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 Author Thread: Dealing with a POF'er with serious illness
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Dealing with a POF'er with serious illness
Posted: 5/8/2014 5:32:37 PM

AddHomonym in msg 5:
Why not just add something to your profile like "I would never even consider dating a man that was sick, crippled or broken, so don't even bother trying to contact me". That should solve the "problem".




Your reply is mean spirited.

If the OP wanted to make it clear, she would / could / should state it in a positive manner, not a negative manner


These responses to the OP made me laugh.........I guess msg 5 was too direct, truthful and to the point. Since when did the truth become mean spirited and can something like this be sugar-coated and stated in a positive manner?

How about this......it's not YOU, it's ME. I'm sorry about your illness, but at this point in my life I wouldn't consider dating a man who was seriously ill. Until I become seriously ill myself, I couldn't possibly understand what you go through on daily basis to manage your illness. I know, you wouldn't consider it a detriment to any relationship we might have, but I would.... because I am healthy and active, and SHALLOW AS A MUD PUDDLE.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 43 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/30/2014 6:07:43 PM

It's been said that filling that hole quickly is a testament to how much the person meant to the other etc etc...


This is an interesting statement because I've seen people wait a long time before entering another relationship and I've seen people jump into another relationship quickly thereafter...........like my Uncle. Now, I know it to be a fact that my Uncle loved my Aunt like crazy..... by the way they acted together, the things they shared, the laughter and the way they joked around with each other and those around them.

Yet he re-married in less than a year. One of his favorite quotes was from the "ShawShank Redemption"............
Either you can get busy living or you can get busy dying. He did say that he liked being married so much, that he decided to do it all over again.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/29/2014 11:02:35 AM

Either way, it's the ones who keep on living, who DONT follow their SO into the grave within three years.


This was a very real fear that I had shortly after my friend's husband passed away........she said a few things that made me feel like she needed to be on a suicide watch. I talked to a few of our other friends and one of them was able to stay with her and the boys........day and night for about the first month. I was not able to stay with her because of my job.............so I was thankful when one of our other friends could.

Anyway, between all of our circle of friends, her family and her deceased husband's mother and brothers.......I think it is safe to say that she wants to stay in the land of the living. I think between all of us, and the fact she still has 2 little boys to raise is going to keep her safe from self-harm. She has been smiling a lot more lately and I am so very thankful to the forces that be.

Thank you for your explanation Irish..........it was appreciated and helps me understand more than I did before. I truly hope you can find a special life partner as well........we all deserve some happiness in this life, and hopefully....a Lot of Happiness.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/28/2014 7:10:44 PM

OR, second, having avoided grieving, the emotions avoided, manifest themselves in other dysfunctional emotions...ones that most certainly are not healthy for relationships nor small children.


You make some very fine points Irish...........could you expand a little more on the above? I guess I'm feeling a little panicky about my grieving friend's 2 little boys. They are such amazing kids.....7 and 9 years old. Right now, my friend is spending a lot of time with an old high school buddy of hers, who is male. I'm pretty sure he has had the hots for her since high school........anyway they are taking it slow and she seems happier, but still grieving and crying only occasionally now.

She's needed more time to herself, without children around.............so I've taken the boys out to my Bro's acreage to do a little target practising with plastic pellet guns and my Bro took them out ATVing. Those boys had a blast and so did I.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 354 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 4/28/2014 10:50:12 AM

I've only been in this situation once and it ended-up in allot of emotional pain for me. I went for exactly the woman I wanted and basically followed her around and did lots of stuff for her. Treated her better than a friend anyway. So my question is this; does it ever work and is it ever truly "safe" or is it just a convenience for one party to get the other to do stuff for them?


Well, this is a very old thread, but here are my thoughts on the subject of "friends first." He says he did lots of stuff for her, but did he give anymore than she gave to the relationship? We don't know the other side of things and did he do anymore for her, than she was willing to do for him?

I guess if the relationship ended........it wasn't convenient for either party any more. Doing stuff for each other is what makes for a solid friendship and for earning the trust and respect of each other as a human being.

If you just want fireworks, saddle up with a one-night stand that makes you hot at a first siting or curl up on the sofa with a good adult porn flick. See, no real relationship there, but you might have flames coming out of your arse in the morning. LOL.............just saying!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/28/2014 9:22:12 AM

And you think finding someone like this by throwing an on line dating profile out there, after less than 4 months being widowed, is the place to find such a person? On this we'll just have to agree to disagree.


