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jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1388 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 11/14/2009 3:17:38 PM
Those of you who feel relationships can be salvaged and should be pursued must realize one thing: For ANY relationship to work, BOTH people have to WANT it to work. If you have been dumped and the dumper doesn't want to take you back, there IS NO SECOND CHANCE. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. You are simply delaying your own healing by trying to "convince" someone to love you. The purpose of this thread is not to give false hopes or to destroy one's sense of hope. The true purpose is to get your head put back on straight so you can see your ex for the person he/she really is. To gain the proper perspective. To get you mentally healthy enough to say NO if that is what is best for you -- or to put you on the right grounds for a second chance to work. That's all and nothing more. You simply won't have a chance at a healthy relationship if you're pining and hurt over a breakup. Certainly not with your ex OR anyone else for that matter.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1379 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 10/21/2009 6:26:09 PM
Who is going to make the better partner; one who enjoys life as a couple or one who is just as happy living alone? If you can't make yourself happy alone, you will not be truly happy with someone else. Besides, the only person responsible for your wants/needs/happiness on this planet is YOU. It's not the job of anyone else, that is for sure.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1376 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 10/21/2009 3:05:36 PM
So what do you do after those 2 months? at that point your probably over him, don't really care if he contacts or not and feel happy with or without him. But you remember the good times and the problems are solveble. It wasn't really a big problem. The ultimate position to be in is one of indifference. Meaning you don't care if they come back or not. This means you HAVE healed completely and will be open to a relationship with someone new. Do you send them an e-mail, telling them you want to try again? or Do you keep being happy, full fill your life and keep doing NC untill he contacts? You keep being happy and stick to NC. Who cares whether he contacts you or not? You should be doing the things that make you smile and the RIGHT person will walk into your life. if you do the second thing then this isn't really 'second chance' thread, but 'get over your ex forever' thread. Lol And that, my dear, is really what I was trying to get at with this thread.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Number of males postint broken hearts threads Posted: 10/15/2009 12:54:33 PM
It's because traditionally women seek friends/family to help them deal with a breakup. Men, on the other hand will post (usually anonymously) on a message forum because the last thing they are going to do is look like a wuss in front of their friends. Besides, guys helping guys with relationship problems is like the blind leading the stupid. ;) Most of us men, myself included, are clueless in handling breakups NOT inititated by them.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Here I am again. Posted: 10/15/2009 12:46:36 PM
Search for my thread entitled "So you want a second chance?" It will give you tips on healing and moving on. Off topic, Betty!!! Man I need to move to the UK if all the girls are like you there. 6' and very attractive :)

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 299 (view)

why are hot guys so mean ???? Posted: 10/15/2009 12:44:18 PM
Sorry, OP. I'll try to be nicer next time.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 434 (view)

do any girls actually want nice guys?winston877.............. Posted: 9/25/2009 11:26:17 PM
no no,I know what you said, Jarbarian, it was something in the lines of women leaves nice guys women reluctantly goes to bad boys women happily stays with balance men something like that. Oh yeah, a long tiem ago. That's about exactly what I said. Women easily leave nice guys. Women reluctantly stay with bad boys. Women HAPPILY stay with GOOD, WELL-BALANCED MEN. Something like that.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 427 (view)

do any girls actually want nice guys?winston877.............. Posted: 9/24/2009 8:56:20 PM
Jabarian It was you that said something a while back about the Balanced man , what was that saying? Pretty much what I said above. Really, any guy who thinks he's a nice guy should go read "No More Mr Nice Guy" (Glover) and they will realize they aren't really nice guys, but DOOR MATS. I mean, I could go on and on about why these threads keep popping up. Most of the time it's simply that these guys don't realize what they are. When they read the book, they'll understand, fix their problem and start becoming WELL BALANCED men.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 425 (view)

do any girls actually want nice guys?winston877.............. Posted: 9/24/2009 8:25:11 PM
Many men here still don't get it. NICE ----- BALANCED ----- JERK You want to be in the middle. Not too nice, not too mean (but sometimes you need to be either, just at the right time). A balanced, GOOD man is what all men should strive to be. Too far to either side and well, you're not relationship material. Period.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 267 (view)

why are hot guys so mean ???? Posted: 9/15/2009 8:02:16 AM
If there is someone coming on to me that I am not interested in, it's a major turn off and sometimes I have to be firm with them to get the message through. Sometimes you have to be mean because the person pursuing you isn't getting the message when you are being kind to them. Some people take kindness as me being interested. If I am interested, I'll make it perfectly clear. If I am not, I'll be kind. And if they don't get the hint after several tries, then I might have to be a little mean. Doesn't make me or anyone else in a similar situation a jerk whatsoever.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1362 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 9/15/2009 7:56:45 AM
You're welcome :) Great follow up posts, by the way. Sometimes in the process of bonding with someone new, we forget who we are and that is usually when things go terribly wrong.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

