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Author
Thread: Is chemistry age-related?
sailaria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
59 (
view
)
Is chemistry age-related?
Posted:
6/5/2008 5:07:53 AM
There are times, when a lack of chemistry isn't because of the other person, but of ourselves. Doubts, fears and hesitations can intrude when we aren't really sure what we want, keeping us from being open to the other person's attractiveness (as a person, not just looks). Or we may set unreasonable conditions and limitations, as well as expectations that can only be fullfilled in fantasy. And sometimes, a lack of chemistry is simply another form of risk aversion.
The heart must be open, to be filled.
John
sailaria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
29 (
view
)
Is chemistry age-related?
Posted:
6/4/2008 6:29:53 AM
Excuse me OP, but am I reading you right? Did you just say you'd rather be alone, than take a chance on some "nice guy" who doesn't make you want to rip his clothes off the first time you see him? That without lust, there is no love?
I ask because that sounds like what you're saying.
I've met a couple of women in my life who I felt no overwhelming physical attraction to, but as I got to know them, and grew to value their other qualities, they became increasingly more attractive to me. And even though things didn't work out in the long run with either of them, we were able to part as friends. Had I not gone ahead and read the book, instead of just looking at the cover, I would have missed out on knowing two warm and loving people. Oh yeah, and some great sex as well
John
sailaria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
19 (
view
)
Is chemistry age-related?
Posted:
6/3/2008 5:37:22 PM
I think that as we get older, we come to realize that lust at first sight is a lot more prevelant than love at first sight. For myself I look to come away from a meeting with someone, feeling two things. Did I feel comfortable around the person, and was there anything about them that was intriguing. Any "chemistry" I might feel, is just icing on the cake. And despite what many say, I think chemistry is primarily, if not wholly, a physical thing. So, to me, it all depends on what you're looking for that determines the part chemistry plays.
But then, since sex isn't my first priority, I guess I'm a bit biased about chemistry. Fireworks may excite you, but a well tended steady burning fire will keep you warm, and sooner or later, a log will fall and send up a shower of "sparks".
John
sailaria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
94 (
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)
Brain vs Heart
Posted:
6/1/2008 6:29:58 PM
Love, is not exactly a rational state of being. One doesn't simply decide to "be in love", ie: a rational decision. One accepts the feelings one has for another, intuiatively. What makes it difficult, is that too often, people mistake lust, infatuation, or dependence for love. All three of which, generally lead down the wrong path.
If you're main interest is in avoiding pain, follow your brain. The only way you'll ever have a chance to find all you seek and wish for though, is to follow your heart.
sailaria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
92 (
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)
Single and getting too used to it?
Posted:
5/20/2008 3:40:01 AM
This is from an article I wrote for a sailing magazine, so while it's specfic to cruising on a boat, the points are the same for other things as well.
It seems so obvious, yet, for most, cruising is a long held dream. One that brooks no interference, nor roadblocks, to making it a reality. And so, many, just as myself, head out alone, without realizing they have overlooked the one thing that makes the voyage, not only easier, but fuller, in a way no amount of gadgets and preperation can. That the quiet companionship of a meal aboard, in that serene anchorage you stumbled upon, can never be replaced by the noisy clamor of yet another TIki Bar, or touristy Cafe. That there's no substitute for sharing goofy grins at the end of a long and ardorous day, that come from working together, to make it through.
It isn't about having someone else to take the helm, or be a galley slave. It's not about having another pair of hands whle docking or anchoring, or another pair of eyes to pick out those markers. And, it isn't even really about having someone to snuggle up to at night. As helpful, practical, and desirable as those are, it's the sharing and companionship that come from two persons working in rhythm and harmony to conclude another successful passage, that make it the most important part of the voyage.
We all need our moments of solitude, and I can't think of much that is easier to undertake alone, than cruising. But before you head out there solo, don't forget, cruisng really is for couples, or you miss out on the best part of it.
As with anything, being single has it's advantages and disadvantages, and one of the biggest advantages to being single is, you aren't vulnerable to being hurt by another. A life without risk though, to me, is just a comfortable way of drowning.
sailaria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
1 (
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)
Chemistry ?
Posted:
5/19/2008 8:52:08 AM
I'm curious about what people actually think chemistry is. My experiences tell me it is really nothing more than a polite way of saying physical attraction, AFTER, talking about how it's the person that is important, not the wrapping.
