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 Author Thread: Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 141 (view)
 
Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 11/11/2009 3:17:10 PM
TOMic,

I don't get the vicious response. I wasn't trying to attack you personally, just trying to point out that everyone has things they do that are clearly unhealthy, unproductive, and to some extent wasteful. That could be smoking pot or tanning or any other number of things.

I'm not saying you're a bad person because you enable and encourage people to give themselves cancer...necessarily (See, isn't hyperbole fun?)

And that laundry list of things you've done...good for you! I, too pay taxes, am fully employed, well educated, have traveled the world, volunteer, am politically active, have served my country...Do we get awards or something now? Is this show and tell? I believe you're a perfectly wonderful (although maybe over-reactive) person. Really, I do. No need for a resume.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 134 (view)
 
Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 11/11/2009 1:34:17 PM
TOMic,

Good to see you my friend. Not surprised either, as we both seem to be pretty passionate about this issue.


America doesn't need more wastoids and zoneouts now or in the future.

we are at a crossroads in our history. America needs bright clear thinking individuals in our society, not laid back stoned out freaks doing illegal and unproductive drugs.

those that smoke marijuana and all other illegal drugs contribute to the downfall and moral ethical erosion of our great nation. we need people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and make our country stronger sans dope.


Gonna be pretty hard for our society to "pull itself up by the boot straps" when we're all busy getting treated for the skin cancer caused by tanning salon owners such as yourself.
Speaking of which...those hours people are spending in your tanning beds cancer-frying themselves...are those folks engaging in productive acts, country-strengthening acts?

Know that I'm not trying to convince you, been done that road before and it is like arguing with a tree. Just trying to point out that everyone has their peculiarities and it is just a question of which of those peculiarities you are willing to work with. Personally, I don't think I would take anyone who frequents a tanning salon regularly seriously. I mean, the evidence is crystal clear that this is one of the MOST unhealthy things you could ever do to your body and would seem to me that someone is more interested in vanity than health. I'm pretty sure that isn't a dealbreaker for you but it is for me(like pot is not a dealbreaker for me, like it is for you. In fact, I'd much rather my loved ones smoke an occasional bong than sign up at a tanning salon...much less dangerous and destructive.



OP:

Others have said it better than I can, pot is not the issue here, just a red herring for the deeper respect and compatibility issues you two have going on.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 66 (view)
 
A playful groper
Posted: 11/10/2009 3:10:34 AM

With what tough guy?

You put your hands on him and you get a free ride to jail, wind up in a civil suit, and your girlfriend will probably testify against you on her friend's behalf.

Talking tough is really cool though isn't it?


At least I would be able to look at myself in the mirror knowing that I didn't just stand by and watch my girlfriend get sexually assaulted. Seriously, some guys have forgotten how to be men.



See, I could perhaps understand that approach of manning up, IF it was, say, a scenario at a party, where a drunk lout kept approaching his girlfriend and she tried to be polite at first, but finally requested some help. Apparently the scenario in question, though, has been ongoing for a long time now, so his girlfriend has had more than ample time to tell the husband off herself.

Out of curiousity...wouldn't the fact that one's partner DIDN'T have the cajones to respond to the husband in the O-Post by simply saying "Hands off!" in no uncertain terms...wouldn't that make you lose respect for them pretty quick, not to mention interest? I know it sure would, me!


Excellent post, and I agree to a point. If this were a repeated situation where my GF kept "finding" herself in situations where she was being fondled by other guys, then yes I would definitely lose respect and interest in her rapidly. However, I didn't get the impression that this was the case. It sounds to me more like it is this one particular guy acting inappropriately, and the GF not really knowing how to draw the line with him. In that case, I think it is perfectly appropriate for the BF to draw the line for her (and the other guy.) It very well may be that hearing her guy respect her enough to stick up for her will giver her the self-confidence she needs to stand up for herself in the future.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
A playful groper
Posted: 11/9/2009 1:19:06 PM

How about , saying : Hi , I'm new to this !
And give his "boy parts " a squeeze !


Amen!

Maybe I'm the old school type, but I don't know why there is even a question here. I have lots of female friends and I've never once considered grabbing their T or A! It is disrespectful to them and the fact that he did it in front of you would seem to indicate he is disrespectful of you, too. Does he treat all his female "friends" this way?!

I'm fortunate to be a big guy with an intimidating presence when I choose, but I've always held the one warning philosophy, because people make mistakes. The next time he starts this behavior step in and let him know in no uncertain terms that it is not okay, and that anything he touches your GF with will become your property. If he tries it again, follow through. The fact that you let it slide the first time indicated your tacit approval of the behavior and you'll need to be unambiguous when you tell him. I prefer the low-menacing-whisper-fear-of-god approach, but that's just my personal style.

Yes, it SHOULD be her responsibility to tell him off, but sometimes you just gotta man up.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 257 (view)
 
My therory on big guys(no not talking about his*****)
Posted: 9/1/2009 4:57:54 AM
"I get a good laugh when I read about people claiming it’s for “health” reasons when in fact they couldn’t give a shit. It’s all about physical appearance, nothing else. Man I hate bullshit. At least people, admit that you’re plain shallow and that’s the reason and people will show you respect. "

While I don't think it as about "being shallow" (you're attracted to who you're attracted to) I agree that those who argue that their preference for slender men for "health" reasons, or because heavy folks are just too lazy and inactive, are using faulty reasoning or are copping out.

I'm 6'3", just over 300 pounds...by every definition "morbidly obese" or fat.

