IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? chat & forums.

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.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 185 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/8/2009 7:11:14 PM
184- The food thing is dead on. I've told SEVERAL people that if they fed me I wouldn't go away. They never believe me. :-p Feed me and you've got a friend for life. I'm kind of like a puppy in that regard. I mean it. Feeding me takes care of one of my core needs which makes me feel appreciated. I have several friendships that started because someone fed someone. But I'm a little weird... so it could just be me.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 172 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/8/2009 2:26:10 PM
^ Indeed. My closest female friends keep reminding me that "the right one isn't just going to fall from the sky," but many people (myself, unfortunately, included) still use that approach. It's unfortunate that half the time when I'm reminded of this we're indoor climbing, and the logical part of my brain points out that it could happen under the right circumstances...

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 161 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/8/2009 7:42:12 AM
Hahaha. If a woman doesn't call me or show that they care in the beginning of a relationship I will find someone who does. Also, asking me out almost guarantees you a date as long as I'm even remotely attracted to you. Funny, huh?

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

How to do safe cunnilingus?? Posted: 11/7/2009 10:23:41 PM
Dental dams. Or don't take strangers home...

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

feeling slutty, good? Posted: 11/7/2009 3:59:21 PM
^ This varies largely from person to person. No one in my social group would praise a man-slut.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

feeling slutty, good? Posted: 11/7/2009 5:56:59 AM
Also, just look at Halloween costumes. Half the time "slutty" can be used as a descriptor. People enjoy breaking things they see as taboo ... at least as long as they feel that they have a comfortable setting in which to do so.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

feeling slutty, good? Posted: 11/7/2009 4:55:11 AM
A lot of people like feeling like they're bein' "bad." A lot of people get a charge about breaking what they see as the rules.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

49 and never married/no children Posted: 11/6/2009 10:38:43 PM
Only listen to things that are red flags for YOU... not other peoples'.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Jilted lover Posted: 11/5/2009 3:29:21 AM
Any time you feel that you had to "fix" someone, the relationship isn't going to work. "Fixing them" usually involves trying to make them someone they aren't. This usually makes them unhappy. They come away from this, sometimes, knowing more about what they want and what they need. This allows for the speedy location of it... provided that they have the right social circles. I don't feel like I've ever been jilted. Even my long term relationship that ended with her seeing someone new before I'd even moved out NEEDED TO END. I'm happier now than I was in the relationship.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS! Posted: 11/5/2009 3:25:33 AM
You're over thinking it. You don't need to MAKE anything of it. He's moved on. I KNOW it's hard. You were with him for a lot of years, some of them very developmental... but you need to cut away from him. He's clearly started a family. It doesn't matter if it's rebound. Continuing to chase him will only end in heartbreak or a toxic relationship.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

omg that explains alot!! Posted: 11/5/2009 3:18:52 AM
I feel like they aren't the right one if I can't communicate with them about problems.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Ex girlfriend shows up at work, eggs my house. help? Posted: 11/4/2009 3:30:58 AM
Police report. Restraining order. Etc. Also, 14, the OP is a woman.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women Posted: 11/4/2009 3:29:52 AM
I would take it as a bad sign. It's not "harmless" if he felt the need to do it without your knowledge. If he broke your trust, you must decide whether it can be fixed

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 557 (view)

Stop being a NICE guy Posted: 11/3/2009 3:33:54 AM
^ It's not what women think. It's what short sighted, immature women think. Anyone who uses "all" as a descriptor is either being sarcastic or has been hurt too much to have a reliable opinion.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 358 (view)

The truth about Introverts. Posted: 11/3/2009 3:21:03 AM
Op- You really DO need to use a link or at least quotes when you quote something. Copy/pasting blogs from other sites as your own works is bad.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 555 (view)

Stop being a NICE guy Posted: 11/3/2009 3:10:46 AM
Your advice is flawed. "Don't be nice," then you follow it by saying that we should do what we want. If you were really nice you're already doing what you want. Otherwise you're just doing it to BE nice... which is fake and will never work. Also, wow; this thread is 3 years old.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 89 (view)

role playing..is it a turn on or no? Posted: 11/2/2009 12:37:12 PM
Role playing is fine... provided that you are both into the same sorts of things. I wouldn't like you described, but role play in general can be healthy/fun provided that both people are comfortable with the scenario.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 113 (view)

How to build chemistry with the nice guy after always going for the bad boy? Posted: 11/1/2009 5:30:54 AM
Personally, I think you're over thinking it. Let it progress a bit. You might be thinking about the lack of "umph" so much that you're missing the "umph."

