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Thread: looking for a single dad

Joined: 1/23/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

looking for a single dad Posted: 7/9/2009 11:17:05 AM
Nothing is inherently wrong with snakes and reptiles I suppose...seems to me there are a lot more people who would be accepting of a dog or cat for instance...my intent was simply to advise that, to the best of my knowledge, most of us are not interested in having snakes and reptiles as pets...moreso if we have young children which the poster indicates she wants (e.g. single dads) and so if you want to attract more single dads I think you will find there are many more men who would be interested in a woman free of the reptiles...saw a documentary showing a large snake fighting and killing an alligator the other day...not the kind of pet I would want around my kids !! For your info the state of Florida now has, apparently, in excess of 30,000 python type snakes in the Everglades as a result of pet owners getting tired of them and setting them free...they are growing rapidly in population and apparently are moving closer to civilization and are killing small wildlife, cats and dogs...again not the type of pet I would want around children...guess it all depends on your priorities.

Joined: 1/23/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

looking for a single dad Posted: 6/27/2009 12:37:27 PM
Hi Op...to quote verbatim from your profile: "Oh and i have a pet snake and when i move in to a bigger place ill get more reptiles yay." Not sure about most fellows but I don't think many of us are interested in sharing space with the snake and soon to arrive reptiles for a variety of reasons.....I am a full-time single dad with two early teen daughters (was almost 46 when my youngest was born) and will concede that many ladies are not interested in a man with children...and that is absolutely their choice and there is no need for any of us being upset if someone does not wish to become involved with our circumstances...personally I much prefer to know this upfront before any relationship building energy is wasted. Why not get rid of the snake/reptiles and get that off of your profile...see what that does to increase male interest. You are a very attractive woman in your photos and will probably need to be careful that the attention you do get is what you are looking for from a man....just some advice but I'd maybe take a little time getting to know the man well before getting active sexually with him...and if he pressures you for sex tell him to get lost...the right guy will wait and give the relationship a chance to properly develop. Good luck !!

Joined: 1/23/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating? Posted: 6/19/2009 10:04:40 AM
It is definitely more difficult being a single dad...I have two daughters living with me full-time in their early teens that have no contact with their mother...and for a lot of ladies this is not a situation that they wish to be involved with...and that is absolutely their right to seek out a man without children...nothing wrong with ladies choosing to look for someone not in my situation and no need to belittle ladies not intersted in us single dads. We are just in different places ...no need to feel bad towards anyone if they are not intersted in you and your circumstance regarding having dependent children. One of these days I expect a wonderfull woman will enter our lives (me and my kids) and she will have a heart large enough to embrace all of us...as we will her....and if not...well, that will be Ok too. I love being a dad and actually believe that any woman who has the opportunity to become involved with my girls will be very fortunate indeed...and yeah, I am a very proud father. So I gues all I can say is be patient, do not become cynical, be grateful for what you have, live in the moment and keep on fishing ...good luck to everyone !!!

Joined: 1/23/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

advice needed for a friend - trying to get his kid back Posted: 6/19/2009 9:07:45 AM
"CAS are a nightmare to deal with!!!! In my scenario, I wasn't the one under investigation, the other parental unit was. Since I already had some legal custody of her she was placed in my custody until the matter was resolved. Be persistent and suggest to him that he may want to apply for a Children's Lawyer to represent his child's rights." Absolutely correct...my ex was mentally ill and CAS knew it for many years..despite that, they kept trying to put her on a pedestal and supported her whenever she issued false allegations against me...it was not until she ran off with my two youngest children that I hired a lawyer ...got both kids back via the police and courts...hired a Childrens Lawyer as well...found the judges I dealt with to be excellent as opposed to CAS who were absolutely dreadful ...CAS changed their tune 100 % immediately after I hired a lawyer...unfortunately I battled with them for years under the mistaken assumption that a man could get treated fairly by them...got told sadly by psychologists and lawyers that the system is broken and that a man has almost no chance of being treated fairly where CAS is concerned. Was told that CAS assume women are good mothers/parents naturally and that men need to learn how to be a good dad/parent...absolute nonsense. Make sure your friend gets a lawyer who knows the CAS system well and I'd suggest he attend weekly counselling for as long as it takes to get a letter from the professional stating he is "normal" and fully qualified in all respects to look after the kid(s)...a judge will pay a lot of attention to that as will CAS, even if under protest. My kids are all with me for several years now and are doing very well socially and academically...their mother refuses to get any treatment and has no involvement in her childrens' lives...apparently she was badly abused as a child and is a victim herself....happily the cycle of abuse is ended and will not continue into the next generation.

Joined: 1/23/2007

Msg: 732 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 8/30/2008 7:41:04 AM
I have to agree with Renaissance Man's post and to quote from his post ... " Putting aside the whole discussion of studies, the most popular book on the title, that is regarded by most practitioners I know as a good primer on the topic, is carried by every book chain, and has sold millions of copies, is Mason's "Walking on Eggshells". If you're early on in a relationship, read that. At least you'll have a preview of some of what you're in for, only the reality is much, much worse. " Read the book (it is a good one)and any other info available...BPD is just very hard to deal with. The medical folks I have been involved with categorigally state that BPD is far and away the most difficult mental disorder for them to treat...bar none. In my case I have children and when I wanted to separate many years ago the doctors advised me to stay unless I was fearful of being in physical danger...she has BPD and also suffers from Narcissism...a very difficult and an all too common combination I am told. I was informed that if I were to leave her all of my children were at huge risk of being destroyed mentally...and so I stayed for many years until she eventually ran away with two of the children. Through the courts and the police I did get them back ...they live with me now along with two of my stepsons ( now grown up...her kids from a prior relationship). BPD's can appear to be the perfect partner at the beginning of a relationship ...are very good actors it would seem. If you think you may be with a BPD just find some small criticism to levy their way for example and check the reaction...and if you survive the it then perhaps it is time to move on LOL. They amplify everything to an astonishing degree. I could talk about the variuos behaviours but the literature says it much better than I ever could. Please educate yourself. Definitely encourage the BPD to get help...but again, I am told that there is very little to be done for them and unlike some other mental disorders there are no meds to prescribe such as for Bi-Polar etc...oh, if it were only that easy!! I do understand that there is ongoing research and some reports of success in the USA ...and some meds in the developmental stage...but not commonly available as part of a mainstream treatment package. It would be great if my kids' mother and other BPD'S had such an option readily available to help normalize their lives/behaviour and help others by making it that much easier to cope. If you have children then please be careful about leaving them with the BPD in the event you separate from them. I hate to say it but I am going to be very clear here based upon my humble experience, my advice is.....DO NOT STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BPD......UNLESS YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND ARE UNABLE TO LEAVE AND TAKE THEM WITH YOU!! Again, I was told to stay...and even if I were to hate her I was advised to simply sleep in another place in the house...bedroom or whatever...but stay pretty much no matter what for the children's sake. Put simply the kids are in no position to understand much of this until they are much older...and if we as adults can't cope with a BPD very well...then how in heaven is an innocent child to function well at all ?? Think about it...if the medical fraternity is unable to do much for a BPD...what qualifications do you have that make you think that you can accomplish what the doctors cannot ?? And no , I am not a doctor, so for those of you who feel the urge to question my credentials for this post they are simply this...I am a survivor of a life experience living with a BPD over the past 15 years that I would not wish on my worst enemy. It is impossible to explain the full gamut of emotions/situations when involved with a BPD...and then adding children into the mix just makes it that much harder. At the end of the day I am grateful that my children are OK and so , all in all, the effort has all been worthwhile. We are happy and are moving on in life.

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