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 Author Thread: No Affection
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 62 (view)
 
No Affection
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:18:19 PM
I've had the same problem. Met a really great guy that I enjoyed spending time with, but he was not into kissing and affection and honestly I can't really get turned on without that kind of intimacy and feeling close to someone. So, I just could not date him. It was such a shame because I really like him in all other respects. :(
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Expectations
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:09:20 PM
I had the same issues so I did a little research. Some guys have been reading info from sites like "How to Seduce a Woman" and other such sites on how to "get" women. Apparently, other men have been giving them bad advice on how to manipulate women into being interested in them. Apparently, they don't feel very confident in just being themselves. When they do not respond they are trying to get the upper hand and get you to chase after them. My view is this. If they want to play games, I'm not interested and I will not talk to them. But you can do whatever you want. But for an eye opener just google some sites like the one I listed. You will get hundreds of sites and you will get clued into why men act the way they do.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 240 (view)
 
Will Capitalism Fail?
Posted: 6/30/2012 4:11:21 AM
Regarding poverty in america; http://www.worldvisionusprograms.org/us_poverty_myths.php

Myth: People who are poor are lazy.

Fact: In 2008, 4.5 million families living in poverty had at least one member in the labor force. (U.S. Department of Labor, 2010)

Myth: Those living in poverty just want to stay there.

Fact: Millions of Americans move in and out of poverty over a lifetime. More than half the U.S. population will live in poverty at some point before age 65. (Urban Institute, 2010)



Note: most of the poor have worked in their lives and paid into the systems that they are using in times of distress.
The three most common reasons people fall into situational poverty are illness, divorce, and job loss.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 239 (view)
 
Will Capitalism Fail?
Posted: 6/30/2012 4:08:21 AM
Great article: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/13/opinion/sunday/fables-of-wealth.html

There was a documentary several years ago called “The Corporation” that accepted the premise that corporations are persons and then asked what kind of people they are. The answer was, precisely, psychopaths: indifferent to others, incapable of guilt, exclusively devoted to their own interests.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Woman gives birth to almost 14-pound son
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:15:07 AM
I can't even imagine why they are letting women have vaginal deliveries at these sizes! What is this doing to women's bodies!! Holy crap! They had to cut me and my son was only 7lbs 9 oz. It makes me hurt for these poor women! They know how big these babies are going to be! Why are they not doing more C sections for women who need it???
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Bunnies vs cantalopes
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:43:04 PM
Human hair in a cut off pair of pantyhose will do it. Collect it when you get your next hair cut. :)
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
movie, City of Angels
Posted: 6/3/2012 10:58:17 PM
He wanted to be mortal. He felt love, now he gets to feel pain.
Its only fair. Isn't that what the human experience is all about?
Ya don't just get the good parts.

Actually, I thought the moral of the story was... be careful what you wish for...
you may get what you want, but you don't know for how long.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 104 (view)
 
Will Capitalism Fail?
Posted: 6/2/2012 10:42:32 AM
Thanks Grandmabooboo! That was spot on! We are being forced into socialism because the greed and criminal aspects that abuse capitalism has failed our society! Capitalism only works if it is also ethical and fair to all. So sad.

Its like cheating in Monopoly, and then being sad that the game ended so quickly.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Just a free meal?
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:07:46 PM
I guess I'm a terrible actress. I could never sit through an entire meal with someone I didn't actually like to talk to just for the sake of a meal. That takes some major players. It never seems to astound me what people are willing to do to use people though. Amazing.

Best advice above ^^^^^^ Only meet for coffee or a drink for starters. Less painful on the wallet if they bail.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
One way conversations
Posted: 5/30/2012 10:23:42 PM
Women are guarded online. We are usually waiting for you to start talking about sex or in some way acting rude and inappropriate. 99% of "nice" messages end up that way. So, give her some time to respond. Show her you are a decent guy. She might warm up to you. But please remember we get mostly obnoxious messages and have become very cautious about who we talk to.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Will Capitalism Fail?
Posted: 5/29/2012 7:51:33 PM
When people take advantage of the system, taking the most profits possible while paying workers less that they actually could afford, running companies into bankruptcy and keeping CEO salaries high, getting bailouts from the government but not passing on the benefits to customers, etc... won't the whole system eventually fail? At what point does the freedom to make a profit without government interference become exploitation and abuse? Someone told me recently, "Well, so and so didn't do anything illegal." Just because something is legal, does not make it ethical nor does it mean it will support the system in which it thrives. Will Capitalism eventually destroy itself through greed?
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Does growing up with members of the opposite sex in your family give you an advantage with dating?
Posted: 5/29/2012 6:40:23 PM
I grew up with 5 younger brothers and many male cousins. It probably helps in the sense of comfort level. I'm very comfortable around men and men seem to be comfortable around me. I have many male friends. However, that still isn't going to help you have a good relationship with the opposite sex. That still depends on the kind of person you meet and how you treat each other.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Going hairiy the first date
Posted: 5/27/2012 8:03:19 PM
It's meant to stop the woman...out of embarrassment, not the man! And it can work, depends on the woman and her comfort level.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Is a kiss really just a kiss?
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:54:17 AM
I just read an article that said kissing is the way we get a preview of the other person's DNA. The way we taste and smell gives you the basis of what the other person has to offer from their (ahem) genes. ;)

