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 Author Thread: Should you intervene in a perceived domestic violence incident?
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Should you intervene in a perceived domestic violence incident?
Posted: 6/18/2013 1:52:27 PM

Just what I was telling my mate Lee Rigby the other day.


@ Kentish -Man Seriously???? You are comparing a domestic dispute to those two cold blooded murderers. And next time you quote me please quote the whole sentence rather than take half a dozen words out of context.
I said "Her life was not in danger.....his behaviour was bullying and meant to intimidate her, but not life threatening".
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Should you intervene in a perceived domestic violence incident?
Posted: 6/18/2013 7:52:00 AM
What Saatchi did was very wrong on lots of different levels. And I am glad it was witessed, that photos were taken, and that he will have to answer for his behaviour....either legally....or even just in loss of the respect among his peers and from the general public.

BUT it happened in a public place. Her life was not in danger.....his behaviour was bullying and meant to intimidate her, but not life threatening. Basically he was holding her throat....not trying to choke her.

And she lives with him...and probably knows him better than most people.....so you have to give her enough credit (and a few minutes) to handle his moods herself. She apparently put her hand on his and spoke back to him in a raised voice and for whatever reason, the situation diffused.

So I think the right thing to do in that case was to stay back and not interfere, but watch and listen, and be ready to intervene if things had escalated.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Signs of Getting Old
Posted: 6/18/2013 2:25:32 AM
Signs of old age.......
The first time I remember feeling old was years ago when I was out in a club with my sister and she looked around the room and complained of feeling old.......and I remembered she is 8 years younger than me.
Mostly I feel old when I first get up in the mornings....or get out of the car after driving for an hour or so....and my knees have stiffened up.

Then I remember I have a 17 year old son when so many other people in their 50s have grandkids around that age......and I feel quite young again.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Pet's Names
Posted: 6/18/2013 1:44:15 AM
In the past we've had dogs called Clasher and Maggie.
Maggie was black and white and this was while we lived in Australia.......and I sneakily suggested the name because it was short for magpie. So she got named after NUFC without telling my ex husband the reason (he was an Arsenal suppporter).

These days we have a dog named Jakey
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Are Holidays important when money is tight?
Posted: 6/17/2013 6:51:36 AM

Just wondering what people would sacrifice in order to have a holiday


Whoops....I quit my job in May last year because I wanted 2 weeks unpaid leave added to 2 weeks paid leave so I could take my son to Australia to see his dad and half brother and sister. After over 18 months of excuses work still wouldn't give me straight answer on a date I could go........or a even a deftinate Yes you can/No you can't in the subject......so I chucked my toys out of my pram and quit.
My son hadn't seen his Australian family for 5 years so I owed it to him and to them to get him back there somehow or other.
Still managed to get there, have a great 4 weeks, get back, and find work somewhere else without running up any debt in the meantime.

As for the "Are holidays important when money is tight?" question. I don't think holidays as such are so important but I do think a change in scenery and routine is important.......so you have to take a break of some sort.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Are Holidays important when money is tight?
Posted: 6/17/2013 6:51:10 AM
oops....double posted :/
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Bipolar
Posted: 6/16/2013 6:54:55 AM

No coincidence those in poverty have the most mental illness


Actually I'd be inclined to agree with the doctor's statement....but certainly not his reasoning behind it.
He is suggesting that poverty "causes!!!!!" mental illness.....when actually it is the mental illness that can make it much harder to stay in regular employment and also to keep a relationship going.
So mental illness can cause poverty and alienation....not the other way around.

Damnnn it......edited because I stuffed that up.......how do you do a quote inside a quote?
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 89 (view)
 
dating people with pets
Posted: 6/7/2013 10:30:59 AM
If someone's house stunk of dogs/cats then I'd be worried about their personal hygiene too so I wouldn't go out with them anyway.

I'd be more concerned if someone was tied to the house every few hours because of their pets.
We have a Yorkie (my son's dog really). But there are other people in the house to look after him if I want to get away somewhere for a day or so.
Chap who messaged me on here a few months back lived over an hours drive away and has horses and dogs. He expected any future "significant other" to fairly quickly start spending weekends at his house simply because he couldn't leave the dogs and horses alone all day or all night.
Win win situation for him.....would have meant he got out of doing any of the travelling too. lol >_<
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 25 (view)
 
ever got a bit lost using a satnav
Posted: 5/31/2013 1:08:17 AM
I got horribly lost last night. Have lent my SatNav to rellies who are here from Australia......and had 30 mile drive home at 11:30 last night without my SatNav.....but along a road I had already travelled with it a couple if dozen times......so I really should have been okay.
Anyway I have to travel past the Metro Centre to get home....Metro Centre is in Gateshead....so without the SatNav to tell me where to go I took a roundabout exit that said Gateshead/Newcastle. But ended up going through almost the middle of Newcastle instead of getting onto the A1.

