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 Author Thread: LDR: No job, I'm resentful
 CLearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
LDR: No job, I'm resentful
Posted: 2/8/2013 9:07:02 PM
Okay, so I'll try to give the short version.
The guy, my *penpal* whom I 've written about previously, is now boyfriend. I met him. I made the (two) trips to see him when he was home from break as he flew home and didn't have a car when he was home. The first time, I paid for the hotel for two nights (second time I stayed with him). I also invested in the 2 hour drive each way and paid gas.
Well, we hit off really well. I REALLY like him and actually am pretty crazy about him. He's EXTREMELY intelligent (and applies himself, writing papers, doing his own personal reearch, reading books, etc), sweet, and really supportive of some of the junk I've been dealing with. There are a LOT of other positive things, but right now I'm really frustrated.

The issues:
1. Long Distance: It doesn't bother him as much. He was in a romantic Skype relationship with a girl for over a year and never met her. To me, the in-person physical contact, doing things together, are way important. Recently, I had a talk with him and we settled on me flying out to see him in 2 weeks (which is a month sooner then we had originally planned. I forgot to mention I haven't seen him since the end of December). And he is coming to see me at the end of MArch.
2. Job: Problem: He doesn't have one. And has not been proactive in finding one. Granted he is a full-time grad student which keeps him really busy, but other than a week long intensive course, has not had class since December (he starts again on Monday). He did do some brief work for his school a couple weeks ago and earned a little. But like when he comes to see me in March, he has to drive because he doesnt have the money to fly. And he is charging the cost for gas on his mother's credit card. And he hates driving, and I was sort of the one who put the guilt trip on him for needing to make an effort to come see me (he originally wasn't going to come until he finished school in May), so now I feel guilty.
But I feel REALLY resentful about him not having a job right now and I fear that it's going to damage our relationship if something doesn't change. Not only does he not have a job now, he only has had two jobs in his life.
I have a full-time and part-time job and have worked numerous jobs since I was 15. I take pride in hard work, find it fulfilling, but I don't make a lot of money. We've talked about a future together but it's hard for me to imagine a future with him without a job. Obviously he can't have a full-time job right now because of the demands of school (although some of his peers do, I don't expect that from him), but because of his limited history, I wonder how he will manage a full-time job once he graduates, if he gets one. Also because of the line of work he's in (being a pastor), the salary is SUPER low. Me being a social worker, salary is also SUPER low.

It not only affects our potential long-term future together but our present dating life, with the visiting each other and even being able to go on dates when we are together. I am not a materialistic type of person, but I do like going out from time to time, whether dinner or a movie, or a concert, etc. He NEVER does these things and literally lives like a poor college student: instant meals, loafs of bread, cans of soup, frozen meals and occasional subway/chinese take out.

Talking with him about work is a really sore subject, but I've offered to help support him in anyway possible. One night we spent a couple hours on his resume, etc. But that was my inititation. For me, landing a job has always been relatively easy because I network well, have a good resume, interview well, etc. so it's really hard for me to be empathetic towards his situation. I don't know if I'm being overly critical or what the answer is. Anyone have ideas?
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Long Distance Online Dating...How do you do it properly?
Posted: 11/20/2012 4:19:22 PM
It's encouraging to read about some of the positives of these relationships. I recently began Skyping with my "penpal" (from online dating website). We haven't met in person yet but so far our Skype chats have gone reallly well. I don't want to get ahead of myself but I'm pretty into him so far and am super excited to meet him next month when he comes home from school
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Long Distance Online Dating...How do you do it properly?
Posted: 11/10/2012 7:48:44 PM
Gosh..I'm in a similar boat and I don't know....I just skyped with my " penpal" of four months for the first time and he has made it clear that he is interested in being more than friends. I've sort of reciprocated that feeling, but I don't know. Still haven't met the guy and won't have the opportunity to do so until he comes home at Christmas (and even then he'll be over an hour away). It will be a challenge to cultivate the relationship through the in person interactions which are especially difficult with time and money and even harder to know for sure whether it's worth it. Good luck OP and I mean that in the most sincere way. Keep us posted on how it goes.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Why is it so hard for men to break off a relationship
Posted: 10/28/2012 2:41:35 PM
I broke things off with the last guy i dated b/c i felt like i had no choice...he had onc told me that he always felt guilty breaking up with people b.c he hated breaking hearts so when he became really mean...i thought that that's what it was about. When i confronted him about he, he went off on me saying I didn't trust him and how dare I imply that he wouldn't have the balls to break up with me if he didnt want to.. So I told him if that he could ohnestly say that he wanted to continue the relationship because he liked where things were heading with us, then I would give it another try...his response: well, not after that....
yeah a bunch of BS
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Guy I have been *penpals* with--do i tell him about dates?
Posted: 10/26/2012 9:13:33 PM
^ in response to BrianfromtheUSA : If it were up to me, we would have met already. I was hoping to meet him before he left for school (he lives an hour or more away from me, but his school is like 13 hours from me). Unfortunately, it was bad timing with our schedules and his going away for school. I almost wanted to not message him for THAT reason. But then I decided, why can't I date other guys and still keep in contact with him; no harm no foul (at this point).

