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Thread: People scared to get married and have children

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 47 (view)

People scared to get married and have children Posted: 10/4/2009 9:45:34 PM
While still a very young schoolboy, I determined not to marry or have kids. I stuck to my guns, sure that it was the right decision. Marriage and parenthood aren't for everyone.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 56 (view)

Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor? Posted: 10/4/2009 8:11:53 PM
I think that " it such a stigma to be an older bachelor" is bit of an overstatement. It is not the norm, but there are much worse things. Some of us have gone all through lfe, without any long relationships, much less marriage. Probably, the never married have less developed social skills. That hardly makes them bad people, though. Back in my 30's and 40's, I didn't meet enough single women to have much of a dating life. With so few dates, then I wasn't likely getting married. Some men have had negative experiences with women, that left them unwilling to marry. Others have simply not found any suitable partners. Still others were too independent to date or marry. Many causes can keep people single. Some divorced women want a divorced man. That does not harm older bachelors. As for me, I am happy to be a bachelor, rather than be twice or thrice divorced.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 56 (view)

Could This Be The Reason? Posted: 9/22/2009 4:16:21 AM
This got me to thinking. The last time I lived with someone was almost 40 years ago. It might be hard to do it again.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 66 (view)

At what age do you Just Give Up? Posted: 9/22/2009 3:14:00 AM
For me, it was back in the 1970's, when I gave up on starting a family. I was in my early 20's. That seemed like as good an age as any. That was when I decided to be childfree, not to have any kids. It was a great burden lifted from my shoulders. Maybe not such a great burden, but my shoulders were small and weak at the time. Around the same time, I had made a firm decision not to get married, either. Then, I was free of the two things that most tend to age and wear down men. When I determined not to settle down, as they say, finding the right person became unnecessary, so that was another thing I didn't have to worry about. All in all, leaving the rat race was the right thing to do. Marriage and family are greatly overrated.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 90 (view)

Would you leave a relationship because you wanted marriage and your SO didn't? Posted: 9/21/2009 8:36:16 PM
When women bring up marriage, it is time for me to go.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 91 (view)

are you still sexually experimenting? Posted: 9/21/2009 8:25:47 PM
Yes, At my age, every time I have sex, it is an experiment. Maybe a failed experiment, but still an experiment.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 57 (view)

Venus and Mars questions? Asking a stranger to dance. Posted: 9/21/2009 8:18:18 PM
Because my memory for faces is not particularly good, almost everyone who I ask to dance is a stranger. Of course, some are stranger than others.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 87 (view)

Underwear - The New Relationship Indicator? Posted: 7/22/2009 3:11:59 AM
In a dating/relationship context, underwear are most important at the moment of their removal. Of course, they should be clean and in good repair. For daily wear, I favor bikini briefs, in a variety of colors. Men's thongs, on the other hand, are special date underwear. I fail to discern any deep psycho-sexual meaning for men's underwear styles. It is not the wrapping, but the package, that matters.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 359 (view)

He brought his Fanny with him... Posted: 7/9/2009 4:01:20 AM
For a woman to reject a man because she doesn't like his fanny pack is just so silly. That was as bad as the woman who walked out on me, because she didn't like my boots with the 4" stiletto heels. Or maybe she was jealous.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

She asked for money at the end of the date! Posted: 7/9/2009 3:46:15 AM
Even the hookers won't sleep with me.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

The same excuse time and time again Posted: 7/9/2009 3:42:33 AM
"The funniest excuse... I got shot. " That's not funny! I did get shot once. It hurt.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 145 (view)

Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice in Dating scary music swells Posted: 6/21/2009 11:53:41 AM
I am absolutely Childfree, and never want children. Women who want children are not my cup of tea. But this should be a choice for everyone, unfettered by outside agencies.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Is a kiss an invitation to have sex? Posted: 5/29/2009 9:44:55 AM
Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss. Even if it is more, is that altogether a bad thing? Serious, energetic, and enthusiastic kissing is another thing, though. High power kissing often does lead to sex.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 327 (view)

Woman won't tell me her last name Posted: 5/17/2009 7:40:54 AM
There is something sexy about a whirlwind affair, where you never know each others names.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 278 (view)