Ho hum.........I probably shouldn't be allowed out in a car unsupervised.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 454 (view)
 
What puts you off messaging someone?
Posted: 5/30/2013 4:57:26 AM
There is a chap in my local area who actually states on his profile that a first date will NOT be going out for a meal as he is "not a meal ticket".
Everytime I have gone out for a meal or even coffee or drinks for a first date I have paid my share.......and wouldn't want to be out anywhere with someone who assumed I was there to rip him off. Ugh
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Erectile dysfunction,going through the change and there effect on relationships
Posted: 5/30/2013 3:21:36 AM

the girlfriends I have had since have regarded sex as much more important.


I remember in my 20s and early 30s that I was working in a Nite Club and sharing a house with 3-4 other women.....so sex was mostly kind of rushed and sneaking around and listening for footsteps and trying not to wake other people in my house or his.
In my late 30s and 40s I was married and there were usually kids asleep in the next room....so sex was mostly kind of rushed and listening for footsteps and trying not to wake kids in the next room.

A couple of years ago a gentleman with a cheerful, happy, live and let live, take every day as it comes, attitude to life told me he thought sex was the most fun that two adults could have together. Add that sort of thinking to a more relaxed attitude to sex on TV and in music........and yes it wayyyyy easier when you get the dramas and expectations and responsibilities that life heaps on younger shoulders out of the way.....to look at sex more light-heartedly (if that is the right word lol)
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Your own Inferno?
Posted: 5/29/2013 2:54:18 AM
Forever the optomist I'd not press the button. I'd wait for karma/fate/something to happen to reverse things.

But just incase it didn't.......I'd stock up on food, petrol etc etc and start watching Zombie Acropolis/Armageddon type dvds just so I'd be prepared. ;)
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What the hell: Update pics frequently, but how frequently?
Posted: 5/29/2013 1:30:38 AM
Try not to take it to heart OP. Some people (men and women) just like the sound of their own voice and think they have been put on this earth to convert everyone else to their own way of thinking.

Just put it down to a dodgy date.....we all have them. If he was that bad mannered/pedantic/spiteful/controlling/small minded/thick etc etc.......he would have been a right pain in the arSe to spend more than one date with anyway.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 159 (view)
 
Ever had a cyber crush?
Posted: 5/28/2013 2:16:32 PM
For a few months about 4 years back I was kinda smitten with an Irish guy who messaged me on MySpace.
He was supposedly!!!! called David, and supposedly!!!! worked as the "chief" for a government firm that supposedly!!!! supplied Bodyguards to look after visiting overseas politicians and supposedly!!!! accompany Irish politicians when they were travelling abroad.
It'd chat to him for hours on MySpace. He supposedly!!!! lived near the beach and went jogging along the beach with his Alsatian every morning, was in the middle of building a conservatory on his cottage in the evenings and helped run a small hotel he owned on the weekends. He'd message me several times a week.....sometimes supposedly!!!! from New York saying he was in his hotel room and just killing time waiting for his "men" to turn up so he could take them out somewhere for dinner. He was soooooo charming and dished out compliments and "my princess"s, "My darling"s, "my gorgeous Aussie friend"s by the dozen.
But at the same time I always suspected there was something dodgy about him. He claimed to live in Portrush in Northern Ireland.....but spelt it Port Rush. He also spelt Bodyguard as body guard. Always a bit of a worry when someone can't actually spell their profession or the town where they live.

Anyway I haven't heard anything from him for years but I do know another of his MySpace friends who was totally taken in by him and went over to Ireland to meet him but he stood her up. She hired a Private Detective to do a little bit of work trying to find out if he was who he said he was.....and it seems he was a married man with a few little kids living in a poorer area of Belfast.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Can you be single so long you forget how to be a couple?
Posted: 5/28/2013 12:22:32 PM
Reading lightstar's post got me thinking I have done everything the wrong way around.
My 20s and most of my 30s were spent working in a nite club and then living and working abroard.
It's my 40s and 50s that have been about kids.
These days I have a wonderful life. Half the week the youngest is away "in halls" at college....and half the week he is home.

So half the week I get to be single and do whatever I want wherever I want.
And half the week I get to share my life with another (young) adult who leaves dirty dishes lying around, can't find his socks, wants picking up late at night, thinks Lee Evans is hilarious, likes Zombie movies, Jackie Chan, and those horrible Jackass dvds, and can burp loud enough to rattle the windows.

