Tips/ideas for an incredibly shy person? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Tips/ideas for an incredibly shy person?

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Tips/ideas for an incredibly shy person? Posted: 7/10/2009 9:08:31 AM
"Try voluntary work, activity clubs and evening classes, perhaps." I've been involved in a lot of volunteer work and I've take a lot of evening classes. If you want to make a contribution to the world at large, participate in volunteer work. If you want to learn, take an evening class. However, either one is way too much trouble to do just to cure shyness when opportunity is naturally all around you to do so. When I was young, I was incredibly shy. A lot of it had to do with the perception of others becoming my perception of myself. I made a conscious choice to act outgoing, the perception of others changed and it helped me think of myself in other ways. For instance, am I shy or am I just cautious in new situations? Am I shy or am I better in one-on-one conversations? As you get older, it's going to get easier for you. In the meanwhile, I'd follow the suggestions of others that fall along the lines of 1) don't worry about what others are thinking about you, 2) accept that you aren't the guy who will be wearing the lampshade at the parties, 3) put yourself out there in new situations. Best of luck to you.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Negative Postings Posted: 7/9/2009 3:55:22 PM
I am embarassed to say that my dog is under educated and unable to read and write. Therefore, he simply dictates to me and I post for him under my profile. He's quite the pot stirrer, that dog. Okay, I don't have a dog.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

Left me sitting at the table, until the waitress said, he left.. Posted: 7/9/2009 3:52:50 PM
Mmmmm....maybe YOU were gone too long?

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY Posted: 7/9/2009 3:51:24 PM
I have a friend that says his dream is to someday meet and marry a woman who makes more money than he does. I can't tell you his name, though. If his wife found out, she'd kill him.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

Just had an interesting experience... Posted: 7/9/2009 3:47:45 PM
That's a good point, Elledorado--like does attract like, so negativity will attract negativity.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 465 (view)

Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles? Posted: 6/16/2009 12:39:41 PM
Jim978, you wrote: "The same is true of women on here. I've never seen any other dating site with so many women that own bikes. But there is a fairly simple reason for it too. There used to be a connection of sorts between PoF and "BikerPlanet" - a biker WWW site. I used to see the BikerPlanet ads on here all the time. Not sure of that connection still exists or not but even so, if Bikers as a general lot are aware of PoF, then others there will know of PoF through word of mouth." Another thing about bikers is that many of them are quite frugal. I mean, if you want to know which bar has the cheapest beer on any given day, ask a biker. Since POF is free, maybe this is another way that frugality is showing through.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Oh man, I figured out how to make this site work! Posted: 5/29/2009 12:56:34 PM
You look about 50 in your default photo, which I think is the main reason for my dislike of your form letter--you should have learned more about successfully dealing with women by now and your form letter comes across very sourly. But I looked at your profile and you are so young--you are not to be faulted for your lack of wisdom. But i wish you would change your default photo to the one of you in a suit. You look really good in it, and you look your age.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

Best question ever asked. Posted: 5/6/2009 12:04:51 PM
I live in Texas. You should be aware that women in Texas really like tall men. And a related thought...I think that, in addition to considering the sort of women who live in a certain area, you should also give equal consideration to whether you are the sort of man those women find desirable.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

I'm beginning to understand the over 45 dilemma Posted: 4/28/2009 7:01:40 AM
To the poster who wrote: "[W]hen you make an opinion in the forums, be prepared for feedback, critiques and possibly objective assessments of you." I highly doubt this is the place to come for "objective assessments" or objective anything. I think that, overwhelmingly, most posters see their own personal issues in any and everything they read and post accordingly.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

