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sphinx07rises

Joined: 4/11/2007

Msg: 84 (view)

is there really someone for everyone? Posted: 5/1/2008 6:03:17 AM
There is alot of confusion about relationships in this world. Too many rush in, get married, and are divorced before they even know who they are or what they want out of life. Yes there is someone for everyone. The problem is that the union between woman and man has been distorted. We are meant to work together, help each other, and respect each others differences...for each has much to learn from the other. The reality has become a war to prove who's stronger, smarter, equal or lesser, who is right and who is wrong. Marriage has been distorted into a money making event that respectable people must have to be considered a worthy member of society. Never mind divorces cost as much or more. True commitment comes when two hearts are in unity, working towards the same goal with compassion, understanding, loyalty, forgiveness, honesty, endurance, and a respect for one another's differences, as well as strengths and weaknesses. This marriage cannot be created by signing a piece of paper or by repeating vows. This marriage is not something a person dreads or wishes to run away from. Instead it is what we all seek but are too blind to find. It is the absolute mystery of life. The birth of love begins where two hearts are as one. So why do we spend so much time stressing over failed relationships when the real one hasn't begun. For this one lasts forever. There is no book or rules other than the laws of the heart that can lead us there. And I am still searching too. I'm just not looking so hard that I loose myself.

sphinx07rises

Joined: 4/11/2007

Msg: 145 (view)

how do i prove myself? Posted: 5/1/2008 5:07:50 AM
Everyone makes mistakes. Telling him the truth about the std was right. However the rest was none of his business and although honesty is the best policy, I think it would be better to move on. If he wasn't deeply disturbed by the information he wouldn't need to do so much thinking. You have nothing to prove. You made decisions which made you feel guilty, we all do in one way or another. You need to forgive yourself for being human instead of depending on him to make you feel better. Honestly I don't see your actions as making you a bad person. It's just drilled in our heads that good girls don't do things like that. Maybe you needed to explore that side of yourself. Every experience in life is a learning experience and will make us who we are in the long run. I've went wild before after a break up and I have no regrets. I had fun and then I moved on. Some guys can't bare the thought of someone they are with with someone else and he may never be able to get it out of his head. If you actually cheated before the break up (not saying that's the case) then it's time to move on. He'll probably punish you emotionally forever. So if you truly learned that your ready to settle down, find someone who won't hold your mistakes against you. Be true to yourself. If conscentual sex makes you a bad person then there's a whole lot of bad people in the world. There are alot of good men out there who would be impressed by your honesty instead of intimidated by it. And if you ever decide to explore again remember to use protection. Life is a journey. Enjoy it.

sphinx07rises

Joined: 4/11/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

What do you make of this? need some perspective Posted: 5/1/2008 4:29:19 AM
Always be cautious. My advice to everyone on here is to do what we are here to do.... FISH. It takes time to get to know someone. From what you've written it sounds to me like the guy is only after one thing. Sure he calls all the time getting close to you, then he's got all these problems, and one night it happens, he's so depressed he needs you to inconvenience yourself and come running to comfort him. He didn't give your own struggles a single thought and When you didn't come when he wanted you too, he gives you the silent treatment? Sounds like he found someone else to comfort him. I'd end it, if he ever called me back. You were concerned and worried..and he knew it. But he ignored your calls and e-mails anyway. It is hard to believe someone can be so deceptive, I know, but they can be even worse. There's no excuse for disrespecting the feelings of another.

sphinx07rises

Joined: 4/11/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

he cheats then says its my fault.... Posted: 5/1/2008 3:56:38 AM
(This is a reply to jholmes post) Speak for yourself and not the men out there who are mature enough to have a real relationship. Your obviously mistaking sex as love. Whatever makes you happy is your business. But you don't have the right to impose your needs on the men who know there's more to life than sex or the women who aren't willing to be your slave.

