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Thread: I am a little concerned, help!

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

I am a little concerned, help! Posted: 4/3/2009 12:37:36 PM
You wouldn't want someone who would get offended about you being a good parent to hold your son. It is your job to protect him and that is exactly what you are doing when you voice it that you don't want him to be held. I remember when I went into a doctors office one time with my daughter and my then infant son. Some lady that was in there offered to hold my son for me while I was at the desk. I said no thank you, I can handle it. Some people just don't get it and it is perfectly acceptable to say no.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 112 (view)

why should the type of job u do matter? Posted: 4/2/2009 12:50:17 PM
"An abbatoir is a meat factory. Its where the animals go (cattle, pigs, sheep and poultry) to be killed and cut up to be sent out to butchers (or sent out as whole), supermarkets and other shops. " Maybe she is a vegetarian and couldn't stand the thought of those poor animals.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 67 (view)

Boyfriend Verus Dad Posted: 3/23/2009 9:37:39 AM
Wow! Does your girlfriend know that you consider her "damaged goods"?

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 62 (view)

Boyfriend Verus Dad Posted: 3/20/2009 2:11:24 PM
You should not be telling them anything negative about their father. They will figure it out on their own and if you do that you will only alienate them more. I would rather my kids go thru life thinking their Dad is a hero to them, than for them to someday find out just how bad he is. I want to protect them from that knowledge, but I am sure that some day they will see it. As far as their contempt for you and their mother, you need to try your best to back her up on the way she handles it, but it is not your job to try to handle it yourself. Good luck!

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

Should I let my ex husband see our daughter even though he doesn't help at all? Posted: 3/6/2009 12:32:44 PM
I think you should let him see her, however, you should not be required to meet him half way. If he isn't assisting financially, then the least he should do is drive the whole way to get her.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Wonderful child care provider but........boundaries? Posted: 3/6/2009 12:29:57 PM
I agree with Navigator, I think you are over reacting a bit. If this is the worse thing that your daycare does, then you are doing good. Be happy that he is getting the love and attention that he needs.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Dumbest Question Known to Man Posted: 2/16/2009 2:51:58 PM
This reminds me of an episode of Sienfeld. Cramer decided it would be easier to do everything in the shower, including washing the dishes! Sorry - couldn't help it. You have had lots of good suggestions so far OP.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 40 (view)

Would You Ask This ? ? ? ? ? Posted: 2/11/2009 1:32:59 PM
It might be that she could have something special planned for a particular weekend that she wanted you involved....however, the more appropriate request might have been to ask if you might be able to work something out with your ex to switch a weekend around so you could do whatever it is that she wanted. If she wanted for you to just skip because she didn't want to be around your kids then she can hit the road. All depends on her reason.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Daughter (7) is being bullied...cant believe it is starting already Posted: 2/10/2009 9:53:34 AM
Freetime - your explanation makes a little more sense. Your previous post just sounded so cold-hearted. I don't necessarily agree with you 100% on everything you said, but most of it I do. Thanks for clarifying!

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Daughter (7) is being bullied...cant believe it is starting already Posted: 2/10/2009 8:25:10 AM
"My girls know better then to bring me problems like this because I will make fun of them if they do, so they work it out on there own. Kids need to learn to work this kind of stuff out with out mom or dad. " WOW! How insenstive! I sure hope your girls don't make the mistake of not coming to you some day for a really big problem because they are afraid you will make fun of them. That is sooooo sad. OT.....OP, I think you are doing a great job of getting involved with your daughter and helping her. Sometimes problems like these don't go away over night and it will take her a while to understand that it isn't worth it to try to make friends with a child that doesn't want to be her friend. As long as you keep talking to her and keep involved with the school eventually it will work out. I know it is difficult to watch your child get hurt over and over again, but you can only have so much control. I would encourage you to try to get her into a seperate classroom from this girl next year. Good Luck!

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 110 (view)

Woman who gave birth to octuplets already has six young children Posted: 2/9/2009 2:01:28 PM
I read on one article that she said she holds each child 45 minutes per day.....ok, if she was going to give each child 45 minutes a day x 14....that is 10.5 hours a day....how the heck would she have time to finish her masters degree, much less take care of all 14 kids? stupid, stupid, stupid - that is what I think

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

When do I let my child's father know? Posted: 2/5/2009 8:53:15 AM
You are not obligated to ever say anying to him. I am sure if he comes to pickup/drop off your kid and this guy is around a lot he will figure it out without you saying anything. He could find out by him noticing a wedding ring on your finger. And there is nothing he could do about it. Obviously he didn't have the decency to inform you of this other woman before he started with her, so why should you?

