Asking about Jail is an inappropriate question? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Asking about Jail is an inappropriate question?

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 85 (view)

Asking about Jail is an inappropriate question? Posted: 12/30/2008 6:16:17 AM
I do think this is a very inappropriate question. While some men may be open to this question it appears that the man you asked this of was obviously so insulted that no matter what you do he has written you off. He is being honest about his feelings. His lack of response speaks volumes! If a woman were to ask me that I would wonder if she had at some point had a relationship with an ex-con. I would then be very curious to know why she asked. In my experience I have found that the questions a person asks tell someting about them. Our behavior is a result of our experiences!

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 115 (view)

Why do women have sex and then complain about it? Posted: 12/22/2008 12:33:42 PM
Daisypetals - so very true! True for men also. It is a well known phenomenon that people who are fresh out of marriages or long term relationships engage in promiscuity. The equation involving sex, love and the genders is a complicated one and has as many nuances as there are people. Should a woman give a man "the prize" too soon he can view her as easy and will not marry her. Should a woman hold out too long then a man can feel he has to work too hard and will find a woman who is less work. There are women who see their value to men only as their bodies and expect a man to pay (dearly) for the prize. Should a man express too much interest in "the prize" too soon then he scares the woman off. Should he wait too long then he is viewed as there being something wrong with him or he does not like the woman. There are men who will pursue a woman only to attain "the prize" and then are gone. There are women who only want sex and not a relationship. It is ultimately a woman's choice as to which man she has sex with. It is women who ultimately control sex. My girlfriend and I have now been together for over 2 years and the sex is stil very, very good! I'm thankful that I was able to win her "prize". I continue to do what I can to maintain my access to her prize. Thanks sweetie!

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Should we open our marriage? Posted: 12/14/2008 5:41:30 AM
I've read through most of the replies to your posting. On one side of the coin I think it's not a good idea. If you're thinking of opening your marriage then it's possible that the marriage is in effect over. Marriage vows used to include (mine did anyway) a line about forsaking all others, did/does this not mean anything? Why not either concentrate on the marriage or get divorced, then you have the absolute freedom to have sex with whomever you want whenever you want and wherever you want. What if you went to a marriage counselor? On the other side of the coin grown adults can do anything they want as long as it's not illegal. If you and your spouse set the ground rules and can live with them and each other then so be it. Would each of you want to know the details of the sex between your spouse and someone else? Would you even want to know? Would you tell is they asked? What happens when jealousy and possessiveness rear their ugly heads? What happens when one party no longer likes or wants this open marriage? In my opinion is an open marriage really a marriage at all?

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 128 (view)

cheated on...second chance's? Posted: 3/5/2008 8:42:21 AM
This a really tough one! Some posters say "Once a cheater always a cheater" there is some truth to this. However people do have the capacity to change. Some posters say to look at the circumstances and what is going on in the relationship. Does this mean that depending on the circumstances the cheating may be justified? I think not. If one is unhappy then leave, don't cheat. Can you ever really trust her again? That's a tough question. While there are those who say yes. I wonder. One poster said how will you be able to get images of her with him out of your head. Good question. Can you? While we all can offer our opinions and advice the bottom line is it's your life and only you can live it. The only person in this world that you live with your whole life is YOU. If one day you find you just cannot live with it anymore then leave and don't look back.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Does physical intimacy deter knowing eachother well Posted: 12/5/2007 7:51:22 AM
I agree with prevous posters that sex too soon can be a problem. Sex and passion can fade over time however true friendship can last a lifetime. Therefore the odds of a relationship lasting a lifetime are better if the parties are friends first. Once sex has taken place you can't take it back. Friendship first is a good foundation.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Dating after breaking up... Posted: 11/16/2007 7:53:28 AM
"The girl will come back, I am sure, but only as a friend. That's the reality. " That's the crux of it right there. Therefore there is no sense in trying again. It's normal to think about a recent ex. However if it interferes with your current dating then you're not ready. Although you can only ponder it for so long then you have to move on.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

The thought of her sleeping with this new man is horrible!!! Posted: 10/11/2007 1:44:21 PM
Quite a few posters have given you sound advice to move on. The only thing I feel I can add is it seems to me like your ex wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to see someone else yet gets upet when you say you're not sure you'll talk to her. She can't have it both ways. You are entitled to your feelings. If you don't want to talk to her don't, simple. She made the decision to leave you and she has to live with that. Yes she may regret it but all you can do is take care of yourself and whether or not she comes back remains to be seen. My advice to you is to be a gentleman. If she calls take the call, be civil, polite, exercise good manners and common decency at a minimum. You do not have to be friendly if you do not want to be. In the meantime I suggest you keep dating and seeing other girls. Have fun!