Also, I am pretty inexperienced in dating and the two other relationships I have been in progressed pretty quickly to exclusivity. So the dating/talking to more than one guy thing is new to me.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Guy I have been *penpals* with--do i tell him about dates?
Posted: 10/26/2012 9:05:24 PM
Okay, interesting responses I'm getting here....well it's funny because usually it takes this guy about a week to get back to me (because our messges are so lengthy), but this last response, he said he was so excited to hear from me that he responded in a few hours. He did mention again that he'll be coming home during Christmas and would like to take me out and would like to explore romantic potential if given the opportunity..... *if I'm still available then* "because I'm sure I'm not the only guy out there"
He has made it pretty clear that he's not been dating anyone. So yeah, I find that interesting. Not sure if he threw that out there to fish for info or to try to give me permission that it's okay to date around. I did mention about two months ago that I was going on a meet with someone (not the guy I'm dating now) but we never had any further convo about it. So tonight was date 4 with this other guy and I think we like each other enough to continue dating but are nowhere near ready to be exclusive (at least that's how I see things. we haven't really had a talk about it and I don't think it's necessary yet). Yeah, so I'm still not sure, especially now since he mentioned the idea of other guys...I'm pretty big on honesty, but I'm not sure that I would necessarily want to know that he was dating other girls (esp. if I weren't going on other dates).
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Taking it slow, have not made the first move....
Posted: 10/24/2012 5:26:13 PM
Maybe she's not sure yet what she wants..

I've gone on three dates with this guy and I think he's trying to figure me out too...He has lightly touched my arm a few times.. Accidentally/purposely fall into me so we could catch each other when rollerskating, but other than that, I got nothing either. BTO be fair though, I didn't reciprocate when he touched me so he probably thinks I don't want it, and honestly I'm still not sure how attracted to him I am. However, I am hoping this next date, he attempts to kiss me. I'm going to try to give him more signs to indicate permission...I think physical contact will help me determine whether the spark is there.

Okay, sorry I didn't mean to make this about me. The fact that she is still going on dates with you shows that she's interested. You met on a dating website...it's not like she should be shocked that you would want to kiss her....so I say, make a move!
Don't be too hard on yourself though. At least for me, I'm really enjoying this whole going slow thing, because the last time it was way too fast.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Guy I have been *penpals* with--do i tell him about dates?
Posted: 10/24/2012 5:12:47 PM
Okay here's the deal. There's a guy from an online dating website that I have been messaging with ...going on four months. I really have considered it a penpal relationship because it's not like we've met each other, talked on the phone, anything and that's really been okay wit me. WE really only even write each other every other week...but when we do it's long, considerate letters,..life stuff, updates, etc. and we're sort of flirty with each other. We've talked about meeting each other when he comes home from school either during thanksgiving or christmas and also Skyping ( which we just exchanged user names). Right now, I really only think of him as a friend, with a possible potential for a romantic interest...I realize we may meet in person (or skype) and the online stuff won't translate. I get it...but the fact of the matter is, I do now consider this guy sort of a friend.

Where I'm stumped:
I recently started going out with this guy. It is so far from serious. We have been on three dates and have not even kissed. I'm not even sure if there's enough physical/emotional attraction for it to develop into anything serious, but I do enjoy spending time with this guy. We are going out again on Friday (date 4).