Actually that sounds almost like being part of a couple.......all that's missing is sex.........and having someone else to do some of the driving.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
ever got a bit lost using a satnav
Posted: 5/28/2013 6:57:02 AM
A male relative drove us to visit someone one day......and as neither of us knew the way I suggested we bring my SatNav.....and he spent most of the journey swearing at it.
He has one of his own now.....a friend gave it to him 2nd hand and apparently the picture works fine but the volume doesn't. Then again if he speaks to it the way he spoke to mine.......I'm not surprised it won't talk back ;)
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
ever got a bit lost using a satnav
Posted: 5/28/2013 1:12:33 AM
I have an absolutely horrendous sense of direction and have got lost using my SatNav. But usually because it has told me to turn right and I've turned left.....or when I've been singing along to a CD and just heard something about and "exit".....and just paniced and taken the next one.
Hairiest moment was heading back home from up the coast.......coming up for a large roundabout......and hearing the SatNav say "At the roundabout take the 7th exit".
I mean really.....how the feck is someone supposed to watch the road markings, watch the other traffic, panic about what lane you are supposed to be in and how you are going to get into it........AND count to that many exits as they go wizzing past. :)

Should add though that I LOVE my SatNav.....one of my nephews bought it for me and I think it is the very best pressie I have ever had. I used to stress badly if I had to drive somewhere outside my normal day to day travels. Now I'll jump in the car and head off somewhere new (even at night) without thinking twice about it.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Killing Of Soldier in Woolwich
Posted: 5/27/2013 10:00:48 AM
Up until a few months ago I hadn't seen much of Russell Brand on TV or otherwise and had a pretty bleh opinion of him. Then I happened to see a YouTube clip of him dealing with some religious zealots in the USA. He was awesome......and suddenly I realised there was a lot of common sense behind the dodgy hair and pontificating foppishness.

And with this he has impressed me even more..........


RUSSELL BRAND on Woolwich
May 25th, 2013

The news cycle moves so quickly now that often we learn of an event through other people’s reaction to it. So it was when I arrived in Los Angeles to find my twitter feed contorted with posts of fear and confusion.

I caught up with the sad malice in Woolwich and felt compelled to tweet in casual defense of the Muslim community who were being haphazardly condemned by a few people on my time line. Perhaps a bit glibly (but what isn’t glib in 140 characters) I put “That bloke is a nut. A nut who happens to be Muslim. Blaming Muslims for this is like blaming Hitler’s moustache for the Holocaust”.

As an analogy it is imperfect but I was frightened by how negative and incendiary the mood felt and I rushed. I’m not proposing we sit around trying to summons up cute analogies when Lee Rigby has lost his life in horrific circumstances I simply feel that it is important that our reaction is measured. Something about the arbitrary brutality, the humdrum high-street setting, the cool rhetoric of the blood stained murderer evoke a powerful and inherently irrational response. When I first heard the word “beheading” I felt the atavistic grumble that we all feel. This is inhumane, taboo, not a result of passion but of malice, ritualistic. “If this is happening to guiltless men on our streets it could happen to me” I thought.

Then I watched the mobile phone clip. In spite of his dispassionate intoning the subject is not rational, of course he’s not rational, he’s just murdered a stranger in the street, he says, because of a book.

In my view that man is severely mentally ill and has found a convenient conduit for his insanity, in this case the Quran. In the case of another mentally ill and desperate man, Mark Chapman, it was A Catcher In The Rye. This was the nominated text for his rationalisation of the murder of John Lennon. I’ve read that book and I’ve read some of the Quran and nothing in either of them has compelled me to do violence. Perhaps this is because I lack the other necessary ingredients for extreme anti social behaviour; mental illness and isolation; either economic, social or both.

After my Hitler tweet I got involved in a bit of back and forth with a few people who said stuff like “the murderer said himself he did it for Islam”. Although I wouldn’t dismiss what he’s saying entirely I think he forfeited the right to have his views received unthinkingly when he murdered a stranger in the street. Someone else regarding my tweet said “Hitler’s moustache didn’t invent an ideology that sanctions murder”. That is thankfully true but Islam when practiced by normal people is not an advocacy for violence. “People all over the world are killing in the name of Islam” someone added. This is the most tricky bit to understand. What I think is that all over our country, all over our planet there are huge numbers of people who feel alienated and sometimes victimised by the privileged and the powerful, whether that’s rich people, powerful corporations or occupying nations. They feel that their interests are not being represented and, in many cases, know that their friends and families are being murdered by foreign soldiers. I suppose people like that may look to their indigenous theology for validation and to sanctify their, to some degree understandable, feelings of rage.

Comparable, I suppose to the way that homophobes feel a prejudicial pang in their tummies then look to the bible to see if there’s anything in there to justify it. There is, a piddling little bit in Leviticus. The main narrative thrust of The Bible though, like most spiritual texts, including the Quran is; be nice to each other because we’re all the same.

When some football fans smash up shops and beat each other up that isn’t because of football or football clubs. It’s because loads of white, working class men have been culturally neglected and their powerful tribal instincts end up getting sloshed about in riotous lager carnivals. I love football, I love West Ham, I’ve never been involved in football violence because I don’t feel that it’s my only access to social power. Also I’m not that hard and I’m worried I’d get my head kicked in down the New Den.

