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OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Would like your opinion Posted: 11/22/2009 3:59:52 PM
It's like trying to BBQ meat on coals you've just squirted with lighter fluid. The flames are impressive but there's no heat. This is awesome landra.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

sticking to your own 'kind' Posted: 11/22/2009 9:17:35 AM
I live in the South. The south IS still a highly segregated place. Yet, there's hope. Look at the new youths. In the past you would see a group of white kids, then a group of black kids, now you see a group of kids, some black, some white. YOu see this also at the play ground, where not only you see mix couples, but kids with their friends. They no longer see color, they only see a person. Now, I see this things because I live in highly mix urban center, but you travel 10 miles north or south away from the more urban center and you go back 50 years.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

A Matter of Trust Posted: 11/22/2009 9:07:36 AM
OP, this is the problem I have with your story. And it's not that your ex gf was or was not a fruitcake, because base on the info she was. Or that she trusted you or not, but that you have not gotten over this thing, thus the need for this thread. So the real issue is why is this bothering you? Are you over your ex? Are you going into twisted thinking hoping to fix something? Unfortunately dude, you were stuck inside and insidious viscous circle between the mother and the daughter. That circle had it's beginning probably on the first separation she had with the father of her daughter. They have blame issues, anger issues, and resentment issues. You, just happened to be in the middle and no matter what you would have said or done, you would be shot down. So consider yourself lucky that you are out of that one.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Wouldn't it be nice Posted: 11/21/2009 2:52:43 PM
Wouldn't it that be nice. Right? Okay, Product Dude X, get back to your shelf and stop staring and Women Product in aisle 7. In the mean time, Product Dude X, the FDA is no longer going to accept the amount of sodium, the amount of trans Fats in your mix and we are going to have to ship you back to the manufacturer, re-sale you to some third world country, give you away to food kitchen, or quite simply, let you rot in aile 4 for discount merchandise until a customer with no teeth comes and gets you. In the mean time we do have the BBB complaint that you made false advertising and bait and switch promises by saying that you were sweet when if fact you were salty, and that you were "good to the last drop" and it turns out that after two beers you turn into SPAM. Back to reality. Hehehe. We're all products. And the only one real fact is that the Warranty stinks, and they have taken all the instruction manuals, and taken the out. Go figure. Hehehehe

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Internet daters: are we damaging our social skills? Posted: 11/21/2009 12:01:49 PM
I think we need to make a distinction between the type of people who use the internet as a means to then meet in person, and those that become pen palls, IMers and have very little interest in meeting in person. If you use the internet to cast that net by which you meet real people, I believe it has made people more aware of the written form and mastery of communication.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

A foolish problem for a young guy Posted: 11/21/2009 8:04:39 AM
Alright so I will consider sex on the first date, lol If the attraction and the passion is there lol I just have wanted to avoid the notion of one night stands... lol So what I guess I'm not accepting applications? lol It is sad, that with all the comments here, all that you took out of it is that now you need to put out on the first date. Don't you see what your real problem is? In the one side, you come across as a prude, thus not attracting the type of women that would have a higher sex drive, but then in the other, you come across as a needy, sexually repressed nice guy. Why don't you work more on that one. If you are around women and all they see is a needy guy wanting sex. They are going to run for the hills. So how do you then initiate sex without coming across as being needy. YOu create attraction, you escalate, and then listen to this. YOU PULL BACK. In the end you can never force a girl to have sex (if you do there's a name for that and it's not good). However, a lot of nice guys, guilt the girl into having sex and that is not good either. So what you to is you get her hot and by pulling back, she now has to take some action. It is the same principle used in sales where the sales person does not say "This is the perfect product for you." Nope. He goes "Is this what you were looking for?" When the woman starts taking some action she is clearly interested in you. So let her do something and then you escalate to the next level. Now, like others have said, this does not have to happen on the first date. Actually a way some guys set it up by telling the girl that they would prefer to wait a little longer, the women find that to be very attractive.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Conflict in the bedroom. Posted: 11/20/2009 6:34:24 AM
First of all, go slow. Real good sex is not about doing the kinkiest of things, but sharing intimacy. So, maybe what you need to do for starters is have verbal sex. Yes, verbal sex. Have her tell you what she would like to do or done to her. Then you tell her what you would like to do. Realize that it is a fantasy so after that distinguish between real with and dream. Second, watch each other masturbate. Then another time, have her do things to you. You do not move. So if she wants to ride you like a pony let her do so. Then go the other way around. You do things to her. But since she is the one with the issues. Let her have a safe word that if she says it, you back from whatever you are doing. And last, stay away from anal from the time being. That seems to be an issue with her. So go there only very slow.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Is collecting Naked pictures of Women considered disease Posted: 11/19/2009 2:42:42 PM
Yes you have a disease, so now put your pecker on the table and hit it hard with a hammer. That will teach you. And every time you think of those photos, go back to the kitchen, hit your pecker hard with a hammer and say "Thank you sir can I have another." Feel better already? Now There are people that are going to tell you that porn is bad, that naked pictures of the opposite sex is bad, men and women engaged in sexual acts is bad. Well, it is only bad if you allow it to be bad. If you become addicted to that, it's bad. If you spend all your money on that, it's bad. So is food, so is chocolate, so is alcohol, so are cigarettes, so is fast food. If you do it in excess, you have a problem. If in the other hand, you enjoy in moderation you just happen to be like about 96 percent of the male population.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

