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 Author Thread: How to start a conversation
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How to start a conversation
Posted: 7/1/2012 3:18:53 AM
Sorry but this is exactly what I bet is the problem. Your just a very average looking guy messaging women you think are attractive and they dont view you in the same way. You guys WAY over think this stuff. Pics/profile are what get replies here.

Cowboy


This from the bloke with the frostbitten face, and the comically camp poses.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Financial balance in a relationship?
Posted: 7/1/2012 12:42:42 AM
IMO the way this comes across is you are just trying to do the bare minimum to give the illusion of a relationship while you can still fulfill your own immediate gratification as much as possible. You aren't "really" in a relationship, you've just collected one. Now you are trying to plan the future of it to make sure it doesn't change your life in any way except what is necessary to maintain the illusion.
Do you see your potential mate/spouse/roommate as your mommy?


IMO smartemudumbernmost is a condescending old biddy.

I strongly suspect he's a big wheel at the local Finger-Wagging Schoolmarm Institute.

That's just IMO, you understand.

Germane to the topic, establish a joint matress-stuffing account.

You can gauge the health of your finances by how comfortably you sleep at night...literally.

Kind regards,

Joshua
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Why
Posted: 6/25/2012 7:25:43 AM
It doesn't make you a non-keeper.

Now, get down, and suck it, then piss off.

Kindest regards,

Joshua.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
trouble understanding this guy
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:54:00 PM

should I just stop while I’m ahead and cut my losses now?


Nicely sums up your clear-headed appreciation of the situation.

Marry him. Now.

Kind regards,

Joshua
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Getting over
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:20:28 AM
You're deeply religious.

These forums may not provide much succor when your relationship with God sours.

Kind regards,

Joshua.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
great first dates...no second dates
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:16:14 AM
If, at around 50 years of age, you find yourself in complete bewilderment as to why men initially display
intense, overt signs of attraction to you, then subsequently squirm out of your life altogether,
then you're screwed.

And not a moment too soon, which is at least uncharacteristic of you.

Kind Regards,

Joshua.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:00:22 AM
It most certainly is.

You're a white-box quoter's dream, and so I'll simply avail myself of the facile self-insight of


Maybe because I'm too optomistic that things will work out, maybe its because I hate confrontation, maybe I'm just oblivious.


You're weak, you're needy, and you'll never be remotely able to fully comprehend why your relationships fail
until you emotionally mature.

But you knew that. On some level.

Kind regards,

Joshua
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 7:04:17 PM
Why are u on this site looking for women to date??


Why r u assuming I am?

lolz, etc.

It's useful to me for the forums.

And, let's not be coy, why delete an acount, and subsequently, have a conduit for
meeting people closed to me, when relationships are largely
unguaranteed, especially early on.

I'm nothing if not an arch-realist in this regard.

Just because my account is active doesn't meen I'm making,
or accepting overtures to or from anyone at any given point.

It's not necessarily a vote of no-confidence in a current relationship;
merely a practical consideration of the odds.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 3:43:34 PM

I've know a couple who were separated for three years - and then reconciled. You never know what will happen in that circumstance.


Clearly, you know exactly what will happen in that circumstance; they will reconcile.

Sometimes, I'm petty.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 7:38:06 AM

Insist? That sounds like an ultimatum. Most people don't sit well with ultimatums.


I agree; I was referring to an ultimatum there.

If I could post my initial message again, it would read something like
'Disclosure to her husband'.

She has been the one telling me that she's wondered when it would be time to introduce me to her kids, and that she was thinking about that event happening soon; as others have mentioned here, three months in is too early, and I agree.

My thinking behind insisting on telling her husband about us was primarily the obligation that I would feel to the co-parent of children that I was in contact with his children or would likely to be so in the future.

That would be a partial answer to Abelian's question as to why I'd possibly want to meet him.

People usually DON'T sit well with ultimatums; I guess I'm not sitting well with the incongruity of her actively
seeking me out via another dating site, articulating her position to date an a very public forum, and then being ostensibly furtive by not telling him; yet dating me in public places in a small town.

In that sense, my claiming to being 'utterly relaxed' about this was a patent lie, as suggested by another poster.

