related, at least by marriage. We need us a little redneck smiley! My friend said she's a redneck, meaning she's a old fashioned country girl. I told her she couldn't possibly be because she wasn't related to herself ten times over, and had beyond a third grade education. There is red necks (GOBs) and there is REDNECKS! I have a redneck a day joke on my computer. You might be a Redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

Does a dying person still deserve love? Posted: 12/6/2007 10:58:39 AM
Sweet November: I always thought she was a little selfish not letting him choose whether he wanted to be with her or not. Plus, she didn't want them to see her all yucky at the end, no real nobility in that. Yes, when my daughter was dating someone who would have a shorter life span, I had concerns. Mostly how we were going to keep life on an even keel after he was gone. There was no question of whether or not she should love/marry him. They split, but not over that. His three year old daughter died abruptly, and he went back to her mother. His child's death had nothing to do with his health. There was no indication that little girl wasn't going to live a long and healthy life, she "should" have out-lived her father. You HOPE you will be there for your kids. You hope you can watch them graduate, marry, have children of your own. Then compare that to the sadness and pain that everyone involved with you may experience. If you are looking for guarantees, you need to grow up. EVERYONE who falls in love risks the chance of being hurt. EVERYONE who has a child now has a hostage to fate. So, do you hide in a corner, or give someone the chance, however long, to have a wonderful loving exprience, no matter how long or short. You can not live other people's lives for them. You don't have that right. If someone falls in love with you and knows the score, it is their right to choose to be with you or not. If you want to hide in a cave, that's your decision. But I would remember that there are a heck of lot of people walking around out there there were given no chance to live by the medical community. My father lived 30 years past his 6 month limit, and died from something else. A friend's sister was given less than a month to live after her birth. Then she was given 6 months. Then maybe a year. Of course she would never walk and she would be blind. Last time I saw her she was walking, talking, seeing and 20 years old.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Would you date a cancer survivor Posted: 12/5/2007 12:25:18 PM
Yes I would date a survivor, yes I would want to know as soon as things started looking serious. Because we would have to plan for what would happen if we both got sick at the same time. Who do we call to feed the cats and water the plants? Can we get adjoining beds? Practical stuff like that. I'm not a cancer survivor, unless you consider watching my dad slowly and painfully die over a number of years. There is cancer on both sides of my family. There is no guarentee I won't get it, so how can I possibly worry about someone who's already survived once getting it again? I already know that person is tough and can hang on. Besides, if I do get it, they will probably know how to be more sympathetic and less likely to run.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Does a dying person still deserve love? Posted: 12/5/2007 12:07:53 PM
Are you saying this person is going to live perhaps for maybe less than 30 years? First of all, what does age have to do with it? I KNOW I'm not going to live for another 30 years, but I'm still capable of giving and receiving love. We are all dying, some of us just have a better idea when. In a 10 year gap fantastic things have been discovered and invented. I'd tell the other person as soon as the relationship looks like it's getting serious. Some people can't handle it, some can and just use the time wisely. If the other person can't handle it, it's better to know right away. It hurts more when you've learned to trust someone and believe they will be there for you and they walk out. A couple discovered from their blood tests for their wedding (they still had them back then) that her soon to be husband had a rare condition and six months to live, on the outside. They married anyway and she said she will always have had that time with someone she loved, and what a shame it would have been to have missed it. AND YES, OF COURSE A DYING PERSON DESERVES LOVE! And hopefully more support than the rest of us who simply don't know if we will be hit by a bus tommorow.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Don't you wish you could BLOCK in real time? Posted: 12/5/2007 11:42:34 AM
I grew up with rednecks too, they aren't just in the south! The kind that says "I'm ignerent an' proud of it!" (in my hometown, this little smiley would actually be lying down by now. They don't stay vertical for very long.) I LOVE the island idea, especially the filming. Look how well "I'm Stupid" shows go over!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