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

If you're 30's and finished having children, will that limit your dating options? Posted: 2/5/2009 8:45:07 AM
I think your friend is correct, but that doesn't mean that you HAVE to have another child just to widen your dating pool. It doesn't mean that there are not some men in your age group who has the same mind set as you. Question 1: Yes, of course it will be more limited because there are bound to be some men who still want kids. Question 2: Yes

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

The other woman watching the kids Posted: 1/27/2009 1:27:02 PM
As much as I can appreciate your aggrevation with your ex, I have to say that maybe your initial reaction could have been a little better and he probably wouldn't have went so far off the deep end.... "My response was fine, but if she lays a hand on my child, or if my daughter calls with any problems there will be hell to pay." When someone gets a response like that then they will definitely be on the defensive. You maybe could have said, "You know, I am really not comfortable with this particular person watching our daughter. I would be willing to switch times with you so we can avoid that." Or you could have said, "I have my doubts about how well this woman can watch our daughter. I will be available for our daughter to call us any time if she needs anything. We will see how it goes, but if it doesn't go well, then I would appreciate it if you don't leave her in her care again." Anyway the point is that you might get further if you don't go at things in such a negative and demanding way. Good Luck!

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 74 (view)

3 different dads/moms? Posted: 1/21/2009 2:17:32 PM
I would have to hear the person's situation out before I would pass judgement or run. I would have to know the reasons behind the 3 kids/3 mothers before I could make an informed decision. There are so many variables that it would be impossible to say yes or no either way. I don't know any men who have three children by three different women, but I do know a few women who have three kids by three different men....and I can tell you - those women are worthless.... One got pregnant at 15 to keep a boyfriend, then wasn't responsible enough to take birthcontrol after that and had another child with a different guy, then slept around on the second guy and got pregnant from that guy. She was one of those people that you couldn't even tell she was pregnant if she wore baggy clothes so she hide the third pregnancy from everyone and went to the hospital to give birth with every intention of never telling a soul and giving the child over to the dad....but oddly enough a cousin was at the hospital having a baby on the same day....she has never held a job more than a week, keeps an extremely disgusting house, and sucks at parenting.... The other has been fired from jobs for stealing, is on drugs, and has been in prison....3 kids/3 dads.... so....in these cases I would run for the hills men!!!

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Helping 16-18 year olds to study for their exams? Posted: 1/21/2009 11:19:41 AM
I guess I would have to ask if she holds their hands in other areas of their lives? Unless the mother is actually doing their homework for them, then I guess I don't see it any differently than the kids have an in-house study partner. She doesn't go take the test for them I would assume. Do the kids seem to be totally dependent on their mother? I would think they would learn to adjust to studying on their own after their mother is not there to help. Some parents get criticized for not helping their kids enough and then some get criticized for helping them too much....a parent seems to not be able to do the right thing no matter what, there is always someone there judging their every move.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

How much is enough?? Posted: 1/13/2009 8:15:05 AM
Your number one priority is the safety and well-being of your children. My only suggestion is that you could tell your boyfriend that you and your children will not be around his son until he takes control of the situation and there are major changes. If he says there is nothing he can do, then move on. Your children don't deserve to be forced into putting up with it.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Is it a choking hazard or not? Posted: 1/8/2009 11:18:33 AM
Yes, I did check to see about the hotdogs and the daycare does not feed the kids hard candy, neither do I. I guess one of the reasons I am very leary of this is because my daughter, who is now 6, choked very badly on a chip once when she was little and it was an extremely scary incident. Another reason is because my son is very small for his age. He is a year old and usually people think he is only about 7 months old. He is healthy, and is on target developmentally, but in size he is very small. He only has one tooth so he doesn't have much to chew with.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

