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 Author Thread: What women really want from a guy
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
What women really want from a guy
Posted: 6/11/2009 9:07:32 PM
I'm probably not your target group, but oh well the hell. I like an average to big/tall man. They're unpretentious. They actually like the person they're with and treat the woman well. Women who like the man they're with will also treat him that way. So, two average or two big/tall people appreciate each other sometimes. I'm not saying Miss Uniververse isn't appreicated and loved, but when you look like that and/or have money or prestige, one has to wonder why that person likes them. It very easily could be for the things that prosperity or fame or looks bring. Average, good men, with good manners are a great catch in my opinion.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Ex's cant be friends? why?
Posted: 6/11/2009 9:01:28 PM
There are good exes and bad ones. You have a bad one. I've keep many ex boyfriends, but no exhusband. They usually are an ex for a reason. You are better than that. He called you "doormat" behind your back. Call him "out of my life" to his face. Now this is going to sound mean and I don't intend it to sound that way. God gave you a backbone. Use it. Stand up straight, treat yourself how you would want to be treated, and don't back down.

I haven't dated in over two years because of a rude man. I haven't decided to date yet. I still think about the man I thought I knew and loved. That's all it is, honey. He's the man you thought you knew and loved. It'll pass and you'll get the man that deserves you and you'll get him.

Hugs to you,
Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Get rid of new Puppy or Else...
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:00:20 PM
I had an ex who (while together) told me if I ever got a dog that didn't stand above his knees that he would leave me. Well, I'm a small dog person. So after a very serious discussion about our future and how he wouldn't compromise on major things and I had to accept it all, I chose to ignore it until...One afternoon I asked him to go somewhere with me and he did. We went to pick up my 3 month old Chihuahua I had just purchased.

In other words, don't change you for anyone. What didn't she like about the dog?
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
drama kings, FILFERs and burdens
Posted: 5/25/2009 3:46:19 PM
Sadly, ladies, it is Mother I'd love to "F". Nothing more or else. It was coined in the Apple Pie Movies. Remember Stiffler's mom? Sorry, but I think that term is where she came from. (pun intended) And bless Jennifer Coolidge's heart,, she is the actress that played that very MILF.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 173 (view)
 
Too Old, Too Fat, Too Ugly, Too Dumb!
Posted: 5/22/2009 8:53:09 PM
I can so agree with those comments on many levels. I am getting too old. I did get too fat. Although I am fat I am not ugly, so really don't fall into the BBW category since they use it as fat appreciation. I'm not dumb; mensa qualified but chose not to participate. With all of that, it's difficult to determine which part the exes didn't like. Was I too smart that I found him cheating, was I too fat and it caused his cheating (she had another 100 pounds on her), was I too ugly (she had severe acne scarring), or was I just too damn loving?

In any case, he's gone and so have I. Don't miss the ex husband, just miss the boyfriend that could have been the husband. Even though we were friends and knew everything about each other, being a couple made me feel so paranoid about the relationship. And then it ended. So, two years out and no new one. It's better, I think, at times to not deal with a new relationship. Then again, I'm just blowing poo out of my ears, too.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
wat is the matter with fat people!
Posted: 4/18/2009 8:27:21 AM
Well, 18 is a time for figuring these things out, so we can give him a little break. Jared, you know that legally you shouldn't be drinking and you know Oklahoma is tough on driving drunk. So, be careful on that. Have Daddy pick you up since he does it, too.

Anyway, you're from a high school situation where you were probably a little more popular than what you are now and the girls were at your beck and call. It's grown up time and (not trying to knock your age) you really need to re-direct your party ways to grown up ways. If you're not going to college in the fall, then you need to pave the way for a future a woman would want with you. Any woman...

Your approaches are not filled with the same punches they were in high school. The world outside of the little pond just goes to show some of us how we were given different meanings in school. If a popular and gorgeous girl/guy has problems with the others out of school it can be a huge eye opener. And same for the opposite; when that homely nobody becomes a somebody (Bill Gates), look what can happen.

Find your own niche, don't look down on those who look down on you, but don't carry their attitude to those who may like you.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 208 (view)
 
People, of our age, alone...what do our pets say about us?
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:55:15 PM
Yep,my 13 years old Siamese Blue Point (Sophie) and my 14 month old Chihuahua mix (Trouble) definitely have me trained to pay the mortgage, the satellite tv, the internet, and most importantly the grocery store. When one snaps, I start .