why do people feel like they need someone in their life . Posted: 11/19/2009 1:36:58 PM
Why is it that one of the most universal forms of torture happens to be "Solitary Confinement"? Ever wonder about that? We humans are social creatures. Language, learning, IQ are attached to things we do to COMMUNICATE. Most humans then need interaction with others, they feel validated by how the affect the outcome and influence a group. Take a look at a group like this. We are all in our own private bubbles but are almost addicted to the need to express and to share. Interestingly enough, those that are able to handle being completely alone, in silence, with no communication, require a tremendous mental strength such as those of monks. So embrace your need and desire to communicate and to connect.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Love and being in love Posted: 11/19/2009 1:27:39 PM
She's full of it. What she is trying to say is that she may keep you around but the moment something better comes along, she is out of there. She is setting you up for when she takes off with some guy that manages to fvck her brains out to another planet, all she has to do is tell you "I told you so." In the mean time you are what I would call chewing gum. Good to chew to pass the time, until some good food comes along. So, don't get involve emotionally, and if you are having sex with this woman, do not get attached. So in the mean time, do start looking for other women to pass your not IN love time with. And prepare yourself to move on.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Whats wrong with people Posted: 11/19/2009 1:21:26 PM
Stop all contact with this woman. No emails. No text. Nothing. She knows all the exact buttons to push, and she will push them. She was successful 4 times before. She will be successful again. So you need to stop and you stop with the first word.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Hopeless virgins Posted: 11/19/2009 1:14:56 PM
Its just that I lost a friend over the summer in part to me writing their problems off as something that "they" need to be handling. You can't save the world. Even it you try it.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Hopeless virgins Posted: 11/19/2009 1:13:06 PM
Get them drunk as sh it, and while intoxicated make them fill a form to join the marines. Better yet, if you could get a form for the Foreign Legion. (This is an idea of course, since because of their weight they will not be accepted) When they wake up, ship off to boot camp.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

So this is your first time going out with her... Posted: 11/19/2009 8:59:13 AM
What would you do? (Assuming you've already agreed to see her, and it's scheduled for tomorrow) Is she coming with her boyfriend or just her? Since you use the "Them" on some of these questions. What would I do? Sit outside. That means go to a place with tables outside, in the afternoon. I am not into doing coffee, but a beer and a snack would be great. -What would you eat? Casual, casual, casual, call it bar food. Wings, burgers, non-pretensions stuff. -Would you pay for her dinner? Nope. Go dutch. Or not go at all. -What would you talk about? The past, the present. What does she see about the future. But do not talk or nag about the boyfriend. If you do that, you will become the weeping rag. -What would you wear? Gym clothes. Or since I am a cyclist, some casual bermudas and a sweaty T-shirt -How would you greet them? Again here, her and her bf or just her? Be casual. And aloof. -How would you say goodbye to them? Same thing. Do not sound like you want her back, but like it's good to see her. If you want her eventually back, do not burn the bridge, but do not cross it. Leave it open. There are a lot of things that she has to finalize, before making any moves. So stay away from those decision since it is something she would need to do on her own. -Overall, what are your thoughts? Getting back with exes is always very tricky and a lot of times it does not work. With that said, I've met several couples that dated in high school, split went to college and then after other relationships got together again, and ended up getting married. So there's nothing wrong with seeing where this may go. But do not sound desperate, or be the one pushing.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Regretfully didn't give him my number!!!! Now what?? Posted: 11/19/2009 7:59:08 AM
Show up to his door. If he is there say hello. If he is not there, leave some card with your number. Go from there.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