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

help Posted: 11/1/2009 5:22:41 AM
Look, I know this is the last advice you want in the world, but let it go. I'm not going to give you a moral lecture, mostly because I think that 9 or 10 other people will, and I don't believe in wasting my time. The question I have is, "What do you hope to accomplish with all of this at the end of the day?" 1. Do you want to be the catalyst that breaks the marriage up? a. If you plan to be around after this happens, the kids will resent you. 2. It isn't that common for the person who is cheating to actually leave the spouse. (Especially with 2 kids.) 3. Generally when they DO leave their spouse, they don't tend to end up with the person they were cheating with. You need to ask yourself, "What do I hope to gain here, and is it feasible" ... I'm not sure you're going to like the answer. Getting involved with married people is dangerous and stupid... it doesn't matter how "bad" their relationship is.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

A friend's cheating husband Posted: 11/1/2009 4:44:27 AM
If you're going to do anything, mail her a letter. Telling her this face to face will only misdirect any rage she has back on you.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 154 (view)

COWARD ! - The Ignoring Game Posted: 11/1/2009 4:43:21 AM
Women do the same thing. I think that some people bail out so that they don't have to be there for the "fall out" period when everything is insane. Shrug To me it just seems like people like that aren't worth thinking of twice.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

HOW CAN YOU BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT CAUSING THAT PERSON PAIN? Posted: 10/29/2009 2:55:23 AM
Short term pain is better than long term being with someone that doesn't want you. Sometimes you have to do what needs to be done.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 234 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/28/2009 3:29:01 AM
Guys don't hate independent women. Guys have been taught/learned through experience that someone that feels the need to tell them, "I'm independent!" in the first 5 minutes of meeting them are trouble. I think that a lot of people forget that the profile is the, "Hello, I'm _______." It should provide information while being open. You would never, ever, ever send out a resume with, "I don't need a job," written anywhere on it. You probably wouldn't respond to, "Can I buy you a drink?" with, "I'm independent!" In both of these situations the behavior comes across as needlessly combative. This is how many men view it in profiles. Men WANT independent women. As many people have pointed out, no one wants someone that is going to smother them. Though the reality is that by the time most of us reach adulthood we have a way to avoid those personality types. There aren't any people in my social circle that lack independence, therefore it sets off warning bells when people feel the need to tell me that. (Much like I wouldn't start a profile off with, "I don't live in my parents' basement," in spite of the fact that I don't live in my parents' basement. It comes across as odd. "Why does he need to write that? What's wrong with this guy?!" )

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

you cant beat a fantasy can you Posted: 10/27/2009 8:02:05 PM
Let it go. You're dealing with someone that is admittedly more "in love" with a stranger from a bar than she is with you. Not only are you wasting time, the kind of mentality you're dealing with doesn't seem to be very mature. Also, at 19 months you would hope more for "in love." Yeah... better to walk on.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 91 (view)

When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes? Posted: 10/25/2009 8:26:42 AM
If this is how things are going, and he doesn't want a relationship, what incentive is there for him to have one? It sounds to me that he's getting what he wants out of the relationship. You sound like you aren't. Move on.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 154 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/25/2009 7:17:59 AM
Plenty of recently broken up people use sites like this one as a way to "feel" like they're back in the dating game without actually BEING back in the dating game. Sometimes these comments DO seem like that first cry of freedom from a crappy relationship.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

