online dating service
REGISTER | MAIL/PROFILE | HELP | NOW ONLINE | SEARCH | RATING | FORUMS | SUCCESS STORIES

 

     
Posted In Forum:
Home   login   MyForums  
Show ALL Forums  
 
 Author Thread: Guys with kids
 jaysatx
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Guys with kids
Posted: 1/20/2009 9:20:45 AM
Just wanted to say I appreciate the different points of views. Yeah, I disagree with some of them but the bottom line is you can date or not date whoever you choose to. That's the beauty of being single. I have also started to change my opinion a bit. I certainly wouldn't want a woman involved in my kids lives that doesn't like kids. Good luck to all of you...
 jaysatx
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Guys with kids
Posted: 1/19/2009 1:53:33 PM
You're right, I do have a few favorites. I'm certainly not saying every woman without kids automatically rejects me. But it does surprise me how many women do, especially when we are always hearing about "dead beat dads" and so forth. And this is less a complaint and more of a dialog that I was curious to hear peoples opinions about.

By the way, to all who expressed their support, thank you very much. You are right, it truly does speak to the woman's character.
 jaysatx
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Guys with kids
Posted: 1/19/2009 1:49:34 PM

I have tried to talk to guys about their behavior towards their children when they were married as opposed to their behavior when they are divorced. In fact, there is even a recognized syndrome, the name escapes me at the moment, of divorced people who suddenly are much more attentive to their children than when they were married. It has something to do with most favored status. One parent is afraid the other parent might be more loved.


I can't speak for every single parent, only myself. And I have always been just as involved in my kids life, both before and after the split. I walk that middle of the road you speak of quite well, in fact my kids lives with me only during their breaks from school, so I have plenty of time to pursue my own social life. When the kids are with me though, it is a bit more difficult, but I can juggle more than one ball at a time, so to speak.
 jaysatx
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Guys with kids
Posted: 1/19/2009 1:41:19 PM
Mary you are certainly entitled to date whoever you want. I think your view on dating guys with kids is more common than not. Yeah, whoever I date and get serious with will be involved in the kids life, but what is wrong with that? My kids are great, they light up the world of everyone who spends time with them. And I'm not asking anyone to be a mommy for them. I can handle the parental stuff myself.

But still, I understand where you're coming from, I just think it sucks that you and others with your opinion would automatically reject me based on having kids.
 jaysatx
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Guys with kids
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:58:35 PM
It happened again the other night. I'm talking to a woman on messenger that I had previously exchanged a few messages with on POF. Everything's going great, we're having a very entertaining conversation and she seems very interested. Then in passing, I mention something about my kids. Immediately the tone of the entire conversation changes. She expresses concern that I would put the needs of my kids ahead of her own were we in a relationship. Within 5 minutes, all conversation has stopped. An unreturned phone call later, and I am now fully aware that once again the fact that I have kids has caused another potential date to run away with her tail between her legs.

Obviously she didn't read my profile. I make it clear I have two awesome kids. I also make it clear they live with their mom and things between mom and I are perfectly fine and we both live our own seperate lives. In fact, I'm very involved in my kids lives and spend as much time with them as possible. That's what a good guy is supposed to do right? Well apparently we are supposed to abandon them and have nothing to do with them, save the monthly child support check. That seems to be what most women on this site, and any other dating site, seem to think. What a shame. I am a good guy and treat the women I am with very well. But the fact is, women, especially women without kids, are very discriminatory of single dads who are involved in their kids lives.

It got me thinking, just yesterday I was looking at the "viewed me" section. I tried to send messages to two different women who happen to not have children who had viewed me. One had blocked me fro messaging her (even though I had never sent her any messages in the past) and the other deleted my message without reading it. Could it be because I mention the fact that I have kids? Seems very likely to me.

Just so you know, if this applies to you, you're missing out on meeting guys who are both responsible and in control of their lives. Guys who treat people right and take care of their families, even if their kids don't live near them. Aren't those all good qualities in a potential relationship material kind of guy? What gives? I would never reject a woman solely because she is a single mom.
 jaysatx
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 200 (view)
 
STOOD UP by a P.O.F. MEMBER
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:16:24 AM
This happens to us guys as well. A few weeks ago I agreed to go on a date with a girl and a few of her friends at a bar in Austin (I am about 1 1/2 hours away in San Antonio). I got all the way up there and foound one of her "friends" was her ex boyfriend who was hangin all over her. After 15 minutes she decided the situation was too awkward and dramatic (no kidding) and asked if I could leave and call her the next day. I told her I drove all te way from SA and I would have never disrespected her like that. I left of course, the hell with her. The next day she called me apologizing profusely, begging me to let her make it up to her. I decided to give her a second chance (stupid I know) and we agreed she would drive down the following weekend, even asked me if it was ok to come down early so we could spend time together before the date. I reconfirmed the day prior (she couldn't wait to see me) but of course the day of our date she nevere answered her phone or retexts. Go figure. New rule: don't drive long distance to meet some girl no matter how much you talk prior.
 jaysatx
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Do people that were/are in the Military take Dating more Seriously?
Posted: 12/15/2008 5:57:50 PM
You have valid points. I think the main reason is us military trypes are always going from place to place. There's no time to meet the right person and develop a quality relationship, so we tend to be in a hurry. I myself just got back from being in Korea for a year in October, and am heading to Iraq in March already for six months. I'm very interested in dating, as I've gotten to the point in my life where I like the idea of settling down. But there just isn't enough time and no one likes a long distance relationship. (My last one of those ended 7 months into my tour in Korea) Bottom line, we have to be serious because there's just no time to waste.

I got married when I was 20 because of the military and not wanting to lose the girl I was with. Big mistake. We were totally wrong for each other and after 9 years of marriage and two kids later, it was over. I know better now and am much more careful about who I choose to enter a relationship with. But the time just isnt there to develop and grow like we should. Rather sad really...
 
Show ALL Forums