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 Author Thread: Overrated Bands.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 287 (view)
 
Overrated Bands.
Posted: 12/1/2012 10:48:41 PM

I can totally understand many not being able to relate to Zappa. His music is as "out there" as it gets, but for anyone to suggest he was a musical hack who didn't know what he was doing would be absurd.

^
This x 1000.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
5'10F, my height is ruining my life!
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:52:43 AM
Man, I never knew how much of a sh1t people gave about height until I started reading online dating forums... LOL! Of all the crap to care about. Tall attractive women are attractive, short attractive women are attractive, medium attractive women are attractive. ¯\(°_o)/¯

Also, it boggles me that no one ever talks about an average range of height, you're either tall (5'11"+) or short (5'10"-). Personally, I think you're all whacked in the head.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Are you looking for fun or for the real deal?
Posted: 11/25/2012 3:57:08 AM
Real deal... intently...
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Girls and Sports
Posted: 11/25/2012 3:53:17 AM
I'm a big Formula 1 (amongst other forms of proper motorsport) fan and not found any women that give a crap about it...

S**t, the vast majority of my "car guy" buddies don't watch motorsports. I'm on the wrong planet maybe... :-/
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 8:22:35 PM
Tried just about every piece of advice on 'em (short of changing the unchangeable)... done enough versions of a profile to fill a book... just came to the conclusion that I'm just too unattractive to date.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
What has your dating experience been like in your 30's?
Posted: 11/9/2012 9:28:55 PM
The only word I can muster that even comes close to accurate is abysmal.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 349 (view)
 
Being in The Right League
Posted: 10/11/2012 10:39:03 PM
Hmmmm... I've always found the concept of the 'leagues' things as very interesting, even though I don't really understand it. I think we all know what an quite-to-really attractive person is, and what a not-very-to-not-so-attractive person is, but how granular does it get? I mean, how does one even know where in the narrower part of the spectrum to they lie?

See, I don't have any idea how attractive to consider myself, not just in the granular sense, just not at all. ¯\(°_o)/¯ Is there some secret to figuring it out, or is it a bunch of hooey? I mean, on semi-regular occasion I have women tell me stuff like I'm "gorgeous" out of the blue, or "You must have women all over you?" (as a recent female client told me in a meeting), but to say I was even marginally successful in the dating world would a gross overstatement... LOL! I'm fairly certain I'm a homely mofo that occasionally gets lucky when solar flare radiation slips through cracks in the atmosphere and interferes with women's brainwaves. I gave up utterly on here as I've gotten no replies in hundreds upon hundreds of messages, interspersed by the occasional woman fawning over me (usually sent from somewhere like the U.K.). But then again, I've dated women I'd consider (and most others would to) nines. Girls with modeling portfolios... who thought I was attractive as well. And then, most of my girlfriends have been in far worse physical shape than myself (maybe I just have an ugly face), which is more objective than subjective. So, what's my league?
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 1011 (view)
 
Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:02:22 PM
Any WOMEN over 30 willing to reply to a well thought out message?

>:-|
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 43 (view)
 
What do Nerdy men look for in a woman?
Posted: 8/9/2012 7:08:53 PM
I guess maybe the question for the O.P. may be, "What do nerdy women look for in a man?". I've herd geeky guys are the new hot, or something similar. Maybe I should leverage that angle a little more... LOL!

I've got my geeky tendencies, though I've never pulled with any mentions of my love of Stephen Hawking's work or history of tabletop RPG'ing. ¯\(°_o)/¯
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 69 (view)
 
32 and suddenly meeting a lot of 23 & 24 year olds... ?
Posted: 8/9/2012 6:39:32 PM
It's weird, pretty much the only girls that hit on me in real life are early- to mid-twenties. It's NEVER anyone in my age bracket... but on here, of the very few to send me messages, they're almost exclusively women way older than me, well into their forties.

