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 Author Thread: Why do the replies stop?
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Why do the replies stop?
Posted: 9/4/2012 7:04:41 AM
So when you get boring, short responses you should probably cease contact with them because they're either just bored, or stringing you along as a backup.


I would give a person the benefit of the doubt the first time I got a boring / short response. Perhaps they were in a rush or they had a brain cramp and couldn't think of anything else to say at that particular moment. But if this became a pattern, then I would move on.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
dating someone older or younger
Posted: 9/4/2012 6:47:31 AM
It can depend on the age of the women. Many women in their 20s would date a man that is 10 yrs older. But not date a man that is more than 1-2 yrs younger than she is. Many middle aged women ( such as over 40 ) date men within 10 years of their age either way. Although some will prefer younger men and others will prefer older men.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 93 (view)
 
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/20/2012 8:54:59 PM

What's the worse that can happen to a woman... she ends up with a stalker or, worse, some potentially violent weirdo.. We don't know her expertiences in life, her concerns, etc.


A few men kept calling me after I told them I was no longer interested after 1-2 dates. I simply blocked them. Since they didn't have any of my personal info I wasn't concerned about them stalking me. I would be more worried about this if we had dated for a while. Since at that point, he would know where I live, my last name, where I work etc. BTW I didn't meet these men on an internet dating site.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Would you date a man who owes child support?
Posted: 8/18/2012 1:34:43 PM
It happened 4 years ago. It also depends on the circumstances. Perhaps he was unemployed or had a low wage job at the time and didn't have enough money to pay the child support.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/18/2012 1:26:59 PM
I don't want or need two phones. It's personal preference.


One of my male friends was about 20 minutes late to a date because of a major traffic accident. He didn't have her cell number and he didn't have email access while he was in his car. Apparently she had just left the location of the date right before he arrived. Later he got an email from this women claiming that he had stood up her. He replied to her and tried to explain what happened. But he never heard back from her. That's why some people suggested getting a cheap prepaid cell phone. That way you wouldn't have to give out your real number and it would have prevented situations like this from happening.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 149 (view)
 
Can I buy you a drink?
Posted: 8/11/2012 7:40:09 AM
I think the man should have talked to her first. If she seems to be interested, then he could offer to buy her a drink. That would have prevented or reduced the chances of this happening. Having said that, if a woman wasn't interested, she should have declined the offer.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/11/2012 7:33:53 AM

Wanting a 2nd date with these women doesn't necessarily = low standards.


Agreed. I have went on second dates with men when there wasn't instant chemistry on the first date. Sometimes chemistry developed on a second or third date. Other times it didn't. Unless there are clear turn offs, I think takes a few dates to determine if there is chemistry because reasons that were already mentioned in this thread.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Ever had someone of the same gender come onto you?
Posted: 8/7/2012 6:55:38 AM
Yes. It has happened a few times. My attitude about women hitting on me is the same as men that I'm not interested in hitting in me. As long as they were respectful, it didn't bother me.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
First date turns sour
Posted: 8/7/2012 6:52:39 AM
Depending on what exactly the other person said, I might give him a chance to explain himself. If he kept making racist / offensive comments, I would end the date and not see him again.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 159 (view)
 
What do women think of men who are not into sports AT ALL?
Posted: 8/3/2012 10:02:23 AM
Another stupid stereotype. It's actually possible to be fit and athletic and watch sports on TV. Sometimes a person can do both at the same time. They can do some cardio exercises at the gym while watching a game. I'm sure there are just as many non-sports fans who eat unhealthy food while watching movies, reality TV shows, reruns of old sitcoms, soap operas, politics / news shows etc.


Agreed. I know many people who watch some sports on TV and are fit and active. I also know people who hate sports and spent most of their free time watching some combination of opera, the Bachelor(ette), American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Friends, Seinfeld, Young and the Restless, various movies etc.


the only difference is that somewhere along the line of human history sports became the big cultural pastime that, generally, people are "allowed" to obsess over more than any other interest and still be considered, if not only then qualified, as normal.