It also seems to me, it isn't something that just happens, but is something that a person has to be open to. Especially, if they are looking for anything long term.
My curiousity arises because I have known women for whom I didn't feel that "immediate" attraction, but found one growing as I got to know them better. For whatever reason (shyness, tension, stress, etc.) they didn't make a good first impression. So I guess a second question would be, is a first impression all you give to someone?
There's not what I consider a right or wrong answer, I'm just curious about other's take on the subject.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
45 (
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Check out the guys you meet!
Posted:
3/4/2007 6:14:19 AM
I've always been skeptical of ANY authority that tries to tell me what to think or do. It just seems that now, it's filtered down to everyday life as well.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
43 (
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Check out the guys you meet!
Posted:
3/4/2007 3:37:06 AM
Something about this thread had been nagging at the back of my mind, and I finally realized what it is. It's further evidence of the disappearing sense of trust in our society, that I grew up with, and still live by. It assumes a negative, until proven otherwise, whereas, I assume a positive, until given a reason to change my opinion.
It's not that I can't or don't understand why so many would feel it's necessary to do it. And I certainly don't fault anyone who does. It just makes me a bit sad that things have come to this kind of a point.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
107 (
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hillary clinton for president.
Posted:
3/2/2007 4:05:46 PM
But Hillary is a principled politican. She is unwavering to her principles. Unfortunately, her principles are Hillary being President. Anything called taking a stand is subject to poll results only and should not be confused with actually believing in what she says. I wonder, if a person never tells the truth, can they still lie?
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
12 (
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Check out the guys you meet!
Posted:
3/2/2007 7:44:05 AM
The only problem I see with doing background checks on people is that all you really have is a single fact, without really knowing the circumstances behind it. Granted, as in the OP's example, this was obviously someone with a pattern of criminal behavior. But, to base judgement solely on a background check that doesn't show any pattern of criminal behavior, is not really fair to a person who may have made a mistake, and has learned from it. As one of many tools, it's fine, but a clean background isn't any guarntee of anything either.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
99 (
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hillary clinton for president.
Posted:
3/2/2007 7:33:52 AM
Yes, Rudy is running, and can run. Actually, it's too bad we can't take the best of several people to get one good person, but such is life.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
62 (
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hillary clinton for president.
Posted:
2/28/2007 4:22:50 PM
As I said daniel, you are certainly entitled to your opinions. You write, I read, and then I make a judgement based on the words you use and how you use them. The only thing I have impugned to you is that you have the liberal/left wing talking points down pat. Not that you are one.
Iraqi casualities? Far more by the terrorists and their targeting of civilans than by the hand of the US.
--------------
Mexico? I think it would be better to wait for Castro to croak and go to Cuba. If she does get the nomination, and then win the election, will they supend the intern program?
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
56 (
view
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hillary clinton for president.
Posted:
2/28/2007 3:47:13 PM
So then daniel, using the german word uber is simply a matter of speech for you? As to the casualty reports, those are guesstimates, based on unscientific methodology. As I said before, you're welcome to your opinions, just don't try to state them as facts.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
52 (
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hillary clinton for president.
Posted:
2/28/2007 3:18:56 PM
Tens of thousands killed by the US? Care to give a factual reference for that as well? That's as in fact, not guesses.
I didn't say anything about conventional weapons, I asked for the factual reference to your statement the US supplied Israel with nuclear weapons. It's common knowledge that we supply them with conventional weapons.
And could you inform us how you are privy to what the Iraqi people think? Is it ESP, or just NYT?
Sly use of the Nazi slur as well. Yep, you have all the talking points down to a Tee.
Oops, me bad, I forgot, I'm not suppose to ask you to actually prove any of your assertions, just accept them as true.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
50 (
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)
hillary clinton for president.
Posted:
2/28/2007 2:32:31 PM
I was going to leave this, but I wonder if by giving up liberties you mean things like being forced to wear seatbelts, or having speed limits, or age limiits, or, or, or. Well, they serve a public good you might say..... we are constantly giving up liberties, so why not quit flogging that dead horse. And that doesn't even include the "laws" passed by judges that came from novel and estortic interpetations of the Constitution.
I would though, like to see the factual reference to the US supplying Israel with nuclear weapons though.