I message women from a pretty good range, mid-20s to late 30s generally... and where 20-somethings are generally talking me up unsolicited out in the fray, I get nothing from them on here. I guess I'm the "sexy mature guy" in real life, and the "creepy old man" on here... LOL.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
what am i doing wrong?
Posted: 7/30/2012 7:06:59 PM

You should do the same as well


Snap! LOL!
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Been here over a year, i guess im doing it all wrong? help!
Posted: 7/29/2012 2:29:04 AM
Try OK Cupid as well... there's more intellectual/artsy/musico girls over there even if it's not got as big of a profile base. It still sucks, but use both. \../,

Every profile on here, girls will talk about how they LOVE music and fast cars, but in actuality, they don't show the least bit of interest when I guy rocks that stuff.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
About to scrap my profile and start over (again).
Posted: 7/29/2012 1:30:08 AM
^So that make you 150 years too old to use the word "Peoples" instead of "People"


Awwwww... snap! LOL!

I'm not going to be all that mean about it. I was just trying to be conversational, keep it a little light. Résumé rigid profiles are generally discouraged... or does Firefly think I'm "not acting my age" by using that particular slang? I was a child of the late-'80s / early-'90s... Maybe I maintain a little "hipness" for my age or whatever, but I sure as shit ain't using "rad" and "gnarly" in 2012 (not that I ever did) even if women my age still think Bon Jovi is valid music.

Either way, my profile makes it pretty obvious that I'm smarter than the average bear... I'm a mechanical/industrial designer, but I'm also a musician and an artist. I'm not 100% stuffy. Nothing wrong with that, whatever. :-p I could get in a pretty intellectual argument about the value of slang and netspeak in the evolution of language with respect to the particular mediums, but that's not the point of this, is it?
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
About to scrap my profile and start over (again).
Posted: 7/24/2012 6:04:54 PM

Who am I to argue with OK Cupid!


NOT a Harvard University grad who started the site, then did the statistical research on it... that's who.

Unfortunately, Match.com bought it and discontinued the empirical research and resultant blog. :-(
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
About to scrap my profile and start over (again).
Posted: 7/24/2012 5:56:09 PM
1. This isn't about pictures... I've rotated through dozens of them. You'd be surprised which ones get the most attention. It's NOT dippy-happy ones (as OK Cupid's data confirms, see their blog on it where looking away from the camera and not smiling get the most messages/replies from women).

2. Ummm... okay. The ONLY dates I've had off here are women who have emailed me first. Is there a way to get it to work in the converse? The Message Me If is straight off OK Cupid... I mean what is wrong with encouraging someone to message you?

3. It's not about being shallow. I just know what I'm attracted to, and I have been badgered over and over again about NOT putting on what I'm looking for in a woman on the profile.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
About to scrap my profile and start over (again).
Posted: 7/24/2012 5:22:18 PM
Is there anything worth keeping on here? This is version 658,258 I think... LOL!

Still gettin' zero replies. Does anyone have some examples of good profiles? I downloaded a guide on profile writing, so I guess that's my next attempt.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 473 (view)
 
attractiveness difference
Posted: 7/16/2012 9:43:41 PM

Well Domo I find if you want to attract the hot guys you need to look hot, and change the negative attitude
being thin isnt the end all be all, if you pass off negative vibes no matter how hot you look men will avoid you, I bet most guys on this site would avoid Paris Hilton and her skanky disease filled twat.

^
This x 1000.

Plus, what good is broadcasting the disdain for bigger/older guys on every single thread (not to mention being a super-regular poster at all on a dating site forum... LOL) to a bunch of people who are likely not your target audience to begin with? Hobbies... try them. :-|
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 462 (view)
 
attractiveness difference
Posted: 7/16/2012 5:32:06 PM
I'm not a regular here, but down for any advice to make the frustrating process of on-line dating a bit easier, and thus, have come across a number of Domo's posts... and all I can say is I wouldn't want to be in the same room as her, let alone go out on a date with her... LOL! She's positively caustic and narcissistic. I often wonder if people like this know that others can get a vibe off a bad seed pretty quickly in the real world. ¯\(°_o)/¯
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Professional looking for professional
Posted: 7/3/2012 11:15:22 PM
If you do something and get paid for it... it's a 'profession'. Most people have one. So what's the O.P.'s point exactly?
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 214 (view)
 
attractiveness difference
Posted: 6/28/2012 11:22:43 PM

Another thing that props men up is money and material objects. I've known a few that get a fancy car or talk up which neighborhood they live in. It only takes a few women to warp a guy's sense of perception. For example, a guy that I used to work with was far from Brad Pitt; but once he got a corvette and he kind of changed. The car was getting noticed by women, a few even flashed him while he was driving.