Not entirely true. There are a segment of people who will stereotype anyone who watches sports. This thread is one example of this. I think being obsessed with any hobby or interest in general can be a turn off. Even many sports fans wouldn't date someone who spends most of their free time watching sports.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 71 (view)
 
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/3/2012 9:53:39 AM
I think some men will email random attractive women without reading her profile. These men will often end up contacting women even though they aren't close to matching the requirements on her profile. If these men were more selective with the women they contacted, that could improve their response rate.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/28/2012 3:15:08 PM

So if you're going on lots of first dates but not seconds, and that's not by your choice, you need to consider that the person on the other end of the table isn't finding what they're looking for either.

If you want to increase your second date offers, consider the following:

- check your profile text and pictures and be sure they really reflect who you are; for example are your pictures 10 years old but you never changed them because you think you look the same? Did you forgot to mention that you smoke and then you light up on that first date? Forgot to mention you're married, or still living with someone for "convenience only"? Is there a one year old at home with a babysitter that you didn't mention until you got to the appetizers?

- watch your first date manners, and how you come across- are you nervous, are you too "standoffish", do you have strange mannerisms, do you talk about wacky things? Are the conversations interesting or awkward, do you make it all about you or do you listen to what your date has to say and show interest? How many times do you check your cellphone for messages during the date? If it's more than once or twice, you've got a problem.

- Do you make the first date into some sort of a drinking contest, to see who can be the last one not sliding off the chair under the table?


Yes sometimes there isn't a second date due to some combination of these reasons. But many times a person could be doing nothing wrong during a first date and there still are relatively few second dates.


If there's no second date, it's usually my choice, and it's because I didn't like what I found or there was just no click, even if she was decent looking, a good conversationalist, and honest with her profile text and pictures.


Just like you mentioned in the bold part of your quote.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:47:46 PM
No. There needs to be at least some physical attraction. Along with other things.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:45:25 PM
I agree with grove. I wouldn't have dated a few of my previous boyfriends if I had made a decision based on the first 20 minutes of a date / meeting. I can make the most of it and spend about a hour or so with someone even when there isn't enough interest for another date. I'm not looking for a free meal at a nice restaurant. The cost of the activities during my first dates / meetings are fairly cheap and I always offer to pay my share of bill.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 122 (view)
 
What do women think of men who are not into sports AT ALL?
Posted: 7/3/2012 6:09:11 AM
There have been many stereotypes on this thread. Some people are big sports fans. Some people are casual sports fans who primarily watch the big games. Some people will only follow 1-2 sports in particular. Some people have no interest in sports. That's perfectly normal. However people shouldn't generalize men who don't like sports as being girly or men who like watching sports on TV as not being active, intelligent, creative, moral, or not having other interests outside of sports etc. I suspect many of these generalizations came from a few bad experiences with an ex-partner, roommates, relatives etc who like or dislike sports.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 145 (view)
 
I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 7/3/2012 6:00:31 AM
I would like to do something fun on a first date / meeting. Such as attending a festival, playing a game of pool or mini golf etc. I could enjoy the activity and make the most of it even if there wasn't enough interest for a second date. The coffee date can be boring and sound like a job interview.