Seriously, I love my fur babies as if they were my flesh and blood. I never had human children. The cat loves to be cuddled like a baby and puts her paw on my cheek while she falls asleep. My little dog child looks just like the fawn colored male in the movie. "Beverly Hills Chihuahu". She's hell on wheels and love to shred things, but she's learned to shred her own items and leave mine alone. She came through at a great time. Trouble pulled me out of my health troubles. (She was named that when I adopted her at 3 1/2 months old) She gave me a reason to get up every day.

Sophie was/is my rock and would paw (still does if I sleep through alarm) on my back to wake me. Meow in my face to make sure I am alive. I will never have another Sophie; she's one of a kind. I rescued her from a friend who had fallen into a coma and died 3 weeks later. Several friends wanted her, but she gravitated to me. She got me though some terrible times, mentally. And the dang ol' girl can actually say "love you". It's hard to hear it, but I put her "talk" together and figured that out one day. I believe it and no one will change that.

2 pets at a time are all I ever had. I want them to have the best life possible and when they pass, can tell their critter angel friends they were truly loved.

Liz,Sophie, and Trouble
Happy Easter!
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Throw away your must have list
Posted: 4/11/2009 6:48:32 AM
Does it have "breathing" and "ambulatory" in that attraction list?
Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
girl returns out of the blue , is this for real ?
Posted: 4/11/2009 6:46:19 AM
If she didn't reply, I agree with Abby. Everything transferred and you were in the mix. Sorry, but you have received your answer.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
girl returns out of the blue , is this for real ?
Posted: 4/10/2009 4:59:30 PM
Go slow. Tell her you saw that she added you and would she like to talk. Let her go from there. Don't get your hopes up, but don't close the door either.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
I want her back. Can you please share your wisdom?
Posted: 4/10/2009 4:49:37 PM
Well, for her sake I hope she doesn't give in. 3 yrs of chasing someome to only be his "fill in" girl and then finding out she really wasn't even that...well, she'd be silly to take you back.

Nothing against you, personally. People want what/who they can't have. Sometimes the brain does not over power the urge. So, she found someomeone who does care for her and now you want to interfere with that.

If you truly cared for her, you'd wish her well and kiss her on the forehead when you look back on your past. Don't beg; it will only make her sad for you and ruin her former image of who she loved.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
 
OKC - COME DANCING POF MEET AND GREET MANGOS MARCH 13th
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:32:47 PM
This will be the first time I've attended a get together. It sounds like it will be fun. However, I will not be bringing any friends with me, so I'll be all alone when I walk in. I'm one of those who hate walking into a club alone, so a little nervous.

No, really, I'm looking forward to meeting all of you and having a good night out. The tournament is not going to affect this too much will it?

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What a waste of time!
Posted: 3/7/2009 7:13:57 PM
Dutch,

Please don't ever think of yourself as garbage. You're worth more than that. And you're very beautiful and are young with a good start in life. You deserve better than what you detailed and you're going to be one of the ones who gets the best of the group.

I'm not going to be all pious and say I've never had the same feelings, because I can't. I'm not a perfect woman like a lot who talk about not taking "it" and getting rid of someone immediately. I bet some of those people did take it and were burned in the situation and it's a "saving face" type of attitude. I get it; I've done it, too.

I did have a situation like yours; more than one. But, at my ripe old age of 41, I've realized I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't lived through those experiences and the heart ache, humiliation (more often than not, self imposed humiliation). That's not lip service; I truly believe that. It's made you the person you are, too. And I think I'm a pretty ok person so I'm pretty sure you are too.

Chalk it up to experience, go on, and live your life in the best way possible to make you happy. The person you're speaking about will probably not treat the new person any better. Which is sad, really. Because that new person probably didn't ask for that treatment any more than you did.



Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Thanks Again Angelheart...
Posted: 3/4/2009 9:55:41 AM
Mylife,

I commend you for thaving the heart to realize the hurt she feels. And she is feeling bad, still, probably. The texting, the flowers, the attempt at being friends just can't happen now. If you feel you must, send one last message and just say "I really am sorry and now I'll leave you alone."