I'm spending my labor day weekend on a bicycle tour of 400 miles. I ride 40-50 miles several times a week. I also belong to a gym (which I use mainly in the winter months,) cross country ski, hike, disc golf, eat a diet rich in whole grains/fruits/veggies and low in processed foods, drink only water and coffee (no soda.) I'd ask how many of the slender folks are this active or pay this close of attention to their health.

Sure, there are fat folks who sit around eating unhealthy food and living a sedentary lifestyle, but the same can be said about slender people. Trust me, as a cyclist, I regularly see "fat" people out there riding centuries (100 mile rides) which is far more physical activity than most slender people would even attempt. I've dated a number of women who were slender or in the "healthy" weight range who couldn't even come close to keeping up with me (in life AND in the bedroom, to address that point.)

Again, not saying your shallow for being attracted to any particular body type, but if health/activity levels are your true concern, don't automatically discount us big guys,. We might just surprise you.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 229 (view)
 
My therory on big guys(no not talking about his*****)
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:03:21 PM

But for those of us that are bigger/overweight men, and are wondering why there is not a following for plus size men, it is not acceptable, and we should quit ****en and get exercising.


Not to be too picky, but there actually is a following for big men, unfortunately for many of us big guys, it isn't women doing the following. If you're still confused just google "bears" and "men."
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
I prostrate myself to the brutally honest profile review gods...
Posted: 4/28/2009 5:03:55 AM
I changed up a bunch of my profile from what I had before, and was hoping some kind souls out there would take a look at it and let me know what they think.

Thanks!
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Do you do drugs???
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:53:13 PM
I don't consider it wrong or a mistake. It is a substance that has greatly enhanced my life. I've met many fascinating and incredible people who I would not have otherwise met had I not been okay with marijuana use.

I fundamentally disagree with your assertion that it isn't at all healthy for society. Some of the greatest inventions of all time have been dreamed up after smoking marijuana. Many amazing pieces of artwork and music were created while under the influence of marijuana. Many of America's founding fathers who built this great society were marijuana users and hemp farmers.

As for the marijuana/violent crime connection, if you make any product illegal, you'll create a criminal black market for that product, which then leads to violence. Look at the prohibition era. Murders by the hundreds. Criminal organizations thrived by selling alcohol not because alcohol was inherently evil, but because it was illegal, creating an extremely profitable black market. The same is true of the current situation with marijuana. It isn't marijuana that leads to violence, but marijuana prohibition. Repeal this prohibition and you'll see just how quickly the criminal element loses interest in marijuana. Finally, if you grow your own, I fail to see how you're contributing to violent crime.

One good reason is all you need? Okay, I can relax and unwind in the evening by smoking a joint (one of many ways I relax and unwind) without waking up in the morning with a hangover, as alcohol can cause. Another reason (just in case you don't like that one, I'll throw this in as a backup) is that for many, marijuana fosters and enhances creativity.

My question to you is, why do you think people need to justify their preferences to you or anybody else? I fail to see why anybody in their right minds would smoke tobacco, eat highly processed food, drive over the speed limit or watch MTV but that doesn't mean they need to justify their choices to me. It just means they aren't for me.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Do you do drugs???
Posted: 4/13/2009 11:43:37 AM

your profile...this is what I'm talking about...you DO use drugs...it's pretty black and white.


It is black and white...for you. And that is fine. Not everyone sees things in black and white (I don't) and not everyone sees things in shades of gray (apparently, you don't.) All that means is that this woman wasn't for you. Although, if your profile read the same way it does now when she agreed to go out with you, it was pretty inconsiderate seeing as how you clearly state there that you are not down with that. We all have our deal breakers. Nothing wrong with that.

And as for my profile; sorry, I'm not going to list on the front page of my profile on a public website that I have smoked. That would make me stupid. I also wouldn't answer truthfully other overly-invasive questions such as income level, credit score, favorite sexual position, fetishes, prior sexual history, etc. These are all things that you share with an individual, not something you necessarily want to put right up front for the whole world to see.

I also won't ever lie about it when asked by a potential date, and if not asked, I bring it up in the first date or two. I don't think it is right to hide it, because clearly there are people who don't agree with me.

I guess what I'm saying is just as it wasn't cool for her to spark up in your car without talking to you about it first, it isn't cool for you to judge 25 million people (the number of Americans who have smoked marijuana in the past year as reported by the National Survey on Drug Use and Health) entire worth by 1 particular habit. You paint with an awfully broad brush when you make statements like:




Drugs are bad in any form, however some can be used responsibly without being mind altering. Marijuana is not in that category and don't even attempt to argue. I see all the pot heads every day and they just embarrass themselves with their slower speech, poor motor skills, absence of mind, and they stink.

Some of those embarassing "potheads" with dull minds and slowed motor skills:
-Michael Phelps
-Bill Clinton
-Barack obama
-George Bush
-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
-Carl Sagan
-Dr. Francis Crik
-Herman Hesse
-Winston Churchill
-Thomas Jefferson
-Sigmund Freud
-Pythagoras
-And many, many more.



 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Do you do drugs???
Posted: 4/13/2009 6:19:40 AM

What is with people saying NO to this profile question when they clearly toke up regularly or occassionally. Marijuana is a drug you idiots...and a disgusting one on that note.

Before all you self loathing blazers jump in with the alcohol, caffeine, tobacco, etc argument I will fully admit that all of those substances can have serious reprecussions, but the difference is they CAN be used responsibly, while no drug can. It is possible to have one drink, or one coffee, or one cigarette and the mind won't be altered.