^
LOL!!! Yeah, don't buy into that for a second. I owned a Viper for almost six years, and a Lotus for two more after that (never with the intention of getting women, I'm a genuine car enthusiast), and women barely, if ever, noticed. I think maybe twice in the whole time I had either flashy ride, I had any female attention... and I was young guy at the time.

The VAST majority of women don't care in the least. Buy a sweet ride because you like it, not because you think women will... buy a puppy mill for that.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Question for the guys: How many messages does one need to send to get dates?
Posted: 6/28/2012 4:21:39 PM
Well, I gotta say I'm not finding the short daily burst approach to be all that practical in practice. While I find it generally frustrating as hell sifting through enough profiles in one sitting to send out twenty messages, maybe once or twice a week, but I think I'm going to have to switch back to that. :-/ I'm just too busy some days to bother with it.

You know, it'd be really nice if an attractive lady messaged me every once in a while... LOL! I feel like I'm doing ALL the work here. Probably asking a bit much.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How do they relate to it?
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:50:30 AM
Not really... mainstream hip hop has changed big time over the last decade or so... it's more about posturing, partying, bragging, excess, drugs, women, and relationships and whatnot... not much different than hair metal was in the '80s. Utterly disingenuous. Early on, it was certainly more culturally poignant, from the perspective of the ghetto and beyond, then the whole "thug" thing took hold (to the dismay of many of the earlier emcees)... the appeal of that to kids/adults/whomever outside of that isn't much different than the appeal of mob movies a la The Godfather, Casino, or Scarface (a very popular, very non-black template for a lot of that era). Violent, criminal, edgy, fantasy stuff. So much of it was made up. It was cinema, essentially.

Color has little to do with it, and you seem to put a lot of a center on that in your inquiry... maybe you're just looking for a reason not to like it or not to understand it. Fact is, it's now a decently old, and very diverse form of music (as blues and rock have grown to). I can't speak for others, but concerns beyond my own anecdotal life still intrigue me... weather they're valid to my own existence or not. I still get why a rocker from suburban California would write about the plight of the downtrodden, just as a rapper would. Same goes for space invaders. It's just topical, no mater how you look at it. Genres of music aren't just about espousing to cultural niches. They just aren't. Who does instrumental music speak to then? No one, right? :-/

I, personally, listen to a lot of underground hip hop these days... I can't say much of it is specifically about the hood... nor is it even coming from the mouths of black artists exclusively. Hardly. Some of it touches on that, some not. Good rappers talk about A LOT of differnt things. I mean, have you listened to any Sage Francis, or EL-P, or Atmosphere, or P.O.S? Probably not.

Frankly, K.W, I've seen a good number of your posts on here, and you come across a bit like a old-school, butt rockin' has-been, and I'm not sure if you want a real answer to this or a reason to vent or get support on a short-sighted (and moreover, non-involved) outlook on things. ¯\(°_o)/¯
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 126 (view)
 
attractiveness difference
Posted: 6/21/2012 4:41:52 PM
I can't really fault women or men for seeking out someone they're attracted to, especially if they stay realistic about things (if you're a decent looking bigger guy, being okay with a decent looking bigger girl and vice-versa), but the whole idea that women say they're only attracted to 15-20% of the men online there is f***ing berserk. The F' is wrong with you? Seriously. I mean, when I walk around in public, and look at the general population, I certainly can't make that grim of an assertion about either gender.

I mean, I consider myself a decent looking guy... I get told it every once in a while out of the blue, WAAAAAY more often than my friends, but I get VERY few messages on here, and pretty much zero responses. It's hilarious to me what the standards are. Just the other day, we were meeting with a female client, who after a couple of drinks said to me, "You must have girls all over you.", to which I could only reply, "Ummmm... no." and laughed.

I can only imagine a world full of really lonely women out there waiting for the actual Johnny Depp to show up because the sorta-Jonny Depps aren't good enough. On the other hand, most of the men I know will take the sorta-kinda-maybe-a-bit-Jessica Ablas of the world in a second. Kinda like when I bought a Viper because I couldn't afford an Enzo. Enjoy what you can get, I say.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Question for the guys: How many messages does one need to send to get dates?
Posted: 6/21/2012 3:44:39 PM

It helps if you screen the profiles you message. Pre-screening helps your odds of a reply. Don't message someone where it is clearly obvious that they don't fit well with you. If you're a hunter that loves shooting Bambi, don't message the girl that says she's a Vegan.