Sadly, when I know I'm about to get the boot I become the agressor; I think that's how you went into this. I give them a reason to let me go easily. However, all but my last ex have come back into my life as "friends" in 6 to 12 months. They all want a second chance, but we make it clear that it is only friends. The only one I ever really wanted to call back was the one I made sure would never contact me again.

But, you're right. I want who I thought he was and what I thought we had...not him.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
In need of serious advice PLEASE before I try contact...
Posted: 2/24/2009 6:58:55 AM
I'm very sorry about your father. It can't make you feel any less confident than you do right now.

If Dion wanted to talk to you, she would call or email. Save your dignity and let her come to you if she wants to. You, sweet man, need to concentrate on yourself. There is no "really good reason" to email her anymore. The time has passed; she has let go. Women, well some, cannot let the "love of her life" go and not speak for more than a few days. She's already told you 4 to 6 months. I'm sorry, but you've just experienced one more death in your family; the death of your relationship with Dion.

Mourn, go on with life, your career, and date or don't for a while. Quite frankly, you need you gather yourself together and learn about you. It doesn't necessarily take a girlfriend to do that, but it would help to talk to an unbiased person.

Good luck,
Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Just an observation...... BHM
Posted: 2/8/2009 8:27:37 AM
You know Jan, you might have a great idea there!
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Just an observation...... BHM
Posted: 2/8/2009 8:12:31 AM
I've read most of these and I agree (oddly enough) with the ones who smack about the terms BBW and BHM. Read my profile; one of the first things it says is I don't classify myself like that.

BBW is a very over used term to make big (or fat for those who would rather be blunt) women feel better. Even if they don't have a physical beauty about them, they may feel that they are. So what? Let them feel that. Let them classify themselves as they wish to.

I, on the other hand, have been thin and big. I'm big now because of not only a medical condition (caused by being malnourished 4 years ago) and am not allowed for two more weeks to do physical exercise. But I digress....

Fat, thin, skinny, tubby, ugly, pretty, fugly, gorgeous; aren't those just subjective terms? Who gives a flip who someone is attracted to? If you don't think I'm pretty, then don't ask me out. If you find me somewhat attractive and find my personality meshes with yours, either be my friend or ask me on a date.

And to those who say obesity is a heart attack on a stick, so is anorexia and malnourishment, and yes, even rock climbing at times. Live and let live. geez...
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Are men and women over 30 but not yet 40 the crankiest out there?
Posted: 2/8/2009 7:48:59 AM
Well, I was one of those outspoken 30-40 year olds. I had to be because of the working environment I am in and had to show no fear. You could say I had an exaggerated backbone.

Now, at 41, I haven't backed down at work on some things, but I choose battles more carefully. I also handle them a bit differently and with more tact.

In my personal life, unless my family, my pets, or myself are physically or verbally violated, I'm very "don't give a crap". When you mess with one of those three, then cranky is not the word to describe it. And you know what else? After 40, I really don't care that much about what people say if I am a hard a$$ about something. What are they going to do?

So yes, I think age mellows a person but it depends on the person. I mean, look at the movie "Grumpy Old Men". Now, I have known people who are like that. Ya just have to deal with them or leave them alone.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Why are there more online daters who are workers?
Posted: 2/8/2009 7:40:24 AM
Women (and/or men) who work just sometimes don't have the ability to find a person like we did years ago. The days of going to the grocery store and having a discussion over fruit is going by the way side. I think people have become too afraid of the "stalker" or the "nut case" moniker to approach strangers. Sad, actually...

As a single person, I cannot see how one could live without an income. Seriously, unless a person is living with his/her parents and they're paying for everything, how can an adult not have a job, do things with friends, and yes, even have internet access. Well, that part can be completed by going to the library.

Anyway, I think the numbers the OP mentioned are a big exaggerated. Incomes are important; period. Unemployment is rampant (I know this better than most since it is, well, let's just say I know more about it) and people need help. No fault with that. It's temporary until another job comes along.

So more employed people date online because we don't have as much free time to meet people in public.

Oh and a shout out to Hank from one Oklahoman to another. Go Thunder!
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Just a card - or something more?
Posted: 2/8/2009 7:20:33 AM
It sounds like a definite "dig" at you. I doubt there is a friend clause with this person, but if there is, would you want to be friends? I mean, how "friendly" is someone who pot shots you? To me, his post card is the equivalent of one of those t-shirts that say "my friends went to St. Lucia and all I got was this darn t-shirt". Even then it was only a $1.00 post card...