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

Damned if you do Damned if you don't Posted: 9/27/2007 8:44:36 AM
Here's some food for thought. There are men out there who want to wait until they are comfortable with a woman before they have sex. Because women are used to men who want sex quickly the guys who want to wait are sometimes seen as if there is somethingwrong with them or the woman sees this as he not having any interest in her. There are two sides to every coin.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

Why do women who show cleavage get upset when a guy stares at their breasts? Posted: 9/27/2007 8:37:47 AM
Looking's free. Women know that men look at their breats. As far as I am concerned there is nothing wrong with looking at a woman's breasts. There's the whole gamut from a passing glance, an admiring look to downright oogling and leering. It depends on so many things; the woman's frame of mind or mood, the man's look and what she reads into it etc. I have seen first hand where one man will look at a woman's breasts and she will give him a look as if to say "What are you looking at" and another man will look and the woman will smile. What does that say? It says to me that she is using her breast as an advertisment. She will therefore dissuade a guy she is not interested from going any further while inviting a guy she is interested in to go further. Oh what adult games we play!

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

cheating or not??? Posted: 9/27/2007 8:25:05 AM
There are two things here. First. How did you find the receipt? Were you snooping or was it innocent? If you were snooping then that is wrong and you got what you deserved. If it was innocent then that's another thing. Second. There's no doubt he lied to you about going home to bed. Therefore was he with another woman or was he out with a male friend. He could very well have been out with another woman, as a friend, and thought you would not approve therefore he lied to avoid a situation. It's also possible he was out with a male friend and just wanted some space and lied to avoid a situation. There are so many possibilities here. You have a choice to let it go or pursue it and let the chips fall where they may.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Tell me the answer I probably already know. Posted: 9/25/2007 2:49:00 PM
"Getting married next summer, school, work full time. Things are finally great." Either she's playing a game to get you back or it's real. In any case my advice would be to just say "Congratulations on getting married and good luck with school and the job." Don't waste your time for there are more fish in the sea.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

Would you be with someone who cant have children? Posted: 9/25/2007 2:41:04 PM
Let me give you the other side of the coin. When I was in my twenties I dated an older woman who already had a child but could not have any more. This woman fell in love with me and wanted to marry me. Unfortunately I wanted children and therefore was straight up with her and told her so. Needless to say the relatinship was effectively over. We were straight with each other and although it was tough we respected each other. There's nothing wrong with someone who cannot have children dating someone who wants children. However eventually it will be an issue. Life's not fair however you are doing the right thing by telling them you can't have children. There are men out there who do not want children or who will claim your child as their own or who will want to adopt instead. Keep looking and I'm sure you'll find one of those.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

My GF slept with her Ex-Husband Posted: 9/25/2007 2:18:52 PM
Tough situation! Fact: As men we can never know if the child is ours until after it is born. No matter what the woman says. My humble advice would be to play it cool, don't commit to anything and see whose child it is. Therefore in my opinion I would back away and wait until the child is born. If it's his then chalk it up to experience and never put yourself in that situation again. If the child is yours then that's a different thing altogether. She may want to leave her husband and be with you or she may want to pass the child off as his. Good luck!

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 106 (view)

Do you like taking Showers or baths with your lovers ? Posted: 9/21/2007 1:24:02 PM
As a matter of fact I do. Showering together can be part of foreplay and intimacy. It can be quite nice to lather each other up and take it from there! Of this is one of the first things to go in a relationship once the romance starts to fade. I wonder when was the last time a couple living together or married, say more than a year or two, had a shower together? Just curious.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