I know I will get blasted for this but... Posted: 5/17/2009 7:21:17 AM
Reading this thread set me to thinking, about the importance of clothing and adornment. My conclusion: The clothes on the woman, matter much less than the woman in the clothes.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 332 (view)

How many messages a day do u get on average? Posted: 5/8/2009 8:52:41 PM
On average, I get no messages per day. None at all. That is OK, because I am picky.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

Some men are all talk and no action?? Posted: 5/8/2009 8:46:29 PM
Some men, and some women too, fold up when it comes to meeting. My answer to this is to ask for a meeting sooner rather than later. If the meeting doesn't happen, then fine. When the meeting is not inspiring, then we both know to keep looking. The point is that only face to face really reveals a person, and then we can then decide whether to pursue a match.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 227 (view)

What does my children come first mean to you? Posted: 4/27/2009 7:07:05 AM
I did not have children of my own. Never wanted to have kids. So it is no surprise to me that I don't have any interest in another guy's kids. For a woman to take good care of her kids is admirable. But she is not the one for me.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 99 (view)

what happens when we are 40 and single, who is available to date? Posted: 4/27/2009 6:32:35 AM
just sayin... wrote: "sometimes it's just a matter of karma and kismet ." All right, luck plays a role, But, good luck tends to come to the dilligent and the prepared. It is not enough to cruise Internet dating clubs, while sitting at home. If you are looking for a car, you will visit car lots, and take a lot of test drives. You will keep your eyes open for good cars, and ask others if they know of any cars you might like. Shopping for a romantic partner is not really so different. Get out and about, keep your eyes open, and seek referrals. Forget the superficial requirements, and instead concentrate on the traits that really define a good partner. Lately, I have been meeting a lot of married women, at singles events, no less. Bad karma. Focus on single people, who are actually available for a relationship. Fooling around is one thing, and building a relationship is another. Son of a gun. I am almost 60, and still single.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 145 (view)

Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles? Posted: 4/26/2009 10:31:15 PM
I checked the statistics. It is suicidal urges that are responsible.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 63 (view)

Suddenly Finding Myself Unattracted To Men My Own Age Posted: 4/26/2009 10:28:01 PM
Seeking a younger partner seems quite common now for both men and women. But the math will not allow all of us to secure younger mates. OP is wondering why we have these longings. To be blunt, it is the lure of hot and steamy sex. We think that a younger partner will rekindle the fire of desire, and give us a taste of heven. Probably, most of us can get heated up by the idea of a sexy young lover. That is a natural thing. But we need ask ourselves if such a fantasy bed partner is really what we need. Will the young lover share our beliefs, values, and experiences? Would they stay with us in the long term? Or is hot sex now, our most immediate and pressing need?

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 364 (view)

Never married & no kids Posted: 3/26/2009 8:55:50 AM
Never married & no kids works for me, though it is harder to find women over 50 in that category. The more I see of married folks and their offspring, the happier I am never to have married nor had children. People who don't like never married & no kids probably wouldn't be a good match for me, anyway. But I would consider a widow, if she was childfree and did not kill her husband.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 119 (view)

Women question a man over 50 and not been married? Posted: 3/21/2009 7:06:09 PM
Yes, most men and women are marriage seekers. Usually this produces marriage in their twenties or thirties. Yet not everyone is so inclined. Some folks are much less enthusiastic about getting hitched. Marriage and children are not everyone's cup of tea. A few of us have not wanted to take that risk. And it is a risk. A substantial proportion of marriages disintegrate. Folks seeking marriage are better served finding a like-minded partner. Those not seeking marriage may be happier with dating people who are also not looking for a spouse. Marriage wasn't a life goal for me, and I was successful at not being married. Most of the time, that was quite satisfactory.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through? Posted: 3/9/2009 7:04:49 PM
No kids,never married, is not a bad place to be in, at midlife. Maybe people don't need a midlife crisis if they don't have the sort of life they feel compelled to escape. I always saw marrige and parenthood as a sort of trap, and never sought out that lifepath. As of now, I detect no symptoms of crisis. Happy to be still single.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

One way To get Married Posted: 2/3/2009 12:35:34 PM
A Mexican-American man in California has been charged with selling his 14 year old daughter, to an 18 year old man, who sought to make her his bride. All of the parties involved are members of a small tribe of Mexican Indians, who practice the custom of "bride price." According to the cops, the total cost was $16,000, one hundred cases of beer and several cases of meat. The bride price has become controversial in Mexico, as a violation of women's rights. But what the heck? It is one way to get married. Now, finally, my question: Is there anyone here, who would engage in a commercial sales transaction to obtain a spouse?

