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Thread: Keep talking, but don't ask to meet.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 20 (view)

Keep talking, but don't ask to meet. Posted: 1/10/2012 10:01:07 AM
I think you should relax your messaging restrictions and start dating men, instead of boys =)

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 12 (view)

Texting in the middle of the night Posted: 1/10/2012 9:58:57 AM
No text after midnight and no text before noon on a weekend!

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 3 (view)

Messages deleting before I can read them Posted: 1/10/2012 5:54:43 AM
His wife found his account and he got a hurt real bad.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 35 (view)

Inbox subject lines all say view message Posted: 1/10/2012 5:53:36 AM
Someone astutely pointed out that it will increase pageviews and thus, revenue. Someone also pointed out that it will screw over guys who don't look good in thumbnails - their last line of defense was the witty subject line.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 17 (view)

Inbox subject lines all say View Message Posted: 1/9/2012 2:26:25 PM
Well, now people who can't come up with interesting subject lines will still have their messages read.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 5 (view)

I caved. Fixed up the profile Posted: 1/6/2012 12:17:12 PM
Better headline. Talk a bit about what you're looking for in a potential partner.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 14 (view)

All it took was a dog Posted: 1/6/2012 12:13:01 PM
More pics of dog?

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 5 (view)

What am I doing wrong? Posted: 1/6/2012 12:08:54 PM
Views on this vary, but I'm not seeing the few extra pounds. I think your BMI is probably average, no? The self-portrait with cell phone camera isn't great. It looks almost like you've caught yourself off guard or something and there's some kinda distracting clutter in the background. I don't see any glaring issues with your 'about me', or first date idea (though the latter is admittedly a bit pedestrian - then again, so is mine!). Perhaps talk a bit more about what you are looking for in a potential partner. Do you want children? Undecided/Open Being a little more decisive here might help. How many messages have you sent, and what are you saying in the messages? How long are they? A 1 in 20 response rate is not at all unusual.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 31 (view)

how quickly would you consider moving in..getting married. Posted: 1/6/2012 11:36:03 AM
You are likely still experiencing "new relationship energy". It's a wonderful feeling but you have to be sure feelings are still there after the newness wears off. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_relationship_energy

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 8 (view)

How to spot a wedding ring? Posted: 1/6/2012 8:22:35 AM
1. Look at their left hand. 2. Determine location of thumb. 3. Count three fingers over. 4. Check for presence of ring(s). 5. ?????? 6. Profit! or the ole tried and true, "So what does your boyfriend think of (this or that)?"

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 5 (view)

Uncovering deception Posted: 1/6/2012 8:19:10 AM
Ask him if he rents a room with a married couple.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 2 (view)

Christmas Gifts Posted: 1/6/2012 7:58:24 AM
Am I wrong in being upset? No. Find someone who cares about you.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 6 (view)

How to open up Posted: 1/6/2012 6:55:28 AM
Definitely think a profile overhaul and review would do you a lot of good. I would not get hung up too much on being 21 and not having much relationship experience, this is not abnormal.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 12 (view)

he took 5 days to reply...he isn't into me? Posted: 1/6/2012 6:52:25 AM
Was this during the holiday season?

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 9 (view)

Why don't girls talk to you after you hang out with them? Posted: 1/6/2012 6:47:11 AM
OP....You are a 27 year old MALE housekeeper..... .... Sorry OP. That is your issue with the ladies. Not this. If they couldn't see themselves dating a male housekeeper, they wouldn't communicate with him in the first place. then with so much false expectations built up about "the meeting" and in reality you can not possible live up to the character they have created. well reality leaves them crushed. This.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 20 (view)

Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single Posted: 1/6/2012 6:43:23 AM
Why do people feel a need to resurrect 7 year old threads? Because other people feel a need to always hammer original posters about 'use the search function!'

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 9 (view)

What should I do with this girl? Posted: 1/6/2012 6:38:59 AM
Maybe she is mad because you didn't help powerlevel her character? Seek out closer women until you have a car...

Jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 28 (view)

Cop Issues Speeding Ticket, Asks Driver for a Date and She Sues Him Posted: 1/5/2012 2:50:21 PM
If this guy looked like Christian Bale and STALKED her, I'd hope that she'd be just as creeped out as she is by this guy. As she should be! Seen American Psycho?

