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 Author Thread: Decoding profession
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Decoding profession
Posted: 11/18/2009 2:48:17 PM

I suppose NO ONE has ever heard about working at a place for 30 years....and RETIRING.


Ironically a lot of people don't seem to have heard of that. The boyfriend and I were just talking about that this morning... he will get a pension at 30 years and could retire whenever he's ready. My father chose to retire at 56. I know many people in the IT world that retire at an earlier age as well because they made wise investments and saved their money for such an occasion.

Retired to me means that they are most likely very dedicated and wise with their spending.

As for unemployment, even when I was looking on here 2 years ago it was running rampant. I lost count of the number of men that contacted me that didn't actually have jobs.

Many people may think it's trivial to ask what a person does for their living, but to me it tells me if they are happy and in the life they want to be in. At the age of 40 they should have figured out who they are by now and almost be there or working on it diligently. I also cared if they owned a house or not because I already owned one and was looking for a long term relationship... preferably with someone that wasn't going to make me give up mine. So not being a homeowner was a bonus in my book. My boyfriend lost his house to his ex-wife and was living with a friend until he moved in here over a year ago. It's worked out perfectly and now we're considering shopping for a new one together.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
What does it mean to fall in love?
Posted: 11/13/2009 2:48:34 PM

You really should...it will provide some added luster to what you are feeling and know to be true.

Seriously... why would anyone need a book to validate their feelings for someone else? Self help books are for those that are lost and looking for a fix. If it isn't broken then why fix it? If this book has all the answers then why am I in a great long term relationship without having ever read it? I don't need someone else to tell me why my relationship works because I already know the answers because I knew instinctively what I wanted/needed out of a partner and looked for it.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Why so many profiles without pictures?
Posted: 11/12/2009 1:38:45 PM
Some people have jobs in which they won't want to be identified on a public website. People such as teachers don't want their students to find them by accident. Lawyers, doctors, Public Relations, etc... all need some form of anonymity of when looking as well. Military and government jobs often require some discretion as well.

No picture is not a problem... not willing to share one once a common interest has been found is.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Living with chronic illness
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:13:45 PM
I have suffered from fibromyalgia all of my life. It has become progressively worse as I age. By the age of 21 I was getting severe headaches that would take me out of work for multiple days. Yes, I suffer from pain every day and I have hypersensitivities to sounds, smells and things that touch my skin but I have rarely ever let it stop me. I have good days and bad days, thankfully more good than bad still... and I have a boyfriend that understands and does everything he can to help me out when I'm at higher pain level (like massaging my legs to help relieve the pain). Most people have no idea how much I push through because I don't want sympathy or to appear weak. :)
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
What does it mean to fall in love?
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:02:54 PM
I can say that falling in love to me is finding your other half, someone that completes you. The person that helps you be strong where you are weak and can help you down from where you are too strong. Even when everything is going wrong you can look to them and know that everything is still right and smile.

I think that accurately describes the relationship I've been in for the last year and half now.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 53 (view)
 
this serious member stuff
Posted: 5/1/2009 1:37:00 PM
I am suggesting to fish like yourself that this is a good idea. A negative attitude is not healthy

I'm baffled. You read what I said (you even attempted to quote it)... and yet you still tried to imply that I'm guilty of a negative attitude. Perhaps a good long look in the mirror is what you are really in need of if you think that I have a negative outlook on life and yours is good. Maybe reading lessons might also help you out a bit? It scares me that you're a teacher yet you can't comprehend words written in English.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
this serious member stuff
Posted: 4/30/2009 7:16:33 PM

Now there is a thought that might be applied to life in general. Just imagine if people went out each and everyday intending to have a good day?

Are you saying that you don't do that? I know my friends and I always do... every day has the potential to be a good day and when it isn't we make it into one.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 258 (view)
 
World of Warcraft
Posted: 4/28/2009 3:18:09 AM
Naxx 25 geared on my mage... we're planning on doing uldar soon.

I do love the dual spec. :)

Got my title of "the Noble" on my mage as well.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Office friends...am I trippin or not?
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:25:36 AM

So .. ummm... your profile is Not turned off!