Forget it and go on.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Heres a poem for everyone I just came up with tonight....it might help
Posted: 2/8/2009 7:00:14 AM
I find it so interesting how so many people take the opportunity to find fault in someone's feelings and their words of emotions. Those who criticize, take the time these two men did, write something from your heart, and see what happens. Maybe you will have a momentary lapse in your cynicism.

Thank you, gentlemen, for putting your heartfelt thoughts out into cyberspace and for having the backbone to be wrongfully ridiculed. Personally, I find some men to be the strongest by being soft with their emotions.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Living with mother over 30? Would it make me Untouchable?
Posted: 2/2/2009 7:02:30 AM
There is nothing wrong with taking care of your ailing parent(s). It's admirable. However, it does throw a wrench in the dating situation. I would set up respite care which is someone to come in when you need a night off.

Now, if a parent isn't ailing as much as their child thinks they are, then the adult child needs to step back. I can guarantee that a parent (well, a parent who isn't so needy with their child) will tell the adult child that all that help is not needed.

My parent and I have a plan. When it's time to care for her, she will move into my home as it is bigger. We have her visit for a week or two at a time so we can slide into the that upcoming situation. I love my mother with all my heart and would take care of her through anything.

The difference is, the ones worth knowing are the ones who help out once they've moved out. If one has never moved out (no matter how much $ they're saving), they're selfish. Those are the ones who should be watched.

And I'm no gold digger. I own my house, my car, savings, retirement, and all that. So saying women are gold diggers is just like saying men are a$$es. Every person should be looked individually and take their character into account; not group people together as evil or good.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:36:08 AM
Deal breaker? It should be. His own mother told you this? Trust her. Family knows him better than you. You have a daughter and are willing to let a molester, an incest molester no less, near your child?

The fact that you are "curvy" should have nothing to do with your intuition, your child's safety, and your self worth. If he's verbally abusive about your weight, what else is he capable of doing or saying?

If you want to forgive him, I hope it's worth it. You may just happen to be in the ER with a daughter he molested. If you're not worth saying good bye to him, shouldn't your daughter be the catalyst for saying goodbye?

I have very very bad feelings about this...
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
dancing behind the bar...
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:18:42 AM
He is doing it for the tips. Hey, it's better to dance behind the bar than to pick up some girl and take her to the parking lot. Seriously, it is for the tips.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
closure-does she owe it to me
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:13:57 AM
Ask yourself what good it would do for you. Will it make you upset or angry? Will it hurt your feelings worse than they are now?

Make your own closure. It should have been very obvious when she called you a jerk and to move on that she was giving you a coward's closure. Texting is the downfall of society. No feeling, no face to face, so much easier to be mean to someone who cares.

You sound like a great person. Lick your wounds, move on, date if you find someone interesting, but do just pick some random chick to use as a "get back" date.

Good luck,
Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Made a mistake gave them the wrong finger....
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:08:05 AM
Michael,

I read your posts and then read your profile. First, I have to say, please do not use a woman to reconnect with your sexuality without it being absolutely clear it is for sex and not emotional. You run the risk of hurting a good woman you may find and you know how that pain feels.

It is difficult to start over; I know too well. It hurts, you get angry, you cry, you become somewhat sef destructive (for awhile) because of the thoughts, but you get through it. Maybe a bit more guarded, maybe a tad bit jaded. It's life and it can suck at times. But we get through it.

Good luck to you and I hope you make it through as the same man you were before being hurt. The ones (men and women) who take "it" out on their new dating partners are the most bitter ones who remain bitter and want to "get even" in life. Keep your perspective, your heart, and your humanity.

Blessings,
Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Where is true comfort?
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:56:13 PM
Hi Jade. I can understand. But, seriously, what would you want someone to say? You tried your best. It's just the way he is in his soul. Does that sound better to put it off on you? You didn't break up. "He" did.

I guess if one of your friends wanted to grab your attention, they could say "you just weren't what he wanted" or "he deserved much better than you". Is that better? I really don't know and do want to understand.

The people who say these niceties to you are just trying to help. Next time, if it happens, tell them you can't hear that anymore and to tell you the truth. The one common denominator in the break ups in you. Try maybe changing your approach in a relationship.

