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 Author Thread: Singletutionalized
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Singletutionalized
Posted: 8/8/2012 9:03:46 AM
for the op and those alike

it just means they dont rely heavily on anyone but themselves when they see that doing so is fruitless because most people cant handle any kind of real responsibility..and more often than not that same person cant handle their own responsibilities...not so much about separate lives than it is really understanding the emotional/financial limitations of a partner..frustrating as hell but it is what is...then there are those where its a trust issue on top of all of it...after being disappointed so many times in being left holding the bag/lied to...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/5/2012 9:29:13 PM
because it is...what made you think it wasnt???
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Ever had someone of the same gender come onto you?
Posted: 8/5/2012 9:20:08 PM
yup...but i dont swing that way
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 93 (view)
 
Do men act more considerate to you when you are thinner?
Posted: 8/5/2012 9:00:05 PM
never mind how they treat you now...read the article below for even more things that will piss you off in terms of attractiveness and weight loss


http://www.nhs.uk/news/2012/05may/Pages/obesity-stigma-remains-after-weight-loss.aspx
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Exercising and Juicing?
Posted: 8/5/2012 8:53:54 PM
i think this is an awful way to eat or live a lifestyle...

we need hard/firm food to help disturb plaque and tarter build up at the gum line so that it doesnt accumulate more than it should. you've seen the ads and read the reports of how pets need more than wet food and how just wet food contributes to their dental health..its the same for people....
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Too full on?
Posted: 8/5/2012 8:48:28 PM
um..poor guy...he actually likes you and you dont appreciate it...sighs...i want him!
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 41 (view)
 
He Doesn't Know What He Wants?
Posted: 8/2/2012 6:39:14 AM
scrap it...if he wanted you you wouldnt be here asking for support to do the obvious....
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
I believe this is where my post belongs as its weight loss related
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:00:13 PM
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/behindtheheadlines/news/2012-05-30-stigma-of-obesity-lingers-after-weight-loss/

after reading this and the drawn conclusion i believe this is why i'm still single. some say theres no need to tell anyone how much you've lost or you just come across as phishing for a pat on the back. when i do it i'm letting the other person know upfront that i'm not perfect by a long shot. after losing significant weight myself i'm saying it up front so that there are no surprises that i would be accused of hiding. and after all that honesty and my accomplishment, i'm still single. for a long time i thought there was something wrong with me. after reading this article and the explanation of findings i think i have a better understanding for one reason of still being single. my summary in context of this dating site is that everyone here is looking for some reason to discount everyone from being date-able because they like being single too much...this has been my experience for the last 6 yrs and i'll be hard pressed to change my opinion anytime soon....

but to everyone on this path of losing weight, stay on it because its for YOU not THEM...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
It's gonna be a loooooooong year :)
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:36:51 AM
dont know what your plan is but dont feel like a failure if you plateau a lot..just keep chiseling away at it. it took me 3 years to lose 80 lbs. slow loss means sustainable weight loss for most of us...i plateaued a lot...its a lifestyle not a temporary diet so hope you find something that doesnt make you feel deprived in the least.

oh yeah..and the mental and physical is a package deal. the better you feel the more sexual you feel...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Gym vs. Nature with POF exercise group
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:47:07 AM
i say F the gym. theres this whole "prepping" ritual you have to do to go...the membership fee, the clothes, the drive to and from...the people working out arent there to socialize like the dating tip experts suggest because workouts are ME time..duh...thats why everyone is jacked into some form of musical device/technology. you'll end up working out alone no matter if you do it at a gym or on your own in nature. sunlight is a mood enhancer and helps with depression and helps the body make vitamin D..glaring lights in your face cant to do any of that!!

the gym just represents social, financial, and emotional torture.

nature is calm and reassuring.
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Health effects of coffee
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:40:31 AM
antioxidants...and keeps you regular (not talking about decaff here)
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Multivitamin advice
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:37:35 AM
unless suggested by your doctor, you should be getting your vitamin nutrition from the foods you eat...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Anyone Recently Lost A Significant Amount of Weight?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:34:22 AM
always on this journey. its a lifestyle, not a temporary diet. exercise is ME time,this is why those flirt experts suggesting flirting at a gym are full of it...its an invasion into someone else's me time..
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How accurate are these scales
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:25:03 AM
nothing is gonna be as accurate as the methods used by professionals in their offices using their machines.