She's a friend but I want more... Posted: 4/23/2009 8:26:04 AM
I read somewhere that one of the major reasons a person falls in love with another is proximity. Meaning, when we are ready to fall in love, frequent contact and a continuing physical presence is going to play a big part in who you choose. Maybe if you took that into consideration, you’d be able to move beyond these urges you have to make something happen with her. She’s apparently not giving the right cues to you so, probably, for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to “go there”. Let it go, at least for now. Go out and find someone else. The jealousy or envy you are feeling over her upcoming date does not create a deadline.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Mention Camping and... Posted: 4/14/2009 11:28:20 AM
Well, I looked at your profile to see if there was anything bizarre and scary which would make women run away screaming and, of course, there wasn't. But I would say that it seems odd that a man who intends to go into the forestry service, is an archaelogy student, and, in general, seems very resourceful would not know where camping grounds are located in his area. Does this make your question seem disingenuous or make parts of your profile seem untrue or questionable? Or is it just mere coincidence that this particular question seems to cause conversations to fizzle out? Don't know--many conversations do fizzle out after a few emails. I understand your logic about asking about a listed interest, camping. Maybe instead of asking where they like to camp, you could ask them some other question about camping or a camping related question...e.g., Can you start a fire from two sticks of wood? Were you in the Girl Scouts when you were a kid? Did your family go camping when you were a kid? At any rate, good luck with your fishing. (And camping!)

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

I don't like sparks and chemistry. Posted: 4/13/2009 12:41:27 PM
Thank you for your gracious acceptance.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

I don't like sparks and chemistry. Posted: 4/13/2009 10:51:28 AM
Do you understand how he could be intelligent and an asset and still be contemptible and annoying? And, yeah, I wrote that as a knee jerk reaction and then thought it was an unnecessary thing to say and really added no value to the thread and so removed it, but thank you for making sure he gets to read it. RenaissanceMan1950, I apoligize for writing that and I'm sorry you had to know I did. I do think you are an intelligent man, it's just that our opinions and styles definitely clash. That does not alter the fact that you are entitled to your opinions, nor does my opinion of you make any difference in this world.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

I don't like sparks and chemistry. Posted: 4/13/2009 10:26:30 AM
RenaissanceMan1950, I don't know why you always have to be so arrogant in your postings. It's quite offputting. When you start a post the way you just did, I find it very challenging to read the rest of what you write with an open mind. However, I realize that's just the way you are, so, fine, moving along. The problem with the studies you cite is that they doesn't really recreate a situation you will find in real life. If only we could be in a room and pair off based on appearance only, and if only that would be a basis which proved to have a direct correlation with what we really found attractive in other people. I think a cocktail party comes closest to the experiment you describe and, yet, eventually even a person at a cocktail party will congregate to the people he/she finds attractive, attractive being defined by that person. And what about that picture on in the internet with that grotesquely obese man with the hot woman in the tiny little thong swimsuit? (I think the caption is something like "Pick out the millionnaire in this photo.") How do you explain that coupling? lol...it must be sparks and chemistry.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

I don't like sparks and chemistry. Posted: 4/13/2009 9:20:40 AM
Two last things: To posters who are reading things into my post, for the most part, that's YOUR stuff you're seeing in my post. Be honest with yourself. For the rest of you who think you know me by reading one post, go read my profile. It'll either change your mind or give you a plethora of reasons to hate me. Which is fine, but please hate me for who I am, not for what I wrote.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

I don't like sparks and chemistry. Posted: 4/13/2009 9:15:35 AM
To the poster who wrote, "you sound pretty jaded OP; pretty high maintenance too; This bull crap about lists is ridiculous; on one is perfect and you act like you are choosing a life insurance policy and a contract in regards to meeting your criteria. Thats' your show that you are doing; form some of us passion and fun and chemistry is huge; make sure to bring your contract on the next date you have. " Brother, lighten up a little. I've read your profile and History and I sense your frustrations with people at large. We're never gonna be good enough for you, you know. We're never gonna do it the way you want it and it's never gonna be for the right reason. You're a handsome, intelligent man and yet...I just picture people getting their fingers bitten off when they reach out and try to touch you.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

I don't like sparks and chemistry. Posted: 4/13/2009 9:10:07 AM
To the poster who wrote, "[I]f you throw out this enormous grocery list of requirements...all you'll do is piss them off, and say goodbye to any potential sparks or chemistry. ..No sparks or chemistry here!" lol...but thank you for considering me anyway, sweets!