Is being yourself really good advice? Posted: 11/19/2009 6:56:04 AM
Perhaps a great quote regarding football. But what the fvck does it have to do with finding a relationship??? Everything. The whole idea is that you should try and keep trying, instead of worrying about being rejected. When you forget about the outcome, winning, and simply try, then you will meet people. Some you are going to hit it off, some you will not. The same thing applies to "scoring" if you take the girl to your place with the preconceive notion of scoring, things may not turn the way you want. Or even worse, they do, you score, but you came across as such a pushy SOB that she now doesn't want anything else to do with you. In the other hand, if you are at your place, and let things flow more naturally, and then you sleep together. Both are participating. And that is how relationships grow.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Was there ONE thing that made you want to meet? Posted: 11/19/2009 6:48:35 AM
With us guys.... 99% of us.... cus she looked hot. Damn Stray cat, am I that predictable? I do have one caveat though. If the girl has one of those ridiculous profiles and then answers you in incomplete sentences, I know the actual date is going to be soo boring, that I would rather sabotage the whole thing by asking strange questions. If she passes, the we would be on, if she doesn't. She is history. In retrospect, I look at the dialogue that I had with the woman that became my gf and it was awesome. It flowed into very quickly setting up a date.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 74 (view)

Is being yourself really good advice? Posted: 11/19/2009 6:30:50 AM
"Winning is not everything, Trying to win is." Uumm , thats the liberal version. Actually , what he said was : winning isn't everything ....... It's the ONLY thing Hahahaha. Now that's funny. I like my misquote better. He.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

what is the reason for ... Posted: 11/18/2009 5:02:51 PM
Have you met in person yet? Have you kissed? Have you in the real world had him touch your breast or felt your wet vagina? If the answer is yes. Then whatever he is telling you ADDs to your intimacy. If the answer to the above questions is no. Even one single NO. Then all he is doing is trying to escalate to sex, but doing a lousy job at it. Look, I am a guy. And like most guys, I like and want sex. But experience tells me that when guys escalate to this level before you meet, turn that first meeting in a quest for sex, not getting to know you. So you decide.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

What do I do? Posted: 11/18/2009 2:46:05 PM
change message.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

Is being yourself really good advice? Posted: 11/18/2009 1:39:02 PM
Now that I think about it, being the "best" you can be seems impossible, because there is always room for improvements, no matter what. Making people chase this imaginary concept of being their best, that's actually some pretty solid advice. I think Vince Lombardi said this "Winning is not everything, Trying to win is."

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Fingers and Tounges Posted: 11/18/2009 12:39:18 PM
I can't recall ever meeting someone that did not like one or the other, or really both.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

French Kissing, advice please? Posted: 11/18/2009 12:33:01 PM
Bite it hard. Then watch it turn green

