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 Author Thread: Beards??? What is going on?
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 424 (view)
 
Beards??? What is going on?
Posted: 3/9/2014 1:08:57 PM

If a women is expected to shave her legs, private parts and armpits or any other place where any kind of hair is, then a man, who doesn't have to shave anywhere, should at least shave his face. That is downright laziness.


No woman I'd be interested in is "expected" by me to shave anywhere. I'm not turned off by hair growing where hair wants to grow. If she chooses to shave that's fine by me too, but certainly not a deal breaker either way.

And yes, laziness might be somewhat accurate for me. Mostly I just don't want to put a lot of time into grooming that could be better spent elsewhere. I stay clean and sufficiently groomed that I won't embarrass anyone. Working in the outdoor industry the dress code is casual, but when I've had other roles that involved meeting with CEO's and elected officials I've cleaned up well enough not to detract from my ability to be effective.

It's interesting how many people feel obliged to groom to certain standards as if they can't express their personal tastes without negatively impacting their ability to do their job. Yet I've known powerful women in important jobs who didn't wear makeup or shave their legs, and comparable men who sported scraggly beards, didn't wear socks, or wore the same suit day after day.

We all have our tastes and there's nothing wrong with that. It makes most sense to me to dress and groom however makes us feel best about ourselves, and we'll attract those who are attracted to us at our most comfortable.



She was an idiot.
Just chip off the ice before kissing


Yes, she was. Or at least a bad fit for me.
And that ice sloughed off quickly as soon as I got inside. That pic was taken on a week long back country ski adventure with my last girlfriend. We ultimately weren't compatible, but my beard was never included in her list of complaints.
On the other hand a second date this winter that never got to a third DID comment about not liking to kiss a hairy face. I understand. I don't like to kiss lipstick. Hopefully we all find what we like eventually.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 72 (view)
 
West Virginia water crisis
Posted: 3/8/2014 6:12:51 AM
Yes the EPA has the right to regulate CO2, and if there were indeed significant impacts from soft drinks I expect they'd approach that problem the same as they handled flourocarbons in aerosols. But there isn't, so that's unlikely to be an issue.

If you want to fuss about regulation and management of a common compound, why aren't you screaming about federal and state management of water? Plenty of precedent there. Dams, dikes, canals, culverts, stormwater regulation, even rainwater regulation in some states. My sister is legally forbidden to collect rainwater off of her own roof. Without regulation and management of water your own state would be in far more dire straits for water supply.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
breaking laws
Posted: 2/24/2014 9:23:57 AM

(woodstoves) When I said green wood, I meant wood that just isn't seasoned very much.


....and that kind of wood should NEVER be used in a wood stove. It releases far more creosote, particulates, and compounds and generates far less heat.

If you see smoke coming from your chimney or stove pipe you have an inefficient fire. Well seasoned hardwood burned in an efficient stove produces very little emissions and except when first being started should not produce visible smoke.

The other factor to consider is that a dead tree will release its co2 naturally, in the same quantity as it will when burned. Fossil fuels, on the other hand, store that co2 underground until extracted by humans and combusted. So the net increase in co2 in the atmosphere comes from fossil fuel use, not wood burning.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/22/2014 10:55:51 AM
You know, there's a huge double standard at play when it comes to condoms.

Read these forums and engage in the discussion many other places and you'd swear that unprotected sex is guaranteed to result in an STD, and if you happen to get lucky once or twice your odds just increase as you continue to play sexual russian roullette.

But that just hasn't been my experience in real life. I get a full round of tests between partners. I've never tested positive for anything. I've never had a woman come back to me and tell me she thought she caught something from me. (I know you can't test for everything) And at 55 I number my past partners in the dozens, although never multiple partners during the same time period.

Personally I'd rather not have sex than use a condom. I'm up front about that and do my utmost not to sway a prospective partner to do anything she's not comfortable with. On a few occasions in my life that's been a deal breaker, but very few. It seems a whole lot of people say one thing in public and do another in private. And a whole lot of us have led full and fulfilling sex lives without contracting anything. A lot of women don't like condoms either, and are quite happy with sharing test results as adequate assurance.

I'm not here to attempt to change anyone's mind about their personal practices. Sex is too wonderful to mar it with doubts or fears. But for those adverse to condoms who can find comfort in STD testing results know that you are not alone.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Boating as an interest
Posted: 2/22/2014 10:31:48 AM
A peek at the pics in my profile will show that my kind of boating is a bit different from what everyone else describes here. I should be out boating today but was too pooped from a long work week to get the logistics together. It's not for everyone, but boring it's not!
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
These tips are spot on...
Posted: 2/22/2014 7:55:03 AM

"Btw, is it just me or does the posting time out expire way too soon "

You have to copy and paste. We are usually timed out and have to reopen to paste.


Or just log in, then back page to where you wrote your post and hit post again.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Can we agree?
Posted: 2/20/2014 4:28:45 PM
If you're looking for agreement, or at least more civil disagreement, I'd suggest rephrasing your options:

1) What are the most important duties of the Office of President? What would you most like to see a President do discreet from the duties of the other two branches of government?

2) A number of people want to come to the US to live and work. How should we best manage this phenomenon?

3) Guns. Can't help you on that one. If you can find a way to address it in a non-polarizing way I'm all for it.

4) What improvements could we make to increase quality, affordability, and access to health care?

5) What are the best strategies to reduce the national deficit and debt?

6) If you could make positive changes in campaign finance practices, what would they be?

7) Is there a voter fraud problem? If so how best to address it?