O.K.........I gotta agree with you on this one. With all honesty, anyone experiencing such an event as the sudden death of a spouse might be more vulnerable to on-line scammers and spammers, especially if someone sounds and looks to good to be true. But dealing with the death of a spouse certainly doesn't make one completely void of comprehending the devious side of humans.

Friends, family and/or religious organizations may be a better place to meet someone special or an old high school flame could be re-kindled. But, I also think there is a good chance to meet someone special from the on-line dating sites as well, but proceed with caution. I mean someone from your church could be a scammer too and just because you have known them a long time doesn't make them a fine upstanding Christian..........Just Saying!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
To stay or to go...Conflicting thoughts
Posted: 4/27/2014 10:54:52 PM
Conflicting thoughts????? I am so conflicted just reading all that nit pickety stuff. I can't imagine HOW all that nit pickety stuff got to be so monumental in such a short period of time. If that isn't a bad omen and a really bad start to a relationship, then I don't know what is.

Doesn't anyone just pack a picnic basket and enjoy the day down by a lazy river?........I guess not because World of Warcraft would have to tag along as well and scare the hell out of the fish and wildlife nearby.

OP...........make a clean break and for your sake and everyone else's, don't move in with a romantic partner unless you have known them for at least a full year and sort out all this nit pickety stuff before you re-locate your toothbrush, pants and boots.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/27/2014 10:15:06 PM

And to my reckoning any woman who would be willing to date someone so recently widowed might just be more interested in what she could gain from him than the relationship he might be seeking.


This statement seems a little Paranoid..........sorry, but I can't see it any other way, especially since a lot of women have their own cars and homes and perhaps a few children of their own. The only thing I, as a woman of course might be apprehensive about is that the relationship he might be seeking is for a primary caregiver to His children and would he be expecting me to let my career slide into the dumpster.


Isn't the wellbeing, safety, security, and core sense of family more important to establish right now rather than the hunt for a spousal or bed partner replacement.


I absolutely agree that the well-being of the family should be the first priority, but parents are people too. The parent can comfort and re-assure the children and engage them in grievance counselling, but the parent requires some TLC as well. By TLC, I mean the warmth and comfort of adult family members, friends, co-workers, support groups, grief counsellors. I would think if a widow/widower dated someone who really cared..............it just might be a bonus as well.

I really wouldn't want to say how long anyone should wait, because I think everyone has their own timeline and responsibilities that may be so numerous that there is very little time for dating.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/27/2014 7:16:26 PM

Not to mention, the gigantic red flag that any quality woman would see if they knew/find out they were talking to someone who was so recently widowed.


I am really curious about this statement..........as in the actual meaning of it? I have never dated a widower before, but I find it difficult to understand why being a widower would be a Red Flag to a quality woman. I mean, gads.......stuff just happens sometimes, stuff that is just beyond our control. Do widows have trouble attracting quality men too, because it's some sort of Red Flag if your spouse died?

Here's the thing in my opinion......the deceased spouse is in the land of the deceased and the remaining spouse is in the land of the living, but life goes on. It has to, especially if there are children from the marriage and they are grieving as well for their parent.

In a movie that I watched quite some time ago.......I remember a little boy saying, "Mommy died and Daddy stopped living." I think the deceased spouse, if given one last chance to speak would insist the remaining spouse make some serious attempt at grabbing on to any kind of happiness they could. Because if the remaining parent is happy, the children are going to be that much more happier in their life as well.

Just my thoughts about the issue and I am truly sorry for anyone's loss of a spouse, especially if it was a good marriage.
Now, if it was a bad marriage.........that's a whole nother issue and I don't really want to get into that messy state of affairs.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/16/2014 1:45:25 PM
^^^^^^^^^That is just awesome whereismysoulmate2014.........I guess love finds you at some of the most unexpected times and/or places. If she is your ex-girlfriend now and you are still friends, I would say mission accomplished. Good for you and sorry for your loss.


Exactly 702 days.
Add 25 days for each year of marriage past the 10 year mark.
Also add 50 days for each child parented.


I'm currently working on a peer-reviewed article that details this algorithm.


Nice to see a little humor injected into this thread. When yah finally get the details of the algorithm........could you please post them here for future reference??

