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Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Women horny during ovulation? Posted: 6/2/2009 11:57:40 AM
Estrogen “peaks” for a woman when she is ovulating (mid-cycle). With estrogen at it’s highest level a woman usually feels her skin is the softest...her hair is the shiniest and “her glow” the most alluring. High levels of “estrogen” create a “proceptive” (read: seductive) attitude in an ovulating female’s brain. Typically a woman can exhibit four different attitudes towards sex based on the NUMEROUS (over 10) levels of hormones circulating in her body. These sexual attitudes are: 1) active (aggressive), 2) receptive (passive), 3) proceptive (seductive) and 4) aversive (against). Usually a woman incorporates the latter three responses (receptive, proceptive, and aversive) as part of her normal cycle routine IF she is not on some kind of hormonal birth control. Most people would concur that the “sexually aggressive female” is an atypical female. Here are some research discoveries that might help to shed some light on WHY some females are sexually aggressive based on the hormone testosterone.. An active (aggressive) attitude towards sex (in a woman) “can be” a strong indicator of higher than normal levels of testosterone circulating in her body. Because testosterone levels increase in response to accomplishment (read: winning)...social status and pecking order...successful career women usually have higher than normal levels of testosterone for a woman. Consider this: an ovulating female “career woman” might be more aggressive when she is ovulating than seductive...due to her higher than normal testosterone level trumping her ovulating estrogen influence. ~WHOA~ An aside thought: There are some rare women whose nature (genetic endowment) is such that they have a naturally higher level of circulating testosterone than the typical female. Therefore there are women who can be sexually aggressive that are NOT necessarily career women...they were predestined due to their genetic makeup (of higher than normal testosterone levels) to be sexually aggressive irrespective of their station in life. The down side to “testosterone sexual aggression” is that “high levels” of testosterone foster masturbation over intercourse...aggression over accommodation and polygamy over monogamy. Guess you can have too much of a testosterone thing! Oh and let’s not forget the increased facial hair...voice deepening...breast shrinking...clitoris enlarging testosterone side-effects on a woman! YEOW! Typically men are the aggressors when it comes to sex due to their “much higher testosterone levels” (20 to 40 TIMES greater). A Woman being proceptive (seductive) during ovulation infers she has a healthy balance of estrogen and testosterone circulating in her body and that her peaked level of the “I AM AN ATTRACTIVE/DESIRABLE WOMAN” hormone (estrogen) has imbued her with a strong desire to copulate. When all is said and done...there are a myriad of factors that influence a woman’s sexual desire this is just a snippet of how the hormones estrogen and testosterone might influence a woman’s desire to procreate.

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Sneezing and sex? Posted: 1/16/2009 1:32:47 PM
Your ability to orgasm (in both men and women) is GREATLY influenced by your body's "blood histamine level"? Oh and by the way...the release of histamine into the blood is also what happens when your body responds to some kind of allergen. SNEEZING therefore can be a bodily response to histamine being released in the body! I use to share in my college Human Sexuality classes this interesting sexual tidbit from the book Nutrition and Vitamin Therapy written by Dr. Michael Lesser M.D. the father of Orthomolecular Medicine. "In a study of 28 men, Dr. Carl Pfeiffer found the men's speed of ejaculation was correlated with their blood histamine; the HIGHER the HISTAMINE level the QUICKER the EJACULATION. MEN TOO LOW IN HISTAMINE however cannot attain ejaculation...though erection is no problem." Similarly, A WOMAN LOW IN HISTAMINE may be UNABLE to achieve orgasm and may be considered frigid. Conversely, men who ejaculate prematurely AND women capable of repeated or sustained orgasm MAY have elevated blood histamine levels! FYI: Cells containing histamine are concentrated in the head [glans] of the p e n i s. One would infer there is also a concentration of cells containing histamine in the c l i t o r i s since the c l i t o r i s sexually...is the female version of a penis that has been testosterone deprived. A premature male ejaculator may want to consider taking calcium and the amino acid methionine which lowers histamine...an hour prior to intercourse...or they could take an over the counter ANTI-histamine which also lowers histamine but has some side effects (ie: drowsiness) that calcium and methionine don't have. An aside thought here: Ladies if you have noticed your ability to orgasm during allergy season becomes more difficult...the cause MAY be the over-the-c0unter antihistamines you take to stop your allergic reactions to allergens. One lady I dated...realized after I told her the need for histamine in order to orgasm...the reason why she could not orgasm during allergy season. The anti-histamines she was taking for her allergies were blocking her ability to orgasm...by blocking her body's histamine release! Females who are not reaching orgasm due to insufficient histamine levels might want to consider taking the B-vitamins folic acid and niacin which elevate histamine. Make sure you take NIACIN and NOT THE NON-FLUSH niacin cousin "niacinamide" since you will not evoke a histamine release from niacinamide. For those adventurous souls seeking a NEW and UNIQUE sexual experience...try taking 250-500 MG of niacin a half hour before becoming sexually active. Almost anyone taking a strong dose of NIACIN for the first time will respond with a "VERY STRONG" histamine release that usually includes hot itchy sensations in "various parts" of the body. The histamine flushing will eventually wear off in an hour or so but the hot itchy sensations you experience during the flushing COULD add something "sexually hot" to your lovemaking experience. There are times when I sneeze while I am in the process of being turned on...however I am a discriminating sneezer in the sense that not just any type of sexual behavior or sex talk evokes a sneeze. Only "certain behaviors" or "certain words" spoken in a "specific context" that evoke "specific ideas" are capable of evoking a sneeze from me. Bottom line: Sneezing "can be" a sign you are turning on your lover by what you are doing to them physically or MENTALLY. Remember the most powerful sexual organ is the brain! AH-AH-CHOOO!

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 117 (view)