Also, marijuana is illegal in basically every country in the world. I know I'll be pushing a few buttons with the green leaf brigade who preach that it has endless benefits and no consequnences and I've heard every single argument...and they are all weak at best.

On that note, I do support it's medicinal use in certain circumstances, but using it to "de-stress" does not count...people use alchol for the same purpose and to me if you need to use any "drug" to relieve stress then you have a serious weakness of character. Ever tried going for a long walk/run, lifting some weights, reading a book, etc...the list goes on. Stop being so lazy.

If marijuana is so great and harmless why:
-do we teach our children to avoid drugs like the plague?
-do employers avoid weed users?
-is almost all street crime related to drug use (weed included)?
-do people still feel the need to conceal their habit?

It really is a black and white situation. Drugs are bad in any form, however some can be used responsibly without being mind altering. Marijuana is not in that category and don't even attempt to argue. I see all the pot heads every day and they just embarrass themselves with their slower speech, poor motor skills, absence of mind, and they stink. That smell is incredibly offensive. GROW UP.


How is the view from up there on your high horse?

Let's take your questions 1 at a time:

Teaching Children: For the same reason that for years children were taught to hate and fear people of color or different sexual orientations. For the same reasons that during prohibition, many parents taught their children the same thing about alcohol. For the same reasons we justified rounding up thousands of Japanese Americans and throwing them in concentration camps. Fear and ignorance. Drugs have had major negative consequences in the world, agreed, but they have also contributed to some of the most fundamental shifts in humanity's evolution.

Employers: Because no one sh0uld be impaired while working. The same reason that you'd likely be fired for showing up to work with alcohol in your system.

Street Crime: Because, through making them illegal, we've created massive incentive to form a black market. Neither the product or demand for the product are reduced by making it illegal. It simply takes away legal and safe avenues for acquisition.

Conceal their habit: Because it is still illegal and whether that law is just or not, there are serious consequences of getting caught using Marijuana. If it ever becomes legal, I think you'll be amazed by the people who you would have never imagined as smokers that will come out of the woodwork.

As for laziness...I'm 30, college grad (dean's list,) travelled the world, spent 3 entire years volunteering full time in community development and youth programs. Currently I exercise regularly, don't drink any alcohol, don't smoke tobacco, am active in my community, hold a good full-time job, plus I own my own business, am enrolled in grad school, I'm a musician (in a band,)and have a very active social life. Oh, and I've been known to partake as well. And I'm supposed to feel ashamed for wasting my life as a burn out?
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 46 (view)
 
What kind of music do you like when having sex?
Posted: 3/20/2009 9:17:23 AM
Number 1 fave: Covered in Rain, John Mayer, Live version only. Man, if ever there was a guitar solo that was auditory sex...

Number 2: Sexual Healing, Ben Harper, Live Version (the follow-up song ain't bad either...especially once you've already got it going with Sexual Healing!)

Number 3: Wierd, but I like old school smooth hip-hop. Tribe Called Quest, Common, Black Starr, Fugees... Don't know why, seeing as how I'm probably the whitest, least "hip-hop" guy on the planet.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 1496 (view)
 
can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers?
Posted: 3/20/2009 6:59:36 AM

If there is no difference between pot and alcohol, then explain to me why there is a market for non-alcoholic beer yet not one for THC-free marijuana?


From a quick google search (or just go to marijuanaalternatives.com)...Next argumet, please?


"What are marijuana alternatives ? Legal definition: Marijuana alternatives -Herbs or blends of herbs that one can smoke as alternatives to marijuana or toabcco. The term marijuana alternatives means just that. It does not mean we are offering legal marijuana or a marijuana substitute. Driving sober is an alternative to driving drunk. Smoking legal herbs is an alternative to smoking illegal marijuana. The only thing marijuana alternatives have in common with marijuana is they are smoked. Marijuana alternatives are - not fake pot or legal weed. What is meant by the term is simply other smoking herbs and blends that one can enjoy instead of breaking the law or becoming dependent. Marijuana alternatives are not THC alternatives they are marijuana smoking alternatives. One of the reasons people have such a hard time quitting marijuana or tobacco, other than the physical addiction created by nicotine or the mental addiction to THC is they simply enjoy a good smoke. Marijuana and tobacco are not the only smoking herbs available, there are many enjoyable herbs and blends that are great legal alternatives. For the last 5 years we have set out to provide our valued customers with the best smoking herbs and blends available at any price. In that time although we have had many many return customers ( most of our customers are return customers or people who were referred by them ) no one has become addicted to our products or been harmed by our products and according to many of our customers they have helped people quit smoking tobacco and marijuana. "


 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
how do i get a guy just to b friends????
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:19:02 AM

how do i get a guy just to b friends????



Grow a penis. Problem solved
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
your g/f cheeting
Posted: 3/4/2009 9:38:56 AM
Go talk to a friend...see if they can loan you a quarter...go buy a clue.

Sorry, that was uncalled for. You're getting played. When she told you the "truth" what did she say? How did you know it was the truth. Sorry, I don't tolerate lying.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
I prostrate myself to the brutally honest profile review gods...
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:47:43 PM
Yup, can see where that would be confusing. I don't drink at all, but I was trying to get across the message that that does not mean I'm:

A) a recovering alcoholic (I'm not)
b) A no fun stick-in-the mud who doesn't like going out, including to places that are typically associated with drinking. (I just go for the socializing and fun rather than to drink.)