I always think it's a good plan to get back to the "land of the living" as soon as possible after loosing someone special, whether it's your spouse, parent, sibling, friend or any other family member. Of course there are our pets as well. I cried for 3 days on and off, more on than off when my dog of 14 years passed away due to a short illness. We were pretty much never apart, even took her to work with me. I have hand drawn several pictures of her beautiful canine face.............she was my most awesome mutt.

Anyway, back to the land of the living..........my friend seems to be getting out a lot more with friends and family and I think she has joined a widows group to help her get past the grief of loosing her beloved husband.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/12/2014 11:02:31 AM

As well as being socially acceptable at that time the re-marriage success rate was pretty good, but in todays world I would call that "risky business."


Yes, I agree that marriage in North America's current society and culture that it could be "risky business." I am pretty sure, in fact I would have been willing to make a substantial wager that their marriage would have withstood the test of time with no divorce in the forecast. But, if one is as intuitive as my friend........I'm quite sure she has all the tools to pick the right one for a second go, if that is what she chooses.

Although for now....all she wants to do is date and have fun, in between all the other responsibilities that she has with a job, home and 2 boys.

I think they were married for 10 years, but knew each other for 14 years before his sudden death in a vehicle accident. I can't say that I am capable of hearing of a vehicle accident in the same way anymore........I'm always thinking it's somebody's husband/wife, dad/mom, uncle/aunt, brother/sister, grandma/grandpa, co-worker or friend. The death of loved one has the butterfly effect on all people who have known the deceased.

On a less serious note............don't take life too seriously, no body ever gets out alive!

Another friend of mine lost her husband to a chronic disease...........and she never married again or dated.

Most of all.........we just all need to be kind to each other out there, because you never know when your gonna get a boot in the old booty yourself.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/10/2014 1:49:19 PM

The other thing that's totally unfair and cruel to do is compare their new relationship to their former spouse. A new dating relationship means a new set of rules and expectations - EVERY SINGLE TIME.


Yes, I can see where this might become a problem if they felt their deceased spouse was as close to perfect as perfect could possibly get. Well, he was a pretty awesome guy, good husband, good father and a good friend. As a friend, I might be doing a little comparing myself and I'll have to keep my opinions to myself, unless asked of course. Anyway, it's not important what I think about any new guy that she becomes interested in..........it's only important what SHE thinks.

What concerns me is that you gotta have a pretty thick skin out their in the dating world sometimes.........people can be cruel when it comes to love and war. Only, in war.........you just kind of expect it. There are no guarantees that the one you like is going to like you back and then there is the whole timing thing. I just don't want to see her get hurt and kicked around out there, but I don't have any control over that..........I can only be there for her when she needs a friend to talk to.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/10/2014 11:36:50 AM
It's very true that my friend would give anything just to share a few more moments with her spouse......even one more minute would make her happy. She says they actually talked about things in the event one would pass before the other and I know he would want her to quickly adapt back to the land of the living and enjoy her life with her sons and possibly another significant other. The one thing about her spouse was that when you were near him........knowing him just made you want to become a better person.

Anyway........I remember when my aunt passed away and everybody including their dogs were barking behind my uncle's back for jumping back into the dating scene again. He married again in less than a year after his spouse passed away. Some of those who just couldn't shut their cake hole............weren't invited to a most wonderful wedding.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/9/2014 3:51:57 PM
Some friends and acquaintances in our social circle criticized my friend for going out to dinner with an old acquaintance from high school, who happened to be male. Of course, I didn't tell my friend what people said because I didn't want to hurt her feelings and I encouraged her to go out for dinner with her high school acquaintance. After watching and listening to her cry day after day...........it was great to see her happy again for a short period of time. She said she had a wonderful time.

She loved her husband like crazy, and going on a dinner date certainly isn't going to make her love him any less. But holy huds of hell...........what's up with these people that need to criticize her?
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/9/2014 2:21:46 PM
The title of this thread is exactly the question that I would like to put forth to all of you POF people who enjoy responding to the forums. No, I did not loose my spouse........I'm not even married and never have been. A close friend of mine who just turned 31 lost her spouse in a motor vehicle accident this year. He was also the father of her 2 little boys that she is raising on her own now. The question is..........would it be appropriate for her to start dating now, but nothing too serious, except if someone really special came her way? Should she wait 6 months after his death, 1 year or 2 years, etc.?