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

Is being yourself really good advice? Posted: 11/18/2009 11:15:21 AM
This is the worst advice you can ever give. Why? Because unless that self is getting the results that you WANT in life, in relationships, in dating all it's achieving is NOTHING. What you need to do is be YOUR BEST SELF. But to be something, to achieve something, you first have to dream about it, study, practice it, visualize it, internalize it. Is a sales person being himself when he first starts selling. No, he's following a script, he is scared sh it less. Eventually he will get it. Is an attorney being hemself when she first defends a person in front of a jury. No, she's reading something she wrote the night before and was drilled by her peers at the law firm. No. Be yourself? Bollony. BE YOUR BEST SELF. Is the musician being himself the first time he performs in front of an audience. NO. He rehearsed, and rehearsed and rehearsed, until the music became his own. Same applies to the athlete, the artist, the poet, the climber, the speaker. All of us have some natural talent but unless you improve it. Being yourself will be the excuse by which you accept that you can't get women, or dates, or a promotion, or whatever.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Permanently stuck in a rut Posted: 11/18/2009 11:01:46 AM
I don't give out compliments freely exceept to occasionally say things like "You look great!" I've never given a woman who isn't a close friend any gifts. I don't do effusive praise, ever, unless it's truly warranted you have no edge. You appear about as safe as a plastic spatula and have no means whatsoever to take a woman and knock her the f#*! out. Figuratively speaking. Okay first let me comment on your first statement. And right there I can tell you the so many things that you are doing wrong. First, one of the things that dating gurus tell you is do not complement PHYSICALLY a woman. Why? Because if she is attractive, she already knows that and it comes across as "Hi, you are beautiful, do you want to have sex." The sex part men don't say it, but it's what plays on a woman's head ALL THE TIME. And they are right, men want to have sex with women, and if they say they don't they are lying. So not only do you give a physical complement, but chose to use the most lame version of it. "You look great" is like saying you look "Nice." It's like saying I am "nice" in bed. How horrible. So the way you praise, the way you express interest in them is extremely lame. So we go to the second quote. Most women that you date eventually find you to have no edge and find you lame. So it is time to do a paradigm shift. Unfortunately those are not things that Dating gurus can help you with. What you need to inject into your life is a way to approach it. First of all, find your passions. Go and do something different, edgy, scary. Second. When you complement a woman, complement her mind not her body, even when complementing something physical. For instance say "How, that is the weirdest purse I've ever seen, it's like it's alive, or a walking piece of art, where did you get it?" That not only shows a more realistic interest in HER CHOICES, but instead of thinking, what'ta hell does this guy wants, she goes into, I got it at this place in blah, blah, blah. Then the next thing you need to do, is not find what the woman is all about and conform to her, but introduce the woman to YOUR world and have her conform to YOUR world. Now, some people may say, what a sexist thing to say. Not really. In relationships were I sucked, the number one complaint was that I did not introduced them to my world, no matter how odd it was. So get her out of her world into the edge that is your world. Then go from there.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Is it worthwhile to date here? Posted: 11/18/2009 10:41:49 AM
No. Date over there. By the corner, with a hat on your head, while tap dancing to the tune "hello my baby, hello my darling, hello my dancing dollllllll!!!"

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Would you message someone if you knew they weren't going to respond? Posted: 11/18/2009 10:38:52 AM
I seen it with my own eyes... 150 mails accumulated in less than 2 days... and got another 7-8 mails when she logged on to show them to me.... This is very true. In some post in the past I even said that she got 300 messages. I had to clarify that was when the given girl first sign up to A site. But I have seen this first hand. What is most amazing is that my gf, who wanted to read some of my post here (and knows I have a profile in this site), signed up. She perfectly indicated that she was not interested in dating, yet within hours to one day, she had over 30 messages.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

I am breaking up with BF Today! Had ENOUGH Posted: 11/18/2009 10:34:44 AM
I once ditched this girl because I did all the talking. She had a great body, a beautiful smile, a pleasing, pleasant disposition, but she could not talk. I felt like I was being vacuumed and drained. So I ditched her.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw Posted: 11/18/2009 10:26:55 AM
Here's what happens. Guy meets girl. She withholds sex to when she feels they are friends and life compatible. Guy plays by girls rules and spends 6 months frustrated and with blue balls. Then one day she goes out with her girlfriends, got drunk and sleeps with some Joe-Shmoe. He feels frustrated. Same guy meets another girl, she puts out on the same night. But when they try to get the other part of the relationship going, he feels not right. Why, because she put out on the first date. Just like his ex went out and put out with some stranger. So he splits with the girl. Now this guy is very confused in his head. He goes out with another girl. They mess around but wait until date 2 or 3 and have sex. He was so nervous that he was horrible in bed. But the girl says that is okay, they work together and they develop the sex and the friend part at the same time. I think guys have gone through versions of the above one way or the other. So the moment a woman wants to play the wait thing, we start looking elsewhere. And it becomes a catch 22 because he will not commit to someone that he has not been intimate with and the woman adores him, she want a commitment before she opens up emotionally. So I am with the OP on this one.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

