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 Author Thread: Text an ex on their birthday?
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Text an ex on their birthday?
Posted: 10/23/2012 5:46:13 PM
keep in mind that texting is THE most impersonal way to communicate.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 68 (view)
 
How young is too young for a 69 year old man
Posted: 10/23/2012 4:58:34 PM
the fact that you mentioned "I'm no Robert Redford" in your profile indicates that you DO act your age. There is nothing wrong with that reference, but you may consider modernizing it if you want to attract much younger women.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Can you get an old friend to like you again or to become friends again?
Posted: 10/20/2012 6:33:55 PM

I said things that I should of never have said that make me look like the creepy guy


did you say things like "baby daddy"?
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Apologize, or let it go?
Posted: 10/16/2012 7:07:53 PM

We once dated

I'm unclear if you mean you went on ONE date, or if you were dating 'once upon a time'

But, I will assume that you had a relationship here. You got together 3 or 4 times to chat a YEAR after you stopped dating , and she didn't give you any indication that she was interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. From your post, it seems that she volunteered that she is now seeing someone. All of this says to me that she views you as a friend only.

If you are comfortable with that, her current relationship status shouldn't end your friendship. If you aren't comfortable being friends becuase you are attracted to her, then yes I think it is best that you cut ties with her. Otherwise, a one sided friendship isn't fair to either of you.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/20/2012 4:15:11 PM
I'm with everyone that is suggeting Alanon.
The meetings will help you understand his illness and make informed choices for yourself and your children.

Those in the group are family and loved ones of addicts themselves. They have been through what you are going through. It is very enlightening

Best of luck to you
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Should I give up on him?
Posted: 9/20/2012 3:48:29 PM
sorry but I don't think he was ever interested in you.... If he was he wouldn't wait three weeks to meet you, let alone three years.

You are young, so use this experience as a learning lesson. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again with someone new. But encourage him to meet quickly, within a couple weeks of the first contact. You will weed out alot of weirdos that way.

Good luck :)
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 86 (view)
 
How did you choose your screen name?
Posted: 9/16/2012 7:16:12 PM
It was my nickname back in highschool. A few old friends still use it occasionally :)
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:45:46 PM

Sometimes the person may ask if you're just seeing anyone else sometimes they'll ask if you're having sex with someone else.


If I am having sex with someone, I sure as hell am not dating others. I guess I am just old fashioned that way.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
What does he mean by sending me this message after he broke up with me over a month ago?
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:38:16 PM
I too had to check your age, and then the link for his.

Don't you think you both should be over the facebook drama by now? He is 60 for goodness sake. If you have created a no contact rule for yourself, then live by it and remove him from your facebook.

Seems pretty simple to me
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
messaging restriction problem?
Posted: 9/10/2012 5:20:34 PM
now that you mention it, yes, I have had a couple without a photo too.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
messaging restriction problem?
Posted: 9/10/2012 5:01:40 PM
anyone else noticing that the something seems amiss with messaging restrictions?

I have been receiving messages from men outside of my age parameters, and intent (dating or LT)

If it were once or twice, I could think that they fiddled with their settings in order to send the message, and then change it back...but its been happening frequently lately.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 39 (view)
 
I wanna sit next to u
Posted: 9/9/2012 6:30:37 AM
My Mum and Step-Dad do this, and I think its adorable.
They also walk arm in arm where-ever they go....true love :)
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Rent or Own?
Posted: 9/8/2012 4:55:07 AM
Homeownership also indicates stability, and I am not referring to financial stability. I mean that the person has roots. An attractive quality when searching for a long term partner.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Is it true that a status of Separated scares off women?
Posted: 9/7/2012 7:16:13 AM
doesn't scare me off. I know the deal with process in Ontario and why it sometimes makes sense to stay married (separated) on paper.
I don't agree when others say that there is a risk that the person may go back to their spouse when they are only separated. The risk is the same if divorced.
Now having said that, I wouldn't date someone who is fresh out of a marriage, or any LTR relationship for that matter. Time heals, as they say.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Need some advice
Posted: 9/6/2012 3:14:35 PM
go to profile review....and use spellcheck
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Is he just not interested?
Posted: 8/27/2012 12:24:29 PM

While we were out he kept texting his ex gf whom is about to have his new baby.Should that be a red flag to me?