How long should she wait before shedding all the black and in mouring clothing? Thanks in advance for your input!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/2/2014 5:58:39 AM
Here's a suggestion for your co-worker, so the message is engrained in her mind a little better about marriage and sharing a little to much stuff.

Ask her how she would feel if her husband asked her if he could wear her underwear for a few days just to see how it feels in comparison to his underwear. Ewwwww..........................but yah know, it might just help get the point across.
LOL, good luck and be thankful that she is only your co-worker.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 5:51:51 AM
Yikes, it should be obvious that a certain amount of individuality needs to be maintained in any relationship.....including marriage. There are YOUR things, MY things and OUR things.............and I wouldn't want to loose my sense of self by sharing certain items that I felt were mine exclusively.

Like my toothbrush..............absolutely no sharing is allowed, otherwise my personal bacteria will attack without warning, LOL.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 256 (view)
 
Why Don’t Women Ask Men Out ?
Posted: 8/18/2011 4:48:44 PM
Because women are not men. Just wondering why a man would expect a woman to act or respond like a man? If asking a woman for a date is too bruising to your ego if she says no.......then maybe your not mature enough to date or you need some counselling to restore your own personal confidence. JMO
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Insurance that is NO Insurance
Posted: 8/18/2011 2:20:58 PM
As I review my Canadian home and auto policy booklet, I have noticed several contradictions in the writing of them. As I call around to several brokers who are brokering the policies of insurance companies, I discover that all that I have reviewed are very similiar and are in my opinion, "NO Insurance, Insurance.

If your coverage is for water damage to your home, then they list the Exclusions for coverage with every possible means that water could enter your home, such as seapage into basements, water table rising, flood, open hole construction near your property or on your property, etc., etc.

If your coverage is for fire to your home, then they list the exclusions for coverage with every possible means that fire could destroy your home, such as rodent chewing through wiring causing damaged wiring which could start a fire, or a faulty appliance or cigarette smoking within the dwelling.

Has anyone else noticed this about their home or auto insurance policy?
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 233 (view)
 
How does a man benefit from marriage?
Posted: 6/21/2011 12:25:29 PM

Vengeance dating, maybe?


Bingo........that's the reasoning behind some people's twisted way of thinking. They like to feck other people and not in a GOOD way either. They want to make everyone else pay for what their ex's did to them. Their ex's won't tolerate their BS anymore, so they leech on to the next woman who makes herself available to feed his desire to torment women. These kind of men actually hate women. Hopefully he'll make the switch to fecking his own gender, and leave the ladies alone. Check yourself into therapy buddy. Everybody on POF has been hurt at some point in their life, but we don't date until we've healed. We are not therapists on POF.........seek professional help.

Not a healthy kind of mind to have on a dating site, IMO.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 6/21/2011 11:40:50 AM

Is that a MOTHER (complex) or what ??????????????


Yup, it's a mother complex......some guys are simply looking for a mother replacement and not really a wife, or partner in the true sense of what adult relationships are, or should be about.

Best to send them back to their mothers for a re-education. You don't want to have to continue in their mothers footsteps, if they haven't learned to be a man yet. Maybe they need some more education from their fathers, hopefully they've learned to stand on their own 2 feet.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 228 (view)
 
How does a man benefit from marriage?
Posted: 6/21/2011 11:18:40 AM

I don't know how a man could be betrayed more than that!


I do.......Off With His Head (both of them) Sayeth and So Ordered by
The Queen of Hearts.



I think Lorena Bobbit is out of prison now.....but I think she's looking for another
WACK JOB.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
how would you feel about your partner being an active member of forums?
Posted: 6/21/2011 9:29:23 AM
Jealousy is not an attractive quality in people!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 636 (view)
 
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 6/20/2011 8:00:17 PM

Many men feel they have little to offer a woman other than financial support. Therefore they feel a woman who does not need their money will not need them.


Your probably right about that, if the only thing a man offers is financial support and she is capable of financially supporting herself..........then it would make sense to offer something other than just money.

Some to most women don't feel truly loved, honored, respected, cherished or foresaked by all others...... by their husbands or boyfriends, even after several years of being together.

Do men think that women don't know when they husbands or boyfriends begin to love them and when they decide to stop loving them? Yet, they might leave a piece of paper with another woman's phone number laying around, so as to confirm to the wife or girlfriend that he doesn't love her anymore or that he doesn't find her attractive enough anymore.