I don't drink because I don't like the way it affects me. Whereas it most people have a lot of fun when drinking, I tend to get down or depresssed after even just a couple of drinks. Just don't react well to acohol, I guess.

I'll keep working on it.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I prostrate myself to the brutally honest profile review gods...
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:09:52 PM
Thanks for the feedback. Made the changes you suggested. The drinking part was in there because it seems to be a real concern for a lot of women when they see I don't drink...automatically assume I'm a recovering alcoholic. Guess it's a danged if you do, danged if you don't with explaining it.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
I prostrate myself to the brutally honest profile review gods...
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:50:48 AM
Hey everybody,

Just getting back into the online dating thing. A couple of years ago I put together a few really good profiles, but for some reason I'm struggling now. Not sure why, except that I'm out of practice. I know I need to add more pics, but any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanks!
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 1467 (view)
 
can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers?
Posted: 1/27/2009 11:47:45 AM

I have never been bit by a pot smoker...


Obviously you've never been caught between a stoner and the microwave, then!
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 1278 (view)
 
can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers?
Posted: 11/14/2008 12:17:55 PM
Damn, I thought i was done with this thread!


Unless it's a crappy menial job....not many out there that DONT offer drug tests.


-Physician
-Lawyer
-Business Owner
-Author
-Electrician
-Management/Administration (I'm in management and I was never tested)
-Mechanic
-Professor
-Chef
-Social Worker


Those are just a couple off the top of my head that don't require random drug testing. I'll agree that many companies require an initial drug test before hiring, but most pot smokers deal with that by....wait for it....wait for it....wait for it...not smoking while looking for a job!

I mean to each their own. Nothing against you if you can't or don't want to deal with the herb smoking population. Personally, I can't stand cops and would refuse to associate or be in a room with with anyone who choses that line of work. (Mainly because they tend to acy like either bullies or preachers, when in reality most cops break more laws in any given day than anyone else, including the folks they hassle!)

Guess we all have our dealbreakers.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Doing What She Wants and not Necessarily What She Says
Posted: 10/31/2008 12:20:59 PM
Yeah, no interest in playing guessing games. If she says she wants something, I assume she wants it. If I find out later that she didn't really want it (whether I did it or not) that's her beef. I couldn't care less. I prefer board games to mind games.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Starting to wonder
Posted: 9/18/2008 1:21:31 PM
Some very honest and straightforward folks here. Yeah, being a 25 y/o mom can make it more difficult, as can smoking, as can a sparse profile. I think you identified the answer in your 1st post.


Everyone around me gets in and out of relationships and yet Im still alone.


Yeah, everyone around is getting in and OUT of relationships. Is that what you want? Short term, fleeting romances? Cuz it sounds like what your peers are doing (and you, too. By your own admission you can meet guys, just not the RIGHT guys.)

If, on the other hand, you're looking for something more meaningful, it might mean decreasing the quantity of guys you meet so as to increase the quality. Think of it this way, if you're dixie cupping around with "A guy," you're less likely to find "THE guy."

 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Talk to or Talk at..
Posted: 9/18/2008 1:13:29 PM
It sounds to me like a misquided attempt at modesty. That whole, walk up to the prettiest girl in the place, look her square in the eye and say, "you're way outta my league, but you're beautiful and I gotta take a shot."

A little modesty can be good, but I don't think it comes off well online.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Should i bother talking to her?
Posted: 9/17/2008 8:35:30 AM
Best revenge is living well. Don't lower yourself to doing the childish and immature things that some have suggested. Don't respond to her text messages or voice mail (should she leave you any). If you run into her in person, be civil but don't fall for her BS. Essentially she's moved on. I suggest you do the same. And don't look back.


AMEN!

You sound like a nice guy. Even though she basically shat on your heart, you'd still be willing to drop what you are doing and run to her if she needs you. I used to be a nice guy too. Fortunately for us, there are cures for that now.

In all seriousness, being a good guy is all well and good, but that doesn't mean you have to let people take advantage of you. Remember, people will treat you exactly how you allow yourself to be treated. Why would you want to waste your time on a girl (and she definitely sounds like a girl rather than a woman) who doesn't even respect you enough to tell you that she is dating some other guy?

As a nice guy, I used to beat myself up about similar situations in my life. There are these romantic fairy tales that nice guys tell themselves. "If I'm only nice enough to her and am there for her, eventually she'll come to me" nice guys think (all the while, the girl is out boinking the local biker club.) Unfortunately, this stuff only happens in movies.

You have to develop some more self respect. What kind of a guy would want to be with a girl who is fooling around with another guy, doesn't have the courage or respect for you to talk to you when caught, blows you off, etc.?

Of course, there is a part of me that really likes the idea of sleeping with her best friend, particularly if she's really hot. But first, make sure you do some reading or get some advice to make sure that it is the most mind-blowing, multi-orgasmic, makes-her-see-God sex she's ever had, so you'll be sure she tells your ex about it.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 384 (view)
 
Why don't tall men choose to date tall women?
Posted: 9/17/2008 8:06:52 AM
Well, I didn't wade through all the posts, but at 6'3" myself, I would gladly date a taller woman. (Okay, to be honest, at this point, I'd be happy to get a date with just about ANY woman...) The problem I've found is that tall women (over 5'9") seem to be firmly in the minority.

I've even went so far as to put a profile on a specialty dating site that aims to match tall folks up with other tall folks, or fans of tall folks. Even there, the vast majority of women were under 5'7".