religion in a relationship...deal breaker? Posted: 12/1/2008 11:33:51 PM
Religious Disclaimer: Everything I write below is based on "MY" RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT saying you have to believe as I do! You can believe whatever way you want. What I am trying to do in this post is address WHY dating someone of similar religious beliefs is so important to ME based on my paradigm of a triune (God, Jesus, Holy Ghost) God. If we don't share the same beliefs about God...Jesus and the Bible...that's OK. I will respect that you have a belief system that is different than mine. OT: Different religious beliefs is a deal breaker for me and I will try and explain why sharing the same religious beliefs is so important to me. First a little background on "the history of my religious beliefs" as recorded in the Bible: In my religious belief system there is: God...Jesus and the Holy Ghost. I also believe there is evil in this world and the personification of that evil is a fallen angel of light. I believe that God created ALL THINGS including man (Adam) and woman (Eve). I believe that Adam and Eve sinned by going against God's instruction to not eat of the tree of knowledge. Because of sin God banished Adam and Eve from paradise and decreed that there must be a sacrificial payment for sin in order to temporarily restore Man's relationship with God. That sacrifice required the shedding of blood. Before Jesus came to earth the blood payment was a once a year sacrifice...but the sacrifice was flawed because the sacrificial animal was not perfect...so the sacrificial payment for sin was only good for a year. God had a plan for a perfect sacrifice and He eventually sent Jesus to the earth to become a perfect blood sacrifice for sin. The reason Jesus became the perfect blood sacrifice in God's eyes is because Jesus lived a sin free life while he was on the earth. I believe a sinless Jesus suffered and died a very painful death on a cross. Having lived a sin free life...when Jesus died on the cross he became a perfect sacrifice for sin. I believe that on the third day Jesus appeared to some of his friends to show them that he had conquered death and was no longer in the grave. In my religious belief system...in order to receive Jesus perfect sacrificial blood payment for my sins...I must fulfill God's requirements as explained in the Bible. I believe the Bible is a book written by men BUT inspired by God. Therefore in my religious belief system the Bible is God's way of letting me what I need to know about Him and Jesus. The Bible states there is a heaven and there is a hell. Heaven is a glorious place for people whose sins have been paid for by Jesus perfect sacrifice. Hell is a terrible place of torment for people whose sins have not been paid for by Jesus. People who have not received Jesus perfect payment for the sin in their lives...have failed to do what God says (in the Bible) they must do...in order to receive the perfect sacrificial payment of Jesus blood for their sins. Jesus said: "I am the way and the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father but by me. (The key thought here in MY religious belief system are the words "no one comes to the Father but by me." ) That key Jesus thought is very important! NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER (GOD)...BUT BY ME! In my belief system if "coming to the Father" literally means "going to heaven" then Jesus is saying: There is ONLY ONE WAY TO HEAVEN and I AM THE WAY. OK....so after all this setup...here is why dating a non-believer is a dating deal breaker for me. In my belief system...there is a heaven and an hell. When you truly love someone you want the BEST for them. That is what love is all about in my belief system..."wanting the best" for the one you love. If I date someone who does not believe as I do...then "in my belief system" when they die they would be going to hell. WHY? Because God requires a blood sacrifice as the only acceptable payment for sin and Jesus is the perfect blood sacrifice acceptable by God. Anyone who has sin in their life...is destined (according to the bible) to be sent to hell. How would you feel if you believed there is a heaven and a hell and the love of your life was not going to heaven because his/her sins had not been paid for by Jesus shed blood? The concept alone of someone I profoundly love going to a place of torment is stark enough that I cannot fathom being able to live happily day-to-day with someone that in my belief system is eventually going to be in torment when they die. There are MANY other reasons why dating someone of similar religious beliefs is wise but the one concept...of "wanting the best" for the love of my life...is all the reason I need to only date someone of similar religious beliefs. I know that my beliefs may not be your beliefs....and I want to reiterate: I am not asking you to believe what I do... What I am doing is trying to explain WHY I feel it is "prudent for me" to date someone who believes the same way I do. A final thought. What if my religious beliefs are wrong and there is no heaven and hell? Well according to French Mathematician Blaise Pascal the odds of there REALLY BEING A HEAVEN are 50/50. Normally I am NOT a gambler...but with the odds of there being a heaven (and a hell) at 50/50...I'm going to stand pat on my bet?

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Is The Sunshine an Aphrodisiac? Posted: 11/28/2008 4:27:02 PM
Do you have decreased energy levels from October to February? Do you experience more interpersonal problems during Oct-Feb? Do you have increased feelings of sadness/anxiety from Oct-Feb? Do you have more difficulties at work during Oct-Feb? Does your appetite for carbohydrates increase from Oct-Feb? Do you feel good after eating carbohydrates? Do you gain weight without changing your eating habits during Oct-Feb? Does your sex drive diminish from Oct-Feb? If you answered yes to three or more of these questions you might want to ponder if you are dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder AKA: SAD. One theory is that the main cause of SAD is the body's increase of melatonin production brought on by a lack of adequate exposure to sunlight. When one is exposed to adequate amounts of sunlight...melatonin production is normal (held in check). Lacking adequate exposure to sunlight INCREASES melatonin production thereby affecting the critical circadian rhythm of the body. Once the body's circadian rhythm is interrupted all bodily functions that are influenced by hormones are vulnerable to problems...including a loss of libido. One treatment for SAD is two hours of exposure to 2,500 lux of FULL SPECTRUM LIGHT IN THE MORNING. (One lux is the light given off by one candle.) Morning exposure is the most opportune time! Evening exposure to full spectrum light will likely cause you another problem: insomnia since it is the release of melatonin (caused by the sun going down) that tells the body to start preparing for sleep. OT: Yes sunshine is an Aphrodisiac because sunshine helps regulate the body's production of melatonin. Bottom line: Melatonin has a critical range of efficacy that must be maintained in order to maintain an active libido. Too much melatonin and you will be lethargic all the time... Too little melatonin and the ovaries and testis will start to atrophy (especially if you are in your mid-forties or older) drying up your libido! OOPS

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 78 (view)

Does music matter Posted: 11/6/2008 12:50:34 AM
For me? YES...music matters. I can't imagine creating a deep emotional relationship with someone who did not have a passionate love for music. WHY? Because music touches my life is so many wonderful ways: I earn my living as a sound engineer...my poetic muse is inspired by music. Plus I inspire all kinds of people and kids to get up and dance...by knowing what songs people love dancing to. Music is one of the most potent "emotion enablers" known to man. Decades after an emotional experience...a certain song can immediately evoke intense emotions associated with that song. Additionally...sharing a love for the same kind of music enables a very powerful (albeit sub-conscious) bonding to take place between two people AND if they are making love to their favorite music...the bonding is even more powerful and intense. Every person has life priorities they are passionate about. For this passionate die-hard music lover... music brings so much joy to my life that I could not fathom being happy with someone who doesn't have a deep enjoyment of music. Does music matter? Ask August Rush!

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 2325 (view)

DAILY QUOTES Posted: 8/10/2008 10:33:22 AM
My Child, if you finally decide to let a man kiss you; put your whole heart and soul into it. No man likes to kiss a rock. Lady Chesterfield The key to a rewarding, stable romance is knowing how to choose the right partner. Nothing can affect your happiness more than your choice of a lover or mate. Myron Benton I kissed my first woman and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I have never had time for tobacco since. Arturo Toscanini In the relation of a man and a woman who love each other with passion and imagination and tenderness, there is something of inestimable value, to be ignorant of which is a great misfortune to any human being. Bertand Russell

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 327 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 6/8/2008 1:43:24 PM
I believe that someone I dated has BPD. Much of what has been written here regarding BPD "behavior" has resonated with a BPD relationship I experienced over the time span of three years. What I have not read in the 14 pages of BPD information is any salient info regarding the BPD brain or more specifically the "brain problems" a BPD individual might experience. To be even more specific regarding possible "BPD brain" issues I want to zero in on problem behaviors associated with the prefrontal cortex area of the brain. According to the Change Your Brain Change Your Life Master Questionnaire by Psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen. A prefrontal cortex in trouble may exhibit these behaviors: Inattention Lack of forethought Procrastination Impulsive Disinhibited* Poor Judgement Lack of Empathy Disorganization Lack of Ethics *It is worth noting that many Borderlines are exceptional lovers according to a post on one University website! A Borderline's lack of inhibition I feel contributes profoundly to their sexual prowess and desirability. If you factor in the "emotional bonding" that takes place due to "oxytocin release" that occurs with EVERY orgasm a Borderline gives you...it's not surprising to read about multi-year relationships with a Borderline. Although Borderline behavior can be mentally...emotionally and physically devastating...their lovemaking can be ineffable! Marilyn Monroe was supposedly a Borderline. I can't help but wonder if anyone who dated a BPD experienced many of these 9 different prefrontal behaviors? I experienced at least 7 of them. It is note worthy that a concussions to any part of the head can damage the brain since the brain (which has a consistency of soft butter or custard) is housed in a hard skull that can have bony protrusions on the inside of the skull. I know the lady I dated had at least two concussions in the prefrontal cortex area of her brain. Therefore I can't help wondering how many other BPD's may have had any head injuries in their lifetime that "might contribute" to their BPD behavior. Given the POF prohibition for posting internet weblinks. Anyone who would like to know more regarding additional BPD info or weblinks can contact me directly and I will be glad to share the weblinks/info I have discovered related to BPD. Hopefully IF any of you are trying to understand or cope with BPD behavior (for whatever reason) this prefrontal cortex info will be helpful.

