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Thread: Married & No Children - What do you think? - Scared of Commitment

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

Married & No Children - What do you think? - Scared of Commitment Posted: 7/29/2007 8:34:35 PM
A guy who's never been married or had children = my perfect guy. I've never been married and will never have my own children.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Would you date someone who has 2 kids with 2 different woman and is only in his early thirties. Posted: 7/29/2007 8:32:17 PM
No. I don't want kids at all but if I did I still wouldn't. You'll never rank #1 in his eyes obviously.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 101 (view)

Can we stop calling it an intimate encounter? Posted: 7/29/2007 8:27:08 PM
When it starts getting intimate, he starts losing interest.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

How many are afraid of falling in love Posted: 7/6/2007 5:09:44 PM
What petrifies me is that no one will love me back! I've been in situations where love could've existed under different circumstances but that wasn't the case so I was kind of upset about it. No man has told me he loves me. I haven't said that to anyone, either. It hasn't been appropriate so far. I seem to fall for guys who are not available to love or are unable to love me for whatever reason. It would be nice to be loved and in love with someone.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 66 (view)

whats draws the line between addiction and constant want for sex?? Posted: 6/26/2007 6:08:36 PM
Basically what you're saying is that you can't defend your research and have instead chosen to personally attack me. I don't expect you to be intelligent and/or have a sense of humor because those are qualities you obviously lack. I most certainly didn't ask you, UR4ME? to evaluate me personally. This is supposed to be a healthy debate and you just came into this thread as a troll. Obviously you don't know what you're talking about. I've read your profile as well and obviously it isn't me who has to be concerned. Your arguments don't hold any ground becuase 1. you can't back them up 2. you don't share your own personal experience 3. your purpose in this thread is to attack women I did not post in this forum to have some guy with no life drop in and bash women. Do you wonder why you're single? I don't think any of the women here do. Now, why don't you go play with yourself because apparently that's all the action you can get. To the real people posting here: Ladies and gentlemen, I vote we delete the last message from UR4ME? because it's clearly defamatory and uncalled for. We can't let this troll take over.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

whats draws the line between addiction and constant want for sex?? Posted: 6/26/2007 2:20:48 PM
Apparently UR4ME? has reading and comprehension issues. Hopefully that will dissuade him from further participating in this forum. I'm not your dear. I'm not being hypocritical or dishonest and I said quite a bit which seems to be way over your head. Basically what you seem to be saying is that either you made up that you did any research on the topic or you can't remember where you found these mysterious studies because you can't cite your sources. Go back to school, maybe pay attention this time.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

whats draws the line between addiction and constant want for sex?? Posted: 6/26/2007 12:18:57 PM
UR4ME?, Okay, little boy...I did read everything you wrote in it's entirety...and you're wondering why everyone is pis$ed off at you? Hmm...pull your head out of your a$s. I'd like to see references/bibliography for these studies you supposedly found because obviously reading and comprehension are a problem for you. I already said that I'm quite happy with and comfortable having a high sex drive. It's obvious to me and everyone else who's posted here that you have no idea what you're talking about and you're just pi$sing people off. What you seem to need is to get a life outside of causing $hit in forums...try looking that up, I'm sure there are several studies on how unhealthy it is for someone to dwell on misinformation on a subject he doesn't understand. P.S. Not so difficult to find these studies. Anyone can find studies proving anything they want and studies to counter them.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

whats draws the line between addiction and constant want for sex?? Posted: 6/25/2007 7:50:17 PM
UR4ME?, No healthy person should be desiring a sexual partner constantly. That would be YOU saying that it isn't healthy. You seem to judge a book by the cover & possibly that's all you read into your "studies on sexual compulsion." I'm guessing what you did was a quick search online...we all know how reliable info on the internet is. You obviously DO NOT know how to read up on a topic before posting or you'd have a balanced post - not something based on something you read that seemed to resonate with you or whatever. For every medical study done, there are several done to counter it. You are "self-proclaimed" because you are NOT an expert, though you speak/write as though you think you are. I didn't accuse you of saying that I'm heavy but in the most recent post you seem to imply this. That's not for you to judge. In fact, none of this is for you to judge. You're simply playing devil's advocate and are failing miserably.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