Other people may not want to drive 1-2 hours round trip just for having a cup of coffee for 20-30 minutes. The only times I might end a date after 20-30 minutes or less is when I feel unsafe or when a man is a complete jerk. Regardless of the activity.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Images v profile text
Posted: 6/28/2012 7:27:20 PM
Photos and your "stats" ( such as height, age, having children, smoking etc ) are the most important things. If they like these things, then they might read the rest of your profile.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
What do women think of men who are not into sports AT ALL?
Posted: 6/28/2012 5:57:42 AM
Personally I don't think this is a big deal either way. I don't expect all men to have the same interests. There are plenty of men who don't like sports or are casual fans at best. If a man not liking sports is a dealbreaker for a woman, then look for women who don't like sports. ( They may prefer a man that doesn't like sports. ) Or women that do like sports. But don't care if their partner doesn't.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Why do men think it is okay to bother ladies at the gym?
Posted: 6/27/2012 7:17:44 PM
I don't think this is a major problem. Most people ( men and women ) I see at the gym are focused on their workout and their Ipod. Sure once in a while, there will be a creepy man at the gym who makes questionable to outright rude comments. But that can happen anywhere. And when it does happen, report him to management.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 6/27/2012 7:08:18 PM
Whenever I have plans with a person from a dating site, I consider it to be a date. Whether it was having a cup of coffee for 30 minutes or dinner at a five star restaurant. I had some 2nd dates largely because my expectations for the first date / meeting / encounter / whatever you want to call it aren't as high compared to some other people.

I would not lose interest in someone just because there wasn't an instant spark on the first date etc. Having said that, I wouldn't want a second date when there are clear turn offs. Such as lack of physical attraction, being rude towards the waitstaff, making offensive comments, constant complaining, becoming drunk and obnoxious etc.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 36 (view)
 
First Date...
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:36:11 PM
Whenever I have plans with a person from a dating site, I consider it to be a date. Whether it was having a cup of coffee for 30 minutes or dinner at a 5 five restaurant. I do think the first date / meeting / encounter / whatever you want to call it should be inexpensive, fun, and without any long time limits. Some examples include a festival, a quick game of pool, mini golf etc. Then you can either extend or end the date. Depending on how well it is going,
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:33:13 PM
In some instances, I can tell very quickly that there is no chemistry. Usually that happens when there is a clear turn off. ( Lack of physical attraction, personality flaws etc ) In other instances, I need to spend more time getting to know somebody to see if the chemistry will develop. I had first dates with no instant spark. But there was a spark on the second or third date.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 144 (view)
 
Why the hate for Video Games?
Posted: 6/24/2012 4:42:45 PM
I don't hate video games. It would only become a problem if someone spent all or most of their free time playing video games and he didn't want to do other things with me. That can apply to any hobby or interest though.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
 
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/24/2012 4:30:57 PM
I think it's natural that most of the time there isn't a second date. This is a hypothetical example. Suppose a man has 10 first dates over a period of time. He was interested in having a second date with 5 of these women. But among these 5 women, only 2 of them wanted a 2nd date with him. Therefore he only had a 2nd date with 20% of these women.

I also think some people on dating sites form an unrealistic fantasy image of a person based on their photos, profile, email / phone conversations etc. When the real image doesn't completely match the fantasy image, they are no longer interested.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
 
How important is a Good Photo..??
Posted: 6/24/2012 4:23:06 PM
Poor photos are the probably the biggest reason why people don't get replies to their emails. The types of photos that are turn offs to me are just head shots or photos that are blurry / distant. The shirtless photo depends on the circumstances. I don't mind a shirtless photo of a man at a beach. But a shirtless photo of a man flexing his muscles at a mirror can be a turn off.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Don't be to quick to toss 'em to the curb
Posted: 6/24/2012 4:16:53 PM
I agree. I don't think anyone is saying go out on a second date with someone who is unattractive, a jerk etc. But I would not reject someone after a first date just because there wasn't an instant "spark". I had first dates that were okay. But not great. The second and/or third dates were better. Sometimes I need to spend more time getting to know somebody before the spark occurs.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
NO VEHICLE-no dates?
Posted: 6/24/2012 12:38:43 PM
This may not be a problem in big cities and some inner suburbs where there is plenty of public transportation. But in smaller towns and rural areas, one person may not want to do all the driving.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 12:32:52 PM
I wonder how effective some of these restrictions are though. A person that is married, does drugs, looking for sex etc may lie about these things on their profile in order get around these restrictions.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
How do I get a better result on initial emails?
Posted: 6/17/2012 11:31:47 AM
It's a dealbreaker for 99 percent of women who AREN'T LOOKING FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND.