late child support Posted: 1/7/2009 2:55:45 PM
Wow, it is unbelievable how many people are blowing this simple question way out of proportion....she is not saying that she doesn't want her child, or that she has regrets about her child. This is a question about if she should do anything about her ex being late on his monthly payment, that he is legally obligated to pay every month. For those of you who say, well, that money is for the child and so you should put it in the savings account and leave it alone...yes, that is great if you are able or want to do that, but the fact is that the money is to help offset the cost of raising the child...daily costs....it is not "spending" money for the child. I agree with not depending on the money but regardless of whether she depends on it or not, he needs to pay it.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Is it a choking hazard or not? Posted: 1/7/2009 7:08:46 AM
I see everyone's point. I guess it is just a matter of opinion on this. I have seen lots of articles saying that chips should not be given. Even in high school health classes they are taught that chips should not be given to kids under the age of 5...but I guess that doesn't keep some people from doing it. My son has his 1 year check up tomorrow. I think I will just ask my pediatrician what her opinion is and then go off of that. So, since everyone is talking about nutritional value, etc. Can you guys give me some ideas for different snacks that the daycare could give that would be nutritional. The Director and I talked about trying to come up with some different ideas for snack time and I would love to hear some ideas. Thanks for responding!!!!

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Is it a choking hazard or not? Posted: 1/6/2009 2:13:29 PM
Yes, hooked, everything CAN be a choking hazard, even a child's own spit...but that doesn't mean that we need to tempt the posibility of our children dying from something that should be pretty obvious. A child could cut themselves with a piece of paper, but that doesn't mean I am going to give them a knife. I am not trying to be sarcastic or rude, just stating my opinion.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Is it a choking hazard or not? Posted: 1/6/2009 1:13:39 PM
I did a thread search and couldn't find anything on this.... I found out last night that the daycare that I take my children to have been feeding the 1 to 2 year olds Sun Chips for a snack. They said they crush them up so they won't choke on them. It was my understanding that crushed or not, chips are a choking hazard for children under the age of 5. When I talked to the Center Director about this she said the menu had been approved by their nutritionist and she didn't have a problem with them giving Sun Chips. Can someone give me some insight into this? Thanks!

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

late child support Posted: 1/6/2009 1:00:26 PM
I would just be happy that he pays it at all. What you might want to consider doing - depending on how comfortable you are with it - you could call him the day before it is due and just say, "The support payment is due tomorrow, did you get it in the mail yet?" When he says no, ask him when it will be in the mail or say, "Please get it in the mail by tomorrow. Thanks"

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22? Posted: 1/2/2009 7:59:45 AM
I don't really see what your point is. Thing is - there are just as many young single fathers out there....

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

I just can't stand being around your child Posted: 1/2/2009 7:55:36 AM
He acts like that and he is 10 years old? My 5 year old doesn't even act like that. I can see where you would have a lot of problems with being around him. I think you are going to just have to be brutally honest. It doesn't sound like it is a very enjoyable friendship anyway. I would cut your losses and move on. Good luck.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

Was I wrong? Posted: 12/26/2008 12:55:06 PM
You are not wrong in not wanting this man to disipline your child, however, you were wrong for bringing him into your daughters life so quickly and then to not kick him to the curb the first time he was innapropriate with his interactions. MOVE ON! (and hope this man was just misguided in his thinking, instead of a total nut-job who could become a stalker - or worse).

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

Found out about his girlfriend from my kids! Posted: 12/16/2008 2:51:55 PM
I have to agree with most here and say that it isn't any of your business as long as the kids are being well taken care of. I am guessing here but your daughter was probably crying over the younger telling the "chick" that he loves her because she is seeing how you are reacting. She probably thinks this is hurting your feelings and that is why it bothers her. Maybe you should try to play it off more that it doesn't bother you and then it won't bother her as much. JMHO.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

BEBE KIDS (BAD CHILDREN) Posted: 9/29/2008 9:13:02 AM
This is not a case of "bad children", this is a case of "bad parenting"....there is a HUGE difference.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 52 (view)

I just found out my son is friends with me ex's new boyfriend? Posted: 8/29/2008 2:04:26 PM
No, you do not have a right to be upset. Sorry. It is none of your business. As long as she is not introducing a new man every week then there really isn't anything wrong with your son meeting her "friend". Unless I am wrong it seemed by your post that this is the first time this has happened.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 49 (view)

Toilet Seat up Posted: 4/23/2008 12:04:39 PM
hahaha! If there is a big sister make sure you let her know also! My daughter sat down to potty the other day and was really disgusted when she sat in pee :) Believe it or not it is a good thing for him to learn....just continually remind him to lift and put the lids down, he will eventually get it.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 50 (view)

StepChild Posted: 4/23/2008 6:45:27 AM
My personal opinion is that he should introduce them as follows... "This is my wife, (name), my step-daughter, (name) and my daughter, (name)." I think it would be appropriate to introduce the children in order of age.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

