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Thread: MET A GUY ON POF AND MOVED IN WITH HIM AFTER DATEING HIM 7 MONTHS

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

MET A GUY ON POF AND MOVED IN WITH HIM AFTER DATEING HIM 7 MONTHS Posted: 9/25/2008 7:04:39 AM
You really should have worked that out before you even slept with him, let alone moved in with him. Sounds like you needed attention and thought you could change him, but now he has his cake and is still wanting to eat it too. Why would he change anything now? He has it the way he wants it... just like all the married jerks of both sexes who want to find something better while using what they have. Sorry, but I think you need to bow out for your own self-esteem and find someone who deserves you.

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Deleting profile b/c of inappropriate messages from men Posted: 9/17/2008 8:49:17 PM
I've read every reply to this posting, and agree with the majority of them. Before I read any of them I viewed the OP's profile, and thought exactly what a lot of other posters say.... the picture invites the pervs (although it is tame compared to some), and there is really no info about the OP. All this points to wanting something other than a real relationship to me, and apparently to others of good character as shown here. The block button is effective when used with a bit of a smirk.... you have to get over yourself and realize that this whole thing is not real life. If you can't laugh about the ridiculous people out there, you're doomed to despair, because there are a lot of ridiculous people out there! Lighten up, and look for the good ones.... there are plenty of us that get overlooked every day, yet we don't cry about it! Make friends and have fun.... that's what we should be here for. If we find the right connection, so much the better. PS.... I don't know what happened to the thing they used to have to report abusive emails.... wasn't there at one time a button to do that along with delete, block, etc??? I know I used it once myself, and the person was banned, using the IP address of the computer so they could not create another profile.... I know this because it turned out it was one of my best friends playing a joke on me.... backfired on her.... but Marcus was kind enough to let her back on when I wrote and explained. But he did banish her, and that feature doesn't appear to be here anymore.

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

What constitutes as dating? Posted: 9/17/2008 6:48:43 PM
As always, everyone is going to have a different definition. I think when you first start talking it is wise for each party to ask what the other wants to find. There are MANY women past the age of 45 or so that only want a date now and then for something to do, and yes, someone to pay for it. Then they want you to go home until they feel like being entertained again. But there are also a lot that would love to find someone they really connect with that becomes more than that. But until two people have a discussion as to what their particular relationship really is, they are only going on dates to test the waters and find their level of interest. If either or both want it to be more they need to define that with each other. I have asked a number of women over time if they wanted to see each other exclusively until we see if it goes anywhere, but almost all say "let's just date and see where it goes" or some variation on that. Yet when I go out with someone else, they feel like WTF??? I think things are pretty one-sided in that regard. Guess what they really mean is let's do what they want to do, when they want to do it, and don't dare talk to anyone else meantime, but if they do, that's fine.... because we're just "dating, and seeing where it goes".

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 364 (view)

Why don't tall men choose to date tall women? Posted: 9/16/2008 12:34:19 PM
I'm 5'9 and have dated women from under 5' to well over 6'... but almost every woman I contact that is over 5'6 says " I want someone taller than me when I wear heels"... so to me it's a female problem, not a male problem. But as all the posts on here are different, to each his/her own. If we'd all worry more about the person's character than such trivial things as height, we'd be better off, but we never will... it's human nature!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 80 (view)

Boomer sex Posted: 9/13/2008 5:07:21 PM
People over 50 have sex???? who'd a thunk it????

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

How long do you usually wait before meeting up with somebody you meet on POF? Posted: 9/3/2008 6:06:53 PM
People on here actually meet??? Never heard of such a thing! Actually, overall I've talked to some women for up to 8 years and still never met them. Others I have gone to meet the same day... depends how desperate you both are at the moment!!!! LMAO No, really, just the level of chemistry that comes across in the first emails. But seriously... people on here actually meet??? Not very damned often from what I gather....

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Looking For Category on Profiles Posted: 9/3/2008 6:00:06 PM
First off, I don't EVER look at what a woman has put there, because I automatically assume that anyone posting a profile on a dating site is there to find someone to date. True, there are some who only post on forums and won't give anyone the time of day other than that. And I have no problem with that, because their profile usually makes that clear up front. The rest, obviously if you meet and there is anything there it is open to go as far as it goes, from friends to dating to LTR. I have LTR because that is my ultimate goal. I have NEVER in all my time on here seen anything even remotely endorsing this insanity about hang out or activities to mean sex, in any way, shape or form... where do you people get this??? Since when does hang out not mean platonic friends to hit a bar or go to a game or play cards with or whatever? Since when does activities not mean pretty much the same thing... going to an art show, theater, movies, whatever??? Now "other", yes, by all means, and then specify or at least allude to what your "other" entails. And for that matter, I have NEVER heard from one single female that wanted anything other than dating towards a LTR. Never one wanting just casual sex, or any other kind of sex... where do these ideas come from?