I find kissing to be extremely important. It is more intimate than sex. It is communication and drums up passion and connection. A bad kisser is a dealbreaker. So is the smell and taste. Not bad breath because you need a tic tac, but the way someone smells really does affect how I connect with that person. I have met people that I could not stand the way they smelled/tasted. Total turn off. Recently, I met someone who I was wildly attracted to and really liked his personality as well, but the kiss was just not there to create any kind of connection, intimacy or passion. No chemistry. Sooo dissapointing. :(
But, I suspect this is not necessarily the same for men.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
is it possible for a man to go multi times?
Posted: 5/26/2012 12:05:14 PM
Actually it is possible. I met one man who could go multiple times with maybe 5 min rest inbetween. I'm guessing its a rare occurance though. He was in his 30s.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/24/2012 7:33:24 PM
I've always thought my friends were attractive. And I admire them for the unique qualities that made them that way. We are all beautiful in our own way. I don't understand the jealousy and hatred. If anything, it always makes me want to work harder on myself. It should be good competition as ways to improve ourselves, not petty and jealous.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
The best things in life are free
Posted: 5/24/2012 10:54:28 AM
Someone to enjoy the simple things with. Laying on a blanket under the trees on a summers day, with the sun filtering through the leaves, birds singing, and children playing. The smell of fresh mowed grass. A walk in the moonlight. Rainy days spent snuggled in bed. A cup of coffee in the morning. A day at the lake. Cooking hamburgers on the grill. A glass of wine. Hanging with friends around the fire. Laughter.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Trying so hard.... No results?
Posted: 5/23/2012 9:54:21 PM
Antidepressents are better than suicide. If you ever feel that bad, be sure and seek help. I don't advocate drugs but they are necessary at times and people shouldn't be suffering when there is help available. I take pain meds that have side effects, but I'm not going to give them up and be in pain constantly either. Antidressents are there for the same reason.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Theory.
Posted: 5/23/2012 9:47:21 PM
I agree. Reality is much better. But that doesn't mean we are prepared to deal with the all the realities out there. We live in an instant gratification society. We want love or sex or a relationship and we want it now. And now due to the internet we can try to find it. It is the reason we women are constantly complaining about getting hit up for sex constantly. But, however we may dislike being treated like objects, it is the reality in many men's minds. And men have to deal with women who want instant love or relationships. We are just exposed to everyone's fantasies and everyone's wants. It can be overwhelming, dissapointing and discouraging. To say the least.
Hopefully, with discussion we can find like minded people who want more than the instant coffee version of love. People who are willing to cultivate friendship and trust and find true chemistry with someone we actually like. But, I think that will take more than looking for it online. I see the online dating scene simply as a distraction. Just a way to keep in touch with others, and who knows the hope that I might find the right person. However, I think it would be more fruitful to find activities to do where you actually meet people IRL. I recently joined a few clubs the meet in my area as a way of getting back out there. I think I will get more reward from meeting real people than dealing with people's online fantasies. But that's just my opinion.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/22/2012 10:58:43 AM
Is seems as though in competition, men tend to try to do better than the other guy, while women try to sabatoge the other woman. Not all of course, insecure men will sabatoge and cheat, and confident women will try to better themselves. There must be a lot more insecure women, I've sure come across alot of them in work situations.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
For the guys with confidence issues about looks
Posted: 5/21/2012 10:07:16 PM
Well there ya go, I think Vince Vaughn is hot in a smart, nerdy, funny sorta way. lol
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
For the guys with confidence issues about looks
Posted: 5/21/2012 8:39:14 PM
No question, its a follow-up from several other posts. Just an FYI. :)
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
For the guys with confidence issues about looks
Posted: 5/21/2012 8:27:20 PM
From Cracked.com.
http://www.cracked.com/article_18866_5-reasons-women-are-as-shallow-as-men-according
-to-science.html?wa_user1=4&wa_user2=Sex&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended

Excerpt:
You often see a woman in love with what appears to be a horrible-looking creature and assume they looked past his appearance, when it's very likely she thinks that monstrosity is sexy incarnate. For example, many of you men might have asked why girls you know are swooning over Edward from Twilight when he looks like a prancing homosexual. Well, many women find an aura of prancing homosexuality extremely hot. Others find musclebound jocks hot. Others like waifish nerds. Sure, men also differ in their tastes, but not as broadly as women, who are apparently all over the god damn place. Scientists guess it might have something to do with helping women avoid fighting over men too much. If I like nerds and my friend likes jocks, we get to stay friends. (Until her boyfriend stuffs mine in a locker I guess.) Another interesting idea from the study is that this might be a reason why women have to worry so much more about body image - because there actually is a "right" set of characteristics that the majority of guys agree on. Conversely, because women are so scattered in what they like physically, there isn't one "right" way for men to look. This is why People Magazine always gets confused and puts people like Vince Vaughn and Ian McShane on its Sexiest Men Alive lists.

So, there ya go. Discuss.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
!
Posted: 5/21/2012 6:38:57 PM
Absolutely not true. I have met men who I thought were gorgeous from across the room and after meeting them, instantly didn't find them attractive based on lack of intelligence, bad attitude, or horrible personality. By the same accord, I have met men who I wouldn't look twice at, and after meeting them, thought they were extremely sexy and attractive based on confidence, sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, etc... It is ALL about who you are, not what you look like. Confidence is not arrogance or being a jerk, confidence is about owning who you are, believing in yourself and showing people that. If who you are is selfish, mean and conceited then of course no one will like you! lol
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Completely baffled by this....
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:37:31 PM
Women will always test you. Not because we are into games, but because men lie to get what they want. We are looking at your BEHAVIOR. So we test to see what you will DO. Get it? If you weren't willing to stay and cuddle all night because she wasn't giving you sex, she just found out what you really wanted. Your behavior told her that it wasn't enough to just spend time with her. You wanted sex and if you didn't get it, you just didn't see the point of hanging out. You failed her test of character.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Who do people compare you too???
Posted: 5/19/2012 8:32:05 AM
Thanks petygrace80, I'll take it. lol
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Sex and Aspergers
Posted: 5/19/2012 4:16:21 AM
Do people with Aspergers have a hard time connecting emotionally and intimately to someone? Is that why many talk about not being in a relationship? I would think that the emotional connection is what leads to sex and lack of it would be problematic?
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Who do people compare you too???
Posted: 5/19/2012 12:22:31 AM
When I was younger with a curly perm, Kellie McGillis from Top Gun.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why Are Women So Mean to Other Women?
Posted: 5/19/2012 12:13:45 AM
It is alive and well in grown adult women, especially in the workplace. My guess is that it comes from competition for men and/or resources. If they feel threatened by some women, they become competitive and nasty. I have been a victim of it many times in school and work. I just avoid those women as much as possible. They are immature and have low self esteem. I do my own thing and trust in my own abilities. No need for competition when you have good self worth and a positive attitude. :)
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
The Pizza thread.!!!
Posted: 5/18/2012 8:51:19 PM
BBQ Chicken Bacon Flatbread

Crust of choice
Shredded cooked chicken
1-2 green onion sliced
Bacon bits
Bbq sauce
Pizza blend shredded cheese
Parmesan Cheese