8) Abortion. Almost as tough as guns, but how about this: "Is there any middle ground to be found between an absolute prolife stance (no abortions ever under any circumstances) and allowing any female of any age to have easy access to an abortion if she so chooses? What might that middle ground look like?

knowing us, the usual suspects will respond in the usual ways, but I agree in spirit with the concept of seeking common ground wherever it might be found. And I certainly agree we should argue the topic(s), not attack those with different perspectives from our own. A goodly dose of respect can go a long way.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 242 (view)
 
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/19/2014 11:03:34 AM
Speak for yourself---not all of us women slap ambiguous labels on dating and call it "friendship" just because we want to take things slowly. Some of us are actually articulate enough to speak our minds without the use of labels.

Moreover, not all of us women want to put artificial time constraints on when sex occurs---some of us prefer to let it happen organically---whether it be the second date, third date, fourth date, or whenever both partners feel ready.


Thank you.

This is one of those classic guy/gal frustrations. Many of us men become frustrated with women who say one thing and mean another. Many women resort to evasive tactics to hold the horn dogs at bay. All wish the others would just behave in a way that works better for us.

It gets tiresome as a respectful man to be tarred by a gender wide brush. Fortunately that aspect of dating, I find, gets easier as we age. One of the few aspects of middle age dating that IS easier. Far more women in my age bracket are more direct and honest, and the jaded ones are pretty easy to spot and avoid. I don't think any of us from either gender want to bear the brunt of responsibility for every past transgression of our own gender.

I devote a portion of my profile to clarifying that its not the type of relationship I seek, but the type of woman. I too prefer to let things happen organically. If I enjoy your company and you mine we will figure out soon enough what works best for us. Happily ever after may be the ideal, but not having found that yet and being more than hallway through my life I've got too much quality living to do yet to hold out for perfection and reject opportunities for fulfilling companionship.

I resent being forced to pick what we are looking for in order to participate in this site, so I clarify in my profile. And honestly I pay no attention to what an interesting woman fills in that blank with. Once we interact and certainly once we meet it all becomes either much more clear or much more clear that she doesn't really know what she wants.

Some women present in person just as they do in their profile. Some just the opposite. I've had equal measure of prudish profiles result in over the top first date advances as I have highly sexed profiles turn into stand offish dates. And then there are those who keep flipping from hot to cold and back again. Such is the adventure of dating. All we can do is figure it out the best we can as we go.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 87 (view)
 
POF needs a question to cover how religious someone is
Posted: 2/11/2014 9:20:49 PM

People NEED to be more tolerable. Period. If people think someone is trying to 'change' them simply by explaining them their own belief system, their own 'angle' on religion, they are not showing tolerance, they're showing a closed mind.


And my point is that a closed mind is just fine when it comes to picking a mate. I've seen some profiles that insist they'll only date someone who roots for the same sports team. So be it.

Sure if you're extremely picky you run a much greater risk of staying alone, but if you're prepared to accept that risk, where's the problem?

I've got deal breakers that would be no problem at all to others about traits far more trivial than someone's faith, but I know I would not want to share a home with someone with those traits. That's my choice, and I'm prepared to stay single rather than tolerate those traits. Why should that matter to anyone else?

Once I had a date with an attractive woman. Over dinner she launched on a monologue that included that she believed the bible should be taken literally (strike one, I thought to myself) that she refused to read the largest paper in the state because they endorsed liberal candidates(strike two) and that she thought Rush Limbaugh had a lot of good ideas (strike three-you're outta here!). She has every right to feel the way she does, and I'd defend that right to anyone. But no way I'd want to be romantically involved with someone with those principles.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 85 (view)
 
POF needs a question to cover how religious someone is
Posted: 2/11/2014 7:33:42 PM
I find it just stunning how closed-minded people can be when they fear being 'influenced' by someone.


There's a world of difference between who one might be comfortable with associating with as a coworker, friend, acquaintance, and who you might want to come home to every day. I'm a firm believer in not discriminating in my daily life based on pretty much any trait other than downright meanness, but I also reserve the right to be as particular as I choose about who I want to be intimately involved with, and I'd never question that in anyone else.

It doesn't matter how trivial the trait is. If you only want to be with tall red headed Lebanese with a limp, feel free to reject everyone else.

One of the strengths pof used to have was encouraging everyone to participate in these forums, which offered great insights no profile could ever provide. That's why I'm a fan now of okc because all their optional questions serve much the same purpose. So if there were scaled options for strength of faith or political bent or anything else it could only help. Sure we can always hit things that matter to us early in the message process, but why waste eithers time or raise false hopes if we can weed folks out sooner?
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Trying to Make Heads or Tails
Posted: 2/11/2014 11:05:34 AM
We don't really know if he's just into you for sex or if he's just lightly attracted to you, but the truth is he's just not that into you or he would have demonstrated it by now

I've seen cases where women who were initially not that attracted to a guy were ultimately won over, but I've yet to see that happen with a guy. Not that some guys don't find themselves more involved than they might have wished but in those cases their heart is just going through the motions.

I know gender stereotyping is dangerous, and I'm sure there's a guy out there or two who ultimately fell strongly in love after a long period of ambivalence, but I think those guys are far more rare than their female counterparts. Even though women are often thought of as being the more emotional gender, it strikes me that women are more likely to let factors like "good provider", "good father", and other practical considerations impact their emotional attraction than men are. We guys tend to either feel it or we don't.

And this guy clearly doesn't.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 68 (view)
 
POF needs a question to cover how religious someone is
Posted: 2/11/2014 10:40:49 AM

What would label someone who believes "I know something exists other than this but I'm not sure what it is."?