whats draws the line between addiction and constant want for sex?? Posted: 6/25/2007 1:08:01 PM
What you fail to say, UR4Me?, is why you're so convinced of this. BTW, I don't consider myself heavy. What makes you a self-proclaimed expert? Why did you even come to this thread? You're some kind of religious freak aren't you? I'm guessing you're a virgin or looking for one. I'm sick of know-it-all guys who seem to be out to try to make women feel bad about themselves. What do you have to say about men who want sex all the time? Same thing? Sexual desire is NOT UNHEALTHY.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

whats draws the line between addiction and constant want for sex?? Posted: 6/25/2007 11:37:07 AM
UR4ME ... I don't think you've got any authority to say that a woman is unhealthy for thinking about sex all the time. It isn't necessarily either of the two things you mentioned - hormone imbalance or low self-esteem. I think maybe you're the type of guy who may be intimidated by such women and maybe can't keep up? I think women, myself included, often look for a reason to be concerned about something that is perfectly okay.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

whats draws the line between addiction and constant want for sex?? Posted: 6/24/2007 9:40:58 PM
I'm not a scorpio, I'm gemini...double the fun! I'm relieved to hear about other women who've had hysterectomies because I'm going for one next month and I have no intention of losing my sex drive.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

HUH? what does freak mean? Posted: 6/23/2007 10:23:59 PM
Holy, dude! Relax. That was a joke. Apparently you can't take one.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

whats draws the line between addiction and constant want?? Posted: 6/23/2007 10:21:02 PM
I have the same issue. It comes in waves. I have a consistently high sex drive but sometimes I can't concentrate on anything else. I'm not in a relationship right now but if I was, I don't think he'd be complaining. That's funny because I've been wondering if maybe I have a sex addiction. I've just started having sex again after losing my virginity over 12 years ago. I didn't have sex for over a decade & now it seems I'm making up for lost time! Once I had sex with 2 different guys at different times on the same night! Everything makes me horny sometimes. Of course, I'm not so sure I want to go to rehab or anything for it because I'm very much enjoying it. Unfortunately, I guess I will have a six week break because I'm having surgery next month. I'm excited about the surgery but worried about not being able to have sex until I feel better or am recovered.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

HUH? what does freak mean? Posted: 6/23/2007 10:11:07 PM
Of course someone has to look it up in the dictionary. Try looking up how to get your head out of your @ss...dictionary freak. ;) Sorry, when people stoop to dictionary definitions, they obviously lack social skills. I've been wondering what guys mean by this, too. Is it good to be a freak or is it something supposed to be demeaning? I guess it's all in the interpretation. Someone told me it meant a girl who will do anal. I don't know...apparently I'm a freak according to the definitions so far.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Is being bold a bad thing? Posted: 6/23/2007 10:00:20 PM
I'm a little shy at first, but once I'm comfortable I'll talk. I like to establish things before sex, then as we go along. What do you mean, OP? Do you mean actually DURING sex or in terms of meeting people? I've approached guys and they've never responded well. Not in person. Here, I approach guys and chat with them and am honest & direct. A lot of guys appreciate that. If I didn't do that, I wouldn't have met anyone.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Do we really attract who we are? Posted: 6/16/2007 11:52:26 PM
LMAO @ OpieDopey! That's awesome. I don't want to attract someone too much like me. I want someone different. I don't want someone like my dad, either because that's a little creepy (not my dad, just the thought). If we attract who we are, why isn't everyone gay? It's good to meet people with common interests and goals but it's the differences that make people interesting.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Do people really want honesty? Posted: 6/16/2007 3:54:31 PM
I understand your situation. I refuse to go on MSN, but as far as meeting people here, if they want something I don't, I tell them. If they respond and I don't like what they say (like if they think I'm a b!tch or whatever), I use that opportunity to block them. I hate blocking people because I like to think that we're all humans just looking for something. No means no. Make a clean break. You can be polite and still be honest...like "thank you for your interest but I think we have different goals" or whatever. It sometimes helps if you're able to say something good about them before being honest about why it won't work. Only if you mean it. You should be able to walk away from it feeling good because you asserted yourself and cut it off before it drains you. If these guys can't handle a polite, honest rejection then they aren't worth your time. There's no use allowing them to get to you. Stay empowered with your decision to cut them loose. Everything after that means nothing because you said goodbye. I had someone here b!tch at me for refusing their IM. They emailed me to say that I should talk to them to say I don't want to talk or wanted to find out if my IM wasn't working. I simply said both, my IM doesn't want to accept messages from you & I really don't wish to converse with you especially after such a rude introduction. Then I blocked him. Honestly, you don't owe these guys anything. Make clean breaks.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Do we really attract who we are? Posted: 6/16/2007 3:34:20 PM
Ever hear of opposites attract? Wouldn't it be boring to date or marry someone just like you? I think you'd get sick of them pretty quick. Why do you look for a relationship? Because you want more in your life. More of the same? No.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 520 (view)

