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 Author Thread: What is wrong with the persons profile above you in this thread?
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 2639 (view)
 
What is wrong with the persons profile above you in this thread?
Posted: 4/11/2007 1:12:02 PM
^^^ Nothing wrong there.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 12:58:08 PM
How do you maintain a positive attitude and keep going in your search for your soulmate? How do you fight back the negative thoughts and the it'll-never-happen's when people keep turning you down? And for those of you who have found your soulmate, through this site or any other, how long did it take? Thanks.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 2624 (view)
 
What is wrong with the persons profile above you in this thread?
Posted: 4/10/2007 7:22:11 PM
^^^
Trying not to judge by his compatibility with me, but rather by the profile itself as seen through the eyes of someone he might be compatible with, I can find two things.

1.) Pictures are fuzzy and out of focus.
2.) I don't understand.The periods thrown in.To the middle of the sentences.

Good sense of humor, though.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 83 (view)
 
HAVE YOU EVER DATED YOUR OWN SIGN?
Posted: 4/10/2007 6:58:46 PM
It's fun to think about, and I wouldn't want to dismiss it entirely, but I must say that if there were anything "to" astrological signs, I should have been in Heaven when I was married to that Scorpio. A Cancer female/Scorpio male is supposed to be one of the best combinations going.

Let's just say it was not Heaven.

In addition to that Scorpio, there have been with mixed results three Geminis, an Aquarius, and a Capricorn, plus the sign I seem to have the worst luck with. No offense to you rams, but it's Aries I can't get along with to save my life. We've never been compatible. My older brother (younger than me, but the older of the two brothers) is an Aries, and we fought like cats and dogs all throughout childhood. And there have been three relationship attempts with Aries men that have all ended up in the toilet FAST. If there is an astrological explanation, it's that Cancer is too sensitive and easily hurt, while Aries is hardly careful where he steps and WILL hurt her.

No, I've never dated another Cancer, but I sure would like to try. My younger brother is also a Cancer, and I've always gotten along nicely with him. I'd probably get along well with men *like* him. The trouble: In my younger years, on two separate occasions I had a crush on a Cancer male, and neither of them returned the feelings for me. Sigh.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 385 (view)
 
Guys that cry.....Good or bad?
Posted: 4/10/2007 6:26:49 PM
I see your point, mfh. If you don't get sad, you don't get sad. What reason have you to cry? Unless you're on a game show and just won the big bucks. Suddenly become a millionaire, and you might just shed a few tears of joy. And you've also made it clear you exclude funerals from your general viewpoint. Some men don't even exclude funerals. I remember watching a film biography about Elvis once, and during the scene that showed him crying about his mother's death, a young man around 19 or 20 muttered, "Bawlbaby." Of course someone asked him, wouldn't he cry if his mother died? With a macho swagger he answered, "Hell no. I'd be laughing." I knew his mother. I knew him. And I knew he was full of it. I found that attitude absolutely disgusting, even if it was clearly as fake as a three-dollar bill.

When I was around 11, I snapped my collar bone in half like a toothpick, on the playground at school. I *didn't* cry because, never mind the pain, I was too embarrassed to cry in front of my classmates. They would have made a bigger deal out of me crying than out of me having a broken bone. And that's a girl we're talking about. I think a boy would have been even more stigmatized. Suffering an injury and not crying used to be a sign of being "tough," which at least in my neighborhood was all that mattered. You were "tough" or you were nothing.

But all this--the broken bone and the Elvis biography--was the 1970's. Times and attitudes have changed, I hope. I still find the occasional man who will say "crying is for wimps," but I will dismiss that man AND his attitude in less time than it takes to say "pass me a kleenex." This certainly isn't the type of man I'm looking for on PoF. No, I wouldn't want a man who cries all the time over every little problem, but then I don't find that kind of thing very desirable in a female friend either. I stand by the first post I made on this thread: I have far more respect for a man who will let himself cry when he has reason, than for one who refuses no-matter-what. As for me, I've worked hard on my own inhibitions and have a lot easier time releasing my emotions than I once did. I've come to the conclusion that too much crying isn't healthy, but then neither is never crying at all.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 455 (view)
 
Would you date someone who is on welfare?
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:39:15 AM
In one of my first posts I believe I stated my position on those with physical or mental impairments would be discluded as they cannot be held accountable should their health fail. I would double their allotment in benefits.

Its those who have given up or just don't want to work a "crap" job that are the focus.


Yeah, that's what I thought you were saying. I just had to work in that mini-rant somehow.

I have little patience with the chronically unemployed when they don't even act on job leads. Tell them that such-and-such place is hiring, and it's "Nah. They don't pay enough." Then tell them that such-and-such other place is hiring, and it's "Nah. They're too far away from a bus stop. (I'd actually have to walk a couple hundred yards to get to the front door.)" For a third, "Nah, I don't want to do second shift." Always something. After a while, it's clear that these people don't really WANT to work. They just want to act as if they're looking.