"Spiritual but not religious" might apply, if you feel there's something spiritual to the "something" you're confident of.

That's my shorthand. I have a strong sense that there is some sort of energy I can tap into for healing and guidance, but find any organized faith to offer only external static to my personal practice.

My romantic partners have run the gamut over the years. One was a Quaker minister, and their silent meetings came the closest to being useful for me, but I still feel most tuned in to that mysterious energy when I'm totally alone practicing my own form of meditation.

So long as my partner respects my practice and doesn't try to convert me to hers its all good, including if she has no spiritual practice at all.

But anyone who includes frequent references to God, Jesus, being saved, etc. in their profile is an instant turn off to me. Funny how it seems only some Christians feel compelled to billboard their faith. Many Christians don't, and I can't recall ever seeing that sort of proclamation from practitioners of other faiths.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 131 (view)
 
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 10:09:10 AM

Perhaps the poster who gave us #3 is telling you that some women have enough attention from various men that they do not have to HUNT...they choose the best one for them.


Ah but the pool to pick the "best" from will be limited to those who approach you. Kinda like only shopping from the items displayed at the end of the aisle. If you know the characteristics you're looking for and see them in a man, why just cross your fingers and hope he comes after you? Unless of course one of those key characteristics is someone who will always take the initiative.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 106 (view)
 
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/9/2014 1:21:15 AM
Fascinating. I didn't realize this would be a topic about which people would divide so cleanly into different camps.


In other words, guessing and mind reading are more helpful than just saying what you feel for each other.


So let me get this straight. If a traffic cop is standing in the middle of an intersection scowling at you with his hand held up you'll drive right over him because you were forced to guess and mind read if you didn't hear him say the word "stop!" In a loud clear voice?

Look, I get as frustrated as anyone if I can't figure out how my date is feeling about me. I'm just saying there are ways she can show interest besides words, and that I'm not going to propose serious commitment or intimacy unless I've got a pretty good idea she'll be receptive based on ALL the ways she's been communicating with me so far. If she's the type to keep her thoughts and feelings close to her vest and force me to continually go out on a limb for us to move forward then we're not a good match, but apparently she would be just your type.


Interests like skiing won't make either of you more attractive to the other.


Speak for yourself. Plenty of happy couples share a passion for dance, the same music, volunteerism, hiking, biking, art that are a big part of their attraction for each other.

Ironically, in a few hours I'm about to have a first date with a woman. We very nearly made this first date a ski date, but since the logistics would be difficult without an overnight stay decided to meet for brunch instead. But our shared interest in skiing is very much part of our initial attraction.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 74 (view)
 
When it comes to finding a relationship, are you ambitious, or are you a slacker?
Posted: 2/8/2014 7:51:19 PM
This whole concept of seeking a relationship doesn't sit well with me. It makes me feel like a puzzle piece that others are comparing to their particular fantasy.

I'm not seeking a relationship. I'm seeking a woman I can connect well with. Once we've found each other we can commence building a relationship whose particulars will suit us, rather than first defining the relationship then seeking the perfect mate to suit it.

I idle along until a woman.of interest comes to my attention, then I can be quite ambitious exploring our potential connection.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 102 (view)
 
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/8/2014 7:34:23 PM


What is the speed limit?


Remember your physics now. Acceleration is not the same thing as velocity. No speed limit, just don't accelerate too fast if she's not keeping up or already ahead of you.


Guessing vs. honest communication. Honest communication promotes communication. Guessing never helps.


Who said anything about guessing? Just remember that honest communication is about much more than words. Body language is often more honest than words, and its very much communication. Is she leaning toward you or away? Has she initiated any sort of touch, however innocent? Does she hold your gaze? Have you found topics you're both passionate about? I try to heed my brain, my heart, my instincts as well as needing to feel sensually/sexually attracted. Does she seem to be responding positively from at least two of those drivers?

Please tell me you can tell the difference between someone who is into you and someone who is not.


Please cite to the manual.


If there was a manual we wouldn't need this thread, would we?


Seriously, everything in this thread speaks to broken social rituals and distorted expectations. People have been socialized to guess and be less than forthright.


Rituals? Expectations? Screw that. You're exploring how interested you are in each other. All I'm saying is PAY ATTENTION not just to your own evolving feelings but your potential partners as well. Too many fall victim to only heeding their own level of attraction. And this isn't about what other people think or how they do it in books, tv, movies or even the last time you were exploring a potential relationship. It's about the two of you, here, now. Tune into that and forget all that external static.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 100 (view)
 
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/8/2014 2:42:29 PM
I think what it all boils down to is not asking for a dramatic acceleration out of the blue. Pretty sure I learned that lesson in my teens. I've come out of a second date with both of us committed exclusively before, but because both of us felt that confident at that stage, not because one of us sprung a request on the other. It's just a matter of being tuned in to each other. If you're going to be that far along that soon it should be clear to both that the other is that into them.

You'd think as we age we'd get better at all this but sometimes the opposite is true. I think some become impatient with letting things develop naturally and are inclined to just cut to the chase. Someone relatively fresh out of a long term relationship may be eager to embark on another without going through all the necessary steps first. If those steps are going to fly by quickly both need to be racing together.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 150 (view)
 
Why did you choose Plenty of Fish? Thoughts on other Dating Sites?
Posted: 2/8/2014 9:57:10 AM
The changes here over the years have made it less useful to me, but I'm sure it works great for many others. I'm mostly here just for the forums, but still browse profiles now and then and get a couple of first messages a week from others whose interest is piqued by my profile.