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

Has your burning desire, obsession .... for... 'x' ruined your relationship? Posted: 6/4/2008 4:43:10 PM
I feel there is some merit in this observation regarding one's personal allocation of the most precious gift they have: TIME. "You can tell the priorities in a person's life by where they spend their time and their money." I made the mistake of dating someone that left me feeling like I was priority number 5 or 6 in her "free time" priority list. Needless to say being on the receiving end of someone's "time dregs" does not foster a strong and healthy bond.

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

Are independant women a turn off? Posted: 4/15/2008 12:56:54 PM
Merriam-Webster's 11th Collegiate Dictionary has two listings for independent. "Independent" is a NOUN and basically defines a political viewpoint ie "Independent voter" and is usually capitalized. The other "independent" dictionary listing is an ADJECTIVE. Remember in English an ADJECTIVE typically serves as a modifier of a NOUN to "denote a QUALITY of the thing named". In other words when one uses the word "independent" it would be EXTREMELY BENEFICIAL to describe the noun you are modifying. Being able to balance your check book makes you an "independent check book balancer". Which is far more descriptive than the generic all inclusive : I am an independent woman. Truth be told there is no one who truly independent in the all encompassing definition of the term. If you drive you are DEPENDENT on gas stations for gas unless you have your own source of crude and and your own refinery. If you fly you are DEPENDENT on airlines UNLESS you have your own LEAR. If you don't raise everything you eat...you are dependent on the grocery store for food. So I cannot think of anyone who is TOTALLY INDEPENDENT. Since the words "independent woman" is such a broad term...using INDEPENDENT WOMAN in your profile is TYPICALLY going to evoke (based on three pages of feedback) a NEGATIVE response by numerous men who read your profile and have been exposed to "independent women" who were less than male friendly! Deleting ONE word "independent" from your profile is going to "immediately raise" your attractiveness to every man who dislikes the term independent. What does being independent mean to YOU? Perhaps enumerating the qualities that demonstrate your independence without using the word independent would be a WIN WIN situation for you. I can do cook by myself but I enjoy the benefits of having a man's help in the kitchen...is far more attractive to me personally than: "I don't need help in the kitchen". My experience with an independent woman was such a disaster that I cringe when I read "I am an independent woman" in a profile. It's not fair to infer that every woman would be like her but as many previous men have attested...some women use independence as an entitlement "to do as they please without "relationship accountability" or consideration of the impact their behavior has on the relationship. The huge irony is that once Miss independent ended up in the hospital "helpless" she found out how one's independence can change to extreme dependency in a heartbeat! If your model of acting independently is where the majority of your decisions take ONLY YOU into account during the decision making process. I predict that kind of "independence" will be EXTREMELY detrimental to the health of your relationship. A final thought...I am not against being independent but as Karen Carpenter once sang in the song I Need To Be In Love: "I use to say no promises...let's keep it simple...but freedom (independence) only helps you say goodbye." "Freedom only helps you say goodbye!" The FREEDOM idea is something the independent woman might want to ponder if she can't seem to sustain a long term...healthy relationship. Good luck....

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

How much time is necessary for a relationship? Posted: 4/15/2008 12:35:05 AM
Numerous posts have indicated the amount of time needed for a relationship varies from person to person. I agree. If you are a kinesthetic person...I completely understand your need for that touch connection. Therefore seeing someone once or twice a week to get your touch needs met is probably not going to be adequate for those of us who love to touch and be touched. A critical ingredient in figuring the necessary time together recipe is "how important are you to the person" and "how important is that person to you"? I have been as high as the top priority in one relationship and I have been as low as the time leftovers guy in another relationship. Being the time leftovers guy was emotionally devastating so we fought about the amount of time I was seeking in the relationship but we never resolved the time together issue therefore that relationship died! Each person chooses their priorities outside of work...sometimes however work is their ONLY priority. For some people a personal passion may dictate their priorities outside of work. And IF you are NOT their greatest passion outside of work then you probably won't get as much of their free time as their first passion receives...since their "FIRST PASSION" has a greater priority in THEIR life than you. A simple rule of thumb: the priorities of a person's life can be discerned by where they spend their time and their money. If you are TRULY important to someone then the time they spend with you during their free time away from work will reflect that importance. Some people will use money as a means to say you are a priority...but money is NOT as valuable as time...because when your time is up...you cannot buy more time. Different people can accept different conditions in order to grow a relationship so perhaps the question to ask yourself is this: Can I be satisfied with the amount of time I get or do I find myself unhappy and wanting more time together in this relationship. If you want more time and you don't receive the time you ask for...then you get to decide what is more important. Staying in the relationship and accepting your current status or leaving the relationship to see if you can find a relationship where your time needs will be met. Remember that the person who CONTROLS or dictates how much of their free time is given to the other person... wields the MOST power in the relationship. And the one who wields the most power in a relationship is the one who loves the least. If you ask for more time from a significant other...that person has to decide if YOU are more valuable to them than what is currently taking up their free time. When all is said and done...love will strive to find a way to give you more time if at all possible...indifference however (from the person who doesn't love you as much as you love them) will find excuses why they can't give you more time. Ideally I would want to be someone's top priority outside of their work...BECAUSE it doesn't feel right to be called a significant other and be given time leftovers!

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 171 (view)

what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable Posted: 4/14/2008 4:27:15 PM
WOW! Over a 170 responses to this question in 8 days! Obviously this is a very HOT TOPIC that pushes all kinds of HOT BUTTONS for males and females alike! OT: I've met two women in my 20 years of soul mate searching (my age is 57) who met "MY DEFINITION" of a SOUL MATE. Therefore in my eyes a soul mate is EXTREMELY RARE. Of the two soul mates I dated "the one" who was NOT financially stable "in my eyes" presented and perceived herself as being my "financial superior". The huge irony here is that she saw me as being financially inferior yet BETWEEN THE TWO OF US SHE HAD: the greatest debt (NO house debt involved)... the poorer fico scores by more than 100 points... no credit cards (FYI: credit cards are one area that is "used to assess the credit worthiness of a person" hence no credit cards equates to a lower FICO score)... an upside down car loan...(upside down car loan means: the car blue book value is less than the debt owed to the lender) Although I was willing to accept my soul mate and her financial status (apparently love can be BLIND) she had issues with her soul mate and his financial status...or more specifically that his job of 20 plus years "with the same employer" was part-time. Although I adore my job I needed to leave my secure job of 20 plus years and find a new "full-time" job to make more money if she was going to feel financially secure in our relationship. Does job switching make sense in this job market? After 20 plus years at my part-time job I am the one who is better off financially than she is after 3 years at her current full-time job...making 3 times my income. YET I needed to get a better job! In the end money WAS a major reason two soul mates parted...but it was "the one with the greatest debt" who could not find financial comfort in a relationship with "the one that had the least debt". Guys: her profile is on POF so apparently she is available for a financially secure man. Ahh the never ending cycle of "love being exchanged for money"....some things will never change.