What the English Defence League and other angry, confused people are doing and advocating now, violence against mosques, Muslims, proliferation of hateful rhetoric is exactly what that poor, sick, murderous man, blood soaked on a peaceful street, was hoping for in his desperate, muddled mind.

The extremists on both sides have a shared agenda; cause division, distrust, anger and violence. Both sides have the same intention. We cannot allow them to distort our perception.

The establishment too is relatively happy when different groups of desperate people point the finger at each other because it prevents blame being correctly directed at them. Whenever we are looking for the solution to a problem we must identify who has power. By power I mean influence and money. The answer is not for us to move further from one another, crouched in opposing fortresses constructed from vindictive words. We need now to move closer to one another, to understand one another. If we can take anything heartening from this dreadful attack it is of course the actions of the three women, it’s always women, that boldly guarded Lee Rigby’s body as he lay needlessly murdered. These women looked beyond the fear and chaos and desperation and attuned instead to a higher code. One of virtue, integrity and strength.

To truly demonstrate defiance in the face of this sad violence, we must be loving and compassionate to one another. Let’s look beyond our superficial and fleeting differences. The murderers want angry patriots to desecrate mosques and perpetuate violence. How futile their actions seem if we instead leave flowers at each other’s places of worship. Let’s reach out in the spirit of love and humanity and connect to one another, perhaps we will then see what is really behind this conflict, this division, this hatred and make that our focus.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Too young to know better???
Posted: 5/25/2013 2:37:38 PM
The age of consent should not be dropped. The consequences of an unplanned pregnancy are are devastating enough for 16 years olds to deal with.....changing the law to condone that in 14, 14 or 15 year olds is rediculous.
Then as cakey said....the emotions involved in a sexual relationship can be hard enough for adults to cope with let alone children.

And as for the 9 year old burglar........unless he is diagnosed with some serious behavioural problems like OCDs etc etc....then I hope the parents are made to bear some of the responsibility and costs for what he has done.
Normal kids who have been bought up right just don't behave like that.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 52 (view)
 
It's Saturday - what are you up to?
Posted: 5/25/2013 1:54:50 PM
Very rarely watch tv on the television itself......except for maybe late night episodes on The Big Bang Theory, Bones or Game of Thrones in bed before I go to sleep at night.

I do have a minor addiction to watching 3 or 4 favourite TV series on the internet though because I am too impatient to wait weeks or months till they actually hit the television screens here.
And having worked a lot the last couple of weeks......tonight I am tryimg to catch up on 2 episodes each of Revolution, Revenge, and an Australian series called Packed To The Rafters.
My Saturday evening this week has been full of action, adventure, sword fights, explosions, torture, murder, politics, blackmail, spies, mystery, another sword fight and more murder.
So that's the American stuff caught up on.........now for a change of pace and a bit of Aussie comedy.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Killing Of Soldier in Woolwich
Posted: 5/24/2013 4:42:19 AM
I know where you are coming from there lightstar1

I did the shoeboxes to Afghanistan thing this year. Joined a FB page and sent several shoeboxes full of treats etc to two soldiers for a few months till their tours finished in April. It seemed a nice idea at the time but the more stuff I read on the FB page from other people sending shoeboxes.....the more the system seemed lacking.
When you got allocated a soldier you got a list of things you could/should send.....and a list of things that were forbidden.
That was fine......but I went into it thinking I'd be sending chocolates, crisps, sweets, magazines, etc. Just treats they'd not be able to get over there and stuff to help pass the time.

But then there were posts all over the FB page from people getting mail/calls back from soldiers and from the parents/families of soldiers......saying the soldiers were desperate for gloves, beanies and thermal socks to keep them warm. For anything they could add boling water to, to make a hot drink or a hot meal. For fleece blankets and safety pins so they could fasten the blankets inside their sleeping bags to keep them warm at night.

Surely the government should be able to supply soldiers on tour with enough kit to at least keep them warm!!!!!!!
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
POF in UK
Posted: 5/21/2013 2:34:14 PM

How bad is the intimate encounter like messages for women in the UK? I know from the administration side the UK is by far the most pervy of any country.


I for one did get fed up with both sleazy messages from guys....and the messages from guys in their 20s and 30s. I tightened up the age restrictions to get rid of the messages from men too young but still get the occassional sleazy message.

I am glad the chat box is gone. That seemed to be just another excuse for men with no profile pictures to want to start talking filth within a few minutes.

I personally have no problem with the new age restrictions.......just think 14 years is maybe a bit too tight. 20 years might not have so many people up in arms.

I also know couples who have met on here. :)
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 262 (view)
 
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:19:07 AM
Yes people should be able to send/recieve messages from any age........but I'm laughing here at the double standard some are spouting.
Let me get this right.....you are saying that women should use the age restrictions available on their profiles to block messages from men who are considerably older or younger..........just so that you gentlemen don't have to put up with age restrictions?