I met my last girlfriend on greensingles, which caters to my treehugging crowd. It's a pay as you go site, so it doesn't cost to just be there, only when you initiate a message with someone you haven't already corresponded with. You buy credits, reasonably priced, and it costs one credit to send out an initial message. I like that approach, and have never run across a scammer there.

I've been on match in the past and still have a hidden profile there but have not been motivated to re-up this go round.

My current favorite is OKC. I like to delve deeper than a standard profile allows. When these forums were actively promoted here this provided a great venue to learn how someone actually thinks. It made POF seem like a real community. Now it's just those of us who know the secret handshake who hang out here, and the lack of a steady stream of new participants means some of us just keep having the same arguments over the same things.

OKC has forums but they're barely used. But their optional questions can provide great insight and save a lot of false starts. My last two dates came from there, with another first date scheduled for tomorrow. The fact that I'm having my third first date in several weeks shows no there's no guarantee anywhere, but both of those first two fell into the "close but no cigar" category. Both were enjoyable dates, just not quite enough to warrant a second for one or both of us.

I have seen the occasional scammer here on POF, but far less than on Match. I've had one on OKC contact me, but there are also plenty of fake profiles easy to recognize by the way they're put together, always including an attractive woman half my age seeking men in my age range but offering little profile detail.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 64 (view)
 
West Virginia water crisis
Posted: 2/7/2014 10:33:10 PM
So just to update everyone, its been a month since this spill and few of the 300,000 affected residents trust their water. Schools open one day, close the next. I live outside the impacted area, but this weekend am hosting a friend who has been making do with rainwater for an entire month now, with all plumbing shut off awaiting replacement along with a contaminated hot water tank. It seems that heat aggravates the negative effects of contaminated water. It seems that the chemicals soak into PVC plumbing then gradually leech back out. But nobody knows for sure.

I usually avoid citing fox or msnbc, but this clip accurately portrays life for 1/6 of all West Virginians, over a month after an unprecedented spill contaminated their water.

http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/watch/confusion-reigns-in-botched-spill-response-142028867650
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 187 (view)
 
Is there such thing as too many sex partners?
Posted: 2/7/2014 9:35:17 PM

I'd be able to understand it as a woman who made bad choices in partners... and in who she breeds with... Sorry, she is still the common denominator here... Not the least of which, 2 failed relationships and she gets pregnant again before marriage?


Wow. Just wow.

I can think of several women I know with multiple children from different partners whose personal ethics far outshine many others I know of both genders whose offspring were all with the same mate.

Please join the twenty first century. Marriage is not a requirement for responsible parenting. Relationships can fail or end through no fault of one partner, and sometimes ending a relationship is far better for the children involved than continuing a contentious or abusive relationship.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
These tips are spot on...
Posted: 2/6/2014 9:24:10 PM

Hmmmm, maybe that could be another question on the PoF profile:
How long does it take you to get ready for a date: 0-30min; 30-60min; 60min-120min


Actually that IS one of the thousands of questions you can pick from to answer over on OKC. Or a variant. It's something like "how long does it take you to get ready to leave the house in the morning?" If someone answers enough questions over there you learn more about them than their mother and their last two exes know. Amazing what some people share. Kinda like these forums.....

As for skin tags, now we are all going to start seeing them everywhere. They're pretty innocuous, and I can't imagine thinking less of a date for having one. I've got one on my back somewhere that doesn't bother me, and sliced one off elsewhere this year that did bother me whenever I sat down. That took a couple of drinks for courage, a razor, a mirror, then a couple more drinks to get past the initial ouchiness. Speaking of sharing....

And come to think of it, after that process and all my self medication the universe DID seem to shift a bit....
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
These tips are spot on...
Posted: 2/6/2014 1:47:45 PM

I don't think the average man should tell a woman how to groom herself


And I certainly didn't intend my comment to be interpreted that way. I respect anyone's right to present themselves however they choose. I was merely expressing what I personally find attractive. Lots of women don't like beards. I'm not shaving mine at the behest of anyone. But ill be sure its recently trimmed if the occasion calls for it. Some men are drawn to women who put a lot of effort into their appearance. I'm drawn to a woman who might want to join me on a three week river camping trip through the Grand Canyon. It's a taste thing, not something that belongs on a dating tips list.

My main tip would be to dress appropriately for the date venue, whatever it may be. In my example we didn't tromp into the fancy restaurant in our hiking boots, but we also didn't need much time to switch wardrobes to transition to states that wouldn't raise eyebrows either.


Btw, is it just me or does the posting time out expire way too soon ? It's like the music coming on at a golden globe acceptance speech .


True, but the easy fix if you get prompted to log on after carefully drafting your posting masterpiece is to log on, then back page to your text and push post again. No need to race through typing or do a lot of copying and pasting.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
These tips are spot on...
Posted: 2/6/2014 12:12:36 PM

I think judging people by their attire at first blush is WAAAAY overblown. I prefer a first date/meet be as casual as possible, even sans makeup so you know what the 'Real' person is like - but too often no matter how casual you try to make it, people show up looking like it's a job interview.


Agreed

My last relationship started with a great first date. She was a forester, so we met for a hike in search of some old growth forest she had heard about. We had agreed that either could feel free to bail at any point, but came prepared to progress to stage two, a nice dinner at a nice restaurant nearby. We changed into dinner clothes in the restrooms and enjoyed a fine meal.