I buy a gluten free pre-cooked individual sized crust. Layer on the chicken, bacon and green onion. Top with your choice of cheese and put it under the broiler for a few min. When you take it out, drizzle a Tbsp of bbq sauce across the top and slice. Absolutely addictive!
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 4:29:59 PM
People also self sabotage because they are afraid of losing what they have. They feel that they aren't good enough and that you will eventually realize this and leave them, therefore, they will ruin things before they face their worst fears of being abandonded. Its safer than being surprised one day and suddenly being left behind.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Aspergers
Posted: 5/17/2012 8:45:56 PM
Thanks TheSilentMan that really helped. I tried to email you with some questions, but your account didnt allow me to.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Ahhhh.....thunder!! (and other sounds from nature).....
Posted: 5/17/2012 8:05:32 PM
Ohhhhh the crackle of a fire is so awesome. I forgot about tree frogs and Spring peepers. The whinny and snort of the horses munching grass in the pasture. The wind blowing across the prairie grasses.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
white slavery
Posted: 5/17/2012 5:26:44 PM
Not to mention the whole sex slave industry of women and children that still exists all over the world today. Who knows, your neighbor might go to Asia to have sex with a child and you don't know about it. What about molestation of children in families? Or a man who abuses his wife or girlfriend? Slavery is nothing new and probably won't change as long as someone finds pleasure in controling and using another person.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Aspergers
Posted: 5/17/2012 11:24:35 AM
Thanks PointingWestav. My nephew is 14 so this is exactly what he is dealing with as well. He doesn't realize that talking about sex in front of his grandmother or flirting with his relatives is inappropriate. We have to constantly tell him what is right and wrong. He is also obsessed with porn and is not getting a lot of parental supervision either. But he is a loving kid and has a good heart. I guess we will just have to keep directing him as to what is right and wrong in dealing with relationships.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Ahhhh.....thunder!! (and other sounds from nature).....
Posted: 5/16/2012 10:42:20 PM
Mourning Doves, Whip O Will, Meadowlark, Red Wing Blackbird. Rain. The thunderstorm rolling in slowly across the prairie for miles. A child's laughter.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Aspergers
Posted: 5/16/2012 10:25:07 PM
We think my nephew may have Aspergers. Can you tell me anything about what it is like to date someone with Aspergers? What challenges there are? What they need or how they can deal with relationships? Any advice would be helpful.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
advice
Posted: 5/16/2012 10:04:11 PM
She's not feeling the immediate attraction or she doesn't get the impression you are that into her. She is wanting you to pursue her a little and show her what you've got to offer. I've dated people that I wasn't immediately attracted to but they won me over with their sense of humor, interest, and personality. I later found them to be much more attractive based on who they were rather than how they looked. Step up your game and show her what a great guy you are! :) It may or may not work.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Do women kiss on the first date to be just nice?
Posted: 5/16/2012 9:57:18 PM
A kiss is a great way to see if you have chemistry. Perhaps it didn't do much for her.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Nightmares and Dreams: What do you dream about?
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:01:28 PM
I dream about travel or water. There is a great online dream dictionary that I use to look up symbols of dreams.
http://www.dreemmoods.com/dreamdictionary/
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/10/2012 3:43:11 PM
Good point sunnyridge. Which is the true definition of a sociopath.... someone who is influenced by society create the criteria for a psychopath. Perhaps our society is creating sociopaths and that is why we run across them so often. Maybe too many people are so used to them they don't even notice there is a problem with their behavior anymore.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 516 (view)
 
The War on American Women
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:45:19 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^Amen to that Casper66!! People always pass judgement but seldom participate in the solution.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
the funniest comedy on TV is the Big Bang Theory
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:13:28 PM
It is very funny. But I really like Community too. Very cerebral as well.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Emotion or time
Posted: 5/9/2012 9:54:06 AM
That instant feeling is called chemistry and lust. True feelings develop over time. Friendship should be the basis to grow on. People often put on an act or try to seem better than they are. The only way you really know anyone is through time spent together. Period.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:42:41 AM
If you usually fall hard and fast and it doesn't work... maybe falling slowly will be different and better? Can't get different results by doing the same thing over and over.... as they say. :) Good luck!
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What would you say if a man said feelings arenot important.
Posted: 5/6/2012 1:18:21 AM
LMAO @ Igorfrankensteen. That was a great insight and advice!
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
I need advice on mending a broken soul
Posted: 5/6/2012 12:01:12 AM
Gregory Vice, Thank you for sharing your story. What a compassionate person you are. I am moved by your motivation to feel for this girl. Of all the things we read on the forums it was nice to hear a story about someone showing kindness and compassion towards a woman that you have just met. As suggested, of course, it is not your place to heal her and she has much pain to work through. However, who of us cannot use another friend? If your motivations are true and you don't feel romantic toward this girl, but really are concerned for her, just be her friend. Tell her that you admirer courage and then just be kind to her. When you see her, say hello. Make her laugh. Give her encouragement. Just be a friend. We all need each other to heal the wounds of life. Just receiving a smile from another is healing in itself. And don't ever lose your ability to feel for others. You should feel proud to be one of the few who take the time to help their fellow man (or woman). Kudos.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/4/2012 1:14:04 PM
As I suspected....great article:

"I remember a significant half dozen of these in my life. One narcissist in particular avoids me like the plague because he knows that I do not ultimately plan my life around whether people like me or not. Hence my behavior cannot be controlled by him. He is threatened by my self-assuredness. I’m not safe to him."

From psychcentral: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
cancer...
Posted: 5/3/2012 7:56:06 PM
The last thing you need to worry about right now is dating! Take care of yourself. Spend time with your friends and loved ones. Your girlfriend is a jerk for leaving you, but you can move past that. Fight your cancer and for your future! You can date when you have beat that damn C!!
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Go for the real date.
Posted: 5/3/2012 6:29:42 PM
Women are at risk. We have to be cautious. Men typically don't get date raped or murdered. I'm always surprised that men don't get this. They sometimes say..well I'm not like that. Well...... how would we know that????? Geesh!! Trusting men is what gets us in trouble. The wrong men. Its not like they have a sign on their forehead! lol

Think about it... we have to decide if you are dangerous or someone we can trust. That takes time to figure out.
 
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