I did go out on one date with a woman who was an inch taller than me. It was one of the hottest first dates I've ever been on, and it was a real kick seeing the way people were staring at us (a 6'3" guy with a 6'4" woman.) Of course, the fact that she was bat-shiat crazy resulted in no second date, but still it was fun.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 51 (view)
 
How do I Respond to a Profile With Limited Information
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:40:33 PM

Why do you want to talk to her at all? Maybe men should learn to lay off women that don't put an effort into it. And since men are held to a rediculous standard of BS as to make themselves standout, why are you guys letting women get away with things like that? Honestly.


I tend to agree with this. I won't contact someone with a scant profile. To do so is the equivalent of a catcall, because in reality you're initiating a conversation with someone based solely on looks. Yu see a hot woman (or picture of a hot woman) who you know absolutely nothing about, and you holler out.

To each their own, though.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Why would a man send that kind of pic?????
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:00:37 PM

I get my share of random nude pictures of women I haven't even gotten to know yet.


Damnit, I must've missed that feature when I set up my profile. Where do I sign up to receive "my share of random nude pictures of women I haven't even gotten to know yet?"

I ain't even gotten one yet, and I've been here well over a year...
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Emails are read right away, but reply takes days???
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:13:59 PM
I really wish that was the case with these guys, but if it were me, I wouldn't want to miss out on meeting someone by appearing that I'm ignoring them, you know? And that's how it's feeling to me.


You're being way oversensitive. These guys don't even know you yet. Why would you expect them to respond to you immediately? No offense, but how high up on their priority list do you think you should be?

Most people have lots of things going on in their lives. Work, kids, school, clubs/organizations, church, exercise, etc... But you seem to want them to drop what they're doing to reply to you right away. I'm not saying that you are, but your expectations make you sound like a very demanding person. What's the rush? If a girl I've never even ment can't give me a day or two to think about what I want to say, or take care of things in my life, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with her.

Again, it sounds like you're expecting guys to be racing to talk with you. You must be pretty hot stuff.

Just be glad they're talking to you, especially with a no pic scarcely filled out profile.

Not trying to bash, but your expectations are way out of whack.

 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Freedom
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:06:25 PM
Freedom to a guy definitely means more then just sex.

Sometimes it's nice to be able to do what you want, when you want, without needing to check in or be accountable to anyone other than yourself. No matter how badly women think we behave when with them, in reality, we really are usually behaving far better then we would be otherwise.

It could be anything, maybe on the spur of the moment head down to Vegas for a weekend... or wear grubby old t-shirst... or live on nothing except beer and nachos for a week... who knows? We just like to know that freedom it there... we are really a lot more simple then the opposite sex likes to think


Amen. Especeially for a relatively young guy just coming off a long term relationship.

Once you're in a relationship, you're responsible to someone else, and that isn't free.

Freedom isn't just about sex. In fact, it usually ISN'T about sex.

The poor guy has been in a relationship since he was 19. I can't fault him for not wanting to immediately jump into another relationship...
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Need some insight here guys...
Posted: 9/12/2008 1:59:47 PM
Yeah. The comment about the blue balls, right on. You warmed him up, rejected him, and then YOU had the nerve to get pissed at HIM because he didn't call you later that night?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then, the day after you shot him down and sent him a passive aggressive text message, he tactfully tries to find out how serious you are about him. Sounds pretty reasonable to me.

As a guy, I might be wondering in the same situation.

I think you owe him an apology for sending mixed messages and being passive aggressive.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Emails are read righht away, but reply takes day???
Posted: 9/12/2008 1:53:35 PM
Maybe they are too busy at the moment to spend time thinking about and composing an email to a woman they're trying to impress.

I know that frequently, I'll log in when I have a second. I have long enough to read, but not long enough to type out a response.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Mild or Wild?
Posted: 9/12/2008 10:35:44 AM
Wild, in a mild suit.

I guess it depends on how you define "wild." Wild as in party animal, or wild as in, have to have something exciting going on?

I will drop anything for an adventure. I, too once sold my car and rode across the country on my bike (motorcycle, not bicycle...not sure what the previous person meant.) I've also been in the Peace Corps where I lived in pretty primitive conditions. I've got a penchant for a certain non-tobacco smoke... So, I guess those things would lean me towards wild.

On the other hand, I work with kids programming, meditate, don't drink alcohol, eat lots of fiber, so that would tend towards mild...

Damn, I'm so confused!
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 131 (view)
 
My therory on big guys(no not talking about his*****)
Posted: 9/12/2008 5:23:06 AM

So, what you're saying.........is that if I lost 200lbs. I'd gain 6.67 inches??

I have, roughly, that much now!!!

So, that would put me upto 13-14 inches!!!

I seriously think that Dr. OZ has his head up his azz, or someone else's!!!


Excellent point. Maybe I should stay fat instead of trying to get more fit. If I lost all my extra weight, it would get expensive having to sew that third pantleg into all of my pants. I mean, where else would I keep it?
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 381 (view)
 
Red heads...
Posted: 9/11/2008 10:28:34 AM

I dont think the color of hair dictates whether or not you are nuts or not!!


Completely agree. I've dated blondes, brunettes and redheads, and they were ALL crazy.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 127 (view)
 
My therory on big guys(no not talking about his*****)
Posted: 9/11/2008 10:26:59 AM

Dr. Oz says for every 30 pounds of weight a man carry's he loses a inch off his penis. So, If the guy is a really big guy, what the heck would be left? You would not be able to find it on a 3 0r 4oo pound man. The woman would have to do all the work in the sex department. Because he would tire too easily.