Actually it is. I can't view it without logging in. You also can not do a search for his username and find the profile. You can only get to it by clicking on the link here in the forums.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
this serious member stuff
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:31:46 PM
Maybe it's just me.... but Supercalifragilisticexpia seems more like a planted ad than a real person posting. He comes into the Ohio forums (when he's from Canada) and sounds like a walking testimonial for this product. It's hard to take him seriously as an honest member when he's actually making a full blown sales pitch. He says he owns an internet business in Canada and it really makes me wonder if it isn't this one.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
How do you feel about dating a smoker?
Posted: 4/9/2009 6:37:38 AM
So we're measuring love based on the number of years they have to offer us now??

Seriously, we could all die at any time. We could develop cancer and die at 63 like my mother is in the process of doing. We could get hit by a drunk driver and die instantly at the age of 40. We could get gunned down by a disgruntled employee because the economy is down and they got laid off.

I will hedge my bets on the smoker any day over someone that actively goes out and willingly does dangerous activities.

I will take whatever time is offered to me by someone that I love and find that far more rewarding than looking for someone that can give me more years. I believe in quality over quantity and I am not so selfish as to expect someone to live the exact same amount of years that I do in the vow of "till death do we part". Maybe I should become a lesbian based on your theory climbs... after all women live longer than men statistically.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
How do you feel about dating a smoker?
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:44:34 AM
Yes climbs... so lets not forget to count all those smokers that died in car accidents too. We all (well most of us) drive places on a regular basis and yet we're still alive. But look at the statistics for people that die from that too. Yet for some strange reason we keep subjecting ourselves to this danger. The same goes with guns, we keep them legal and look at how many people die from them as well.

The reality is everything we do has the potential to kill us. Why live in fear?

You like to go rock climbing right?
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
How do you feel about dating a smoker?
Posted: 4/7/2009 8:30:33 AM
Here's another thought for you climbs. It is also shown that people that take breaks from their work to refresh are more productive when they actually do settle down to do their work. In fact I used to take "smoking breaks" in the past and go sit with the smokers because I found it to be an excellent source of relaxation. They tend to be more social and just talk and shoot the breeze when they're out there and it takes my mind off of my tasks for a few minutes, allowing me to also be more productive when I return to my desk.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
How do you feel about dating a smoker?
Posted: 4/7/2009 3:29:47 AM
I have dated smokers, I have lived with smokers. I have never smoked myself.

I think it's just silly to make the claim that smokers miss more work than non smokers. In fact from my experience they usually missed less time than I did. My boss smoked for years and then quit, he calls in sick now more than he did back then. My ex smoked as well for the first year of our relationship, I was the only one getting sick yet again and he never smoked in the house.

I never had a problem with dating a smoker and always tend to be sensitive to their needs... giving them time to go smoke. If we're on a long car ride I don't expect them to not smoke in my car. If it's horrible weather outside I don't expect them to go outside. I just expect to try and get some sort of ventilation going.

I suffer from asthma and I am prone to upper respiratory issues. As I write this right now I've been suffering from a lingering cold for almost a month now and barely slept last night because the wheezing and coughing got bad and kept me awake. I am not even around a smoker at this point in my life. I got it just because I am at high risk and not because of someone else. So it seems silly to blame the smokers for this. I did not grow up in a house with smokers and yet both my mother and I both suffer from this condition, it's hereditary. Same with cancer... she's currently dieing from it and you can't blame tobacco.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 247 (view)
 
World of Warcraft
Posted: 4/5/2009 4:22:51 AM
I've been bored in WoW lately. I've pretty much got everything I want for my mage until the new content comes out. I've been leveling up my 3rd 80 (a warlock), she is 67 now.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
When to approach the relationship talk
Posted: 3/18/2009 2:33:05 PM
Tell him something like "you've ruined my dating life, I don't seem to want to see anyone but you lately" and see how he reacts. Let him know that you're taking your first step and turning down dates but don't demand that he do the same. Just make your own intentions clear.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 304 (view)
 
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 3/17/2009 3:05:25 AM
I can't understand her need to keep her last name private, and the guy has reason to feel frustrated after having gone out with her several times. Not wanting to tell him where she lives is something that makes all the sense in the world.