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

You've found your soul-mate, but they live far away. Who moves? Posted: 9/1/2008 6:58:34 PM
I've said it before, I'll say it for the millionth time... If Mr or Ms Right moved in next door or across the street, it will still require change in your life to make a relationship work! If your idea of a relationship is NOT living in the same house, you are simply dating, not having a relationship. You may be commited to each other and monogamous, but you are still just dating! Now, I DO have a lot of experience with this issue. I sold the country home that I dearly loved to move to Frigging Kansas of all places for who I thought was Ms Right a few years ago, only to have her get cold feet the night before closing and call to tell me she didn't want me to come after all, and yes, SHE had asked me to in the first place. Luckily I had rental houses that I moved into instead or I'd have been homeless the next morning. So I know what sacrifice is. And I also know that 99% of the women on here will NOT sacrifice much of anything even FOR Mr Right. And I'm sure 99% of men won't either. It's fine to think that you will, but when the cold reality is staring you in the face you'll blink. I know this too, because I've seen it countless times. The older you get, the less likely it will be. Now, not much of this is directed at anyone under 35 or so, because they are not established as much. When I talk to ANYONE, regardless of distance, one of the first things I establish is who is likely to have to do what in regards to said changes. Most women won't let you move into their house. And a lot won't move into a man's without more commitment. I think both parties should sell and get a place together, but not everyone owns their house or could afford to buy together. If that's the case you should discuss renting instead. The "my house, your house" thing is a ****. Been there done that too. It's why I'm still single after 12 years of trying to find a real relationship! Figure it out quick and move on if it's not going to happen. There is no such thing as a soulmate.... there are thousands of people any of us could be just as suited for!!!! That's why it's called plenty of fish!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

I need an excuse to get out of it.... Posted: 9/1/2008 6:24:04 PM
I agree with #15 totally.... tape the damn game, and get a life.... this involves lots of women who are getting drunk, dancing and feeling romantic. Weddings are the best place in the world to find a lady. You can't tape that while the game is on! Personally I would love to take your place there. I may even go crash some weddings for the opportunity to get what you are missing! At least a lot of the women who are attending weddings know what commitment is!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

What's the nicest thing a guy/girl has done for you on a first date... Posted: 8/31/2008 3:59:04 PM
^^^^^^^ that is basic courtesy 101 that men are supposed to learn by age 10! Nice to hear some others haven't forgotten it. The same action applies to purse snatchers, etc. I have had several really great first dates, from the one that I really didn't want to meet to begin with, lasting from noon until 2 am, even though there was no physical attraction. She was simply delightful. Another baked me a cake and brought it as I had said that it was my birthday. Thought that was incredibly sweet. Even had a candle on it. Several brought me a single rose.... yes, men appreciate that too, at least REAL men!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

How do you tell a someon you don't find them attractive? Posted: 8/31/2008 3:19:05 PM
^^^^^^^^^ Brilliant! You really are pursuing something else! I think I'll use that myself, and may even use it when I write someone saying "unless you're pursuing something else at this time, in which case, best wishes".... I already do something to that effect anyway, to let them off the hook because I hate when I am in their shoes.... Thank you!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Who likes coffee for a frist date?? Posted: 8/28/2008 7:20:30 AM
I'd like to know if you go to meet someone for a "real date" and there is no attraction whatsoever on your part, are you going to enjoy the free meal and the rest of what the evening plan was, thank him and kiss him goodnight, or what? After going to meet any number of women who look absolutely nothing like their pictures or are nothing like they portrayed themselves to be, and even flying to other states for dates, I've learned that SOME WOMEN LIE!!! Just like some men. Now, some of my best dates ended up being with someone I was not really the least bit attracted to after meeting, just as some of my worst were with beautiful b!tches. But depending on the distance involved and everything else, I certainly opt for the coffee date that can always be extended into the evening if things click. Obviously I'm not flying to another state for just that though. Every situation is different. But I've spent thousands of dollars paying for dinners and drinks and events with liars too.... what's fair about that? Seems to me that if you're that sure of someone being right for you that you should instead invite them to your home for a home-cooked meal (which I would never recommend for a first meeting either), or be prepared to give him sex. After all, you've already said you were sure about the chemistry!!! Geez....