It might be wiser to participate in some relationship rescue counselling or at least have enough respect for your SO, to let them know things aren't working well for you and her.

Mr RoadRunner and I communicate once a week to chat about our success or failure, when it comes to that nasty "Wyllie Coyote."
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 215 (view)
 
How does a man benefit from marriage?
Posted: 6/20/2011 6:12:00 PM

Really, it's all about the cash!


So, would this mean that when a man says "I Love You"..............it's all about the cash and he's just not completing the whole sentence as follows:

"I Love You"........and your Cash too, but mostly the Cash and I'll tolerate the BS for a while until I can get some or all of your Cash.

Yup.............what's love got to do with it? Looks like I made the right choice to never marry or reside with another human being.

I love my Dogs though and they love me, unconditionally...........what's cash got to do with that?

 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 6/20/2011 12:26:26 AM
So it's come to my attention that men have a NEED to be the dominate partner while dating and in marriage........so to a man, it must be a competition of some kind that allows him to control his destiny, as well as hers. It shouldn't be a competition if a decision affects both his life and hers. One would think that the more intelligent thing, would be to co-operate with each other.....so as to arrive at a joint decision that is mutually satisfactory to both.

My conclusion would be that men or women who have a NEED to dominate the other gender, have some underlying issues that would not be healthy in a long lasting relationship. Sooner or later, one of them is going to become very resentful and the relationship will have an epic failure.

I would see it as relationship with mild to extreme co-dependency and not stable.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 624 (view)
 
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 6/19/2011 11:47:05 PM

So, yes, there are men who don't like women who 'talk back' or are their equals intellectually, educationally, or professionally because these women threaten their need to dominate.


Men who have a NEED to dominate....please see thread on Why Do Women Marry/Date "Needy" or Overly Dependent Men? Also, why must there be a competition for the man or the woman to dominate.


men don't like this...cuz we understand intrinsically that men and women are different...each has their strengths and weaknesses...


So why should women always be expected to be the stronger person and carry more responsibilities than a man? Wouldn't it be more beneficial for men to work on their weaknesses and not be so co-dependent on women for their wants/needs. A man's neediness can be extremely burdensome to women who work outside the home.


women's lib has done some good but it also has perverted tihngs as well...


What things have become perverted? Do you mean the fact the women can now have a good paying job outside of the home?


trying to compete with a man is just plain silly and dumb...


You got that right....some are very slow learners.


as I have said before- if you're as smart or smarter than you're man GREAT- now use those smarts to build him and your relationship UP...


Now, would he use his smarts to build her up? Would he use his smarts to help build his relationship up with her too or is he in NEED of help for that too.


not tear it down...

If a man effectively does nothing to help build the relationship, then he effectively tears it down as well.


that is the definitino of a smart woman...


What is the definintion of a smart and independent man?


some aren't as smart as they like to think they are...


Is there room for improvement when it comes to a man having some kinda smarts.


behind every great man is a great woman...


Great men typically walk right along side their great women, but your saying she should walk behind him.........exactly how many paces behind should she be. Is that a requirement or another NEED.


ps- if ""you"" are so indepenedent...why exactly is it that you are looking for ""man/husband??""


Hmmm....beats the hell out of me!! Not really looking for a needy and overly-dependent man. I'm sure there must be some "independent" and "less needy" men in North America.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 609 (view)
 
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 6/18/2011 9:14:25 PM

Education can be very demanding and very competitive. OP sounds like she may be very competitive. On the other hand a good relationship is very cooperative. Therefore to be more successful at love and romance OP needs to be more cooperative. She would not perceive men as being threatened by a cooperative, independent, educated woman.


Yes, a good relationship is very cooperative, however the OP does not need to change her ways and why should she? It would make much more sense to find an independent and educated man who doesn't feel threatened by her accomplishments and is comfortable with cooperating with her.

If she had to "dumb herself down" to be with a man.......she wouldn't be true to herself, nor would she be true to the man that she is seeking a romantic relationship with.
That way, no fragile egos would be bruised and the relationship would have a better chance for being successful.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 6/18/2011 6:12:49 PM
I think they are only considered needy and overly dependent when you don't want them...


That's probably true, when I have dated...I just keeping running into the same kind of guy ..........guys with major emotional problems. It seems that some men just have a real affliction to not seeing a psychologist or therapist.