He told me his ex gf was hot. Posted: 4/22/2008 12:17:55 PM
RED FLAG!!!! RED FLAG!!!! 1) He is calling you when he is drunk (after only knowing you three weeks)...soooo he might have a drinking problem. 2) He tells you that his ex girlfriend is hot hot....sooo he is thinking about how sexy his ex girlfriend is and that is never a good sign. Cut your losses and get out of it.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Lying Posted: 4/22/2008 11:45:47 AM
You need to let your ex deal with the possibility of her lying. It would make you and him feel pretty bad if you talked to your kids about it before getting proof and then she did end up being pregnant. It would probably send a bad message to your kids. Your ex needs to take responsibility and find out for sure. I am sorry but it seems like every thread that you start has to do with your ex and his girlfriend and the things that are their business. I would stop worrying about their actions and just take the best care of your kids you can without trying to control what your ex is doing. Believe it or not you can do that. I hope you don't get offended by my post...I am just giving my opinion and you know what they say about opinions.....

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Cancelled Birthdays Posted: 4/21/2008 2:56:10 PM
I would never not even acknowledge my child's birthday. That is just plain cruel in my opinion. I am not saying a young child needs to have a "big party" but to celebrate in some way is in my opinion very necessary. For my children's birthdays we always have the grandparents over for a "party" with cake, icecream and presents. I usually do something fun for them the day before or the day of, like swimming, roller skating, bowling, etc. Anything that they want to do. To not acknowledge it is rediculous and mean.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 61 (view)

He's Married Already Posted: 4/10/2008 1:23:41 PM
I cant cross the line as I am a single, widowed woman to be exact, and wouldnt want the shoe to be on the other foot. Can't cross the line? TOOOOOO Late..... .......let me make it crystal clear we have not had sex, some kissing, hugging but thats it. That is crossing the line. If you were married would you want YOUR husband to be kissing and hugging some other woman? And, if it wasn't crossing the line then his wife would already know about you.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Reading Someone Else's Email Posted: 4/9/2008 9:30:09 AM
Sounds like the kid has a lot more problems than reading someone else's e-mail..... People have given you lots of good advice....good luck :)

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Seeing my daughter....what can i do? Posted: 4/9/2008 9:25:48 AM
Honestly, it is hard to give you any advice because I don't know your wife's reasons for the supervised visits....who the heck knows? Could be legitimate concerns.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents Posted: 4/8/2008 9:48:57 AM
Shared parenting might be ideal, but, sometimes, that other parent might have some issues that could be damaging to a child. ditto

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Having another child Posted: 4/4/2008 2:42:47 PM
This question is very simply answered. Do you love him enough? If you don't and you know that he wants a child of his own then it is only right to let him go. In your original post you don't mention love at all....you only mention that he is a great guy. That doesn't seem to justify "starting over".