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

I don't like sparks and chemistry. Posted: 4/13/2009 9:06:16 AM
David Hyde Pierce, as his character in Sleepless in Seattle, said, “When you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.” I still maintain that if you meet someone, and even if on paper you think that it's a 100% match, but there's no sparks or chemistry, there's still a missing criterion. Maybe it's not even something of which you are aware. Maybe it's something unhealthy and you don't even acknowledge it to yourself. Maybe it's so subtle you aren't seeing it. For those of you who had to cast aspersions on my character just for expressing an opinion...well, I know posting in the Forums is like putting your head on a chopping block, and so I accept your criticisms and it's not a big deal. It don't hurt if it ain't true. But, seriously, just as what I post is out there for the world to see, so is your response. Some of your responses are pretty judgmental, paranoid, oversensitive and close-minded.* Bear in mind, also, that it's possible for a human being to disagree with another and still respect them and their opinions. Me holding an opinion different from yours does not mean I condemn you and all you believe in. It means...I have a different opinion! *Before anybody goes berserk because I called them judgmental, paranoid, oversenstive and close-minded, did you see that I wrote that about your RESPONSE and not YOU?

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

I don't like sparks and chemistry. Posted: 4/9/2009 9:28:44 AM
Where did I say they are a bad thing or a good thing? I didn't. Interesting that you read that into my post, though. And I'm not saying any particular piece is missing. I'm saying lack of criteria causes lack of chemistry. I'm asking what criteria is most often missing for you when meeting someone. Maybe this will provide insight into why you're not experiencing sparks and chemistry. P.S. The reason the headline is "I don't like sparks and chemistry." is because I don't like those particular words. I can't believe I even wrote them as many times as I did. I can't remember the last time I said them; it would make me feel silly to say "I feel sparks for you." "My chemistry is pumping for you." I just picture a battery with problems or a welder with sparks flying off or some kind of weird science project, maybe the one with the erupting volcano. Okay, well, maybe that one is pertinent.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

I don't like sparks and chemistry. Posted: 4/9/2009 8:16:16 AM
Please, people. No "sparks" or "chemistry"? Either the person fits your criteria or they do not. Honestly! It's not an absence of sparks or chemistry. It's an absence of something else you wanted the person to be. You have a picture in your head of your ideal and when you think a person fits all your criteria, you feel sparks and chemistry. When you met them in real life and there aren’t sparks and chemistry, it’s because there was a missing piece. An important criteria was missing for you. Let’s say you meet someone IRL and you feel a “spark”. You know nothing about them, really, because you just met but, boy, are you feeling it. And then the chemistry goes away when you get to know them and find they aren’t meeting your criteria. How often does that happen to you? You meet someone online and you are all enthused about them because you think they may be your ideal, and then you meet them in person and there is no spark. That’s because, in meeting them, you found they didn’t meet your criteria after all. So, what I am saying is that if you are looking for “sparks” or “chemistry”, what you are doing is looking for the presence of the byproduct of finding someone who meets your criteria. So, if you aren’t finding sparks or chemistry, the problem is your criteria. If you aren’t finding sparks and chemistry when you meet people, what criteria is it that you are having the most trouble finding someone to fit?

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Date tomorrow night - but....! Posted: 4/3/2009 4:13:32 PM
I understand that, at this point, this particular man's name is a moot point, but, seriously, you made too big of a deal out of a really little thing. I mean, really, why couldn't you have just asked? If you or he are so sensitive that the question is a dealbreaker, well..I'm just curious what the drama following the date would have been!

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Shyness Posted: 4/3/2009 3:58:26 PM
There's nothing wrong with being shy. The problem come along when your shyness holds you back from doing the things you want to do. Perception plays into the shyness thing, your perception and the perception of others. When I was a child, I was very shy and my parents always told everyone I was very shy when I met them and that plunged me into shyness as the person stood there looking at me and my shyness. I could never say a word! So, with my parent's comments, other people knew I was shy and it reinforced my own self perception as being painfully and paralyzingly shy. So, when my oldest son was little, though he was shy, I didn't tell people that, in an effort to prevent encouraging his perception of himself as being shy. Sometimes people would say "he's shy" in front of him. I wouldn't agree or disagree, I would say something like, "he's quiet until he knows you a little" or "sometimes he needs a little time in a new situation". I like to think that gave him a sort of path to follow away from his shyness. When I was in my early 20s and tired of the shy way of life, the thought occurred to me that people wouldn't know i was shy if I didn't act that way. So I started acting outgoing and the perception of others changed. For many years, no one has believed me when I tell them how shy I am. Except other shy people. We shy people always know each other, don't we? It effected my perception of myself, too. I still see myself as a shy person, but I no longer see myself as a shy person who "can't". I am a shy person with the willpower and courage to act anyway. I think the "quit being shy" advice is good, in a way. I would modify it to say "quit acting shy".