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Conflict resolution in relationships what do you do? Posted: 4/11/2008 11:46:44 AM
Having a preset conflict resolution is like a guarantee...the resolution is only as good as the backers of the guarantee. Plus you have assorted conflict mitigating factors: The level of anger at the time of conflict... The emotional maturity of each person... The importance of the relationship to each person... The "priority" of the relationship to each person... The truthfulness of each person... The level of trust one feels towards the other...and vice-versa... The "issue" priority or importance to one of the parties ie confronting someone over detrimental relationship behavior they don't want to give up...or change... Possibility of physical/emotional limitations ie brain damage (memory loss)...disastrous childhood...that render one or both of the parties incapable of seeing the true nature OR history of the conflict... The desire/motivation of each person to resolve the conflict... Whether the conflict is face-to-face or remote ie conflict over the phone or email... The accountability level ie how accountable one is to the other for their behavior... Whether or not each party is altruistic (let's resolve this for our relationship health) or agenda oriented (it's my way or the highway)... The Deja-Vu factor...been here before...know how it's going to turn out... Whether or not one of the parties has a hidden agenda... The objectivity level of each person... The stress level of each person... *The "coping method used" when confrontation stresses the person out ie one of the "three basic" responses to a sterssor: 1)get away from the stressor...2)change the stressor...3)change one's attitude about the stressor. The willingness to seek a third parties OBJECTIVE input (counseling) to resolve the issue... As one can see there are numerous factors that influence conflict resolution. Perhaps THE MOST IMPORTANT ATTRIBUTE when it comes to resolving a conflict IS THE LEVEL OF MATURE LOVE each party feels for the other. Mature love defined: when meeting the "good unmet needs" of the other is more important than your needs. Mature love demonstrated: the love a mother gives to an infant. The quickest way to weaken and eventually destroy a relationship is to place "SELF NEEDS" as the "highest priority" in the relationship! Conflict resolution guarantee? It's only as good as the two people backing the guarantee!

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Chemistry test Posted: 3/31/2008 1:10:10 PM
No I did not press the refine search after clearing the boxes...when I did clear the boxes and THEN press refine the search it worked...now I understand. Thanks so much for the feedback!

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Chemistry test Posted: 3/30/2008 11:08:41 PM
I did check the boxes and the check marks disappeared BUT when I sign back on the check marks are STILL there even though when I signed off the check marks were gone. It appears that ONCE you use the check marks and do a refine search...the check marks can NEVER be removed. EVEN when you manually check the marks a second time to remove them... By the way my browser is Firefox. 2.0.0.13

Musical Touch

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Chemistry test Posted: 3/29/2008 8:58:02 PM
I selected 5 different settings on the sort list under the chemistry page and now I don't get any results for the chemistry test with the five check marks I used. I signed off...deleted my cookies...signed back on...clicked on chemistry and the check marks are still there. I did not understand that once you defined the values you could never change the values again. Apparently you cannot go back and UNDO the check mark choices in the chemistry sort section...so it appears I will never be able to view anyone under the chemistry choice again because the check marks can't be unchecked and the values I picked leave me with no choices. I feel it would be EXTREMELY helpful if people were notified that once those check marks are CHECKED and you do a refine search...you can never change the refine search values AGAIN! Thanks...

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

What IS intimacy, emotional intimacy? Posted: 2/6/2008 1:39:00 PM
kayliecat I want to thank you for sharing your opinions regarding my post on emotional intimacy. I want to comment that my previous post was written from the view point of WHY I FEEL many women have trouble finding emotional intimacy with a majority (ie greater than 50%) of men. I did not comment on Women who think and act like men as that was not my focus. kayliecat in your commentary regarding Myers Briggs you write: [you indeed can be very analytical AND feeling oriented, or analytical and NOT feeling oriented. ] I am wondering how to interpret your words here. To be fair all dimensions are subject to degrees of majority and minority. For example a Myers Briggs 85% analytical/thinking and 15% emotional/feeling assessment would give me the impression that this person would be less inclined to emotional intimacy than someone with a 51% analytical/thinking and a 49% emotional/feeling. I can agree then that you can have analytical and feeling behaviors in the same person...the expression of these T/F traits depends on the percentages of how the T and F dimension breaks down for a PARTICULAR person. As I understand the word "very" I would say that a person's Thinking/analytical dimension would be more than 50% if VERY is used as an adjective describing the behavior. Therefore one who is VERY analytical (greater than 50%) could be "feeling oriented" to SOME degree (the key word being SOME). Someone who was was described as analytical (without using VERY in the description of analytical) and feeling oriented...would be different in their response towards emotional intimacy than someone who is very analytical. As I understand the Myers Briggs the analytical (T) and the feeling (F) attitudes are located in the SAME category. The T/F dimension is the area people use when they make a decision according to the authors of Gifts Differing. The S/N dimension is the dimension used to gather information. These two inner dimensions S/N and T/F are the areas where dominant and auxiliary functions are found. A dominant function is one of these four attributes that a person places as the governing force in their life: relying on their 5 senses (S). Using one's intuitive/creative ability (N). Excelling in the analytical realm (T). Letting your emotions guide your life (F). In general the auxiliary process picks up what is not important to the Dominant function thereby playing a lesser role of involvement in the life of a person. I am a Myers Briggs INFJ. My dominant function is my iNtuition (N) my auxiliary function is Feeling (F) therefore I place great value on creativity yet I also have an emotional heart so I am an anomaly when it comes to men since my auxiliary function is Feeling. As a feeler I can be emotionally intimate when the need arises and I can easily communicate on an emotional level because I am in tune with my feelings. What ever function is dominant that function is used to unify one's life. The E/I and the J/P being the other two dimensions of the Myers Briggs 4 dimension categories illustrated in the previous post. The Myers Briggs book Gifts Differing written by Isabel Briggs Myers and her son Peter Myers states that there is a dominant function and an auxiliary function in all people. To reiterate these two functions are found in the inner two categories Sensing/iNtuition and Thinking/Feeling. Gifts Differing states that a dominant function will be in ONE category and the auxiliary function will be in the OTHER category. Therefore you can't have a dominant T and an auxiliary F because dominant and auxiliary functions are never found in the same category. What is striking to me is that in the 4 categories of the Myers Briggs according to Gifts Differing...the third category Thinking/Feeling is the ONLY CATEGORY that shows a "gender predisposition". Fifty percent of the population are "Thinking" oriented and two-thirds of that thinking populace are male. Likewise fifty percent of the population are "Feeling" oriented and of that fifty percent "feeler" populace two-thirds are female. When I quoted 66% of the male populace as being thinking...I did not make up the statistic rather I quoted the statistic from Gifts Differing. What is important to note here is that this 66% populace has varying levels of thinking and feeling totals in each individual...a concept I believe that was conveyed in a previous post. Not all men have the same degree or balance between thinking and feeling...however these 66% T-males PREFER thinking over feeling when it comes to making day-to-day decisions...therefore there is this vast male culture that is MORE thinking oriented decision makers ...than feeling oriented decision makers. If facts are used by men to make a decision the majority of the time...then the fact oriented side of the brain gets more exercise than the feeling side. To me it make sense that the hemisphere that gets exercised the most will be the hemisphere in the best mental shape? When a woman seeks a feeling (emotional intimacy) response from a fact oriented mind it seems the natural response she would get back from a man would be his natural T thinking tendency. For example: A man comes home from work and the woman asks him "How was your day?" The feelings oriented female typically asks this question from an emotional mindset as most feeling oriented women like to connect emotionally with people...especially their lover! Let's suppose his response to her question is a generic: OK. Now if this man were feeling oriented and he knew that she was seeking an emotional connection with him...he would follow up his "OK" by asking her how her day went. This kind of communication (How was your day sweetheart?) is called "turning towards" by relationship expert John Gottman. By staying on "her topic" with "his question" this man would probably foster additional communication with her and that additional communication would probably open the door for MORE emotional intimacy between them. If His "OK" response is a more factual thinking response to her emotional request and he does not engage her back by asking about her day this behavior would tend to indicate he is not oriented towards connecting with her emotionally at this time. If you put enough of these same kind of not wanting to emotionally connect responses together over time...a woman might conclude this man does not appear to know how to connect with her emotionally. Hopefully this simple scenario shows how emotional intimacy can be ignited or cooled based on one simple question and the response to that question by a man. I don't want to say that who a person is emotionally...can never be changed. What I do want to emphasize is that change usually requires pain as the initial motivator for the change to take place...and IF the emotional investment (read: love) in the relationship is NOT strong enough to handle the pain motivator...the relationship more than likely will end without change ever taking place. If two out of three men are THINKING oriented...that statistic would help me to understand why lots of women have trouble connecting emotionally with a man. What is even more sobering is this fact. IF and I repeat "IF" for emphasis...IF a man's DOMINANT function is THINKING then according to Gifts Differing his least developed function will be in the same category....in this case the FEELING function. Therefore if someone's least developed Myers Briggs function is Feeling...I would be inclined to "think" said person would have difficulty connecting with someone emotionally. There are exception to ALL rules and I would be remiss to say that Myers Briggs theory is sacrosanct and irrefutable. However in the general populace Myers Briggs is a very strong predictor of behavior. Therefore the odds of a dominant function Thinker being great with emotional intimacy would be something I would tend to see as quite remote. As an aside comment regarding the number of men on Plentyoffish who are feeling oriented...I submit for your consideration that the number of "feeling" men you have used for your sample of the general male populace lacks sample credibility. Can conclusions be drawn about the small number of men who are on Plentyoffish? Yes. Do these conclusions represent the GENERAL populace of several BILLION MALES?? I don't think so! If a statistical sample is not indicative of the general populace...then the sample is skewed and so are any conclusions based on the sample. Defining Emotional Intimacy is difficult to do since there are so many mitigating factors AKA: "people's opinions". I attempted to share some of what I have learned from 25 years of relationship study...teaching ...and my personal relationship experiences. If what I shared helps you to have a better relationship...then that is all that matters to me.