My question is, should I tell my penpal friend (whom I've been confiding in about other areas of my life), about this guy I'm dating? Is it dishonest for me not too? Or am I making WAY to big a deal out of this?
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
WHy is it taking so long to get over such a short realtionship?
Posted: 10/13/2012 3:18:05 PM
I had EXACTLY a one month relationship from june-july...broke up mid july...I'm still not over it :/
i was extremely shaken up too..b.c. it was just so INTENSE. whoever it was that mentioned that it might be harder b /c you thought there was more potential and didn't get to have the chance to see it, is really right.
I cut this guy off early b/c he did a really JERKISH thing but I still think, "what if"
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Does this make me racist?
Posted: 10/9/2012 6:08:56 PM
Hmm..this whole thing has made me think a bit more...The guy that I'm dating, which is a loosely used term b.c I have only gone out w/ this person once (am going out w/ again on Friday), has in his profile under match preferences: caucasian. No other races are mentioned which indicates he only wants to date Caucasian females. He is Caucasian. I am Caucasian. Problem: to me it indicates that he might be more close minded and not appreciate diversity as much as I do, which is a bit concerning.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 215 (view)
 
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 10/7/2012 4:30:21 PM
With all of my first dates/meets, (with the exception of a coffee date), it's always been dutch even though I've been the one "invited" each time. With the one (only) guy that I have had more than one date with, he refused to let me pay on all of the subsequent dates which originally was nice but at times I felt like he was being inconsiderate to my self-sufficiency as a woman. I know, a Catch 22 ,but for the most part I think it is nice if the guy at least offers to pay. I went on a pretty horrible dinner date with a guy last week and I thought he didn't offer b/c he had decided there was a lack of interest. But then he asked me out again. Upon re-reading his profile, he states in one of his answers to one of the questions that he prefers to be "traditional" and pay for the dates. So I'm curious to see what happens this next date.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Does this make me racist?
Posted: 10/7/2012 12:00:29 PM
On the contrary, some of the most racist people profess not to be and actually believe it but that's another can of worms.

I don't think she's racist for having preferences. I have an inclination toward Indian men. I don't think that makes me any more or less racist.

OP, give it a shot. Always good to expose yourself to something new, but just like with anyone, you can't force attraction.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Going public (tweeting) about online dating
Posted: 10/5/2012 7:54:45 PM
that was supposed to read...*AND i admit. & *name ISN'T mentioned.

oops
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Going public (tweeting) about online dating
Posted: 10/5/2012 7:51:19 PM
^ yeah, sort of a mistake.
Do you all use the same u/n on this site on other dating sites? (I don't date here, well I did once)

Well, I felt like crap and had to cancel tonight's date anyway...:/ The guy seemed pretty understanding and we are re-scheduling.

Interesting feedback I admit, I prob find out TMI too soon. but I also dated a compulsive liar. sort of makes one a skeptic. I wouldn't tweet about that stuff, but I guess as long as my name is mentioned, I will give him the benfit of the doubt...(and try to avoid looking at the twitter
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Going public (tweeting) about online dating
Posted: 10/4/2012 8:16:54 PM
Okay, so I sort of feel stalkerish, but curiosity got the best of me and I googled this guy that I met last week and am going out with tomorrow. I came across his twitter page and saw this:

"Tonight: Online dating, take 4. Over/under on total dates is 2.5. Previously, I've had 1, 2, and 1 date(s) with the other 3 online matches. "

This was posted last week (day we met). What the heck does it mean? ?Is this whole thing some sort of experiment to him? How many of you go public about this stuff?
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Almost Blind Dates(1st meetings)--Maybe its better that way
Posted: 10/2/2012 5:49:27 PM
Agreed---I am way more nervous on a first meet if I've talkd to them for any extended period of time and fool myself into thinking I like them. It's happened twice. Other dates, not so much. In my case, it's the guys that seem to want to message for weeks before meeting and I'm not really the type to be pushy or even suggest a meet. Although I had to this last time.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Date flop
Posted: 9/29/2012 4:51:49 AM

Yeah, sufficient. Sufficiently neutral, anyway. I wouldn’t have assumed he was blowing you off. He might have been putting out a feeler. You didn’t offer encouragement, but you weren’t cold either. I assume that was the tone you wished to take?