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

It's ok to say not interested.. right? Posted: 8/26/2008 4:18:27 PM
Unfortunately the "ignore you till you go away" seems to be becoming the norm, possibly because there are too many crybabies who can't take "not interested" without getting all bent out of shape and sending hate mail replys. This in NO way implies that OP is a crybaby to expect the courtesy of a reply, because I think everyone does. But at the same time I understand why a lot don't.... still doesn't make it right! Fortunately, most meetings end with neither party being all that into the other, and neither one bothers to email anymore after perhaps a "I had a nice time, thanks for meeting me" message if any.

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

the good the bad, and the... Posted: 8/26/2008 3:57:33 PM
I don't think putting filters on for body type would do anything, just like women stating in their profiles "no players", etc. You're still going to get mail from people who do not interest you or read what you say. Do they really thing the players read that and think "oh, gosh, I'm not going to write to her because I'm a player"??? Since virtually every woman's profile says something to that effect, there would be very little mail going around on here. As to your other idea, why not put a requirement that you reply to every email, with an actual reply, or using a set of buttons like "thank you but I'm not interested at this time", or other options such as your "can I take a raincheck" or any number of nice replies to the negative, followed by another button to block those that you REALLY don't want to hear from again. Maybe a limit on the number of unanswered emails you can have? I hear some women say they get 100 emails a day and can't possibly answer them all. If they won't remove their own profiles from view if that's the case, maybe the administrator should do so for them! If you can't take the time to read your emails, you have no reason to be here! Another suggestion might be to do like some other sites, that have a "remove" button on profiles when you search, so that the profile no longer comes up on your searches in the future, and at the same time would remove YOUR profile from that persons searches. No point seeing the same pix day after day when you know they are not interested in you and vice versa.

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 68 (view)

long distance - weekend only dating Posted: 8/25/2008 8:38:58 PM
I did the LDR for 4 1/2 years until about a year and a half ago. It was 2 hours each way. It was good in many ways, but she asked me to sell my country home that I loved to move in with her, and then got cold feet after it sold, and it never happened. I kept seeing her long distance for another two years but while she wanted me to move again during that time, I didn't trust her enough to do it again. And when I realized that, it was time to end it. I have done the LDR again since, and will again for the right person, but NOT for that long again. I think if you really click you should commit to making it work and moving together in 6-12 months at most. If you're commited to making it work, it will.

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Shelter for misbehaving Posted: 8/22/2008 8:40:10 PM
Cinnamon, you say that the LTR desire doesn't come up until it comes up or evolves into it? That must be really convenient for those young guys! Sounds to me like they get to have their cake and then tell you that they wanted another flavor. I guess I don't understand how you want a LTR supposedly but not have that come up until it evolves into it. It's usually one of the first things women want to discuss in my experience, unless they are just looking for a litttle fun themselves but want it to appear otherwise.

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

ive met the man of my dreams Posted: 8/19/2008 8:08:03 PM
Whenever someone uses such broad generalities as "like all men do", it's time to look in the mirror. Maybe the reason all men do the same thing to someone is because that person does the same thing to all of them! Be the person you want to find!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Don't limit yourself Posted: 8/13/2008 10:19:28 AM
Congratulations, and I wish you both the best. I agree about the limits entirely. I have received emails from women saying "I saw you checked out my profile, why didn't you write" or "I saw you put me on your favorites" same thing.... when their limits KEPT me from doing so! DUH! If you get emails from those you are not interested in otherwise, so what? You don' t have to be interested in them. Your perfect guy might be waiting out there unable to contact you though. Ary you on here to find someone or not? Personally, I don't even look at the friends/dating/long term thing... I assume if you're on here you're looking for someone.... it IS a dating site right?

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

your best-worst nut case story ever Posted: 8/13/2008 10:12:15 AM
Carolann is right. Until you have gone out and talked specifically about being exclusive, you don't "own" anyone on here, or anywhere. I've met a few women in the past year that I approached with that, but they declined, because they like the idea of being pursued by lots of guys at the same time. Their loss. And a lot of guys like the same thing... again, their loss! Those of us who want a real relationship with one person can only hope to find each other along the way. And like someone else said earlier, when I find someone I really like, I'm usually on POF telling the rest just that, but have also had the "you must not be that into me" attitude from the one that I was in fact really into.... sometimes not any more after that! Keeping tabs on someone IS cyber stalking unless you had that exclusivity talk and both agreed to it, and even then you better trust each other! Without that you have nothing.