{ot} By the way, mfh, I tried to respond to your "I was being facetious" on another thread (the Michael Landon comment) with "So was I, but I didn't do very well." But I had two of the last ten posts there, so it wouldn't let me. And I couldn't e-mail you because of the 75-mile thing. Now I can say it. I know you were joking. Everything's cool on my end if it is on yours.{/ot}
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 453 (view)
 
Would you date someone who is on welfare?
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:11:08 AM
OK, at first the answers that seemed to be judgmental offended me too. Then it was pointed out that the OP refers to welfare, not disability or any other kind of assistance.

As a person with a disability, who would give anything to work for a living if I actually could, I will assume that the judgments of people on welfare--that they're just lazy and would rather have things handed to them than to try and work--don't apply to me. I don't agree with that assessment of ALL people on welfare, either, although it does gall me to see the stereotypical "welfare mama" with seven children by seven fathers, who draws that check every month.

I was disabled in a car accident and have other medical issues as well. Before that I worked as a nursing assistant, something I no longer have the physical capability of doing. I have attempted numerous times to get back into the work force. I don't get hired, for one thing; people do discriminate when they see a cane. "I'm sorry, we're not hiring. (We were yesterday, but today we're suddenly not.) " "I'm sorry, the position has been filled. (By somebody who's a lot younger, cuter, and more physically able than you.)"

And often the first thing people will say to me when I mention going back to work is, "Be careful not to lose your SSI." Which would only happen if I made too much money to qualify for it. Oh, how I hate hearing that. Hey, if I'm doing medically well enough to work for a living, I don't *need* the freaking SSI, do I?

But so far I'm not. Does this make me undateable? To some, it would seem so.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Profile pet peeves
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:45:34 AM
On pet photos: Let's add the stipulation that it has to be your own pet, not some kind of prop to trick animal lovers. One guy admitted to me that he didn't actually have a dog. For his profile photos, he borrows his neighbor's adorable little long-haired chihuahua and cuddles it for the camera. Totally reels in the ladies, who pick him up with, "Cute dog!"

On the objection to talking about religion, I don't understand, please clarify. Agreement about an important issue such as religion would seem to be a major criteria for deciding whether someone is a match. Would you please tell me why you feel that talking about religion in someone's profile is inappropriate? Thanks.

Re the self-photos (Post above mine, quoting my previous post; I'll be like Eeyore and say "Thank you for noticing me."): How about bad self-photos from an unflattering angle? I really DON'T like looking directly into someone's nostrils.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 318 (view)
 
Long hair on older women
Posted: 4/6/2007 12:22:57 AM
Bunn, we don't know specifically who you're talking to when you tell them they should cut their hair, because which posts you're responding to doesn't come through in your reply. However, I must remind you than no one here is your eye candy. If we're old enough that you think we should cut our hair, then we're certainly old enough to make that decision ourselves.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 917 (view)
 
what is everyones opin on tattoos?
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:58:16 AM
Normally I despise tattoos. I don't despise people WITH tattoos, just the tats themselves. However, I can be impressed when they are especially creative. My brother has one that just melts me. The artist copied my (then newborn) nephew's footprints off the birth certificate and tattooed them, with the baby's name, right over his Daddy's heart. Awwwww. Six years later, I still say that's the most wonderful tattoo I've ever seen.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Profile pet peeves
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:22:05 AM
Some of these may have already been mentioned, but I'll chime in with my pet peeves.

1.) Shirtless pictures. They scream the message, "I'm looking for sex."

2.) Bad spelling, punctuation, and grammar. An occasional typo or misspelling of a commonly misspelled word doesn't bother me, but when the whole profile is full of text message shorthand and run-on sentences with no capitals, it looks adolescent to me.

3.) An arrogant screen name or opening line: something like "God's gift to women," "Your dream come true," or whatever.

4.) Information not filled out; full of "I'll tell you later."

And probably the biggest pet peeve I've ever come across:

5.) A man demands that the woman he seeks be slender, especially offensive when he himself is no twig. I've even seen some that put in their profile something like "Fatties need not apply." How rude.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 311 (view)
 
Long hair on older women
Posted: 4/2/2007 2:20:12 PM
"It starts to look terrible if it is grey or on women in their 60's onwards. "

Can't agree with you when I look at my 60+ mother, whose salt-and-pepper long hair looks very nice on her.

Any statement resembling "a woman over X number of years doesn't look good with long hair and should cut it" is a generalization. It's the same as saying "all men think with their pants." If I made such a blanket statement, the men who are exceptions (most of them, I'm sure) would have every right to take offense. It's not "getting pissy" on someone. It's stating facts. Generalizations are false. (Yes, I realize that "generalizations are false" is a generalization.)