hm...I think part of me almost wants to try it again if for no other reason than to prove to him (and myself) that I can actually function as a social being! Oh and the sad thing is, I was the one who asked him to meet..he responded saying he was trying to work up the courage to do it. Should I say anything more, or should I wait to see if he messages me again?
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Date flop
Posted: 9/28/2012 7:12:28 PM
oh just to put it in context, it was more of a "meet " than a date, I suppose. We talked online for almost 3 weeks and finally met.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Date flop
Posted: 9/28/2012 7:09:56 PM
So I just went on what was quite possibly the worst date of my life with one of the nicest guys ever. The sad thing is, it was mainly my fault that the whole thing failed. I don't know what overtook me but I could not talk... like it was just small talk. and even then there was awkward silence. We could not get a conversation going! He didn't really help matters too much, but the poor guy tried. I don't think there was much attraction on either of our ends, even if I was "myself" I don't think it would have worked, but I think I"m more disappointed in myself for the date failing, b/c I could not talk! But, I need clarification...I just got back..and the guy sent me a message that said
"Hey *insert name*,
Thank you for a nice evening. Enjoy your weekend! :)"

That is his polite way of blowing me off, right?
I just said, "Thanks *insert name*, you too! :):

sufficient?
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
waiting until plans are set to exchange numbers
Posted: 9/27/2012 5:38:20 PM
I've only met 4 people, but with all of them, I always waited to meet with them until plans were set to give my phone number. Only one of them did I actually speak with on the phone first. So far it has worked for me, no terrible dates yet.I'm meeting another guy tomorow so we'll see how that goes.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
should the first meeting be a date or just a....
Posted: 9/26/2012 4:19:41 AM
Am I the only one whose first meet is like a date? All of my "meets" have been between 1.5-2 hours..and were dinner, lunch, etc. One lasted 5 hours, but I know that is rare. Granted I've only met 4 people from online total. I feel like I do a pretty good job screening people in advance to determine if they are worth the time. I only felt a "spark" with one of them, but at least the convo was good with the others.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:48:20 AM
Thanks whoever bumped this thread----I needed it. My situation may seem quite minimal to ones that have been posted before as I was in a one month, short-lived relationship with a narcissistic guy. It ended one month ago...and I still am traumatized over the whole thing. As a social worker who is trained to recognize these "signs," I am flabbergasted as to how I was lured into this guy's manipulation and lies. As has been said, the whole thing is like a drug. It's really like being addicted to heroin, some have argued worse. Personally I have suffered withdrawal effects, headaches, nausea, lack of appetite, obsession.

The dude really made me think he liked me. He called and we talked for hours each day, seeing each other several times a week, and would give me all these seemingly compliments that were still laced with criticism. And then "subtly" suggesting I wear my hair this way, that way, wear these clothes or that clothes. Or criticize me but then say he was joking. I literally remember saying something bad about myself and he said "Don't criticize yourself. Save the put downs for me." like a big joke. Twisted, right? To me the flags weren't even red, but somehow I knew in my gut things weren't right. I didn't even see his true colors until l I ended it and got all these hateful E-mails, that were all just terrible put downs to my self-esteem. And to top it all off this guy is a Christian, or so I thought, this great guy, with seemingly great relationships with his parents, sister, friends, co-workers (I witnessed several interactions). So I have and still have the hardest time trying to comprehend how someone who can have all these meaningful relationships, could be so heartless to someone like me? This dude is active in his church, even PREACHES for God's sake, ha. And he would even pray for me, and it seemed so sincere..."Dear Lord, let this girl see how beautiful she is...." but then later would criticize everything.

Until a few days ago, I would obsessively monitor his Rhapsody account which he had programmed into my phone and see how he was listening to all this Christian music--praise and worship songs, etc...and I would try to convince myself that surely his faith can change him....if God could get through to him...
I kept (and even as I write this) secretly wishing for some apologetic E-mail, text, or phone call to indicate that he felt sorry for how he has treated me. And I am the type that has to be at peace with everyone...so a week after things “ended,” I called him, hoping that I could have at least some closure...I was greeted with hostility and a "have a nice life" by immediately hanging up on me. BIG MISTAKE. I received more follow up hate e-mails, one in which stated how he had regrets about being so mean, having bad humor, and not communicating well, but in the same paragraph informed me that he was back together with his ex and in case I didn't believe him, attached a photo of the two of them, along with her phone number in case I wanted to confirm.