I don't get it... you just said she shouldn't have to tell him where she lives, yet then you say she should give him her last name.

Just go to the auditors page and plug in the last and first name... and there's their address if they own a house. A good number of cities/counties have this information online in this day and age. Google your county name plus the words auditor or property search and you'll probably find it.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that one guy I went out with (just once) did show up on my doorstep using just that method. Thank god he was harmless, he was just trying to be nice and surprise me. But I had never given him my address. I had accidently sent him a forwarded email from work that had my last name on it. We never went out again because of that.

For Mesa, AZ go to http://www.maricopa.gov/Assessor/ParcelApplication/Default.aspx

For Knoxville, TN go to http://www.knoxcountyauditor.org/Search.aspx?ActiveTab=Owner

For Columbus, OH go to http://franklincountyoh.metacama.com/do/searchByOwner

All of those allow you to search by last name.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 301 (view)
 
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 3/16/2009 4:26:56 PM

I am amazed at how many are thinking 3 weeks of dating is a blink of time.Maybe it karma or something,I'm so used to a lady volunteering their number up front and 3 weeks is so long of dating we're usually sleeping together,of course I have waited much,much longer,but to think people are still stuck on giving up a last name 3 weeks later,wow.This is why these forums serve a valid purpose to see others think so differently than the ones you usually date


It all depends on how busy your life is or their life is. Do they have kids, do you have kids, etc? Do you have prior obligations with friends/family before you met? After 2 weeks I normally know if I want someone to stick around in my life. I can think of one time that my 3rd date ended on the same weekend as our first one, we kept meeting up every day after the first it went so well. However there have been some men that were just so busy (work or kids) that I felt like I barely knew them after a month.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Anyone else on adkins diet?
Posted: 3/15/2009 7:42:12 PM
you assume that I have not studied health and nutrition

Actually I did not make that assumption. I asked if you had actually studied this diet you are spouting poorly about and you even outright admited that you did not. You have never read the book. I don't doubt that you know anything about nutrition but I do have serious doubts that you know anything about what Dr Atkins actually wrote about and advised people to practice. How can you make claims about something that you outright refuse to read about?


I stand by my warning that The Atkins Diet is harmful in the long run

Since you have studied nutrition then please explain how this is harmful in the long run. As I stated before, you can do this completely vegetarian. Google and educate yourself a little bit. What is harmful is when people claim they are doing Atkins but never bothered to read his book, because they miss a lot of extremely important steps and facts.

Until you actually explain why your opinion is valid, you have not answered the OPs question. You have not even begun to address the issues you seem to have with a way of eating you haven't even figured out. What is so unhealthy about eating 3 cups or more of vegetgables a day? What is so unhealthy about eating low sugar fruits? What is so unhealthy about eating whole foods and grains? What is so unhealthy about refusing to fill our bodies with fillers, sugars, and preservatives? You say you don't like animal protien, well then you don't have to eat it. The last time I checked mushrooms didn't have that in them and neither did asparagus, spinach, artichokes, green beens and the such either... and those are the foods I eat on a regular basis. There are many days that I go not eating meat while staying on plan.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Anyone else on adkins diet?
Posted: 3/15/2009 3:04:30 PM
I already stated what I thought Atkins is...

Yes and then you went on to tell people the same thing he does. That's great that you don't condone eating animal protein... many vegetarians actually follow the diet as well. I could provide you with references if you liked. You don't have to eat animals to do low carb, that is a myth that the media likes to throw around. Once again... you are only propagating the lies that PETA spreads, wouldn' tyou rather tell the truth instead about something you actually understand? It's great when people claim to be experts on things they have never even studied.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 295 (view)
 
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 3/15/2009 1:53:03 PM

You made me remember something about some of those girls where it felt like a personal tid bit needed to be pried from their lips yet they would actually have no problem asking me endless personal questions and I was expected to answer each one because after all how else would they get to know me.Its almost as if a man should understand why a few ladies try to keep their life a secret to protect themselves but the man should just be an open book .This trust thing is a two way street. This sharing is a two way street,the whole act is stalled until she gives.