whats the most orgasms you've had in one day? Posted: 11/18/2009 8:19:22 AM
I would have to say 5. I do not have orgasms easily so what that means was having sex the night before, but past twelve. Two orgasms. Then going to sleep. Then waking up and have morning nookie, but no orgasm. Then later on that afternoon, a quickie. One orgasm. Then that night before going out and then after going out. Hmmm. Five may be pushing it and it may have been 4.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Female Tool of the Trade Posted: 11/18/2009 8:15:35 AM
Yes, it's called a credit card. After that it's shoes, more shoes, toaster ovens, microwave ovens, bathroom fixtures, lingerie, kitchen utensils, silverware... Wait. Back, back, back. Did I say lingerie. Honey, here's the credit card.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Hitting On Someone Elses BF/GF Posted: 11/18/2009 7:27:02 AM
I personally would not hit on the gf of my friends. Now, if you are are talking in a bar, and she has a boyfriend, I do not see anything wrong with conversing with her, even making friends. However, even in that scenario is not a good idea to hit on the girl. Why? Look at the best case scenario and that is that she wants to go home with you. Why is she doing that? For only one reason. To get back at her boyfriend for something that he did. Or she sleeps around a lot and has no respect for him either. So what she is about to do to him, she will do to you in the future. So talk to anybody, even if they have boyfriends, but respect their boundaries. That means that while you're talking to them, you acknowledge them as a couple and are respectful of that.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Would you message someone if you knew they weren't going to respond? Posted: 11/18/2009 7:21:11 AM
So let me get this straight, you see some profile and you think that she would never message you because of what? You are not worthy of her? She is better looking than the type that may or may not pay attention to you? She probably has 30 guys messaging her? So what. Limitations start on the mind, what you are doing is setting yourself for failure. First of all, since you are not worthy of her, instead of sending a normal message, you will tend to validate yourself to her. Women do not find that attractive. So cut it out. Approach every woman you find attractive, regardless. And then be original. Nock her off the pedestal. What that means is don't treat her like "oh you are so beautiful you have guys eating out of your hand." Don't do that. Treat her as if she is as plane as anyone else and complement only on mental choices.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

just to gather opinions,would you date a guy who said this? Posted: 11/18/2009 7:11:32 AM
Face it. The guy is being honest. This is what some women do not get about men that are players. They think they need to lie and tell you that you are the only one. Nope. They tell you up front and then the rest is up to you. It is your choice to date him, sleep with him. Just do not get your hopes high that you are going to be the one that changes him into a monogamous guy. That may be the case at some point in his life, but it is not now. So, have some fun, but realize what you are getting into.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Is the number of acceptable places to approach women offline shrinking? Posted: 11/17/2009 11:09:12 AM
I am telling you, you're right. The last time I went to a funeral none of the ladies wanted to give me their phone number. How pathetic. All they did was cry and cry. Good thing I am off the market right now.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 71 (view)

I need opinion on what is important in relationships? Posted: 11/17/2009 10:57:20 AM
What is important? The basics. Never run out of toilet paper or soap. Never compromise with an off brand Dishwashing liquid, washing detergent or razor blades. Kept the toilet seat down, but never share the same razing blade.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

A question for you all... Posted: 11/17/2009 8:46:03 AM
There's a complete misunderstanding of what an Alpha male is or should be. And alpha male does not necessarily equates with a bully. There are a lot of bullies that hide their insecurities and "beta" qualities behind their aggressive overpowering behavior. The true alpha has people follow him not because he orders it, but because people want to. He makes a decision, but he was kind enough to learn what his woman likes. He can be a beast in the bedroom. But what good is a beast in the bedroom when it takes her a whole week to recuperate from the hard bang she got. No, sometimes you need balance.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