I always try to pick a casual setting for first meet, ideally a hike like that one but understanding not every woman is comfortable trotting into the woods with a new acquaintance. And in the call(s) leading up to the date I always include some talk about how dressed up we plan to get or not. No need for her to waste her time if she's hoping for a guy in a nice suit and I show up in jeans and button down shirt.

And agreed on the "sans makeup" preference. Every now and then a woman will proudly share that she never wears make up. Major bonus points!
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 126 (view)
 
Woman who sucks at sex!!!!
Posted: 2/6/2014 10:31:39 AM

My partner makes a point of pleasing me because doing so pleases him, and ultimately I will do what is needed to make sure he's as happy as I am.


And that same attitude in a woman is what makes her a great sex partner. The extent to which that's lacking determines how desirable she may or may not be, to me anyway. It's not hard to tell the difference between a woman who is eager to please, one that's merely willing to please, and one who is just willing to allow.

Sometimes two people just don't match up well, without one being "better" or "worse". Some women really like it rough, want to be slammed hard for long periods at a time. My back just can't maintain that indefinitely, and I'm more into sensual delights than becoming little more than a piston for 20 minutes straight. Doesn't make her bad at sex, just not a good match for what I have to offer. Now if much longer stretches of tongue, touches, combined with intercourse are your cup of tea....
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Does it matter if a person is a nudist?
Posted: 2/5/2014 8:04:00 PM
My father is politically conservative, teetotaling, never swears, 58 years married, and a nudist. He was fond at their last home of running naked through the woods and skinny dipping in their pond.

Having grown up with that plus having a circle of friends where nudity may not be a regular practice but with whom no fuss is made if we change out of wet river clothes in sight of each other, I wouldn't care one way or another if a date prospect announced a fondness for nudity early or late in our get to know you phase.

Personally I strive not to offend, but if others don't mind would much rather skinny dip or hot tub naked. I can't see myself doing outside chores naked or seeking out a nudist resort, but am certainly comfortable in my own skin, covered or not.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
These tips are spot on...
Posted: 2/5/2014 7:37:24 PM
I read both articles. I had to laugh at the men's list because two of the "don't s" are techniques I've used in the past when it was clear to me immediately that we weren't a good fit. Ideally there would be a graceful way to tactfully escape but when confronted with a woman a hundred pounds heavier and ten years older than she presented herself in her profile who then starts fawning all over me I have fallen back on talking non stop, often about politics, to assist her to lose interest.

The only thing I disagreed with in the women's list was the part about not coming across as super woman. This one's a fine line. I can enjoy helping out as much as any man, but I also admire a woman who is fully competent at taking care of herself. Should we form a relationship we'll figure out along the way which things each of us is better suited at taking the lead on. But I don't at all find helplessness or neediness appealing, and I find a woman who'd at least make an attempt to change a tire more appealing than one who will scream every time she sees a spider.

But that's just me. Pretty good advice overall, on both lists.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/3/2014 6:31:42 PM

Now, personally, I've NEVER asked a woman for sex. On a first date, or after.

Doesn't mean I've never had sex on a first date, or after. I've just never had to "ask" for it.


Ditto, or almost anyway. The only times I've ever asked have been when she's made it quite clear that the answer will be positive, and I haven't guessed wrong yet. NDT I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Please know men like Walts and I have plenty of company.

It's really not all that difficult to hold a decent conversation without taking it x-rated when that's not appropriate. If there's a spark of sexual interest it's so much better to nurse that spark with bits of tinder and kindling rather than smother it with big logs. Makes for a much better fire.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/3/2014 6:05:40 PM
It better be one hell of a picture to stimulate my interest, and not just of her looking attractive but of her doing something active that tells me she just might be a good match.

Anyone who's read me here knows I am not short on words, and appreciate a woman who can engage me in real conversation, not make me pry everything out of her.

So 99.9% of the time I'll pass a scant profile by. In fact if I get a short initiating message from someone and their profile is equally devoid of info I won't even respond to that either.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Is the friendzone even real...
Posted: 2/3/2014 3:39:36 PM

Those who choose and enjoy to be in the friend zone are usually homosexuals latent or out


Alas, the source of that quote has been escorted off the premises and all traces of her removed, including the other thread relating to friends with exes that spawned all sorts of fireworks.

The takehome from that thread was that some people are far more comfortable than others transitioning from relationship to friendship, but some are indeed comfortable with it. And I suspect those folk are also more willing to give a relationship a go with a friend without fearing total loss of friendship if it doesn't take.

I really think this is all a matter of vocabulary. You meet someone and sort out between the two of you how you might best get along, or not. Sometimes you try in one direction and end up in another. Sometimes you pledge to "just be friends" and never see each other again. Sometimes you indeed become good friends.

One thing very clear in the now defunct other thread is that people are very, very different in how they approach this concept. There are those who can't seem to ever interact with someone of the opposite gender without either some sort of sexual tension or judging them for the lack of it. Others might interchange male and female friends without hardly noticing their gender. They cherish the friendships and don't think of them in a sexual way.

And of course some are glad to include exes in their friend circle, but that's a topic for another thread that now isn't.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 401 (view)
 
Beards??? What is going on?
Posted: 2/3/2014 3:18:26 PM

As long as they are aware that such (if not used properly) can scratch surfaces in a rough way, and they can engineer their way around it, its A-okay.


Yup, got that covered. Different men have different beard characteristics, but from feedback over the years I think I've figured out not only the appropriate length, but also best grooming strategy to preclude an "ouch" when there should be an "oh.....ah......"