I agree completely. It is a two way street and I do not expect a man to give me his last name either. I've already admitted that the first thing I do with it is check to see if he owns a home. I also check for court records and occasionally police reports. I've been known to google them as well and look for places they post on a regular basis. Once I have information from a person, especially from online, I make sure they are who they way they are because far too many people lie and play games. You wouldn't believe how many married men I've caught on dating sites that way. :)


Please write me again she says,so you do,a long thoughtful letter,then a second email about 5 days later because there was no response,you say,hey guess your going through a busy time,shall I give you some space.Another 3 days later,you write are you OK,hope everything is Ok with your family.Then finally a letter comes to you saying sorry, forgive me ,I'll write tomorrow or the next day,promise.You write back,no worries here,thanks for writing back,you write back back a week later and say,its been quiet on your end,hope things are working out for you,got a good ear if you ever need a friend to talk to.You try another letter 5 days later, a hey are you still around,then finally you write 4-5 days later,you write "I can take a hint and I guess this must just be a bad time for dating or you just have no interest,so I am going to wish you luck and say goodbye,hope you find what your looking for.

That's just a person that can't figure out how to tell you no. That is a not a person being guarded. I think the problem there is you didn't take the social que and handle it gracefully and just disappear.

If I'm really withholding information because of comfort or security reasons then I will be honest and forthright about that. I will also help them understand at what point that information will become something I have no problems sharing and if I see us heading in that direction. It is absolutely all about communication. Just because someone doesn't want to tell you something isn't a reason to say "no, I"m not going to tell you" and then not at least explain to you why. If you have any hope of ever being an equal or a partner with them then the communication needs to be there and they need to be able to express themselves a little bit better than a 2 year old does.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Anyone else on adkins diet?
Posted: 3/15/2009 4:45:29 AM

Adkins is a very harmful diet in the long run... eat fresh fruits all morning then eat high raw, esp greens with both lunch and supper

I'm just curious... but what exactly do you think atkins is? Because you are supposed to eat 3+cups of veggies a day on atkins. Fruit is also allowed.

Yet another non atkins person giving advice against what the media has told them it is... and not actually bothering to read the book.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
this serious member stuff
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:57:43 PM
Then why in the world would a not looking/not single person still be here if it wasn't for socialising? You are implying that only singles should be on this site.

the header states: Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc.

It doesn't say anything about a requirement of being single, it says this is a place to get advice and share dating experiences in addition to meeting singles.

The other statment in the forums when you enter says: Plentyoffish forums are the largest singles and relationship forums for dating on the internet. There are million of posts about local meet ups,get togethers and discussions of singles issues. If you want to attend a local event please click through to your local state / province forum. There are also many forums discussing online dating, relationships and dating advice.

Once again... no mention of everyone has to be single. It's includes a discussion around dating and relationships and not just the being single part.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
this serious member stuff
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:42:25 PM
It has always been my belief that if you are in a commited relationship you shouldn't be here to socialise. Thats what myspace and the like are for. It states that this site and it's forums are here for singles, you're not quite single if you are in a relationship now are you.


But much more is discussed here besides relationships. myspace and the likes as you pointed out are not the same... they are not forums but just profiles of people. Not to mention if the people who were in relationships left... well who could really answer relationship questions?

I double checked and I really couldn't find anywhere that stated that the forums were only for singles. If that were the case then they wouldn't have the option of Not Single/Not Looking for profiles would they?
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
this serious member stuff
Posted: 3/13/2009 4:23:26 PM

ARENT WE ALL SERIOUS OR WOULD WE EVEN BE HERE???

Actually no, not everyone on here is serious. Some are just here for the social aspect at this point, myself included. I'm not looking for a man at this time (I think my boyfriend would probably get a little upset if I were).


Urban rumor / legend started every so often by someone terribly bored on here.
POF being a paid site. Hence the threads are locked or deleted for redundancy.