Just my off the cuff answer to something that really can't be answered.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
trying to change political views of SO.
Posted: 11/11/2008 6:00:33 PM
Why would a person want to be with another that has no opinion except his/her partner's? That's a "yes" man/woman. It is very very boring to have someone agree with everything their partner says.

Whose view is trying to be changed; yours or your partner's? And why does it really matter as long as the rest of life is wonderful with you two?
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
If Relationship is a Mirror of the Self what did your last relationship tell you about yourself?
Posted: 11/11/2008 3:39:05 PM
Nothing. What I did learn is that I sometimes have a crappy boyfriend/husband radar.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Should I call her.....or not
Posted: 11/11/2008 2:59:42 PM
I don't understand the bull moose thing...

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Should I wait and see?
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:26:44 PM
T0 be honest, I'm so tired of dating. Men are either confused, players or not what I need or want. This man is close but maybe he is a lost cause? I feel so bereft. Is it because I feel rejected? Or I really care? Sometimes it's hard to tell? It's all so confusing. At this ripe old age, you'd think I knew better!


So stop dating. If you have a caring for him, let him do his thing. When he's done and if he cares for you in return, he'll come back. Or if you want to get past him, go out on a date with someone else. Or how about this; be by yourself and your son. Enjoy your life, give your child some extra attention, give your business some extra attention, and you won't worry about him. He may be a liar; who knows. IF you feel he's being truthful, then give him space.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: 11/4/2008 11:12:54 PM
Well, ask yourself this: What is it going to hurt to send her a birthday card? If you send it email then it doesn't cost you anything. If you buy one and mail it, say it will be $5.oo. You've done what you could to clean up the petty issue that she had with you, so you can't do anymore. But, obviously your heart was tugging at you to do this. Listen to you gut. There are two things that can happen. She gets it, calls you, and you two talk; good or bad. She gets it and never contacts you. Either way, this is a minor little action on your part to let her know you remembered her on her birthday.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
My sister's husband had an affair, now the mistress is pregnant.....
Posted: 11/4/2008 10:49:12 AM
My ex was the poster child for this behavior. My mother in law found out about his (yes, her own son's) girlfriend because the gf saw her phone number on her phone bill and called. This is 8 yrs ago, so a little different than now. He ran up hundreds in phone bills to her. Anyway, long story short, I found out about the gf and talked to her. Asked her if she knew about me and she didn't. I didn't blame her until I started having ugly nasty names thrown at me the next day. But, I digress...Anyway, two weeks later, she calls me at work because he had been calling me. I find out, at work, she's 9 weeks pregnant and was keeping it and they were getting married.

Ok, I say all that just to get to this part. There is nothing you can tell her that will change her mind about anything. It is most always the wronged party who blames her/himself for the indescretions and the pain caused. We learn to live, we do grief stages ( I went from broken hearted to angry because I sent 8 sets of divorce papers which he refused to accept every time) and we go on with the help of family and friends. We need to have a sounding board. Someone to cry to, the next week someone to yell at about the anger, then someone to be supportive with the "I know, I know's", and then finally the acceptance that we're not the reason(s) why.

She'll be ok if she has half an ounce of backbone. Just be available when she needs you.

Liz

PS: I just saw she is your sister. Do not say anything negative about her husband. She may still take him back and maybe more than once. Anyone who says negatives about him until she is finally through will be the bad person if he comes back. Just listen, hold her when she cries, tell her she is not responsible, do not advise anything. The very most that you could probably get by without having (one day) your head eaten off is to suggest that when she is ready (if ever), you can help her find a decent attorney and stand by her as your sister. Good luck to you. You're going to need it.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 111 (view)
 
Dating a widower who's spouse only recently died
Posted: 10/26/2008 10:24:09 AM
You're going to have to let him go. I dated a man for three months and we became very close. I was the first woman he had dated since his wife passed. That was six months before we met. He was about 11 yrs older than I, also, which was perfect for me. My mother had snagged a widower about the same amount of time after his wife's death and this man was giving me advice. All I can say, people are different. My mom's friend was ready in six months to get caught up in love. My boyfriend had been married 25 yrs to his college sweetheart and only thought he was ready. He tried, but things didn't work. He had to move back to his home in Texas because of work and I tried to give him an "out". I told him we could remain friends and not have to be in a relationship; our time was nice and I wanted to be "adult" about it. He said no and he wanted our relationship. He gets home and nothing; not even the guts to tell me. I finally found out, but I already knew.