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 179 (view)

Why are we still so affraid to let people in? Posted: 1/18/2009 9:43:41 AM
I don't let people in. Never have. My door is always locked, and always will be. This is not figurative, but literal. I always keep my doors locked, and do not answer the door. No one ever gets in my place. Not ever. And get off my grass!

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

At 57 &64 is one yr dating long enough to expect marriage? Posted: 1/18/2009 8:38:37 AM
At 57 &64 is one yr dating long enough to expect marriage? Certainly, that is a fair question. The key word there is "expect." Expectations have been the downfall of many a relationship. Whether a relationship will bloom into marriage after a month, a year, or a decade, is subject to mutual agreement. An expectation will not make this decision. One person alone cannot make this decision. Such a decision must be joint, in anticipation of both parties receiving benefit. In romantic relationships, we seek to better our lives, by committing to the one we love. I believe it is not a function of time, but rather depth of commitment, and suitable level of compatibility. These commitments should not be made lightly. It is a serious matter. To expect marriage is not wrong, but it may not be the right question. More to the point, is can you reach an agreement about marriage?

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

Exchanging phone numbers??? Posted: 1/16/2009 12:31:57 PM
My phone number is so unlisted, that I don't even know what it is. How could I give it out?

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 53 (view)

Separated for years, but still living with the wife...What gives? Posted: 1/16/2009 12:30:08 PM
A while back, I dated a separated woman, who had both a husband and another boyfriend. That was two too many other men in her life for my taste. Now she is living with her husband again, and looking for a new boyfriend.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 107 (view)

Over 40 and no children? Posted: 1/16/2009 11:52:10 AM
Not a day passes, that I do not give thanks for being unmarried and childfree. And strangely enough, I still get out of bed every single morning. Since there is no general shortage of children, I am not committing racial suicide. It is a sustainable population, that will allow future generations to flourish, not an excessive birthrate. I am doing my part.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

How do you feel when you see married w/kids? Posted: 1/6/2009 12:32:05 PM
When I see married w/kids, I am grateful it isn't me. It is not a responsibility that I ever desired.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 171 (view)

Dating a Widow Posted: 1/6/2009 12:09:38 PM
Honest, I have never dated a dead guy's wife. Not sure if I could. It seems kind of creepy.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Ever been asked,Why aren't you married? Posted: 1/6/2009 12:04:34 PM
"Ever been asked,Why aren't you married?" My favorite answer is, "Just lucky, I guess." Sure, I am asked this from time to time, and I practice inventing new answers. Most of the time, I am quite pleased not to have fallen victim to the marriage trap. Some people, Ok, most people, like being married. But some of us are happier being single. The thing is, that marriage is not for everyone. There are other routes to happiness and personal fulfillment. If people ask nosey personal questions like that, they should have no expectations of any answer at all. None of their business. Just change the subject.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Do people that were/are in the Military take Dating more Seriously? Posted: 12/22/2008 11:06:18 AM
I have not dated any military women, but I might try it someday. Why would they really be any different from anyone else?

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 203 (view)

Why would you lie about your age? Posted: 12/22/2008 11:03:43 AM
My assumption is that a lot of people will use creative writing, rather than just the facts. It seems to be a part of the "Game." The reason, I guess, is that people are lonely and tired of being alone. I don't think of this as a personal injury to me. It is just human nature. Meeting people is what I want to do. When I meet them, is when I will draw cnclusions.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 42 (view)