Now, I'd like to see someone take this one: Say a 60+ woman does have long, stringy, frizzy hair that doesn't look good on her and makes her resemble a Halloween witch, but she likes it and wants it that way. Whose business is it?

As we often say at my favorite long-hair-appreciative website, for which a couple of you have received links, "I am not here to decorate your world."
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 304 (view)
 
Long hair on older women
Posted: 4/1/2007 12:44:23 PM


Ooh I love this question because everytime I see a woman with long hair I immediately check out the face to see how old it is!

(snipped for space)
Regain my youth? Nothing can do that... and that is a sad reality...I certainly do not think my hair is going to...What a pompous ass!!


I see I have a sister I didn't know about.

So long hair shouldn't go with an "old" face, because long hair is a symbol of youth...but long hair ages a woman. Both of those cannot be true.

And the respondent is entirely correct. Who says "aged" automatically equals "ugly"? There are lots of beautiful older women in the world...and some butt-ugly young ones.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 363 (view)
 
Guys that cry.....Good or bad?
Posted: 4/1/2007 5:54:11 AM

Micheal Landon cried a lot and look what happened to him.....he died of cancer.

LOL, so now crying causes cancer? That's OK. So does everything else.

Linda McCartney, who didn't smoke or drink and was a lifelong vegetarian, died of cancer also. Meanwhile George Burns, a smoker, drinker, and partier, lived to be 100. I'm glad Mr. Burns lived that long, but if life were fair, Mrs. McCartney AND Mr. Landon would have done the same.

By the way, John Wayne--everyone's image of the ultimate tough guy and a "real man;" we would never have imagined him crying--died of cancer too.

The world's losing Michael Landon so early had nothing to do with his willingness to show his emotions.

 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 4/1/2007 5:44:16 AM
Hey, Tyger, one suggestion...and this has been said to me too. About the pictures on your profile, you might consider adding at least one with a big smile. You seem to look a bit sad and expressionless in your pictures...as do I in some of mine.

Both of us need to show our happy sides a little more.

I'm really glad for the peaceful tone this thread is starting to take. We all need to be supportive of each other, not critical.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 297 (view)
 
Long hair on older women
Posted: 3/31/2007 4:53:28 PM

Nothing worse than seeing a long long head of hair where only maybe 1/3 of it looks healthy & nice and the rest looks dry and like a rat's nest full of split ends but still they dont want to cut it!! Whats up with that anyway?

See my previous diatribes; I'm not going to keep repeating myself.

But what does bear emphasis here is the health factor. If only maybe 1/3 of it looks healthy and nice, but the rest looks as you describe, it is being poorly maintained. It is not the length of the hair that is unflattering in that situation. It is the poor condition of it. LONG HAIR DOES NOT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE THAT!!!

And who says long hair is always about looks? I do need to point out that there are women who grow their hair for religious reasons. Some denominations even frown on trimming the split ends; the women in those churches have never even met a pair of scissors. I don't personally agree with taking it to that extreme, but their convictions should be respected.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 103 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/31/2007 12:54:31 PM
Ah, well good, we're starting to civilize up a little. All of us, I mean, not just the OP. I know, speaking for myself, I'm starting to get a little less negative and bitter now than I've been coming across as lately.

As I replied to Tyger's e-mail, I made some statements that I thought would be pertinent here. Maybe others who feel the same way that Tyger does might be interested.

I think it needs to be pointed out that we all have different ideas of physical beauty. We're attracted by different things. For me, I don't like those thoroughly ripped, hypermasculine, muscle men. In my opinion they are NOT hot. Give me a big old soft, plush teddy bear I can cuddle up next to. I like being snuggled so much that someone who looks snuggly is what I'm going to find attractive, where some other woman might consider him a fat slob. As for the geeky-looking guy with the glasses, they definitely have their admirers too. I had the biggest A-number-one crush on Billy, from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. You know, the original Blue Ranger....the geeky one with the glasses? Forget Tommy and Jason, who for some reason I couldn't figure out always seemed to get the girls. My heart was with Billy. And I still think David Yost, the actor who played him, is hotter than any Brad Pitt around.

So...since I like the big cuddly teddy bears, I'm not going to even try for the bodybuilding muscle types. Burst of insight--I guess that means I'm judging on looks too. Does this make me Shallow Harriet?
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/31/2007 11:25:47 AM
I have made a few changes to my profile. People are really getting the wrong idea about me on here. Maybe now when people read it they won't assume I'm a "PIG".


Tyger...I'm trying to come across gently here, not judgmentally. Since tone of voice doesn't come through on a message board, just try to imagine very soft words. Please understand this.

It isn't your profile that's putting people off. There is nothing wrong with it, and there hasn't been. I haven't seen a response here yet that judges you by your profile. What bugs me, and a few others, is your forum posts. They say more about any person than his or her profile does. I know. I can get whiny and pessimistic too.