First I learned to walk away slowly, but now that I'm older.........I've learned that the faster I run, the more painless it will be for the both of us.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 676 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/18/2011 5:53:58 PM
I don't have an issue with gay people either........one of my male friends is gay and he wants to get married, but nobody wants to marry him. I think it's because he's got a "sexual addiction." Yup....even gay people have obsessions and addictions, just like heterosexuals.

Anyway, just was trying to make the point that if men can't and won't respect the female body form, then there is another alternative........maybe they can learn to respect the male body form and/or themselves. Whichever the case may be!!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 674 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/18/2011 5:13:49 PM
If men don't want to get married, or be responsible for children.........but want lots of sex, there are some males who would be very happy to date you!

But then, you might have to enter a GAY PARADE or move to New Orleans or San Francisco.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 665 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/18/2011 1:33:09 PM

Two of my most favorite movies.... Cinderella Man, and A Beautiful Mind. Both Ron Howard productions. Dr. John Nash from Princeton was amazing. Thus... A Beautiful Mind.


I really enjoyed those movies too, especially A Beautiful Mind......kinda makes you wonder about the need for psychologists, when all they do is over-medicate some of the minds of the most intelligent people, who don't fit into their very tight- fitting mold of what a "normal" person is.

Anyhow, back to the reasons for getting legally married?

I don't know why anyone would really want to get married.........if it's caused them so much grief in the past!!!!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 663 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/18/2011 1:01:12 PM
Is that the same snake from the Garden Of Eden?


You have a good sense of humor Unix, but yes it would be the same one-eyed snake that enticed Eve, but it was Adam who actually ate the Apple from the Tree of Knowledge after Eve took a small bite of it.

Have you seen the Davinci Code??? Is one of my favorite movies!!


I showed the laws say it is the woman the has the sole discretion to have the child or not I didn't make it about abortion I made the point that the woman is in control of having the babies.


They don't always have control of whether they get pregnant or not........in spite of all the various forms of birth control available to them. Men have the same choices available to them or refrain from sexual activities and the stupid little social games that people play.

 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 660 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/18/2011 12:47:06 PM
Your deflecting from the topic of this thread which is marriage, NOT abortion.

Men can choose if they want to get married or not. Stick to the freaking topic!!

Men, do not have the right to decide what a woman does or does not do with her body..so stick to the topic or go to a thread about abortion as there are many here.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 658 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/18/2011 12:30:26 PM

So then she should decide NOT to have kids and get married.


AAAhhh yah, Duh........that's precisely what I'm doing.

Men can decide the same for themselves, but if they have a wandering one-eyed snake........they will be held responsible for the children that they create in Canada.

 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 656 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/18/2011 11:59:41 AM
Here are some Canadian statistics....
Based on estimates from the economics section of Manitoba Agriculture, the cost of raising a daughter to age 18 in 2004 was an average of $166,549. For boys, the figure was slightly higher – at $166,972 – due to extra costs for food.

The average hourly wage for a man working in Canada is $24.81 and for females working in Canada $21.33 on a full-time basis.....8 hours per day.


NEVER in this legal system. It is on par with a pump and dump stock ponzi scheme
10K for the wedding
3-5K for the ring
6.7 years of your life


And now for the dump stock ponzie scheme men think they are entitled too.

10K for the wedding.........which the bride's parents usually pay for or costs are split between bride and groom, $5000.00 each.
3-5K for the ring.........groom buys engagement/wedding ring for bride and bride buys wedding ring for groom...3-5K
6.7 years of your life......husband/father of children retains his income level and experiences no break or lack of service in the paid workforce and continues to earn $345,752.00 over 6.7 years. Bride/mother gives up $21.33 hourly x 2080 hours annually = $44, 366.40 x 6.7 years of her life = $297, 254.88 to be a stay-at-home mother until children are of elementary school age.

Then there are the child care costs for the 2.3 children that some to most married couples create. The costs quoted are statistics from Manitoba, however costs do vary from province to province.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 593 (view)
 
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 6/18/2011 11:12:26 AM

Glad to know this thread is still out there and bringing in new perspectives though.


Hellllloooooooo Seakytten.

Glad you have found THAT SPECIAL GUY. You did provide us with an interesting topic, but looks like you solved the situation before the POF forumites did. Your the smart one, stay well....and be happy!!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 653 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/18/2011 12:06:30 AM

As for my thoughts on yoga and ass-kicking, self inflicted or otherwise-let's not, but lie and say we did. lol.