im worse than a player ???? Posted: 8/10/2007 5:44:19 AM
I don't think you're crazy. Relationships are an extremely complex dynamic. We can analyze for ever and not come up with an answer. The women cheating on you is possibly because you have been subconsciously choosing a particular type of woman or attracting a particular type of wman. Both men and women cheat. In fact my ex-wife cheated on me. I blamed myself for years then eventually came to the realization that is wasn't my fault. She owned the problem. My advice to you on this one would be to be more cautious and be alert to signs of cheating. Since my marriage ended I've done a lot of reading, talking to people, observing people and trying to learn. Physical abuse is wrong whichever gender is the perpetrator. I'm going to generalize here. One of the things that I have come to realize is that men have greater physical strength than women and women have greater emotional strength than women. I've noticed that women tend to push emotionally and a lot of guys don't have the depth or strength to withstand or deal with this. Eventually something called "flooding" happens. This is when the emotions and stress run so high that the thinking parts of our brain (cerebral cortex) are short circuited by the prehistoric parts of the brain at the top of the brain stem, we share these with even reptiles. I belive the first place I read this was in a book entitled Emotional Inteligence by Daniel Goleman. As men we are taught to never hit a woman. The laws regarding violence put a lid on the abuse of physical power however there is nothing that puts a lid on emotional power. I think the challenge is for women to realize their power and control it and for men to know when they are about to flood. Both parties would then need to take a time out otherwise things may get out of hand. Personally I have NEVER hit a woman and would never! One female poster alluded to the fact that women find a man attractive if they see another woman with him. Very true. I've observed this and she's right it is how female competition is displayed. She may not really want the guy but would want to see if she could get him. Male competition is a bunch of guys after the same woman. Interesting difference indeed! I may take a lot of flack for what I just posted but it's only my humble opinion. To sum it all up my advice to the OP is to play it cool, be calm, think about the situation or woman and try to change your patterns in the women you choose.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

Whats with women that invite their dogs into the bedroom to sleep? Posted: 8/8/2007 8:01:42 AM
I went out with this one woman who lived with a cat and dog. The dog used to sleep in the bed with her when I was not there. However when I slept over the dog used to sleep on the floor beside me and it almost felt like the dog was jealous of me because it was always staring at me! Creepy!

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya???? Posted: 7/24/2007 6:42:27 AM
Like other posters I see all kinds of red flags with this situation! His request could be indicative of the type of person who makes sometimes requests that are so unreasonable that one cannot possibly comply which they then use as grounds for breaking up. Maybe he really doesn't want to get married? What if she did lose the weight they got married and she put the weight back on? Would he then not want her anymore? He's not prepared to get an annullment? That doesn't sound like he really wants to get married now does it? Has she made any requests of him of the magnitude that he is asking of her? It could be interesting to see how he reacts if she does! I'm not a doctor but I don't believe diet pills are the way to go. I've heard great things about Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig etc. Those places look at the whole package such as making healthy food choices, exercise etc so that it become a lifestyle change and the chances are much better that one keeps the weight off. To pressure a woman into losing weight by dangling an engagement ring in front of her is in my opinion wrong.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Question for the women regarding sharing your fantasies Posted: 7/13/2007 9:14:00 AM
We all have fantasies. It's quite the minefield though. Do we feel our fantasies are normal/abnormal? Do we feel comfortable with sharing our fantisies with our partners? Will they embrace/share our fantasies or will they reject/dismiss them and we then feel rejected? Sometimes it's easier to share fantasies with friends because then we don't risk rejection. IMO if we are in an intimate relationship where there is a good comfort level, mutual respect, honesty and communication then we should be able to share our fantasies. Our partner may not share all of our fantasies but may share some and be willing to fulfill those that we share and possibly may even be willing to fulfill those which they do not share simply because they want to please us.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 184 (view)

Have you seen your EX recently? Posted: 7/13/2007 8:40:46 AM
I see my ex wife regularly when I pick up and drop off my kids. We've been apart for more than 8 years and at first it was very difficult as the split was ugly. Now things have lightened up enough that I am actually allowed into her house and will sit in the living room and talk her and the kids. Interestingly enough in that time she has asked me 3 times for a reconciliation and I've turned her down every time! It's even more interesting because it was she who initiated the split. Maybe because she realized what she had and will never have again. Is it difficult to see her now? Absolutely not! We will never be friends however we are civil and cordial towards each other. We are stuck with each other because we have children together. I must admit though that I am looking forward to the day when the kids are no longer living with her and I no longer have to see her regularly.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