I don't think this is entirely true. As stated by a few others, the location and background can be a factor. A shirtless photo could be tacky if he was flexing at a mirror in all or most of his photos. But 1 shirtless photo of a man at a beach or swimming pool would be fine.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Would you date somebody with an opposing political view?
Posted: 6/17/2012 11:25:55 AM
Yes I would. Unless their beliefs are extreme or they are intolerant of other people's beliefs. Therefore I would not date someone like the OP. BTW I would feel the same way when someone makes a similiar statement about Republicans / conservatives.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Did I do something wrong? Or just bad luck?
Posted: 6/13/2012 6:07:43 AM
I would give her the benefit of the doubt this time. But if something similiar happens on your next date with her, then you should move on.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Ignore her or say something
Posted: 6/13/2012 5:56:21 AM
On the first email, it doesn't matter if I get no response something like "we're not a match". However ignoring someone doesn't always prevent rude emails. Some people told me they got emails like "you think you are too good to respond to me, you ugly b!tch". A possible suggestion is make up a white lie. Such as "I'm taking a break from dating" or "I recently started dating another person".
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
is it acceptable for a girl to call the guy after first encounter?
Posted: 5/31/2012 6:50:34 AM
Yes. A phone call or text / email message message stating that you enjoyed the date is fine. Leave the ball in his court. If he's interested, he will respond.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 145 (view)
 
gift certificates used on a date
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:28:04 AM
It would only bother me if a man insisted on going to a place that I didn't like because he had a gift certificate. Otherwise I would have no problem with a man using gift certificate to pay for the date at a place that we mutually agreed to go to. The method of payment ( cash, credit/debit card, gift certficate etc ) shouldn't be important.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 247 (view)
 
looks or profile, what attracts you first?
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:17:35 AM
For many people, it's the photos and your "stats" ( such as height, age, having children etc ). Then they may read the rest of the profile.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Many ways to say Thanks,but I am not interested in you
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:09:59 AM

1. "I have to work for the next 2 weeks" -same as one bellow
2. "I am really busy with school" - If they like you, they will find time for you so don't waste your time!


Sometimes other things come up in life and dating in general becomes less of a priority. It has nothing to me with disliking the other person. I would take a break from dating and focus on these things. Then resume dating once I am able to put more time and effort into dating.



3. Ignoring texts/calls


Bingo! Probably the most common method. Although I think even making up "a white lie" would be better than this. IMO ignoring someone after some conversations or dates is being rude or a coward.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/25/2012 6:16:16 AM

The women that I went out with from dating sites considered the first meeting to be a date. It didn't matter what we did, how long it lasted, how expensive it was etc. It's on the forums where I see some people inisist that it is only a "meet". Having said that, I don't think what you call it is that important.


Agreed. I consider the first face to face meeting with a person from a dating site as a blind date. Whether it was having a cup of coffee for 30 minutes or dinner at an expensive restaurant. Some suggestions for activities that people can do on a first date / meeting are playing pool or mini-golf, attending a festival etc. The date could end early if one person dislikes the other person. Or it could be extended if there is enough mutual interest.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 104 (view)
 
Being vocal or verbal during sex
Posted: 5/19/2012 1:35:18 PM
Some of the best sex I had was with men who were fairly quiet. They would say a few things during sex. But they weren't constantly talking or making loud noises.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Men wearing their socks during sex
Posted: 5/19/2012 1:32:10 PM

I don't wear socks to bed for the sole purpose of lasting ability. I read in a playboy magazine or something that both men and women usually have longer lasting, better sex if their socks are taken off. It's something subconscious. Studies have proven that the body feels more relaxed and less constricted with the socks off, and this leads to more prolonged lovemaking. I know I tried it for shits and giggles a while back and my partner noticed a big difference in my sexual prowess.

so to those guys with cold feet...better to have cold, bare feet than to be some fully dressed minute man.