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

What IS intimacy, emotional intimacy? Posted: 2/6/2008 12:52:03 AM
I feel there are some very insightful and wise thoughts regarding emotional intimacy in this thread! My turn to share... One idea that has not been addressed yet has to deal with the majority of "most" men's physiology. Emotional intimacy is based on sharing FEELINGS. When it comes to males there is quite a bit of research to indicate that the majority (66%) of males are left-brain (analytical) dominant! Did you get that? Two out of three men are left-brain dominant and approach all things in life from an analytical viewpoint. Left-brain dominant is NOT the side that experiences feelings or creates an emotionally intimate exchange. The right-side of the brain is the feelings oriented side. Taking this lesson in physiology a little bit further...women TYPICALLY have a larger corpus callosum (the interconnecting tissue between the left and right cerebral hemisphere's) therefore women have a greater mental capacity/ability to access the right (emotional/feeling) hemisphere than most men. There is an exception though to this left-brain group of analytical men! Left-handed males have a corpus callosum that averages about 13% larger than the typical population. This larger corpus callosum really gets a leftie male in touch with his right-brain feelings! Yes Virginia...the deeply emotional male does exist and typically is left-handed...course the population distribution of left-handed (feelings dominant) males is about 7-9%. If emotional intimacy (as defined by many of the people who have posted in this thread) is about sharing one's feelings. One must be in touch with their feelings in order to tell another person about those feelings. Getting back to the premise that the majority of males are left-brain dominant...asking the typical man to share his feelings when he is left-brain dominant will be difficult if not impossible. If he is the typical male he is much better equipped to share his "favorite facts" with you than share his feelings. Ask a man who is passionate about baseball for some statistics...and BAM! You get all kinds of left-brain numbers. Ask a hot rodder the bore and stroke on his favorite engine? Yup he knows those facts too. However if you want those same two men to tell you how they feel about their relationship with you? Their right-brain may say: "ACCESS DENIED!" So is finding an emotionally intimate relationship with a man as easy as finding a left-handed male? NOPE! Not necessarily. If a left-handed male is really sensitive and into his feelings AND he has a great deal of unresolved emotional pain...then the odds are very good that a right-brain (feeling) male may have some kind of addiction going on (since right-brained men are more feeling oriented). Men in deep emotional pain OFTEN use some kind of addictive behavior to mood alter OUT of their unresolved emotional pain. Additionally the more powerful the mood altering addiction...the less attention will be paid to anything else...including the lady they are in a relationship with. Sadly facts are facts...trying to get your emotional intimacy needs met in a relationship with someone who has an addiction...is darn near impossible since the addict usually spends more time thinking about their next fix than thinking about you. It is NOT a coincidence that creative right-brain dominant male musicians are known for their sex and drug behavior. Gotta mood alter out of that unresolved emotional pain and what better way than with extremely powerful addictions like sex and drugs? However there is SO MUCH MORE to emotional intimacy than just the ability to access one's feelings. For one thing you need to find someone who is willing to "give up" to their friend or significant other...their personal power and be emotionally vulnerable. If you have ever dated someone who has never been willing to admit they are wrong...or who changes the subject of a heart-to-heart talk when you make an irrefutable point...you just might have dated a CRAZYMAKER. One of the hallmarks of being in a relationship with a crazymaker is that they can NEVER admit they are wrong. For in admitting they are wrong...they give up POWER...and giving up power is something a crazymaker will never do! Bottom line: YOU cannot have an emotionally intimate exchange with a crazymaker who is power oriented and not willing to give up their personal power by being vulnerable to you. Discussing a relationship issue or any issue for that matter with a crazymaker will always leave you frustrated. WHY? Because a crazymaker needs to be the most powerful person in the relationship and you can't be powerful when you are emotionally vulnerable. The reason you can't be powerful when you are emotionally vulnerable is because you don't know how the other person is going to respond to your vulnerable revelation. Doubt does not foster power...so if you do not know how someone is going to respond to something you say...you are not coming from a position of power. Again crazymakers are power oriented. Share something vulnerable about yourself and you might get laughed at or ridiculed by a crazymaker. Normally in a healthy relationship emotional intimacy begets emotional intimacy but power is more important to a crazymaker than emotional intimacy so rather than reciprocate with a vulnerability of their own they might make fun of your intimate revelation. And this devastating ridicule is what eventually KILLS emotional intimacy in a relationship. The doubt of not knowing how one will respond to an emotionally intimate revelation keeps so many couples in the shallow/safe waters of a relationship...away from the deep and potentially scary waters of emotional intimacy/vulnerability. Too bad...for in those scary waters of emotional vulnerability resides the greatest of relationship treasures: emotional intimacy. I am not surprised that more often than not it's the left-brain dominant person who makes fun of the right-brain person who is desiring emotionally intimacy? And that ridicule from the left-brain dominant (who is not in touch with their emotions) EVENTUALLY kills any desire a right-brain person might want for emotional intimacy. Show me a woman who deeply understands her emotions BUT does not have emotional intimacy with her man and I will show you a woman who has YET to experience the FULL potential of her sexuality. Am I surprised that MOST women crave emotional intimacy with their man but rarely get what they want? NO. Honestly now...given a choice between: left-brain ANALYTICAL/SEQUENTIAL sex: (kiss lips/touch breasts/score at home) AND right-brain RAW UNINHIBITED INDESCRIBABLE FURNITURE MOVING SEX... I wonder what she would choose? As anyone reading ALL these posts can see...emotional intimacy has many wonderful facets and many potential problems. The greatest of these problems at least for some of the ladies posting on this thread appears to be finding a man who can meet them on the same level of emotional intimacy that they seek.