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Shyness Posted: 4/3/2009 3:57:58 PM
There's nothing wrong with being shy. The problem come along when your shyness holds you back from doing the things you want to do. Perception plays into the shyness thing, your perception and the perception of others. When I was a child, I was very shy and my parents always told everyone I was very shy when I met them and that plunged me into shyness as the person stood there looking at me and my shyness. I could never say a word! So, with my parent's comments, other people knew I was shy and it reinforced my own self perception as being painfully and paralyzingly shy. So, when my oldest son was little, though he was shy, I didn't tell people that, in an effort to prevent encouraging his perception of himself as being shy. Sometimes people would say "he's shy" in front of him. I wouldn't agree or disagree, I would say something like, "he's quiet until he knows you a little" or "sometimes he needs a little time in a new situation". I like to think that gave him a sort of path to follow away from his shyness. When I was in my early 20s and tired of the shy way of life, the thought occurred to me that people wouldn't know i was shy if I didn't act that way. So I started acting outgoing and the perception of others changed. For many years, no one has believed me when I tell them how shy I am. Except other shy people. We shy people always know each other, don't we? It effected my perception of myself, too. I still see myself as a shy person, but I no longer see myself as a shy person who "can't". I am a shy person with the willpower and courage to act anyway.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Were newspaper personals better than online personals? Posted: 4/3/2009 3:22:12 PM
Imagine... you word your ad...you place it...you can't tweak it, it stays just the way it is for a week or two. The person reading your ad can't just sit back and wait for you to write something directly to them...they must write to you if they want something to happen....so it's more proactive. don't you people always complain about the communication being such a one way street here? so they put pen to paper (the forgotten art of letter writing) and write to you. And it's a good letter, too...i don't think anyone ever wrote a simple "hello" as a letter and then followed up with another letter..."so are you interested?" No, people wrote the best letters they could. I think you were meant to include a photo with the letter. don't you people always complain about the low quality emails you get? And then the person would write back and enclose their photo with a phone number, you call, you set up a meeting. Photos are photos, they are of little more help now than they were then. In fact, some people are probably still using the same photos from back then! I suppose phone calls and/or letters could go back and forth for a bit but I don't recall anyone ever mentioning that or at least not complaining about it. My experience: One night, about a month after breaking up with a boyfriend, I got out a pen and some nice, well, cute anyway, stationary and I sat down and, in my own naive fashion, responded to, I don't know, probably 5 to 7 ads and sent my letters out. I received letters back from most of them--no surprise, I put a lot of effort into those letters--and met all of them. I remember one man was a little heavier than I would have liked but still quite nice. Other than that, they were all just fine. One I dated for a while, another I dated for awhile and then we were friends after that. You know, one plus, you didn't have to worry about being out with them and they'd pull in front of a post office and run in and check their mail!

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

How do I deal with drunks? Posted: 3/3/2009 7:43:37 PM
Well, not to belabor the point, but attracting a certain kind of person isn't really a matter of length of toleration. How do they know your toleration level when they first meet you? Unless when you first meet them you tell them stories about how long you tolerated your ex who drank so much. Anyway, I agree with the poster above who said that you should meet people outside of bars. Especially because my gut is telling me you have a problem with drinking yourself. Or did. Whatever. It's a problem that never truly goes away.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Just like him too much to sleep with him again... Posted: 3/3/2009 7:37:07 PM
OP, what concerns (and saddens) me most is your headline of "A Broken Soul". This seems to be the real issue for you and not what that guy thinks of you. What you think of you is important, and I don't know that thinking of yourself as broken is exactly healthy.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