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 4 (view)

Are You Curious To Know? Posted: 1/5/2012 12:49:30 PM
Some people hide the fact that they've viewed your profile. And the 'Meet Me' feature is next to useless. There is no way to indicate you want to meet a specific person, you'd have to hope they came up in the random rotation. And when you click 'maybe' it tells them 'yes'. Get rid of photo #7 (duck face). Add some real interests and get rid of the statement you have there now. Is what you have for profession the name of your workplace? That's a bad idea, as is mentioning it in your profile. Put "Sales" or "Customer service", or whatever it is you do for that company. Break your 'about me' up into paragraphs, and observe proper spelling, grammar, punctuation, and spacing. The first date section is not meant for you to write about your first ever date. It's asking you what you would like to do with someone you've connected with on your first meeting. Coffee, drinks, movies, skydiving? What do you feel comfortable doing with someone you've met off the internet?

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 4 (view)

0 for 20 as well. A little help please. Posted: 1/5/2012 12:06:03 PM
Overall: not bad. I think you should start by ditching the restrictions. Are you messaging women who have "Do you want children: Yes" ? Because you have Do you want children? Undecided/Open Women around your age who want children are hearing that tick tick tick get louder- so they might not want to waste time on someone who is undecided. Looking for a lady that knows how to have fun but can also be content doing nothing. Kinda makes it sound like you'd be boring/lethargic at times, like "hey, let's stay in this weekend and you can watch me play video games", or whatever. Remember that your first few sentences will show up in searches, so try to be a little more attention-grabbing. And you need to be a bit more detailed about what you are looking for in a potential partner besides "likes to have fun, content doing nothing". Work on your spelling/grammar, e.g. "If I ask what you listen too" ("too" should be "to"). genera -> genre Don't truncate words, it comes off as lazy (prob. -> probably). I am looking to make some new friends and if we hit it off, then I'm not opposed to a relationship. Meaning, I like to go with the flow when meeting someone new.. This is obvious - it's pretty much what everyone does. Just delete this part. I like to play tennis, but the depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get I'll never be as good as a wall. Avoid the word "depressing". Try: "I enjoy tennis but have realized that no matter how much I practice, I'll never be able to return a serve as consistently as a brick wall." Let's go to a place you love hopefully in public and well lit. Where I can get to know your hopes and dreams. We can have a drink or two and then go to see a local band or musician. It's good that you want the woman to feel comfortable, but mentioning 'public and well-lit' might make them think: what would this guy do if we met a private, dimly lit place? And that hopes and dreams thing is a little sappy. Perhaps: "Let's meet somewhere for a drink or two, and if the mood strikes us go see a local band or musician."

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 129 (view)

When a gal says, how do i know you're not a serial killer or rapist? Posted: 1/5/2012 11:43:10 AM
"You don't, but that's okay because I never murder on a first date."

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 23 (view)

i hate mixed messages Posted: 1/5/2012 8:51:26 AM
For whatever reason, cartoctopus necro-bumped it.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 5 (view)

sent messages not showing up Posted: 1/5/2012 8:43:51 AM
i do not use vulgar language Neither do I, but I had a hard time sending a message because of some innocuous word that could be used in a vulgar manner. Try sending a very short message, with only pedestrian words, as a test. If it goes thru - then maybe you can send me the message you were trying to send and I'll see if I can figure out what the offending word was.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 31 (view)

Dumped By Facebook Posted: 1/5/2012 8:28:12 AM
It's less than $15 to rekey a lock at Home Depot. If you truly care about the security of your home - and are not using the key as an excuse to see her one last time - you should rekey the lock because if she really meant to do something untoward with the key, she could just make a copy before she gave it back.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 20 (view)

i hate mixed messages Posted: 1/5/2012 7:48:35 AM
This is a thread from 2009, something tells me he doesn't need any further advice...

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 5 (view)

Help! He wants to move in. Posted: 1/4/2012 9:55:38 AM
That sounds like a great deal. For him. Free room, board, sex. Maybe even an allowance! Do you want a kept man? I think you've already decided what you're going to do and are just looking to us to confirm your decision. Don't be his sugar momma.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 3 (view)

sent messages not showing up Posted: 1/4/2012 8:47:13 AM
It is probably a risque word in your email. Maybe something sexually charged or drug-related.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 5 (view)

POF site secretly blocking people? Posted: 1/4/2012 8:42:52 AM
Sometimes there might be a word[1] in the message that is blocked. When you hit send, it says "Your message was sent." but then it doesn't appear in your sent items. It might make someone think they were blocked. [1] Risque words, sexually charged words, words to do with drugs, etc.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 20 (view)

fought for her she found someone else Posted: 1/4/2012 8:29:36 AM
Never make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs. Dont be her ego boost.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 18 (view)

Give up and delete? Posted: 1/4/2012 8:08:34 AM
I would say call him, but for whatever reason you deleted his cell number? What's happening right now? Has he not contacted you at all? Or is he just being (what you interpret as) lukewarm via Facebook? Ask him out...