At what point are you ready to meet? Posted: 12/22/2008 10:55:51 AM
Correspondence and phone calls are not my objective. It is all about meeting people. Most people you meet will not be an ideal match. We all know this. It is no secret. But the whole idea is to meet people, to see what happens. If I encounter folks on-line who are not interested in meeting, then I move on, with no hard feelings. What I do not want to do, is spend a lot of time with people who are not interested in meeting. I am not angry with someone, because they have different objectives. But meeting people is the reason I am here.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 104 (view)

spending the holidays single.. Posted: 12/21/2008 5:26:25 AM
I used to worry about not having a date for holiday events. Home alone wasn't too rewarding. Finally, it dawned on me that the holidays were no different from any other days. It was only the hype that was different. And most of the hype was from commercial interests, seeking to exploit the holidays. Now, on holidays, I like to settle in with a good book, and get very comfortable. That is better than most of the holiday dates I have had.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 131 (view)

Single for longer than you expected? Posted: 12/18/2008 7:51:48 PM
Gosh! I have been single for over 50 years, and just now beginning to get good at it. It is unlikely that I will marry.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

How many of your dates are Ambiva-dates? Posted: 12/18/2008 2:59:08 PM
Much more than Ambiva-dates, I find many anti-dates. Things could be worse, though. They could all be anti-dates. The return on investment, for dating, is pretty low, so I do not invest very heavily. That way, the dismal results do not make me feel too badly. On the other hand, a good book never lets me down.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 139 (view)

Pre-Nuptial Agreement? Posted: 12/18/2008 2:49:09 PM
I have thought about Pre-Nuptial Agreements. Even worked out the terms, should it become necessary. The Pre-Nuptial Agreement, that I would require, would be an agreement not to get married. That way, both our respective interests would be safeguarded.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 340 (view)

SHORT GUYS Posted: 12/18/2008 2:15:23 PM
As a shorter fellow, should I slip on the ice, I will not fall as far, nor as hard, as a taller guy. Other than that, loose change on the ground is closer and easier to see, for me. Tall men. Who needs 'em?

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 296 (view)

He brought his Fanny with him... Posted: 12/18/2008 6:46:25 AM
My fanny pack wore out. So, to avoid fanny pack envy, I replaced it with a zippery shoulder bag. I just call it my "bag." Not man purse.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 166 (view)

over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG! Posted: 12/10/2008 2:21:34 PM
I just think of the decades of personal happiness, that I have been able to achieve by not ever getting married. Other people's opinions do not matter to me, because I don't care what anybody else thinks. I live my life exclusively for my own purposes.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 402 (view)

For the Men Over 30 Posted: 12/10/2008 2:16:20 PM
Single: because I did not ever find a reason to get married, nor a woman who interested me in that way. Marriage is bad for people, and leads to physical and psychological damage. No kids: because I don't believe in having children, and would not want a woman who already has kids. Did I mention that I don't like kids?

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Books versus Movies Posted: 12/10/2008 1:57:06 PM
I read 2 or 3 books a week, and never go to movies.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 92 (view)

Is dressing for comfort instead of style and fashion really a crime? Posted: 12/8/2008 5:56:25 AM
Dressing for comfort instead of style and fashion, may not be a crime, but it may not attract any interest. Context is critical. It is appropriate to dress one way for a bike ride, and another way for social events or theater. If someone is fishing for a date, then it makes sense to look good, in order to reel in a catch. That applies to both men and women. I put away my summer clothes for winter season, but there is always ice fishing, in the meantime.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 52 (view)

Stigma of 30+ and single? Posted: 12/7/2008 8:59:12 PM
I suspect the real source of the stigma is that many people believe someone who is not married by age 30, or 35, or whatever, has been unable to attract a mate. Poor Steve, or poor Stephanie, has no one who wants them. The stigma is for being undesireable. Underlying this belief, is the assumption that everyone wants to be married, and that those who do not marry aren't "normal." Thus, anyone who is unmarried past a certain age is defective in some important way.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

Have you ever run Posted: 12/7/2008 8:31:19 PM
This is one reason why I do not have a picture here; so that no one will recognize me.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 206 (view)

So you don't want to get married again, now what? Posted: 12/7/2008 7:51:54 PM
If I were to get married again, it would be for the first time. Marriage was always low on my life's ambitions chart, and I was able to keep my freedom. There may be hope for me, though. Someone mentioned that at my age, lots of widows are looking for husbands.

magickman

Joined: 1/29/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Fell asleep during sex Posted: 11/27/2008 4:10:20 PM
This thread gives the phrase, " Slept with," a whole new meaning.

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