well if you have to ask....holy smokes SMH

AND you bring your child to meet a complete stranger..public place or not..that is just wrong on so many levels.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
did i Intimate Encounter message someone?
Posted: 8/24/2012 10:17:50 PM
nope, you didn't message me. you must have just clicked post reply here
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
did i Intimate Encounter message someone?
Posted: 8/24/2012 9:42:47 PM
IMO this is a dating site, not a meetup group. I am interested in meeting people who are interested in dating. I have enough friends :)

since you have updated your profile to dating, try to message me. If you are unable then it is because of the IE filter and you will have your answer.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
One who doesn't drink?
Posted: 8/24/2012 9:36:09 PM

Is this an issue for most?


it should only be an issue if you found it unacceptable that someone else is drinking.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
did i Intimate Encounter message someone?
Posted: 8/24/2012 9:06:31 PM
^^you have your setting as 'friends'
many users filter that out.

you wouldn't get past my messaging filter for that reason alone.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Profiles not showing up in search...
Posted: 8/8/2012 3:45:18 PM
oh ok,,,hmm.

So, I am a smoker. Does that mean that I still show up in a search to those that have selected 'will not date a smoker'?

I just tried a search, and not one of the profiles came back with the mail restriction 'must not smoke' I know we are now talking about two different things, but I am curious

EDIT: also just noticed that the basic search results either had no mail restrictions, or that I fit the required parameters to message them.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Profiles not showing up in search...
Posted: 8/8/2012 3:12:50 PM
^^not entirely true.
When you initially registered you answered yes or no to "would you date a smoker" and "would you date someone with children"
These parameters effect your search

Messaging restrictions are different and are visible on a profile.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Profiles not showing up in search...
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:41:58 AM
likely because your are seeking an intimate encounter.

The profiles that are showing up on the banner have the IE filter enabled and they don't want to be messaged by you.


Similar to smokers. I smoke and my search filters out those who will not date a smoker.

Or height, the search will not return results with men shorter than me.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
This Isn't About Dating, But Opinions Please!
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:17:36 AM
How old is your son?
Is the father on the birth certificate?
Does he have a violent criminal history?
Are you confident that heis willing to have his rights removed?
Regardless of you asking or not asking for support, non-custodial parents are required by law to pay support (with any less than 40% access)

It could very well be that he will be hesitant to open up this can of worms.

When your case comes before the courts, the judge will inquire as to why he has not provided any child support.
From what I know on this matter, (and it isn't much) it is a extremely lenghty, expensive and difficult process to have his rights removed.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Your Parents, your Childhood and your Relationships.
Posted: 8/7/2012 5:29:47 PM
I recently had a discussion with a friend regarding how our parents relationship to one another, and how they dealt with conflicts, affects your current relationship or the choices you make with a new partner.

I grew up with parents who never openly argued or showed any tension to one another in front of me or my brother. They were married for about 30 years until my father passed away in his mid-fifties. Obviously there were arguments and disagreements as all couples have, but they were completely shielded from me. Looking back at my childhood I know now that they weren't the happiest of couples. There were was no love or affection shown to one another...zero...yet they appeared to happily coexist, and they were always respectful to each other.

My friends upbringing was very different. Her parents openly disagreed with each other often. There was frequent petty bickering, and the occasional screaming match. But at some point there was a resolution to the conflict, one would apologize to the other and it would end with a hug and a kiss. She knew that her parents cared and deeply loved one another. But feels like she was slightly robbed of the idealistic childhood that I had.

Now, my feelings are that if you aren't exposed to the typical marital conflicts as a kid, then how are you prepared to deal with them as an adult in your own romantic relationship. Everything can be going along smoothly in a new relationship, but as soon as the inevitable bump in the road comes along, we are not prepared with the tools to effectively deal with them.

She feels that being exposed to frequent back and forth bickering as a child can foster resentment to one or both of the parents and even feels her upbringing is related to why she is hesitant to enter into another committed relationship. She doesn't want to have to deal with the conflicted relationship that she witnessed

I am aware that there are effective ways to disagree in front of children (no yelling, hearing the other one out without interruption etc) but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, tempers flare and people say things they shouldn't.

Do you think that way you deal with conflict in your current or past relationships is a result of what you witnessed in your own upbringing?


Today, at my age, I would have to answer 'no'. But only personal experience taught me to effectively deal with conflict in my relationships. But when I was in my 20s, I really didn't have a clue, and screwed up a lot!

Thoughts??
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Favorite list
Posted: 8/7/2012 5:11:07 PM
thank you for your reply :)

Not sure which is more tedious...removing one by one, or starting over from scratch!
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Favorite list
Posted: 8/7/2012 3:56:51 PM
This question is more out of curiousity than anything else...