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 24 (view)

Cheering for a different team Posted: 1/4/2012 7:25:57 AM
I know that you've yet to develop a strong relationship with the paragraph =)

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 8 (view)

Maintaining interest Posted: 1/3/2012 10:59:31 AM
Meh, I think you should wear the mouse outfit. She'll get a kick out of it. Besides, there are so many threads here about meeting people who look nothing like their profile picture. Don't be that person.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 22 (view)

Who is right? Posted: 1/3/2012 9:56:09 AM
If he wanted to marry her, he would have bought her the ring. He has not bought her the ring, ergo, he does not want to marry her. No one is 'right'.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 45 (view)

First Message -Original, or Cut & Paste? Posted: 1/3/2012 8:59:10 AM
I believe only paying members can see the 'read/delete' status of their messages.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 52 (view)

Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids? Posted: 12/30/2011 10:51:03 AM
I can give you the perspective of one who has three stepchildren. I am 48, widowed, not looking, and it is highly unlikely I will ever have biological children of my own. I will never regret that because I learned long ago that a dad is much more than a donor of DNA. "Any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad."

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 8 (view)

Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you Posted: 12/30/2011 10:20:55 AM
Maybe he bats for the other team? Did you try to move things to a more horizontal location and he rebuffed you? Has he told you he doesn't want to sleep with you? Or has he just not tried yet? If the latter, he is probably just trying to show you that he's a good, decent guy who isn't just trying to get into your pants. If you want to dance in the dark with this guy, make a move...

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 4 (view)

Profile review! Posted: 12/30/2011 9:20:15 AM
I like your headline. Agree on the need for better quality pictures and that 'stay at home mom' is a common red flag (doubly so when car=no). Interests: Supernautral Supernatural About me: Whats the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball? A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball! Heh. Funny. But you might be offending your target audience right off the hop. Lol my attempt at being funny. Got that. No need for this sentence. Im addicted to my blackberry So will you be constantly checking it, browsing Facebook from it, etc., while you are on a date or hanging out with your guy? Overall, I think your 'about me' is a little short, and by-and-large redundant to your 'interests' field. Talk a bit about what you're looking for in a potential partner. See the profile writing tips at the top of this forum for more help on this section. First date: Whatever we decide! long as its fun and we can get to know each other better! Might as well omit the 'First date' section altogether, in that case. Would you fancy a quick coffee meetup? Or skydiving? Somewhere in between?

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 47 (view)

Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids? Posted: 12/30/2011 8:57:21 AM
OP - I think you've already made up your mind, and are just looking for someone to validate your decision. You may need to let this one go... In the back of my mind, I’ve wanted at least one biological kid You should fix your profile to be more upfront about your desire.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 11 (view)

Cheering for a different team Posted: 12/30/2011 8:10:48 AM
Personally, I won't date a Leafs fan because I know they hold on to lost causes.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 16 (view)

Horrible experience! Posted: 12/30/2011 6:30:01 AM
10 days on the site, 1 bad fish, and you're done forever? Yes, there are men out there with genuinely good intentions.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 11 (view)

Seldom receive responses...why? Posted: 12/29/2011 2:07:22 PM
I don't get your headline... Do you want children? Undecided/Open This may be off-putting to those around your age group hoping to settle down and have that nuclear family. They would probably click back to find someone who has decided.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 3 (view)

Review me! Posted: 12/29/2011 1:52:47 PM
Whoa, that's a little harsh I think! I don't think he needs to lose it entirely... But it does need an overhaul. Especially the opening. Some of the middle bits are ok. This is superfluous and can be deleted: It's hard to sum up your entire personality in here, feel free to drop a message and ask me anything. :) Your username probably is going to turn some people away. If your life is confused - if you aren't sure of yourself - then how can you enter a relationship? Get rid of "hand holding" - it's a little much for a first date. See 'Profile writing tips' at the top of this forum for more.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 13 (view)

First Message -Original, or Cut & Paste? Posted: 12/29/2011 1:37:10 PM
Therefore, is it really so bad to send a brief and low-effort message indicating your interest? No one is suggesting he write a novel to potential matches. Something quick with a catchy subject - maybe three lines - mention something about their profile, ask a probing question. Short, but personalized. We don't know what personalized first messages OP was sending, but we do know that his profile is awful. So original, or cut and paste, it doesn't matter. (and the swimming pic is found in TinEye in two different places including some blog from 2008, so I don't think it's him)

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 2 (view)