Wow try being a few extra pounds an disabled, dating then is fun.... Posted: 9/5/2009 10:16:38 AM
You know, go to the mall and people-watch and see what you find. Short guys with taller wives. Fat guys with skinny wives. Skinny guys with fat wives. Handicapped people with non-handicap people (I know several couples) People with missing appendages with wives/husbands. Do you know what all these people with significant others have in common? They are happy and confident in who they are. They don't seek approval from others but from within. They don't focus on what they don't have or what makes them different. They just accept themselves for who they are and simply don't associate themselves with people who see them as "less than" anything. If you want to find success, you need to love who you are (really!) and not seek external validation. You need to learn that no matter what you do or say, some people just aren't going to like you. And that's no big deal, really. Who wants people in their lives who aren't genuine anyway? I sure dont.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

I am straight but beginning to hate heterosexual males. Does that make any sense? Posted: 9/4/2009 8:55:21 AM
OP: Best advice I ever read about "competition" is this quote from Benjamin Franklin: "A man who loves himself will have no rivals...." Think about that one for a while. Once you clearly understand what he means you will never, ever, EVER be intimidated, insecure or jealous around other men. It's the mantra for my life.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 448 (view)

Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find? Posted: 9/3/2009 7:06:57 PM
Men: Visual. Women: Emotional. Men: Attracted to what they SEE. Women: Attracted to how he makes her FEEL. Learn to be confident and comfortable in who you are and the RIGHT woman will be attracted to you. She won't be flaky or confused when she's into you. Women who act flaky and confused are "just not that into you." Cheers.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

Not looking to be just friends Posted: 8/28/2009 11:09:22 AM
If a woman I am interested in says "I just want to be friends" I simply reply "No, that's OK. I have plenty of friends already...." and walk away. You should have a basket full of prospects so that you don't care if you are rejected by one or more of them. ABC - Always be closing - LOL. In other words, always be open to new prospects but don't sit there and put all your eggs into one basket. Too many beautiful women out there to waste your time doing that.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

Losing Streak/Self-Confidence Posted: 8/27/2009 8:27:28 AM
One last thing. I agree with the poster who said "Ask a woman about herself during the date and STFU!!!" Women want to know that a man is interested in learning about WHO she is (not WHAT she is). The only way to do that is to ask her questions about herself and then let her talk. If she wants to know about you, wait for her to ask. Leave some room for there to be a little mystery about you. She doesn't want a dissertation about your entire life on the first date. She'll learn the important things about you over time. There's no need to rush. Summary: Pay attention to her. Ask her about herself. STFU and listen. If you're talking more than her, that's a bad, bad sign.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

Losing Streak/Self-Confidence Posted: 8/27/2009 8:24:43 AM
I did read it, and just couldn't relate. Almost every example in the book relates back to a guy whose father was absent, abusive, or distant, or had a mother who was overbearing, and then talks about how to get past that. That just wasn't my life, so I'm having a hard time taking much from the book. Unless I'm missing something... Nah you're missing the point. That is NOT the entire premise of the book at all. It's ONE of them. 1. The book is about how to be a strong, CONFIDENT, self-assured man. 2. The book gives several examples of what a door mat nice guy does and how to overcome those issues. 3. The book explains how being a nice guy is bad and why. 4. The book emphasizes good role models. 5. The book helps men become COMFORTABLE and HAPPY being a man. Society over the last couple decades has villanized and ostracized manliness. IT'S OK TO BE A MAN! Even if you had a good relationship with your father that does not mean that he taught you the essentials of how to BE a man. Not many fathers understand how to be men themselves so how on earth can they teach their sons to be strong, healthy, confident men. BTW, I am 5'10" and I don’t feel short at all. In fact, when I walk around I "FEEL" like I'm 6'4". I know that I am not but my confidence is brimming so to me, I don't think of myself as "inferior" to any man. I don't think I am BETTER than anyone either. It's just, I know what I have to offer as a person and I don't spend my time comparing myself to other men. As Ben Franklin once said: "A man who loves himself will have no rivals." Stew on that one for a while :)

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Eight year age gap ok? Posted: 8/26/2009 6:38:55 PM
Meh, I'm 40 and have dated as young as 22. Age is just a number. It's how mature they are mentally that matters. Don't let ANYONE tell you that an age gap is wrong. unless of course they are under-age, people!

