Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: What's wrong with settling?
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
What's wrong with settling?
Posted: 7/2/2010 7:37:35 PM
The danger in settling- http://xkcd.com/310/
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 446 (view)
 
Dating within' your League
Posted: 7/2/2010 7:29:37 PM
The problem with the concept of leagues is simple-- every now and then you run into someone so AMAZING that no one things that they can possibly stand a chance. In walks someone with the mentality of Odie from Garfield... this person has no concept of reality--- but they're just dumb enough to think they have a shot. Amazing person in question never gets asked out and is beginning to think something is wrong with them... BAM... Odie gets the date.

You're better off taking a shot than not taking a shot, I guess.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Women can't fake it
Posted: 7/2/2010 12:42:16 PM
Meh. I've always felt that any person that got that far with me would be reasonable enough to see that they have more to lose than to gain by faking it. I don't see a point to the paranoia.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 186 (view)
 
what does it mean really for a guy to try to have sex with you on the first date?
Posted: 7/2/2010 9:08:42 AM
What's the point of asking, "What would've happened if I hadn't?"
What I mean to say is, are you trying to learn for next time, or are you unhealthily fixating on what you think was a bad decision? These are two different things.

Often people fixate on the whole "what does it mean" thing. It's one of the things we've done since the dawn of time. I think it's part of our makeup. The problem with this is that without knowing someone fairly well, it is very difficult to figure out what they mean.

With limited knowledge about someone, all you can tell about someone trying to have sex with you on the first date is that they wanted to have sex with you on the first date. See? Circular. This is where we fall into the mental trap- "does he/she think I'm a slut?!" "How many people has he/she been with if they've done this with me?!" ETC ... this slopes downward, if you're the type that fixates on things, into the inevitable, "Oh my god! Why did I do that! WHY! WHY!!!! Stupid! Stupid!!!!"

You have to take things for what they are and try to sort things out for yourself. This may sound crass or harsh, but it really does depend on the character of the person in question.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 183 (view)
 
How impotant is oral sex the first time you sleep together?
Posted: 6/30/2010 8:11:36 PM
Subject question- Depends on the people, I would think.
Honestly, I don't see a difference between being willing to sleep with someone and being willing to perform oral.
Quite frankly, if you "don't know each other well enough" to engage in oral sex, you probably shouldn't be having sex to begin with. (Or, at the very least, you probably shouldn't be judging the other person based on what they're willing to do to you.)

I mean, seriously... how are you going to judge someone based on them doing something that you enjoyed that you LET THEM DO. If you participated in the act, you can't really negatively judge someone on it. "She sucked my d- after only knowing me a week!" "He let someone he's only known a week suck his d-!" ... Both statements strike me as somewhat immature. If you're supposedly enough of an adult to get involved in amorous adventures with someone you "don't know each other well enough" for, you should be enough of an adult to recognize that you have equal stake in everything you do.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Can't orgasm
Posted: 6/30/2010 7:53:33 PM
Is it possible that there's a mental block from having the ex cheat on you?
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Why the no contact rule?
Posted: 4/25/2010 5:09:11 AM
The problem is that very few relationships end mutually. Usually one person ends it, and the other person is over in la-la land saying, "But we can fix it!" (This happens even if the relationship is bad and needs to be put down.) In situations like this, staying in contact with each other is emotional torture, and it risks putting the party that wants the relationship to continue on "the hook."

In a long term relationship you have established roles. It is very, very easy to fall back into these roles (Which is why people have sex with the ex and then are like, "WHY DID I DO THAT!?") or to feel like something is lacking in the friendship... or be disgruntled when they meet someone new.

It isn't a matter of "wanting something" so much as it's a matter of protecting your emotional state. Do some people continue to have good friendships with exes? Sure. Of course. A lot of people, though, can't handle it.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
No sexual attraction on first meet. Do I bother with a first date?
Posted: 4/17/2010 6:52:10 PM
I tend to find that people grow on me over time, but that could just be me.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
A 3rd date rule applies?!?!
Posted: 4/10/2010 9:12:43 PM
You sleep with someone when you want to, not because of some sort of socially constructed BS "rule."
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 128 (view)
 
We haven`t met,but she telling her neigbors.
Posted: 4/3/2010 8:53:13 PM
Meh. I'm not the sort that thinks that someone I might take out to dinner is a secret. Now, if I'd shared any "intimate details," which I probably wouldn't with a stranger, those'd be off limits... but just the "Hey, I met this guy Marc online." ... not privileged information.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
First kiss what date?
Posted: 3/29/2010 6:42:24 PM
Whenever the moment is right. Don't try to create a schedule. You know the right moment when you see it.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 331 (view)
 
I have a great looking girl but............
Posted: 3/26/2010 9:13:29 PM
What if all your hair falls out?