Two weeks after the death of a spouse is a bit too soon. I worry that a person would even consider doing that (disposable spouse) and worry even more for the person who would date the widower. Do you feel you're that disposable? If you passed, would he go on so quickly to the next "ripe for hurt" person? He's lonely, he's in mourning, he's in need of a friend. He does not need to use you to project his loving feelings for his extremely recently deceased wife.

You're only setting yourself up for hurt. I'm sorry.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Please help me understand her
Posted: 10/21/2008 12:32:59 PM
From an old woman to someone much younger, please allow me to detail how I think about the forms of communication.

1. Text message----the lowest form of communication; ie, you don't mean enough to me to call you.
2. Email--just a few steps above text. If meeting people on the internet, then this is the first form of communication. Should last just a short time, then move to the verbal communication stage. If not, then see #1.
3. Phone--Much more important than text or email. You can hear the tone in the voice, laughing, crying, whatever. This is a more valid form of communication.
4. In person--Obviously this shows a person cares enough to take time out of life to see you. If the meeting is due to giving or receiving bad news, then at least that person cared enough to tell you face to face.

You started the break. She finally got tired of it and moved on to someone who didn't play head games. She does have guilt for moving on and hurting you because of the time you spent together. Repeating apologies is a sign of anxiety, depression, and/or OCD. If she does this again, tell her you forgive her, but you took the hint. Move on and find someone else to date.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
dirty little secrets
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:02:04 AM
Expressing your anger is one thing, but doing it in a public forum is another. This man may still be a member of POF and reading all that you are writing about him. He can copy these responses and use them against you in court or in some other manner. Honestly, right now, you need to stay off the computer and not post any more about this and certainly not blog about it; wherever you do that.

You are out of the situation now. Good. You did what was right. And you spoke to the niece and her mother (his sister). If they deny it or choose not to admit it, then there is nothing else you can do. It may be difficult for his sister to believe you since her own daughter (and I assume he) is denying any of the allegations. You're not "family".

So, go on about your business and get on with your own life. You should protect yourself from here on out.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Ok...Am I reading this guy wrong? or is he interested?
Posted: 10/12/2008 1:32:43 PM
I graduated in 1985 and had a younger male teacher in biology. He went to Senior Prom with one of my classmates. They're still married to this day. It was a small school, small town, and she came from the wealthy family. I guess that's why it was ok. Again, though, let all of us older grads remember the football and westling coaches who were social studies teachers and drivers' ed teachers that had flirtations all year long with the cute cheerleaders. New society and new time frame. Back then, it wasn't all so disgusting. Now, it could cause the end of a teacher's livelihood and life.

Just forget him until after you're out of college. He'll be married by then.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How to behave at a wedding where your ex meets the man you love(after a bad divorce/breakup)
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:39:59 PM
If the ex won't be jealous, then go and have fun. Don't flaunt the boyfriend and hopefully your ex won't find a woman to flaunt in front of you. Be respectful of both sides of the families, enjoy your baby's wedding, and enjoy the new life you have with a new potential life partner.

I seem to think it is a moment you're looking forward to; showing up the ex with a new decent man. Just remember, what goes around...

Just enjoy and be an upstanding person by allowing it to be your son's and daugter in law's day; not yours or the ex's.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 46 (view)
 
I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/11/2008 7:26:44 AM
You are right, OP. Trust and hate are two very separate things. Although it's been done to death in this thread, let me point out the very obvious. You have to determine how you feel about each person you meet. Saying you don't trust women, well, that's a pretty big statement. How about trying to whittle it down to a smaller problem? So far, the women I've had in my life have given me cause to not to trust some people.

We all have someone do us dirty at one point or two in our lives. As an old, almost 41 yr old cute fat chick, I've had my fair share of those. Do I hate? No. It's only hurts me. Do I have trust issues? Yes, but I'm working on those. Do I wish my last boyfriend would have bad things happen? Well, I did, but now I don't. Too many things happened to me this year to carry that anymosity around with me. It eats away at your heart then it hits your soul. When your heart and soul are eaten away, what's left? The bones.