And as to al-Quida and other terrorist groups not being a threat, try telling that to the people they have slaughtered and tortured. To say democracy can't work in the Middle East is a gross misrepresentation. 10 years ago, yes, that may have been true, but as was shown in the fall of the Communist Bloc in Eastern Europe, once people see there is another way, they can and will change. And that is what has happened in the Middle East. The myriad forms of mass communication that have finally worked there way into those societies, is showing them this. They went to the polls and voted for change, and more than once. And they did show despite threats of, and actual, violence.
Your analogy to the Empire builders of the past, is also not apropos, because they came to conquer, not liberate.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
46 (
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hillary clinton for president.
Posted:
2/28/2007 11:37:22 AM
This is not the place for an indepth discussion of politics, so I'm not going to continue it. Suffice to say, you're entitled to your views as well as is anyone else. Your opinions are just that though, opinions, not facts.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
42 (
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hillary clinton for president.
Posted:
2/28/2007 10:28:15 AM
Sorry daniel5799, I don't even own a TV, nor listen to any news by choice on the radio. No, I get mine the old fashioned way, I read it. But, I don't just read those who agree with me, I read those who don't as well. Then I make up my own mind, based on as much fact as I can find, tempered by my gut instincts. So I'm not some windup doll that goes out and blathers the "cause" of the day, or the "phrase" of the week.
You can incoherently bash Bush all you choose, that's certainly your privilege. And personally, there's a lot he's done that I'm not happy with domestically, BUT, I am darn well glad he won over Gore or Kerry. Hillary? She's just a carpetbagging politically junkie who only cares about Hillary. If you recall, she told the people of New York that she wanted to be their Senator, not President. I'm sure though that that Lie is okay.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
6 (
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Is This a New Fashion Statement or .....?
Posted:
2/28/2007 4:35:02 AM
I too have known someone with different colored eyes, again, one brown, one blue. So yes, it could be normal. But then, considering all the things people do now days, who knows.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
35 (
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hillary clinton for president.
Posted:
2/28/2007 2:15:18 AM
[quote=daniel5799]People mired in ignorance and ideology dont listen anyway. Its more therapy for me than it is trying to make a point that falls on deaf ears. So consider it LAME if you like, I think the modern republican party is LAME! They are intolerant, greedy, selfish, or they are so brainwashed with fundamentalist religion... they hate everyone. If you can document one good thing the republican party has done for this country (other than Teddy Roosevelt), I will listen.
I guess you view your post as tolerant, reasonable, non-idealogical, and an intellectual masterpiece. I also assume, to your way of thinking, that Linclon didn't do much for the country. Or Eisenhower (Interstate Highway System), or Regan (Freedom for Eastern Europe). I must admit though, you certainly have the liberal talking points down well. But then, all good sheep know how to go "baaaaa".
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
52 (
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I'm beer, she's champagne... social mismatch?
Posted:
2/27/2007 8:19:24 AM
What activity does anyone do, where you couldn't drink beer, or champagne? It's all a matter of perception. It's not a social mismatch, it's an attitude mismatch.
I don't have to wear a tuxedo and sip champagne to enjoy listening to Bach, nor do I need to wear jeans and t-shirt and guzzle beer to listen to George Strait. If what you desire in life isn't honest, then it doesn't matter which side of the coin you're on.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
42 (
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I'm beer, she's champagne... social mismatch?
Posted:
2/27/2007 3:13:38 AM
Doesn't it really depend on why you define yourself one or the other? It seems like just another box to put yourself in. Another label to attach on your life. It seems to me, it's better to just be the yourself as best you can, and not worry about whether you "fit in" with any particular crowd.
How many people do "cultural" things, not because they really enjoy them, but to fit a type? Far better, in my mind, to find things you enjoy doing, and not worry about what anyone thinks about it. Define yourself, don't let yourself be defined.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
90 (
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what happened to that thing called ROMANCE?
Posted:
2/26/2007 6:08:05 PM
Sexual liberation, instant gratification, feminism, ad nauseum. There's lot's of sociological reasons you could cite, but it really comes down to .... most don't seem to bother any more.
Some use it like bait, other's find being gentlemanly and polite condenscending, and some just don't have clue. It's a rush rush world and a lot of people just don't take the time, or make the effort.