so, why are you still single? Posted: 6/14/2007 4:26:56 PM
I am single because monogamy is monotony.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 513 (view)

If you're single and not dating, what's your reason? Posted: 6/13/2007 5:41:36 PM
I hate dating. People lie in their profiles & post old pictures that don't even resemble what they currently look like. I may have to go back to not trusting guys at all anymore. Maybe I'll have to start dating women. JK

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Do people actually enjoy dating? Posted: 6/13/2007 2:55:35 PM
Okay, I'll clear this up for people... I am choosy but not overly picky - as in I don't want an axe murderer but I don't care what color your hair is. Overall, when looking for people here, I seek people with similar interests and interesting profiles. I email them. If I'm still interested after exchanging emails or IMs then I ask to meet them in person. I don't meet people who don't show a picture of themselves. (The horrible date I had posted an old photo because he didn't look much like it anymore.) I'm usually a decent judge of character but meeting online has it's barriers. People can misrepresent themselves a LOT easier if they're not standing right in front of you. I did have a good date. The guy took me out for dinner & it was really nice, good conversation, not relationship material but I still had a decent time. I find that even getting to the point of dating on this site is hard because thankfully I am able to weed people out fairly well. I guess you could say I treat dating like a job interview because I go in without expectations but open intentions, I am my honest self, I try to learn about the other person and thank them at the end. I approach job interviews very casually so I don't get nervous or anything and this has worked very well. It almost seems like I should be asking for dating resumes to decide who to go out with. (Just kidding, I wouldn't.) But people lie on their resumes, too so it wouldn't make a difference. I don't care what we do on a first date but what I learned from the bad one is that it's important to have some kind of plan. Also, I find it way easier to meet FWBs because we both want the same thing. There's still intimacy and they're nice people who treat me with respect. It's just SO much easier than dating.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Do people actually enjoy dating? Posted: 6/12/2007 6:21:10 PM
Sorry sweety...but that won't help you any. I'm not looking for help. I'm trying to find out how people feel about dating in general. I personally hate it based on my experience so far. I just want to understand what people get out of it.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Do people actually enjoy dating? Posted: 6/12/2007 6:02:24 PM
Life is complicated. I didn't date in high school at all. Long story short...I'm here now and putting myself through dating and determined not to just give up on it like I have in the past. I'm not too selective, I'm fairly open and very honest and do my best to make things good. Last night I had a horrible date, but regardless I tried to make the best of it but there was just no good to be had. Does dating get any better?

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Do people actually enjoy dating? Posted: 6/12/2007 5:47:44 PM
I've never been in a relationship. So, everyone finds dating annoying?