i agree with poster saying use your eyes and mirror..if you like it run with it. caution here: sometimes our mental body image is disjointed from reality/mirrors. this is where a scale comes in handy in terms of making it all gel into reality. a measuring tape helps solidify the 3D-ness of it all...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
if ur dating someone & they still have profiles & r actively seeking other partners, is that ok o?
Posted: 6/17/2012 6:10:13 AM
sucks..i know..kick him loose and find someone who wants what you want.

to any reading this..if you're here, you should realize that many people are on many of the other popular dating sites as well. and further many use craigslist for their area. people are inherently lazy when it comes to pics as we can all see with POF for example. many dont update pics regularly or think that pics from decades past are acceptable when they are not while demanding everyone they talk to have current pics...

all that to say this..if you're here, and you've been burned one too many times by liars etc you start doing your "dating homework" by checking all the sections of craigslist for your area. often you'll see the same pic on craigslist thats was used in a dating site profile ; POF for example. where it becomes concerning is when you realize this person has the same pics in all or various areas of craigslist that are for the most part the polar opposite of the intent or stated desired relationship type on a POF profile. I've seen the pics of one person who contacted me from POF turn up in every section of craigslist for the personals section...yup..told me he was straight, wanted one person for a real relationship yada yada yada..then I saw his pics in the m4w and m4m sections for casual sex, platonic, and then the m4w understood to be for those looking for more than casual sex....its called doing your homework since people cant be trusted to be honest from the start 70% of the time on this medium.
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Is it still lying when a person reveals the truth about themselves *before* a planned meet & greet?
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:57:46 AM
"copping" to the truth is not honesty....if one can lie so easily about something so important how do you even begin to trust him or her in a relationship??
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 97 (view)
 
If We Understood the Opposite Sex Like We Understand Our Own Gender ..?
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:06:55 AM
load!

its not a gender to understand, but a thought process of the individuals. on the contrary, it would make it so much easier for us to see the mind of the person we think we want in a relationship and proceed and make that decision with a leveled playing field where we can make a more informed choice. the result would be less guessing and assumptions...making many things much easier to manage emotionally.
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Dating out of boredom.
Posted: 6/2/2012 8:21:31 PM
dont do it..just dont..

its disrespectful of the person being the datee..if you arent mentally present you shouldnt be physically present either..
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 150 (view)
 
He/she still watches cartoons...
Posted: 6/2/2012 8:04:34 PM
hey..Dr. Seuss and anything to do with Loony Toons wins in my book.

i was an early reader because of Dr. Seuss' books.

as to Loony Toons, a lil classical music appreciation while watching Wyle E. Coyote get out- smarted by a bird!!!
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
who are you really mad at?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:41:04 AM
i'm frustatred in that i get it...you dont so you respond in anger and finger pointing to in self defense...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
who are you really mad at?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:19:57 AM
ok..so here's the deal about this topic:

its taken me a while to work this out in terms of understanding the why instead of taking the knee-jerk reaction approach, so i'll try to explain as best i can. in the past when a relationship didnt develop, after finding out the man i'd respond to wasnt really looking for the same things i was looking for in terms of potential partnership, only to realize he was simply looking for hookups, i'd get mad and frustrated. i'd think he was a pig / womanizer. i never understood why i seemed to just find nothing but this mentality. when i tried to explain how selective i tried to be at every turn; everyone just kept saying there was some fault of mine at the root of the confusion, or that i was the main commonality....so it was all my fault for not being smart enough to make better choices..yada yada yada

so heres the revelation, and it goes to both genders;
people who "use" people are emotionally broken. somewhere in the past something very emotionally traumatic happened to that person. so traumatic that they feel the need to lash out in various forms at innocent bystanders on the road to relationship-ville. these people are so hurt that they truly live in the past. they never get over how they feel so horridly wronged; be it by mother, father, siblings, cousins..etc so they keep lashing out. most of them arent even self-aware enough to realize this is whats going on under the hood. those that realize what they are doing either cant or refuse to address the underlying problem. i actually feel more sorrow and sympathy for them now that i understand what is really going on when i get messages like "lets ****" etc from complete strangers or those that hide under the labels associated with relationships as they apply.

so heres my question restated:

those of you that insist on trying to get over on other people as if it would make you feel better in some way..what are you really mad about?? cant you address those issues with the person that made you feel so hurt and angry as opposed to lashing out at the rest of us looking for legitimate connections??? if you cant address the abuser directly dont you think a relationship counselor should be sought?
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 62 (view)
 