If you believe in it though, all you can do is just keep doing it. Make it a part of who you are.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
201 (
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Long hair on older women
Posted:
2/25/2007 5:46:30 AM
While I like long hair on a woman, there are certainly some who look better with shorter hair. At this point in life, I wouldn't expect anyone to fit their appearance to my tastes rather than their own. I think one of the hardest lessons to learn, is to let people be who they are, and not who we want, or imagine them to be. We all, I think, have our fantasy image of what we find attractive and are drawn to those who approximate it, but I do believe that if we really love someone truely, they grow more beautiful to us as the bond strenghtens.
So I'd have to say, ladies, wear your hair, and everything else about your appearance in a way that makes you feel good.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
44 (
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Foul language and the over 40 age group
Posted:
2/24/2007 1:04:14 AM
The language we use, like all else in life, is a choice we make. To say our enviorment or upbringing, or anything else means we have no choices is a cop-out. Using profanity, I think, only appeals to others who do so. It doesn't make you more "real", or "on the cutting edge", or "pushing the envelope". It doesn't make you "hip" or "cool", or "bad". It does though, leave an impression on other people. For myself, it's not one I choose to leave.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
82 (
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T-shirts you'd like to see
Posted:
2/23/2007 5:15:29 PM
Let's see......
If I'm in my happy place,
How come you're here?
I used to be paranoid,
Till I learned I was schizophrenic.
I may not be good for ya,
But I sure will be good to ya.
Enviormental plates on a SUV,
Are like a PETA button on a fur coat.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
185 (
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Honest Liars?
Posted:
2/23/2007 1:05:39 AM
Certainly is a lot of verbiage for what appears, from the wording of the original post, to be nothing more than a surreptitious request for a profile review. The premise of the topic is simply, why are people self-delusional. Yet, the question was posed in such a way as to ellict comments on the OP's profile. So, while it may appear to have gone "off topic", that isn't necessarily the case. There would be no cause to discuss the profile, had it not been used to justify the question of the topic.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
44 (
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)
Self Love
Posted:
2/22/2007 10:04:56 AM
1.) That I'm living my dream.
2.) That I've learned the difference between a dream and a fantasy.
3.) That people seem to like me, and I don't know why. And don't worry about it.
4.) That I look for positives instead of negatives.
5.) That I have good health (thank you Mom and Dad)
6.) That I'd rather help, than be helped.
7.) That I've learned that sometimes you have to ask for help.
8.) That it's still possible to trust.
9.) That I try to be a better person.
10.) That I like being me.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
3 (
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Changes in our life time
Posted:
2/22/2007 9:23:01 AM
Technology is kind of inevitable, but it seems the pluses come with their bad aspects as well. While it's great to be able to contact people all over the world so easily, I think it also adds to an increasingly depersonalized sense of communication. My personal peevee is cell phones. Some people just can't seem to stay off of them, no matter what they are doing. And when I see people out for drinks or whatever and watch them spend half the time on the phone, I wonder why they bothered to go out in the first place.
The biggest negative change to me though is the diminishing sense of trust and respect there seems to be. Everything from X-raying Halloween candy to lack of courtesy to others. Doesn't say much for society as a whole when you have to have alarm systems on everything you own.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
28 (
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Foul language and the over 40 age group
Posted:
2/21/2007 6:14:56 PM
Sorry Bowled Over, I phrased that wrong. The "If you hadn't..." wasn't meant directly, but in general. But the point I was making is about the culture of a society, not that segment which we choose to be a part of.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
26 (
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Foul language and the over 40 age group
Posted:
2/21/2007 5:36:02 PM
If you hadn't noticed, as society thinks of itself as more "sophisticated", it seems to become coarser, to prove it's sophistication. Sure, cuss words are just words, but it's the lack of respect for the other person hearing them, that irks me. It's just a general breakdown of any sense of civility. It's all about me, and the heck with it if you don't like it. You see it in the spread of multiple body piercings and tattoos, ornamentation associted with "savages", language of the uneducated, clothing styles that are sloppy at best, and music that celebrates the worst of society. You don't have to be a Victorian prude to find stuff like that distasteful. You do though, have to have some taste.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
23 (
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Having trouble fitting in..
Posted:
2/20/2007 2:18:58 PM
Mamas and Papas Woodstar.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
32 (
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what are acceptable questions to ask and not ask when your getting to know someone
Posted:
2/20/2007 4:41:58 AM
There are no wrong questions, though there are ones that show a lack of tact and courtesy. Or, if you want a somewhat less ambigious answer, don't ask anything you wouldn't be comfortable being asked or replying to. Just have a coversation, pay attention, and you'll find a lot of things answered without even asking, or that will simply come up in the normal flow. There's no rocket science involved, just be yourself. Isn't that what you expect from the other person?