I first grew my beard at the request of my then girlfriend, many, many years ago. I've only shaved it off twice since. Both times I was told I looked younger without it, but since the face I was looking at WAS older than the last time I saw it, my reaction was the opposite. So in each case I immediately started growing it back and we had six more weeks of winter.

Some women like it, some not. Once a first date didn't happen because she insisted I shave off the beard first. Better to know that sort of thing right up front. I'm happy with it, which makes me happy with myself and more appealing to anyone I might be with.

Mine looks horrible if I let it grow very long, so I stick with an "8" mm beard trimmer setting and mow it at least once a week. I figure it's much like the glamour look some women prefer and others exchew. It lets prospects know what to expect and we can all go from there.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 170 (view)
 
Is there such thing as too many sex partners?
Posted: 2/3/2014 10:27:01 AM

I agree, but that's where communication sweeps in. Someone was trying to turn me on by doing something that turns MOST women on, but it doesn't work on me. When he did something I liked, I told him I like it, and to continue. He understood that the other thing wouldn't work for me, even when he tried it a couple of times.


And that's the crux of it all. Having a lot of partners MIGHT expose you to a wider range of techniques and such, but if you're like the man in your example it won't help you be a better lover. And trust me, there are women like that too, who think laying back and allowing sex to happen is all they need to do.

But what makes a good lover a good lover, for either gender, is tuning into your partner and figuring out what pleases them most while effectively communicating your likes to them.

And there's where quality trumps quantity. The bulk of my learning came from a small number of partners over the years who brought it all- enthusiasm, clear communication, eagerness to dial up the experience for BOTH of us in so many creative ways. They are the ones who gave me the experience to bring a healthy approach to any woman I'm with. Some people seem just destined to be bad lovers, others come by it naturally, and for the large number on the middle a considerate, enthusiastic partner focused on doing what YOU like can help make you better at returning the same approach to them.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
My Girlfriend Just broke up with Me. HELP!!!
Posted: 2/2/2014 7:01:18 PM
If he's not careful SHE'LL own the company by the time this is said and done....
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
How Risky Is Air-Travel?
Posted: 2/2/2014 6:12:57 PM
So back on topic, of sorts....

The helicopter pilots I've flown with always raise the point that given an engine failure they can autorotate down just about anywhere, and don't have to look for something resembling a runway. To all you fixed wing affiandos, what say you to that as a safety factor?
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Favorite documentary?
Posted: 2/2/2014 4:46:28 PM
"Too Hot Not To Handle" , an HBO documentary about climate change, but I'm a little prejudiced: I'm in it!
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Same, same but different
Posted: 2/2/2014 1:52:32 PM
I think you're on to something.

Here in the U.S. it's easy to think of us as being completely polarized, roughly split down the middle between conservatives and liberals.

And yet so many of us share the same values. We love our families and want to feel secure in our ability to provide for them. I've yet to meet a conservative who hates clean water or clean air, nor a liberal who hates having money in their pocket. Yet both sides consistently accuse the other of being nothing but a money hungry capitalist or socialist tree hugger.

We argue tooth and nail over the solutions. More regulation or less, more taxes or less, more money here, less money there, build or don't build a pipeline, it goes on and on. But often at the core of our disputes are simply two different approaches to embrace the same values.

Liberals may abhor the number of people in poverty and want more funding for social services. Conservatives may also wish less were in poverty but insist the way out is for them to work their way out, not give them something free they had to work for. So we battle over funding those services or not rather than sitting down together to address the root of the poverty. That's just one example.

If we could place more emphasis on shared values, then maybe focus research on how best to support those values, just maybe we wouldn't be at each others throats so much.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
My Girlfriend Just broke up with Me. HELP!!!
Posted: 2/2/2014 12:01:17 PM
Much good advice here. No need for me to pile on. This in particular should have value to you:


You did not "snap" because she was a *****. You became emotionally reactive when you felt threatened, egotistically and then, blamed her for your emotional inadequacies, moral and ethical incompetence! This is disturbing, horrid behaviour.


It's time you owned your emotions. Nobody else makes you happy, sad, angry. You choose to engage those emotions. Sometimes it's challenging not to be reactive, but remember that any time you let someone else dictate your emotions you're handing them control of how you feel. Make your own choices.

And another aspect not directly addressed here. How will your decision whether to hire her back impact the working environment at your workplace for any other employees? How will that impact productivity at work? Since you've chosen to mix work and personal life you're not the only two affected here.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How do I message a Mutual Meet me who has't message me first?
Posted: 1/30/2014 9:48:43 PM
Yup, what they said.

There may be guys who are turned off by a woman making first contact but I don't know any.

And I agree that sparse profiles often lead to sparse messages. I'm not very patient with those, but that's your call.

Good luck!
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 163 (view)
 
Is there such thing as too many sex partners?
Posted: 1/30/2014 6:55:35 PM

Well ... lower numbers also can show that they have absolutely no idea what to do in the bedroom. Personally, I prefer one with experience who knows what, when, and how to do it ....


+1

Of course this doesn't have to be the case. They might have been in one or two very long term relationships full of vibrant enthusiastic lovemaking, but yes, give me someone who knows their way around who truly savors quality sex, and odds are someone like that will have a fair number of notches on her bedpost.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Newish-used cars. Advise
Posted: 1/30/2014 7:49:20 AM
I'm a long time Toyota fan myself. Low maintenance and no problem finding parts or mechanics adept at fixing them. Currently I have a tacoma and a prius.