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

Bi-curious? Posted: 8/26/2009 6:37:03 PM
So what you're saying is you want your cake and you want to eat it too?! Don't you think that's being a bit selfish. Whether you have sex with another man or a woman, besides your B/F it's still cheating and unfair. Just break up with him and go experiment. Just don't expect to get him back.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1354 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 8/25/2009 1:04:28 PM
I've been following NC strictly since my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. The problem is, he keeps trying to contact me, as a friend; texting me that he misses me, AIM "reminding" me that he's here for me when I'm ready to be friends and to talk to, and telling our mutual friends to tell me that when I'm ready to be friends, he is too. Let me translate what he is saying to you in plain English: "I want all the benefits of being in a relationship with you, WITHOUT being in a relationship with you. I want you on standby IN CASE I ever change my mind and want you back. I have needs that aren't being met in some way/shape/form and I would like to USE you to get MY needs met until I can find someone else who meets these needs." Sounds selfish? It is. He doesn't deserve your time or friendship. When people make a choice to walk away from you, let them! As long as your ex remains in the picture, he/she will be a roadblock for the RIGHT person. Remove the roadblock! I've told him I'm not interested in being friends, and it's like he doesn't believe me. So you laid down a boundary ("I don't want a friendship!") and he isn't respecting it?! The only alternative is to BLOCK his avenues of contacting you. Block him on social web sites, block him from IM, change his name in your phone to DO NOT ANSWER and tell your friends that if they talk to you about him you will end the conversation. You love your friends, they should also respect the boundaries in your life. When we were breaking up, he alluded to "maybe one day" things working out. Here's some philosophy on this: "Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option..." You do not have to accept his breadcrumbs of affection. If you love and respect yourself, you do what you have to protect your own interest. I'm not holding my breath on it, but I do really love him. I refuse to be drug around like this. Do you think he really is interested in friendship, is he missing me, does he want me in his life? It sucks, because I can't get a straight answer with NC. Thanks, Lily No, what I think he is doing is "playing the field" because he thinks he can do better. Honestly, people are truly IN love with you and love you deeply would never walk away. They would walk a mile in broken glass to make the relationship work. They do NOT give up, they do not walk away and they do not quit on you. Ask yourself this: "Don't I deserve someone who will stick it out with me?!" The answer should always be YES. Since he doesn't fit that criteria already and honestly, he would walk away again in the future because you have no assurances he would not, then why waste your time?! Why give him a second chance when there is someone out there BETTER for you who hasn't had a FIRST chance with you?! Last but not least: This guy can not bug you and he can not force himself into your life if you do NOT let him. It's the one thing you do control in this life: YOU! If you just ignore him and keep NC up, he will eventually get the message. You are not going to accept being "second place" with him so don't! Cheers.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

How to move on after a first date shotdown? Posted: 8/25/2009 7:59:53 AM
I'll give you some golden nuggets my friend. Make sure you heed them. #1: Read "No More Mr Nice Guy (Glover). Should be required reading for ALL MEN (not just door mats or those with little experience with women). #2: Never go to the movies on a first date. That's just lame. Meet for coffee or a drink. #3: Never EVER EVER put all your eggs in one basket. Go out with MANY girls on dates (JUST NO SEX!) so that you can evaluate a lot of them and see which one works for you. That way if one date cancels you won't really care because your basket is full and you have many options. #4: Get used to rejection. Get to the point it just rolls off your shoulder. A lot more women are going to reject you than accept you (unless you look like Brad Pitt or something). The sooner you realize it the less likely you are to take it personal. #5: Experience is your friend. #6: The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results each time. If you're failing at dating, try something different. Cheers.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 73 (view)

Funniest things said on a profile: Posted: 8/23/2009 6:54:51 PM
You guys are killing me. I nearly spit my wine out at the screen laughing so hard!