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
161 (
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Honest Liars?
Posted:
2/20/2007 3:04:03 AM
This is a forum. It is a place where people express OPINIONS. If you post a question, you will recieve said opinions as a response. The opinions expressed will have a varying amount of validity based on the presumptions of the poster and those who respond.
Personally speaking, when I read a question that alludes more to the poster, than the post, it invariably leads me to certain assumptions, based on my life experiences. If one is to presuppose the intelligence of the poster, then one has to wonder why that intelligence does not contain a basic understanding of human nature.
If you want to know why people are/can be, self-delusional, it doesn't need to be prefaced by remarks that most would see as presumptuous and self-laudatory. By doing so, the OP showed either a remarkable lack of understanding of human nature in not knowing how people would respond, or, a shrewd grasp of it. Which ever it might be, it makes the poster a part of the topic. After all, if you post a question that can't really be answered, what does that leave?
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
12 (
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Do you see it as good or bad?
Posted:
2/19/2007 6:05:46 PM
I fall on the don't worry about it side. There's a picture up to get your attention, then if you read the profile and it doesn't do anything for you, I don't think it's a matter of courtesy whether you contact them or not. I knew, I don't expect everyone to view me to find me someone they want to contact.
It seems most of the people that look at mine are either people within my matches, people who's profile I have viewed, or someone has read something you've posted in a forum.
As far as rating pictures, that seems a bit silly to me. It's completely subjective and should be taken with a grain, if not the whole shaker, of salt. I don't have it on. What am I going to do, get plastic surgery if they didn't like it?
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
9 (
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted:
2/19/2007 4:04:29 PM
Obviously, I can't speak from a woman's perspective, but I have no problem doing things solo. At one point in my life (much younger), I sometimes worried what "others" would think (can't get a date, etc.), until I realized that it didn't really matter what "they" might think. If it's something that interests you, do it.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
4 (
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted:
2/19/2007 7:53:23 AM
Just go out and meet people, of any age. Become a part of your community, in any way you find comfortable. I think you'll find that the number of people you know will grow almost expotentially, with each person you meet. Eventually, you'll find people that you enjoy being around. From there......who knows what may happen. A positive approach, is pretty much the only way to get positive results.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
125 (
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The I'll call you
Posted:
2/19/2007 4:57:00 AM
On the bright side, relatively speaking, if people were honest and courteous, there wouldn't be all these threads asking the same basic question ...... why aren't people honest and courteous? ..... for everyone to read and resond to.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
136 (
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Honest Liars?
Posted:
2/18/2007 7:33:15 PM
I guess I'm missing something here.
If I'm only looking for friends, and they can only be people who meet preset standards (which if I'm really looking for friends may or may not, actually be applicable, for various and sundry reasons) the first thing I'm going to do is post a picture that should insure that I get responses based on my looks?
Not having a bunch of initals after my name, I'm sure it's beyond my powers of comprehension to understand the logic there. And since I don't have any pieces of paper saying I'm intelligent, I guess I must not be smart enough to divine the pointless prattle behind the self-absorption, if not, down right adulation, that poses an oxymoron, as a forum for parading one's unique, and superior talents, gifts and intellect.
After reading through all of this OP, I can't help but wonder why anyone would want to meet you, if it wasn't for your picture, or at least those who find it attractive. Now, I can't prove this, scientifically, but last I knew, the best way to gain friends, was to be a friend. Because, you see, the problem with standing around on pedestals is...... pigeons.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
23 (
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Changing What You Are Looking For...
Posted:
2/18/2007 3:12:50 PM
Is it WHAT you're looking for that changes? Or, HOW you look for it? A change in criteria, or a change in priorities? Usually, when a person is put in a box, it's a coffin.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
7 (
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Is kissing more or less important to you in a relationship as you get older?
Posted:
2/18/2007 5:50:15 AM
Kissing before was simply a nice, warm, enjoyable, physical sensation, even when I thought I was in love with the person. But if he's gotten my mind involved, now it's enough to knock every coherent thought out of it ;)
Well said. As enjoyable as a kiss can be for itself, once it becomes a part of true intimacy, it can only get better.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
9 (
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Having trouble fitting in..