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Do people actually enjoy dating? Posted: 6/12/2007 4:51:57 PM
I'm seriously beginning to wonder. It has always been horrible for me so I was wondering if there are people out there who do enjoy it. I honestly have no idea. I've heard people say how good it is to be single and dating but I don't understand what they mean.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 71 (view)

Being told that you are not good in bed..... Posted: 6/11/2007 3:50:50 PM
I think that's the key...I may be inexperienced, but I've got a high sex drive and I'm very willing to learn. I've been asked back by each man I've slept with, so maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought I was. I certainly make up for any shortcomings with my enthusiasm.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

sex toys Posted: 6/10/2007 5:56:28 PM
There's a really neat store out of Vancouver called Womyn's Ware, I was living in a small town and found it prudent to order my toys from there at the time. They have a really great website with lots of information about toys and safety and stuff as well as a great selection of stuff (OK I sound like an ad lol but I really was 'satisfied' with my purchase!). That's where I got the toy that does "double duty"! I ordered it from them online. Some advice though, don't order the sample pack of lube! Some come in paper-type packaging & broke & got all over everything. Yuck! But the vibe is awesome.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 102 (view)

Overlooking physical flaws.... Posted: 6/10/2007 5:52:41 PM
Evangelique, I think what giggleparts was saying is that if a man liked big tits & asked a woman to get a boob job, that would be a problem. What if you really, truly like someone but they're uncut? Are you going to say, "well, you're a great person, but you've got a bit too much skin for my taste."? Maybe you would, it's your perogative. Seriously, I think if you get to know a person, one can overlook pretty much anything. But then, I've never encountered anything major. I guess the tiny dik thing, but I didn't like the guys to start with...it was just sex & it wasn't any good & it kinda ruined it for me. So, I don't know what my point is...I forgot. :)

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 91 (view)

Overlooking phsyical flaws.... Posted: 6/9/2007 9:20:39 PM
PHK, people don't wake up one day FAT, they 'worked' to get there. work to get back! There are instances where people get FAT because of a medication side effect. It happened to me. I put on weight very quickly and it didn't go away when I got off the medication. So, you'll have to excuse me if I resent people having such a harsh position on the matter. You're likely the way I was before I was prescribed the medication that changed my body - never had to worry about weight. It's a shallow, blanket statement.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

Overlooking phsyical flaws.... Posted: 6/9/2007 9:14:49 PM
I have been twice traumatized by tiny diks. I can't overlook something like that. It's the main event.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

sex toys Posted: 6/9/2007 4:15:19 PM
you should get the one that attaches to the ipod i brought one for an ex she loved it What??? There's one that attaches to the iPod??? Tell me more!

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

Being told that you are not good in bed..... Posted: 6/9/2007 12:52:02 AM
I've never been told I was bad in bed. I've known I was, though. I took the initiative and let them know about my lack of experience ahead of time so he wouldn't be thinking WTF! I still do that because I still don't have a lot of sexual experience. I've just experienced a bad blow job, though. I didn't tell him. I almost puked, but didn't. I was even polite enough not to make fun of his size in correlation with his screen name. I know I'm not good in bed yet. I think I'll improve once I have a loving practice partner because I haven't had that yet either.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Can you experience intimacy through the internet? Posted: 6/8/2007 10:27:21 PM
I absolutely believe this is possible. There's a mutual attraction, a meeting of minds, a glance into another's soul. It can be extremely intimate. I find the desire to meet the person live becomes stronger when there's an intimate online connection.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

sex toys Posted: 6/8/2007 10:11:49 PM
Tysta: I've got a vibe that's curved to hit the g-spot & the clit at the same time!!! It's awesome. (makes ya squirt bigtime...best used in the tub)

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

How many are afraid of falling in love Posted: 6/7/2007 10:06:10 PM
I've never been in love. I don't understand it. People naturally fear falling. People naturally fear that which they don't understand. I don't think I'm afraid of falling in love, though. Afraid of losing my mind, yes. Hell, infatuation fukcs with the brain. From what I understand, infatuation is fake love. So, I'm just confused more than anything. I don't want to lose my mind...especially over some guy.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

What kind of male do you prefer Posted: 6/7/2007 7:24:48 PM
Authentic. Nothing but the real thing for me. I am authentic & that's what I expect. I've met all three kinds of men, not necessarily in terms of dating, just in general. I've seen a lot of men trying to be one of those things which he obviously wasn't. I prefer the real deal.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