I am clearing out the list of people who selected me as a favorite, as I do from time to time (it is kind of stalkerish-LOL) I beleive it is sorted by last online, and there is 100 profiles there. But as I was removing them, the list still remains at 100 with other users at the bottom of the list (assuming they were not online as recently as those on the top). So I am assumming that the list shown is capped at 100.

is there anyway to know how many profiles are on the list...or even better, any way to clear them all with one click?


Unfortunately no, there isn't any way of knowing and again, no there is no clean sweep option! I think if memory serves the theoretical number is a few thousand! and yes they are sorted by last online.

Only option is to delete and recreate your profile, tedious as that may be!
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 132 (view)
 
Plenty of fish
Posted: 8/7/2012 12:27:58 PM
^^you do realize that he wrote that over 7 years ago right?
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Deleted Message From a Private Account
Posted: 8/3/2012 8:30:52 PM
yes once deleted its gone.

But, do you have email notifications in your settings? if so, check your email and you can get her user name. However, when you say a 'private account' you mean she has a hidden profile then you can't search her by user name and you are SOL.
-or-
you can check your contact history (the bottom of your inbox) and pick them one by one and hopefully recognize the face on the profile.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
messaging in usa
Posted: 8/2/2012 7:54:03 PM
many people have email filters, such as you must live in Canada (or whatever their home country is) to message this user.

Assuming you are using the desktop site, you should be receiving a notification that you cannot mail the user immediatley after you attempt to send it.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How to post a turn off, without hurting others feelings...
Posted: 8/2/2012 7:41:53 PM
you have such a lovely and positive profile that I think it would be a shame to add any negative spin to it.

You could simply respond to the men that have these dealbreakers with a ' thanks for your message but we aren't a match'...or just ignore them.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Living with Jack Spratt!
Posted: 8/1/2012 4:56:31 PM
not a dumb question at all, and I can relate.

when my Ex and I were together, he did the majority of the grocery shopping, and more than half of the cooking. He would prepare meals that were amazing, but heavy on calories . This was OK for him and our kids, but I would force myself to skip lunch the next day. Either because I overate the evening before, or because I knew another dish like pasta with cream sauce was on the menu that night. I felt bad if I didn't eat what he prepared, given the amount of time and effort he would put in. Eventually, I began to serve myself a smaller portion and do a bunch of sit ups before bed :)

When it was my turn to cook, I would prepare light meals and also serve his prepared left overs so everyone had a choice.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Am I attractive?
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:25:06 PM
you can always ask for a profile review in the appropriate thread.
Good luck :)

EDIT to ADD: Whoops looks like you have already done that.. You can only have one (another rule) so you can continue to add to that existing thread if you want, but you can't start a new one
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Am I attractive?
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:18:04 PM
This type of thread is against the rules. But since I am here...
You have an extremely attractive face, but yes I imagine your height is an issue. Especially in the online world
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Have at it
Posted: 7/31/2012 5:33:11 AM
Thank you for your help and kind words everyone :)
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Pof Mobile V1.26 gps error
Posted: 7/30/2012 8:47:28 PM
interesting..I just got an mass email from Markus regarding updating to the new mobile version. Guess I won't be doing that just yet.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 20 (view)
 
call me anytime
Posted: 7/30/2012 8:20:13 PM
How does anything in that interaction make this man a d-bag?
What kind of 'romantic' music was playing?. It could be as simple as he was in an elevator with crappy muzak and you had a dropped call.

Sorry, but I think so many people are too quick to jump to conclusions before giving the benefit of the doubt.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Have at it
Posted: 7/30/2012 4:55:36 PM
Thank you for your replies :)
I am not worried about men trying to get into my undies or messaging my for sex,,LOL
I have become quite good at reading through the BS and weening out those types of men (usually they are incredibly transparent anyway..either through the messages or in person)
I am just thinking that I might be giving off a b!tchy vibe in my profile. There are so many 'women scorned' type of profiles out there and I am not one of those women.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
looking for abit of advice and help
Posted: 7/30/2012 3:24:47 PM
Oh,, I couldnt view his profile before bcuz of the error 500 that has been happening lately. Now that I have signed in to the main site, yours and everyone elses response makes a a lot more sense!.

I know this is straying off topic. But I am relieved because many of my profile pictures are on my Fbook and I was worried that someone could somehow link the two together and figure out personal details about me that I am not willing to share to the POF public. Thanks :)
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
looking for abit of advice and help
Posted: 7/30/2012 3:12:59 PM
^^ OMFG how did you do that? yikes!!
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Have at it
Posted: 7/30/2012 3:01:17 PM
I recently updated my profile because I am getting tired of meeting and conversing with men who want to only casually date.
I'm not sure if I am coming off as a b!tch with this revised version and would appreciate some feedback.