dating your best friends ex Posted: 6/25/2007 9:03:30 AM
Interesting scenario. Yes I agree with some posters that it is an unwritten rule with us guys that we will never date a friend's ex. However I did date a best friend's ex once. My friend and I had been very good friends for about 15 years with a rapport and communication that was a meeting of the minds. I truly liked his ex and because of the unwritten rule did not want to jeopardize our friendship. What a dilemma! I finally said to myself that the only thing I could do was to talk it over with my friend and take it from there. He had no problem with it for their breakup had been pretty ugly. I eventually had a relationship with his ex. The problem I encoutered was that she was rather manipulative and tried to destroy our friendship by telling me some pretty nasty things about him. Eventually I told her straight up that no matter what she tries she will not destroy our friendship. Of course she denied it, but she stopped! She and I eventually split up and my friend and I are still the best of friends! Maybe I was lucky or maybe it was a testament to the strength of our friendship. We don't get to choose our family but we do get to choose our friends and if the friendship is strong it will survive for partners may come and go but true friends will always be there! So the questions I have for you are; - How strong is your friendship? - How much do you like this woman? - Are you willing to run the risk of destroying a friendship over a woman? Good luck.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Need Advice... Posted: 6/22/2007 5:53:23 AM
Mandyluv and Spazz I empathize with you both. I was married for 8 years and my wife left me for another man. I had absolutely no idea this was imminent. In fact I came home one night and she announced that she was leaving NOW. Needless to say I was stunned and speechless! The split was very ugly to say the least. It's been 8 years and I can still remember in exact detail the events of that night. However there's no more pain. It takes a while but you will get over it and move on. What really helped was that I knew I had done my best and I knew I deserved better. The irony is that she's asked me for a reconciliation THREE TIMES and I've turned her down THREE TIMES! Good luck to you both.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Why do women slam the door shut so quickly? Posted: 6/17/2007 7:57:36 PM
Welcome to internet dating in the 21st century. I've had this happen to me and the way to look at it is she owns the problem. You could attribute it to a lack of common courtesy, basic manners or sheer cowardice. My two cents says chalk it up to experience, let it go and don't let it discourage you. Good luck.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

As a guy, I find it offensive... Posted: 6/5/2007 2:22:35 PM
Interesting. It certainly is a question one asks as a "get to know you" thing. I once read somewhere that a woman should never ask a man how much he makes and a man should never ask a woman how much she weighs! From a man's perspective traditionally we have been seen as the provider/bring home the bacon/meal ticket so being asked how much we make can make a woman come across as a gold digger etc. From a woman's perspective men can be seen as only after one thing and hence the weight question can be seen as not wanting her for anything else. I've never asked a woman how much she weighs however I have been asked by MANY women what I do for a living (I'm a professional) and when I have told them I've seen the difference in their eyes! Makes me wonder sometimes.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

To all bi-racial individuals... Posted: 5/25/2007 10:02:28 AM
I'm bi-racial (black/white) and I don't have a preference at all. Chemistry and the qualities I like in a woman are not unique to one particular race. Chemistry between a man and a woman is definitely ineffable. There either is chemistry or there isn't! Qualities one likes in a partner is a very personal thing and runs the whole gamut from the physical characteristics to spirituality to sense of humour to libido etc etc. Whatever qualities one likes in a partner are not limited to one race. If one limits oneself to one race doesn't that greatly reduce the chances of finding life partner?

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

intimacy with friends Posted: 5/17/2007 4:50:51 AM
It is possible for an intimate relationship to change to platonic. It requires a certain amount of maturity and also very much depends on how it ended. Remaining friends with an ex is a very touchy subject for new partners can and do feel threatened. There's that saying "Old flames are easily rekindled" so unless the new partner is convinced that there are no smoldering ashes to be rekindled then it could be a source of tension. If the two of you have not flipped that switch and are still sexually involved ie. FWB? Then both of you will not really be in a position to give a new relationship your all.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Reformed BadGurls Posted: 5/13/2007 2:25:04 PM
Define bad girl so we all know what we are talking about.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

euthanasia Posted: 5/13/2007 2:22:58 PM
I believe in euthanasia. Of course there are a multitude of ethical, moral, legal and spiritual considerations to say the least. 20 years ago I had a close relative who was dying of cancer. There was no hope. She asked me if I would and I said yes. My reasoning was that it was her choice and who was I to refuse? Needless to say other family members created an uproar and eventually she passed away after suffering for 9 months. I someone close to me asked me again, would I. I would have to think long and hard.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 109 (view)