My parents having sex.... Posted: 2/24/2009 7:30:10 AM
What is this "caught" your parents having sex thing? Are you making them wait until they are a certain age? Are they required to get your permission first? Trying knocking on the door first. Or try getting your own place. I wonder if they are writing on aarp.com and laughing about you walking in on them.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 94 (view)

sick 2 my stomach - need advice Posted: 2/22/2009 11:09:24 PM
But, Helen1967, I think you are overlooking all the past relationship data the OP gave us. Yes, the info the OP gave us about this particular man and events does support what you are saying, but she gave us lots more info about her previous relationships and that is what is precipitating all the comments about the clinginess. The OP herself is generating a lot of the chaos in her life about which she is complaining and kinda refusing to even examine the possibility that she is doing so.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Give it to me...no, really, I mean it... Posted: 2/22/2009 5:54:58 PM
You say the POF Forums is one of your interests, but I see you have not posted since August 2008. An interest should probably be something you do more than twice a year, unless we are talking about your interest being poking a flag in the top of Mount Everest and then practicing that interest twice a year is probably believeable. So either you are just watching and not participating (voyeuring), or the Forums are not really an interest, which then potentially calls your other interests into question. You seem like a delightful man and I'm sure your input in the Forums would be a joy to all. Your profile is well-written but I would say it does lag a little in the First Date section as compared to the rest of your profile. And I guess you really feel green is your color. :) One last thing. Is it really a good idea to use your real name as your screen name, Andy?

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 436 (view)

What professions are a turn off? Posted: 2/22/2009 5:31:25 PM
sweentessinthekeys wrote: BTW funeral directing is actually quite lucrative. I actually investigated that profession and it seems that it is lucrative only if you also own the place.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Now accepting constructive critiques Posted: 2/19/2009 6:16:57 PM
Fiddlesticks12345....so what's the big secret the rest of us can't know? No whispering! Perhaps you think the Forums are set up to help people with their problems? Well, no, they aren't. The Forums are here to satisfy the voyeuristic nature of us sociopaths. OP, your profile looks fine and you sound delightful. Youngish sounding, slightly naive, but that seems to be the real you.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

How often are you having sex and considering yourself to be single ? Posted: 2/19/2009 5:12:43 PM
I have nothing to add to the discussion. I just wanted to be Message No. 69 so all the men would eat their hearts out with envy. So, ha!

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here? Posted: 2/19/2009 11:34:26 AM
raiderfan18, you wrote, "Do what my friend did...she posted a fake profile on an adult sex site, just to see which men who were here and on match looking for LTR were on there looking for IE. She found out the majority were. " There's no practical way your friend could have done enough matching of profile to profile to get enough valid results to convince me that her sampling could lead her to the conclusion that "the majority were". I can believe that she checked on the men she was interested in and found that the majority of those men were. But do you see how that skews the test? That just might be the kind of man that she is presently attracting/attracted to.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Dating Someone With or Without Smarts Posted: 2/18/2009 9:53:37 PM
helen1967, you wrote, "It's arguable, albeit barely. If one is all-powerful, it seems as if that should include being all-knowing. " I considered that but my intuition told me the writer had simply confused the words. By the way, I had to look sophistry up to see if you were insulting me and if I needed to call you a B or not. Thanks for the vocab lesson!