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

You lived in Phoenix in the 60s, 70s and 80s if... Posted: 1/31/2008 11:07:53 AM
I'm a native of Arizona and really enjoyed sashaying down memory lane reading your post. My what a memory you have! Some of my memories precede your memories... Drive -ins: The Acres drive-in on Van Buren between 43rd and 35th Ave. The Northern drive-in on Northern and I-17...Indian School drive-in on 27th Ave and the Round Up drive-in. It appears I went to a lot of drive-ins in my youth! LOL I remember as a freshman my class "A" high school (Agua Fria) played class "AA" Sunnyslope high in football and upset the favored Sunnyslope team. That year (1964) the Agua Fria football team went undefeated but was on probation and could not compete against Winslow high for the state class "A" football championship. Back in the 60's there were funny mascot drawings on the Republic sports page. The pictures were of the different high school mascots predicting the outcome of the game based on a visual representation of what one mascot was going to do the other mascot. A city of Phoenix "city limits" sign was located at Indian School and 59th Ave. Woody's El Nido on Indian School and 51st Ave was "THE" place to go for Mexican food if you lived on the Westside. I bought gas (in 1966) at a Union 76 station on Indian School and 75th Ave for 19 cents a gallon! One of the major Phoenix area gas station chains was called Blakely's. You use to get a frosted drinking glass with a cactus on it for every fill-up at a Blakely's station. The very first Costco (Price Club) in Arizona was at 43rd and Camelback. My Price Club membership number was 208 meaning I was the 208th person to join Price Club in Arizona. The Camelback Price Club (Costco) was the second Price Club ever built. The first Price Club ever built was in San Diego and was named after Sol Price the founder of Price Club. For me Bell Road was so far north from Goodyear back then that it seemed like south Flagstaff...oh I recall lots of grape vineyards and citrus trees on Bell road back then. The Bethany West theater had three ticket choices and three ticket prices...as there were different seating areas based on which ticket you bought. One of the choices was "Loge". On Central the Palms theater was naturally located at Palm Lane. Nearby was Jordan's Mexican food. On Jordan's menu there was an endorsement by Pancho of Pancho and Sisco cowboy fame attesting to the fine quality of Jordan's Mexican food. Cruising Central back then (mid 60's) required a mandatory cruising through Bob's drive-in to see all the cool muscle cars of the mid 60's. What a great way to spend a Friday evening after some high school sports event. There was a hamburger place on Van Buren around 7th Ave that sold 20 burgers for a DOLLAR! In the 80's I was the sound engineer for Ladmo and Gerald at an event at the Encanto Band Shell...obviously this was before the Encanto Band Shell burned and was torn down! I remember Gold Dust Charley...the predecessor to Wallace. Out in east Mesa there was Jack Adams Alligator farm. I never got to visit Jack's place but I remember the sign above the building. Guess the Phoenix Zoo put Jack out of business. Aquanetta was truly one-of-a-kind. I can still visualize her gaudy makeup and hear her voice as she talks about her husband "Mr. Touchdown" Jack Ross and the fine Mercury cars he had for sale! It seems like all the movies on Channel 5 back in the 50's and 60's had commercials for Jack Ross Lincoln Mercury with Aquanetta being the spokesperson. Speaking of KRIZ and KRUX...I actually won 13 cents on a KRUX radio contest. Had I picked the first choice on that KRUX contest...instead of the second choice I would have won $1360 which corresponded to the AM frequency (1360) KRUX transmitted on. In the early 60's there was a trotting park built here in the Goodyear area. Unfortunately the trotting park didn't last very long as driving out to Goodyear from the Phoenix area meant driving on surface streets. Very few people know that Lake Pleasant use to be called "Frog Tanks" by some of the locals. Before I-17 if you wanted to go to Flagstaff one of the ways was to drive to Wickenburg then take state route 89 up Yarnell Hill into Prescott on to Jerome and Sedona then wind through Oak Creek up to the top of the hill where you were just a few miles from Flagstaff. What a scenic trip! Course when you are 5-10 years old the trip to Flag seemed like an eternity! My first transistor radio was a Sears Silvertone...the Sears catalog advertisement touted that the radio had a grand total of 6 transistors in the radio and cost me $17 plus tax! Downtown Phoenix had a J. C. Penny's (around 3rd Street and Washington) with an underground parking lot! WOO HOO! I was one of those fortunate people to see Star Wars on the BIG SCREEN at the Cine Capri and I watched Titanic (I think Titanic was the last movie shown) at the Cine Capri before the theater was razed. Well to quote Bob Hope..."Thanks for the memories!"

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 149 (view)

The Ecstasy of Intimacy Posted: 12/9/2007 10:23:29 AM
TRUST! The foundation on which two people build Ecstatic Intimacy AKA Emotional Intimacy is TRUST. If I can't trust you...I can't tell you who I am. If I can't tell you who I am...you will never know my most vulnerable and intimate secrets...the revealing of which engenders (in healthy relationships) the highly prized and rarely achieved: "E" "I" (ecstatic intimacy/emotional intimacy). In an UN-healthy relationship the sharing of one's secrets engenders manipulation and sets the stage for one to be used by the person who is the least vested emotionally in the relationship. The natural result when a couple share "E" "I" is the gradual removal of any mental blocks that are hindering one's total expression of PHYSICAL INTIMACY. It's worth noting that the one who "CONTROLS the intimacy" in a relationship is the one with the GREATEST FEAR OF BEING KNOWN. Reduce the fear of being known through E I and you unleash the power of sexual passion that was being held back due to fear. One of the most important relationship rules is this: The one who wields the MOST power in the relationship is the ONE WHO LOVES THE LEAST. Love...true authentic love...is never about power...authentic love is about giving yourself through loving actions to the one you love. Watch a woman love her children...and you will see that "healthy love" is not about wielding power...the mother who loves her kids...sacrifices for those kids. Is it any wonder then...WHY a woman would greatly value a man who can love HER sacrificially! A woman knows through her personal experience that the greatest love she gave to her kids required sacrifice...therefore the man who loves her in a sacrificial manner is a man who knows what TRUE love is all about. One final thought...YOU want to know how to kill Ecstatic INTIMACY...respond repeatedly to my secrets...with judgmental or negative comments...and I will stop telling you my secrets. Pearl Seeker