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

getting kicked off in just a few minutes Posted: 8/11/2008 11:25:05 PM
I've been getting kicked off the site after only a few minutes the past couple of days. Has anyone else had this happening? Sometimes while I'm typing a reply to an email it goes back to the login page instead of sending... what's up? The only help I could find for this was to enable cookies, etc, and none of that ever changed. It wasn't like this before... unless i was inactive for quite some time! Now it's like two or three minutes!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Getting The SUBTLE Brush Off!! Posted: 8/5/2008 10:20:40 PM
Let's face it, internet dating isn't real for most people. They think it's perfectly ok to delete someone as if they don't exist, whether they have met them or not. The prevailing attitude is that nobody owes anybody a thing on here. Even after you meet and go out a few times this apparently continues to be the feeling. Next!!! Some people I think get so enamored with all the attention they get, that they forget these are real people that are writing to them. I have heard way too many women say they get so much mail they can't possibly deal with it all. Here's an idea for them... take your profile OFF!!! Deal with your million admirers or those that you might have an interest in first, and then go back for more affirmation of your "quality" by the volume of new admirers! And don't forget to be on time for cheerleader practice!!! From what I hear, I get a lot of mail for a man.... and I try to answer every email I get. I may miss one once in a great while, but I at least try to acknowledge them all. Most don't get the reply they are hoping for, but it's time to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Not everyone is attracted or interested in any of us. In their defense, a lot of women say any reply at all brings ugly responses and whining, but you can always delete the followup messages... then you DO NOT owe them anything more. Personally I think that a "no thanks" is preferable to nothing at all, but a read/deleted is the same thing. I say "your loss" and go on. And realize that it might be something as simple as distance, smoking, kids, any number of things that someone sees in your profile... it does NOT automatically mean there is anything wrong with YOU!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

What if there isn't the one Posted: 7/30/2008 5:29:50 PM
I have never bought into the whole soulmate theory that there is just one person out there for us. I think that there are literally a million people any of us could and would be just as happy with, and it's just a matter of dumb luck and timing as to whether we meet any of them, or never find "the one". Nobody is perfect by any means, but yes there are people that would be perfect for us. The biggest trouble is the online dating scene lets us find any number of people that interest us, but most get bombarded with emails from ones that don't interest them enough, and then they get that "grass is greener" mentality and think the next day or week might bring someone even better than the ones that they do have interest in. I recently heard the term "satisficing" which means that we all need to find someone who satisfies our wants and needs and quit looking for the perfection we seem to want! Myself, I have found many women that I would be very happy to pursue a monogamous relationship with, and told them at the appropriate time. But none of them wanted that... either fear of change in their humdrum lives or the feeling that there might be someone better yet, or they just like the sport of the "game". So what ever happened to finding happiness and BEING happy???

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 784 (view)

Favorites List????? Posted: 7/28/2008 11:30:00 AM
A lot of women like Angelnurse10 have limits on their profiles that prevent someone from contacting them to say they are interested. I've found that by putting someone on my favorites list when I can't contact them otherwise, it opens the door for them to think "hey, even though this guy doesn't meet XYZ that I might be interested in letting him talk to me"!!! And it's worked a number of times, actually. I've even had women say they didn't realize that putting those limits there would prevent someone from writing to them... duh.... I also get a lot of comments from women about how many women have me on their favorites lists... I don't have any control over them putting me there, but do consider it to be an honor, no matter who they are! They are all perfectly lovely people in their own ways, and some become good friends if nothing else! But I do think the site should have other options such as a hotlist, a "I'd like to talk to you but you have me blocked by your options" list, etc etc.