Thanks all :)
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
I'm not showing in search results
Posted: 7/30/2012 8:29:35 AM
I found you with advanced search. Top of the list :)
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Do women find male violence sexy?
Posted: 7/28/2012 12:38:55 PM
That all depends.
Two men getting into a bar fight for no reason is pure goonery. Not sexy.
Two men fighting for sport (professional sport) . That can be sexy in some way.
Two men fighting, and one of them is to protect their family or someone they love. Yes, admirable and sexy.

Fearless equates with stupidity. And stupid is never sexy
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 129 (view)
 
Separated vs Divorced: The truth will set you free!
Posted: 7/28/2012 12:21:07 PM
exactly Janet!
I too think that marriage is just a piece of paper. It is an ancient ritual that doesn't have any valid place in our modern society. Co-habitation holds almost the same legal ramifications as marriage.

Separation vs.divorce is also legally similar. ( Although there is no thing as a legal separation here). I have been told by many a lawyer friend that a divorce and/or separation agreement is only as good as the parties that are bound to it. Certain aspects of the agreement can be opened and revisited at anytime. So nothing is really ever 'final' legally.

aaah, sometimes I wonder if I am just too logical for my own good.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Done Wrong Yet Again
Posted: 7/28/2012 11:39:46 AM
You have been on this site for about 5 weeks and you chatted with one person from out of state that wasn't upfront with you. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Online dating has its merits, not everyone is a liar or a fake.

You had WAAAY to much of an emotional investment in someone that you never even met in real person. You should take a deep breath and take online dating for what it is. Never EVER get emotional attached to anyone that you only chat with online. Consider online dating as just another avenue of many to meet new people.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 127 (view)
 
Separated vs Divorced: The truth will set you free!
Posted: 7/28/2012 11:29:29 AM
First off, let me say that I haven't read each and every post here, but have quickly skimmed them. I am picking up that women seem to be the ones who have an issue with dating a 'separated' man, and the men seem to be more tolerant of this.

I guess I am in the minority. I would not discount dating a man who is separated. Of course, in order to build a serious relationship the emotional issues that linger after a relationship break down would have to have been resolved. The simple fact that the 'paperwork' was not finalized means absolutley nothing to me. It is only paper, it has zero to do with the emotional strength of the person.

In fact, most of the separated men that I have met, and many of my separated friends never bother to actually divorce the spouse. There are practical reasons for this. Here in Ontario (maybe all across Canada, I don't know) the parties to the marriage must live separate and apart for 1 full year prior to filing divorce papers. That is a long time. And in that year, there may have been a separation agreement drawn up between them that covers the basics of finances, access to the kids, and other major points. Life goes on as status quo, and when the 1 year mark arrives what is the point in going through the legal expense, losing all medical and dental benefits from the fomer spouse ?

It actually makes more practical sense to continue to be married on paper. The only logical reason that I can see for finalizing the divorce process is if one of the parties wants to get re-married.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Hottest girls?
Posted: 7/28/2012 7:21:50 AM
At one time I was an upgraded member and I stumbled across the Hottest girls list through the help menu.
I beleive it is the male equivalent of either 'will respond' or 'most attracted'
The reason your search returned male results is that you have your settings as seeking a man.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Why
Posted: 7/25/2012 10:56:31 AM
I got a message just today like you are describing. That was a first for me.
I simply blocked him.

The kid was 19, and quite frankly, it wasn't that impressive. Ha Ha
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
where are my messages going?
Posted: 7/23/2012 10:20:07 AM
^^ I could be wrong but I think that means that one of you has blocked the other. Not sure if it is you or her.

If Cowboy sees this he will likely have the correct answer.
 sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Not having a social circle of friends sure hasn't helped, anyone else have this problem?
Posted: 7/22/2012 9:09:22 PM
It's true that good friends do make life better. I can't imagine not having mine around, and I am thankful for them everyday. Some of my closest friends I have only known since I was in my mid 30s, and some for my entire life.

There are tons of ways to meet new friends, or to reconnect with old ones.

Go for a walk in your neighbourhood and talk to your neighbours, have after work drinks with coworkers, join a class in something that interests you, talk to people at the gym the grocery store or where ever. Find a group through meetup.co m. Find people that you used to hang with on facebook, or at a school reunion.

This advise may not necessarily help you meet women to date, but it could help with your social situation and in turn you may meet someone special.
 
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