A Prius certainly meets your fuel efficiency criteria, and mine has needed little service, but when it does repairs can be expensive. When my muffler went the local shop couldn't just weld in a standard one due to constrictions on welding on a hybrid so I ended up with a much pricier replacement. Honestly there are a wide range of small cars that get pretty decent mpg to pick from.

Unless you do a lot of driving in sloppy conditions I'm not sure a Subaru is a good choice. Their fuel economy isn't that great and they're unique enough you'd want to have a dedicated Subaru mechanic handy. Many of my friends have them and while they do seem to keep getting down the road it seems like there is always something amiss that they're just putting up with.

One good thing to do with any prospective purchase is to run a carfax report on it to learn about its service history. That won't capture any backyard mechanic work but it will alert you to chronic problems, whether it's been in a flood, and generally what part of the country its spent its life in, which can matter. Southern cars tend to last longer than their northern kin.

And if you settle on just what car you want, it's worth doing an internet search to find the best price. Here in WV trucks are at a premium. When I bought my Tacoma I was pretty particular about the package I was looking for, and ended up saving a couple of thousand dollars over anything I could find here by doing a nationwide search, then flying one way to Utah to pick it up and drive it back. That was seven years ago and it's still going strong. Even if you don't want to get that extreme it's not unusual for prices to vary regionally, so looking a bit outside your region could save you money.

Good luck!
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 157 (view)
 
Is there such thing as too many sex partners?
Posted: 1/30/2014 7:23:51 AM

If someone has more than 5 or 6 partners in a lifetime the red flag should definitely go up.


In my age bracket, unless she's only had one or two decades long relationships, my red flag would certainly go up if she'd only had 5 or 6 partners. The implication there would be that she'd had years long periods of celibacy, and anyone comfortable with that would probably not be a good match for me.

But I don't ask for numbers. I can glean all I need to know from a general sense of her past combined with how she acts toward me.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Sharing sexual experiences with friends?
Posted: 1/29/2014 3:41:47 PM
I would agree that men tend to talk in generalities, women in more graphic detail if they're prone to talk at all. I've heard detail about myself come back around to me via the girl gossip grapevine that was incredibly accurate given the usual distortions any "telephone" game produces.

I don't care a bit about my own privacy in such things, but always strive to respect whatever discretion level my partner prefers. Some women are as comfortable with being open and forthright as I am. Others would like the world to think we've never seen each other naked, much less touched. That's her call, whatever it may be, and ill respect it.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Sexual comments and questions too early...
Posted: 1/29/2014 9:57:27 AM
I think it's just a matter of knowing how to have a dialogue. Sometimes sex talk happens sooner than others, but all one has to do is be sensitive to what is and isn't appropriate based on how the conversation is going. It's pretty easy to include statements that aren't blatantly sexual but leave the door open for the other person to go that direction if they choose to. This time of year I might ask "how has the cold weather affected you?" and she might respond talking about her furnace or wishing she had someone to snuggle up to. Either way I'll take take the conversation in the direction she chose.

My first message to a woman will never include anything overtly sexual. If she responds, I then respond to her response and the conversation flows from there with each of us feeding off what the other just said. It's just a matter of picking up on cues.

Of course some people have better conversational skills than others. I lose interest quickly if all I get are three word responses, and I'll ignore an opening message from a woman that has no substance. I hear there are men out there who shotgun women with blatant sexual come ons, and sometimes women do that to us, but it's not hard to read/delete and move on.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 154 (view)
 
Is there such thing as too many sex partners?
Posted: 1/29/2014 9:36:29 AM

also there's a certain biological factor in that the more partners you have the more tolerance you have to the bonding hormones you release during sex.


I think there's something to the "bonding hormones" concept, but I'm not convinced it works the way you describe. A scientist friend first introduced me to this concept, and coupled it with the theory that since men ejaculate into women the effect is accelerated in women vs. men, what with men taking longer to absorb fluids from their mate, sheerly from a volumetric perspective.

What I've noticed personally is if sex happens before I've started to feel a strong emotional draw I feel far less bonded than if the heart kicked in first. In those cases sex doesn't create any stronger emotional bond. But if I was feeling the heart strings tug first, whenever sex does happen there IS a sense of increased bonding afterward.

It's so hard to parse emotional vs physiological dynamics and the links between them, but at least in my experience having had a fair number of past partners there is no diminished capacity to fall deeply in love. As always it just takes the right connection with the right person.


you can bet a guy who's used to running around sticking his shaft into everything will have trouble settling down with a single person


I don't think that's true. I can think of several examples with both genders where someone followed a promiscuous period with a successful long term relationship. I think it's more a matter of time in life combined with finding the right partner.

I used to love fast sports cars. Now I love my Prius. I had a lot of fun then and get every bit as much fulfillment now out of getting 50 plus mpg. I think the same holds true for playing the field vs settling down in a relationship.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 153 (view)
 
Is there such thing as too many sex partners?
Posted: 1/29/2014 7:47:46 AM
^^^^^^^
Yeah that. I don't worry about the number for anyone I'm with. I just want to know they have no std's and that we're both on the same page as to our commitment to each other.

As a 55 year who has been single roughly half my adult life, my number is high enough it might give some pause, yet I've yet to test positive for an std and I've never been unfaithful in a committed relationship. If those last two factors aren't enough then we probably aren't a good match.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 106 (view)
 
CFNM Parties, fun or not?
Posted: 1/28/2014 11:22:19 PM
Ya know, I was invited to one of these once and declined. I've often wondered if I might have enjoyed myself, but never got another invite and I didn't get the sense that it was going to be as structured as here, although I was given the option of wearing a hood with eye holes so none of the participants would recognize me later, theoretically.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
 
West Virginia water crisis
Posted: 1/26/2014 10:37:56 PM
Yes it was cold, but not unprecedented cold. No other tank suffered from it. But the real failure was the lack of an adequate spill containment system. Any number of things could result in a leaking tank, some preventable, some not. That's why it's important to have backup systems, just as cars have seat belts and airbags and crumple zones.