I can't take this anymore! Posted: 11/17/2009 7:02:01 AM
My first impression is that you have played victim for so long that you have no idea how to take control of your life. It is time you did that. Now a divorce is an AGREEMENT between to parties. Until you AGREE to something, he does not have to sign a thing. You will have to take it all the way to court. What I am surprised is that you gave 8 grant to an attorney to draw you papers, but didn't seem to discuss the different scenarios, what needs to be negotiated, discussed, agreed or disagreed. But you see, all you are doing right now is panicking. For starters, if the house is in your name, you don't need his signature for ANYTHING. You could have taken whatever offer you wanted and you could have simply said FVCK OFF. Second. If he does not want to sign anything, go through child services. They are very protective of the rights of children and if you file the right forms you could have the power of the state land on his a ss, to pay for the children. And if he choses not to pay, you do not need to wait for anything to be sign. The law is the law and I don't know about Canada, but in some states in the US, you may end up in jail. So, you need to demand more for your 8 grant. Second, realize that YOU hold the cards. Third, realize that the law is in the side of the children, the children are with use. Use it. ENFORCE IT. Also, remember one thing. Every single thing you do not agree on paper, will require an attorney, it will require to go to court. And that cost money. A lot of money. Also, why are you two divorcing? Was it because of physical and mental abuse? Did he cheat on you? If you go to court, you want to be as blunt as possible and then attached to part of the settlement for him to pay for court and attorney fees.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

No-one likes him except me Posted: 11/17/2009 6:43:56 AM
Follow my heart or follow the people that care about me? Simply put, the way you ask the question is a set up for your own disaster. A choice between your own feeling and doing what everyone else tells you. So naturally, you would incline to follow your own feelings and tell everyone else to fvck off. But then why did you post? I tell you why? Because you do not want to admit that the guy IS a deadbeat, and that perhaps all these other people are right. But you know it, you just do not want to admit it. Now, since you seem like a nice (yet gullible) girl don't simply kick the guy to the curb, but it's time for deadlines. Tell him, get a job by this day or else. Tell him to have a game plan. What can he do for living. How many resumes is he going to send a week. What places can he apply for a job. Are there temporary things that he can do. If his mind is not on that mode, you got yourself a deadbeat. If he is realistically trying and is not giving up (some people will whine and say that they are trying but after the first rejection they give up), that is one thing, but if all he is doing is either complaining or just happy-go-lucky about his situation you then have a deadbeat that will suck you dry.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Hooked on having a FWB? Posted: 11/16/2009 8:41:23 PM
In order to keep a FWB for any given time it requires a since of detachment that cannot be maintained for an extended period of time. At some point, one or the other will develop feelings for the other. At that point, the colder person or like people in the forums sometimes prefer to call that person, more secure, takes off. So eventually these type of relationships collapse. Interestingly enough several of my friends have been players. They were very good at it, had a solid game with a constant influx of females. At times a FB, FWB or even sleeping with several women, all knowing of the existence of the other. All these guys right now, are in monogamous relationships right now. One of my buddies used to run a Strip Joint in NY. And you should see him now cutting the grass, talk about going to the in-laws, complaining about some little thing about his wife, yet also expressing a love for that woman that is wonderful. Eventually we all yearn something that feel lasting. For starters, the sex with a person you love and have been with can be so much awesome when you understand where you've been, what you like and don't like, but also what you are bored with and want to experiment with. Also even though relationships fall into routines that tend to be mundane and seemingly boring, when you do not have them around, suddenly you realize that life is not about the big party, but about those little things, those little moments together. You miss her making you expresso and steaming the milk just the way you like it. You miss the way she folds your underwear. And she tells you that she misses your stupid jokes, or your cooking, or those lazy afternoons in bed with the rays of light filtering through the window. A FWB cannot provide that. And when she/he does, she begins to move into that camp of emotional attachment.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

What makes a player ? Posted: 11/16/2009 2:51:10 PM
Wow. This thread is all the way back from 2005. Some Mod should have the decency of retiring this sucker.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 294 (view)

The Game and its effectiveness Posted: 11/16/2009 2:13:30 PM
I think the point of my post WAS that I can't take rejection so I try to make sure that won't happen because I lose it when confronted with arrogant people who think they're better than me. I've never really had to deal with it because I usually get approached and never do the approaching. CW, you happen to have a situation that is the exception, not the norm. For starters, you are a very attractive guy (sorry not my type). What that means is that women spot you instead of you spotting women. Back when I was in the dating world, one of the guys that went out with us was incredibly good looking, yet he was the worst with women. Why because he never had to work at it. The interesting thing was that I would attract the women to our group, they all then wanted to talk to him, or be introduced to him. Then he would stick his foot on his mouth and the girls didn't want anything else do do with him. It took a while to train him right. But the thing is CW, the rest of us guys are not necessarily great looking. I consider myself just about average. Yet when I was dating, because I was not afraid to go for the best looking woman in whatever place I was, some times I got her. And yes, many times I got rejected. But because rejection did not bothered me, I didn't see it as an "oh my god, who does she think she is." But rather, a "no troubles, there are a hundred other women that are more interesting, more charming, and with much better communication skills that will also try to keep me entertained." Interestingly enough, sometimes you approach a woman, she gives you that "who do you think you are look." As she dishes you, you dish her in a funny way, talk to someone else, have fun with them, to then see the one that dish you before, come around and be the one that starts talking.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