Well, I don't know about most fat guy's penis size, as I've really only seen one (my own) but I can say at 6'3" and 300+ pounds I've not had any complaints in that department. In fact, quite the contrary. And, just because a guy is overweight doesn't mean he can't keep up sexually. At the risk of being TOO personal here, I took a look at your profile and you're not exactly a skinny-minny. Does that mean YOU can't keep up? I'd be much more worried about someone who, aside from sex, doesn't engage in any physical activity or someone who smokes regularly being able to keep up. Remember, weight is only ONE sign of physical fitness.

I have a sneaky suspicion that Dr. Oz might have stated that as a way to get more guys to buy his diet books or, probably more likely, to get more women to buy his book for their overweight husbands, hoping to find an extra inch or 2 of fun. There is no more tried and true advertising technique than to claim whatever your selling will increase your (or your man's) penis size. But then again I'm skeptical by nature.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
guys who just talk about themselves
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:23:04 PM

I have met a couple of guys who had lotsa similar interests to me and they have lots of interesting stuff to say and are good looking. They seem to be interested in meeting me and talking to me, but they mostly talk about themselves. In emails, it is usually
just about themselves or during MSN talks. I am really just wondering if other women have had this experience with dating and if there are any recommended ways to deal with it. Like otherwise they are good, so is there something I am doing to cause this (usually I just get kinda quiet, and do the uh-huh, uh-huh or ask questions or talk a bit, because I don`t really like talking when the person hasn`t asked a question or seem interested in what I have to say). It`s frustrating cuz it has happened a couple times where otherwise I would like to date them more, and I don`t meet guys who I feel that way for very often. Any thoughts are appreciated. Thank-you!


I once took a course in communications. It was interesting, but Ireally prefer to study more enjoyable topics, like music or yoga. I suppose it stems from my childhood when I took piano lessons, and discovered I had a natural talent for it. I never really fully developed my piano playing, but took the music theory I knew and applied to my guitar playing, and now I'd say I'm pretty decent at it.

You see, I had a lot of down time while living overseas (I was in the South Pacific, did I mention that?) and without electricity, the only recreational activity I really had was guitar. All that practice time allowed me to become a pretty decent player.

What REALLY sucked was when I lived in Arizona and...what, did you say something?

 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Dating 101
Posted: 9/10/2008 12:44:41 PM
What is the first thing you notice about a girl?? Whether there is 6'10" guy with his arms around her and his eyes planted firmly on me, giving me the "who the f- do you think you're looking at" look. Then, the way she carries herself (confidence is sexy.)

Is it the clothes she is wearing?? Depends, I will immediately notice a pretty girl in a dress or skirt. It is becoming more rare these days, and, well, I'm old-fashioned that way.

The conversation?? Not too much. As I'm guessing you've just met, there are bound to be nerves involved in shaping the conversation, but she does need to have one nugget of interestingness to follow up on.

The group of friends she is with? Sex-in-the-city-sisterhood-of-travelling-pants-pack=BAD.

The hair or eye colour? Yup, particularly if it's red. (either hair or eyes! LOL)

Whether she is skinny/average or large?? Of course.

Would you prefer the quiet shy type...or the loud personality?? Quiet, mysterious type. "Brassy" women are not my thing.

What attracts you to a girl?? Her possession of a vagina. Seriously, it is all about the way she carries herself. Quiet confidence is a HUGE turn on for me.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
I Feel A Bit Unreasonable - What Do You Think?
Posted: 9/10/2008 12:32:07 PM

Most women are like that, you are not the only one. Women always pay the most attention to the smallest of mundaine details, as that is where you can find out the most about the person. There is also something to be said about correct spelling.


So what can I assess about you based on the fact that you misspelled the word mundane in your post?

So not only do I now have to worry about how I look, how much $$ I have, maintaining my sense of humor, balancing moving too fast or too slow, but also my spelling, all while being hyped up from talking to a new woman?



Seriously, if he gets it wrong once, correct him. If he gets it wrong again, then you can make your choice...
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 103 (view)
 
Why do guys avoid talking about problems?
Posted: 9/10/2008 11:00:16 AM

I prefer ham, thank you very much.

And yes they ARE better. They spend hours upon hours, pretty much daily, communicating.

Guys can go 6 months without talking to a friend and basically act like they've not missed a beat.
Women wouldn't consider someone a friend if there wasn't close, personal, consistent communication on a more frequent level!


Why is that "better?" Men, I would argue, are much more concise and efficient communicators. It doesn't take us hours and hours day upon day to communicate our needs, wants, emotions and thoughts. Why does that make us "worse" communicators?

Just because women spend more time communicating doesn't mean they're better at it.

An example:
Man - "Fire! Everybody out of the theatre!"
Woman - "Oh my gawd, when I went to the bathroom I noticed this woman with this incredible purse. It was all sparkly and silver and totally matched her shoes. She was over by the poster advertising that new Matthew McConeghy(sp?) movie - He is gorgeous!- Then I went up to the concession stand where the incompetent clerk treated me with total disrespect, and I was like, um, come on. But she got what she deserved because as I stood there with her ignoring me, the popcorn machine started smoking and caught on fire. Anywho--you should probably think about heading out because when I walked back in here, the fire had spread into the lobby and was heading this way."