Why do men with kids respond to my ad? Posted: 10/25/2009 7:16:32 AM
They're hoping to be the exception to the rule.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 141 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/24/2009 1:54:09 PM
^ I'd never thought of it that way.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 131 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/24/2009 11:58:57 AM
And that's most of the problem with communicating with people today. People assume that other people think like them and that they can use 3 or 4 words to define themselves and have everyone totally "get" them.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Are people that have been in FAITHFUL ltr's better lovers? Posted: 10/24/2009 3:53:10 AM
No. I don't agree. Some people cheat because they can. Some people cheat for variety. Some people cheat because they're amoral jerks. Regardless, cheating in a long term relationship shows lack of character. If you don't want to be with someone, don't be with them. Don't waste their time.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 111 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/24/2009 3:45:08 AM
^ Well, if you go through the various definitions that women have given for what they meant by "independent," doesn't it make sense that we read too much into things? Again, I'm flabbergasted as to why people don't just write the paragraph that their sentence means. It's more informative and more interesting.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

Kissing cheating? Posted: 10/24/2009 3:41:18 AM
I don't want to bring you down, but odds are that if she was doing stuff right away, she had a plan and it didn't work out. Or it was total rebound. Either way, I'd be careful. "Make-up/break-up relationships are dangerous and time wasters.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Kissing cheating? Posted: 10/23/2009 1:06:35 PM
Yes. Unless it's a peck on the cheek. Also, if there are hickies... I mean, come on. You're not "allowed" to just make out with anyone you please if you're in a relationship.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Really need some advice!! Posted: 10/23/2009 1:03:37 PM
^ There's a very Seinfeld-esque, "He took it out" thread floating around here someplace. You wouldn't think that there were that many stupid people out there, but yup... there are. :(

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 98 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/23/2009 12:54:25 PM
91- I think that it's important to point out that a lot of people that are writing it INTEND it to mean something very specific that it, based on some of the writing here, men do not INTERPRET it to mean. Consider for a moment that profiles are basically adcopy. (I've designed mine to get rid of people that would be bothersome to me. It leads with my strange side.) I turning the question on its head, but I'm not sure that asking whether we're all a bunch of arrogant, controlling dictators is going to counter what would appear to be a problem of intergender communication. Some women use it to mean "I'm not controlling, jealous, clingy or whiny." Which is fine. But by all means, what what you mean. "I am an independent woman" is only two words fewer and a lot farther from what they actually mean, especially if it's followed with, "I don't need a man." Also, as some have pointed out, the "I don't need a man" thing has some issues in itself. The one that I hadn't previously commented on are its uses by feminists. I'm feminist myself in the sense that I believe in equality, but, "I don't need a man" sounds like the kind of statement you'd see at a girls' night out in "Bridgett Jones's Diary," right before they talk about what "emotional **wits" men are. Also, as I was born in the 80s and grew up in the 90s, there's a LOT of pop culture/novels around this sort of behavior. The films especially would probably make a good study in anti feminism, as many show a girl that's SO independent and feminist that she's a man hater. (If it's a romantic teen-drama, she's the one that our misguided jackass of a hero must mind up with in the end, but only after she is convinced that she needs men.) The point that I'm trying to make is that, at least in a lot of the pop culture I saw growing up, these are the lines of the "ice " character. These are the lines of the person that take a good thing too far, go past "men and women should be equal" and straight to "we need to put those stards in their place." Now... maybe I AM a self obsessed, controlling dictator. But honestly, world domination is mostly a hobby for me. It's something I do on the weekends. A question was asked, and it was the kind of question that interests me, because every time it comes up it turns out to be more about language than attitude. Very rarely do the words mean to women what they mean to men. Language is one of my hobbies, so I can't help but participate in the discourse. Now if anyone needs me, I'll be over here trying to bend spoons with my overlarge brain. (At least, I assume it's overlarge... part of my head has begun to swell up through my hair. That's a bit disconcerting if you think about it.)

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 82 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/23/2009 9:00:30 AM
The think the issue here is that people use one or two words to mean things that are better explained in multiple sentences. (I'm not having a go at anyone, I'm just pointing out that some people are expecting an interpretation that's very difficult to get out of what is provided.)