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1426 (view)

Cheating- can you forgive? Posted: 8/23/2009 12:25:59 PM
Forgive? Yes. Absolutely. Take them back? NEVER, EVER! Once someone destroys trust, there is no longer a solid foundation for a relationship. And the last thing I want to do is be with someone that I have to constantly wonder "when are they going to do it again?" No thank you.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 144 (view)

Is it fair to be friends with your ex? Posted: 8/20/2009 12:44:44 PM
Nope. Dumpers who want friendship with a dumpee are essentially saying: "I want all the benefits of being in a relationship with you, without being in a relationship with you...." Selfish!? I think so.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 87 (view)

Older men, younger women, and death Posted: 8/20/2009 12:42:45 PM
Disagree. Most of the younger women who contact me (and there are a lot of them) do so because they are tired of the immature players they are finding in the 20-30 year old range. Also, looking much younger than my age helps. But it's the simple fact that on an emotional level, older men provide security without the game-playing. The fact is, we're better lovers too. But that's another story.... Cheers.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 73 (view)

Wife leaving me Posted: 8/20/2009 8:24:00 AM
Did you read "Love Must Be Tough" (Dobson) yet? Lots of good advice in there for people in your position.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Worst way of being cheated on????????????????? Posted: 8/20/2009 8:21:38 AM
Back in 2005 I was dating this girl that I was totally "head over heels" in love with. Well in November of that year my mom passed away. I went home to Florida to bury my mom and when I came back, my ex had "met someone new" and of course, cheated on me. So in the course of a week I lost not only my mom but the woman I loved. It took me a few years to recover from that experience but, as they say "What does not kill you can only make you stronger." I came out light years stronger. As for her, I've no clue. Other than her stalking me online (which I put a stop to), I haven't seen or heard from her in years. Good riddance!

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

When Exs Contact You Out Of The Blue.. Posted: 8/20/2009 8:08:49 AM
The number one reasons exes contact you out of the blue is "self validation". Especially if they are dating someone new. You, as a former ex, meet some need of theirs (emotional, physical, whatnot) that their current S/O is not meeting. So to get the needs their current S/O can't meet, they reach out to you. Don't fall for it. When someone you love dumps you and says "Let's be friends" what they are really saying is "I want all the benefits of being in a relationship with you, without being in a relationship with you." This is immensely selfish. If they really cared about you as a person, they'd let you go and be free to find someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are. This is why I am such a big proponent of NO CONTACT. Once they make that decision to walk away (and honestly, someone who truly loves you would never walk away from you), they are cut off completely. Not out of spite to them, but simply one's own need for survival and healing. Cheers.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Does your ex still calls you? Posted: 8/12/2009 9:44:52 AM
Charlie, Here is some advice for you because I have experienced this a couple times. When you are dumped by someone, if they try to maintain contact with you, it's for the following reasons (all selfish ones, mind you)... 1. They want to relieve some of their guilt. If you're both friends, she doesn't have to feel bad. 2. When you respond to her contact attempts, you VALIDATE her and boost her self-esteem (at the expense of yours). 3. She wants to know that you still want her (even though she doesn't want you). 4. You provide some emotional need that her current B/F does not. She feeds off you to get all of her needs met (while yours are not). 5. She may want to keep you on the back burner if her current relationship fails, but only temporarily, until she finds someone else. Do you see the pattern here? This is a WIN/LOSE situation. In all cases, she wins, YOU LOSE. This is not healthy for you. The best thing to do with an ex like this is to maintain NO CONTACT. That means the following: 1. Delete her from all social web sites (and block her). 2. Change her number in your cell from her name to "DO NOT ANSWER" and don't take her calls. Immediately delete (do not read) her text messages. 3. Block her email. 4. Take all the stuff you have to remind you of her and box it up and put it away where you can't get to it easily. Your self-esteem is going to suffer as long as you stay in contact. And if you do stay in contact you will not heal. You need to break away from her completely. You need to focus on yourself. SPOIL yourself. Do things you haven't done in years. Make new friends, GO OUT. Get out of the house and have some fun. Eventually you'll meet someone new, but not as long as you stay continue to stay in contact with your ex. Cheers

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

WOW! DUMBFOUNDED Posted: 8/12/2009 9:31:29 AM
I think your friend should I think your friends should mind their own business and forget about their past relationships. "One can not drive a car while staring in the rear view mirror...."