Similarly, don't get overzealous in the screening. Unless something they have on their profile is TRULY a deal breaker, give them some room to show who they are. We're not all Shakespeare, and profiles range from poetry to grafitti on a bathroom stall. That doesn't mean that those profiles are a true representation of who they are.


Yeah, this is pretty much been my approach. I mean, that's why I've opted to go down to two or three messages a day, as opposed to spending several hours every other weekend blasting out 30-or-so messages. It's a bit harder to find the time every day (or even every other day) to comb though and craft a good message for a couple of girls but, it's less frustrating in the end.







1. Don't send a message with cliche' lines. They are old and tired and an intelligent woman won't respond.
2. Try to mention something in the woman's profile that you two have in common.
3. A light compliment is nice, but don't overdo it.
4. If you are sending a chick a message and she doesn't respond within a day or two and you really thought she was worth sending a message to, remember- she might not make POF priority #1. Send another message after a week.
5. Most important thing of all to remember-- just like the website states.... there are plenty of fish. You just have to use the right bait, dude.


Again, you (and most) are preaching to the converted... or not reading the thread. I'm sending out personalized messages, trying to connect on common interests, ideals, and whatnot. No sure what "bait" I'm supposed to be using here, though. So many metaphors, so few suggestions.








Most females in any age group will respond to a message from a man, even if its just a thank you, if they feel its genuine.


Hi, nn2_girl, here's a link to a rehab facility in your area...

http://www.stah.org/

...BECAUSE YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY STRATOSPHERICALLY HIGH!
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Question for the guys: How many messages does one need to send to get dates?
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:49:37 PM
Well Hybridized, you really need to improve your profile. and you need more pictures. unless you are bald you should never wear a hat in your main picture. If you are bald, then you need a better/classier hat.



You profile could use more pictures.... and hats/sunglasses are seen as you hiding something. So drop those.


Yeah, yeah... I'm kinda starting over with new pics. I've got a bevy of good ones I've been using for the last 10-months or so. Problem is, I don't take many or often, so most of the good ones were really more focused on my rocker side (band pics, live pics, etc.) which I'm downplaying as people told me it was giving off a bad impression, and was attracting the wrong types of women (like ones not even into the right type/generation of music I'm playing). Playing music is only a small part of my persona and I felt like I was repulsing potential dates because of it. I'm no longer in an active band after relocating and focusing on other things, so I need to get more pictures of my everyday, more conservative side... I didn't think my hat was that bad (yes, I have a FULL head of hair)... abelian posted some pretty good numbers with his Mickey Mouse hat, after all... LOL!









If I found a woman attractive, her profile wasn't a turn off and there was enough in her profile to say something, I'd contact her. From that, I'd usually get between 1 in 5 and 1 in 10 replies. More from women whose profiles had some real personality in what they wrote. Less from the women with sterile profiles containing the usual cliches. If I got a reply, I rarely had difficulty keeping it going, but if the woman wasn't much fun to talk to, I didn't really makemuch effort. So, maybe half of the replies were worth pursuing past a few messages. I could usually manage at least 1 date per week, but a 2nd date was rather rare. You just can't predict what the chemistry will be like in person.


Yeah, that's EXACTLY what I've been doing. I'm certainly not messaging women that I'm not interested in or have nothing in common with. I've tended to go for twenty-five or so recently logged on profiles, maybe a few more if necessary, and sending maybe three-to-five specifically crafted messages to the ones that I had things in common with, maybe a few with a little less to say (there are A LOT of really sparse profiles on here) so long as they had something of value and were not generally caustic.












Is your goal on here just to get dates? If so, just send out a ton of messages. I was a bit picky who I sent messages to, choosing only those I felt compatible with by their profile and interests.


Not at all, I'm most definitely here to find someone I am attracted to, inside-and-out, to have a real, long term relationship with... maybe even "the one". Like I said above, I'm being sensibly selective... the ones I know the most about first, then maybe hitting up more bare/mysterious profiles next... but NEVER anyone I was outright not compatible with.

Fact is, I need to get dates to find someone. Heck, I'll take one date if it's the right one... but nothing at all just isn't going to work. 10%-20% reply rate seems crazy to me. I have no idea how you guys are pulling it off. :-(


Honestly, I think that the current state of online dating just doesn't work for most decent men. A douchebag with better pics will get all the women. Good luck man.