Another Example:

Situation 1:
Woman: "What's wrong, honey?"
Man: "I'm pissed cause you made me go dress shopping with you."

Situation 2:
Man: "What's wrong honey?"
Woman: "Oh, nothing."
Man: "are you sure, because you look ticked off?"
Woman: "No, I'm fine
Man" "you're sure you're okay going to the monster truck show with me?"
Woman: "I'm fine"
Man: "allright then."
Woman (6 months later:) "You insensitive a$$! How dare you make me go to the monster truck show when the new season af Grey's Anatomy was starting that night. You should have known that that was my 6th favorite show!"

Really, which style is "better?"
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
What constitutes a bad lover?
Posted: 9/10/2008 10:42:21 AM
Tigerwoods0924 pretty much hits it on the head.

Other bad lover traits for a woman as far as I'm concerned:
-Lack of enthusiasm or acting like they're just doing you a favor.
-Poor hygiene
-Unwillingness to be imaginative
-Not being open about her wants needs and fantasies with her partner (hey, we ain't mind readers, especially when the blood that usually runs our brains is occupied somwhere else...)
-And my personal pet peeve, selfishness (expecting your man to do all sorts of nasty/freaky stuff for you but not being willing to do the same for him.)
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Why do guys avoid talking about problems?
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:19:23 AM

Women are the great communicators, not men.


Baloney. Men and women are DIFFERENT communicators. Women are not BETTER communicators.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 1175 (view)
 
can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers?
Posted: 9/10/2008 8:30:57 AM

Sure, there are burned out losers out there, but I also personally know doctors, lawyers, judges, policemen, executive directors, teachers, tri-athletes, nurses, and government officials who all occasionally enjoy the herb.


Hey, now you can add published author, scientist/inventor/patent-holder and engineer - the stuff I work on sometimes goes to other planets. It's a little tough to hear Ms. Graphic Arts Assistant tell me I'm a loser for smoking pot. Kinda makes me want to climb into my bong and drown myself.



It isn't about the herb folks. Its about how you live your life.




Right, it IS tough to hear Ms. Graphic Artist Assitant call me out on my loser-ness. All I've done with my life is helped thousands of kids (many who were abused and neglected) lead productive and happy lives. Dang, I was feeling pretty pleased with my life until I realized that I truly am a loser and the great things I've done in my short 30 years on this planet have been all for naught because I've chosen, on occasion, to smoke herb...bummer.








Does that mean I get the next spot in the rotation AND double puff pass privilege?

 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 1173 (view)
 
can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers?
Posted: 9/10/2008 7:52:16 AM

And to that guy who has a shelf full of grammys and a 5 million dollar home and a $300 a day pot habit, I would say---you sir are a loser.


Okay, but you may be setting your sights a bit high (pun intended...)

Also, I don't know where you're shopping, but I don't think I could blow through $300 a day if I had a pot I.V. drip...

This attitude of, "No matter what someone has accomplished, done with their lives, how they've improved the world, they are still a loser if they smoke pot" is hillarious.

Why? Is it because it is a vice, and you think anyone with a vice is a loser? If that is the case, then you'll have to weed out (again, pun intended) pretty much everyone, because pretty much everyone has at least 1 vice.

Is it because it is illegal, and if you break the law you're a loser? There goes everyone who jaywalks, speeds, keeps 1 to many pets, doesn't use turn signals...

Is it because they like sometimes functioning in an altered state of mind? There goes everyone who drinks, runs (ever heard of a runner's high?,)does yoga, meditates, prays...

Is it because it is unhealthy? There goes everyone who eats trans fats, enjoys Micky Dee's, likes ice cream, doesn't exercise enough...

It is comical the extreme notion that people have about pot smokers. Sure, there are burned out losers out there, but I also personally know doctors, lawyers, judges, policemen, executive directors, teachers, tri-athletes, nurses, and government officials who all occasionally enjoy the herb. It isn't about the herb folks. Its about how you live your life.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 363 (view)
 
Red heads...
Posted: 9/9/2008 1:53:03 PM
Always had a major thing for redheads. I think it is because they are rare. Depending on the shade of red can make them look absolutely adorable or super-sexy vixens.

Of course, there's always the "connect the dots" game that is a lot of fun, too!

Sign me up for 1 (or 2.)
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 96 (view)
 
Why do guys avoid talking about problems?
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:41:19 AM

sometimes guys subconciously want u to care about wha they think but dont relize thats why they hide.. kinda like playing hard to get.... it shows that u r a caring person and its a great thing u went over there and talked to him cuz he probly really actually did want u to. If u didn't care or anything and just left him alone then he would feel like u don't care about him.....


NO!!!!!! This could not be more wrong. I'm hereby officially revoking your "man card."
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 1147 (view)
 
can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers?
Posted: 9/8/2008 10:08:05 AM

couple of problems here.......i'm sure you'd agree that if you are a pot smoker and the woman is not well....you wouldn't have much in common....i mean you're sitting around blazin while she's wonderin what the he*l she's doin with you in the first place...on the other side of it is this: what if she quit years ago (herself).....and the mere site or scent of weed drives her crazy.....gives her cravings for the "buzz"....and ends up costing her...her career maybe.... her sanity...hmm and maybe enough her self proclaimed drug free existence.....i believe there are many things (likes and dislikes) a couple can NOT have in common but, this one my friend....

i don't think so!

it's kinda like pairing up an alcoholic with someone who got clean at rehab 10 years ago!