Find someone that you can appreciate for who they are. Looks fade... once you're in love, they're less important.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 151 (view)
 
Why do guys look and not even say hello?
Posted: 3/26/2010 8:50:36 PM
I look at profiles. Most of them bore me... or say the same thing as 99% of the other ones. If someone piques my interest I'll message them. Most of the time, I won't.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Does great oral sex giving depend on how much you like/love that person?
Posted: 3/26/2010 3:06:13 AM
I don't believe in holding things back. People play too many stupid, childish games with sex. Why hold anything back? Silly.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 73 (view)
 
My 8 year must accept you before I do.
Posted: 3/24/2010 6:30:11 PM
I wouldn't find this acceptable. The child should NOT be in the driver's seat of the relationship. This isn't to say that the child should have no input, but they shouldn't be calling the shots.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Do You Like Your Women/Men Like You Like Your Coffee?
Posted: 3/10/2010 7:17:41 PM
No. I like mine like I like my brownies. Sweet, rich, and just a little nuts.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 3/10/2010 2:53:25 AM
Any time you have to ask, I'm thinking it's not a good thing.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:31:11 PM
12- Games go both ways.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:42:57 PM
Life'd be a lot easier if people didn't play games, unfortunately you'll come across a lot of people that are afraid to be honest even when there is nothing at stake. That's life.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
WOMEN FRIENDS
Posted: 2/5/2010 7:46:16 PM
#29,

I have a thing about guilt... not good with it, so I don't do things that make me feel it.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
WOMEN FRIENDS
Posted: 2/5/2010 6:51:19 PM
Most of my friends are women. Always have been. If I were interested in any of them, I'd be with one of them. I'm monogamistic by nature, and I'm bad at lying.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 127 (view)
 
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:47:51 AM
No, but lack of communication might be.

If people actually sat down and had the, "I like this, I don't like that" conversations, there'd be fewer problems. As it is, people just complain.

^Also, the solution to that is either monitor kids on the internet better (parenting), or stop treating children as though they don't know anything about the world. Communication and education are the keys here. Really, you can look at any sort of mass media related thing and say, "Has this effected this?"
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 422 (view)
 
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:39:51 AM
448- Yes, I totally get that, which is why I said that it wasn't reasonable thinking.
But that's why I see it as part of the forming of the family... this idea that the identity is changed to form the family. I'd have to consider whether I'd change my name. I think I'd be ok with picking a new name and using that. But name changes are harder for guys in some places.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 414 (view)
 
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 3:25:00 PM
I don't think so. It'd seem needlessly combative right off the back... like the people who say "No liars or game players!" as though the liars and game players are the ones steering away from them for saying it.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 412 (view)
 
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 3:07:27 PM
Of course it's just as valid... the problem is that if two people have a valid emotional reason for the issue... well, that's how we end up with the situation we've got here. If no one is willing to compromise it can go up in smoke pretty quickly.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 409 (view)
 
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 1:21:58 PM
Oh, I totally understand why you'd want to keep your own name, mind you. This isn't necessarily a logical thing. That's the problem with this, a lot of people are assuming that this is a conscious decision when it is actually something deeper. It isn't as simple as, "She's mah woman! She will me mah woman!!111"

No. It goes deeper than that. As I said, I tend to think of taking the name as symbolic of forming the family. Therefore, someone not wanting to take the name to me is as hurtful as saying, "I don't want to be your family." Now, is that reasonable? No. But that's the funny thing about emotions- they aren't generally linked to reason.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 406 (view)
 
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:42:19 AM
Taking the name is part of the family building process. It's also a tradition. Then again, I'd be just as happy not getting married at all, but really, I think I'd feel kind of rejected if I wanted to go to the trouble of getting married and she didn't want my name. Even so... not taking it is better than going hyphenated. I hate that.

(And yes, I realize that this post makes me sound somewhat closed minded... and I think I'm kind of ok with that. Those that know me here know that I tend to be logical most of the time. I'm allowed the occasional spurt of stupid.)
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 66 (view)
 
DO WHAT I SAY...OR ELSE
Posted: 12/15/2009 5:16:32 PM
Depends on what they want to do. (For example, she can't "do" the cute delivery boy if she doesn't want me to vanish.)
No, but by linking our lives to other peoples' we need to recognize the need to give and take.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
First kiss what date?
Posted: 12/15/2009 5:09:51 PM
I don't look for a "prefect" moment... I look for one that feels "right." Not the same thing.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 173 (view)
 
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:11:14 PM
184- The food thing is dead on.
I've told SEVERAL people that if they fed me I wouldn't go away. They never believe me. :-p

Feed me and you've got a friend for life. I'm kind of like a puppy in that regard. I mean it.
Feeding me takes care of one of my core needs which makes me feel appreciated. I have several friendships that started because someone fed someone. But I'm a little weird... so it could just be me.