I guess I'll have to fire up the ol' camera, then. Trickle in the good ones as I get some.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Avaiable man over 30
Posted: 6/18/2012 4:27:40 PM
¯\(°_o)/¯ Give up, then I guess... get ten cats... become a spinster.

"Never settle" is the worst advice in the world, IMHO. Especially in our culture of perceived surplus everything. Disappointmentland.

Myself, I'd far prefer spend a fair (but not insane) amount of time searching, compromising where I have to, and at least getting a decent portion of the good things one can experience in a relationship out of life... ESPECIALLY when it's minor points like, "she lives with her parents", "she doesn't have a job"... so what? Inconvenient? Maybe. Insufficient? Hardly.

Choose your own adventure.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Question for the guys: How many messages does one need to send to get dates?
Posted: 6/18/2012 3:37:14 PM
You only need to send ONE message to get a date. The hard thing is determining WHO to send it to in order to get a favorable reply.


LOL... I'll tend to agree, but I don't know how practical that advice really is (or I wouldn't be on here, would I?) in practice. I messaged a woman last night that I found very attractive, with a bunch of similar interests, appreciation for intellect, with identical romantic goals & respective outlooks on relationships and I was FAIRLY CERTAIN I'd get a reply. I just got a profile view and no response. :-(

So, while I do very much look for comparability all around, I still think there's something to numbers, unfortunately.









None. I let them contact me - I only needed to respond appropriately.


Well, that wouldn't be a very good approach on my part. You're obviously more attractive and/or interesting than I am if you can use that approach. I almost NEVER get messages from women, and on the rare occasion that I do, they're very much not my type / attractive to me*.

* - though, I had one date I had off OKC who contacted me first who was quite the converse tot that.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Question for the guys: How many messages does one need to send to get dates?
Posted: 6/18/2012 3:23:52 PM
Yeah, I NEVER tried the canned, ctrl-v thing. I don't know how one would sound genuine doing so... and I ALWAYS address something interesting on their profile. Find a commonality or talking point and run with it. I don't think I'm too bad at communicating. :-/

I don't get too worked up over clichés, most people aren't elegant writers and I accept that... so long as there's something there half-way interesting, I'm always willing to chat more, meet, and whatnot. If it's something as ambiguous as , "Going to restaurants", I'll inquire unto which ones, or what types of cuisine. IMHO, There's too many sparse and simple profiles on here to eliminate them all. Less profile just gets less message, more gets a bit more, I suppose. Keep my odds up. I'll generally let the conversation take it from there.

The anger and self-righteousness I agree with though 100%. I see no reason to try with bitter, demanding folk.

One-in-nine, though... WOW! I'd love to get a reply on 1-in-90.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Avaiable man over 30
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:57:45 PM
¯\(°_o)/¯ Keep looking I guess... each filter you add is GOING to compound your search, though... that's how statistics works.

- Unemployment/underemployment (amongst men, especially) is going to be 15%+, probably more up there... some of them deadbeats, some with career potential once the recovery happens.

- 1 in 4 under the age of 35, about 25%, have moved back in with their parents, that number will be better towards your age however.

- On the converse, MORE are going to already have kids at 30+ (I don't know the statistic offhand), so that's going to tack on.

- Players and impatient guys are going to be another factor. Probably more of those than you'd like.

- Want Catholic values, cut out a HUGE chunk of men.

I don't think people with "checklists" quite get how far and fast they fall down the continuum as they conduct themselves as such. If you think about it mathematically, your frustration makes complete sense.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Avaiable man over 30
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:39:29 PM
Wow... I think the girl is a bit confused and her expectations might be a little limiting (again, based on her location and the realities of the market now) but I hardly think it's a troll post. You people need to chill your itchy trigger fingers with the flagging, M'kay? Sheesh.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Question for the guys: How many messages does one need to send to get dates?
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:20:42 PM
I've been online dating for a while now (circa 10-months), on here and OK Cupid... admittedly a bit intermittently and on-and-off as I've gotten frustrated (and recently went through a move)... and while I hardly expect many women to reply, I've only had a handful of short/dead-end conversations with girls as a result. From scanning the forums here-and-there, I guess it takes a good bit of messaging to find someone interested, I guess. I wasn't really counting, but I'm pretty sure I've sent out at least a few hundred messages per site.