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Funniest things said on a profile: Posted: 8/11/2009 7:51:38 AM
Holy crap that is funny, CC! I can't believe the things people write on their profiles!

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Funniest things said on a profile: Posted: 8/10/2009 10:41:18 PM
Bread horses? Did he use flower or corn?! ROFL!!! Also, there's nothing like a 55 year old who says she is 45 and wants no one younger than 35 because she's a "cougar" not a "molester!!!!" HAHAHA! Sorry. That's just funny!

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Funniest things said on a profile: Posted: 8/10/2009 8:22:40 AM
I meant to say "Lesbians or Bi Chicks" is what he was trying to say. As well as Business Owner. lol

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Funniest things said on a profile: Posted: 8/10/2009 8:21:52 AM
Not kidding. My friend and I were looking at the people who had looked at our profiles. She sent this one guy and I kid you not, his profile said the following: "I'm not interested in Lizbeans or bi-checks....." (lesbians or It also said that his occupation was a "Biss" owner. I'm still laughing out loud :)

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Can u fall out of love?? Posted: 8/9/2009 11:05:32 AM
Yes. Happens all the time.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

Losing Streak/Self-Confidence Posted: 8/9/2009 11:05:07 AM
One last thing. Stop looking at women as being a prize and start seeing YOURSELF as a prize....

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

Losing Streak/Self-Confidence Posted: 8/9/2009 11:04:40 AM
Any other bright ideas? Yes, stop putting all your eggs in one basket. By that I mean, have several women you are interested in and go out with (no sex, just hang out!). You should have invited several of them to the show. When you have all your eggs in one basket, it's easy to destroy your confidence. Did you read "No More Mr Nice Guy" (Glover) yet? I'm telling you, it's the best $10 you could ever spend. How much is gaining normal level of confidence worth to you? Read the book and your problems will be solved.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 66 (view)

I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel Posted: 8/8/2009 9:27:15 PM
You're not going to have much luck in any aspect of your life until you learn to build confidence. The easiest way I have found to do that is to face and conquer your fears. And if you fear meeting new people on a date, well then, you gotta start GOING on those dates. Little baby steps first. Just takes time.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1352 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 8/7/2009 4:51:20 PM
I'm not sure that a second chance is possible if infidelity is involved. How do you trust someone again who has already betrayed you once? You'd have to live your life with not only the knowledge that they slept with someone else (while still with you) but the fact they could do it again. Not sure, IMHO, it's worth it. Without trust there is no foundation for a relationship.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Why is it easier for women to move on Posted: 8/5/2009 10:17:21 AM
1. Women have a support group they talk to about relationship issues. Men do not. 2. Women tend to wean themselves off the relationship over weeks/months before finally breaking things off. Men are often oblivious to this happening. Combine those two factors and it's fairly easy to understand what's going on. Without a support group men have no clue how to handle being dumped. They often do all the wrong things (begging, pleading, clinging), refuse counseling and never pick up a book. When it comes to handling relationships, we're still stuck in the stone ages ;

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Awesome thoughts for the broken hearted! Posted: 8/5/2009 8:43:53 AM
Good post, OP. As for your last comment, for men a similar book is "No More Mr Nice Guy" (Glover). It teaches men the following: 1. How to build confidence and self-esteem. 2. How to behave like a man (and not a boy). 3. How rid yourself of door mat nice guy behaviors that turn women off. 4. How to pass those pesky "tests" that women give us :) 5. Exercises to reinforce new behaviors that destroy door mat behavior.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

almost 5 years living together now she's just gone! Posted: 8/5/2009 8:40:30 AM
OP there is a book you need to read called "No More Mr Nice Guy" (Glover). You can get it on Amazon. It's around $10.00 and worth it's weight in gold. Get the book and read it. When you do, you'll understand how you contributed to the demise of the relationship, how to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem and how to behave (like a man) in a relationship. NOT how to be a jerk and certainly how to cure yourself of the "Door mat nice guy" syndrome. You can't control her nor can you change her. You may realize, after reading the book, that she was broken beyond repair and what's happened now was going to happen one way or another. And it will probably happen to her again and again. She IS broken and you can't fix her. Forgive yourself for picking a bad apple, read the book, heal and look forward to meeting someone far, far better for you.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1350 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 8/4/2009 6:02:18 PM
You're welcome, Curiosity! Hope things work out for you.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