I'm miserable
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:11:30 PM
you want permission from strangers to go ahead and ditch this guy. why do you need our permission to make a relationship decision? ohh k..so here, you have my permission..dump 'im. anything else you need my permission for? ~smirk~
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
whats the longest you have been single?
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:06:05 PM
yup...not shy in my personality..but same result here with same self-inflicted mental abuse
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 64 (view)
 
What do you think about men wearing height increasing insoles?
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:00:09 PM
BrookfieldGentlemanTom

i heard there was a pair of platforms with a fish swimming around inside them. if you see a pair of these kinds of shoes, let me know, because i'm dying to see these shoes!! ~nod nod~
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 63 (view)
 
What do you think about men wearing height increasing insoles?
Posted: 5/20/2012 1:56:03 PM
what Landra2 said on page 1
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Dating with panic disorder...
Posted: 5/8/2012 9:22:45 PM
no legit profile means no legit response..i vote for removal
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Excessively talking about the EX
Posted: 5/8/2012 9:14:26 PM
people coming out of a long term relationships have past experiences..so in conversations you have to expect some references to events that occurred as a way to compare and contrast verbage in conversations to show they understand and relate to the topic...back off a little..stop looking for reasons not to date someone..which is what you're doing..
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Is lots of talking pre-first date a good idea or bad idea?
Posted: 5/8/2012 9:05:08 PM
bad if you're just looking to hit it and quit it...talking a lot prior to meeting would mean the person on the other end is a real live feeling human deserving of respect..therefore not a doormat...not suitable for hit it and quit it motive...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Being friends with someone that is attracted to you
Posted: 4/26/2012 8:04:36 PM
someone wants something you arent capable of giving. she watches you date everyone but her..this isnt fair to expect her to be ok with this when you know she wants more from you and you dont feel that. expecting her to watch while you move on knowing you'll never see her that way is in its way a form of emotional abuse...you need to encourage her to move on for her own emotional well-being.
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Is the easy hook up taking the place of dating/relationships?
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:54:36 PM
you can go sleep with every thing that walks..just dont bring it around me...i'd rather find someone with some integrity and respect for me..that same stuff he wants from me better be a two way street...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Friend in relationship jealous of me
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:45:59 PM
whats not to understand here..your friend is passive aggressive...yeah...real winner...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 52 (view)
 
to stay or not to stay
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:40:43 PM
you have a connection...theres no we in this..the we left when she deliberately decided to lay down with someone else after the understanding that the relationship was to be exclusive. she had her chance to come clean and decided not to...coping to the truth after the discovery is not being honest or truthful on her side. if you dont mind taking a back seat to other men and the risk she's exposing you to in terms of stds by all means work it out...pffft
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 157 (view)
 
Decent Men
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:31:39 PM
Am I the only one to feel like this? Is the whole world just going a little bit crazy? Or is it just the I have some real issues I have yet to decipher?

hyup..i missed the memo update on this...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
user on 2 different dating sites
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:28:51 PM
its called being greedy and shady.
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Big ego or Self-esteem?
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:26:24 PM
employees have more rights than they ever realize. you should look up the employment laws as they pertain to you and where you live. its one thing to have egos clash, its another to suffer an emotionally abusive boss at will.
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
conflicting intents on profile?
Posted: 4/20/2012 3:54:11 PM
its called casting a wide net and just in general being greedy as well as emotionally manipulative if they get you to take the bait..could also call it a pre-meditated "out" when they've used you for whatever short gain value they placed on you that wasnt made clearly by them in the beginning. it wouldnt be so bad if they manned/womaned up in the beginning so that all involved are playing on the same level playing field making the same informed choices..this disjointment in profiles is a huge red flag to anyone looking for something not superficial
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Who is telling us the truth?
Posted: 4/20/2012 3:46:15 PM
all this PC stuff detracts from genuine conversations..plain and simple
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 532 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 4/19/2012 2:52:08 PM
its not the sex or how soon/late you have it..its all about whether both people want a relationship at all...its not the sex thats the variable here at all..its that at least 1 of 2 isnt looking for a relationship..its too bad that those that just want sex cant be fully upfront about that as there are plenty on both gender sides that only want casual sex..yet somehow thats "taboo" so they would rather manipulate someone they know that wants more into something where only they that want casual sex benefit at the emptional expense of the other person...rather hypocrital aint it
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
is it wrong to just stay freinds?
Posted: 4/19/2012 2:44:15 PM
one word..celibacy..try it..simple and to the point. write it in a profile ..when you see things turning into more than just friends say"i'm practicing celibacy"...not hard at all
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 117 (view)
 