Please help me bang my head on the wall more!! Posted: 12/5/2007 4:02:40 AM
Two months. Almost anyone can be sweet for two months, if they really want to. You tell him to slow down. He tells you that you are just scared and that you are the ONE for him, he just knows it. How about you knowing it? So, ask yourself, is it nosehairs that are really bothering you? Or just a feeling something is wrong and you don't know what, so you are noticing some rather obvious hygenic flaws. And then you are beating yourself up for that. He's pushing you. If he loves you, he'll back off. If he won't, that's fool's gold he's giving you. I think if you were honestly so shallow, you wouldn't feel so bad about noticing his rough spots.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

We're Friends, No More No Less, just Friends, On my part anyway. Posted: 12/5/2007 3:41:18 AM
yes I have had a male friend say "I'd do you"..... I honestly think to most guys, when that say that to you, they believe it is a compliment. It doesn't mean they will act on it but its put out there in case you are feeling lonely one night LOL. I've always had male friends that were just friends, that we were clear from the very start that that was what the relationship was going to be. At one time or another, most of them let me know if I ever wanted to be more than friends to let them know...even a couple of my gay friends! Really, I do think some guys just hand it out as a compliment...not that they wouldn't like to act on it...but they don't expect it. Sometimes when you are going through emotional crisis it's difficult to separate out different kinds of love. Especially for men, who usually aren't taught how to deal with emotions, period. This guy obviously loves you, if just as a friend. You love him, right? So, maybe he was giving you an opening, which you didn't take. You don't need to go any further with it, if he's not pushing it. Sounds like neither one of you is ready. What's the hurry? That said, do hang on to this guy at least as a friend. Any guy who will hold your hair back and deal with snot is a friend worth keeping! And good for you for having a male best friend. My best friend died some years back and left a huge hole in my life. When my relationship broke up, my first instinct was to run to him, but for the first time he wasn't there. I think not having his emotional support was almost as bad as the relationship ending so badly.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Don't you wish you could BLOCK in real time? Posted: 12/5/2007 2:52:16 AM
Do you have a patent on that? Can I buy one? No, wait, a whole bunch, think what GREAT Christmas presents they would make! Most of us couldn't hear our bosses, mother or father-in-laws, and ex partners in relationships. Cool!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

working nights Posted: 12/5/2007 2:46:59 AM
I find myself with a lot of friends in Austraila. Sadly, I'm in the Pac. NW because I would really like to meet some of these fellas! I keep thinking if I'd be on the right schedule down there. Here however, all I can say is what others have said, if you find someone who really wants to be with you, it works. I haven't a clue how to meet them however, which is why I'm on the internet at 2:42 am! I also have to agree with the people who say don't let the other person bully you into feeling bad about your schedule. The attitudes can get pretty tiring. I can't understand why so many people seem to think working in daylight hours makes you a better person. We have electricity now, but I don't think they have noticed!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Touchy subject: Dating someone who's been raped/molested Posted: 12/5/2007 2:31:25 AM
These people should not be dating until they have,fully Healed and moved on from such a horrible thing ..until then I think they should just be friends.... Glad to see someone else reacted to that the same way I did. Sometimes things are done that you are NEVER going to fully heal from, but that doesn't mean you can't move on, as his girlfriend seems trying to do. CorpusDelicti is right, sometimes 20 years later something can unexpectedly trigger a reaction. I'm a survivor of both. As others have said, I know few women who haven't been sexually abused in one way or another. Sexually abused children often are raped later in life. OP, I so agree with the poster who said her boyfriend said he would take it slow, and stop any time she got uncomfortable. I had one long-term relationship who was very understanding that way, and we had signals that meant I was getting a bit freaked. It went a long way towards healing, knowing that someone accepted me and was not going to hurt me. She really needs to be in therapy if she hasn't, and not just talking to you. You also might find out if there if there is a suvivor's partners group that would help you understand the situation. I think she is a very lucky lady in finding someone like you who cares.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Don't you wish you could BLOCK in real time? Posted: 12/5/2007 2:18:01 AM
Having had to block another lunatic ("How could you tell?" "I think the straight jacket was the first clue, he tried to pass it off as casual summer wear, but I wasn't buying it...") I was thinking how nice it would have been in my yearlier years when I was dating if I'd had a little button I could push, and that person could be blocked. Some guys (and gals) seem to think it's fine to say things that if said in public would probably get them tossed out of the place. This within the first email or two, they don't care if you are intersted or not. Just think how wonderful it would be. A sloppy drunk comes up and starts drooling all over you and BLOCK! magically, he/she can't communicate with you again. Don't you wish you could BLOCK the obnoxious neighbor dog that never shuts up? Or, as in the current case, the person who throws a temper tantrum because you repeat what you've said all along, you are not interested in sex with him. No repeated phone calls to be avoided, no listening to whining apologies, obcenities or threats or insults, just BLOCK! I see now why internet dating is so popular. It has it's dangers but it's still MUCH safer, if you watch what you are doing.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