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 72 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/23/2009 5:11:50 AM
As some have stated, I've known a great deal of independent people in my life, and most of them don't feel the need to declare it. (Unless they're drunk and doing an impression from Eddy Murphy's "Raw," "This is my house! I pay the bills on this m-fer, and if you don't like it, get the f- out!") I tend to agree with the Capt here. What's the point in loudly proclaiming yourself to be independent? I'm too am feminist in the sense that I believe in equality. Some people, however, have waded off into the deeper end where men are the enemy. I don't get why some women seem to think that men are afraid of independent women. Let me be very, very clear. I'm 28 years old. My mom and my aunts were among the last, "You have three choices girls, you can either be a receptionist, a nurse, or a teacher" generation. (Yes, I heard this conversation one Christmas. 2 nurses and a teacher.) Anyhow. The women I've grown up with and the women that I'm friends with (and I tend to have more female friends than male friends as a rule... I grew up on a street with mostly girls) have jobs and pay their bills. Let me say that again more concisely: All of the women I know have jobs and pay their own bills. All of the women I know are financially independent. All of the women I know handle their shit. I never knew my grandfather on my father's side. The tough one, the Marine that once bought a shotgun because it was on sale, but I like to think that if I said to him, "Grandpa, I pay my bills!" he'd tell me, "Of course you do. You're a 28 year old man, and that's what men do." It hasn't been something that "men" do in a long time. Grown people pay their own bills. Grown people are independent. When I hear someone say "I'm independent," I hear "I'm grown up." The louder they say it, the more I think of my nephew going, "I'm a big boy!" As to the whole "I don't need a man," bit... well, as I see it that's got a few things working against it. 1. As far as I'm aware women have not yet mastered mitosis. 2. Whenever I hear this, I hear, "I don't need you." (I, being a man, make the statement personal and relevant to me.) Not something you want to hear from someone that you're considering asking out. 3. Most men, at least in my observation, have a desire to be needed. For many of us it is a relationship need. (And gents, please don't beat me up... I know I don't speak for everyone.) But back to the original point. Men are not afraid of independent women. If we were, I'd have to buy a lot more brown pants. I've known less than a handful of women that WEREN'T able to take care of themselves in my entire lifetime. (One of my grandmothers lost her husband early and hadn't worked that much. She'd been a housewife. I've only known two or three housewives.) You pay your own bills? You take care of yourself? You're an adult. Of course you do. I don't know anyone that's looking for someone that is looking to date a child. But I'm also not looking to date someone who feels the constant need to shout, "I'm a grown up!!!"

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/22/2009 7:40:39 PM
"Need" isn't necessarily material. In fact, it's better when it isn't.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Really need some advice!! Posted: 10/22/2009 5:54:30 PM
Danni, I recommend seeing a professional. Perhaps someone in sex therapy could help you with this. There's nothing wrong with having things that you can't change on your own, but this isn't healthy, and it might be a barrier to relationships. m.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 10/22/2009 5:37:05 PM
They're negative to me. I see "need" as an important thing in relationships. That's just me though. (I've always argued that the breakdown of mutual need over the last 30 years +- is one of the major factors in the increase in divorce. Mutual need kept families together. Now, I'm not saying that you need to be totally reliant on the other person like you used to have to be, but I would prefer someone be with me because I fulfill a need, even if it's just by something in my inner ".marcness" if you will. Wants change over time. I might want a burger, but tomorrow I'll want a pizza. Needs tend to go deeper than that.) The "I'm happy with my life the way it is" bit gets me the most, 'cause it kind of says that they want you to move into their life in progress and try to fit without breaking anything. Sorry if this made little sense. I had the flu, and they've got me on some weird cough syrup.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 413 (view)

Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man? Posted: 10/22/2009 2:24:38 AM
410 1. I find cooking VERY interesting. Driving a certain way isn't a necessity to me. Eating is. I need to eat to survive. Surviving is cool. (I drive a automatic, though I do have a female friend that's offered to let me use her manual if I want to learn to drive stick.) 2. What is "cool" is very relative. 3. Your name is your identity. It is minor to some and major to others. As for who gets more in divorce, well, that's the cost of living in a society that's been patriarchal for thousands of years. Men were in charge and made rules about what women could do and what would happen if they were divorced. (Because before career minded women were the norm this sort of thing needed planning for.) 2 words: prenuptial agreement. Aside from the whole children aspect, many places require all assets to be split right down the middle unless you have a prenupt. If you get a prenupt, be sure to include possible children in it. "Give more" comes from a certain perspective. Your approach is mostly financial. I'm not saying there's something wrong with that, but it's not a very holistic view of things. All I can say is that the last time I lived with a partner we did a pretty good job at keeping things split right down the middle. That includes her surprising me with dinner out... or with a very nice homecooked meal from time to time.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 409 (view)

Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man? Posted: 10/21/2009 6:53:18 PM
Too bad #4 more or less invalidates the whole argument. Really? NOTHING?! My mom's no-bake cookie recipe is pretty freakin' cool. Edit: Also, the idea of the ring goes back to Rome. The left ring finger is associated with the heart, 'cause they believed a vein ran from that finger to the heart. As for the bended knee bit goes, I can't find a historical reason for it but bowing is often associated with honor, and it DOES make sense that you'd want to humble yourself a bit when you're asking someone to spend their life with you. (And give up their family name, traditionally.) A lot to ask. Also, I've known men who've been proposed to by women. It DOES happen. It's just rarer because the foundations of our society are mostly patriarchal.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

WHO is more Promiscuous MEN OR LADIES ??????? Posted: 10/21/2009 2:50:03 PM
Post #6 nailed it.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Woman pays $10,000 to find a husband ? Posted: 10/20/2009 12:09:13 PM
Anyone that is oggling MY picture doesn't have any sense to begin with. Hrmph. Doesn't work as well spelled out. :(

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Woman pays $10,000 to find a husband ? Posted: 10/19/2009 8:38:08 PM
You can get dates without paying 10K, 22.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Woman pays $10,000 to find a husband ? Posted: 10/19/2009 7:01:22 PM
She's very, very picky. Though really, if you're 24 you don't need to be spending two years of your life saving $10k to blow it on something like this. Hell, I'm not THAT much other than her, and I wouldn't do it if I had the money just sitting around. I would say that, "You can't have everything," but why should anyone settle if they don't want to? As long as you accept that overpickiness can lead to "crazy cat lady" syndrome, it's fine. (And this is coming from someone that's very shy with strangers and very picky.)

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

do men like getting more then giving Posted: 10/17/2009 5:59:39 AM
Meh. I find that it's harder to do a good job with everything upside down.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 234 (view)

That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal Posted: 10/17/2009 5:58:22 AM
Beach, I think that our use of wording is just slightly different. I tend to be a romantic, so I hope for romance. And of COURSE there's sexual desire. I just don't "expect" it to happen. I may "HOPE" for it to happen, I may "WANT" it to happen, but the reason some of the women here are going right for the throat is the use of the word "expects." It implies that the value of the cheeseburger and the value of the sex are similar. Cheeseburger will NEVER equal sex. (Well, ok.. a loaded 5 Guys burger comes close.) Her liking me and having a good conversation might. If I ask someone out on a date the only thing she owes me is showing up. (Provided she indicated she was coming.) Are there hopes attached? Sure. I agree that a lot of people play a lot of games regarding sex. If a woman doesn't want to wait, she doesn't have to. I've known PLENTY of women who prefer not to. (Known. Not "known." I tend to wait a bit so I don't get attached to someone that's not going to be around for long.) It's not really anything new.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 231 (view)

That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal Posted: 10/16/2009 8:43:06 PM
Conversation. And someone to eat a cheeseburger with. Not everything in life has an instant return. Ever plant a garden? Those tomatoes don't come up by themselves.

.marc

Joined: 2/11/2007

Msg: 229 (view)

That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal Posted: 10/16/2009 8:11:15 PM
I believe all that relationships are are friendships with a sexual relationship. Therefore, it's hard for me to say, "I don't date for sex." At some point, I am. Even so... this whole topic is silly to me. You know what I expect when I buy a cheese burger? A ****ing cheese burger.

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