sphinx07rises

Joined: 4/11/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

he cheats then says its my fault.... Posted: 5/1/2008 3:50:40 AM
He cheated on you and he'll cheat on whoever he's with. Some people male and female alike just get some perverse joy out of cheating and lying. Of coarse when they get caught the blame is never theirs. He's still making you suffer for catching him by telling you about other girls. Be strong and give him the rest of his life to think about you by not taking him back. Tell him about a guy you like (even if there isn't one) as though it doesn't bother you when he talks of girls. Soon enough it really won't bother you and it will drive him crazy to know you somehow got over him.

sphinx07rises

Joined: 4/11/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

we are going throu a divorce but now she change her mind Posted: 5/1/2008 3:34:53 AM
When the trust is gone, all the best things in a relationship are hard to recover. My ex abandoned me when my mom died, when I needed him more than ever. Later he wished to reconcile.And I told the man I dearly loved for many years and thought I'd live all of my days with... There is no decision to make now that I can't trust you with my heart. What is there to go back too? I miss him and I love him still. but it doesn't hurt anymore. I may never love again but I'd rather be alone than with a person who would discard my heart so easily and the reason he gave for it? I don't know.

sphinx07rises

Joined: 4/11/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

Domestic Violence Posted: 5/1/2008 3:07:45 AM
An abusive relationship becomes an addiction which affects every aspect of your life. Your not alone. It almost cost me my life the last time I left my abusive ex with my three kids. I felt so insecure and scared. I felt that everyone looked down on me because of my failed relationship as if I could have done something to fix it. I feared I'd never be able to trust another man with my heart and i'd spend my life alone. Well I'd rather be alone than in that hell again. I have found trust again but it's taken a long time. Even better is that I'm not afraid to stand alone now and fight for what is right. I went to a safe house to get away from him and it changed my life forever. I met other women who had suffered the same violence as I had, received excellent counselling, and learned to start my life over. I realized there that it wasn't me who caused the violence, I learned to love myself again, and enjoy being me. I am stronger because of my experinces. Stop going to places you went with him!!! Your torturing yourself. Constant reminders of him will only prevent the healing process from beginning. There is life after him, a far greater life. Go and find you again. You can build a better life than you had before him when you learn to believe in yourself again. Love is all around you but he has blinded that light. Shut him out and you'll see the light again. You are worth saving. You are beautiful and you can achieve freedom from hell. Believe it and the healing process will start. He doesn't deserve you, he's to blame, and he'll never change. Hold your head up and move on. It took me about a year before I communicated with my ex because he is my daughters father. I felt nothing but great that he no longer had the power to hurt me. To this day he tells me how much of a mistake he made when he lost me. The funny thing is that every one he's had a relationship with since I left has cheated on him and done all the things he falsely accused me of. The victory is mine and can be yours too.

sphinx07rises

Joined: 4/11/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it... Posted: 5/1/2008 2:29:09 AM
Time heals all wounds. I have been there. He was abusive and eventually I believed what he said about me. i'll tell you the way I was told at the safe house I had to go to when I finally left him : Your not to blame, don't put yourself down or feel you have failed- he failed you by his insensitive wounding words. His insecurities lashed out. Surround yourself with positve people and things. Give yourself time to heal before getting into another relationship. Smile and whatever you do---don't communicate with the creep because he'll continue to verbally abuse you as long as you'll allow him to. Hurting you gives him a sick, childish sense of power.

sphinx07rises

Joined: 4/11/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Why do women lie about Love??? Posted: 5/1/2008 2:12:05 AM
I don't understand why a man or a woman lies about love. I believe some people are just so insecure or bitter that they only feel important and powerful when they hurt someone else. Sadly it happens too often. My advice is to do as I've learned to do- take your time, look before you leap- e-mails and phone conversations can be deceiving because many people out there are well trained in the art of lying. I learned the hard way more than once, and it was always someone I had known for a long time. Thus I now search elsewhere such as Plenty of Fish. Just don't give up. There are many true hearts out there as well- just harder to find.

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