 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 160 (view)
 
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:26:10 PM
^ Indeed. My closest female friends keep reminding me that "the right one isn't just going to fall from the sky," but many people (myself, unfortunately, included) still use that approach. It's unfortunate that half the time when I'm reminded of this we're indoor climbing, and the logical part of my brain points out that it could happen under the right circumstances...
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 149 (view)
 
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:42:12 AM
Hahaha.
If a woman doesn't call me or show that they care in the beginning of a relationship I will find someone who does.

Also, asking me out almost guarantees you a date as long as I'm even remotely attracted to you.

Funny, huh?
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How to do safe cunnilingus??
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:23:41 PM
Dental dams. Or don't take strangers home...
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
feeling slutty, good?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:59:21 PM
^ This varies largely from person to person. No one in my social group would praise a man-slut.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
feeling slutty, good?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:56:59 AM
Also, just look at Halloween costumes.
Half the time "slutty" can be used as a descriptor. People enjoy breaking things they see as taboo ... at least as long as they feel that they have a comfortable setting in which to do so.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
feeling slutty, good?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:55:11 AM
A lot of people like feeling like they're bein' "bad." A lot of people get a charge about breaking what they see as the rules.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:38:43 PM
Only listen to things that are red flags for YOU... not other peoples'.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Jilted lover
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:29:21 AM
Any time you feel that you had to "fix" someone, the relationship isn't going to work. "Fixing them" usually involves trying to make them someone they aren't. This usually makes them unhappy. They come away from this, sometimes, knowing more about what they want and what they need. This allows for the speedy location of it... provided that they have the right social circles.

I don't feel like I've ever been jilted. Even my long term relationship that ended with her seeing someone new before I'd even moved out NEEDED TO END. I'm happier now than I was in the relationship.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:25:33 AM
You're over thinking it.
You don't need to MAKE anything of it. He's moved on.
I KNOW it's hard. You were with him for a lot of years, some of them very developmental... but you need to cut away from him. He's clearly started a family. It doesn't matter if it's rebound. Continuing to chase him will only end in heartbreak or a toxic relationship.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:18:52 AM
I feel like they aren't the right one if I can't communicate with them about problems.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Ex girlfriend shows up at work, eggs my house. help?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:30:58 AM
Police report. Restraining order. Etc.

Also, 14, the OP is a woman.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:29:52 AM
I would take it as a bad sign.
It's not "harmless" if he felt the need to do it without your knowledge.
If he broke your trust, you must decide whether it can be fixed
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 557 (view)
 
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:33:54 AM
^ It's not what women think. It's what short sighted, immature women think.
Anyone who uses "all" as a descriptor is either being sarcastic or has been hurt too much to have a reliable opinion.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 358 (view)
 
The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:21:03 AM
Op-
You really DO need to use a link or at least quotes when you quote something.

Copy/pasting blogs from other sites as your own works is bad.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 555 (view)
 
Stop being a NICE guy
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:10:46 AM
Your advice is flawed.
"Don't be nice," then you follow it by saying that we should do what we want.

If you were really nice you're already doing what you want. Otherwise you're just doing it to BE nice... which is fake and will never work.

Also, wow; this thread is 3 years old.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 85 (view)
 
role playing..is it a turn on or no?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:37:12 PM
Role playing is fine... provided that you are both into the same sorts of things.
I wouldn't like you described, but role play in general can be healthy/fun provided that both people are comfortable with the scenario.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
help
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:22:41 AM
Look, I know this is the last advice you want in the world, but let it go.
I'm not going to give you a moral lecture, mostly because I think that 9 or 10 other people will, and I don't believe in wasting my time.

The question I have is, "What do you hope to accomplish with all of this at the end of the day?"

1. Do you want to be the catalyst that breaks the marriage up?
a. If you plan to be around after this happens, the kids will resent you.

2. It isn't that common for the person who is cheating to actually leave the spouse. (Especially with 2 kids.)

3. Generally when they DO leave their spouse, they don't tend to end up with the person they were cheating with.

You need to ask yourself, "What do I hope to gain here, and is it feasible" ... I'm not sure you're going to like the answer. Getting involved with married people is dangerous and stupid... it doesn't matter how "bad" their relationship is.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
A friend's cheating husband
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:44:27 AM
If you're going to do anything, mail her a letter.
Telling her this face to face will only misdirect any rage she has back on you.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
HOW CAN YOU BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT CAUSING THAT PERSON PAIN?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:55:23 AM
Short term pain is better than long term being with someone that doesn't want you.

Sometimes you have to do what needs to be done.
 .marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
you cant beat a fantasy can you
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:02:05 PM
Let it go.
You're dealing with someone that is admittedly more "in love" with a stranger from a bar than she is with you.
Not only are you wasting time, the kind of mentality you're dealing with doesn't seem to be very mature.
Also, at 19 months you would hope more for "in love." Yeah... better to walk on.
 
Show ALL Forums