Edited to add this, since a thought occurred to me right after I hit submit.

I have a propensity for quoting the lyrics of country songs when they pertain to the situation. For you I recommend "She's More" by Andy Griggs, which goes in part:

I like blue eyes, hers are green
Not like the woman of my dreams
And her hair's not quite as long as I had planned
Five foot three isn't tall
She's not the girl I pictured at all
In those paint by number fantasies I've had

So it took me by complete surprise
When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes
She's not at all what I was looking for
She's more.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 290 (view)
 
Long hair on older women
Posted: 3/30/2007 1:08:10 PM
Desperate attempt to hold on to their youth.....yeah, makes me picture Auntie Em with her long hair in a bun. Real youthful image.

These things weren't said when it used to be assumed, in general, that all women would let their hair grow. In a more religiously conservative society, people would (and some still do) apply First Corinthians 11 and teach that a woman shouldn't cut her hair at all. Then, long hair was seen as a sign of a God-fearing woman, not as one who's still "desperately" trying to be young and sexy when she's not "allowed" to be so anymore.

A few generations ago, short hair used to be the trademark of a shameless hussy. Now, it seems, long hair is. There's a similar shift with makeup. It used to be that a "painted woman" was thought to be immoral. Now, listening to many people, she's not even considered properly groomed and fit to appear in public without makeup on. Miss Manners remarks (paraphrased): When did society go from "A lady MAY paint" to "A lady MUST paint?" Similarly, I ask, When did society go from "A lady MAY cut" to "A lady MUST cut?"

Isn't it strange how society's views change over time?

For the curious: yes, I do have a religious conviction associated with the length of my hair. But that's between me and God only, and does not reflect what I believe any other woman should do. I do not believe, as some Pentecostal denominations teach, that the woman in the next pew is less "holy" than I am because she cuts her hair and wears slacks instead of skirts. And I do, unlike those more conservative Pentecostals, wear makeup and jewelry.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
good men do xcist
Posted: 3/30/2007 1:00:05 PM
Sorry, can't get over the spelling. OP is from Australia, which is also an English-speaking country.

Also still jaded over his "it's always the woman's fault" attitude, waiting for his reply to that.

Peace, all. :)
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Do you like emails from guys that are not interested?
Posted: 3/30/2007 5:13:40 AM
I think it's great as long as, just like the second post said, the intentions are clearly stated. Myself, I occasionally want to send someone a quick comment that would be OT on the forums... "Love your screen name." "Cute dog." "What part of California did you grow up in?" "You might enjoy this web site I go to." If there's not a restriction that stops me from e-mailing it, such as a distance stipulation, I'll send it. And by all means, I welcome the same thing back. But this doesn't mean I want to connect to them romantically. I'm looking for Mr. Right, yes, but I would e-mail a man or a woman for reasons mentioned above--and friends are always welcome.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/30/2007 4:59:08 AM
^^^Yep! Another score for the POF forums. This is the second time in, oh, something like a week, that I have seen people moving closer to the same page in their debating, instead of doing what the psychologists call "polarizing"--digging in your heels and sticking to your own point of view no-matter-what.

Good to see the trend.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Thinking about erasing my profile
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:49:32 PM
I seriously considered erasing mine. I challenged even one person to care enough to ask me not to--and fortunately that happened, so I'm staying. Hopefully, OP, if I ask you to stick around you'll feel the same slight boost of encouragement.

I say "slight boost" because, while it did feel wonderful to be asked to stay, and I'm grateful to the person who cared, I remain quite discouraged. I'm a bit down on myself lately, and I find myself wondering whether the lack of marketing response is due to insufficient advertising (ie, profile could be improved) or just a bad product....

{off topic} Fupped Duck--I couldn't e-mail you to say it, because of your 75 mile restriction, but I just wanted to say I LOVE YOUR SCREEN NAME!{/off topic}
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:54:21 PM

i see way more conventionally beautiful gals with less conventional guys than the other way around.


Light bulb flashes...do you know, you're right? Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett, for goshsakes. Yes, they're divorced now, but she did marry him. Talk about Beauty and the...well, you know.

(Actually, I'm not going to call Mr. Lovett a "beast." He may look like one, but he really is a true gentleman.)
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
good men do xcist
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:44:40 PM
most of the good guys have been bashed into the corner by ex g/friends and is hard to trust again so wen all u gals say ur x was a a***hole remember he was only doing wat he tyhought was best in most cases


First, thanks for the title of the thread...I need the encouragement.

Second, on the other hand I'm having trouble following the OP. (LOL at the "pig latin" remark. )

The OP seems to be saying, if I can translate it correctly, that if a man has trust issues, it's because of a bad relationship in which "she" bashed him into a corner. But when a woman has trust issues and says her ex was an @$$hole, it's because he was doing what he thought was best, and she took him wrong.