NOW...

even as I read all of that back, it's a mess. She's confused, conflicted, and, really, shouldering more of a personal risk than me. We're both equal in the potential emotional fall-out of what would seem to be the archetypal rebound relationship, and the fact that I phrased it like that gives me the answer to the implied question in Abelian's


The bottom line is that if she isn't willing to act like she's divorced and relegate her husband to the status, ``I want nothing to do with him except what's required for the kids,'' you should not think of whatever you're doing with her as dating. At best, you're having sex with a married woman and if you aren't having sex, whatever else you think is going on is a delusion. Unless all you want is sex, you're wasting your time until her husband becomes an ex husband and she loses interest in talking to him.


I know what I have to do.

I just really didn't want to have to buy into jmark4's grim and ossified

SOUND OFF LIKE YOU GOT A PAIR!

YES, DRILL SARGEANT!

approach to interpersonal relations.

Thanks for your message; it helped.

Josh.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 6:39:11 AM

Because a person's attitude about an ex or soon to be ex doesn't change just because the papers have or haven't been signed. I've dated on woman in my life who was separated - my fiancee - and she was a lot more single than a lot of women who have already signed the papers. She had been awa yfrom her husband for more than 2 years and shortly after we started dating, she got the paperwork taken care of with nothing but a few emails a phone call or two and a fedexed document. A better question would be, ``why do people date those who still have their exes in their lives, divorced or not?'' The judges signature is a legal matter, not a new perspective on one's ex.
highlighted part-myself included...
the reason why u r sooooo into her- is cuz she IS SEPERATED...if she gets divorced ASAP, you'd back off...


Easily the worst observation on this thread.

Almost makes me pine for the understated, balanced stylings of jmark4.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 6:15:42 AM
I NEVER EVER date or even really talk much to anyone that is separated.


Very good. I trust you DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS either; it's a dangerous world out there.



you sound kind of the submissive type.


Not too sure where you got that from.

Of course, because you're a 'total leader' who can 'out-athlete anyone at any age' , you might think that
anyone who doesn't have Henry Rollins as a facile template for living is a husk of a man.

Stick to Bible Exegesis, perhaps?

I promised myself that I wouldn't go ad hominem in my first few posts...
but your profile (and your post) practically begged to be mocked.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 5:36:42 AM

Logically if he does her a favor then she might do certain favors for him, when he's not getting some from his own pocket vagina. Pleasant thought right? (unless you're into the taste of another man on a woman's lips at random times) As a few posters have stated rebounds are just practice for the people getting out of relationships.



Yes, yes...as I've already acknowledged in post 31, largely in response to
Albelian's slightly more measured response, that I'm more than likely
the Mother of all Rebounds.

That post made me reflect on what I really expect out of this,
and whether its implied evanescence might not be the worst thing in the world.


Gotcha.

I suppose I've got all that I needed from this thread.
It wasn't the smartest question, and I knew the answer to it,
but it really did help to have my woolly thinking clarified by some of the more trenchant
posters here.

I WILL keep this thread alive, just in case I get castigated once more by Landra;
perched imperiously above the eyeline of the camera, arms akimbo, with the wind machine
set to 'Violently Tousle', only to reveal ....
...eyes of utter contempt.

That was a thrill.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
what stirs your soul, moves you deeply, inspires you?
Posted: 4/28/2012 3:41:46 AM
North Korean parades.

If just one of those soldiers stumbles, or one of those tanks breaks down,
or one of those card-flipping children don't produce the visage of Kim Il Sung,
Kim Jong Il, or any other assortment of party apparachiks...

...and yet all the clips I've seen are perfection.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMLtkp4AFkc

Counterintuitively, there is transcendence in a jackboot on a human face forever.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 7:25:46 PM

Now you have to have known she was married.... and now you want to tell the world? Geez, what happened to discretion??? Your announcements are bad for her...and you're probably just her rebound guy anyway, to be ditched when worn out


You're quite excitable, fishy;
you almost seem more emotionally invested in this woman than me.

Confected machismo and misplaced valour aside, it's at this point
that I gently remind your febrile bellowing that she initiated contact with e via another
dating site, replete with such personal information.

She even said that she only became a paid-up member of said site
just so she could post me a message.

Yes, yes...as I've already acknowledged in post 31, largely in response to
Albelian's slightly more measured response, that I'm more than likely
the Mother of all Rebounds.

That post made me reflect on what I really expect out of this,
and whether its implied evanescence might not be the worst thing in the world.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 6:04:33 PM

Maybe the guy is a psycho and she'd rather not have him know about you.