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Is 'Love' a noun or a verb? Posted: 3/29/2007 9:59:04 AM
PROFOUND LOVE IS A VERB! I experience love by the actions (energy) someone expends to meet a good unmet need of mine. LIKEWISE I give love by using my actions (energy) to meet good unmet needs of the one I love. Being told "I love you" a hundred times pales in value when compared to a hundred loving acts. Trust me I know this "words" versus "actions" truth firsthand. I have experienced the words ("I love you") and I have experienced the actions ("What can I do to love you?") I'll take the actions every time since the one who is willing to love me with her actions...is the one that loves me the deepest and most sincerely. Telling someone you love them is the easiest and LAZIEST way to express love...since words can be easily said. It's backing up those words with loving actions (expending energy for the beloved) that carry a greater magnitude of truth and commitment concerning your love for someone. The greater your love for someone...the more you will do for them. The greatest example of love is this: "Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for his brother." I use to tell my relationship classes that if you want to know if you truly love someone...ask yourself, "Would I die for this person?" Your answer to that simple question is the litmus test for how deep your love is for someone. SELAH

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 131 (view)

artistic/creative people and relationships Posted: 3/28/2007 9:40:28 AM
People fall in love for all kinds of reasons but how often do those same love birds identify the reasons WHY they fell in love. (As an aside those who do remember and tell often...the reasons WHY they fell in love with their lover...usually have the happiest relationships.) When it comes to the creative temperament I believe there are some very good reasons artistic people would be good for each other (that is if they can learn how to handle each other's passionate outbursts! LOL). Communication style is one example. Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship. If one person's communication style is abstract and focuses more on the big picture (the forest) while another person's style is concrete and focuses on a specific (a tree) then the stage for possible miscommunication is always lurking in the shadows of interpretation. I catch flack all the time for being too literal and exact. I am a writer...I think like a writer...and I often communicate with a writer's bent. Sir Francis Bacon once wrote: "Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man and writing an exact man. " Yet I am also a poet...who often uses the nuances of abstract inflection to hallmark my creativity. Want a unique word combination to create a unique idea...my right hemisphere can foot the bill! How about "silken river" taken from my poem "Making Love" as a comment on a woman's state of arousal? Or "your bread is soft...against my thighs" taken from the poem Spooning? These images are abstract and an abstract thinking mind would be more inclined to understand the subtle nuances of their abstract meaning than a concrete thinker who gets confused by trying to understand "soft bread" in a poem about spooning. Trying to communicate with someone (Especially on an emotionally intimate level...which is one side of Dr. Robert Sternberg's Triangle of Love) given all the nuances that go into communication...can be a daunting task if you add as a variable that one person is a concrete thinker and the other is abstract. Bottom line...communication (being understood and understanding the other) is critical when it comes to maintaining a happy relationship...so if two people communicate better because their individual artistic bent contributes to their being BETTER understood by the other then YES is it good for an artist to love an artist!

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 150 (view)

Making Love Posted: 3/23/2007 9:27:56 AM
saltytowers: To comment on your question. I have not written a poem where the guitar was an object of desire. Am I up for the creative challenge? Probably not given the maelstrom...mayhem and mastication my muse has recently endured. I can share old creations with you....but my heart is not up for new creations right now. You mentioned "WE" make the best lovers too...I concur...so I am including some loving rhyme I hope you will enjoy... Pearl Seeker... Making Love I know your every secret hidden round your flesh and I can play you senseless before our bodies mesh I make you wet by talking it’s the sound of my caress and squirm you into tingle until you acquiesce... You soften to my finger rippling on your sweet yearning for the love that melds you in my heat I make your body quiver as I merge into your need and feel your silken river engulf my plunging steed We are joined as lovers in a dance of sweetest baring naked to the soul fearless in our sharing You let me call the shots and surrender to my voice knowing all the while you always have a choice I love to make you sweat from loving you all night and never lose control until I feel it’s right Sometimes I make you ache for the hunger of release then surrender my control releasing you to peace You shake your head in wonder or damn me in frustration miffed that I could last until your abdication We play our different roles and you are asked to serve obeying my commands intensifies our verve Sometimes I have you stop at union’s apogee and have you plead your need for having more of me I do this cause I know the needs that stoke your fire I do this for the bliss of taking you much higher Sometimes your ride is shortened as I curry your great favor by suggesting you imbibe on the mingling of our flavor You smile in pure delight for I know you hunger too to feast on liquid life is a treat you love to do You are the rarest find a woman extraordinaire who pleases me...incredibly with the passion of your care So remember this sweet vixen making love is nothing new but I am blessed in knowing It's something that we do...

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 145 (view)

Guitar Love Posted: 3/22/2007 6:20:00 PM
Guitar Love Against the frets a hand doth move with power form and time drawing from the tightened gut love’s mournful tune of chyme The fingers dance near wooden face selecting where to strum creating sound with forced embrace from a hole that left me numb Sometimes I’ll pick for clarity to distinguish wrenching deed and then fall back...staccato flat to hear my spirit bleed Raw fingers spew another riff reverberating pain culling yet another tiff from angst I can’t refrain The strident sounds are killing me doloroso is my theme transgressions filling ev’ry view of the one who stole my dream Someday I pray to pluck a note whose tone will start me healing or a melody on which to dote with verve from blissful feeling For on that day the finger dance will halt my mournful strumming freeing me from lonely’s trance to feelings more becoming

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 135 (view)

Poems That Rhyme, Please Posted: 3/19/2007 9:52:58 AM
Moments there are moments in the times of life when love is in its splendor moments when your heart is strong and moments when it's tender there are moments when your spirit soars and moments you will grieve moments when you cannot cope and moments you must leave there are moments when your pain will burn and moments of December when numbness fills your every thought in the coldness of "remember" there are moments you will justify and moments you'll regret for love can rip your heart apart with loving needs....unmet there are moments when you'll be as one and moments of confusion moments when your dreams are lost in the wake of love's delusion there are moments when your joy is real and moments you will feign it’s easier to hide in joy than let them know your pain too be continued......as the moments inspire

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish? Posted: 3/16/2007 5:55:44 PM
In my last relationship I discovered she was looking to upgrade when the right guy came along and she told me so. At least she was honest about me being a BTN (Better Than Nothing) lover. OUCH! In our last conversation she said if she met the right guy she would leave in a heart beat. This new revelation after I had helped her through knee surgery was the reason that conversation was our LAST conversation. Too bad it took me two years of being jerked around to find out the truth about her REAL feelings for me. (OT) I believe most people feel there is an abundance of available singles out there waiting to be met. It's that "sense of abundance" that obscures the real truth. The odds of finding someone you really connect with on an emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual level are truly rare. IF you do the math on the odds of meeting someone you might have your eyes opened to how difficult it is to find a lifetime love. For example. Take THREE criteria you desire in a love connection. Let's use looks, intelligence, and income as three choices. Let's say that 1 person in 25 turns your heads as far as looks. That one person in 25 has the intelligence you are looking for and that one person in 25 has the income you are looking for. Turn each of those three desires into fractions (1 out of 25 or 1/25) and multiply them. One over 25...times one over 25...times one over 25...equals 15,625. Divide this number into 1 and you find out that you would need to meet 640 THOUSAND PEOPLE to find ONE person who meets your THREE criteria! OH by the way....did I tell you that the ONE PERSON out of the 640 THOUSAND MIGHT NOT be a member of the sex you are looking for? OOPSIE! When you do the math it really becomes a sobering revelation...WHY finding the love of your life may only happen once in your life.... What are the odds of you finding the soulmate you seek? Well that depends on how many different criteria (variables) you are adding to your selection process. I feel another contributing factor if you stay or move on in a relationship is how others have treated you in the past. If you have been ogled often because of your physical attributes...it is hard not to become narcissistic and arrogant. I believe in the normal populace it is more common to see attractive women with men who are NOT at the woman's same level of attractiveness. Usually when one partner is much more attractive than the other person in the relationship....there is a mitigating factor involved. A wealthy man usually attracts beautiful women...the mitigating factor is his wealth. Grigory Rasputin (Russian mystic) was VERY ugly but he had many a beautiful lover. When Rasputin was killed by jealous Russian men...could the fact his 12 inch love member (which was cut off during the extended process it took to kill Rasputin) that was eventually retrieved from the floor by an old lover be a mitigating explanation for why Grigory had so many beautiful women? Bottom line...if you have found a deep and abiding love...count yourself blessed...you may have beaten odds in finding love...that are greater than winning the lottery.