O.K., but if the truth be told.........I wish my boss would take some yoga lessons, so he could tie himself up in intricate knots, along with his pretzel breath.

I really don't think pre-nuptual agreements carry much weight in a divorce trial, especially if it was drawn up to purposely deceive the other. That being said, I probably wouldn't co-habitate with an SO, unless I had the benefits of a legally recognized marriage. But I would certainly be pro-active in making sure we both understand what we're getting ourselves into. Don't want any of the Deer running into Head Lights stuff that seems to happen to people.

I don't think most people know what they are signing up for when they get a marriage license and then a certificate. But they certainly go into shock when the divorce papers get filed.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 6/17/2011 11:52:13 PM

Does that mean the masculine-type men are more attracted to the more needy or overly-dependent women?


I think you have a good point there forumfishie and I think your right! Some muscle-bound men have more of a softer side to them than one might think and some women have a harder side to them than one might think.

So if a softer-sided male was in a relationship with a harder-sided female.........their relationship would lean more towards capitalizing on each other's strengths, whatever those strengths happened to be. But what happens when one person has more strengths than the other..............then the relationship could become unbalanced as far both persons being satisfied in the relationship.


Not that muscles equals masculinity either but, you know what I mean...I hope


Yes, I know exactly what you mean and you've made some very interesting points.
I am a tall, but petite woman, but people are sometimes taken aback by my rather bold approach to things. The faint-of-heart type male definately wouldn't enjoy being around me for too long.....which is probably why I've never married. Oh well, you gotta have a fairly bold personality to do the kind of job I do.

Anyway, I hope your married friends relationship will be successful. I guess it doesn't matter who the boss is......as long as the jobs get done, including raising the children.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 648 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/17/2011 8:16:40 PM

I've kicked my own ass enough times for it too.


How'd yah do that? I've tried kicking my own arse a few times, but I just keeping falling over on the other leg.

But, yah never know.............it's never too late to tackle the impossible one more time.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 194 (view)
 
Are men really attracted to needy women?
Posted: 6/17/2011 8:00:55 PM
Is there a reason that you are so "needy" of tormenting or insulting others that you cannot indeed be civil? Your language is typical of needy women and their circular arguments that solve nothing.


O.K., Geez.....I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings sensualseeker, please don't cry anymore and I will loan you my Teddy Bear for a day or two.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:56:20 PM

The masculine woman will be attracted to these men. Also, she is someone that is controlling.


Just curious about this comment, I would have thought that a needy or overly dependent man would be extremely irritating for a more masculine-type woman.

Does that mean the masculine-type men are more attracted to the more needy or overly-dependent women?

I've never been married.....so I have no idea what kind of man I'm attracted to, other than Mr. RoadRunner of course and he's very masculine.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 646 (view)
 
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:33:40 PM

Lake surrounding Waterton


I absolutely enjoy going to Waterton.......one of my favorite places. At least you got to see when it wasn't raining, that's also a bonus, LOL.

Well, if anything....I think this thread provides a good education for those considering marriage...some of the ups and some of the downs

Depending on if you are male or female
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 176 (view)
 
How does a man benefit from marriage?
Posted: 6/17/2011 2:27:05 PM

That is the first factual thing you have posted here. And I am thankful for the fact you don't speak for all women.


At least I admit that I don't speak for all women, but what makes you think you speak for all men? I'm certainly glad your not the only man on these forums and we can simply agree that we don't particularly like each other much and leave it at that.

How does a man benefit from marriage..........by being selfish, but first he needs a woman to power his selfish goals/agenda and those are the kind of men, women should learn to avoid.

Or you will sink in the Titanic with him and his selfishness.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 6/17/2011 2:02:54 PM
Gosh, it sounds more like they are opponents......rather than people who are truly in love with each other, but I could be wrong about that too.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Why do women marry/date "needy" and overly dependent men?
Posted: 6/17/2011 1:42:01 PM
I did a thread search and it appears there has never been a topic like this one to come up in the forums. At least not from a woman's perspective or a man's perspective either. If men want to respond to why they marry/date "needy" and overly dependent women.....that would be great also.

So the title speaks for itself, but please try to avoid any gender bashing as per the rules of POF.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 173 (view)
 
How does a man benefit from marriage?
Posted: 6/17/2011 1:21:27 PM

I’m no Pollyanna but I could make a list of things my wife does for me that’s three times that long. Naturally the relationship has to work both ways.