I know it sucks right now, but I could wish on a million stars to be 24 and get mulligans for half of my mistakes in life. You know what though? It's those mistakes that we all make that mold us into the people we become. Choose to use those mistakes to make a better you. I'm trying to...

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Phones: Leaving Messages and Call Waiting
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:30:42 AM
When I'm told someone has another call, I'll wait a few seconds and hang up. If they don't find it important enough to tell the other person they're on the phone with me, then I don't want to hang around with dead air on the phone. If they want to talk, they'll call me back. It's rude and I don't do it to anyone.

Also, turn off the phones when on a date and never pick it up if you forgot. The only ok time to do this if kids are involved or someone is waiting on a verdict from a jury and has to run back to court.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Would you put a partner you aren't married to on your checking account?
Posted: 10/2/2008 2:54:41 PM
Oh no. Never do that no matter how much you "trust" them. In fact, after marriage it is a good idea to keep separate accounts and then a "household" account.

But back to the main question of dating and money accounts. Love can blind people but it can also make them broke. No on putting someone on your account.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 64 (view)
 
The Ultimate Dilemma
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:38:50 PM
*edited*

Sounds like you've got it worked out by this time. But...

There is an old saying...don't sh!t where you eat.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Say Ladies, would you consider dating a guy in a wheelchair?
Posted: 9/21/2008 8:06:58 AM
I dated an amputee, once, for several months. He had a very "don't pity me" look on life. His ex wife had a child (not his) that has CP and this man has stayed in his life to show him how to be self sufficient. I greatly admire this man to this day.

I would be with a man in a wheelchair if there was that attraction and chemistry. There was one time I had the biggest flirtation with a man in a chair. Honestly thought we'd go out. One of his friends finally told me he only dated skinny blonde girls with big boobs. Ok. Wow. I'm none of that, but I'm good looking even though I'm a bigger girl, I have beautiful eyes (so sayeth everyone I meet), and I accept faults in people.

When I love I love for life unless my heart is stabbed and drained of its life. Then I'm done; never again. Old boyfriends come calling in a month or two to go out again; we can only be friends and that's pushing it if they were jerks. Funny how many old boyfriends I have as friends... Anyway....

Yes, I would date a man in a wheelchair, I would date an amputee, I would date a man who was on anti depressants as long as he wasn't a poor pitiful me person. I would like to find a good man who just knows what love is and would be willing to give the time with me to have it bloom.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:48:05 PM
A fool once or twice, but higher walls than just about anyone. I hate that. Everyone around me is finding love and getting married. After being divorced 8 yrs this month, I want that too.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 213 (view)
 
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/13/2008 2:20:20 PM
I guess it would be acceptable if you signed the same requirements. What about if the intended spouse is in an injury and gains weight while in the hospital and loses that physical health. Would you stay through physical therapy and the road to recovery?

What if she put in a clause about impotentcy on your part? What if you had a heart attack, took nitrates, and was not allowed to take the pills that can aid in erectile dysfunction?

Would that be grounds for divorce without her giving you half of everything?

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Can love dissapear?
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:20:39 AM
Disappear? No, I don't think so. Someone on here gave a great description of my belief. Love is born and can die if not nurtured. A person who in "love" is open to any of the senarios the OP has provided (better in bed, more money, etc) then that person is really not in love. Those things wouldn't tempt a loving heart UNLESS...unless that tempted heart had not been having his/her love nurtured.

When I love, I love wholeheartedly and take it seriously because someone has entrusted me with their heart and love. This is why my love is so elusive. If I were so easily swayed by words, or offers of trips to Italy or some guarantee of the best sexual experience of my life, then I would say that my own lover wasn't giving me what I needed. Same for him if he was so easily swayed.

Love is a living being that needs patience, caring, nurturing, excitement at times, tenderness at times, ordinary at times, and just typically two people who would lay down their lives for the other if it came to that. Wouldn't it be nice to have something like that?

Too bad I'm such a jaded biatch now. I still long for that type of love, knowing it will never happen for me.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:44:56 PM
Oh, Katie I am so sorry for you. I share the same with you where my Daddy died and I didn't get to say good bye. I am lucky though, because it was immediate and we did not have to make a decision.