I used the age restrictions option when I started getting more nuisance mail from men in their 20s and 30s than mail from men my own age. It annoyed me that it had got to the stage where I was fed up enough to block all contact from people under/over a certain age just because of the sleazes.

So nothing different here....except now everyone else seems to be in the same boat I have been in for months.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Safe Dating? Would You Think Me Out of Order?
Posted: 5/20/2013 3:41:44 AM
I take it OP that you had already seen picture/pictures of him and you wanted the newspaper picture so you could check the pics you had already seen were not wayyyy out of date???

If that was the case, then yes I do think it was a bit out of order.
If you have been chatting to someone for a few weeks on the phone and by email......and you want to meet them....and they have told you that their photos are fairly current then there comes a time when you have to bite the bullet, take them at their word, and just make sure you arrange to meet somewhere safe.
If they do look 10 years older than their photo then you say thanx but no thanx and leave. And then just put it down to experience.

Asking someone if their photos are up to date is fine. Asking for proof and expecting them to photograph themselves with a current newspaper....after weeks of emails/pnone.....calls is insulting.

IF someone asked me to do something like that before a first date then the first date would not happen. Not because I have anything to hide, or because I look any older than my photos.....but because I'd worry that anyone who expected me to jump through hoops like that before a first date might be the type who would suddenly turn into a KGB interrogator if he thought I'd spent too long in the ladies room on the second or third date.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Interpretation and Translation
Posted: 5/19/2013 8:30:24 AM
I shy away from any profile containing the "I wear my heart on my sleeve" remark.

Probably shouldn't but I always picture them being clingy, over emotional and high maintenance..........and me having to walk around on eggshells watching what I say for fear of hurting their feelings.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 144 (view)
 
tattoos a turn on ? or turn off ?
Posted: 5/19/2013 7:14:52 AM
^^^^^^ whoops...that'll teach me to use spellcheck.

Thanx resownrose. I will bear in mind the fading thing. Cracking on a bit age wise though and the inside of my wrist won't see loads of sun so the colours might last long enough......well hopefully long enough for dementia to kick in and for me to be past caring if it's faded anyway lol.

I'm a bit past worrying about a visable tattoo ruining my career chances too. I'm looking for a 2nd job doing a little bit of bar work atm and doubt a small tat would affect that.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 141 (view)
 
tattoos a turn on ? or turn off ?
Posted: 5/19/2013 3:16:39 AM
@ Nottinghamfellow. It's a rough as guts type tattoo.....means"All Coppers Are Barstewards".

I have been tempted to get a tattoo for a few years and eventually decided a few months ago what I wanted. I'll only be the size of a 50 pence, just inside my left wrist and will be just colours...no dark blue at all...and half hidden by my watch anyway.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Home Bargains
Posted: 5/19/2013 3:03:52 AM
Never actually been into or even seen a Home Bargains store around here.......so I used the Store Finder to find our nearest one.
Seems Home Bargains miles are about the same as POF miles. According to the Store Finder the nearest one is 12.8 miles from here.....but it's actually in a town just over 20 miles away.

We do have a Poundland, a Tesco, an Aldi, a Waitrose and an M&S. Our M&S has it's own carpark. 50 pence for an hour but you get the money back if you spend over £5.
Very high percentage of the M&S customers don't seem to know how to park their car between the white lines though. I look at the some of the cars parked in their and wonder if the owners are maybe too old to be on the road anyway........or just too up themselves to care about anyone else but themselves lol.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Do men on these sites actually want a relationship or just sex?
Posted: 5/18/2013 2:16:58 AM
I did read somewhere lately......can't recall where (maybe FB.....maybe a book....maybe even on a thread on here....so if I am pinching this from someone else I apologise) that what men actually want is to have sex.

And that if the sex is good.....and the chemistry is there....and the right buttons are pushed...and the right boxes are ticked....then he might just want to have sex with that person for the rest of his life.

Seems it's not an exact science :)
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Changing sites. Have you found it better, worse or just different?
Posted: 5/17/2013 2:27:57 AM
If anything the pay sites are worse.
A lot of the same faces......but.......
The way the pay sites promote themselves they get people to "join free" then once they have gone through the process the people realise they can't send messages or possibly even read messages without paying.
There is god knows how high a percentage of the profiles on them are people who haven't paid.
So....you pay their fees....you see someone you like....you send a message. But you have no way of knowing if the person you sent the message to has paid.......and can even read the message let alone answer it.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/13/2013 1:36:55 AM
Someone with kids wouldn't put me off........but then again that's only because any man around my age is unlikely to have a really young child.
A few I have spoken to have had teenagers.....and as I have one of those myself, another one in the picture wouldn't put me off.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Words I learned on POF
Posted: 5/13/2013 1:24:03 AM
Solemate.............It must be a real word. I see it on here often enough.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
It's Saturday - what are you up to?
Posted: 5/11/2013 11:14:32 AM
Stopping in tonight......but as I share my home with a couple if family members I won't be alone.