Ipso facto, it is always the woman's fault. Good men do exist, but apparently good women do not. Is this what OP is saying? I hope not.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:33:38 PM
The plain truth is that dating and relationship coaches are still telling us women never to make the first move. We're not even "allowed" to call him until much father into the relationship, and on a site such as this one, we're advised not to send the initial "flirt" or outright e-mail, but to wait for him to contact us.

While women have advanced in their search for equal status, or so claim the experts, the dating world has not caught up. Theory is that the men are programmed to be the hunters, and therefore the pursuers. If she approaches him first, it might be momentarily flattering, but in the end she's not the one he's going to choose. He's going to go for the girl who lets *him* pursue *her.* Or so goes the garbage I read in those "Catch Him and Keep Him" books.

So, gentlemen, if we ladies treat you in a way that confuses you, often it's because we're confused as hell ourselves.

And the endless rejection, or being just plain ignored, is equally frustrating for us. Sometimes I wonder whether a lack of marketing response is the fault of insufficient advertising, or a faulty product.....
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Bad Bed Partner!
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:16:49 PM
On the shoving it in her mouth and then blaming her when she puked all over him--that was discussed in a support group, and an 89-year-old woman said the same thing Brownshugguh said. "Nobody would ever have forced me. I'd have bit it." The image of that frail little old lady doing something like that just strikes me as hilarious.

And that issue raises questions about this one:


some brod while i was working my fingers in her ass she just blew a nasty one that's when i said this shit gotta stop

Dude, are you sure it didn't have anything to do with your technique? Exactly how were you working your fingers....never mind, I don't really want to know. But maybe it wasn't her fault. And the fact that you refer to a sex partner as "some broad" (spelling error corrected) shows that you didn't really respect her in the first place.

The good part was I had an entire shopping list, and my calendar for the week done up in my head by the time he was done. Productive.

Oh, THAT'S funny!
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:37:09 PM
OK, first of all, OP, I'm not going to blast you at all for being a virgin. It used to be that virginity wasn't considered a mark of shame but a badge of honor, since waiting for marriage was/is the ideal. Anyone who can still do that in this day and age deserves to be commended, not ridiculed.

My problem with you is not so much that you insist on a physically attractive woman. My issue with you is that, while insisting on a physically attractive woman, you are also condemning the ones who judge you by your looks. You seem to be having trouble grasping the contradiction there. It is OK for *you* to dismiss a woman on the basis of physical attraction, but not for *them* to do the same to you.

I entirely agree, by the way, about the ditzy or rude behavior detracting from beauty. Who wants someone who's pleasant to look at but hell to live with?

And now the reason it's such an issue for me: I mentioned this on another thread, but I think it's relevant here too. I can just see OP behaving this way in this circumstance, and I hope he'll come back on this thread and reassure me he wouldn't. A neighbor tried to fix me up with a blind date. Mind you, I'd never seen this man before in my life. When he arrived, he took one tiny glance at me, laughed, turned to my neighbor and said, "You b****," and left. Didn't even give me a chance. The ultimate example of judging a woman by looks. And every time another man insists that ONLY physically beautiful women are worthy of him... ugh. I see every shade of red imaginable.

OP, the suggestion not to pay attention to what the pretty boys can get, but just concentrate on yourself and what you want, is the soundest advice you're going to receive. It was very well said.

************ADDITION******************
OP, I have now been to your profile and looked at your pictures more closely. Poor vision kept me from seeing the thumbnail versions clearly, and I wanted to see by zooming in closer what all the fuss over looks was about.

And now, I'm even less clear on what all the fuss over looks is about. You say you can't get the pretty girls because you're not a handsome hunk. What's wrong with your looks that you think you're less than a pretty boy? I don't see where the Hottiewoods are any better than you. In my case it's being plus size, but in your case, why would a woman turn you down on the basis of looks? I can think of other reasons to turn you down, like your attitude for example, but looks isn't one of them.

 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:20:30 AM
^^^(tearyeyed) Thanks, Misty. That did the trick. I will now work on repairing my profile and taking the suggestions that Billbutler made.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Wedding Vows - Shouldn't we change the words?
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:00:08 AM
Isaiah 34:14, King James Version

14The wild beasts of the desert shall also meet with the wild beasts of the island, and the satyr shall cry to his fellow; the screech owl also shall rest there, and find for herself a place of rest.

?? I'm not finding Lilith. Not trying to be smug, just trying to learn. Does the name appear there symbolically, i.e. as the satyr or the screech owl? (In other words, "Lilith" as a name could mean one of those things. I don't know.) Or maybe the verse was mistyped, and "Lilith" shows up somewhere else. But a search for "Lilith" at Biblegateway.com doesn't show anything up.

It is my understanding that Satan appears in the Old Testament. Opening chapters of Job, for one thing.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/29/2007 1:49:33 AM
Donald Trump once said that ALL men would date only the young supermodels "if they could get them." This was implying, of course, that HE can, because he's obscenely rich. It must be the bucks that draw the supermodels, because I don't see anything else in Donald Trump that I would desire.