Why did he hurt me? Posted: 5/8/2007 6:22:56 AM
This type of behavior is not gender specific. My marriage dissolved 8 years ago and in that time I have lost count of the number of women who simply stopped returning my phone calls or emails. Why? Who knows? I used to take it personally and agonize over it. Wondering if it was something I said or did or even didn't say or didn't do used to haunt me. Eventually I learnt to let it go by saying to myself, let them own the problem whether it be lack of basic manners, lack of common courtesy or sheer cowardice. To those few women who did communicate with me and not just disappear I thanked them, let them know I appreciated it, that there were no hard feelings and wished them well. Thankfully I didn't paint all women with the same brush. I kept my faith that there were good women out there who did have manners, courtesy and courage. I kept fishing and found my sweetie.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

would your past reflect your future? Posted: 5/7/2007 6:59:14 AM
Most if not all of us have all done things in our past that we are not proud of, regret were just plain stupid. There is this mantra that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour however as human beings we all have the capacity to change. Who was it who said "Youth is so wasted on the young"? The key is whether or not we recognize the folly of what we did and if we learnt anything from it. Without this we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past. Yes there appear to be inconsistencies however the OP is obviously thinking about this and that's a very good thing. It's a good sign.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

My dilemma with party girl Posted: 5/7/2007 6:30:51 AM
I have to agree with the majority. Listen to all the red flags! One poster said to read what you wrote from an outsider's perspective - I think your answer lies there. I've been in ths situation before and it's not a good scene. I decided to back off and not have a relationship but instead engage in a platonic friendship. The result was that I ended up being treated as a confidant. I think the draw was that I behaved in a way that was different in that the other guys would be all over her but I appeared to be either not interested or interested but not do anything about it. In retrospect I think curiosity was piqued. One poster said that (some) people do grow out of this type of behaviour. I agree. However, assuming she will grow out of it or tire of it, there is absolutely no way to predict how long it will take her. Are you prepared to wait her out? The post saying play along and do her then it will make her see the folly of her ways I don't agree with. For you to do this she will only see you as one of the rest. For you to put it on the table, be a gentleman, handle the situation with class and keep it platonic would be my advice.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Knowing when it's right Posted: 4/19/2007 12:09:43 PM
I could not have said it better myself! Like other posters I liked the part about keeping both eyes open before and closing one eye after! Following the dissolution of my marriage I did an incredible amount of introspection, reading, learning and observation. The things you talked about in the article are pivotal to the success of any long term relationship. Hence I was determined that my future mate would share these with me. I truly believe I have finally found the woman with whom I can share the rest of my life with. We mesh in a way which I have described as "inextricably entwined". My partner and I are both on the same page regarding the things you talked about. We both recognize that while the love we have for each other is great it is only a start, a good basis upon which the relationship, with hard work will survive and prosper. It's a real shame that the contents of the article couldn't be a part of some high school/college/university curriculum or certainly in mandatory pre-marital counseling sessions! Maybe then there would be more long term successful marriages, fewer divorces and consequently fewer children from broken homes and/or dysfunctional families!

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 215 (view)

The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife? Posted: 4/12/2007 1:08:04 PM
WOW! Never in the 8 years that I was married did I have an affair! While I had opportunities I NEVER acted on them. There are married men out there who are faithful to their wives. The irony of it is that it was my wife who had the affair that led to the demise of the marriage. The only person to blame is the married person. Temptation is all around and there are men/women who prey on married women/men. It is up to the married man/woman to remain faithful. Gardennut's got it right! Kassey how would you feel if your partner did that to you?

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

take off favourites list? Posted: 4/4/2007 1:26:49 PM
karibabes - I think you captured it very well when you said he may have felt ambushed. OP - I think it may have been better if somehow he had been given some notice of even a possibility that you might show up. Chalk it up to experience. If he's interested then he'll make the next move. Please don't drive yourself crazy

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

What does it take to keep a women ? Posted: 4/3/2007 6:33:38 AM
Being a little older and having been around the block a few times it's a little clearer for me. Is the question What does it take to keep a woman? or should it be What does it take to make a woman stay with you? I see it as a combination of complement and supplement. Complement being the similarities and supplement being the differences. The balance of these two things is what makes a relationship work. OP - eventually you will find someone. I firmly believe that each and every one of us deserves someone and there is someone out there for each and every one of us.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Intimidated by Tall Ladies? Posted: 4/1/2007 1:44:53 PM
There's a current thread entitled "Do short guys stand a chance" which gives for good reading. I posted stating that as a guy who is only 5ft 8in I've dated women both shorter and taller than myself. In my experience it's mainly the tall women who have a problem dating men shorter than themselves. Check out the thread.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 85 (view)