I was out round the pubs with friends last Saturday night....and I go to a Pub Quiz every Sunday night....so not complaining at all.
What I really should be doing though is getting off my laptop and having a clear out in the spare room. Got young relatives coming to stay for a few weeks and I should try to make room in the drawers for them to unpack their suitcases while they are here.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Questioning the mentality of some on here
Posted: 5/11/2013 7:29:44 AM
After tightening up the message restriction on my profile i can easily go a couple of weeks without getting a message.....then suddenly get several messages in a couple of days.
I think it has a lot to do with how high up the rows of profile pictures you are on those "New Matches" emails that POF sends out........or if the weather is rubbish and people are stuck indoors........or even if there's nowt on the telly.

And yes I remember dating was much more fun during the Thatcher regime. I recall that for a few years of it I was working in a Nite Club AND racketing round the countryside in an old Cortina with a local Young Farmers group.
Two ponds to fish from......those were the days.

I miss that car too....there was something broken under thedriver's seat and the whole seat would shoot forward when I drove down a hill....and then slide back again when I drove up the other side.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
If you are really remorseful for murder, do you deserve some compassion?
Posted: 5/11/2013 5:33:10 AM
I really can see where Pandora is coming from with the remorse/compassion thing. And although I feel no compassion for Hazell or Philpott...........I can think of a few instances where I would feel compassion for people who have murdered.

Many years ago a gentleman I knew of killed his wife. She was an alcoholic and apparently quite a nasty one too. People in the street testified that they would often hear her screeching at him and he was often the one looking after the kids.
I don't know what went wrong the night that he beat and killed her.....but medical reports stated afterwards that her insides were so badly damaged by the years of alcohol abuse that she could have been killed by much lighter punches than it would take to kill a healthy person.
He was of course found guilty and went to jail. He is out now and as far as I know is living somewhere else. For him and for people like him I do feel compassion.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
If you are really remorseful for murder, do you deserve some compassion?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:54:33 PM
He gets no compassion from me. I don't think he is showing any remorse at all. His letter is just about HIM.

All he is whingeing about in his letter is how this is affecting HIM. How HE has no money and no fags and no hope....how HE is looking at 15-18 years....how HE wants to kill himself....how HIS whole world has collapsed.

No sympathy for the poor young girl who didn't get to grow up. No "Sorry" for her parents. Instead he complains HIS whole world has collapsed.....when what he is going through is nothing in comparison to what Tia Sharp's parents are going through.

15-18 years for him?????......against a life sentence for Tia's parents. He's getting off lightly. Let him rot in jail.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Tone of voice
Posted: 5/9/2013 2:11:56 AM
Yeah....chap rang me one night and had a terrible slow irritating drawl to his voice. Swear to god he made John Wayne sound hyper. I wanted to reach through the phone, shake him and tell him life was too short.

I can be a bit over sensitive to tone of voice in other ways too. If someone at work or around me seems to be in a s*itty mood or irritated it'll keep me on edge and I'll be walking on eggshells incase I do something to p*ss them off further.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
My first POF date - a Steep Learning Curve
Posted: 5/6/2013 6:22:53 AM
I have had two men in particular who were insistant that I travel to their town although both times I offered to meet them somewhere about halfway.

The first seemed to play a nasty little mind game over it......and when he didn't get his own way he totally ignored me for a couple of days. Then he sent a message early on the afternoon of the day we had been taking about meeting.....asking what time I was going to arrive at the pub near where he lived. And telling me I should park at his house so I could have a few drinks.
I reminded him that I had only actually agreed to meet at a town halfway between us.........and got a really nasty message back saying that I obviously wasn't ready for a serious relationship and to get in touch with him when I sorted myself out. Pr*ck.

The other one (a Scottish bloke) was quite funny. He gave up gracefully at the time and we never did meet.....but I got a message a few weeks later saying "Are you still up for some naked cuddles?" I sent a message back saying he must have me mixed up with someone else......and got the reply "Och aye xxx". Never worked out quite what he meant by that and never heard from him again.

They do say God loves a trier lol
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Cycle Path or Dog Path ?
Posted: 5/4/2013 3:49:48 AM
I lived many years in a seasde town in Australia. The boardwalks along the beachfront are apparently meant to be shared by cyclists and pedestrians and I have seen some close calls there with cyclists narrowly avoiding pedestrians.
Cyclists riding two and three abreast.......and families with kids and grandparents wandering aimlessly along admiring the view and not hearing the cyclist's bell till they were almost on top of them.
There were no rules up anywhere and I often thought that someone would get seriously hurt there one day.....especially on a weekend afternoon when the place was crowded..
I just googled the name of the town and the word boardwalk.......and found these guidelines.

Most of the city’s bike paths are shared with pedestrians. To ensure all
users enjoy these community facilities in safety, just follow the simple
rules below.