I disagree. Once upon a time it may have been a rumor or urban legend. The fact that he has now twice introduced ideas on how to produce money from users here makes me think that it's not that far off in the future. By now offering a premium membership it's only a matter of time before the benefits of free trickle away from that plan and into one that will make him more money. If he's smarter he'll offer a Premium, Paid, and Free account type in the end... with the free being severely limited.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Anyone else on adkins diet?
Posted: 3/13/2009 4:19:11 PM

Any one heard of Yam Noodles and where I can get them ?

I believe the most common place to find them is at an Asian grocery. They are Japanese but also used by the Chinese.

Personally I use dreamfields pasta and my friends don't even realize I'm feeding them anything low carb. I also use spaghetti squash in some pasta dishes as well.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Anyone else on adkins diet?
Posted: 3/13/2009 4:16:01 PM

Don't do the Atkins Diet - It was proven that Dr. Atkins died from his own diet.....clogged arteries from the foods involved with the diet.


Really? I just love it when people talk about things they know nothing about. Even the autopsy shows he died from head trauma. The last time I checked a diet doesn't make you slip on the ice and die from the injury.

Maybe you're a member of PETA, they are the ones that started that story and the ones that continue to propagate that lie. So if you want to take the side of a terrorist group then please continue to spread it for them, they'll love you for it.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Anyone else on adkins diet?
Posted: 3/12/2009 3:30:34 PM

Atkins has the correct core information but he was wrong to say people could eat all the meat, beef etc, they wanted.

Actually that was not his philosophy. He didn't say that in any of the books published in the 90s. (I can't state what was said in the ones from the 70s since I never read those) That is just a lovely media misconnecption that you eat all meat and don't eat veggies on atkins.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 276 (view)
 
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 3/12/2009 3:25:59 AM

Percieved becomes real when you feel someone is holding back or acting in a way not seen as normal,

Yes, that makes a lot of sense. However if I have yet to not have a man understand why I was hiding it if I actually was upfront and honest about it. It's all about being honest with each other... and if you're not ready to give out personal information then they should understand that. If they don't then it makes me suspect they have ulterior motives and may the exact type of person I am trying to protect myself. There is no reason they have to know that information after just a few dates.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 275 (view)
 
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 3/12/2009 3:18:19 AM
Oregon, no offense really... but the times have changed since your described your ideal dating world. That is not how it works anymore. With technology and crime increasing tremendously since then security has to change. I bet you also used to leave your car doors unlocked and possibly even your house door as well back then. When you grew up all the girl could do was give you her number, there were no other options available. Now there are many many other ways to communicate. With technology I can tell you every speeding ticket you've had, if anyone has ever filed charges or complaints on you with the police, if you've ever been married or divorced, where you live and the value of your home, etc. It's all right there at my fingertips now and a resourceful person can get it all for free.

I can tell you at least 2 stories where my life did become threatened and I had to call the police... all because I made the mistake of giving out too much personal information too soon. Mace isn't going to protect me from someone jumping out from a dark corner and raping me. Mace isn't going to protect me from a gun. Have you ever been raped? There are a lot of crazy men that think they're entitled to something they are not, just because I gave them the time of day. When I don't accept their offers they can become rude, aggressive and sometimes violent. I'm glad that you haven't met any of those guys... but trust me they really do exist out there.

When I say that there are a lot of weirdos out there... I'm talking about the aggressive ones. The ones who harass you and find ways to continue to contact you if you remove a path from in front of them. The ones that show up on your doorstep uninvited and the ones that find your work number and start calling you there hoping that your boss will make you talk to them. The ones that because they know your full name find your schedule for running games at a convention and then tell you they're going to be in that town that week and want to bring you a gift (after you told them to never contact you again). I'm talking about the ones that send threatening emails and IMs calling you names because you turned them down and the ones that try to smear your name and scare away any other potential dates away from your house so eventually you'll have no choice but to pick them. How would react if you went to see a new girlfriend and a guy walked up and harassed you... telling you he was with her? Would you not feel a little bit uncomfortable dating her after that?

There may be a lot of nice men out there and good guys, but that doesn't change the fact that there are absolutely some desperate men with no self esteem also out there that will do anything they can to win the girl they decided they want to be with.