Having researched more into this "disorder", psychopathism, whatever we shall label it, I realize this dude has no capacity for remorse or even true empathy. I guess somehow he feels better covering it all up with this big Christisan facade....the trouble with these types of relationships is that even when you know these things....you still have a hell of a time letting it go, or just "getting over it."
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Now back with Ex-emailed me picture
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:37:44 PM
No, that's just it. I didn't do anything. And it bothers me, because I literally get along with everyone. I have no enemies, no horrible ex-stories, nothing. The only thing I can think of is that I ended things before he had the chance. Aparently his last ex keyed his car. I can now see why.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Now back with Ex-emailed me picture
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:58:10 AM
Okay, so I never should have responded, but after things ended I got a really mean/condescending email, mixed in it were things tha could have been construed as nice, but mostly mean...well I sat on it for a couple days, but then felt the need to respond. We exchanged a few more emails back and forth, mine were really all nice, his mean. I just don't understand why things had to end on such bad terms. But the last email I got included a photo of him and his ex whom he is now back together with, along with her phone # (incase I don't believe him, I can call her, she will be home tonight). Now, he knows I wouldn't do that. But really?!!
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Overanalyzing while in and after a reationship.
Posted: 7/19/2012 9:27:37 PM
How do you stop doing this? I probably do this more so in the dating/relationship department, but I do it with everything. However with my last dating experience (it lasted a little over a month), I analyzed most everything this guy said, body language, etc....I feel like part of it was warranted, because he had a very strange sense of humor in which often times I couldn't tell whether he was serious or joking, but still, almost everything I analyzed. I recently ended things, although he didn't put up a huge fight, and called me out on a lot of stuff. While 98% of the things he said is a ton of BS, the analyzing part is sadly, vey true. The sad things is, part of me wants to post my whole experience so that I can have you help me analyze it, but I know picking everything apart isn't going to do any good. And now I'm at the point where I'm not just analyzing but dwelling on the relationship, what went wrong, why couldn't I have figured out earlier on that he was a jerk, or was he? Should I have tried to give it more time, fix things, what if I hadn't ended it, where would I be now? All this over a 1 month relationship (that admitedly moved way too fast). I thought I was okay with everything being over, but now I'm just depressed, ruminating, and overanalyzing. How do I stop?!
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 32 (view)
 
25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/19/2012 9:09:37 PM
Well...
You're not alone. I just had my first kiss about a month or so ago, and recently turned 25. Kissed a few times after that, but when the dude found out that he was my first, he sort of freaked out. "You're 25 and have never kissed a guy, what is wrong with you?!" He felt really guilty and asked if I was saving that for my future husband. The truth is, he was the first guy I felt both physically and emotionally attacted to enough to want to kiss. For some reason it was really hard for him to get past that and I recently had to end things. So it can be tricky. To be honest, I'm still not sure whether I should have been honest upfront or not. Things ended pretty badly, but I do ont regret the experience.

Anyways, the important thing is, don't let that hold you back. As has been said by others, confidence is a key component to attraction. So know that you deserve someone good and are worthy of a meaningful relationship. That was my problem for a long time. Anyways, keep your head up, go out there and experience the dating world. There's a lot waiting for you, but you have to make it happen.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
First meet---no chemistry, better off as friends
Posted: 5/9/2012 4:09:26 AM
^ um, yeah, thanks....It's not that I don't eventually want a relationship, but I feel like being friends first, eliminates a lot of the pressure that these websites have (esp. for first meet ups).
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
First meet---no chemistry, better off as friends
Posted: 5/8/2012 7:55:02 PM
So I went on a meet up this past Saturday. I wasn't expecting it to be a date per se, and it clearly wasn't particularly when the guy didn't offer to pay for my portion of the meal. Although I took my CC out and wasn't expecting him to pay anyways. Well the thing is, the convo was actually pretty great. It flowed pretty well IMO (at least as well as one could for a first meet up), the fact that we had been messaging each other for about a month and therefore knew a lot about each other also helped. And I am fairly confident that this guy had a decent time because he was engaged and at one point became so excited about what he was saying that knocked over his water. Anyways, at the end of our "meet up" he says that he will message. Not sure what that meant, but I say okay. I get a message from him saying that he "had a good time :)" and hoped I did too but when it came down to it didn't think the chemistry was there for a serious relationship. But here's the kicker. I wasn't asking for a serious relationship! My profile says I'm here for friends and nowhere does it say I want a serious relationship. Part of the main reason I replied to his initial message was because (for one, he seemed genuine), but he also stated that he would be interested in striking up a friendship and going from there. So I thought okay, that's fair. Well, what heck? The reason I specifically state that I am here for friends is because my few positive relationships in the past, all started off platonically. This may appear judgmental, but I'm a little taken aback by people who know from their first encounter with someone, whether or not there is "chemistry" right away. It takes me a while to assess whether I really like someone. Anyways, even though I do agree with him that we would be better off as friends (mainly due to some fundamental beliefs), I feel a bit confused as to why he felt the need to point out the lack of chemistry when really all I was looking for was a friend anyway....
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
important message deleted after only 20 days???
Posted: 4/28/2012 9:02:44 PM
sorry to belabor this, but the other thing is...i just checked my phone with the app and they are all there...even ones that are almost 30 days old...not so with the computer.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
important message deleted after only 20 days???
Posted: 4/28/2012 3:10:26 PM
sorry, to clarify, what i meant is, yesterday ALL of my messages from a certain user were gone...however, today some of them magically reappeared...but only those from 4/17 onward. so essentially, even if the 20 day standard held true, im still missing several messages that were exchanged that were in the 20 day or less time period...
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Inbox messages from a certain user all gone!
Posted: 4/28/2012 12:53:56 PM
oh, well that's good to know...so it was over 24 hours ago... Anyways, you're smart!!! how did you figure all this out?