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Are there any good men left? Posted: 7/22/2008 9:44:55 AM
M-1 What is your reaction to this Question when you see it in a women's online profile? If I have an interest in them to begin with, I will send a note something to the effect "would you know a good one if you found him"? M-2 What experiences have you had with women who use this question in their online profiles? Most of them never answer my question. I figure the answer is obvious then, they would NOT know one! M-3 What criteria do you use in determining whether you want to meet a woman in person? If she has interested me enough in our emails and if she fits as far as being capable of actually having a real relationship. Most women anywhere near my age say they want a great guy, but won't do a thing to get one. This would involve actually changing something in their life to make room for him, and they won't do that. If they tell me in their emails that their job, house, or any variety of things is more important, there's not much point in meeting them. Yes, my daughter is the most important person in my life, but she does NOT interfere with a relationship, and neither should HER children, parents, etc. It's possible to have relationships with BOTH. M-4 What criteria do you use in determining whether a woman is a good woman after meeting her in person? If there was chemistry and ease of communication, and mutual attraction. Without all 3 of those things, it's not going anywhere!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Pictures-Does anyone look at what is all around you? Posted: 7/18/2008 6:55:16 PM
I really love seeing this thread, because I have thought the same thing. What is in the background is very telling! Just like when I'm screening renters and go out to their cars after showing a house... you see what their car looks like, you'll know what your house is going to look like when they are there! I've found meeting women is the same thing... the pictures show what you're really going to find. If they have a nicely decorated place they will be presentable. If it's a pigsty in the background, you're probably going to meet someone less than desirable. Obviously, knowing how I see these things, I would not post a picture with something in the background that is detrimental to my image! To the poster who had a lot of pictures from Iraq... thank you for serving first off, and it's obviously a big part of your recent life, so I see no problem with such images. But to those guys with the cars and bikes that take center stage... the ladies are not really impressed that much! I know this from reading it in a lot of women's profiles... LOL. Same with the fish, the deer you killed, etc. As a 7th or 8th picture maybe. But certainly not your main photo!!! Get a clue! But then those guys don't read the posts....

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Is this a new social phenomenon??? Posted: 5/22/2008 4:09:20 PM
I'm one of those guys that's heading in that direction. Women in my age range don't really want a relationship. They will tell you they do, and put it in their profiles, but given that they are going to actually have to change their lives to do so, they find otherwise when push comes to shove. Even if Mr Right moves in next door to them, they will have to either move in with him or have him move in with them, and that requires change. In most cases, they will have to move much farther than next door, which would also involve leaving their job and probably their kids and grandkids. I have found that women in their late 30's and early to mid 40's are much more likely to consider relocation and a change in their life, but if I write to them I get this "you men are only interested in young girls" thing. A guy just can't win! Older women are more concerned with their careers and getting a retirement than a man, except for a weekly date or a free ticket to some event. They are the "real" serial daters! And yes, I sold my country home that I dearly loved to relocate to another state for what I thought was going to be Ms Right, and changed everything else in my life to make it work, but she got cold feet after the house sold, but before I ever moved there, so I KNOW what it's like to consider the reality of a relationship. In the past year I have made trips to Daytona Bike Week, Sturgis, Vegas a couple times, and several other states by myself, and find that it's just as enjoyable as having to fit someone else into the plans. So very soon I'll probably join the trend towards NOT trying to find someone to grow old with!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

First contact... how many times do you attempt contact before giving up? Posted: 12/29/2007 5:08:52 PM
I've read all the postings on this subject, and it pretty much shows just how diverse the dating pool really is. There is every conceivable idea and explanation here about contacting someone more than once. I think the ones that suggest a method, that some sites have, to indicate no interest at all would be good here. There are simply too many women who are not capable of saying no thanks, whether it be lack of manners, or whatever other reason. I think too, there should be a way to block contacts on your own, meaning if someone isn't interested, you should be able to delete them from even showing up on your screen in the future. Other sites have this feature, and it keeps you from bothering someone you may have contacted before without realizing you have. As to the favorites feature, I sometimes use it when you see a profile that interests you but you don't have the time to send them a proper introduction, so as not to lose track of them. But I also have been put on many lists by women who have never said "boo" to me. And then I get letters from women who say "you must be a player if you are on so many women's favorites lists, and aren't with any of them"!!! And I don't even know who these women are that listed me in the first place. Again, there is great diversity in this whole arena, and there should be no set rule for any of us as to how many contacts, or the form of contact. Unless someone says "no thanks", it should be fair game to keep emailing them.... like some said, there may be a perfectly good reason you didn't get a reply before. For those who don't have the decency to reply at all, ever, perhaps they SHOULD be innundated with emails from their admirers.... they are probably too shallow for anything else anyway!

Joined: 4/7/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

SPRINGFIELD MO PARTY~ SATURDAY SEPT 22nd....THE FISH ARE SWIMMING TO THE NEW KEY LARGO!!!! Posted: 9/13/2007 8:45:03 PM
I'm supposed to be in Nebraska that weekend, but hope to be here instead. Last month was a great time, and I hope everyone gets out to these things because it's a really great way to meet up with a lot of people with no pressure or expectations, and see what develops!

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