Hints for cyclists
Always give way to pedestrians
Obey all road rules
Make your intentions clear with hand signals
Always wear a helmet
Keep to a safe speed
Carry a drink bottle with you
Check your brakes and tyres
Keep left at all times
Ring your bell when approaching pedestrians
Dismount at crossings and signalled intersections
Lights must be used at night

Hints for pedestrians
Stay left and do not block the path
Allow enough room for cyclists to pass you
Don’t suddenly change direction or stop on the path
Keep young children and pets close by your side

Looking at that one anyway......three of the four rules for pedestrians relate to the OP's "dog's shouldn't be on a long lead" problem.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
People who Inspire you or you admire ?
Posted: 5/4/2013 2:54:45 AM
There are loads of people in the history books whom I admire......once I started writing the list would be almost endless.

Loving though I admire the major celebrities who use their names and money to start foundations and fund charities. Especially Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.....who apparently do a lot more than most donating money and time for humanitarian causes and wildlife centres, Doctors without Borders among many other charities. After Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans Brad Pitt started a foundation to help rebuild an area of New Orleans putting up 5 million dollars to get things started.

But even more admirable in my mind is someone like Jeff Fahey who is not so well known and makes no-where near the sort of money the A listers do.......but gives time instead of money.
You may or may not remember him from movies such as The Lawnmower Man, heaps of B grade movies, and the odd TV series like Lost.
He supports an orphanage in Kabul in Afghanistan and often works there (I think he helped build or establish it too). He has helped build other orphanages in third world counturies.....when the producers of the TV series Lost rang him to offer him the part in the series, he had taken a break from acting and was on a mountain top in Venezuala, having just opened an orphanage there.
And between actings jobs the last few years has also been back in Afghanistan helping establish the American University of Afghanistan there and also working to support womens rights and a woman's refuge there. And as if that wasn't enough he has also been to Algeria and the Sahara looking into the refugee problems there.....and then to Washington to advocate for the rights of Warehoused refugees.......some of whom have apparently been in refugee camps for over 30 years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxLZkchkAXY
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
IE .......We Have Contact !!
Posted: 5/4/2013 12:53:27 AM
I got a first message last week from someone local saying simply. "Let's shag ourselves silly".
On his profile he describes himself as "mischevious".........I'm guessing he thinks that will excuse him being a cretin.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Badger Cull - good idea?
Posted: 5/2/2013 5:40:58 AM
Maybe 18 months ago I was driving home from a nearby village pub and saw a badger legging it up the left side of the road ahead of me.
I slowed down thinking my car headlights might eventually spook him (or maybe her?) enough that he'd veer off the road and into the woods so I could safely get past him.........but no he kept lolloping along the road just ahead of me.
After a few hundred yards of this I pulled over to the wrong side of the road to overtake him......and as I drew almost level with him he turned his head to watch me drive past.
I drive that same road at night usually a couple of times a month at least and always hope to see him again.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Another star arrested
Posted: 5/2/2013 2:19:13 AM

Isn't it just classed as underaged sex, if they're 14 or 15, but if they're under 13 then it's statutory rape?


The statutory rape rules are very grey.....and vary hugely from country to country and in places like the USA and Australia they vary greatly from state to state.

I don't know what the rules are in the UK......but I do know that in other places a lot depends not just on the age of the minor......but also on how large a disparity in ages there is between the minor and the adult.
For instance in some countries a 15 year old having consensual sex with a 16 or 17 year old is fine. But a 15 year old having sex with someone a few years older is classed as statutory rape. In Canada I think it is 5 years older. In Queensland Australia it is only 2 years older.
So in Canada a 15 year old and a 21 year old could be classed as statutory rape.....even if the sex is consensual. In Queensland Australia it'd be a 15 year old and an 18 year old.

As I said I don't know what the rules are here in the UK. But I am sure a 15 year old and a 30-35 year old whould be seen as a deftinate disparity in ages. And even if there was no force or threat of violence involved (or even if the minor instigated the sex).....it may still be classed as rape.

I wonder too what the laws were regarding statutory rape 45 years ago........and if they were stricter than they are today. And does someone who supposedly commited a crime 45 years ago get tried based on today's laws or on the laws as they stood when the incident happened?
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Another star arrested
Posted: 5/1/2013 6:44:18 AM
I think that the line is getting blurred between the actual very few celebrities who have a serious problem and have targeted children.....and the celebrities who had too much to drink at parties and misbehaved with underage groupies who were dressed to the nines and caked in make-up and looking a lot older than they actually were.

That having been said William Roache did himself no favours by bragging that he has had sex with over a thousand women and supposedly saying that there was a time when he had no control over his sex drive.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
School hours and hols...
Posted: 4/29/2013 1:31:21 AM
I do think that most teachers are wonderful. Mostly they have gone into the profession for the love of it and do the best they can with the resourses they have.
I do think the system has a lot of flaws though.....and teachers have to deal with a lot more aggravation, a lot more work, and a lot more expense than they maybe realised when they first chose it as a career.