Now, there's a cheerful thought to focus the mind.

Thanks everyone for poring over this hoary topic.


The bottom line is that if she isn't willing to act like she's divorced and relegate her husband to the status, ``I want nothing to do with him except what's required for the kids,'' you should not think of whatever you're doing with her as dating. At best, you're having sex with a married woman and if you aren't having sex, whatever else you think is going on is a delusion. Unless all you want is sex, you're wasting your time until her husband becomes an ex husband and she loses interest in talking to him.


Sounds about right.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 1:18:20 PM
starofgaia - Honest to Gawd - why do you people date married people?

Sometimes, things can only be explained by The Simpsons.

Bart's chief tormentors, the elder bullies Jimbo and Kearney,
are talking about Jimbo's 'mom's' current boyfriend, 'Gunner'.

Jimbo: Sometimes, he gets us beer.

Bart: I thought Kearney was dating your mom?

Kearney: Hey; SHE came on to ME.

I was trying to match the flippant tone of your comment, but it was bloody tough.

Gawd!
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 11:35:16 AM
Wise counsel, Landra!

Thanks for distilling others' salient points into an impossibly dry precis.

I needed that.

Josh.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 7:24:45 AM
Thanks for your frank advice, Sparkle;

those sentiments have crossed my mind.

I'm nothing if not the arch-realist!

Josh
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 7:15:08 AM
Know your poster!

I'm from Australia.

Cheers for the response.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 7:04:41 AM
I've been seeing a wonderful lady for the past three months.

Her situation is that she's been separated from her husband since last September;
she contacted me vai another dating site, and things have been progressing naturally,
gradually, and wonderfully.

Her life is complicated; she's studying for her Master's degree in Teaching, her mother
is in the throes of cancer treatment, and she has two young children under the age of
eight, of which she has custody of six days out of seven.

I was having lunch with her yesterday when her husband rang - as it turns out,
it concerned him proof-reading one of her assignments for her degree.

He's been told that she is now 'dating people', but not exclusively, and, in particular, not me.

For more obvious reasons, her mother hasn't been told about me,but nor have her other closer relatives,
nor her separated husband.

I've introduced her to my family and friends, and so it's a slightly weird situation whereby this asymmetrical
inclusiveness puts a strange tilt on our relationship.

My question is: given that she's clearly compromised about our connection, should I continue to reassure her
about the status quo, or insist upon a disclosure on her part towards her family and friends, but, specifically,
her husband?

I'm utterly relaxed about our current situation, but I can plainly see that it's causing her major discomfort;
might a firm word from me encourage a sort of cathartic resolution?
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 36 (view)
 
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/26/2012 12:59:48 AM
Counterintuitively, you need to kick YOURSELF to the curb, will the surviving remnants of your indentity
into being gay, then surreptitously inhabit your ex's body so you can bask in the love he's giving her.

Then, scurry back into your mortal coil on said curb, become straight once more, and recall verbatim what HE did, and subsequently the type of man HE is.

Only THEN can you possibly hope to understand how to treat a woman like her in the future.

Best regards,

Joshua
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Honest profile review please :)
Posted: 12/31/2011 6:44:33 AM
Tsk tsk....coming to a fortnight, and still no significant alterations?

Frankly, I'm disappointed in you, Roni.

Yours Judgmentally,

Joshua.
 j.josh
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Honest profile review please :)
Posted: 12/22/2011 1:14:44 AM
Dear Berg,

your profile info reads like you breathlessly blurted out everything you thought of when faced with the prospect of having to write about yourself.

While this lends a charming urgency and immediacy, it's also quite alot to take in a first glance. You might consider grouping some of that excess into three or four loosely aligned categories, and editing that into some sort of concise narrative which flows more smoothly.

Finally, railing against unrealistic standards, and urging those men seeking 'perfection' to seek companionship elsewhere is a tad defensive, and sets a hectoring, belligerent tone against what is otherwise a disarmingly good-natured profile.

So, in summary: economy of expression. Less info broken up into more sentences and paragraphs, and keep the tone uniformly upbeat, as befits your true personality.

Regards,

Joshua.

Addendum: Yes, 'disarmingly' and 'uniformly' were both adverbs that drew attention to your military background. Winceworthy attempts at humour, as befits my profile.
 
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