For the record, I don't personally live in the affected area, but I once did. And not only did I have a water stash, I also had basic shelter in place materials to seal off my living quarters from any airborne toxic releases. I didn't much like living in chemical valley and did move, but within a few feet of me as I write this is a full 6 gallon jug of water, and not much farther a 93 gallon storage tank. And a backup generator, alternate light sources, enough dried and canned food to last a couple of weeks and a rifle to hunt for more if it came down to it. I'm reasonably well prepared even if I don't have a bunker or months of supplies.

This leak may or may not have been preventable. I suspect it was. But regardless there should have been more safeguards, better preparedness by the utility, and better response by all involved.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 55 (view)
 
West Virginia water crisis
Posted: 1/26/2014 4:11:34 PM
^^^^^^
Agreed to both key questions. Had the spill not happened I think Freedom would have stayed in business, and the whole ownership and control spiderweb is hard to sort out, but there are plenty of deep pockets with at least some financial interest, but they've taken great care to legally distance themselves since this incident.
You're right that DEP should have inspected, and that WVAW, the utility, should have both been better prepared and handled the crisis better.

But blaming DEP is like blaming a sergeant when a general makes a mistake. I worked for DEP for six years doing policy work. WV is a small state. Any business can pretty easily contact the governors office if they find state inspectors bothersome, and often the governor then calls the head of DEP and asks them to back off. I saw that kind of thing happen more than once.

The problem lies with our elected leaders, who are overly responsive to business interests. It also lies with voters, who are so dependent on scarce jobs they fear raising much fuss with powerful business lobbies. Even this time, with 300,000 people without water due to a spill of a chemical only used by the coal industry, pure hard pressed to find anyone who will vocalize that coal companies would hold their suppliers to higher standards, even though the auto industry has a fine record of doing just that with their suppliers.
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
West Virginia water crisis
Posted: 1/26/2014 11:53:06 AM
So as a follow up, yesterday the same state DEP who claimed no regulatory authority over storage tanks ordered this facility completely dismantled and all chemicals removed by march 15. Suddenly they've found basis for authority. We can only hope that momentum continues. And various band aid bills are bouncing around the legislature, while at the same time they're acting to further weaken state water quality standards. The beat goes on....
 Wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
West Virginia water crisis
Posted: 1/22/2014 9:27:04 PM
Match you're right that there was a decrepit containment system around this tank. The spill flowed right through it. The state did fall down on the job, but not at the inspector level. I worked six years for the state department of environmental protection and I know how this kind of thing works. While DEP might have been able to find justification to do an inspection on this tank, and that's still unclear due to what appears to be a loophole that exempts tanks at facilities only used for storage, the governors office would have received a call. The governor would have called his secretary of the environment, who would have called off the inspector. I've witnessed that sort of thing more than once.

And you're right about the challenges of coping with storm water runoff. One of the compromises of the clean water act was to go easy on non point pollution to appease the farm lobby, so if it doesn't come out of a pipe there's a lot less mandate to work with.

Our states are at the opposite end of the environmental regulation spectrum. CA often sets precedent that the rest of the country either embraces or rejects. WV consistently looks for ways to avoid even minimal compliance with federal standards. This was not an isolated incident, simply a more prominent than usual continuation of business as usual.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
West Virginia water crisis
Posted: 1/22/2014 9:02:18 AM

what's with this "new regulations" bullshit??? why are you turning this into a chance to take a swipe at conservatives? this has NOTHING to do with political bias. the state should have been enforcing the regulations that were already on the books. you said yourself the tanks hadn't been inspected in 22 years. somebody should be getting fired and then sued for gross negligence. what the **** are these people doing all day, playing with themselves under the desk? how many morons does it actually take to not be paying attention for that long to let something like this happen?

I'm interested in people coming up with more intelligent and obvious solutions to problems than the standard "throw another regulation at it". these so-called authorities were already falling down on the job. if the govt can't enforce the regulations it already has, what in the hell makes you think giving them more power is going to change anything?? why don't you start regulating your lazy assed, incompetent, apathetic, irresponsible, dangerous politicians and put someone in there who can get things done.


Well....it seems there ARE no regulations on tanks used solely for storage. The decades old inspection was done when the facility both manufactured and stored chemicals. So that negates much of your rant.

And if you caught my earlier post, in WV being conservative is not tied to a single political party. Yes the issue is political because industrial lobbyists have such clout here that neither party is willing to regulate, nor fund existing regulations. Only federal mandates have created what little environmental protection we have, and almost all of the funding for those efforts comes through federal grants.

So the intelligent solutions you suggest MUST include regulation, unless you can come up with some other incentive for facilities to regularly inspect their own tanks, provide adequate spill protection, advise potentially impacted local utilities and communities of the chemicals they store, and sufficiently test those chemicals so potential adverse effects and effective remediation in the event of a spill are well known by emergency responders. That's my stab at an intelligent solution, but I can't fathom how to get there without regulation. Suggestions?

My favorite quote from the first week of this disaster: "Ah, so this is how trickle down economics works."

My favorite quote from the second week: "If Al Qaeda had done this we would have already invaded the wrong country by now."
 
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