Incidentally, this person did respond to say they were away this weekend but would write a proper message later...i wasn't always responding to his messages right away either, so perhaps he's mirroring that. I might give it a bit more time and then re-evaluate.

Anyways, No need to preach to me about having an online connection vs. real world (although I know you good intentions) but I know enough about it to be cautious. :) But I suppose you can learn from every experience.

P.S. it is strange that a lot of our messages have magically returned, although still those dating before 4/17 are gone :/
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Inbox messages from a certain user all gone!
Posted: 4/28/2012 10:50:29 AM
I did, but no response...and I didnt want too seem desperate, although now I feel that way! I just sent him a test message to see if it would allow me to, and it did...and if I go to my sent messages now it doesn't indicate when he was last online. I thought maybe he disabled that, but then I read somewhere that there's no way we can do that...I know I should it take it as a sign that this guy obviously isn't that into me, but I still kinda want to know what happened....
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Inbox messages from a certain user all gone!
Posted: 4/27/2012 8:27:35 PM
=^ as stated previously, I kno I did not accidently block him, I checked.

^ and he is clearly not deleted if his messages still sho up in my sent box...besides I have other messages iny my inbox that indicate that the particular user has been deleted, so JEEZ yourself. :P

I thought I may have had the answer if the messages that are 20+ days old are deleted. However upon further reflection, it doesn not explain why I had messages that were 28+ days old as of this morning that are no longer there. Additionally, even the ones within the past few days are gone, so I'm still confused..

@ukimport, I do appreciate your trying to be helpful though.
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
important message deleted after only 20 days???
Posted: 4/27/2012 8:18:37 PM
So to clarify, does this mean that EVERYTHING would be deleted...not just the ones that are older than 20 days? If so, that answers my question...if not, i still need help :P
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Inbox messages from a certain user all gone!
Posted: 4/27/2012 6:31:23 PM
lol, i ill take all the help i can get :) There is no record of the person in my inbox..I scrolled through previous dates from when we first started messaging and, nothing :/...but like I said, all of my sent messages are there....
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Inbox messages from a certain user all gone!
Posted: 4/27/2012 6:03:45 PM
thanks, but I read all of that and still couldn't find an answer .
 Clearsky14
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Inbox messages from a certain user all gone!
Posted: 4/27/2012 5:50:15 PM
First of all, I apologize if there is already a previous thread that addresses this, but I couldn't find one.

This evening I log in and ALL of my INBOX messages from this particular user are gone. Granted, there were a lot and some of them were over 20 days, but they were all there earlier in the day (even the old ones). However, when I go to my sent messages those are all still there. I did recently pay for that feature to see if the person read my message, and this user has read all of them, and incidentally replied to all of them (except for the last one, but I didn't send it that long ago). I know I didn't accidentally block this person, because I checked. So what is the deal? Is there anyway these messages can be recovered?
 
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