Always a FWB, never a girlfriend!! Posted: 6/7/2007 5:04:48 AM
JWA, I don't think that's a contradiction at all. Maybe as a guy it doesn't make sense, but since I'm not... Sometimes when you're not in a relationship, you just want sex. It's easier than being in a relationship. Women expect a lot out of a relationship emotionally when it isn't just a FWB. There's a greater investment. I'd venture to say that when you've finally become emotionally involved in someone and things don't work out it's emotionally crushing. That's when people get jaded & it takes awhile to learn to trust enough again. There's nothing wrong with having FWBs while looking for a serious boyfriend.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Can you give a massage without getting a stiffy? Posted: 6/6/2007 5:04:56 PM
Um, is it wrong that this thread is turning me on? I've never had a massage from a guy but if a guy I cared about gave me one & got hard...damn! That'd be awesome.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

curious about peoples views on, and experience Posted: 6/6/2007 4:46:40 PM
I don't want to give birth to children. I'm not sure that I'd have enough in common with a guy who has a kid or kids because I have no concept of parenting. I wouldn't want someone's kids resenting me, that's for sure. I wouldn't close the door on guys with kids but it would really depend on the guy...and the kids. I think I may also have difficulty because they say they always put their kids first. For once I'd like to be number one in somebody's life. (I sure the hell wasn't my parents' number one priority and they stayed married!)

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

What situations remind you of your aloneness? Posted: 6/5/2007 9:55:13 PM
Valentine's Day. Seeing couples in public/PDAs. When people constantly talk about their significant others. People who say "we" a lot speaking of them & their SO. When I go to bed at night (twin bed). Songs about love.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Wow........ that was nice! Posted: 6/5/2007 9:49:35 PM
I've complimented people too. One guy didn't even bother to read it. Oh well, his loss. Some people seem so arrogant that they assume you're after them for whatever reason. So, I reserve my compliments for those deserving of them. I've also made some good friends by complimenting people I see in the forums a lot. It feels good to share the love...even if it's platonic...as long as it's sincere.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

curious about peoples views on, and experience Posted: 6/5/2007 4:59:02 PM
I don't want children. Soon I may not be able to have any...IF I'm able to have any now. I'm cool with that.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

would you girls date a guy who has never had a gf before? Posted: 6/5/2007 4:52:09 PM
I'm a girl who's never had a boyfriend before. I'm in my early 30's and just getting into dating again after almost a decade hiatus.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

What do women need in order to want to have sex? Posted: 6/4/2007 6:07:25 PM
Sex drive, motivation, attraction.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Always a FWB, never a girlfriend!! Posted: 6/3/2007 10:09:12 AM
FWB = Friend With Benefits (sex buddy)

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Always a FWB, never a girlfriend!! Posted: 6/2/2007 11:12:15 PM
OP, consider each "relationship" seperately. If you're meeting a guy intending only to have sex, fine he's a FWB. If you meet a guy you want to get to know and not just have sex with, go with that. It doesn't mean that it'll turn into a FWB relationship because you introduce sex. You're just allowing yourself to feel that way. If you want more of a relationship, pursue that. Maybe wait for him to make the first move for sex.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 494 (view)

so, why are you still single? Posted: 6/2/2007 10:58:55 PM
I'm single because there isn't a man out there that could handle getting involved in a serious relationship with me.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

is love worth it Posted: 6/2/2007 10:19:59 PM
I don't think love exists. I think it's something made up by needy women. I don't think men feel love or have the capacity to love. I've never experienced it. After getting back into dating after over a decade hiatus, I'm more convinced than ever that guys can't and don't love women. I don't want to be fooled into thinking someone loves me, that's for sure.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Dating frustration in your 30s? Posted: 6/2/2007 9:39:36 PM
Dating is completely frustrating. I've never even had a relationship before. I finally feel ready to get out there & meet people and I don't even know what to think anymore.

youheartme

Joined: 3/27/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Women checking out other women Posted: 6/2/2007 7:00:19 PM
I saw a show about this on TV...they said that all women naturally find other women attractive but straight men don't find other men attractive. Women were designed to be universally appealing.

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