Please can someone review my profile? Posted: 12/29/2011 12:40:11 PM
I think you are trying to be funny there, but your headline on its own comes off as arrogant. Since that's the first thing someone sees, they may just hit 'back' right away. And that hat you are wearing in #3 is not stylish - at least not 'round here! Pic #2 is too blurry. Get some more/better pictures. You can safely ditch the restrictions. On to to 'About me' - I’m friendly, caring and down to earth, and at the same time intelligent and possess integrity and a great sense of humour. Yawn... Try to grab the reader's attention in the first paragraph. The middle bit is ok, kinda pedestrian. Try and spice it up a bit with that great sense of humour. Fizzles at the end... I think you can ditch all of this: The only obvious deal breakers are that I don't want to meet anyone who's married or still has ties to their ex, other than children, and I prefer it if the person doesn't have tattoos or body piercings (other than ears). So I have a good idea of the kind of person I'd get on with but, as you can see, don't have a long tick list. So if you've read this far, and are interested, then let me know. The first paragraph is negative, and it's pretty obvious anyways. You can screen out those with baggage in the messaging or initial dating stage. Ditto for body mods. And the second paragraph is obvious too (everyone knows that they should get in touch with you if they are interested). So, delete.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 10 (view)

Is my profile broke? Posted: 12/29/2011 12:18:11 PM
Better now. I like the headline. Topical and clever. It's still just a little long. I'd say you can cut: I’m the guy that will say, “Hello Mr. and Mrs. -insert last name here-”, not ”How ya doin?”, when introduced (golden rule…do onto others). (If you decide not to cut this, at least spell correct "unto" others.) I think you start strong but fizzle a bit at the end. Most of the following can probably be cut or reworked into the initial parts: I'm not perfect (not today anyway ;D) and I certainly don't expect my match to be either. Are there any ladies left?! My match is someone...hmmmm...Aww hell, I'll know her when I find her! P.S.- My daughter talked me into taking this personality test and it says I am an ENTJ type. It is pretty cool, try it! (http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp) What are you?! To corny? "Too"

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 11 (view)

Just Dating Posted: 12/29/2011 11:43:19 AM
I agree with most above - I'm not on here to find platonic female friends, I've got enough of those =)

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 6 (view)

Is my profile broke? Posted: 12/29/2011 11:34:36 AM
Ditch the restrictions, since you apparently don't need them. You can screen the married drug users from Canada looking for intimate encounters at the door. Do you want children? Prefer Not To Say Why? Either you do, or you don't, or you're undecided. I think your 'About me' is trending a little long. As a result, I didn't read it in great detail but saw a few things to nitpick on: There's a trend I'm noticing about the women here on POF. I hope you are an exception! This is coming off as a little bitter, even though you don't really say what you're talking about. has an income other than welfare and/or child support Probably a better way to word this. If you lack responsibility for yourself or your actions...surely I am not your guy. Kinda unnecessary, negative. Try to avoid negativity in your profile, like the welfare thing above, etc. You're coming across as a little full of yourself. Another e.g. below (Wrinkling your nose and thinking "what a jerk"?,...prrrrrrobably should work on your character LOL!) Feel free to post back after you've trimmed it for both length and negativity and I'll try to give it another look, with a proper read through.

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 22 (view)

here's a liittl PoF trivia Posted: 12/29/2011 11:06:18 AM
Your tongue-in-cheek joke detector needs adjustment! (or mine?)

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 14 (view)

Friendzone/No Contact Advice Posted: 12/29/2011 9:57:41 AM
Sounds like you're limerent for your friend. There is a forum at tribes.tribe.net/limerence called 'limerence experienced', with posts from many different people who have gone through this and how they dealt with it. My advice? "Never make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs." You tried the partial disclosure route - and that didn't get you anywhere - so go for limited contact. Don't drop her, delete her, etc. Respond to, but do not initiate contact. Then, try to find someone whose feelings towards you are mutual, someone who will make you a priority. (For those who might think that this post is malplaced in 'Broken Hearts' - the unwanted, intrusive feelings of limerence can and do mirror the feelings of heartbreak - even though there was no bidirectional romantic relationship in the first place.)

jack-of-spades

Joined: 9/14/2011

Msg: 14 (view)

this sux Posted: 12/29/2011 9:48:43 AM
I've had a few first contacts, so they do happen (even for us guys who aren't packing a six pack). I know this isn't profile reviews, but I think you have a few too many interests listed - try to trim it back to just the interests that you can meaningfully share with someone else. I agree with paying for the upgrade, it's about $30 and good "forever". The upgraded membership appears to be for a fixed term? (3, 6,12,months)

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