Just for reference, I met two of those crazy people on here.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 268 (view)
 
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 3/11/2009 7:53:54 PM

why do so many of you ladies on this thread consider your last name of any importance that it should be withheld if someone was curious,even if that was on hello.


Okay then... can I have your address please? Because that's what you're getting with my last name. Send me an email with it, I bet you'll feel a little differently about it once you realize the actual concequences it can carry. Especially for a woman who could be physically attacked outside her house while coming home from work if the man knows she lives alone.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 266 (view)
 
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 3/11/2009 7:44:21 PM
I don't have a problem with my last name but I sure wouldn't tell some one my address in that short a time span


But if I tell him my last name I AM handing him my address. I own a house. I have absolutely no choice in it the matter, the county I live in lists my information for all to see. Once he has my full name all he has to do is go to their website and plug in my last and first name and there is all of my information right there for him to see.

If he hasn't been to my house yet then he's not getting my last name. I made that rule very quickly after I bought my place and it felt a little strange at first... but it only made sense. After all, I know that when a guy gives me his last name it's the first thing I look up as well. :)

As a single woman that used to live alone with no roommates (I have an SO in the house with me now) it's just not wise to be giving out that much information to a stranger. I've met some pretty psychotic men over my years of dating.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
this serious member stuff
Posted: 3/11/2009 1:52:27 PM

bu the thing is, the women dont respond for FREE....

aspateer, the main reason is probably because you say you're separated.

If you had written to me when I was single I can tell you I absolutely would have responded after looking at your profile.

If you keep up a negative attitude like that though it will shine through and no one will want to meet you. So change your attitude a bit and you might have some better luck. Take the negativity out or your profile. The sarcastic interest doesn't make you look that great. :)
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
HOT & HEAVY THEN I FEEL NOTHING
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:41:32 PM
Its called infatuation and eventually it wears off. You've been having sex with someone you weren't attached to emotionally and as you got to know him it was exciting. Finally you reach a point where you feel that you know them enough to realize there is no future with them... and the feeling of wanting them badly goes away with it just as quickly. I'd say you're actually pretty down to earth and realize that once you have screened them out of the relationship potential there isn't much point left to being with them.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
It’s All About The Dynamics!
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:36:54 PM
It's okay to have some differences, but in the end if there are too many it will tear you apart. I prefer to have someone that is similar but not exactly like me, as in we share the same general interests but not the same subsets.

My boyfriend and I are both into gaming, but each of us has different things about it that we enjoy and have focused on. This gives us opportunity to teach each other and learn new things. I show him my board and card games, he shows me battletech and all of the miniatures games I've always wanted to try but never had the right people around me to do it with. We both meet in the middle and play D&D.

Another example is music, he likes the harder more metal music and I like the more industrial alternative, but the two music styles do have a middle ground where they meet as well.

We are very much alike where it matters the most though, and that is in our thoughts on life and morals. We both agree on how people should be treated and how children should be raised. We agree on financial aspects and priorities in our lives. We agree on where family stands in our lives. Most importantly we agree on what our roles in the relationship should both emotionally and physically.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 227 (view)
 
World of Warcraft
Posted: 2/22/2009 4:11:31 AM
Friday night I finally got my Bronze Drake mount. I also got my first epic drop from 25 man naxx. (on my mage)
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 2/21/2009 5:58:44 AM

It seems that the people who's "Aspie Interests" help them with their careers are the ones who don't want a cure or change. My interests are not conducive to a career at all and I have not been able to find a work around. .

Stop making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself. I find it extremely hard to believe that you have no interests that could be focused into a career of some sort.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 2/19/2009 3:22:22 AM
That's good advice for someone who is depressed, but that's not me. Aspergers doesn't make me "sad" per se. It does limit a lot of aspects of my life. I blame Aspergers for the fact that I've never had a girlfriend. I can't do small talk. I hate it. I detest it. I can't even begin to describe how stupid I think small talk is. With that in mind, how is one supposed to meet people, women in particular?