My question for the (straight) guys is: How many messages do you generally have to send out to get a date or so a month? :-/ That's reasonable, right?

I'm thinking I need to be a bit more systematic about it. Message maybe three an evening on each site, roughly 2200 girls a year (yikes, that's a big number now that I do the math!!! 8-O ). Anyone else take this approach? Seems a little less frustrating than doing bigger chunks all at once... cuz, honestly, wading through enough demanding, depressing, and/or downright vacuous profiles to find even 20 okay ones really kills my faith in humanity (I'm not saying there aren't decent girls out there... just less than one would think).
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Avaiable man over 30
Posted: 6/18/2012 1:03:22 PM
I'd say there are plenty out there. I fall into that category (though I don't want to have any kids).

Though, I will say "normal" seems pretty subjective to me. I mean, I've met some people who it doesn't take much to be considered "abnormal" to them. Maybe your definition of "normal" is too narrow. Same goes for morals. These are hardly static things. The more constrained your ideals, the more of a hard time you're going to have, I'd think.

Also, getting all demanding about job and living situations post-recession (and in Upstate New York too boot... LOL, I grew up there, it's an economic vacuum) isn't gonna make a young person's search for a mate necessarily easier, either.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 107 (view)
 
attractiveness difference
Posted: 6/15/2012 12:45:59 PM

I don't remember how scientific that study was. It just stuck with me that out of the group viewed, men rated as many women as being attractive as not attractive and it was a very even looking curve. But the women viewed a large majority of men being unattractive/below average and only a very small amount as being attractive. The OP opened with a statement about how all these guys that aren't attractive view themselves as being more so than she views. I don't know who she has been viewing so can't say for certain how she can really make that determination, other than they aren't to her. But it might just go along with what that study found. OP also stated how she thinks women view themselves as less attractive than they are. My experience has been the opposite for many cases.


It was OK Trends, the now defunct blog for OK Cupid. It also evidenced (at least with respect to their site) that men heavily favor (two-thirds) messaging the top third of women, rating-wise:

http://blog..com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

"As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium."

I did find it a bit confounding (if not disturbing myself), because while personal preferences always apply anecdotally, the fact that the median female opinion of the median man is so brutally low. I rated in the top 50% on their particular site (not sure if that's over a 1-out-of-5 which women overwhelmingly rated most men, or 2.5-out-of-5), and in ten months or so have only had ONE date.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 105 (view)
 
So how come most of you men say you want a relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:27:17 AM
Can't speak for other men, but I put "looking for a relationship" because I'm...um, looking for a relationship. I've been in long-term ones since my early 20's, lasting anywhere from 2 to 7 years.

Problem is, you ladies have to ACTUALITY RESPOND TO ME (or message outright) so we can go out and get that point from a statement moving towards something more real.

Question for you women is, why are YOU not willing to even being the courting process that leads to relationships. Partaking in a dialogue, and or meeting for a cup of coffee is a fantastic way to start a relationship... but if you're not going to try that, I really can't see where you're coming from. :-/
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 134 (view)
 
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/8/2012 3:31:33 AM

Hybridized: How is any girl supposed to get past all your preferences that you list in the first two paragraphs of the "Who I'm looking for section" of your profile? I think you've managed to alienate every single female that would be interested in you. Anyone that was initially interested when they clicked your profile would, after reading it, be doubting that they fit your criteria. I know you're not listing requirements, but you might as well, because even a hint of incompatibility (at this stage) will make them question if they should or shouldn't message you -- we all know it's easier to do nothing. And, you call us picky. ;)


Why would they doubt fitting my criteria if they actually did? Frankly, if you READ though it, it's more about what range of options I'm OPEN to as opposed to the opposite. The only filters in there are the absolute deal breakers based on things that absolutely have or haven't worked for my relationships in the past, or things I'm absolutely not attracted to. It leaves for a lot of potential women out there to fit. Heck, there's a lot of other things I thought more trite (to me), that I'm quite flexible on that I didn't mention either.




As for having things in common, I know who I am going to appeal to and who I'm not. Needless to say, the ones who like long haired musicians are the ones I get messages from.