So, OP, if you want the supermodels, I guess that's where you're going wrong. It's not your looks, it's that you're not a multi-billionaire. Men go for looks. Women go for dollar signs. Stereotype, stereotype, stereotype.

As for you men complaining about women in general, and how endlessly cruel we are to you, well, I want to point out that not one of you on this site will even send me a freaking e-mail. I've already got the information on my profile that I'm considering quitting this place, but won't if even one person asks me to stay, and so far that hasn't been done. My profile gets viewed--but 100% ignored. If I quit here, no one will notice, let alone care. And you say WE'RE mean to YOU? How ironic is it that I'm being treated like dirt by men who complain about how vicious women are?
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:37:51 PM
^^^and your point is?
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:26:51 PM
^^^hee, hee.

I noticed OP's priority list:

I just want a woman who is attarctive, has a decent body, and is a good person

Well, let's break that down.

Priority one: Attractive (misspelled, by the way.) That's looks, coming in first place.
Priority two: Has a decent body. Looks wins the silver medal as well as the gold.
Priority three: Is a good person. Finally third we get to personality.

A woman can have everything going for her in the brains, talent, and personality portions of the contest, but if she's not a looker, OP won't "settle" for her. (Oops. Sorry, Psssst.) But when women judge OP on looks, they're stereotyping him.

What's wrong with this picture?
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 283 (view)
 
Long hair on older women
Posted: 3/28/2007 5:21:21 PM
^^Thank you very much for your compliments. Sorry if I was ranting, but that notion that women HAVE to cut their hair because they reach a certain age just gets me every time.

Still awaiting beancounter's permission to quote him.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/28/2007 5:14:14 PM

If I hear the word settle again, I’m going to lose my lunch.


I'm with you, Psssst.

Thanks for the backup, those of you who provided it. I appreciate that.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 280 (view)
 
Beancounter414...
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:55:09 AM
I couldn't e-mail you because of your 75-mile restriction. And I couldn't add this to my previous post, because the 15 minutes had expired. That's why two posts in a row.

I just wanted you to know I tried to contact you and thank you for what you said. There is a site I go to that is specifically geared to long hair, and I wanted to quote you there, but not without your permission. I think many of the regulars on that site are going to love the part about women trying to cut down on their competition by telling their friends to cut their hair. Do I have the go-ahead?
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 279 (view)
 
Long hair on older women
Posted: 3/28/2007 7:14:43 AM
I totally agree with twenty-five...you hit the nail on the head. It is really funny why older women with long frizzy hair thinks that is attractive?? Shorter healthy hair will take years off you looks!!!

Oh, please. Stop perpetuating the myth that older women are NOT ALLOWED to have long hair. Just because *you* have short hair doesn't mean we all have to cut ours. Long hair doesn't have to frizz, dry out, split, or break off. If it does, it's not being cared for properly. I challenge you to look at me and say truthfully that my hair isn't healthy, or that it makes me look older. If it does, why am I frequently mistaken for my daughters' sister, considering they're 23 and 21?

IMHO, there is nothing that ages a woman faster than short hair. This has always been one of my pet-peeves. And why is it that it's always women that are urging their "friends" to cut their hair short????? Personnaly, I think they are just trying to reduce the competition.

Bean, YOU'RE the one who hit the nail on the head. I noticed the same pattern you pointed out. The votes for short hair are ALL coming from women. MEN LIKE LONG HAIR! And hairdressers, of course, feed women this long-hair-ages-you crap so they can get the gullible ones sitting in their chair for a trim, perm, and dye every six weeks. Money in their pockets.

I have to say I disagree with you bean. I am 46 and have had short hair since the early 80's. I dont believe it has aged me at all. I can do many different styles with my hair which I like and I dont miss my long hair at all. Besides, I get to pamper myself often by getting it cut,styled and colored.

I wouldn't consider that pampering. I'd consider it torture. I get to pamper myself often with deep conditioning, herbal rinses, and essential oils-- and the number of hair styles I can try out is darn near infinite.

Sorry, people, no one is ever going to convince me to cut my hair.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Wedding Vows - Shouldn't we change the words?
Posted: 3/28/2007 1:51:13 AM
To the non-believers I propose a deal: Don't ridicule me for believing, and I won't bother you for not. Can some people have a discussion on their views of God without others putting them down for believing in Him? I have MORE than "an ounce of brains and a smidgen of curiosity, " by the way. I don't believe in God and the Bible because my parents or some preacher told me I should. I believe in God and the Bible because I have decided to do so.

And yes, I have actually read the Bible.