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

Dating Someone With or Without Smarts Posted: 2/18/2009 9:13:22 PM
anotheragain, you wrote, "None of us are omnipotent (all knowing)". Thank you for defining omnipotent for those of us who are too stupid to know.....but.....omnipotent actually means "unlimited power or authority". I think you meant "omniscient," which does mean "knowing everything". Like me. Oh, wait. Were you one of the men who likes girls that make them feel dumb? No? Oh, sorry. Never mind. Hmm. Should that be "one of the men who likes girls" of "one of the men who like girls". Oh, lord, I hope I got it right. Correct? God, it's a tricky business when you start correcting others.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Dating Someone With or Without Smarts Posted: 2/18/2009 8:42:03 PM
I love brains. With a side of fries. In my opinion, if they can count and can write the letters of the alphabet, I can teach them everything else I need them to know.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Can someone explain this to me? Posted: 2/18/2009 8:36:29 PM
I mean, seriously. If attractive people apologized for being attractive we would all know they didn't mean it. Because if they did mean it, they would go ugly themselves up to show us that they were truly reticent. Oh, wait. Maybe they do. Maybe ugly people are just truly apologetic attractive people.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Dating someone who still signs on to POF Posted: 2/18/2009 8:17:14 PM
I will NEVER delete my profile! When I'm finished with it, I'm going to sell it on ebay. (You'll have to be a white female, 50 years old, sorry.) Someday when I'm old...older....I'd like my grandson to come to me and say "Grand-mère (I like to imagine him with a French father, speaking in his lispy French accent, I don't know, I just really like croissants and cheeses....and wine...and the Eiffel Tower....and the Louvre.) Anyway, "Grand-mère, I've met a femme through Plenty o' Poisson and she is très bon!" He will show me her profile and I will exclaim "ooh la la!" He will think it is because I think she is tres chic but it will actually be because it is my old profile now in the hands of this girl who is obviously muey voila to my grandson. Okay, that would be messed up, but you see what I mean. A good profile is timeless. Which mine is not, but it should be vintage by that time and cost ten times what I paid for it originally even though it's the equivalent of a white leather jumpsuit with rhinestones. Anyway. I never saw a fisherman roll it up after catching one fish, so what are you thinking?

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

The Note Drop Posted: 2/17/2009 11:28:26 AM
Well, sometimes a guy has to slip you a note because he can't actually talk to you because his girlfriend is watching him too closely.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Mentioning career and income Posted: 2/17/2009 11:23:14 AM
I had no idea railroad engineers had such a reputation. I wouldn't like the skirtchasing drunks part, but a motorcycle collection would be awesome. By the way, we all know your job and have an idea of your income now.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

What should I change. Posted: 2/17/2009 11:09:36 AM
Join the military. There's a place you can get some direction, focus and discipline in your life, and learn a skill. And they don't really care about your background or where you are in life. I wouldn't necessarily consider the military Choice 1 for a young person but if you got nothing else going on for you, just kind of floundering around in life, then it becomes a good choice. Joining the military can be a way to get a derailed life on track surprisingly quickly. I realize you didn't really ask for that sort of advice, that you are looking for dating advice, but my observation is that you need to pay more attention to your life than to dating. You need to be a little more concerned with your own future and your own welfare than how to impress a date. Someday you are going to want a wife and children. I'm sure you'll want to take care of them. Is the path you are currently on going to enable you to do so? Please do something towards making your life one that you want to live and start right now. As far as dating, if you really want to impress a woman, responsibly preparing for your future will certainly impress her.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Would you go to a Valentine's Dance solo? Posted: 2/14/2009 6:05:31 PM
i.firedancer wrote, "....... and dance like no one is watching!!!! " Why do people say that? Who gives a ___ if someone is watching? Is their judgment so important? Who died and made them Deney Terrio? And why are people so sure that others are watching them? Wouldn't that be an overblown ego talking? So, dance and don't even think about whether someone is watching or not. But if people start pointing at you and snickering, stop and return to your seat.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 69 (view)