Funny.... I have aspergers and I have never been sad because of it. Frustrated and exhausted from the emotional struggle of it, yes but never downright sad. Neither have the others I have known that have it. We're all rather proud of who we are and all have an attitude of "well if you don't like me then that's your loss". The fact that you are blaming it for things you haven't done and can't do just further proves my point. You're letting things get you down because you think you have to be a certain way. There have been plenty of tips in here (from myself included) on how to learn to get past these obstacles. I can't do small talk either and I refuse to do it. It hasn't stopped me though, it just made the challenge of finding someone a little more difficult. You're just making excuses.

As for the hypersensitivity... well I haven't met any men that had those. I have them myself but I also assumed it was from my fibromylagia. There are workarounds if you're just willing to find them. You're not the only man I've known with light sensitivity issues and had to wear sunglasses in a partially clouded environment. they never felt ackward about it. A lot of jobs are business casual meaning you can wear a polo shirt that is much looser than a dress shirt, or in my case jeans and tshirt.

You are the one limiting yourself, not your aspergers. You won't get beyond any entry level job simply because you aren't willing to put the effort in. I know I don't want to go into management and I'm perfectly fine with that. I don't need to make over 50k a year to have a good life.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop thinking of yourself as an outcast and just embrace your strong points. Go get a therapist, they can help you learn to spot your positives and point out when you start to fall into your negative destruction. There are people all over the world with disabilities that make them feel helpless and unwanted and you just have to learn how to make the best of it and maximize what you can do.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 2/18/2009 3:19:34 AM

That depends on where you're at on the spectrum. I'd give almost anything to have my Aspergers "cured". It keeps me from being happy and limits just about every facet of my life.


While it would be easy and convenient for it to go away... I don't believe it would be the key to happiness. Happiness is found by liking yourself and who you are and having confidence in that. If you'd stop feeling uncomfortable with who you were and embrace the good things about yourself you might find the situation to be a little different. Asperger's does not make people sad, the people around you that criticize you and make you feel like a outcast do. Get rid of those people in your life.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 2/18/2009 3:16:36 AM

Advice for young aspies. Make one of your special interests women.

Women are not mechanical nor logical creatures.... that makes no sense to give that advice to someone with apsergers. People are not a "special interest" situation since it also requires being able to read facial expressions and understand social ques.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 2/17/2009 8:18:59 PM

Really, Aspergers Syndrome is a great thing, I think. I couldn't imagine a life without it, nor would I want to. I pride myself on my ability to fix anything I want and identify a type of diesel locomotive from nearly a thousand feet away. But, yes, it is hard to accept people who can appreciate this.

That pretty much sums it up I think. I am happy with myself and who I am and where I am in life. If someone can't accept me for the things that I take pride in then they simply aren't the right person for me and I just move on. If you want something badly enough and are willing to put a little work into it you will eventually find another person that compliments your life and who you are. It doesn't matter what others think or say in the process as long as you never sacrifice who you are in the process and pretend to be something you are not.

I was fortunate. Last June I met that someone that compliments me 100%. He understands me and appreciates everything about me even if it is a little unconventional or unexpected. Just when I was about to give up on ever finding what I really wanted in a partner... he came along and proved to me that it really did exist.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 2/16/2009 2:53:42 AM
I think that's everyone's problem on here. Most people don't get responses to most of their messages. It's all about being persistent and not taking it personally when someone decides you're not the one they're looking for. You're profile looks good and has a lot of information in it. So unless you're saying something wrong (or nothing at all) in the emails you send out then you're in the same boat as everyone else. Just take a look at the threads sometime in the forums and you'll see many many men and women complaining about this topic.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Can a person with Asperger's find love and true understanding?
Posted: 2/15/2009 5:01:02 AM
The people that don't have AS but have just observed it always seem to think it's so simple. :) Until you have lived with it you really don't realize just how difficult it is and how emotionally exhausting it can be.