looking ahead sexually Posted: 11/23/2007 5:20:04 AM
OK, I'm confused here. gpb 1953's article... - Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you. - Set timer for 10 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. - Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF! - Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin. - Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember. - Keep extra Polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed. - Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act. - Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too. - If it works, call everyone you know with the good news. - Don't even think about trying it twice. First it tells you to put on your glasses. Then it tells you to turn off ALL the lights. THEN it tells you to write your partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember. Soooo, with your trifocals on in the dark you are going to read a name off your hand while having sex. Let's simplfy this. 1st, make sure your partner is in the bed, and that it is the partner you actually want to make love to (as opposed to say...the dog or that extra pillow) Take off the glasses. Turn off the light. Call your lover a pet name instead of his/her real name, something like "honey" or as my ex used to say "darlin'". (WARNING: This may backfire as your partner might catch on you don't really remember/know their name.) Use extreme care with the Polygrip. I'm sure your imagination can supply the reasons why. Do NOT keep it anywhere near the lubricating jelly. In fact, I sugest painting one of them in glow in the dark paint, just to make sure. I disagree about thinking about it twice. I think you should think about it two or maybe even three times. Just don't TRY it!

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 188 (view)

Is this as twisted as I think it is? Or just spectacularly funny! Posted: 11/6/2007 11:41:00 PM
Ooo, great ideas! California raisin ahahahahahaha! Ooooo, Santa baby.....

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Life in Salem... Posted: 11/6/2007 11:34:05 PM
RainyNytes, if your sister comes up with any more places, email me too please! I've got the same lifestyle! I wouldn't mind the smoke so much if I could find a good place to go dancing. So far Northern Lights is my favorite. There's all the flower festivals in spring, but it's not a date thing. I have yet to go on a date in Salem, but there must be something, mustn't there? People do get married here, so they must meet somehow. Unless they all met at church or high school.

wildflowerkitten

Joined: 1/1/2007

Msg: 185 (view)

Is this as twisted as I think it is? Or just spectacularly funny! Posted: 11/6/2007 10:04:16 PM
Well, rats, I was really looking forward to that calendar! Whiteroses, maybe it did feed his sick ego, but I think the point was more that WE had a really good time coming up with responses. Personally, I don't care about him one way or another. Soooo, since this thread may be coming to an end (darn it) I'm going to share this joke with you. It's for all the guys complaining they can't get any. I got it out of a Spider Robinson book. Her boyfriend wears shorts in the shower so he doesn't look down on the unemployed. Gee, I was really hoping this would help my Photoshopping career! I gotta admit, it would be a change from just removing someone's ex from the family photos, or "airbrushing" zits from portraits. Hmmm, maybe I could get a side Photoshopping dikk pics so they look more impressive before they get sent out over the airwaves, whaddaya think? Like, those weren't really quarters on that pic, they were dimes! Everyone complains about how phony the pics are on this site!

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