Where Lilith does not appear, by the way. Eve is the first woman. I don't know where other religions conjured up some Lilith from.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/28/2007 1:42:33 AM
We can applaud Shallow Hal here all we want for "not settling," but it still ticks me off to see somebody so hung up on what a woman looks like, then criticizing them for treating him the same way. So some women just aren't "good enough" for him...that's not having high standards, it's called being conceited.

And Shallow Hal, I don't have to talk to you to know that. I saw what you wrote, and that's enough.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Wedding Vows - Shouldn't we change the words?
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:13:21 PM
You know, I think the words are fine.... but as a widower I just cringe when I hear the words "till death do us part".


My heart goes out to you. You seem awfully young to be in that situation. I have a dear friend and neighbor who isn't even 50 yet and has been a widow for over a year now. It's sad to see things like that, but heartening to know that some marriages do still go the distance.


I don't recall Adam and Eve getting married...


I find it interesting to note that when Isaac married Rebekah, he "took her into his mother's tent, and she became his wife." No ceremony, no license, and no involvement of the government, let alone the church. It was between the two of them.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Wedding Vows - Shouldn't we change the words?
Posted: 3/27/2007 1:57:01 PM
My heartfelt congratulations to you, Leeanne.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 360 (view)
 
Guys that cry.....Good or bad?
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:06:31 AM
"When that grief is intended to emotionally induce this loved one into some action wanted by the other, that is emotionally manipulation, I am sure you agree!"

I agree that manipulation exists. Yes. God, yes. And some men are very, very capable of it. "You see here? I'm crying. You reduced me to this, so you'd better do what I want you to do, or else you're an unfeeling b!tch." In a sense it is even more manipulative coming from a man, since it isn't their "usual" tactic. Following stereotypes, not individuals, one would almost expect a woman to puddle up and wail, " You don't love meeeeeeeeeeeeee............." in order to get her way. A man doing it is unexpected and therefore more likely to actually work.

But if someone is with me and I want to induce an action, that action is usually a hug. In that case, I'll be crying because I'm sad and it's not healthy to hold it in. I don't say anything about "you don't love me," I just reach for the hug. And I don't see how anything would be different if it is the man in my life who is crying, and I'm there. He cries, I hug. I cry, he hugs. Totally even. It doesn't seem to me like manipulation under those circumstances.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Same person, different site, different results...Why?
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:33:59 AM
OK, I haven't decided yet whether to give up on PoF. I'm not coming on here to say it "sucks," as other disgruntled users have done, but to say maybe it's not working for me, but should I give up yet or keep trying? Could it be that different sites attract different types of members? Not that PoF is bad, really, but just not a good match for my personality.

On two different free sites, I have a similar profile (worded as much the same as possible, allowing for different format). I have the same pictures up. I am equally active on both sites. And now I'm beginning to think that PoF is geared more toward the party animals out for a good time, while the other site is for people who actually are looking for love and have a serious committed relationship as their goal.

Here's why, among other reasons: the other site features online journaling, where I can say whatever I wish and--wonder of wonders--actually be responded to! Even if I'm feeling gloomy, I am emotionally supported. There I am making friends, while here I am virtually ignored. No one e-mails me, no one answers my e-mails, and my forum posts go mostly unacknowledged. And I am not allowed to vent these frustrations, or it is a self-pity thread and will be deleted.

I'm half expecting any response to pretty much consist of, "Well, then leave," before the thread is called self-pity and deleted. But I'm giving it one last shot. You see, some time ago I met a young man who had survived jumping off a bridge. He says there were people around, and he would not have jumped if even one of them had noticed him and asked him not to. I'm not nearly suffering the same degree of pain and isolation, of course, but I'm in a similar frame of mind. I'll give it a couple of weeks. If even one person responds to this post or comes to my inbox asking me to stay, I'll stay. If I'm instead met with "Don't let the front door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya," or I simply get indifferent silence, or this thread ends up deleted for self-pity because no one wants to hear how I really feel, I'm gone. I am not bitter against PoF yet, but I'm watching to see what happens.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 358 (view)
 
Guys that cry.....Good or bad?
Posted: 3/27/2007 8:19:45 AM
Only and always "alone," Nick, or it ceases to be a healthy outlet and becomes manipulation and nothing but a power tool? Any exceptions to be made for funerals, etc., or the presence of a special loved one who shares the grief? Or is your bottom line as clear-cut as you state it: "Alone" = healthy, but "in front of any and all others" = not cool?
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 356 (view)
 
Guys that cry.....Good or bad?
Posted: 3/27/2007 1:42:22 AM
I just wanted to add the following brief comment: In skimming through this thread, I've noticed that some people make reference to "crying" versus "being strong." Where do they get the idea that the two are mutually exclusive? In other words, who says crying isn't being strong, or that being strong means not crying?
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Tired of this stereotype...
Posted: 3/26/2007 11:09:44 PM

You realize you're being a bit of a hypocrite here? You're saying that you won't settle for anything less than what you consider "the Barbie type" but you think that those kind of girls are rude for using you because they consider you less than attractive, or not "macho" , as you put it.