I believe I have said before and I will say it again... you need to find like minded people. If you're a guy you need to look for a girl that is more on the geekier side because odds are higher she shares some of the same issues that you do. When you're selling yourself to people tell them, I say what I mean and can be direct about it... sometimes too direct. I warn my potential dates early on that sometimes I might say things that to me aren't harsh (because it's just truth) that others cringe about or even get cry and hurt over. If I do that I need to be told, because if no one ever tells me then I won't know what to (try) not to do again. Odd phrasing and thoughts catch a lot of people off guard and make them uncomfortable. An example was a coworker and I were talking about my ex-husbands father and how he was a civilian military class while I was with them... he asked if he had retired from that job and I said matter of factly "I guess so, since he's dead now" lol. I mean it was logical... he died around the age of retirement so I just processed the thought as he must have and said it outloud. Most people wouldn't say something like that I guess.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Valentines day dilemma
Posted: 2/13/2009 1:39:17 PM

I know she has a busy schedule with school , but don't you think on valentines day we should spend it together?

I'm confused.... you are spending time together aren't you? she's giving you 7 hours together when you've only been dating for a month. That actually sounds like a lot of time. You've also been only dating a month. Have you even hit the "I love you" stage?
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
confused
Posted: 2/13/2009 3:21:47 AM
It's very simple... find a girlfriend and forget about it ever being her.

If you have an opportunity with someone and there is a real spark they won't walk away from you. If they walk then it will almost never work. If after getting closer to you she doesn't want the relationship to be with you then she's already made up her mind but wants to use you as a back up teddy bear for when she's down/lonely/bored.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Economy going bad... should I even be dating?
Posted: 2/12/2009 3:07:22 AM
ssfox, you're in the military... of course you haven't felt the impact YET. You'll be one of the last ones to get hit. the problem is we can't just pretend it's good and make it better like that, we tried to cover that way for the last 8 years and look at what has happened. This is one large trickle down that started in about 2001 when the first of the IT groups started getting laid off after a few years it finally started impacting every market because loans started to default and houses and cars weren't being bought as frequently... but then you were still in middle school (elementary even?) when it all started so you haven't had enough time to observe yet.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Girlfriend has a GUY friend..... what do you think?
Posted: 2/10/2009 7:39:20 PM
So you don't think a bigger isssue is one of the following:

1. The such good friend of 20 years was never mentioned until this trip came up
2. They're sharing a room together in Vegas
3. The guy didn't invite the OP
4. The other dude is keeping it a secret from his wife


1. False, he said they'd talked about him in the past.
2. False, that was an assumption and never actually stated in the first post. Yes, the guys suggested they could share the room but that was never actually made a fact. We don't know what her feelings on that subject were yet.
3. Undetermined, we don't actually know whether or not he was or was not invited. We have a very biased interpretation of what is happening based on his own personal and emotional feelings involved.
4. True, but what does that really have to do with the OP and his girlfriends relationship? Clearly this guy has been keeping it a secret from his wife for many years now. The fact that he is not telling his wife the truth has zero influence on this relationship because if he had wanted to make a move he could have done it long before the OP came into the picture.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Economy going bad... should I even be dating?
Posted: 2/10/2009 2:05:00 PM

If you even mention the possibility of finding someone who would pool resources and share expenses on these forums, you are labeled a "golddigger". It seems that during hard times, it would be the thing to do to join forces with someone and pull together to make it work.


I don't know that I would call them a gold digger but I absolutely would question the sincerity of them wanting to date me for who I am and not for what the stability I could offer them in their life. I don't want someone to be settling for me because I own a home and make a good living and have a fairly stable job (knock on wood) and sees me as someone he could move in with in 6 months to help make ends meet.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Economy going bad... should I even be dating?
Posted: 2/9/2009 5:51:45 PM

There are things you can do on a date for free or close to free. Everyone lives near a beach or a park.

Clearly you live in a warmer state than many of us.

I would not go to the beach or a park at this time of year... I'm not fond of frostbite and slipping around in ice and snow.

However their are things you can still do in the winter that are less expensive, they're just a little more difficult to come up with. It requires a little bit of searching and creativity.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Girlfriend has a GUY friend..... what do you think?
Posted: 2/9/2009 5:44:10 PM

But if you trust her, then what are you worried about? He can make all the advances in the world and it won't matter. No, it takes two to have an affair, and you don't trust either of those two, including your girlfriend.

I absolutely agree. Unless you're worried he's going to get her drunk and rape her then it's actually her you're not trusting. Do you think he's going to force her into doing something she doesn't want to do?
 
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