When is the time right? Posted: 11/16/2009 1:33:49 PM
Look, just playing by ear. Have you met the guy yet? Se how it goes, chemistry wise. Also notice, if he is too pushy for sex, then you know what he is going after. In the other hand if things evolve kind of natural, then let it be. The only thing I would not do if I was you is have sex on the first date. And I am not saying this is bad, since some couples that were together for a long time, had sex on that first date. But most of the time the guy then thinks that is what she will do on other first dates so that date gets reduced to a one night stand. Anytime after that is fair game.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 105 (view)

BF will not tell me his birthdate or where he works - is this wierd to you guys? Posted: 11/16/2009 1:29:44 PM
He's probably a hit man, and by not telling you where he works, he is indeed trying to protect you.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

having a tough time. (could use alot of help.) Posted: 11/16/2009 1:27:03 PM
I dont have a problem talking to him. And we do discuss the situation. Yes you have a problem talking to him. It's what ensues afterwards. You need to make a clear break, you need to stop trying to be friends. This is what happens when you PRETEND to be friends. You feel you pain calms down a little bit, but when you are separated the pain begins again and it feels worse because you had a little taste. What you need to do in END the relationship and allow your mind to go through the grieving process. That part is painful but necessary. Do not depend on him to make this decision. All you are doing by pretending to be friends is hurting each other even more.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/16/2009 8:10:58 AM
Then have the talk. Ask him. Are you seeing anybody else. If he says no. You tell him that you are not seeing anybody else either. Then say, you want to try to be exclusive. We don't have to change a thing, we still have a very sexual relationship, and talk and be friends, and who knows where it will go. What do you think? Ask.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Do you feel you Do More in a relationship - Or does your SO do more for you? Posted: 11/16/2009 8:07:57 AM
Everything is relative in a relationship. For instance, right now I feel my gf gives 110% of her for the relationship, that with also dealing with the fear and anguish of having breast cancer, then the Chemo and nasty side effects. So I try to be supportive and give of myself. I try to give 100%, but sometimes come a little short, sometimes it's about perfect. To go from ME to WE is not easy. And it has to be a deliberate effort.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

What are guys thinking? Posted: 11/16/2009 7:27:42 AM
OP, there's nothing wrong with what you were wearing. And even if it was more promiscuous, it doesn't matter. It does not justify the behavior.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 286 (view)

The Game and its effectiveness Posted: 11/16/2009 7:23:47 AM
OutMind: Wow. That was a big noise signifying nothing. My point is that I don't go chasing people that will treat me like crap or aren't interested. I think you are still not getting it, or we are arguing different sides of the same equation. If I see a woman that is not interested in me, I am not going to pursue or waste my time with that woman. But here is the point that I was trying to make, and this may not apply to you, because perhaps you do not have problems approaching women, but more than half of the guys out there do have a problem. When they see a woman that they find attractive, they "fear" approaching her because they do not want the pain of the rejection. Thus they do nothing. If they understood that rejection is part of the process, they see the girl, say hello like is no big deal, exchange glances, vibes and get an idea of where they may be. And then pursue or don't pursue. But this is a problem with a lot of guys, not just dating, but then when they meet some girl, they fear escalation because they may get rejected. Women sense this and place the guy in the "friend" category, the the guy lost his window of opportunity. So, CW to you this may be a big noise signifying nothing, but to some chum learning to overcome that fear, it is something.

OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Would you have sex with a machine? Posted: 11/14/2009 5:57:14 PM
Call me a sick person, but to me sex is to possess a woman's mind not get my rocks off. So I could not do machines. Could a machine scream out of her mind when coming? Or squirt like crazy? Or go so hard that she sweats all over you. Or begins to shiver and claws you from having such orgasm. Can a machine do that? Can a machine mean it? Can a machine initiate sex?

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