Well, YEAH. The way I read the OP, I took it to mean, "I won't go out with anything less than perfection. A score of 99% might as well be an F. But if any woman holds me to the same standards, and rejects me for superficial crap like my looks, she's just showing how rude she is. It's fine for ME to have that attitude, but not HER. What is settling for less, when I do it, is being fair and open-minded, when she does it."
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 352 (view)
 
Guys that cry.....Good or bad?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:50:19 PM
I have just seen this thread and haven't read through all fifteen pages of replies so far, but if this hasn't been said yet, I want to offer my opinion on the original question:

Question: Guys that cry...good or bad?

Answer: GOOD! GOOD! GOOD!

I have far greater respect for the man who cries than for the man who doesn't. I will not even consider dating a man who refuses to cry, or says crying is for wimps, or even becomes uncomfortable with the subject. It takes a far braver man to cry when he darn well feels like it, than to be so weak as to fear disapproval.

This said, I did have an ex who sometimes made a scene in public with his crying, and that embarrassed the crap out of me. Control, yes. Refuse, no.
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Wedding Vows - Shouldn't we change the words?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:36:46 PM
Note: My compliments on the Dr. Seuss wedding vows.

I have married (and divorced) men who seem to think the traditional wedding vows go something like this:

"Forsaking all others except those I might like better than you, I will cling to you in sickness and in health, unless you actually get sick and start doing something unreasonable like needing me. For better or for worse, as long as there are never any challenges, problems, or responsibilities. Until the you-know-what hits the fan, and changing my mind do us part."
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Bad Bed Partner!
Posted: 3/26/2007 1:48:13 PM
if you love someone it won't matter if they are a bad bed partner, because those kind of skills can be taught with patience.

YOU SAID IT HARDBODY!!

Reading over the most recent posts, I was forming the same thought in my head and would have said something similar if you hadn't said it first. Love covers everything. What my bad bed partners couldn't help, i.e. the medical issues, I didn't hold against them, because I loved them. What might be helped, i.e. bad sexual techniques, can be overcome just as you said.

The inexcusable things mentioned in this thread, and I wouldn't love the people who do these things enough to want to be with them in bed:
1.) Selfishness, either not caring whether your partner is pleasured, or not caring whether your partner is comfortable.
2.) Causing pain and/or injury during sex, whether or not the partner gets off on pain--which to me is itself a whole other red flag. I'd run away as fast as I could from a partner who either inflicted or desired pain.

Now a question, based on an actual situation: He wants oral sex. She isn't feeling good, she's been sick and she's not in the mood. He doesn't take No for an answer and shoves it in her mouth so forcefully it gags her. She vomits all over him. Now, who was the bad bed partner? Her or him? To hear him and his guy buddies talk, it's her....
 cruztacean
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 77 (view)
 
If I said this to you what do you think?
Posted: 3/26/2007 12:56:23 PM
Ryguy1, I am quite impressed by your most recent post. You are now earning a few nice guy points yourself, though you might not want them.

You know, in some debates people's opinions tend to polarize. The longer the debate rages, the more people tend to dig in their heels and stand on their original principle. Left gets farther left, right gets farther right. What I'm seeing here instead is people coming closer and closer to the same page. I like that.

I was most impressed by:

alot of womens profiles on here say thigns like "i want a real man". and that is true, thats what they want. but most guys have no idea what that means.

men in todays society have no idea what it means to be a man. there are basically 2 types of defnitions of a "man" in our culture i believe.

1. some guys think that being a controlling jerk is a "man".

2. a man who does whatever a woman wants is a real man. a real man respects women so much that he gives her what she asks for. a real man gives her lots of compliaments, calls her alot, drives her anywhere she wants, buys her things etc...basically hes a nice guy.


This is so absolutely true, and I think it is the basis for the initial conflict here. You're right, there are too many definitions of "real man" to put a satisfactory end to this debate. I've even heard women say they don't go for the metrosexual thing, then throw in, "Be a man!" Now, wait a minute. I could be mistaken, but I thought the concept of metrosexual was a straight man taking care of his appearance, making sure his clothes go together well, keeping his hair groomed, etc. Do these women mean they want smelly slobs instead? The kind who sits on the couch in his dirty underwear, three days growth of beard on his face, beer in hand, alternately channel surfing, scratching his you-know-what and farting? Is that a "man"? Well, it's the stereotype, isn't it?

And don't get me started on the homophobia that causes some men to fear being sensitive, affectionate, and supportive lest he be accused of something that isn't the case. Maybe some of those controlling, unfeeling clods became that way so they wouldn't be labeled gay or a mama's boy. And then when women say they want a "nice guy" but a "real man," they can be tremendously confused.

Like you, ryguy, I'm not sure where I was going with this, so I'll close now.
 
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