talking on the phone.........he's on pof Posted: 2/13/2009 11:19:48 AM
I think this was intended to be a post about giving a person your full attention while you are on the phone with them. And I would say, give them your full attention. When a person is on the phone and distracted by something (anything) else, it shows and it doesn't really leave a good impression. And impressions are important. If you don't believe that, go poke around in the Profile Review section. It's different when you've know the person for awhile because they have context outside of that telephone conversation. When you've never met the person, all they have is the context of that phone conversation. To those people who feel they successfully multi-task: Studies show that the more tasks you are simultaneously processing, the lower the quality of your performance of each, which is fine when you are throwing a dog a ball, watching tv, loading a dishwasher, and stirring something on the stove now and then. Who cares? Good enough is good enough. But that might not be good enough when you are on the phone wanting to pique someone's interest enough in you to meet, possibly date and ultimately, god willing, have sex with you. The particular annoyance to the OP seems to be that the distraction to the guy was that he was on POF. I think that's really an irrelevant point but I can see how it exacerbated her annoyance.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Ladies, could you please critique my profile? Posted: 2/13/2009 9:24:40 AM
Well, let's start with the technicalities, shall we? You proclaim yourself to be an author and you are degreed. Please proofread and edit your profile, then, if you do not want to appear to be a hack. You use incorrect forms of words, you've written pretty sentences that don't actually convey a lucid thought, and you've been a little careless with your phrasing. Examples: We can only dream....can we? [Suggested corrections: We can dream, can't we? or We can only dream.] I range from Erykah Badu to Conway Twitty [you do, or your tastes do?] then we both believe to go dutch [do you mean "we both opt to go dutch"? which is still problematic because if the first person opts to go dutch it is no longer an option for the second person. side note: a lot of women frown on a man expecting them to pay for themselves until they've been dating the man awhile. just saying.] And now for the generalities: You do come off as a little full of yourself. But I suppose that is part of of the wisdom that comes with youth. As a woman, I don't really want to hear about your teeth or the stories women tell you about dating online. You're 24; how bad could your teeth be? And, as a woman, I know the stories better than you do. Other than that, I like it. I like "Cool Whip to the ears". I know you didn't ask for a posting review but... You realize you come off as frustrated with a superiority complex, right?

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Making a move Posted: 2/12/2009 3:31:51 PM
Yes. My thoughts are that you are adorably cute and of course she wants you to kiss her on the lips. She's coming to your house--that's another way we can tell.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Would you go to a Valentine's Dance solo? Posted: 2/12/2009 2:57:36 PM
You could perhaps check online for pictures from last year's dance and see what the crowd looks like, i.e., if it's all couples or not.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Is asking for a reply a problem? Posted: 2/12/2009 2:56:16 PM
You are wasting your time and energy worrying about this one. Stop focusing so much on the behavior of others and questioning why they do or do not do something. These are the thoughts that occupy your mind? Boring. Everyone who responds to your email and wants to date you, wants to date you. The rest do not.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Flowers: Requirement? Luxury? What's the standard? Posted: 2/12/2009 8:02:35 AM
Of course they are not a requirement, they are a luxury. I like receiving flowers a lot and I appreciate both the gesture and the flowers. I believe most women like receiving flowers and I think most men don't realize what an easy way it is to get a woman in a really good mood. Some women don't like receiving flowers for the same reason they don't let a man buy them dinner-they don't want to "owe" him anything. Some women don't like receiving flowers for the same sort of reasons they don't like a door to be held open for them. Some women don't like receiving flowers because they are a waste of money (according to them). Why won't they let a gift just be a gift and appreciate it? P.S. There are tons of free flowers in the cemeteries.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

free things to do with bf thats not sexual? Posted: 2/6/2009 11:07:05 AM
Museums usually have a day you can go for free. Volunteer/charitable activities are free and can be fun. Habitat for Humanity...you can volunteer and maybe learn a new skill. You could set up a scavenger hunt for him and your child. I don't know how old your child is, but I've played Hot and Cold with children. (Hide an item and as the child goes looking for it, you say "hotter" or "colder" depending on how close the child is to the object. The smaller the child the funnier it can be. Okay. I amuse easily. Here's another activity. Using images you cut from magazines or elsewhere, paste them to a piece of posterboard. This would be images related to goals you have in your life, i.e., what you want to do, where you want to be, where you'd like to travel, the vision you have for your future relationships (with family, SOs, children, etc). When you are finished, you can look at each other's boards and learn about them. It's amazing what people can say thru pictures that they can't put into words. AFterwards, you can hang the poster up somewhere as a reminder of what you are working toward.

icestorm

Joined: 1/15/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Always finding something wrong with someone? Posted: 2/6/2009 10:57:01 AM
And, OP, something to think about. Your headline says "wondering if you can break down my wall". If I were a mentally healthy man, I'd pass on you, just based on the headline. That might be a reason you are getting more than your share of "faulty" people--the well-adjusted men are taking a pass. Who needs to start out knowing the girl is going to be difficult to get through to?

Show ALL Forums