I don't share this often, but my heart started crying with you and now my eyes are streaming. So, take heart in knowing other adults still feel the same as you.

I was 25. I had lived 2 hours away, but had been home that weekend to see my mom and dad. When it came time for me to leave, we did our goodbyes and all of that and then I drove away. I got a mile down the road and remembered my purse was there. I met him in the driveway coming to bring it to me. Now, people will say I'm crazy, but the look he and I shared with each other from one driver's window to the other haunts me to this day. For some reason, I knew I would never talk to him again.

The next day was weird, but those are Mondays. He called everyday. He did not call that day. I got a call at work (3 hours away) from a co-worker of his screaming that they were doing CPR and I had to get there. Remember, I was 25. It was the longest drive of my life. No one knew which hospital they were taking him to. I had to go to his office and have a person go with me to where he was. Katie, my heart breaks for you because you didn't have what I had. I had 3 hours to pray to God to either have him live and be like he was or to have God take him immediately so he wouldn't have any pain. God answered the latter prayer.

Your mother made a strong and brave decision. Your dad knew you were there. You know he did; you know he did. And if you don't, just wait. You will come to realize it. If you want to talk and hear those "weird stories" let me know and we'll talk about them privately. Trust me, he's never far from you.

I wish I could tell you it goes away, but it never really does. The first year is horrible. He died Christmas week, so I either have to become manic about it and decorate like a freak or I am devastatingly depressed that whole week. What I can tell you is that there will be a fading of those hurtful thoughts. And there are many days I do not think about him, but that's ok. We're not supposed to after awhile.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:18:25 PM
Well, if there is no way he would know your home address or unlisted phone number, maybe he just likes the park. If you've kissed like you say you have, you're apparently comfortable enough to exchange bodily fluids. Isn't it time to get an address?

Maybe he just likes that park. Or maybe he's following you home from work each night and really knows where you live, where you shop, where you go for dinner...Does that make your pananoia easier to handle?

If he says he just likes the park end the concern and enjoy the budding relationship.
I'd love to have that deep romantic make your knees wobbly kiss again. Just enjoy.

Liz
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
I can't eat or sleep...
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:39:18 AM
There's a commercial campaign on our local television that targets children but uses different sports figures. It talks about playing for one hour a day. How about before or after dinner, the two of you take your child to the park and swing, toss a ball around, play tag, hide n seek, or something that would get you all moving and have it be FUN. We know that telling a person to get on a diet or lose weight or even telling someone the sex is bad does nothing but make the person feel bad about themselves. So, take a different approach.

Tell your partner that you don't want you child to grow up unhealthy because of the way the two of you eat and don't exercise properly. Because of this you're going to the nutrionist to learn better meals. Which, is true, really. Kids learn by example; be the good example.

Liz
PS: Leave the other guy alone. We can sometime make people into what we want them to be and they're nothing like what they really are. You said he was a childhood acquaintance. Sounds like he wasn't anyone close in your life. Illusions are easy to create and fantasize about, but usually are a huge let down in life. Don't ruin yours over this illusion.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
The nonsense about being positive at all cost.
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:22:55 AM
It is absolutely ridiculous that someone will be positive and act happy all the time. Death, injuries, breakups, careers issues will certainly cause some sort of negative reaction or a person is not alive. Rejecting it or reacting to it? Isn't it healthier to get those emotions out and get on with life instead of holding them internally and "acting" happy or content?

The person said negatives really don't bring men and women closer may not have had to deal with a death of a loved one while in a relationship. I shiver at a man who would not show compassion to his mate or not show the pain he was feeling about the death.

I have a friend who is a positive person ALL the time. Even the worst thing in the world she spins into gold. One day at work, she was notified that one of her children was killed at a church camp. She called me an told me; I started bawling and trying to comfort her. She simply said Kitty died at a church camp; she was happy. My friend never cried, never did anything but hum Kitty's favorite song until after the funeral. Her husband and other two children were obviously devastated. She did not acknowledge their feelings and I became the wife and mother that week. It was until I couldn't sleep the night of the funeral and about 3:00 am I heard her. She was in the garage with pillows shoved in her face covering up her tears and screams.

I told that because people are not hardwired to have pleasantness about every situation. We have emotions, good and bad. Accept them; work through them. Don't run from your feelings or the feelings of your loved ones. It isn't natural.

Liz
 
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