Posted:
2/18/2007 5:44:34 AM
Fitting in, is putting yourself in a box. Instead of trying to "fit in" with others, look for ones who "fit in" with you. Life is only as complicacated as you let it be.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
149 (
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our ageing bodies
Posted:
2/16/2007 4:34:49 PM
To choose a book, simply for it's cover is something we know we shouldn't do, but do anyway. It's human nature to seek that which we find attractive. The problem arises, when we use it as a barrier, rather than a filter. The other bad thing, when you're dealing with photos, some people take a good picture, and some do not. I've seen pictures of people taken within the same month, where they looked like two different people and the only real difference was the angle of the shot. Yet, how many read a profile that doesn't have a picture? I know I'm guilty.
And that I think, is where we often shortchange ouselves. Because if a relationship is real, and built on a solid foundation, as it should be, the physical attraction becomes secondary, yet often enhanced, by what we find within.
With retiring (early), and other things going on in my life last spring, I came to realize something about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and it came out like this...
Within a dream, we may find a fantasy,
But never within a fantasy, will we live a dream.
Our bodies will age, there isn't much we can do to stop that, though we can guide it to some extent. Our spirit though, can stay forever young. Part of that is attitude, part is taking care of ourselves, but the biggest part, is that all the parts, are part of a whole. Too often we lose sight of one part, seeking another part, or put expectations or conditions on others, to please a part we find more important. And in the end, the loss, is really our own.
So from the perspective of a male (full disclosure here, I shower, put on clean clothes, then don't think about what I look like until I shower again. If my hair's out of place, or I have something on my chin, I'd only know by accident, because I don't go around looking at myself all the time. Does that mean I don't care about myself? No. It just means I don't worry about it. Heck, at this point, I'm not going to get any better looking
) looks matter for getting one's attention (and they can certainly be different things to different people), but after that point, it's simply a question of do I enjoy being with this person.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
81 (
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What Not to Wear at this Stage?
Posted:
2/16/2007 6:38:17 AM
Isn't it really a matter of who you're dressing for? We all have our own self image and what we feel we look best in (whether we actually do or not ). But clothes do send a "message". Sometimes it's one we want, sometimes it's not. We have no control over what others think, so why not wear what makes you feel good about yourself? While certain situations call for "approriate" attire (ie: you aren't going to wear a bikini to a formal wedding), the rest of the time, it's about what you want to wear. It's your choice whether you dress for yourself, or someone else ..... at any age.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
103 (
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Dressing your age.....
Posted:
2/15/2007 12:06:06 PM
I think Ricky Nelson said it best.....
You can't please everyone,
So you gotta please yourself.
When it comes to clothes, by and large most people wear what the clothing makers are selling that year. And yes, different things are marketed to different age groups. But I don't think anyone appointed anyone as the "Arbitor of Taste" around here. People should only dress "appropriate" to a situation, not an age catagory. By dressing to the situation, you show respect, by dressing to an age catagory, you merely show subservience to someone else's sense of "fashion".
Sure there will be people who look totally gross in certain types of clothes, but as one poster said, "That's what friends are for". Basically it comes down to, if the cover bothers you that much, don't bother with the book.
Now, if you wanted to be worried about the cultural implications of certain styles or fashions of dressing, you'd have something you could delve into, but to be bothered simply by what people choose to wear seems a bit pointless.
SailAria
Joined:
1/3/2007
Msg:
13 (
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has this ever happened to you? if so, what can you do?
Posted:
2/15/2007 5:15:21 AM
I've always found it somewhat odd that letting someone down "easy", seems to always entail leaving them unsure of what is really meant. Why is it so hard for people to just say what they mean in a situation such as this, instead of saying something that leaves the person wondering what they really mean? While no one (I would hope) wants to deliberately hurt another's feelings, saying things that leave then hanging do just that in a more lasting way. It leaves me wondering if they are trying to spare the other's feelings, or their own.
If you're truely interested in someone, and they tell you, "maybe later", that's what you're going to read it as. Not as the "get lost" or "never going to happen" that they may mean. So here you have the OP wanting to keep trying and now has to decide if the other person is using "code words" or is sincere. Pretty lousy way to do things in my mind.
OP, if you have any doubt of their sincerity, move on.
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