I think there are other factors that are more important than socks for sexual performance. I had sex with some men without socks and they only lasted a few minutes.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Update...Wedding with a Male Friend
Posted: 5/17/2012 5:54:16 AM
I agree with Landra. There is no need to say anything about it since you already cancelled the wedding plans and apologized.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
When should I give out my number?
Posted: 5/17/2012 5:43:14 AM
Another situation... I've had a couple guys that I gave my number to. We talked, went out, etc. Then they are sending me messages on POF. Why wouldn't they just call or text me?


Some possible reasons. They don't like talking on the phone, they have a limited cell phone plan, or they are married / in a relationship. I would ask them even although you may not get a honest answer.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Females Age 24-36. Phone vs Text.
Posted: 5/17/2012 5:39:10 AM
Some of both. Texting can be useful in some situations. Such as when a person wants to say something brief , is busy with other things, or wouldn't be able to hear the other person due to being in a loud place.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Women On Pof And Asking For Their Phone Number #'s
Posted: 5/5/2012 8:25:34 AM
It depends on the woman. Some women will want to set up a date / meeting after 3-4 emails. Some women will want to talk on the phone after 3-4 emails. Some women will want to keep emailing. IMO the only thing ( regarding phone numbers ) that would be a turn off for most women is asking for her # on the first message.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Differences in age-reality check?
Posted: 5/5/2012 8:09:02 AM
According to some people, since a younger man didn't want another date with an older woman, he must have been only looking for sex. That could be true. But that is just 1 possible reason. The same thing could have happened if the OP had a date with a man around her age. Most first dates / meetings ( regardless of age ) don't work out due to variety of reasons. Including dates where it seemed like both people had a great time. But there wasn't a second date. I don't think the OP has to completely rule out dating younger men. She could date younger men in their mid 30s to early 40s if she feels a 26 yr old is too young for her.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
To the women who go to night clubs
Posted: 5/5/2012 7:40:56 AM

I didn't say they wouldn't act like asses, I said they wouldn't be offended. No normal woman is ever going to be truly offended that a man asked her politely if she would care to dance/see him again some time. A polite inquiry is simply not offensive. Some immature woman may make a show of being annoyed if they feel like they are "out of your league." But actually offended? No way.


The key word is normal. Some people get offended over trivial things.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
To the women who go to night clubs
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:37:45 AM
I would go to bars / clubs largely to hang out with friends. Especially if it was someone's birthday or a bachlorette party. Having said that, if I was single and an attractive man approached me. I might talk and/or dance with him and see what happens.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 261 (view)
 
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:33:03 AM
When I'm a relationship, I don't see other people. However I don't necessarily consider myself to be in a relationship with someone that I had went out on 1 or 2 dates with. If this is important, then ask the other person if they are dating anyone else.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Ever run off on a date?
Posted: 5/2/2012 6:16:49 AM
Unless you felt unsafe, I think it would be extremely rude to tell someone "I'm using the restroom" or "I am getting something in my car. I will be right back" then leave. Just tell the other person. Even making up some false excuse about why are leaving is better than not saying anything. I'm sure many of us dates with someone that was boring or annoying. But I think a small percentage dates were extremely bad to the point where someone felt unsafe.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
is the 1st meeting a first date?
Posted: 4/30/2012 8:36:50 PM
I agree with some of the things that other posters mentioned. I consider the first face to face meeting with a person from a dating site as a blind date. Whether it was having a cup of coffee for 30 minutes or dinner at an expensive restaurant. Some suggestions for activities that people can do on a first date / meeting are playing pool or mini-golf, attending a festival etc. The date could end early if one person dislikes the other person. Or it could be extended if there is mutual interest.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 162 (view)
 
Woman pumps the gas while boyfriend sits in car
Posted: 4/29/2012 10:59:41 AM
If it's my car, I will usually pump the gas. Regardless of who is in the car with me. Besides the male passenger isn't necessarily her boyfriend or husband. It could be a co-worker, relative, neighbor, a platonic friend etc.
 
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