See, that's not ALL that I want to be limited to, as that's not ALL that I am (especially since POF isn't exactly a haven for rocker, alt, or goth girls, demographically speaking). But, I TOTALLY agree with you, and since being a musician is only part of my persona (even less now, I just quit my band to move back to Phoenix to peruse my automotive and design related interests more) , I took down all the hair-down, poseurish musico pics for something more pedestrian. It's not dishonest... I'm just not one dimensional.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/6/2012 2:45:56 AM

I have no earthly idea what the hell it is most guys are doing wrong on this site, but it has to be something.

I'm guessing many of them just go after any attractive female they see, regardless of whether they have anything in common or not.

It's actually rare that I write anyone, but when I do, I read every word of the profile beforehand. I only write the ones I have a strong feeling will reply, and I have a lot in common with. I would say 75% of the time they do respond.

I think it's best to make sure you really do pick ones that you think you have a lot in common with. I have a feeling a lot of guys are picking one small thing and running with it.


I don't know, Piggy, maybe it's location. ¯\(º_o)/¯ Actually, we've got similar tastes, me and you (though I'm a good bit more new school), and I have a****of time finding women into the stuff I'm into around these parts... so I forgo things likes music, cinema, motorsports, and career arc, and look for things like cuisine, exercise, love of comedy, writing or art to try and connect on.

I've NEVER had a real response on here, and only one date from one of the other dating sites. It's quite a wake up call on how generally unattractive and uninteresting I must be. I can't say it's affected my self esteem, per se, but certainly my perspective.

I'm also of the belief that the shared love of trite things isn't necessarily the best means for connecting with someone. While it's nice that you and a potential girl might both like white wines, it's hardly fodder for a good connection, emotionally or physically. Views on life, perhaps... shared hatred for the Raiders... not so much. I even caveat that on my profile. I can't think of a single relationship that I had a bunch of hobbies in common with my other... we just shared that stuff after the fact.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Are there seriously WAY more men than women in Oregon?
Posted: 6/3/2012 2:17:13 AM
It's seemed like that the entire time I've lived here (4-1/2 years), despite the population statistics saying otherwise. I was in a relationship for most of that so it wasn't much of an issue... but I broke up with girlfriend about 9 months ago, and just don't know where to go where it's not 70% guys, with the 30% of the girls being 30% of the aforementioned guys' girlfriends.

Needless to say, I'm going back to Phoenix next weekend.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
the future of rock?
Posted: 6/3/2012 2:06:35 AM
I suppose if sounding like the '80s sleaze rock, mixed in with a little '90s pop-rock sensibility is the future, than this is spot on... LOL!

When I think modern rock sounds and aesthetic, I think of the kinda stuff that turns up at the Euroblast festival:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-Bx8sNGFlY

¯\(º_o)/¯
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Any Hip hop heads out there?
Posted: 6/3/2012 1:59:08 AM
I'm into a lot of the alt/underground stuff: Aesop Rock, EL-P, dälek, Cage, Sage Francis, Death Grips, Cannibal Ox, Despot, P.O.S, MURS, FELT, Hail Mary Mallon, etc.

What's popular in the mainstream right now makes me want to wretch up my own colon to plug my ears, however.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Changing your profile to mirror your target.
Posted: 6/3/2012 1:48:11 AM
Probably, so many people game systems. Me, I want someone to like for being an actual living, breathing individual that doesn't love all the same stuff everyone else does. It's called being interesting and bringing something to the table.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 108 (view)
 
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 6/3/2012 1:02:02 AM
I find this thread kinda hilarious (in a depressing way), as it's sorta the opposite take on my "Men aren't serious, but women are?!" thread. The crux of all the moaning on here by all the women is when someone like myself comes along who is looking for a serious relationship, I get ignored utterly. Nevermind any other qualities I profess to have, real or delusional... LOL, I should be a diamond in the rough here just based on that. Instead, I'm dogshite.

Frankly, I'm not against the premise of it, and I don't look down on people for wanting to roll that way... at all! I live in a pretty progressive city (Portland), and a lot of people roll with the whole polyamory thing. The difference there is, THEY OPENLY ADMIT AND DATE BASED ON THAT. I see almost no one putting that in their profiles (well, a lot do on OK Cupid, but that's not really an option here, is it?), or many people ticking the "casual sex" box.