For all the soccer fans? Posted: 3/27/2007 10:53:44 AM
Personally I feel football (or soccer if you will) is the greatest game in the world. I do know it is played by more people in more countries than any other sport in the world. I played it for 30 years. I love the game and everything about it. I even have Pele's autograph! In terms of which league has the best players or the best game? I've watched a few leagues including English, Italian and German. Also I've been to a World Cup game. There seems to be a particular style associated with each league. I find the English to push it more, the Germans to play more of a possession game, the Italians somewher in between and the Brasilians to keep the ball too long! I find it interesting when it comes to the World Cup. A lot of the players who may have played on the same team in league play are now playing against each other for their respective countries. Playing for national honour is something that no amount of money can replace. One thing I don't like is the unsporsmanlike behaviour that sometimes creeps onto the field. Let the play and the goals speak rather than the foul play! I am looking forward to the next World Cup in South Africa. If the trend from the last one continues, where the level of play has been more level and teams which have not made it very far are now into the quarters and semis, then we should have a very exciting World Cup 2010! Just my humble opinion guys!

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 373 (view)

Is oral sex cheating? Posted: 3/25/2007 8:43:03 AM
I haven't read in detail every post in this thread however I did scan through a few. For me oral sex is by definition a form of sex and therefore I consider it cheating. I would certainly not give it or receive it other than with my girlfriend and if I were to find out she had either given it or received it then I would bail. However the others no doubt will see it differently based on their beliefs and of course the relationship they are in. In a serious committed relationship I would think so. What if it's an "open" relationship (whatever that means?). What about a FWB or FB relationship where there is no exclusivity, is it cheating? Maybe not. In a marriage I would think so.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

help me advise needed Posted: 3/24/2007 10:48:58 AM
There have been some good points raised by posters since my first post. This really is a sensitive issue. One poster raised the issue of allowing the children and the SO time to get to know each other before the couple start living together. Good point! Personally I think this would be a must and of course how it is handled depends on the age of the children. Another poster raised the issue about the children being hurt if the relationship dissolves. One way to deal with this is for the adults to allow the children to still remain in contact with the former SO. Of course this depends on the age of the children and whether the parties remain civil/amicable etc.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

help me advise needed Posted: 3/24/2007 6:21:52 AM
Joanna - As a divorced father of two children a part of me can understand where your boyfriend is coming from. My wife and I split up almost 8 years ago and in that time I have been very cautious when it comes to my children meeting and/or being around my girlfriends. It's not that I thought any of the women would harm my children but more along the lines of wanting to show them a good role model. I wanted my children to know that I took relationships seriously, respected women and did not engage in casual sex. Is it possible that your boyfriend could be thinking along these lines? It is a possibility to consider.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

Posting about your disability in your profile? Posted: 3/13/2007 9:05:54 PM
This is interesting. If one lists their disability in a profile then it's up front and only those people to whom the disability is not a deal-breaker will respond. However if one waits to divulge the disability after a relationship has started to "bud" then there is the possibility of rejection. Tough call! Personally I have dated women with disabilities and in all cases they told me sooner rather than later, on average after 1 or 2 dates. I think this was prudent as 1 or 2 dates is still the "getting to know each other" stage. In all cases I made sure to let them know I appreciated their honesty. Consequently this left me with 2 options; 1) To continue dating and see where it goes. In other words the disability wasn't a "deal breaker". 2) Let her know that it is a "deal breaker" for a serious relationship however there's no reason we can't be friends. In any case it is delicate.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Would you continue to date someone who doesnt call when they said they would? Posted: 3/13/2007 8:43:23 PM
Beyond the lack of basic manners and common courtesy there may be someone else in the picture. I'd cut my losses right there.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Please help, I'm clueless... Posted: 3/13/2007 8:08:20 PM
Interesting situation. As one poster said he may have rethought it and time may have made it milder. In which case he may now be ready to reconnect. On the other hand he may be feeling guilty and want to address that. In any case you won't know unless you give it some time. My suggestion would be to proceed cautiously and eventually ask him about it. Good luck.

thissme

Joined: 2/20/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

First time sex with a new partner Posted: 3/13/2007 8:01:03 PM
I have a theory. I think men view sex as a way of getting closer to women and women view sex as a result of being close to a man. By getting close one could interpret that as "connection". Of course this is a gross generalization. There is a whole spectrum out there. For example there are the men/women who are only after sex and the other end would be the men/women who only see sex within the confines of a relationship. As for the rock star/bad boy thing yes there are women who are attracted to them and the other side of the coin are those men who are attracted to the equivalent women. I think this is an excitement thing. Just my opinion.

Show ALL Forums