You forgive but can you forget? Posted: 8/4/2009 8:58:00 AM
1. Yes you can forgive. 2. No you can not forget (this is why relationships that suffer infidelity don't normally last when a second chance is offered). 3. You get over them when you realize that you can and WILL find someone better, that you DESERVE better and stick to it. When you go complete NC and focus your life on yourself (sounds selfish but necessary). Work out, hang out with friends, focus on making yourself happy so that you are a happy and confident person when the RIGHT person walks into your life. Cheers.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1345 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 8/3/2009 1:59:29 PM
Heh, that reminds me. I should probably read my copy again. I highly suggest reading it then doing a bi-yearly review to make sure you're on track. Even I need a refresher from time to time to make sure I don't fall backwards.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 1342 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 8/2/2009 9:09:31 PM
..is there a thread anywhere in here that has a running title along the lines of 'my ex dumped me for another guy' etc...could use some stories...I'm a wreck. AYP, we've all been there. I know it's a struggle, but you have to understand something. I recommended a book to you. It's not until you read the book and let the philosophical thoughts sink in that you'll understand much better. It doesn't matter why she left. She's gone and in the past. There's no greater waste of time in your life than "driving your car while staring in the rear view mirror." Yes, I know that's easy to say but as someone who's been in your shoes once (or twice) in life before, I can tell you it gets much better. Time doesn't heal all wounds. It's what you do with that time that matters how soon you'll heal. Read the book man. I'm telling you. It will be an epiphany for you...

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Question for dating women who seek info on their Exs. Posted: 8/2/2009 2:39:44 PM
I know of several men who do this to their ex's and they are known to have personality disorders....I think men do this more than women. JMO Not doubting that men do it but there was a study done in England that suggests women are much more likely to "look up their exes online" than men are. What I am saying is when men say they are done, they usually are. From my experience, women who dump a guy and start dating someone new still check up on their exes for whatever reason. I'm trying to find out if there is some psychological reason behind this. I am saying that once or twice a year is fine, but one average at least once a week for a full year or more (to me at least) means some kind of obsession. Like they are either waiting to see what the "new girl" looks like ;) You can care about an ex but being obsessed with their every move is a "bit" much IMHO.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

No Confidence... Posted: 8/1/2009 11:29:12 PM
Confidence comes from facing fears. Scared of heights? Go skydiving. Scared of spiders? Hold a tarantula. Scared of being rejected? GET REJECTED A LOT! Look, to build confidence you need to get out and talk to women. You have to face the fear of being rejected. You have to be prepared for it and not let it bother you. Not every woman you meet is going to be interested in you, but you will NEVER meet the one who is unless you talk to a lot of them. I used to be scared of being rejected. Now, I just brush it off. It doesn't bother me anymore because I don't gain my validation from other people, especially women. I have found it within myself. Cheers.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

They broke your heart, and then want you back... Posted: 7/31/2009 8:49:13 AM
now after a few weeks together there have finished and he is askin if he comes back to ireland will i take him back cause he made a mistake, so u got any tips for me Yes. Tell him no.

jarbarian2

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Question for dating women who seek info on their Exs. Posted: 7/31/2009 8:46:47 AM
Insanity, like curiosity, needs no clear rationale. Though schadenfreude, reverse schadenfreude or some form of attachment justifys there self torment pleasure zone. Agreed. Similar comment below. Classic relationship addict behavior. Read either "understanding ourselves" for those affected by anothers addiction; or "The S-Anon problem" for those affected by someone else's sexual behaviors. I wonder if it's just the vast amount of information available online is "addictive" to some people. They can sit on their PC and find information about people that, 10-15 years ago required a private investigator to find out. And while I understand when you date someone and walk away, there are always some kind of regrets and things you miss, I have a difficult time in making sense of the whole "I dumped him but want to keep up with his life" philosophy. I firmly believe that if you dump someone, the absolute best thing you can do for them, especially if they are hurting, is to leave them alone. Don't look them up, don't email them, don't call them. Remove yourself from their life so they are free to move on. Most of the guys who are going through this sort of thing are wondering "why?!" and I can't seem to find any logical basis for this behavior.

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