Being that I've had one date in the last ten months, and no instances of intercourse (had a few offers, mind you), I kinda get the appeal of it (casual sex), especially if being down on the "gettin' down" that long... but as some other wise people mentioned here, I don't want want some slag's collection of diseases. I've managed to avoid any up until this point, and I'm gonna keep on avoiding it. In fact, any girl that I might date off here that starts getting frisky with me without "the talk" before that non-ingrates have before they start meshing parts gets thrown back into the pond as suspect. The other bonus is sex with someone you know, or better put: who knows you (and what you like), is WAY the hell better than random, casual one-offs. Even going into relationships that lasted me over half-a-decade, the first few weeks were no where near as good as it got. I'm a quality-over-quantity guy and that's ACTUALLY a big part of my pro-relationship mantra.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 692 (view)
 
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:43:46 PM

I use the forums so nice try with that. I dont send messages. I dont go out of my way to email men I know arent going to email me back. I do positive stuff I eat under 1200 cal a day, I dont drink and I go to the gym an hour a day so please know what you are talking about. Just because someone is on here did you ever think its just for the forums


Of all the awesome forums, many covering all sorts of interesting and relevant hobbies, interests, and topics, on the internet... WHY, in the vast and infinite scope of the cosmos, would anyone choose just to be simply a forumite here?! LMFAO!!!

You need to get out more... I don't mean out of the house (we'll leave that for another thread), but out on the internet.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Arjen Anthony Lucassen
Posted: 5/28/2012 12:52:39 AM
Love me a good chunk of the Ayreon stuff... I haven't had a chance to ear the new one yet, though.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 224 (view)
 
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 5/24/2012 3:35:43 AM
I have learned that I'm a terrible profile writer no matter how I go about it. I'll need to find someone to write my bio for me when I get old... LOL!
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 40 (view)
 
About to turn 32, single, and more comfortable with it....
Posted: 5/24/2012 3:21:24 AM

As you've become older, are you more or less comfortable with being single or simply "dating" someone?


Being single sucks. I don't know why some people swear by it. Must have had just crappy relationships, I guess.

I was rarely without a relationship during my 20's and liked it the vast majority of time. I mean, not that they were perfect, but the good ones lasted the longest, and having someone you like being around, can confide in, share experiences and activities with... not to mention sex on a regular basis.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Keep it Positive
Posted: 5/23/2012 2:58:18 AM
I agree 100%... though I will say, positive is more fun to share with company. :-D
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Guys, would you date an Embalmer?
Posted: 5/15/2012 5:43:21 AM
I just pictured Abby from NCIS for some reason... and the answer was "yes". LOL!
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 20 (view)
 
No country for old men?
Posted: 5/12/2012 3:23:29 PM

If you're socially fluent, you can, and will talk to people anywhere. If I am out shopping or doing anything else outside a bar or online site and a guy I'm interested in actually talks to me and gets my interest - it's going to go well, even if I can't stop and talk at that moment.

If you're not meeting women anywhere but where you think it's safe to approach them - you're cutting off your options to some extent (which is fine if you want to do that).


I just can't ever recall a woman chatting me up with any intent in a public place that wasn't a nightlife spot or a mingle-y coffee shop (i.e., not a Starbucks at a mall), or similar. It's just never happened. They're usually too into their shopping and trying REALLY hard not to make eye contact with anyone to even draw a bead on them. Maybe some cashiers and servers, but you never can tell when they're genuinely interested, or just doing their job / trolling for tips... so I generally disregard it.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Stuck on younger women.
Posted: 5/12/2012 3:17:56 PM
I'm open to a wide range of options, I think that's the best perspective to have, you never know what's going to surprise you. That said, I tend to gel better with younger people and thus aim down a bit... people my own age often bug with with how not with it they are... that, and 30-somethings anecdotally seem either trying WAY to hard to have their proverbial sh1t together, or just not trying in the least (gave up, et. al.).

It's funny though, the only women that hit on me on here are like 46... in the real world, they're always something like 26. The internet is F'ing strange, for sure.
 Hybridized
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Is this typical guy behavior or is this guy bad
Posted: 5/9/2012 11:24:42 PM
You rustle a lot of cows up there in Spokane, eh? Having a fellow cattle cutter must be a requirement for him... Apparently, real cowboys do not have internet access (makes sense), so shouldn't he be looking for real cowgirls who also don't have internet access at the saloon or something?
 
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