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 4/19/2012 2:27:25 PM
when a guy does blurt out "You are HOT!" at an early meeting, respond by saying (accurately) "No, you are feeling hot, and blaming it on me. I am still just beginning to try to get to know you." This sort of answer might give a guy who is capable of calming down and being a gentleman, the opportunity to do so. If the guy wont get off of that "you are sooooo hot" routine after, though, you can feel quite comfortable discarding him, for having proved that he is indeed just a slavering horn-dog.

what Igor said
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Can a person's choice of style get in the way of having success in a relationship?
Posted: 4/18/2012 5:47:25 AM
hair is an extension of sexuality, confidence and virility...its the same for men and women...men who dismissed you based on clothing,hair, style of anything is more a telling of their personality than yours. people who are not interested in continuing past meetings or wherever you suddenly felt drop kicked to are looking for any reason they can cling to in order to justify not going forward...so when we hear the "its not you its me" excuse, its definitely all about them!! dont let these wishy washy men dictate what you wear or how long your hair should be....only you should do that
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 169 (view)
 
wants to date but nothing serious.
Posted: 4/18/2012 5:20:19 AM
every category here is twisted into a universal meaning of casual sex. as a matter of fact this has become the norm for most people on dating sites..greedy people thinking humans are disposable and dont get that they do more emotional harm than good when they essentially re-write dictionary meanings on the fly for short term gain...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
how about some new mail check box options for filtering according to body type?
Posted: 4/18/2012 5:15:51 AM
hate all you want M....if everyone here was even slightly honest in this area instead of sugar coating it and wasting another's time in hopes of trying to change core preferences people like me wouldnt ask about this...and who says i said anything about filtering out fat people..maybe i actually want to block out thin people...but thanks for transposing your theoretical assumption of your own rejected experience onto me..gotta love that!!

and to the search suggestion..who cares, if they can filter age smoking etc from profiles this would be just an additional field to include..very simple..


This subject has been put through the grinder more times than we care to read - no matter how it's sliced and diced it isn't going to be perfect and no one will interpret it properly. Pictures are your best bet. Move on if you don't like them.

Thread Closed - Ultra redundant.


.
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
how about some new mail check box options for filtering according to body type? [Beaten to DEATH - Closed]
Posted: 4/17/2012 7:25:12 PM
how about such filter options ..it would make things a lil better since the level of care someone has about their body is one of the core preferences for all of us...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 66 (view)
 
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 4/17/2012 10:47:51 AM
For men = "I am harmless, see? I am not going to use you, I am not going to have sex with you and run away, I am implying a guarantee that I am going to stick around for a while, I'm not just after one thing, so I am safe, secure, I offer this to you, come here sweet little bunny, I'm not gonna hurt you, you can trust me, I'm one of the good ones. I may also have issues regarding negative views of sex or myself. I don't want it to be leading down the road to feeeeeelings and calling each other schmoopy whoopy every 3 seconds, I want to go out and do shit."

second translation:

i want to manipulate the meaning of words to my benefit. i want to see if i can get you to drop your guard and self respect so i can tap it then use the phrase like its intended as a loophole out while judging you while at the same time denying that i'm a hypocrite...
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 52 (view)
 
The flakey-ness has almost become unbearable for me
Posted: 4/17/2012 10:40:21 AM
they do it because they like attention. for many people with addiction issues this high of setting meetings or doing something half-a'd with no intention of following through (or keeping one's word for a short term gain at your emotional expense) is a high they feel from feeling in control..better to find that out early
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Messaging 2 girls - a problem!
Posted: 4/17/2012 10:33:41 AM
agrees with jmark
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Anybody else feel like no one cares anymore about the person
Posted: 4/16/2012 6:57:00 PM
apparently humans are disposable...need to find the slacker that didnt distribute the memo
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
4 years single
Posted: 4/16/2012 5:41:49 PM
try 6 and see how monumentally frustrating that is
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 393 (view)
 
Feminism Your Views
Posted: 4/13/2012 4:33:20 PM
jac

I agree with you and disagree with you, Lorax.

On the one hand equal rights are all to do with humanity.

On the other hand equal rights for men, women, children, gay people, people of different races, disabled people, whatever, each have a unique perspective. They are linked, but they are something in their own right.

I can't help thinking that to vanquish each aspect of humanity is to sugar coat the individual oppressions by default, to make the the fight either more palatable, or more ignorable.

Stuff that...Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry.

now you just go too far in assuming what my verbage covers...no where did i say deny anyone any kind of right to anything...thanks for the senseless beating...
 
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