Of course a relationship has to work both ways. Is the list of things that you do for her as long as the list of things she does for you? How do you know that she doesn't feel over-burdened and taken advantage of? Do you think she might enjoy a little more free time to herself or are you too busy reaping the rewards off of someone else's hard labors to notice?

Everybody enjoys some free time to themselves...........typically that's when a woman divorces her husband, just so she can get some free time from doing the things Mr doesn't want to help with or fanes helplessness.

Are you sure you are a mature man??.......because you certainly would be considered far too needy for most other women. But, that is JMO and my observation
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 186 (view)
 
Are men really attracted to needy women?
Posted: 6/17/2011 12:38:37 PM

Because those guys can relate too her.Why? there needy also.


I think your right! Needy men are attracted to needy women and Independent men are attracted to independent women.

So, if your a confident and independent woman.........don't waste your time or any of your efforts on needy men. It's as simple as that.

The other thing is........you don't need to voice that you are independent because a truly independent man will already know that, and likewise for an independent man.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 171 (view)
 
How does a man benefit from marriage?
Posted: 6/17/2011 12:10:31 PM

Seriously though if all marriages could be worked out where each are looking out for their mates interests more so than their own marriage is great.


Does anyone think that a husband actually looks out for the best interests of a wife or maybe the wife simply needs a PROJECT for providing services to an Overly-Needy man who doesn't appear to be capable of providing those same services for himself. Appearances can be deceptive, especially when a person "fakes" his neediness and/or simply doesn't want to learn how to provide for his own needs. Does anyone think this type of man would provide those same services to his woman, if she should become ill? Will he simply continue to fake his neediness and fane his lack of understanding for completing tasks that will benefit him and his woman, if she should become ill? Does a man like this actually have his woman's best interests in mind or is he selfishly benefiting his own interests?


I will venture to say it is because, come what may you both keep the others needs/wants at the top of your perspective lists.


I don't think his woman's best interests are at the top of his list in this case, and they probably never will be. Once the children of the marriage are raised, Mrs will probably want to get back into the full-time workforce, but her valuable time is so burdened with all of this.....
- My briefs get magically washed, dried, folded into little squares and put in the right drawer.
- My errands are run while I sit at work playing on POF and/or making money.
- My bills get paid without me lifting a finger.
- Insurance and banking issues which I prefer not to address are tended to with unmitigated ferocity by someone with my best interest at heart.
- My fridge refills itself with stuff I like to eat.
- Stuff I like to eat is on the table and hot when I get home.
- Movies I want to watch appear for viewing and disappear after.
- My children are cared for by the world’s most highly qualified caregiver.
- I get laid often - and without expending additional time or effort.
- Somebody rubs the knots out of my shoulders every night.
- I don’t have to tell her how I like my drink.
- I’m well-represented, even when I’m not there.
- Somebody makes it look like I remembered all those birthdays and holidays I usually forget.
- When my Outlook calendar and appt book fail - my wife remembers.
- Cool people who wouldn’t invite a curmudgeonly single guy send me invitations with a smile.
- I have somebody to ride on the back of my bike when I go for cruise.
- Somebody tells me when my shoes and sox don’t match.
- Back hair plucked, ear hair tweezed, boils lanced, pedicures, facials and neck shaved.
- Sh*t I could go on all day. She does.

And Mr won't be able to adapt to not having all those services providing for him, because he's never learned how to do them himself OR he continues to fane helplessness and/or neediness.


No personal agendas to sabotage the union.


You can't be serious about that pile of bunk....can you? Maybe some women just need a project for completing the task of raising somebody else's aging and overgrown son, but I'm not really sure about that and I can't speak for all women.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 177 (view)
 
Are men really attracted to needy women?
Posted: 6/16/2011 11:47:43 PM
A larger percentage of western females are raised with a morale that they should for reasons of honor and social good help a lesser person who needs help. In this case you are referring to men who seem innocent and in need on the surface, but generally are energy vampires once you peel back the layers of the onion.

That kind of man is a creation of a society that still tries to promote a male role for men that says "needy" is somehow good or romantic. Anxiety or illogical emotional behavioral is what drives men who suffer from what psychologists coin "distorted thinking". These are men who are drawn to drama, and create it when it is not there.

Women need to learn that such men cannot be saved.
 
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