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Myers-Briggs Personality Profile and Dating Posted: 3/9/2007 9:21:49 AM
The Myers Briggs was a LIBERATING eye-opener for me! The INFJ description pegged my personality so accurately I was astonished! The more I learned about the Myers Briggs or more specifically about the INFJ personality the more I began to understand that INFJ people march to a much different drummer than most folks and that helped me better accept my uniqueness in this world. About 1% of the population are INFJ'S however according to the INFJ website of the four different Myers Briggs types that each represent 1% of the population distribution (INFJ, INFP, INTJ, INTP) the INFJ'S are the rarest of the 1% cohort. In the Myers Briggs there are terms like "dominant function" and "auxiliary function" which are helpful when it comes to understanding individual behavior. The dominant and auxiliary functions are always taken from the two Myers Briggs inner categories. S/N and T/F. The E/I and J/P being the outer categories A dominant function is a function that an individual places the most value on when it comes to that individuals interacting with the world. There are four dominant function possibilities Sensing/iNtuition/Thinking/Feeling and these same letters are also the four auxiliary function possibilities. HUH? Look at it this way the Myers Briggs designation has four letters. In my case I am an INFJ The two inner letters (in my case the NF) of any of the 16 Myers Briggs types will ALWAYS be the indicators of the dominant and auxiliary functions of that particular four letter Myers Briggs combination. One of the most important aspects of knowing a person's dominant function is knowing that the "other function" in the SAME category grouping of the dominant function will be the LEAST developed. Did you get that profound concept? The LEAST DEVELOPED. For the sake of illustration let's suppose your dominant function is "Feeling" and you are dating a person whose dominant function is "Thinking" which is in the same category grouping (Thinking/Feeling). So your life's decisions as a dominant FEELER are guided by your heart and feelings...and you are dating someone whose life decisions as a dominant THINKER are guided by analysis and facts. You are polar opposites when it comes to making a decision...and polar opposites when it comes to compassion (compassion is feeling the other person's pain) RUT ROH! Being with someone whose least developed function (in this illustration "FEELINGS") happens to be your dominant function can be trouble in the making if you are not aware of that person's innate function difference. As a dominant FEELER you are emotion driven but the person you are dating (dominant THINKER) doesn't know what an emotion is! I share this information in the hopes that the understanding of differences in dominant functions can pave the way towards a better understanding of behavior. The question has been posed. What is the best pairing of Myers Briggs types. The answer may surprise you. The "best pairing" is not always based on being matched with similar Myers Briggs letters. THE CRITICAL ELEMENT when it comes to pairing up is how willing are you to accept the other person's letter differences. The co-author Isabel Briggs Myers of the book Gifts Differing had only one Myers Briggs letter in common with her husband. Yet she had a wonderful marriage because of her willingness to accept her husband's differences. One additional and very important thought when it comes to dominant and auxiliary functions. When you meet an extrovert...according to the book Gifts Differing you meet their "dominant" function personality traits. When you meet an introvert you meet their "auxiliary" function personality traits. My dominant function as an INFJ is "N" (INTUITION) my auxiliary function is "F" (FEELING). When someone interacts with me they may discern that I have a warm "feelings oriented" nature but unless they spend time with me that person may never discover the creative dominant function side of my "N" (INTUITION) personality. Bottom line...you may think you know an introvert...even after years of interaction with them...but unless that introvert has chosen to share their dominant function nature with you...you may not really know the person you think you know. Extroverts are different...what you experience when you meet an extrovert are their dominant function personality traits. It's the Introverts in life that harbor an undiscovered layer of dominant function personality traits...waiting to be discovered. A final thought about introverts...if you want to get an introvert to talk...find out what they are passionate about. Then ask questions that focus on their passions. The best way to draw an introvert out of their shell is to get them talking about their life passion/s. Pearl Seeker

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

The state of online dating Posted: 3/3/2007 7:54:27 AM
I once did a Social Psych report on the best way to meet someone. Mind you this was in 1988 when the internet was pregnant with possibilities. Back then my research revealed the best way to meet someone was through a "personal ad". Fast forward to present day and we now have the new and improved version of a personal ad: "internet dating"! First some sobering news...did you know that "the internet dating industry" accepts and acknowledges that 1 out of 4 "singles" on dating sites are actually married. Dating sites rarely care if you are married...they only care if you are generating the site income. Imagine! If you have every fourth person on a paid site with a HIGH probability of being married...one can't help but wonder: Why are married people posting on an internet dating site in the first place? The answers are numerous I am sure...my suspicion in regards to why married women are on singles sites is that they are looking for "a better something". Better looks, better money, better social standing, better sex, better communication. Most married men (if you poll the women on dating sites who have been hounded by them) are probably looking for one thing...better sex. If an accomplished man responds to an attractive woman...and does not get the time of day...I would be willing to bet that one out of four of the man's rejections are from a married woman who does not believe that what the man has to offer is better than what she already has. Women have a "numbers advantage" on almost every internet dating site. I forget which site does have more women than men...but I do know "THAT" site is more oriented towards making a long term connection and married men are obviously NOT interested in making a long term connection therefore married men would eschew a site that is marriage oriented hence the smaller number of men on THAT site. I could write a ton of additional info about the state of dating sites but being a newbie on POF I am a bit skittish in regards to moderator ire if what I write might be deemed not on topic...nuff said. OT: Is internet dating attitudes and actions a reflection of societal mores? If internet dating is replete with lies and deception...are the lies and deception a reflection of ONLY the online married cheaters or are the lies and deception a broader reflection of today's societal behavior? If quality singles are seeking...singles of quality...but are finding very few quality people...what does that say about the value of someone you might find on an internet dating site...who is a quality person? Where is Diogenes when you need him? ~MY BAD~

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 128 (view)

Hi AZ POF's!! Posted: 3/2/2007 8:38:25 PM
Greetings and salubrious salutations to the AZ fishes. My name is Lanny. I am a new minnow in the AZ pond so I imagine I will stay close to shore until my fins mature enough (from use) for me to venture into the deeper mingling waters where I imagine the majority of AZ fishes congregate. About me: I am a AZ native...who grew up on a farm outside of Goodyear...my kids are grown and live out of state. I am an atypical male...who was "once described" as "ineffable". Hmmmm...does that make my description an OXYMORON? Guess that is up for you to decide. Lanny

Pearl Seeker

Joined: 2/19/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

when is your birthday? Posted: 3/1/2007 2:46:29 PM
How about 9/11 for a birthday? Hmmm...It appears not many Virgos have read this forum...and subsequently answered the question. Gosh it appears I am the only Arizona Virgo in this birth date forum! YUP 9/11 is my birthday...OUCH!

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