I had seen my stepson struggle and fall behind at school so by the time my own son started school I could see he was having the same problems as his older brother.
Not wanting him to fall behind like his brother had.......I tried to get ahead of the game.
I made sure each time he changed schools.....that each school had copies of all his records and assessments and the family history of dyslexia. Yet it still took till he was in Year 9 for him to come home one day and tell me he'd had a test a couple of weeks before and had just been told he was dyslexic.
Another 6 months down the track he came home totally fed up saying they were doing exams and the kid who kept falling asleep in class was getting extra help.....but that he himself wasn't getting any extra help even though he was dystexic.
I rang the school and was told that if he really was dyslexic I would have been notified.

The same woman rang back an hour later....full of apologies saying he had been diagnosed as mildly dyslexic earlier in the year and she couldn't understand why I hadn't been notified. BUT she had sent someone to help him with the exam he was having that afternoon and he would get more help from then on. When he came home he said the lady who had come and sat down next to him to help him had not helped him with the questions. She had just sat there and told him word for word what to right down for the answers.
Two days later an assessment arrived saying he is severely dyslexic.

THEN......last year at the College Induction day he had to sit bog standard numeracy and literacy tests to guage what level he needed to be in at college. The literacy test was 72 questions and he got 68 right!!!!!! Go figure.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
No longer desirable/dateable
Posted: 4/28/2013 11:54:29 AM
@ SoGud it Hertz
Oi you........don't be waving the "60" thing around. I think I might be developing a few "issues" about that number lol :-/
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
No longer desirable/dateable
Posted: 4/28/2013 11:15:39 AM
OP....I'm a year older than you and no-one has been cheeky enough to say that to me. And if they did they'd likely get blocked. Ignore them.
@happynewstart.....yeah there are plenty of men on here that sort of age.......I think a good percentage of them are holding out for someone 10 years younger than them though.
Before I put in age restrictions I'd get wayyyyy more messages from 25-45 year olds than from men around my own age. Go figure lol
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 60 (view)
 
PERSONAL HYGIENE!!
Posted: 4/28/2013 8:43:01 AM
All the talk about men "leaving the seat up" is one thing........when actually, at home everyone should put not only the seat....but also the lid down before they flush.
Apparently, not putting the seat down before you flush will result in airborne bacteria floating around the bathroom.....and if your toothbrush is within 6 feet of the toilet some of that bacteria will land on it.

What creeped me out though was the Continental Market that visits our town about twice a year. They are usually there Friday and Saturday. I didn't realise till I worked in a shop right next to the Market Place that the stall holders left everything set up on the Friday night. All they did was zip down the sides of the stalls and then they'd sleep the night in the stall with the food.
Soooooo.....for instance the pick 'n' mix sweet stall with their long boxes of uncovered sweets. Those sweets have been open to the air all day Friday with crowds milling round them and breathing on them and dust landing on them....then spent the night still uncovered and trapped in a small space while Mr and Mrs Stallholder and their two kids slept (coughing and snoring away) in sleeping bags on mattresses on the cobblestones. Then they zip the sides back off the stall showing the sweets still uncovered......pack their bedding away under the tables........and start selling again.
No idea how they go about using the toilets or having a wash between 5:00 pm and 9:00 am either because everything except the pubs is locked up.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Wierd dreams
Posted: 4/27/2013 4:42:09 AM
I remember when my marriage was breaking up I had a really vivid dream one night where we were driving along the road and cars were crashing ahead of us and there were cars and tankers rolling over and over......but just missing us as we drove along......kinda like that scene from "Twister" but with flying cars instead of the flying cows.

Not hard to interperate that dream.
 Jacknher
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Work, friends, families and fitting it all in...
Posted: 4/26/2013 9:20:07 AM
OK. I don't see the OP as selfish. He is right. It is his life to live. His parents gave him the gift of life and he owes it to them to "live" that life.

My son still only 16 and is at college doing a course that will see him qualified to do what he wants......work in a Zoo, Wildlife Park or Animal Sanctuary.
He is only 16 though so his long term plans change every few months.....from working with Kevin Richardson (The Lion Whisperer) in Africa.....to spending a few years living with the monks in Tibet (too many Jackie Chan movies there I think)....to opening his own Wildlife Sanctuary (god only knows where).

At the moment though he plans to go and work at Australia Zoo. And much as I hate the idea of either being on the opposite side of the world from him.....or selling up yet again and heading back to Australia myself to be near him.....there is no way I would discourage him from living his dream and seeing the world. It is his life to live.

I will admit to being a somewhat slightly overprotective mother lol.....but it would be very very very wrong of me to give a child life......spend years making sure he gets the skills he needs to do what he wants with that life......and then have my age/ill health stop him from living the life he has been given to the full.
 
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