Okay, now that is just plain silly. By your argument, I can't date anyone who drinks alcohol, as I do not do so myself. She'd have a glass or three of wine, and I'd be sitting there wondering to myself what I was doing with her in the first place, because we clearly have little in common.

Now, I would agree with your point if the smoker is a chronic user (pun intended.) Of course, not many folks will want to be involved with someone who is a substance abuser, rather than a user (regardless of the particular substance.) For instance, I would be totally fine with a woman who has a few drinks, and maybe even gets drunk once in awhile, but I would NOT be okay with a girl who drinks every day or who has to have a drink in her before she can function.

I got dragged into the legalization side debate on this thread about about 15-20 pages ago, and am not interested in getting involved in that conversation again as it has been beaten to death. All I can say is vote yes on prop 1 in Michigan!

I can say that there are non-partakers out there who "deal with" pot-smokers quite well. I have a family member who doesn't partake, but her husband does. They've been married over 10 years now and appear to be pretty happy. And yes, they have lots in common (it might surprise you to know that a lot of pot smokers have interests aside from the herb.)
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Do you really have to fix it?
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:54:01 PM
Why not turn that question around to the man's point of view and ask, "why do women have to bi-atch to us about stuff when they aren't going to do anything about it?"
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 104 (view)
 
My therory on big guys(no not talking about his*****)
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:45:24 PM
As a big guy, I know that my size has turned off some women. I've also dated a number of women and have female friends who very much prefer large men. Just like I'm sure my shaved head has turned some women off, while others are into it. Just like some women like the way I dress and others probably think I'm a fashion dunce. Just like some find my sense of humor hillarious while others find it annoying...

My stance; who cares? In the words of Popeye, "I yam what I yam." Could I lose some poundage? Definitely! Will I ever look like an Abercrombie model? Definitely NOT! People are attracted to what they're attracted to. Even though I'll probably get flamed for this, I'll admit, I'm not attracted to big women (curvy/average/womanly/a few extra pounds are great.) Does that make me a bad person? I don't think it does. Why would I want to date a woman who isn't attracted to me any more than I'd want to convince myself that I'm attracted to someone I'm not?

I agree with the posters who said it isn't so much the size/weight as it is what you do with it. I think nothing of taking a spontaneous 5-10 mile hike even though I'm quite overweight. I've had exes who would be considered an average, thin or fit build who couldn't even come close to keeping up with me.

I'd also say that there is a HUGE cultural component to this debate. I lived overseas on a Pacific island for awhile. In this country, bigger was considered to be more attractive for both men and women. This was a great situation for me because I was considered, as a large guy, to be a hot commodity, while the women I was attracted to were available and happy to be with me because they weren't used to having such an "attractive" guy hit on them.
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 75 (view)
 
his longest relationship was 3 months and he is nearly 38.
Posted: 9/3/2008 1:00:50 PM

Give it up already.

The OP posted in this thread that she's currently seeing the guy, and so far they're very happy together.
Nothing else really matters.




Most relationships don't last for the rest of people's lives, but the vast majority of people in their late 30s will have had, at least, where longevity can be counted in years, rather than days or weeks.
A failed relationship, is a failed relationship.
Whether it failed after the tenth week, or after the tenth year.

As far as I'm concerned: if someone's on a dating site, single and looking to meet someone, they've got no damn reason to be judging anyone else for being single and hoping to meet someone.
Some people may have had numerous marriages/relationships that didn't work. Others may have been perennially single. But, basically, they're all just single people who, for whatever reason, still haven't met the right person yet.

If you're prepared to bash someone for being single, maybe you should be prepared to be bashed for being single?


"Hi Pot, I'd like you to meet my friend, Kettle. Oh, I see you've already met, and identified his blackness."
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Why do guys avoid talking about problems?
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:46:50 AM

Hey OP, I'm not disputing that it worked for you this time, just that you went against what felt naturally right for him, and if you keep on doing it it will eventually make him feel weak and controlled.


AMEN! As someone who has been in a relationship like that, it will wear out even the best of us. Not only are you telling him that you disagree with his point in whatever argument you're having, you're implying that he is wrong or "less than" you for not approaching the problem solving process YOUR way.

I also agree that it is a two way street. His preferred method of dealing with it may bey to not deal with it at all, ever. That is the impression I got from reading your posts. So wouldn't a reasonable compromise between "we have to talk this through right now" and "I don't want to address this issue ever" be "lets talk about this in a day or two when I've had some time to think?" Wouldn't that be a good faith effort by both parties to respect the other person's needs? After all, isn't that what this is really about? Not who's approach is right or wrong, but how can you find common ground.


He tells me that he really wants to share all his feelings with me and if anything like this happens in the future, and he feels like he needs space, instead of hanging up on me, he will just say, I need some time before we talk about this.


Despite appearing incredibly dense in this thread, it sounds like you've reached a very fair solution which will respect his need for time and space and your need to have things addressed rather than bottled up. Hope it works out for the 2 of you!
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Why do guys avoid talking about problems?
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:30:15 AM
With all due respect, OP, if I told someone that I wasn't ready to talk about an issue and they then drove to my house to force the issue, I'd be PO'd big time. Some people need time and space to think things through, evaluate the different view points, etc.

I agree that bottling things up indefinitely is bad news, but it sounds like he gave you apretty clear indication that he would talk with you at a specific later time.

You "forcing" him into your particular problem solving approach is no different than him forcing you into his. How would you react if he just told you to shut up and think for a day?
 
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