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Question about Loneliness Posted: 3/27/2008 2:31:57 PM
The only time in my life that I felt truly alone was when I was married to my ex-husband. Doesn't make sense does it? We did not live near any of my family and he made sure it stayed that way. I felt a lot less alone when I was single...and now that I am re-married I have never felt more NOT alone :) I really can't explain the feeling, except to say that when you feel lonely it is like a heavy brick on your chest weighing you down.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Looking for some direction Posted: 3/27/2008 11:56:56 AM
Sounds like texting just gives her a lot more balls. Plus, she is just stringing you along...or so it seems. Good luck.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Do I have to let my ex help me choose a name for the baby? Posted: 3/26/2008 1:58:53 PM
No, you don't have to. My ex-husband was mad that I didn't name our son after him. He was shocked that I wouldn't do that even though we had split up when I was still pregnant. He even went as far as to accuse me of cheating and saying the child wasn't his just because I didn't name him after him. What a moron. As if I want to name my child after someone who made my life a living hell. Woohoo! Fun! No, you do not have to have him in the delivery room. If you don't feel comfortable telling him that you don't want him there, then let your doctor tell him. That is what my doctor did. YOU are the one who is going through the labor and delivery and it is about what makes you most comfortable. Good luck.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Would you do this to your kid's Dad? Posted: 3/26/2008 8:21:13 AM
Oops, I meant to post my response to the original post.... No, I would never do that. Even though my ex-husband is worthless as the day is long, my children deserve to know and have the option of seeing their father. Now, he chooses not to see them on a consistent basis, but that is not for me to decide, that is for him to decide. I never speak down about their father, and honestly I hope that they never really see his true colors because it would only hurt them, but I am sure that eventually they will see it. I try my best to do what is in the best interest of my children. Last year when my ex was being fairly consistent with his visitations (which was only due to his girlfriend at the time making him consistent), to make things easier on the kids and so they could have an idea of when there dad would be coming, I made a calendar for each of them to keep in their rooms that had stickers on the days they would be with their Dad. Well, toward the beginning of the year his girlfriend left him and now he is never consistent. My daughter asked me to make another calendar for her. I basically had to tell her that I couldn't make another calendar because I wasn't sure when her Dad would be taking her. It broke my heart and sadly she is getting used to him not coming around. The last time that he was coming to get them she said she didn't care if she went with him or not. She is only 5. It was so sad and I tried my best to get her excited about going with him, but she still wasn't all that excited. She was more than ready to come home by the end of the weekend.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Would you do this to your kid's Dad? Posted: 3/26/2008 8:09:50 AM
westpark2: "For one you should have stayed in the marriage until the children were older. I would have ignored the affair and simply gone on with the day to day care of the children waiting until the children were older. My pride is secondary to the knowledge that my children are a part of my life and in fact as it worked out.....a very major role." Hindsight being 20/20, this is definitely what I should have done. I heard or read somewhere a couple of years ago (please don't ask me the source, I don't remember) absent physical abuse, even if there is fighting, arguing and general instability in the marital relationship, a child will develop and be better adjusted, emotionally stable with both parents in the home than if they split. So, the notion of, "I don't want to subject my child(ren) to that kind of environment," doesn't carry much weight in regards to their (overall) emotional well-being. Wow, I have never heard such.....I have heard, "Children would rather COME from a broken home, than LIVE IN a broken home." My ex-husband was emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive and even though he was not physically abusive, there was no way I was going to allow my children to grow up thinking it was "ok" for their father to treat me that way. When my daughter was one year old and I was pregnant with my second child, my ex was yelling at me over something stupid (as usual) and I recall my daughter yelling at the top of her lungs at her father say, "Daddy you be nice to Mommy!" It shocked me and it also made a light bulb go off in my head.....there was no way I was going to allow my daughter to grow up thinking it was ok for her husband to talk to her that way and there was no way I was going to allow my son to grow up thinking that it was ok to treat his wife that way. I also didn't want my kids to think that I was some pushover, abused wife that took it for too many years. PLUS, children would rather have two HAPPY parents that are seperate as opposed to two SAD parents together.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 112 (view)

I am apprehensive about dating single fathers Posted: 3/25/2008 2:54:47 PM
I would almost bet money that he could have made time for you, but chose not to. Not because he didn't like you, but he just didn't feel that connection with you. Single parents always want to make the excuse of "I just don't have time to date someone." Yes, they may be busy but if they truly have a connection with a person then they will MAKE time. JMHO. Don't rule out single fathers....you just haven't met your man yet. Good luck.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Is it okay to have my ex's picture of us up for my children? Posted: 3/25/2008 2:39:40 PM
It might be more appropriate to have those pictures in your children's bedrooms or maybe even in a photo album. As long as it isn't upsetting to the children, then I don't see anything wrong with keeping those pictures out in view for them.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Friends-Dont Want To Know!!! Posted: 3/25/2008 2:35:24 PM
Do you invite them on nights out, etc.? Maybe they don't think you are ready, or maybe they just think because you are a single parent you are too busy. Maybe if you invite them out once in a while then they might be more inclined to invite you.... unless you have invited them out several times and they turn you down...then something might be going on. But, here is the thing, if they are really "friends" then you should be able to just ask them if something is wrong.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 78 (view)

asking a woman a question... Posted: 3/25/2008 1:36:19 PM
Well, I would have to say there has to be something wrong with the questions you are asking....what are your questions?

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 47 (view)

Child Support Amount Posted: 3/25/2008 12:38:39 PM
It is kind of like the Welfare system. Although there are families out there that abuse the system and should not be allowed to have the benefits, there are vast more families out there that don't abuse the system and just need a helping hand. The ones that abuse it give it a bad name. I am sorry you happen to be one that gets that short end of the stick.

Joined: 1/25/2005

Msg: 45 (view)

Child Support Amount Posted: 3/25/2008 12:10:55 PM
^^^You are right, however, there is no way to control that every dime is spent only on the child. I guess the only way that someone can look at it is that the child is being taken care of one way or another. We do not live in a perfect world. If we did then there wouldn't need to be anything called "Child Support."

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